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1
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,232
- May.
2
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,397
Cecil, don't do that.
Jack might come in.
3
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,908
- He's opening the booking office.
- Harry, then.
4
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,635
Harry's in his box, Wilfred's polishing
the brasses and Ethel's late.
5
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,750
You see, I know where everyone is.
6
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,189
I know where you are,
and you shouldn't be.
7
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:11,030
Who knows what's in store? If Beeching closes
us down, we may never see each other again.
8
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,911
Best thing, if you ask me.
9
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,599
Allow me to hold your hand,
just for a second.
10
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,029
- No, Cecil.
- Please.
11
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,789
That lovely fragrance.
Is it Lily of the Valley?
12
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,070
Probably corn beef.
13
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,918
Now, that's enough.
I've got food to prepare.
14
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,190
I shall be back at 11
for a bite of something.
15
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,117
You'll be lucky.
16
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,436
I know we only have stolen moments,
but it's better than nothing.
17
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,553
Well, for you maybe.
Not for me. I'm a married woman.
18
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,670
Yes, to the wrong man.
19
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,598
Well, I've made my bed, Cecil.
I have to lie on it.
20
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:48,111
- You're giving me naughty thoughts.
- No, I'm not doing anything.
21
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,357
You don't have to. Do you know
when you're most alluring?
22
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,674
No.
23
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,995
When you smile through half-closed eyes.
24
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,879
Yes, that's it.
And I always recognise your footstep.
25
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,229
- Do you?
- Yes, you have a special walk.
26
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,636
It's quite normal,
just one foot in front of the other.
27
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:13,435
But you take tiny steps. I hear
your heels tip-tapping across the floor.
28
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,436
It just does something to me.
29
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,790
I think it's high time
you found yourself a good woman.
30
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,070
I don't want a good woman. I want you.
31
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,919
- Thank you very much.
- No, no, I didn't mean that.
32
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,474
- Give me your hand.
- You've had it once already.
33
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,635
Please.
34
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,434
She loves me, she loves me not.
35
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,790
- She loves me...
- And when you run out of fingers?
36
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,956
I shall move on to your toes.
37
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,912
Go on, then, hurry up.
We haven't got all day.
38
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,349
She loves me not, she loves me...
39
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,948
- Is that bright enough now?
- No.
40
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,992
- You're not looking.
- I don't have to. Give it another go.
41
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,838
- You want to see your face in it.
- Right.
42
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,191
What's going on?
43
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,272
- You hit me.
- Well, what were you doing down there?
44
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,709
I were trying to see me face
in the door knob.
45
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,196
- Has he taken leave of his senses?
- Aye, I think so.
46
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,232
Go on, lad. Get out there
and sweep the platform.
47
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,797
I'm sorry I'm late, Jack.
48
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,116
- I'll have to get that clock seen to.
- What's up with it?
49
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,151
When we changed over to winter time,
50
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,510
I pushed the hour hand forward
and it dropped off.
51
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,074
Now it keeps dangling down.
52
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,635
- You shouldn't have pushed it forward.
- I can never remember.
53
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:44,435
It's simple. In the spring, you spring
forward. In the fall, you fall back.
54
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,234
Well, that can't be right.
I mean, if I suddenly had a fright,
55
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,636
like seeing a snake,
for instance, I'd spring back.
56
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,672
And if I tripped on something,
I'd fall forwards.
57
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,632
You ought to stay indoors.
You're accident-prone.
58
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,478
- Morning, Ethel.
- It's you. What do you want?
59
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,670
How about a smile to start with?
60
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,395
- What do you want?
- Return to Clumberfield, please.
61
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,432
- What you going there for?
- I'm going out for a meal.
62
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:13,515
Why?
63
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,269
Because, nosy,
that's where Percy will be.
64
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,199
- Percy's taking you out for a meal?
- Aye. So how much is it?
65
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,071
Three shilling.
66
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,112
Isn't a day return cheaper?
67
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,076
- Two and six.
- Thought so. Ta-ra.
68
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,711
Cocky cow!
69
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,557
- Don't tell me you're jealous.
- What's it to you?
70
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,639
Come off it, Ethel.
Percy's too young for you. He's only 27.
71
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,309
- And a quarter.
- You've checked up, then.
72
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,319
No. We was reading our stars the other
day and his birthday's in December,
73
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,954
so he's a Saggytaurus.
74
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,432
- Come again?
- A Saggytaurus.
75
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,199
Half-man, half-beast.
76
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,790
- Which half attracts you?
- I'd settle for either.
77
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,195
- Ey-up!
- Crikey!
78
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,312
There's a man outside
waiting to talk to the station master.
79
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,238
- He's not here. He'll have to wait.
- In a Rolls-Royce.
80
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,952
Then I'll come instead.
81
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:29,471
- It's Ernie Bennett. Hello, Ernie.
- Morning, Jack. Hello, Ethel.
82
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:33,957
You've come up in the world. Last week
you were driving a clapped-out Austin.
83
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,549
- Have you won the pools?
- Have I heck! I've gone bust.
84
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,910
I'm chauffeuring for Lady Lawrence now.
85
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,157
- Can't be bad.
- You look ever so posh in uniform.
86
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,395
- It's livery.
- Is it?
87
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,079
Have you tried bicarbonate of soda?
88
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,351
- What?
- She's having one of her days.
89
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:58,076
I've got some very interesting news
for your station master if he's around.
90
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,236
- Go and fetch him, Ethel.
- Right.
91
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,793
Mr Parkin!
92
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,311
Mr Parkin!
93
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,671
Mr Parkin!
94
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,872
Mr Par... Mr Parkin!
95
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,832
Mr Parkin! Mr Parkin!
96
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,438
Hey, Mr Parkin. Mr Parkin.
97
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,471
Mr...
98
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,597
Mr Parkin. Mr Parkin!
99
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,271
Mr Par...!
100
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,874
What on earth's the matter? You're
flying around like a demented bat.
101
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,832
There's a Rolls-Royce
waiting to see you in the yard.
102
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,269
- What?
- Hurry up. Come on.
103
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,676
Hurry up!
104
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,518
I found Mr Parkin.
He was in the kitchen with May.
105
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,711
- He was what?
- I was just inspecting the buffet.
106
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,469
- And the kitchen.
- And the kitchen, yes. What is it?
107
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,592
- Ernie Bennett wants a word with you.
- Morning, Mr Parkin.
108
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,074
Hello, Mr Bennett.
Sold the Austin, have you?
109
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,635
Sold the whole business.
I'm chauffeur to Lady Lawrence now.
110
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,557
Really?
111
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,989
I've got some very interesting information,
112
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:09,033
strictly top secret
and off the record, right?
113
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,914
- Right.
- Haven't heard it from me... right?
114
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,235
- Right.
- Get on with it.
115
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,353
This very evening I'm bringing
Lady Lawrence here in the Rolls
116
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:23,188
to meet someone off the 6.30 from London.
117
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,437
A devastating piece of news.
I can hardly contain meself.
118
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,792
- I haven't told you who it is yet.
- Is it a film star? No, let me guess.
119
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,434
Dirk Bogarde? Diana Dors?
120
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,392
Much more important than any film star.
121
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,750
- For heaven's sake, who is it?
- None other than...
122
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,759
- Dr Beeching.
- Dr Beeching!
123
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,349
- it can't be!
- As true as I'm sat here.
124
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,157
Why would Dr Beeching
be going to see Lady Lawrence?
125
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,830
Well, I can hardly ask her that, can I?
I'm not privy to her social diary.
126
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:59,793
- So it could just be a social visit.
- it doesn't matter why he's coming.
127
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:04,868
The point is, he's coming,
and forewarned is forearmed.
128
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,229
Quite right.
129
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,475
I don't want him walking round the station
130
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,876
watching you sitting back
with your feet up, picking your teeth.
131
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,912
I assure you,
my staff do not pick their teeth.
132
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,919
- Not in public, anyway.
- I don't have to. I just take mine out.
133
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:24,909
Be that as it may, we're indebted to you
for this information. Thank you.
134
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,269
Don't mention it. Have a nice day.
135
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:36,358
Comes the hour, comes the man.
Right, there's not a moment to lose.
136
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,995
I want the entire staff to muster
in the buffet at 10am. See to it.
137
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,031
Aye.
138
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,075
Penny for your thoughts, Jack.
139
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,270
- I'm worried about him.
- Beeching?
140
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,153
No, Parkin. What was he doing
in the kitchen with May?
141
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,191
Give over, Jack.
142
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,516
If May happened to be bending
over the sink, he could surprise her.
143
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,551
How?
144
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:09,639
- Give her a hug from behind.
- Parkin'd never do that.
145
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,671
Why not? I do.
146
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,998
Do you? Why?
147
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:19,032
Some women look
very tempting from behind.
148
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,351
I must take a turn
with the washing-up.
149
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,155
In your case, you'll be quite safe.
150
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,308
Thanks to the tip-off, we have time
to prepare for this momentous event.
151
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,079
When Dr Beeching
steps onto that platform,
152
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,317
he will see a jewel
in the crown of British Railways.
153
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,193
- Any questions?
- Should I have me 'air done?
154
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:49,438
At the very least.
And the word is "hair" with an "h".
155
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,837
- Can we speak to him?
- Only if he speaks to you first.
156
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,598
I'll clip his ticket.
157
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,190
You'll do no such thing.
158
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,515
If he speaks to me, I'll be struck dumb.
159
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,789
That'll be a pleasant change.
160
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,680
A brief acknowledgement will do.
161
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,996
How about, "It's a honour to meet you?"
162
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:16,272
The word is "honour".
You don't say the "h".
163
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,312
'Eck. Sorry, heck.
164
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,914
Is there any chance
of him coming in here?
165
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,758
I doubt if he'll have time
to sample your delights,
166
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,995
but I hope you'll be in the doorway.
167
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,429
A smile from you
could launch a thousand ships.
168
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:34,473
- Keep your smiles to yourself, lass.
- I could smile.
169
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,079
That'll shut us down for sure.
170
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,669
I never thought I'd be driving
a train with Dr Beeching on it.
171
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,473
I sincerely hope you won't be.
Leave that to Arnold.
172
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:48,399
- You just get on with the stoking.
- I'm going on strike, then.
173
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,635
Don't start that again.
174
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,673
Don't worry, Mr Parkin.
We'll give the doctor a smooth ride.
175
00:10:55,720 --> 00:11:00,555
My late husband once took
the Prince of Wales to Sandringham.
176
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,353
He was an engine driver, you know.
177
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,709
The Prince of Wales?
178
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,877
My husband. And when they got there,
179
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:13,391
he went up to him to say thank you
and shook his hand
180
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,558
and got oil and coal dust all over it.
181
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,558
The prince was very nice,
he didn't say anything,
182
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,433
but my husband could see
that he wasn't best pleased
183
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,677
because he walked off in high dungeon.
184
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,950
Thank you, Mrs Plumtree.
A charming story.
185
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,879
Perhaps Dr Beeching
would like to hear that little antidote.
186
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,629
I doubt there'll be time, but you
could give my office a thorough clean.
187
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,113
Be a pleasure.
188
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:45,039
Mr Skinner, make sure the waiting room
and booking office are up to scratch.
189
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,709
- Did you hear that, Ethel?
- It's up to us all to make an effort.
190
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,912
- Did you hear that, Jack?
- Wilfred, make sure the gents is clean.
191
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,111
Dr Beeching won't be going in there,
will he?
192
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,628
He might,
and we don't want to be caught short.
193
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,671
Even if he is.
194
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:08,029
And make sure your signal box
doesn't look like a bicycle-repair shop.
195
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,275
I'll have it cleaned up in a thrice, sir.
196
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,709
Good. Then go to it.
197
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,913
- Oi, you've missed a bit.
- It's been raining.
198
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,428
It's dirty rain. Get on with it.
199
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,480
Wilfred!
200
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,872
Ooh! Ooh, a dead fly!
201
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,392
- The chickens are out!
- Harry's chickens are out!
202
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,119
Blimey! And the pig!
203
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:07,155
Somebody catch it!
That's our Christmas dinner!
204
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,074
Move it along a bit.
205
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,711
You berk!
206
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,834
Mum! I'm dangling!
207
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,439
All this work.
I can feel one of my heads coming on.
208
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,358
By the time the doctor arrives,
I'll need treatment.
209
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,392
He doctors in engineering,
not medicaments.
210
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,833
I'm not fussy.
211
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,316
- Can I have a cup of tea, please, Mum?
- Yes, love. Help yourself.
212
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,033
And what have you nearly got on?
213
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,674
Mr Parkin wants us all to look our best.
214
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,109
You'll have us closed down for indecency.
215
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,674
All this is playing havoc with my leg.
216
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,553
- Do you need a cup of tea?
- I need a pair of crutches.
217
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,319
And for heaven's sake, lass,
get some clothes on.
218
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,272
- I'm dressed for the doctor.
- Undressed, more like.
219
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,551
- Could I have your attention?
- Would you like a cup of tea?
220
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,716
- No, thank you, May.
- May?
221
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,832
May I say you've all done splendidly?
222
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,395
Now, I suggest we try a little rehearsal
for the arrival of our VIP.
223
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,908
- Rehearsal?
- How do we do that?
224
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,076
One of us will be Dr Beeching arriving,
225
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,635
being greeted and escorted
to the waiting room to meet the staff.
226
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,511
Can I be Dr Beeching?
227
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,473
Somehow, I don't think
you have the bearing for it.
228
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:09,674
You should take the role, Mr Parkin.
You've got lovely bearings.
229
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,833
Give us a cup of tea, will ya,
before I pass out?
230
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,519
Mr Lambert, I have a job for you.
231
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:21,554
Don't tell me.
You want me to polish the rails.
232
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,672
No, I want you to impersonate Dr Beeching.
233
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,314
- What, to his face?
- No, no.
234
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,989
Pretend to be Dr Beeching arriving
and being introduced to the staff.
235
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:34,271
It's a little rehearsal.
You and Mr Skinner come with me.
236
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,550
The rest of you take up your positions.
237
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,750
What about my cup of tea?
238
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,598
You can have a whole pot
sent up to your box later.
239
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,393
- And an Eccles cake?
- And an Eccles cake, yes!
240
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,113
- Now come along!
- All right, all right.
241
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,677
Right, the train is arriving.
Do your stuff, Mr Skinner.
242
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,508
- Hatley, Hatley, Hatley!
- This is indeed an honour, Dr Beeching.
243
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,633
- I ain't got off the train yet.
- Yes, you have.
244
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,150
I am the station master, Cecil Parkin.
245
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,112
- Is this Hatley?
- I've just said it is.
246
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,310
- Mr Skinner, please.
- Is he deaf?
247
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,157
I might be.
248
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,715
Let us assume, for the sake
of the exercise, that you are not deaf.
249
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,309
- Just flamin' awkward.
- Gentlemen, pull yourselves together.
250
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,157
Now, let's try again.
251
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,395
- I am the station master.
- Yes.
252
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,113
- This is our head porter, Mr Skinner.
- How do you do?
253
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,276
A fine-looking signal box.
254
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,676
Yes, as I was saying,
this is our head porter.
255
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,837
I can see that. Who's the signalman?
256
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:43,000
- He won't ask that.
- Are you Dr Beeching or am I?
257
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,431
- You are.
- Right, then...
258
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:50,632
- Who's the signalman?
- Harry Lambert.
259
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,750
I'd like to meet him.
260
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,836
He can't leave his post.
261
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,435
Salt of the earth, I dare say.
262
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,472
- Pain in the neck, more like.
- Shut it, Skinner.
263
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,149
You'll be lucky to get your tea,
never mind an Eccles cake.
264
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,668
- Now, would you step this way, sir?
- Certainly.
265
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,678
And don't forget
to give my best wishes to Mr Lambert.
266
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:15,316
- Yes, sir.
- An unsung hero, if ever there was one.
267
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,475
Right, stand to attention, everyone.
Shoulders back, chests out.
268
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,590
Not too far out, Gloria.
269
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:33,838
May I introduce you to Mrs Schumann,
who is in charge of our booking office?
270
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,270
- Good evening, Dr Beeching.
- Evening, Mrs Schumann.
271
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,629
Shall we try a small curtsy?
272
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,148
Evening, Mrs Schumann.
273
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,268
Not you! Mrs Schumann!
274
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:50,313
- Well, I don't know how to.
- It's quite easy. Like this.
275
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,919
- I'll fall over.
- Well, try, Mrs Schumann.
276
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,311
Forget the curtsy.
277
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,432
Another valued member
of our community, Mrs Plumtree.
278
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,392
- Yes.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
279
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,193
I've always wanted to see you
in the flesh.
280
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,629
Well, you're not going to.
281
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:22,079
It was a little fulsome, Mrs Plumtree.
"How do you do?" would be sufficient.
282
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,395
Last but by no means least, Mrs Skinner,
283
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,477
our buffet manageress,
and her charming daughter Gloria.
284
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,159
- Good evening.
- How do you do, Dr Beeching?
285
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,269
Evening, both.
286
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:36,758
Mrs Skinner is justly renowned for
her beverages and... tasty refreshments.
287
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,711
Yeah?
288
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,116
If there's anything at all you require,
you only have to ask.
289
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,152
- A cup of tea and an Eccles cake?
- Shut up!
290
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,238
- Get back to work, everyone.
- Mr Parkin.
291
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,669
He hasn't been introduced
to Wilfred yet.
292
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:57,272
- Hasn't he? I'm sorry.
- Dr Beeching, this is my son Wilfred.
293
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,595
- I see.
- Hello!
294
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,234
You have my sympathy, Mrs Schumann.
295
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,799
- Can I tell you something, Dr Beeching?
- What?
296
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,833
You don't look
anything like your photograph.
297
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,876
Who is it?
298
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,320
- Vera.
- Don't come in.
299
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,914
- Did you say "come in"?
- No. I said "don't".
300
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,839
I won't keep you. I just wanted
to know if you're satisfied
301
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,110
with the cleanliness of your office.
302
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,720
More than satisfied, thank you.
303
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,672
Shall I iron your unmentionables?
304
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,395
- No. No, no, they're still damp.
- All the better.
305
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:49,230
Mrs Plumtree, you may not have noticed,
but I am trying to change.
306
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,477
I can't see the need for that,
Mr Parkin.
307
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,876
We all like you just the way you are.
308
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,356
Firm but fair.
That's how I should describe you.
309
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:03,154
- Thank you.
- You don't mind me saying you're firm?
310
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,876
You can say anything you like,
but please go now and close the door.
311
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,708
The station's...
ready for your inspection.
312
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,557
Thank you, Mr Skinner.
313
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,433
- I'll be along in a few moments.
- Time's running short.
314
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,870
I've one or two loose ends
to tie up here first.
315
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,911
That looks like trousers.
316
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,872
They are trousers,
which I am trying to put on.
317
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:31,914
Mr Parkin, forgive me.
I didn't realise, really I didn't.
318
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,315
Pull the other one. It's got bells on.
319
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:38,558
Mr Skinner,
how dare you make incinerations!
320
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,079
God!
321
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:44,237
Don't worry, Mr Parkin.
Your secret's safe with me.
322
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,475
- There is no secret!
- You're right.
323
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,034
She goes for anything in trousers.
324
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,640
- Or without 'em.
- Out!
325
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,278
That's typical, that is.
One mile to go and we have to stop.
326
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,311
Now, now, calm down, lad.
327
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:07,557
Beeching'll be fuming
and he'll take it out on us.
328
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,397
No, he won't.
329
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,040
There's someone looking out the window.
330
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,675
Don't jump, sir! We're not there yet!
331
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,109
Shut up. Pull yourself together.
332
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:29,396
I've been dreaming of the day when he'd
walk up the platform and shake my hand.
333
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,591
Now it'll never happen.
A career in ruins.
334
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,074
You're falling to pieces, lad.
335
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,510
I wanted Gloria
to see my moment of fame.
336
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,553
- Now it's all turned to ashes.
- Take your mind off things.
337
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,878
- Do a bit of shovelling.
- My head feels funny.
338
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,911
Everything's a blur.
339
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,598
That's because
you've taken your glasses off.
340
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,358
Right, signal's down.
All hands to the pumps.
341
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,312
I feel faint. I can't think straight.
342
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,555
Just grab the whistle
and give us a toot.
343
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,068
I think I've got stage fright.
344
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,111
What the hell's that?
345
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,149
I don't know... but I think I've got it.
346
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,191
Leave it to me.
347
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,349
Maybe I should put in for a transfer.
348
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,789
Well, if you don't, I will.
349
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,795
I hope the doctor doesn't offer his hand.
350
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,434
- Why?
- I don't have the strength to shake it.
351
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,189
- Jack, how does that look?
- Like you've cut yourself shaving.
352
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,275
You're a real boost to my confidence.
353
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,835
- You want the truth, don't you?
- Not if it's nasty.
354
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,269
I'm sorry, but I call a spade a spade.
355
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,596
Show a little charm like Mr Parkin does.
He's a gentleman.
356
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,154
- Is he heck!
- What do you mean?
357
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:55,069
Gentlemen don't look at other people's
wives like he does with May.
358
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,997
He ogles and leers like this.
359
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,831
That's not ogling and leering.
More like indigestion.
360
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,710
Then why is he always in her kitchen?
361
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,751
May is an attractive woman.
362
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,678
You should be proud
the way men admire her.
363
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,759
No one's ever told me I had a smile
that could launch a thousand ships.
364
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,109
No, sink 'em more like.
365
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,913
- Jack!
- I don't mean it.
366
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,270
Well, that's the best I can do.
How do I look?
367
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,639
- The truth?
- Yes.
368
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,992
- Short and fat with a silly moustache.
- You're asking for it.
369
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,191
You see? You don't like me
calling a spade a spade, do you?
370
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,710
- You want flattery like anybody does.
- Rubbish.
371
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,992
Right, just suppose it wasn't
Dr Beeching arriving on this train.
372
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,474
Suppose it was a famous film star,
373
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,717
a really glamorous one like...
Jane Russell.
374
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,079
- Jane Russell?
- Yes.
375
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,192
And she came up close to you
and gave you one of her
376
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,437
"I'm in the market, try me" looks.
377
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,836
Followed by a great big fruity smile.
378
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,997
I bet you wouldn't say
"Have you cut yourself shaving?"
379
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,998
Of course I wouldn't.
I'd give her a generous compliment.
380
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,828
- What would you say, then?
- "How much are your watermelons?"
381
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:12,710
Very generous. Anyway, I've cleaned
this off a bit. Is it any better?
382
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,557
- Not much.
- Jack.
383
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,831
- Can't you say something nice to me?
- How much are your plums?
384
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,871
Ooh, men.
385
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,435
Come in. Ey-up. The car's arriving.
386
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,711
- Right, get Parkin. Come on, Ethel.
- Yeah, coming.
387
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,513
Thank you.
388
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,229
- Good evening, Lady Lawrence.
- Good evening.
389
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,271
Good evening.
390
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,191
Excuse me.
391
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:16,911
Mr Parkin!
392
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:32,037
- Come on, hurry up! She's here!
- All right, all right!
393
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,913
You'll be pleased to know
we've hosed down the platform,
394
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,476
polished the windows, planted fresh
flowers and changed into clean uniforms.
395
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,751
It seems a trifle excessive, but thank you.
396
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,030
Nothing's too much trouble for Dr Beeching.
397
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,071
You know who's coming, then?
398
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,589
Lady Lawrence, may I warm you
most welcomely to Hatley?
399
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,393
You may.
400
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,432
I hope you can remember
what Dr Beeching looks like.
401
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,199
Course I can.
Short and fat with a silly moustache.
402
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,550
Ralph, let go.
403
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,431
No!
404
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,436
We're going to overshoot!
405
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,837
- Get off!
- Will you stop it?
406
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,431
I didn't mean stop it.
407
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,034
Now we'll all be out of a job.
408
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,469
Well, I thought I done it quite well.
409
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,317
Dr Beeching?
410
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,631
Dr Beeching?
411
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:47,194
How good of you to come,
Dr Beeching.
412
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,232
- It's my pleasure. How are you?
- Excuse me, your ladyship.
413
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,556
I think you've made a mistake.
This gentleman is not Dr Beeching.
414
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,433
My dear man, of course he is.
415
00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:00,234
Well, I should know
my own gynaecologist when I see him.
416
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,592
See? I told you he didn't look
anything like his photograph.
417
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,272
Mr Skinner, please!
418
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,879
♪ Doctor Beeching, what have you done?
419
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,708
♪ There once were lots of trains
to catch but soon there will be none
420
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,469
♪ I'll have to buy a bike
cos I can't afford a car
421
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,638
♪ Doctor Beeching,
what a naughty man you are
422
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,355
♪ Doctor Beeching, what have you done?
423
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,313
♪ There once were lots of trains
to catch but soon there will be none
424
00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:01,478
♪ I'll have to buy a bike
cos I can't afford a car
425
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,956
♪ Doctor Beeching,
what a naughty man you are
34885
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