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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:17,685 [ MUSIC PLAYS ] 2 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:41,075 Woman: YOU KNOW, RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE A LOT LIKE A LOAF OF BREAD. 3 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,677 AT THE BEGINNING, THEY'RE HOT AND FRESH, 4 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,746 AND YOU CAN ALWAYS GET A RISE. 5 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:48,249 BUT WITH TIME, IF YOU DON'T KNEAD 'EM CAREFULLY, 6 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,950 THEY GROW OLD AND STALE. 7 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,953 NOW, I KNOW THAT LIFE AIN'T NO EASY-BAKE OVEN. 8 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,223 BUT WITH THE KIDS AND MY HUSBAND'S JOB, 9 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:58,126 IT'S ALMOST AS IF WE'VE FORGOTTEN TO ADD THE YEAST. 10 00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:00,128 SO I'M HOPING THIS TRIP TO RENO 11 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,363 WITH OUR BEST FRIENDS, CANDY AND ROY, 12 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,598 WILL BE JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED. 13 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,400 "F"... 14 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,502 "L"... 15 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,739 "O"... 16 00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,807 CAN'T YOU SEE IT, DARLENE? 17 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:17,145 NO. IT'S KINDA HARD TO MAKE OUT. 18 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,013 [ SIGHS ] 19 00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,015 I THINK I'M JUST NERVOUS, DOC, 20 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,253 'CAUSE LONNIE EARL AND I HAVE GOT TO GO ON VACATION TOMORROW, 21 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,156 AND I'M JUST NOT REAL GOOD ABOUT LEAVIN' HOME. 22 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,025 [ BEEP ] 23 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,163 Woman: TRACY REGAL, CALL THE OPERATOR. 24 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,833 OKAY... 25 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,869 ALL RIGHT, BABY. MOVE THAT SIGN. 26 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,071 I'M TRYIN' TO SELL SOME CARS HERE. 27 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,073 HEY, LONNIE EARL DODD HERE. GUESS WHAT, FOLKS. 28 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:48,576 IT'S TIME FOR OUR ANNUAL PRESIDENTS' DAY BLOWOUT SALE, 29 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,011 AND I GOTTA TELL YOU, I'M FEELIN' RATHER PATRIOTIC. 30 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,214 AND I GUARANTEE WE WON'T BE UNDERSOLD BY ANYBODY, 31 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,716 AND IF YOU CAN'T TRUST OL' LONNIE EARL DODD, 32 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,785 THEN YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY. 33 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,057 ALL RIGHT NOW, DARLENE, UH, JUST GO AHEAD 34 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,427 AND USE ONE OR TWO OF THOSE DROPS IF YOU FEEL THE NEED, 35 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,230 ESPECIALLY OUT THERE ON THAT OLD I-40 AROUND THE MOJAVE DESERT. 36 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,731 [ CHUCKLES ] 37 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,733 YOU JUST, UH, GO ON AND HAVE YOURSELF A VACATION. 38 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:13,934 THANKS, DOC. 39 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,303 ROY? 40 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,205 Darlene: HEY, ROY! 41 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:23,677 OH, I GOT TO CALL CANDY AND SEE IF SHE'S BRINGING ANY NICE CLOTHES. 42 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,045 SHE HOME? YEAH, YEAH. 43 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,080 BUT, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T FIND THAT HUSBAND OF YOURS NOWHERE. 44 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:30,050 I'VE CALLED ALL OVER THE PLACE -- THE DEALERSHIP, EVERYWHERE -- AND I CAN'T ROUSE HIM. 45 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:33,221 WELL, YOU KNOW LONNIE EARL. HE'S PROBABLY UP TO NO GOOD. 46 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:37,558 AND IF YOU CAN'T TRUST ME, WHO CAN YOU TRUST? 47 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,762 AND REMEMBER -- IF YOU CAN'T TRUST ME, LONNIE EARL... 48 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,502 [ GRUNTS, GLASS BREAKS ] 49 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,472 IS THERE A PROBLEM? 50 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,840 YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT THERE IS! 51 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,476 HOW COME YOU GOT TO TAKE A SHOWER AFTER? 52 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:58,712 HUH? YOU FEEL DIRTY? 53 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,481 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL FEEL DIRTY. 54 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,351 OH, MY GOD, LONNIE EARL. WE'RE FILTHY. 55 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:06,119 I'M NOT. I'M ZESTFULLY CLEAN. 56 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,521 [ GRUNTS, GLASS BREAKS ] 57 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,789 OH, SHIT! 58 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,391 HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?! 59 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,760 ONE MINUTE YOU'RE CRYIN' ON MY SHOULDER ABOUT DARLENE, 60 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,895 THE NEXT MINUTE YOU'RE BANGIN' ME FROM BEHIND! 61 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,897 WELL, YOU TOLD ME NOT TO LOOK AT YOU. 62 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,266 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] 63 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,601 Man: I GOT TO SEND A SAMPLE OVER TO THE LAB. 64 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,869 TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH. 65 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,604 [ COUGHS ] 66 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,973 UH, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WORRYIN' ABOUT IT, THOUGH. 67 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,842 Y'ALL JUST GO ON AND ENJOY YOUR VACATION. 68 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,644 WELL, YOU KNOW, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, 69 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,747 'CAUSE I KNOW WORRYIN' ABOUT IT AIN'T GONNA CHANGE NOTHIN', IS IT? 70 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:34,948 THAT'S RIGHT. 71 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:39,287 SO, UH...WHAT Y'ALL GOT LINED UP? 72 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,455 LONNIE EARL'S GOT A BET WITH OL' BILL MOORE 73 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,124 THAT, UH, HE CAN EAT THIS GIANT OL' 72-OUNCE STEAK IN AMARILLO. 74 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,459 HORSESHIT. 75 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,495 THEN WE'RE GONNA POP UP TO THE GRAND CANYON, 76 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,129 'CAUSE DARLENE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE THAT. 77 00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,465 AND, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT A PARTIER CANDY IS. 78 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,768 SHE'S JUST LOOKIN' FOR THE NIGHT LIFE AND THE SHOWS AND THE GAMBLIN' AND ALL THAT. YEAH. 79 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,404 BUT THE BIG THING IS, 80 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:59,307 WE GOT TICKETS TO THE MONSTER TRUCK JAM. 81 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,809 YEAH, YEAH. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BIG TIME. 82 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:05,513 YOU KNOW, ROY, I COULD, UH, SEND THE TEST RESULTS 83 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,548 OVER TO CANDY'S FOLKS, 84 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,849 LET THEM KNOW WHEN THEY COME IN. 85 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,217 NO. NO, SIR. 86 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,320 UH, I DON'T WANT... THEM WORRYIN' OR NOTHIN', 87 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,154 SO I'D LIKE TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW. 88 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,489 WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN. 89 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,625 I'LL JUST WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU. 90 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,226 AND DON'T YOU WORRY. 91 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:23,030 I'LL BET YOU THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE. 92 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,865 Woman on TV: ...BEAUTIFUL EMERALD... 93 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,134 [ DOG WHIMPERING, METAL RATTLING ] 94 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,669 OH... 95 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,971 DO YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE, MISS THING? 96 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,674 [ DOG WHIMPERING ] 97 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,343 COME ON, SWEETIE. 98 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:36,610 COME ON. 99 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,347 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PLANE. NO, IT'S SUPERMAN! 100 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:42,850 LANE AARON DODD, GET YOUR ASS DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW! 101 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,818 BUT I'M SUPERMAN! 102 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,755 YOUR BUTT'S GONNA BE SUPER RED, IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY. 103 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:50,424 [ MUMBLING ] 104 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,461 Woman on radio: * YOU KNOW IT WAS A LIE 105 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,529 * 'CAUSE DEEP INSIDE MY HEART... * 106 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,964 HEY, GOOD-LOOKIN'! 107 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,899 JESUS H. CHRIST, ROY. OH, DEAR. 108 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,901 DON'T DO THAT! I'M SORRY, DARLIN'. 109 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,004 GOD, YOU ALMOST MADE ME PISS ON THE RUG! I'M SORRY. 110 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,006 WHY ARE YOU SO JUMPY? I JUST... 111 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,809 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY? 112 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,077 SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT WORK? 113 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,446 WELL, YOUR DADDY ASKED ME TO RUN SOME ERRANDS FOR HIM, 114 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:15,816 SO I THOUGHT I'D JUST KINDA STOP BY AND SEE IF YOU WAS OVULATIN'. 115 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,385 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 116 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,920 WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I AM OR NOT. 117 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,256 WELL, YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE YOU SHOULD BE OVULATIN'. 118 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,592 HMM? [LAUGHS] WHAT? 119 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,093 ROY, NO. NOT RIGHT NOW. COME ON. 120 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,228 THAT TOWEL WILL COME OFF -- YOU SHOULD GO TO WORK, YOU KNOW? 121 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,398 DADDY WILL MISS YOU, AND THEN THERE'D BE A LOT OF SHIT, 122 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,932 AND HE'LL GET PISSED OFF, AND -- 123 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,402 DARLIN', IT AIN'T POSSIBLE FOR HIM NOT TO GET PISSED OFF. 124 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,938 HE AIN'T GONNA HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT, IF HE THINKS WE'RE MAKING A GRANDBABY. 125 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,408 ROY -- REAL QUICK? JUST A LITTLE QUICKIE. 126 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:41,709 I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW, GOD DAMN IT. 127 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:42,776 VERY FAST? I HAVE -- 128 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,412 SWEETHEART... I HAVE A TON OF SHIT TO DO. 129 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,780 I GOT TO PACK. WE GOT TO LEAVE TOMORROW, BABY! 130 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,815 RENO! 131 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,750 ALL -- ALL RIGHT. 132 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,785 CANDY, WH-- 133 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:56,424 WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OUR WEDDING PICTURE? 134 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,958 CAT. 135 00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,827 TOO MUCH CATNIP, YOU KNOW? 136 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,995 MURPHY? YES. BABY... 137 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,897 HE MUST'VE MULE-KICKED THE DANG -- 138 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,265 ...I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. 139 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,567 COME OVER HERE. 140 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,801 WHAT? YOU READY? 141 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,803 WHAT? OKAY. 142 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:13,607 SO I'VE BEEN THINKIN', AND... 143 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,544 YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO WHEN WE GET TO RENO? 144 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,111 HUH? 145 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:23,283 I WANT TO RENEW OUR WEDDING VOWS. 146 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:28,756 W-WHY? WHAT...WHAT FOR? 147 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,559 BECAUSE IT'S ROMANTIC, ROY. 148 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:36,964 A LOT OF PEOPLE GET MARRIED WHERE GAMBLING IS LEGAL. 149 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:40,768 WELL, ONE KINDA DOES GO WITH THE OTHER, DON'T IT? [ LAUGHS ] 150 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,471 OH, YES, BABY. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 151 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:47,307 IT'D BE SO GREAT 'CAUSE IT WOULD BE LIKE A BRAND-NEW START FOR US. 152 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,944 LIKE -- LIKE IF EITHER ONE OF US EVER DID ANYTHING IN THE PAST 153 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,947 THAT -- THAT WE'D LIKE TO CHANGE, 154 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,983 IT WOULD JUST BE ERASED. 155 00:06:56,083 --> 00:07:00,654 LIKE, IT WON'T COUNT NO MORE, OKAY? 156 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,656 WELL...HAVE -- HAVE -- 157 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,593 HAVE I DONE SOMETHIN' WRONG I DON'T KNOW ABOUT? 158 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,861 I MEAN, IF I D-- I-IF I DID, I'M SORRY. 159 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,598 OH, HONEY, NO. NO. 160 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,666 WELL...WELL, WHAT? 161 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,335 NO, HONEY. 162 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,506 IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO DO. 163 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,509 PICTURE IT -- 164 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:25,045 RENO... WITH ALL THEM BRIGHT LIGHTS... 165 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,114 AND ALL THE ACTION. 166 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,349 OH, BABY, IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT. 167 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,352 PLEASE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. 168 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,955 WELL, HELL, YOU KNOW, IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'M GAME. 169 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:35,989 LET'S DO IT. 170 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,124 OH! [ LAUGHS ] 171 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,126 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 172 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,794 TELL ME. I HATE SURPRISES. 173 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,730 WELL, JUST -- JUST SEE FOR YOURSELF. 174 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:48,769 NO. YOU DIDN'T. 175 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:49,970 I DID. * OH, YEAH... 176 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,405 YOU SURE DID. WHOA! 177 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:55,375 * OH, YEAH... OH, MY LORD. 178 00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,845 YOU DID. YOU HORN DOG, YOU. 179 00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,680 SEE THERE? AIN'T SHE A BEAUT? 180 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,849 DEALER EXCLUSIVE. ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL. 181 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,885 BOY, THIS SON OF A BITCH HAS GOT EVERYTHING ON IT 182 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,386 EXCEPT ELECTRIC DICK MASSAGE. 183 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,855 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, LONNIE. 184 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,857 ARE WE REALLY GONNA TAKE THIS SON OF A BITCH ACROSS THE COUNTRY? 185 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,759 WELL, HELL, YEAH, WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT ACROSS THE COUNTRY. 186 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:12,993 IT'S GOT TO COST A FORTUNE! 187 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,562 WELL, NOTHING'S TOO GOOD FOR MY FRIENDS. 188 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,229 WE'RE GONNA BE RIDIN' AND STYLIN' AND PROFILIN'. 189 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,666 IT SMELLS LOUD. [ SNIFFS ] 190 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,034 THAT'S PROBABLY THAT CORINTHIAN LEATHER, IS WHAT THAT IS. 191 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,736 I WOULD IMAGINE. 192 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,904 THAT'S REAL LEATHER? 193 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,573 WELL, HELL, YEAH, IT'S REAL LEATHER. 194 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,874 DANG ME. 195 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:30,077 YOU KNOW WHAT? BESIDES THAT, I HAD JEROME UNHOOK THE ODOMETER. 196 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,613 SELL THE SON OF A BITCH LIKE BRAND-NEW WHEN WE GET BACK. 197 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,081 [ LAUGHS ] SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 198 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,148 YOU'RE MY HERO. 199 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,784 HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK, RONNIE? 200 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:37,918 Ronnie: THESE WHEELS ARE SWEET. 201 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,052 YEAH, THEY ARE, AIN'T THEY? 202 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,420 [ ENGINE REVS ] 203 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:41,589 W-W-WHOA! WHOA! 204 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,624 [ TIRES SCREECH ] YOU CRAZY? 205 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,758 HEY, YOU GUYS! 206 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,761 HEY, LONNIE EARL, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? 207 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,797 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN DAYS. 208 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,065 YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY KEEP ME HOPPIN'. YEAH. 209 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,872 OH, LONNIE EARL, I GOT TO STOP BY WORK ON THE WAY OUT OF TOWN. 210 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,974 WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? 211 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,876 Darlene: ROY GOT IN A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE WITH DADDY AGAIN. 212 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,044 HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIM. 213 00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,013 IT AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' TO DO WITH YOUR DADDY, BABY. 214 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,214 YEAH, WELL... 215 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,049 HEY...YOU SERIOUS? 216 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,184 IT AIN'T GONNA TAKE BUT A MINUTE, MAN. 217 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,686 YOU SEE THIS? 218 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,255 IT'S A TRIPTIK. IT'S CALLED A TRIPTIK. 219 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,725 NOW, I TOOK THE TROUBLE TO CALL AAA 220 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,893 AND HAVE THEM FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING FOR US -- 221 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,495 THE WHOLE SCHEDULE -- SO WE'RE GONNA STICK TO IT, OKAY? 222 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:25,098 EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ THAT LOUD AND CLEAR, YOU UNDERSTAND? 223 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,834 Darlene: HONEY, DON'T GET SO UPTIGHT. 224 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,401 I'M NOT UPTIGHT! 225 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,170 [ METAL RATTLING ] 226 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,472 [ STEAM HISSING ] 227 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,775 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 228 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,645 [ MACHINERY WHIRRING ] 229 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,148 MR. KIRKENDALL? 230 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,853 MR. BUSH IS AS MAD AS A RILED-UP BULL 231 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,655 ABOUT THAT BEEFY NIBBY THING. 232 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,923 I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT ON THE WRONG LABELS. 233 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,993 AND I JUST FEEL PLUMB AWFUL ABOUT IT, SIR. I NEED THIS JOB. 234 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,962 WHAT IF HE FIRES ME, MR. KIRKENDALL? JUNE... 235 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,831 JUNE, YOU LISTEN TO ME. YOU AIN'T GONNA GET FIRED. I PROMISE YOU, OKAY? 236 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:02,102 EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES. I MEAN, HELL, LOOK AT ME. JUST ASK MY MAMA, OKAY? [ LAUGHS ] 237 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:05,873 [ MACHINERY WHIRRING ] 238 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,676 GOOD TO SEE YA, SWEETIE PIE! 239 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,113 LONNIE EARL, THAT CAR'S RUNNIN' GREAT. THANKS. 240 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,247 GOOD DEAL, FRED. 241 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,716 DARLENE... 242 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,851 YOU'RE LOOKIN' BEAUTIFUL, AS ALWAYS. 243 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,720 Darlene: THANK YOU, FRED. 244 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,889 [ BELL RINGS ] 245 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,891 ROY... 246 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,827 YOU BUMBLE-DICK GOURD HEAD. 247 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,833 WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU, FRED? UH, NICE MORNING, AIN'T IT? 248 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,902 DAMN IT, BOY, DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME. 249 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,004 I WILL SLAP THE TASTE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. 250 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:41,709 DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY INKLING WHY YOU'RE HERE? 251 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:42,976 WELL... 252 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:45,979 ...NO. 253 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:50,050 I HAVE GOT 200 CASES OF OCEAN DELIGHT 254 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,252 THAT ARE LABELED "BEEF AND CHEESE NIBBIES." 255 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,722 NOW, YOU TELL ME HOW THE HELL SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT HAPPENS. 256 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,057 OH, NO. 257 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,126 I AM SORRY. I... 258 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,393 IT IS MY FAULT. 259 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,864 I-I GOT THE CANS MIXED UP, AND THEN CANDY PAGED ME, 260 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,432 AND I HAD TO... 261 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:06,734 WELL... 262 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:07,935 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 263 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,370 I...I FORGOT. 264 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,806 YEAH, BUT THEN WHY DID YOU GO AHEAD AND SHIP 'EM? 265 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,809 I MEAN, WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT CAT LOVERS HERE, BOY. 266 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,011 WHEN THE CAT LOVER OPENS THE BEEF AND CHEESE NIBBIES, 267 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,983 HE EXPECTS TO FIND THE BEEF AND CHEESE NIBBIES, NOT A FUCKIN' OCEAN DELIGHT! 268 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,017 UNDERSTOOD? 269 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,152 YES, SIR. 270 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,323 AND JUST WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU YESTERDAY AFTERNOON 271 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,125 WHEN ALL THIS WAS HAPPENIN'? 272 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,594 OH, HE WAS AT THE HOUSE. 273 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,830 I NEEDED HIM FOR SOMETHING. 274 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:40,233 OH? WELL, OKAY. 275 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,069 WHY? WHAT... 276 00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,371 WASN'T NOTHIN' WRONG, WAS THERE? 277 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,841 UH, NO. UH, YOU SEE... 278 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:51,244 UM, NO, SIR, SEE, UH, SHE'S JUST CHECKIN' FOR WHEN SHE'S OVULATIN' 279 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:55,482 BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT THAT GRANDBABY, SO, UH, WHEN SHE PAGES, I COME. 280 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,851 [ STEAM HISSING ] 281 00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,821 UH...I MEAN...I GO. 282 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,024 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 283 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,226 [ BELL RINGS ] 284 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,863 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. JUST... 285 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,431 JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 286 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:15,368 Lonnie Earl: WELL, I'M GLAD WE'RE FINALLY ON THE ROAD. 287 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,571 HERE'S TO A BIG OL' TIME. 288 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:19,840 LOOK OUT, RENO. 289 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,375 WE'RE GONNA PUT SOME HAIR ON THE WALL. 290 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,054 [ SIREN WAILS ] 291 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,123 WELL, SHIT ON A STICK. 292 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,129 OH, GOOD. IT'S JUST RUSSELL AND BOYD. WE'RE GONNA BE OUT OF HERE IN A HEARTBEAT. 293 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,296 ALL RIGHT, SIR -- 294 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,731 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 295 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,567 WELL, HEY, LONNIE EARL! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS YOU. 296 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,836 HOW IS EVERYBODY? 297 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,238 HOW ABOUT YOU, RUSSELL... BOYD? 298 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,339 HI, CANDY. 299 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,506 OOH-EE, MAN. 300 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,909 THIS IS ONE FINE VEHICLE YOU GOT HERE. 301 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,211 HAS THAT GOT THAT DICK MASSAGE ON IT, TOO? 302 00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,980 NO. DON'T YOU START WITH ME. 303 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,949 LISTEN, UM, WE'RE IN KIND OF A HURRY. 304 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,851 WE'RE GOIN' OUT OF TOWN ON VACATION. 305 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,218 NO KIDDING? WHEREABOUTS YOU GOIN'? 306 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:06,887 RENO, NEVADA. OH... 307 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,189 NO SHIT? Y'ALL GOIN' TO THAT MONSTER TRUCK JAM OUT THERE? 308 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,958 YOU GOT IT, HOSS. CHECK THIS SON OF A BITCH OUT. 309 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,359 LUCKY SONS OF BITCHES -- 310 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,327 GOIN' TO THE BIGGEST LITTLE CITY IN THE WORLD. 311 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,097 YEAH. WELL, SEE THERE? OF COURSE, THAT IS IF WE GET THERE IN TIME. 312 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,366 I'D LOVE TO SIT HERE AND TALK TO YOU ALL DAY LONG. YOU KNOW THAT. 313 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,768 YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU, BOYD? 314 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:24,371 BUT, SEE, WE GOT TO GET ON THE ROAD, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET US GO? 315 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,874 NOW, LONNIE EARL, YOU KNOW YOU RAN THAT STOP SIGN BACK THERE. 316 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,878 WELL, HELL, I'VE BEEN RUNNIN' THAT SON OF A BITCH SINCE I BEEN DRIVIN', RUSSELL. YOU KNOW THAT. EVERYBODY RUNS THAT DAMN SIGN. 317 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,212 I KNOW I DO. 318 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,314 [ LAUGHTER ] DAMN IT, BOYD. SEE? 319 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,785 LOOK, LONNIE EARL, I UNDERSTAND THAT AND ALL, 320 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,889 BUT...YOU JUST SHOULDN'T DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. 321 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,457 JUST LOOK AT YOU -- YOU'RE SITTIN' THERE, YOU'RE DRINKIN' THAT BEER 322 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,226 LIKE WE WAS AT THE DRIVE-IN MOVIES 323 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,461 AND I WASN'T WEARIN' THIS HERE BADGE. 324 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,898 RUSSELL, THIS IS MY FIRST BEER OF THE DAY. I SWEAR TO GOD. 325 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,465 I'LL VOUCH FOR HIM. SEE? 326 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,067 ME TOO, BOYD. ME THREE. 327 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,469 OH, COME ON, RUSSELL. EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES. 328 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,906 COME ON, RUSSELL. SHIT. 329 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,374 HEY, YOU KNOW HOW FOND OF BEER YOU ARE, DON'T YOU? 330 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,010 [ Laughing ] HEY, NOW. 331 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,044 RIGHT? ISN'T HE, BOYD? 332 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,346 [ Laughing ] OH, HE HATES IT. SWEAR TO GOD. 333 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,780 [ LAUGHTER ] 334 00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,217 WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHIN' AT? 335 00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,919 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 336 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,254 WHY DON'T I JUST HOP UP ON TOP OF THIS TRUCK AND UNSTRAP A COUPLE CASES 337 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,822 AND GIVE IT TO Y'ALL, AND LET'S CALL IT EVEN? 338 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,090 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, AS FRIENDS. 339 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,292 I WOULDN'T CALL THAT EVEN. I'D CALL THAT A BRIBE. 340 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:24,431 [ DOORS CLOSE, INDISTINCT VOICES ON RADIO ] 341 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,133 BUCKLE UP! 342 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,768 [ INTRODUCTION TO "STICKSHIFTS AND SAFETY BELTS" PLAYS ] 343 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,939 [ GLASS BREAKS ] 344 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,706 * STICK SHIFTS AND SAFETY BELTS * 345 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,542 [ HORN BLARES ] 346 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,645 * BUCKET SEATS HAVE ALL GOT TO GO * 347 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,013 * WHEN WE'RE DRIVING IN THE CAR * 348 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,149 [ BEEP, BEEP ] 349 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:45,452 * IT MAKES MY BABY SEEM SO FAR * 350 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,989 * I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME 351 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,959 * NOT WAY OVER IN A BUCKET SEAT * 352 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:55,795 * I NEED YOU TO BE HERE WITH ME * 353 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:56,329 * NOT WAY OVER IN A BUCKET SEAT * 354 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,430 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 355 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,642 [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ] 356 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,045 NOW, IF ANYBODY'S GOT TO PISS, LET'S DO IT NOW, 357 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,646 'CAUSE WE DON'T STOP AGAIN FOR A WHILE. 358 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,615 HEY, YOU WANT ME TO GET THESE BOTTLES AND TOSS 'EM? 359 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:19,452 WELL, HELL, NO. WE CAN GET DEPOSIT ON THEM LATER ON. JUST PUMP THE GAS. 360 00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,654 YES, SIR. 361 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,824 LONNIE EARL, CAN I GET SOME WINE COOLERS? 362 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,859 WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU DRINK BEER LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE? 363 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,595 I TOLD YOU -- IT'S FULL UP IN THERE. 364 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,830 WE AIN'T GOT ROOM FOR A BUNCH OF WINE COOLERS. 365 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,266 WELL, I WOULDN'T MIND HAVIN' ONE OF THEM WINE COOLERS. 366 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,035 [ HORN HONKS IN DISTANCE ] 367 00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:40,773 [ SCOFFS ] BUY SOME DAMN WINE COOLERS, THEN. 368 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,909 COOLERS! 369 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,912 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU LIKE TO DRINK THEM THINGS. SISSY SHIT. 370 00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,847 HELL, YEAH, GIRLS. THERE YOU GO. 371 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,017 YOU TOO, ROY. JUST PILE IT THE HELL ON THERE. 372 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,385 I GOT PLENTY OF MONEY. I'M MR. DEEP POCKETS. 373 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,622 DOES ANYBODY ELSE HERE WANT ME TO BUY 'EM ANYTHING WHILE WE'RE HERE AT THE COUNTER? 374 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,157 [ CANDY LAUGHS ] 375 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,525 OOH, LOOK! 376 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,729 BOB BARKER IS DATIN' ANOTHER ONE OF THEM BARKER BEAUTIES. 377 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,532 THAT OLD MAN CAN'T KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS. 378 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,368 HE OUGHT TO TAKE HIS OWN ADVICE AND GET IT NEUTERED. 379 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,403 I SAY MORE POWER TO HIM. 380 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,039 YOU WOULD. 381 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,907 WELL, AT LEAST HE'S GETTIN' HIM SOME. 382 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,277 Roy: DARLENE! HEY, HEY, HEY, DARLENE! 383 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,678 IT'S AN OKLAHOMA SHOT GLASS. 384 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,748 THEY GOT ONE. YOU GOT ONE OF THESE? NO, WE DON'T. 385 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:25,452 YOU BETTER GET IT, 'CAUSE I DOUBT YOU'RE GONNA FIND ONE OF THESE SUCKERS ANYWHERE ELSE. 386 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,254 WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER DAMN SHOT GLASS. 387 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,056 ALL THEY DO IS COLLECT DUST ANYHOW. 388 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,191 JUST PUT THAT SON OF A BITCH BACK AND LET'S GO. 389 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,061 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE UP SOME TIME BEFORE LUNCH, ALL RIGHT? 390 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,468 HON, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HELP YOU BAG UP SOME OF THIS? 391 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:51,078 Darlene: SINCE LONNIE EARL PLANNED THE TRIP, 392 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,080 HE DECIDED TO STOP IN AMARILLO 393 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,947 SO COULD EAT THIS 72-OUNCE STEAK. 394 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,450 OF COURSE, HIS $50 BET WITH BILL MOORE 395 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,786 [ GLASS BREAKS ] WAS THE REAL REASON WE WERE STOPPING THERE. 396 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:02,155 I SWEAR THAT HUSBAND OF MINE WOULD DO ANYTHING 397 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,323 TO SAVE A BUCK. 398 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,491 [ HORN BLARES ] 399 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:08,395 [ FANFARE PLAYS ] 400 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,397 ISN'T THAT PRETTY? 401 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,964 OH, NO. 402 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,966 WAIT, LONNIE EARL. LET ME GET YOUR PICTURE. 403 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,302 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] MY LORD. 404 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,569 ONE MORE. 405 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,538 OKAY. YOU READY? GET CLOSER TO THE MEAT. 406 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:19,739 THAT IS -- THAT -- WHOO! 407 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,508 I'M SORRY. THAT IS THE ASS END OF A RHINO. 408 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,876 THIS IS NO BIGGER THAN A PAPA BURGER AT A&W. 409 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,478 EASILY HANDLEABLE. 410 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,946 [ LAUGHS ] 411 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,748 THAT HUNK OF MEAT'S BIGGER THAN OUR CAT. 412 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:30,783 YOU'RE GONNA BE SICK IS WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. 413 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,752 NO. I GOT A PLAN. SEE, YOU JUST TAKE YOUR TIME. 414 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,821 BREEZE THROUGH IT. EAT ALL THIS OTHER SHIT AFTERWARD. 415 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,823 YOU KNOW, PUSH IT THROUGH. SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 416 00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,591 GO WITH THE FLOW. THAT KIND OF DEAL. 417 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,527 YOU'RE GONNA BE SICK. 418 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,796 SHUT UP, DARLENE. LOOK AT ALL THIS MEAT I GET, AND I GET PAID TO EAT IT. YOU KIDDIN' ME? 419 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,599 Roy: YOU'RE GONNA BE RIDIN' THAT PORCELAIN PONY. YEAH, WE'LL SEE. 420 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,800 ARE YOU GONNA GO? 421 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,602 FIRST BITE. I'M READY. THERE YOU GO. 422 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,838 OKAY. 423 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:55,642 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? 424 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,845 THIS IS MR. LONNIE EARL DODD FROM MILLSBERG, 425 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:02,615 AND HE'S GONNA TRY TO EAT THIS 72-OUNCE STEAK DINNER. 426 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:03,850 GO, LONNIE EARL. 427 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,619 HE HAS ONE HOUR TO EAT 72 OUNCES OF MEAT, 428 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,989 SALAD, SHRIMP COCKTAIL, BAKED POTATO, AND BREAD. 429 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,459 IF YOU'D LIKE TO LOOK AT THIS STEAK, 430 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:13,826 COME OVER AND TAKE A LOOK, 431 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,762 BUT DON'T ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS. 432 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,030 HE ONLY HAS AN HOUR TO DO THIS IN. 433 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:21,067 LET'S GIVE LONNIE EARL A LITTLE ROUND OF ENCOURAGEMENT. 434 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:24,771 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 435 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,310 [ SWING MUSIC PLAYS ] 436 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:13,486 OKAY... HE'S GOT 45 SECONDS. 437 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,456 EVERYBODY GIVE HIM A HAND. HE'S GONNA MAKE IT. 438 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,825 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 439 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,932 Roy: LONNIE EARL DODD! 440 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:29,702 "BIG TEXAN STEAK RANCH 72-OUNCE STEAK CLUB ACHIEVEMENT AWARD." 441 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,338 Candy: TO LONNIE EARL DODD. 442 00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:32,439 I SAW. 443 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,574 THAT'S FREE AND YOU GET 50 BUCKS? 444 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,808 MM-HMM. 445 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,677 SO GOOD. CAN I TAKE A BITE OF YOURS? 446 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,078 IF I CAN HAVE YOUR CHERRY. 447 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,947 SURE YOU CAN, HONEY. THERE YOU GO. 448 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,882 Roy: I CAN'T EAT THIS WHOLE DANG THING. 449 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,083 OF COURSE YOU CAN, ROY. 450 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,352 Candy: WELL, I'LL HELP YOU. 451 00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:46,853 I KNEW YOU WOULD, BABY. 452 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,721 IT'S NOT LIKE LONNIE EARL WILL HELP YOU. 453 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,723 [ LAUGHTER ] 454 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,259 LONNIE EARL... 455 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,427 [ CHUCKLES ] LONNIE EARL...LOOK AT THIS. 456 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,263 I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A GIFT. 457 00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,764 Candy: COME ON! COME ON, LONNIE EARL! 458 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,766 I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU PUKE. 459 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,335 OH, HE'S FAKIN'! 460 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,437 IT'S NOT FUNNY, LONNIE EARL. 461 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:05,872 WHAT IS IT, HONEY? 462 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,974 YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 463 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,709 OH, MY GOD. I THINK HE'S GONNA BE SICK. 464 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:10,777 GET THAT BUCKET. WHAT'S WRONG? 465 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,779 HONEY... 466 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,247 HOLD ON! 467 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:16,549 LONNIE EARL, PUT YOUR ARMS UP! PUT YOUR ARMS UP! 468 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,251 GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM, HOMO! 469 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,819 Darlene: DON'T FUSS, CANDY. HE'S GONNA BE FINE. 470 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,521 YOU WANT TO THROW UP, LONNIE EARL? 471 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:22,855 LONNIE EARL, CAN YOU BREATHE? 472 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,392 OH, MY GOD. I THINK HE'S DYIN'! 473 00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:26,793 LONNIE EARL, DON'T DIE! 474 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,761 Roy: OH, HE JUST NEEDS ANOTHER BEER. 475 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,930 [ BURP ECHOING ] 476 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,399 HEY, JULIO. WHAT'S UP? 477 00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:34,634 OH, WELL, I BROUGHT SOMETHING OVER FOR YOU AND YOUR FATHER. 478 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,803 YOU KNOW, I REALLY WANT US TO BE GOOD FRIENDS AND GOOD NEIGHBORS. 479 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,638 HEY, MAN, WHAT IS IT? LET ME TAKE A LOOK. 480 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,906 WELL, THAT'S SOME GOOD FOOD, MAN. 481 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,808 WELL, I FIX IT MYSELF, YOU KNOW. [ LAUGHS ] 482 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,410 WELL, I AIN'T EATIN' NONE OF THAT MAFUNGUS. 483 00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,412 [ LAUGHTER ON TV ] 484 00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:47,013 Woman: MR. DODD, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE IT EASY. 485 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,849 AND Y'ALL MAKE SURE THAT HE DRINKS PLENTY OF FLUIDS. 486 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,151 [ BOTH LAUGHING ] 487 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,287 Sanford: ...SPARE RIBS AND MUSTARD GREENS. 488 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:57,857 SO, UM, HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR TRIP, 489 00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,191 AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF. 490 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:00,860 AND DON'T FORGET THIS. 491 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,862 OH, NO, THAT'S... HEY, THANKS. 492 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:03,763 YEAH. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 493 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:04,831 I WILL. 494 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,866 HI, HON. YOU ALL BETTER? 495 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,336 WELL, LIKE Y'ALL WOULD GIVE A SHIT. 496 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,038 UH, OKAY. WELL, HE JUST WANTED ME TO CHECK IN WITH YOU, 497 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:15,375 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, DOC, HE DON'T TRUST NOBODY ELSE, 498 00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:18,345 ESPECIALLY SOME SNOT-NOSED LITTLE TEXAS DOCTOR 499 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,347 WHO AIN'T TOO LONG OFF THE TIT. 500 00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:21,681 [ TOILET FLUSHES ] 501 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,650 UM, BUT, UH, LISTEN, WHILE I GOT YOU -- 502 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:27,387 UH, I -- WHAT ABOUT THEM TESTS I HAD DONE? 503 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,623 UH-HUH. OKAY. 504 00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,992 OKAY, I WILL BET ONE FOR YOU. 505 00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,364 THE DOC SAYS THAT, UH, 506 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:40,232 THAT, UH, IF YOU'RE STILL FEELIN' PUNY TOMORROW, 507 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,435 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MIX A BUNCH OF MEAT TENDERIZER 508 00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:45,838 IN SOME WATER AND DRINK IT, AND YOU'LL BE FINE. 509 00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,807 YEAH, I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE. 510 00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:51,378 PLUS I'M $50 RICHER, RIGHT? 511 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:55,882 [ LAUGHS ] AND A HOSPITAL BILL LATER. 512 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,386 OH, LISTEN. IF -- IF, UH, BILL MOORE GIVES ME SHIT ABOUT THIS BET, 513 00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,853 YOU'RE MY WITNESS, RIGHT? 514 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:02,722 DAMN STRAIGHT. 515 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,857 OKAY. 516 00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:07,594 I KNOW THE BOY. 517 00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:11,764 WHAT WAS THAT YOU WERE TALKIN' TO DOC TULEY ABOUT -- ABOUT SOME TESTS OR SOMETHIN'? 518 00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,833 UM...NOTHIN'. 519 00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:15,234 JUST, YOU KNOW, INSURANCE CRAP 520 00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:17,470 WHERE THEY MAKE YOU PEE IN A BOTTLE ALL THE TIME, 521 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:19,839 YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME YOU TURN AROUND. [ SNIFFS ] 522 00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:22,041 BUT ARE YOU GOIN' SWIMMIN' OR NOT? 523 00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:24,877 I DON'T THINK SO. 524 00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:26,979 I'LL JUST SINK LIKE A CAT IN A BAG. 525 00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:30,983 YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK I'M GONNA DO? GO TO THE SOUVENIR SHOP AND TEASE THAT RATTLESNAKE. 526 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,985 [ LAUGHS ] THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 527 00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:35,688 BESIDES THAT, YOU KNOW, DARLENE'S GONNA BE BACK IN A LITTLE BIT. 528 00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:38,558 SHE'S GONNA CHICKEN OUT. SHE WON'T EVER SNEAK IN NO HOTEL POOL. 529 00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:41,561 WELL, SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE ARE AWAY FROM HOME, 530 00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:44,697 THEY DO THINGS THEY MIGHT NOT NORMALLY DO. 531 00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:48,535 [ HINGES SQUEAK, DOORS SWING CLOSED ] 532 00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:50,903 YEAH, I WISH. 533 00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:52,539 [ CRICKETS CHIRPING ] 534 00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,541 All clear. 535 00:22:54,641 --> 00:22:57,009 I can't believe I'm doin' this. 536 00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:58,711 This is classy! 537 00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:00,813 Somethin' we're not used to. 538 00:23:00,913 --> 00:23:02,549 God help us. 539 00:23:02,649 --> 00:23:05,051 WHOO! 540 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,821 WHOO! 541 00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:10,923 OH, IT'S COLD. 542 00:23:12,459 --> 00:23:15,528 OH! GET IN, DAR. WHOO. 543 00:23:16,996 --> 00:23:20,567 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 544 00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:21,768 WHOO! OH! 545 00:23:21,868 --> 00:23:23,235 GET AWAY FROM ME! 546 00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:24,571 WHOO! 547 00:23:24,671 --> 00:23:27,339 WHAT DO YOU WEIGH, ABOUT 98 POUNDS WET? 548 00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:30,342 SHUT UP, DAR. YOU GOT A GREAT BODY. 549 00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:32,912 YOU JUST COVER IT UP ALL THE TIME. 550 00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:35,615 WHATEVER. 551 00:23:35,715 --> 00:23:37,950 ARE YOU HAPPY, DAR? 552 00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:41,120 I GUESS. WHY WOULDN'T I BE? 553 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:45,592 OH...I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN... 554 00:23:45,692 --> 00:23:49,361 THINGS JUST DON'T SEEM RIGHT BETWEEN YOU TWO LATELY. 555 00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:51,163 I MEAN, I ALWAYS BELIEVED 556 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,000 YOU TWO WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW? 557 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,736 LIKE -- LIKE BURT AND LONI. 558 00:23:56,836 --> 00:24:00,406 WELL, NOT LIKE THEM, BECAUSE THEY AIN'T MARRIED NO MORE. 559 00:24:00,507 --> 00:24:04,711 BUT -- BUT LIKE -- LIKE ELVIS AND PRISCILLA. 560 00:24:06,646 --> 00:24:08,681 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 561 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,550 IS THERE SOMETHING YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T? 562 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,118 NO! NO, NO, NO. 563 00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:14,987 NO, DAR. NO. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. 564 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:20,527 [ Voice breaking ] I JUST CARE ABOUT YOU GUYS SO MUCH, YOU KNOW? 565 00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:23,262 AND ESPECIALLY YOU, DAR, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. 566 00:24:23,530 --> 00:24:24,864 OH, HONEY... 567 00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:29,536 AND CAN'T A FRIEND TRY TO HELP A FRIEND? 568 00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:33,072 YEAH, BUT, OH, HONEY, DON'T CRY. 569 00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:34,941 YEAH, SILLY. 570 00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:38,545 DAMN WINE COOLERS GOT ME ALL EMOTIONAL. 571 00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:40,947 [ HINGES SQUEAK, GATE CLOSES ] 572 00:24:41,047 --> 00:24:42,949 [ Imitating Tarzan ] AAH-AH-AAH! 573 00:24:45,051 --> 00:24:47,854 OH! OH, DANG. THAT HURT LIKE HELL. 574 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:49,288 [ CHUCKLES ] 575 00:24:49,556 --> 00:24:50,957 CANDY? MM-HMM? 576 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:54,393 DO YOU LOVE ROY? 577 00:24:54,561 --> 00:24:56,095 [ CHUCKLES ] WELL... 578 00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:00,399 I -- I DON'T THINK I EVER GOT THE CHANCE 579 00:25:00,567 --> 00:25:03,736 TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ROY. [ CHUCKLES ] 580 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:06,773 I GUESS IT WAS MORE LIKE NATURE TOOK ITS OWN COURSE. 581 00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:11,077 NEXT THING I KNEW... 582 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:14,280 ROY WAS WORKIN' FOR DADDY AND WE WAS MARRIED. 583 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:17,917 LIKE THERE WASN'T ANY MIDDLE -- JUST THEN AND NOW. 584 00:25:19,986 --> 00:25:21,087 OH, SHIT. 585 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:22,922 WHAT'S WRONG, MARK SPITZ? 586 00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:24,591 YOU SEEM A LITTLE OUT OF SHAPE. 587 00:25:24,657 --> 00:25:25,758 [ GROANS ] 588 00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:29,295 THEM 12-OUNCE CURLS ARE... KINDA TAKIN' THEIR TOLL. 589 00:25:29,596 --> 00:25:31,931 [ LAUGHS ] 590 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:33,800 OH. [ GRUNTS ] 591 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:37,269 I GOTTA GO PEE. I'M GONNA GO BACK TO THE HOTEL. 592 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:39,939 I GOTTA GO PEE. DARLIN'... 593 00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,708 DARLIN'... I'M GOIN' BACK TO THE HOTEL. 594 00:25:41,808 --> 00:25:44,310 DARLIN', JUST PEE IN THE POOL. I DO IT ALL THE TIME. 595 00:25:44,410 --> 00:25:47,647 OH, GROSS, ROY. YOU COMING, DAR? 596 00:25:47,747 --> 00:25:49,448 I THINK I'LL SWIM A LITTLE. 597 00:25:49,616 --> 00:25:52,151 THIS WAS A PRETTY GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL. 598 00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,320 SEE YOU GUYS UP THERE. 599 00:25:54,621 --> 00:25:55,688 SEE YA. 600 00:26:06,666 --> 00:26:09,736 WHOO! [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] 601 00:26:09,836 --> 00:26:12,104 [ COUGHS ] FEELS GOOD. 602 00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:17,109 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] WHAT YOU DOIN', ROY? 603 00:26:17,209 --> 00:26:21,247 I'VE GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN'. 604 00:26:26,653 --> 00:26:28,821 OH, ROY, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO. 605 00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:33,660 I KNOW, BUT A LADY LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE ANYTHING SHE WANTS. 606 00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:37,797 Darlene: GETTIN' TO NEW MEXICO, I WAS SO EXCITED. 607 00:26:37,897 --> 00:26:39,999 [ SQUISH; BEEP, BEEP ] 608 00:26:40,099 --> 00:26:42,669 THE GRAND CANYON WAS JUST A DAY AWAY. 609 00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:44,737 Roy: HEY, YOU KNOW, WHAT I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO 610 00:26:44,837 --> 00:26:46,505 IS THAT ROBOSAURUS SMASHIN' THEM CARS. 611 00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:47,874 THAT IS GONNA BE SOMETHIN'. 612 00:26:47,974 --> 00:26:51,744 ROBO WHAT? WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT? 613 00:26:51,844 --> 00:26:54,714 THAT'S A 10-STORY MACHINE THAT SQUASHES THINGS -- 614 00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:56,716 BASICALLY A CAR DEALER'S NIGHTMARE. 615 00:26:56,816 --> 00:26:57,884 WHAT A THRILL. 616 00:26:57,984 --> 00:26:59,852 [ THUD, BOTTLES RATTLING ] 617 00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:01,888 ARMADILLO. 618 00:27:01,988 --> 00:27:04,991 YOU'D THINK THEM SON OF BITCHES WOULD LEARN TO STAY OUT OF THE ROAD, WOULDN'T YOU? 619 00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:05,892 DON'T YOU KNOW IT. 620 00:27:05,992 --> 00:27:08,560 YOU EVER SEE ONE ALIVE? [ LAUGHS ] 621 00:27:08,695 --> 00:27:10,529 WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED. 97.1 DEGREES. 622 00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:12,799 I THINK I'M OVULATIN'. 623 00:27:12,899 --> 00:27:14,901 97.1 IS WHAT THAT LIBRARY BOOK SAID TO LOOK FOR. 624 00:27:15,001 --> 00:27:15,902 WHOA. 625 00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:18,570 WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST THE HEAT. 626 00:27:18,705 --> 00:27:20,139 Darlene: 97.1, LONNIE EARL. 627 00:27:20,239 --> 00:27:22,709 THAT'S BELOW NORMAL TEMPERATURE. 628 00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,476 WELL, SHE'S PROBABLY SITTIN' TOO CLOSE TO THE WINDOW. 629 00:27:24,711 --> 00:27:25,945 MY WINDOW'S UP, 630 00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:27,947 AND ACCORDING TO THIS THERMOMETER, 631 00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:31,250 FARMER ROY NEEDS TO PLANT HIS SEED RIGHT NOW. 632 00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:32,952 COME ON, BABY. PULL OVER. 633 00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:35,421 CANDY, I -- NO, WE AIN'T STOPPIN' AT NO MOTEL. 634 00:27:35,521 --> 00:27:38,590 NOT RIGHT NOW. WE JUST GOT BACK ON SCHEDULE, AND I AIN'T GETTIN' OFF. 635 00:27:38,725 --> 00:27:40,960 HEY, WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A MOTEL? 636 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:45,932 [ CANDY MOANING PLEASURABLY, SUSPENSION SQUEAKING ] 637 00:27:46,032 --> 00:27:47,867 COURSE, YOU DO REALIZE THAT MY SCHEDULE'S GONE TO HELL. 638 00:27:47,967 --> 00:27:51,738 FREEZIN'-ASS COLD OUT HERE, AND -- AND WE'RE WAITIN' ON THE DAMN CARNIVAL -- 639 00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:54,974 WELL, HONEY, YOU'RE THE ONE WANTED TO GO ON VACATION IN JANUARY. 640 00:27:55,074 --> 00:27:56,809 YOU KNOW WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT JULY PRICES. 641 00:27:56,909 --> 00:27:59,812 I CAN'T PAY THAT KIND OF MONEY. 642 00:27:59,912 --> 00:28:00,813 [ SNIFFS ] 643 00:28:00,913 --> 00:28:02,481 [ BOTH MOANING PLEASURABLY ] 644 00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:04,483 Candy: OH...OH, BABY! 645 00:28:04,751 --> 00:28:06,052 [ WOMAN LAUGHING ] 646 00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:08,120 IT'S LIKE WE'RE TRAVELIN' 647 00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:11,590 WITH A DAMN HIGH-SCHOOL BIOLOGY EXPERIMENT OR SOMETHIN'. 648 00:28:11,758 --> 00:28:12,759 [ CANDY GROANS PLEASURABLY ] 649 00:28:12,792 --> 00:28:14,761 WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOIN' TO HER? 650 00:28:14,794 --> 00:28:16,228 SOMETHING PRETTY GOOD, I'D SAY. 651 00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:17,830 WELL, IT'S PISSIN' ME OFF. 652 00:28:17,930 --> 00:28:20,399 OKAY, THAT'S IT. I'M -- I'M GONNA PUT A STOP TO THIS SHIT. 653 00:28:20,499 --> 00:28:23,335 I DON'T CARE. GOOD LORD. YOU'RE MAKIN' A BIGGER SCENE THAN THEY ARE. 654 00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:25,371 [ LAUGHTER ] 655 00:28:25,471 --> 00:28:27,807 ALL RIGHT. [ KNOCKS ] OH. 656 00:28:27,907 --> 00:28:30,242 THAT'LL BE PLENTY. W-WHAT? 657 00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:31,978 COME ON. WE'RE LEAVIN'. 658 00:28:32,078 --> 00:28:33,813 [ APPLAUSE ] 659 00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:35,681 MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, SIR. 660 00:28:35,782 --> 00:28:37,784 THERE GOES THE NEW-CAR SMELL. 661 00:28:37,884 --> 00:28:40,386 Roy: YOU LOOK KINDA UPTIGHT, LONNIE EARL. 662 00:28:40,486 --> 00:28:41,854 YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE? 663 00:28:41,954 --> 00:28:43,622 HELL, NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DRIVE. 664 00:28:43,856 --> 00:28:44,891 I'M THE DRIVER. 665 00:28:44,991 --> 00:28:47,293 JUST GET US A COUPLE OF BEERS. I'LL BE FINE. 666 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:49,996 HEY, HON? HMM? 667 00:28:50,096 --> 00:28:52,965 CAN YOU GRAB US A COUPLE BEERS WITHOUT SPILLIN' ANY OF THEM TADPOLES? 668 00:28:53,065 --> 00:28:54,934 I SURE CAN, SUGAR KITTEN. 669 00:28:55,034 --> 00:28:57,269 [ BOTTLES RATTLING ] 670 00:28:57,369 --> 00:28:58,871 THANK YOU. 671 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:02,508 [ BOTTLES RATTLING ] 672 00:29:04,811 --> 00:29:08,580 I'M GLAD WE STOPPED HERE. 673 00:29:08,815 --> 00:29:09,949 YOU KNOW WHAT? 674 00:29:10,049 --> 00:29:11,818 THEY GOT A SIGN OVER THAT TOILET 675 00:29:11,884 --> 00:29:14,386 SAYS THEY GOT THE CLEANEST BATHROOMS ALONG ALL OF I-40. 676 00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:17,824 IF WE STAY IN KINGMAN TONIGHT, WE'LL BE BACK ON MY SCHEDULE. 677 00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:19,826 BUT WE WERE GONNA STOP AT THE GRAND CANYON TONIGHT 678 00:29:19,892 --> 00:29:21,828 AND GET UP AND LOOK AT IT TOMORROW. 679 00:29:21,894 --> 00:29:24,096 BUT WE CAN'T DO THAT NOW BECAUSE, SEE, OUR TRAVELIN' SEX SHOW HERE 680 00:29:24,196 --> 00:29:25,932 HAS PUT US BEHIND SCHEDULE. 681 00:29:26,032 --> 00:29:27,834 THEN WHY DID WE STOP HERE? 682 00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:29,701 BECAUSE WE HAD TO EAT, HONEY, 683 00:29:29,836 --> 00:29:31,670 AND THIS FITS IN, OKAY? 684 00:29:31,838 --> 00:29:34,841 BESIDES THAT, THE GRAND CANYON'S JUST A BIG OL' HOLE IN THE GROUND. 685 00:29:34,907 --> 00:29:38,010 YOU CAN LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND SEE A BIG HOLE IN THE GROUND. 686 00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,711 THAT AIN'T THE SAME. 687 00:29:39,846 --> 00:29:42,514 I THINK IT'D BE NICE TO SEE IT. 688 00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:46,853 YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T MIND RIDIN' ONE OF THEM JACKASSES DOWN IN THAT SUCKER. THAT'D...BE... 689 00:29:46,953 --> 00:29:48,988 DAMN IT, THAT'S THE ONE THING 690 00:29:49,088 --> 00:29:50,857 I WANTED TO DO ON THIS TRIP. 691 00:29:50,923 --> 00:29:53,860 I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO SEE IT SINCE SECOND GRADE 692 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,694 WHEN MRS. BEECHNER TOLD US ABOUT IT. 693 00:29:55,862 --> 00:29:58,164 SHE SAID EVERYONE THOUGHT GOD RESTED ON THE SEVENTH DAY, 694 00:29:58,264 --> 00:30:00,099 BUT REALLY HE WAS WORKIN' ON HIS HOBBY, 695 00:30:00,199 --> 00:30:01,667 CARVIN' THE GRAND CANYON. 696 00:30:01,868 --> 00:30:02,969 WELL, THAT'S SWEET, 697 00:30:03,069 --> 00:30:04,303 BUT, UM, IF YOU REMEMBER, 698 00:30:04,403 --> 00:30:07,106 MRS. BEECHNER ALSO KEPT HER SHIT IN A SHOEBOX. 699 00:30:07,206 --> 00:30:09,708 REMEMBER THAT? 700 00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:12,378 SO I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE GREATEST AUTHORITY IN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW? 701 00:30:12,478 --> 00:30:14,013 LET'S GO. 702 00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:19,518 [ BOTTLES RATTLING ] 703 00:30:22,588 --> 00:30:24,924 [ CRICKETS CHIRPING ] 704 00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:32,999 [ CANDY MOANING PLEASURABLY ] 705 00:30:33,099 --> 00:30:36,302 GOOD GOD. THAT GIRL'S GONNA WAKE THE DEAD IN THERE. 706 00:30:36,402 --> 00:30:38,037 [ MOANING CONTINUES ] 707 00:30:38,137 --> 00:30:41,307 IF THIS SHIT'S GONNA HAPPEN EVERY TIME SHE REACHES A CERTAIN TEMPERATURE, 708 00:30:41,407 --> 00:30:43,009 I'M GONNA GET MADDER THAN A WET HEN. 709 00:30:43,109 --> 00:30:45,912 WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH? IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE. 710 00:30:46,012 --> 00:30:48,180 IT'S JUST THAT THEY TAKE SO DAMN LONG. 711 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,316 AND THEY DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT US. 712 00:30:50,416 --> 00:30:52,351 THE LEAST HE COULD DO IS TIGER-FUCK HER. 713 00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:54,820 YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE THAT TALK. 714 00:30:54,921 --> 00:30:58,090 JUST GET UP BEHIND HER AND BITE HER ON THE NECK, IN AND OUT, AND IT'S DONE. 715 00:30:58,190 --> 00:31:00,960 SHIT. HOW ROMANTIC. 716 00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:04,230 WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT ROMANCE? 717 00:31:10,636 --> 00:31:13,973 I'M SORRY, HONEY. I-I'M JUST... 718 00:31:14,073 --> 00:31:17,109 WELL, LOOK, FACE IT -- WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE DID IT? 719 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:20,246 THAT'S NOT ROMANCE. 720 00:31:22,248 --> 00:31:23,983 IF THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT, 721 00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:27,954 THEN JUST GO AHEAD AND DO IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 722 00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:35,794 IS THIS ABOUT THE GRAND CANYON? 723 00:31:35,962 --> 00:31:38,965 NO, IT'S NOT. GOOD GRIEF. 724 00:31:39,031 --> 00:31:41,833 WELL, THEN WHAT'S IT ABOUT? 725 00:31:42,034 --> 00:31:43,502 WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO ME? 726 00:31:43,602 --> 00:31:46,405 I'M YOUR HUSBAND. YOU CAN TALK TO ME. 727 00:31:51,777 --> 00:31:56,882 HONEY, LISTEN, THIS IS HARD ON ME, TOO. 728 00:31:56,983 --> 00:31:59,485 HONEY, FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, 729 00:31:59,585 --> 00:32:01,988 EVERY TIME I TRY SOMETHING WITH YOU, 730 00:32:02,021 --> 00:32:05,891 YOU GOT SOME DAMN EXCUSE. 731 00:32:05,992 --> 00:32:09,395 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS. 732 00:32:09,495 --> 00:32:13,032 AND BESIDES THAT, I'M ABOUT TO EXPLODE. 733 00:32:13,132 --> 00:32:15,534 I AM. 734 00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:22,308 TELL THE TRUTH -- IS IT ME? 735 00:32:26,412 --> 00:32:30,282 NO. IT'S ME. 736 00:32:34,020 --> 00:32:36,788 WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THAT? 737 00:32:37,023 --> 00:32:38,624 WELL, I SAID -- 738 00:32:38,724 --> 00:32:41,193 MAYBE WE COULD SEE THAT WOMAN IN LITTLE ROCK. 739 00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:43,462 I AIN'T GOIN' TO NO SHRINK-BITCH DR. RUTH WOMAN 740 00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:44,930 THAT'S GONNA MAKE US SIT THERE 741 00:32:45,031 --> 00:32:47,533 AND CHARGE ME AN ARM AND A LEG AND A NUT TO SAY THE SHIT 742 00:32:47,633 --> 00:32:49,701 THAT WE CAN SAY TO EACH OTHER RIGHT HERE AND NOW. 743 00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,638 BUT SHE MIGHT NOT LET YOU SAY SOMETHIN' LIKE YOU JUST SAID. 744 00:32:52,738 --> 00:32:55,707 WHAT DID I SAY? 745 00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:57,543 WELL, IF YOU CAN'T HEAR YOURSELF, 746 00:32:57,643 --> 00:33:00,446 THEN HOW ARE YOU GONNA HEAR ME, HUH? 747 00:33:12,258 --> 00:33:14,693 THIS DANG BED SAGS IN THE MIDDLE. 748 00:33:14,793 --> 00:33:17,196 WE'RE ALL GONNA BE WINDIN' UP LAYIN' IN A PUDDLE. 749 00:33:17,296 --> 00:33:20,766 IT SURE AS HELL AIN'T NO SERTA PERFECT SLEEPER. 750 00:33:20,866 --> 00:33:24,703 WOULD Y'ALL QUIT BITCHIN'? THE BED'S FINE. 751 00:33:24,803 --> 00:33:26,905 GOOD NIGHT, JOHN BOY. 752 00:33:27,139 --> 00:33:27,873 KISS MY ASS. 753 00:33:28,107 --> 00:33:29,308 [ LAUGHTER ] 754 00:33:29,408 --> 00:33:30,909 [ FARTS ] 755 00:33:31,143 --> 00:33:32,078 OH, MY GOD. 756 00:33:32,111 --> 00:33:34,080 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S AWFUL! 757 00:33:34,113 --> 00:33:38,717 [ Laughing ] OH, ROY! THAT'S DISGUSTING! 758 00:33:38,817 --> 00:33:40,519 [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ] 759 00:33:40,619 --> 00:33:42,354 SMELL IT AND WEEP! 760 00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,823 [ LAUGHTER ] 761 00:33:44,923 --> 00:33:48,160 [ INTRODUCTION TO "HANG ON SLOOPY" PLAYS ] 762 00:33:51,297 --> 00:33:54,333 * HEY, NOW, SLOOPY 763 00:33:54,433 --> 00:33:56,435 * SLOOPY HANG ON 764 00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:04,776 * SLOOPY LIVES IN A VERY BAD PART OF TOWN * 765 00:34:04,876 --> 00:34:06,845 * BAD PART OF TOWN... 766 00:34:07,113 --> 00:34:10,516 [ "HIGHER GROUND" PLAYS ] 767 00:34:10,616 --> 00:34:11,117 * PEOPLE... 768 00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:11,317 * PEOPLE... 769 00:34:13,552 --> 00:34:15,487 * KEEP ON TURNIN' * KEEP ON...TURNIN' 770 00:34:15,587 --> 00:34:18,224 "TURNIN'"? OR IS IT "YEARNIN'"? 771 00:34:18,324 --> 00:34:19,658 * TEACHERS... TEACHERS. 772 00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:21,793 TEACHERS. 773 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:22,961 * KEEP ON TEACHIN' * KEEP ON TEACHIN' 774 00:34:23,162 --> 00:34:25,731 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH! 775 00:34:25,831 --> 00:34:27,233 * LOVERS... 776 00:34:27,333 --> 00:34:28,767 KEEP ON LOVIN'! [ SLOT MACHINE CLANGS ] 777 00:34:28,867 --> 00:34:30,769 * KEEP ON LOVIN' 778 00:34:30,869 --> 00:34:31,737 YEAH. ALL RIGHT. 779 00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:33,605 NOW, THAT'S SONGWRITING. 780 00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:34,973 * BELIEVERS... 781 00:34:35,174 --> 00:34:36,242 KEEP ON BELIEVIN'. 782 00:34:36,342 --> 00:34:37,743 * KEEP ON BELIEVIN' 783 00:34:37,843 --> 00:34:39,578 WHOO! 784 00:34:39,678 --> 00:34:41,213 [ LAUGHTER ] 785 00:34:41,313 --> 00:34:42,381 * SLEEPERS... 786 00:34:42,481 --> 00:34:44,049 KEEP ON SLEEPIN'. 787 00:34:44,150 --> 00:34:45,217 * JUST STOP SLEEPIN', YEAH 788 00:34:45,317 --> 00:34:47,619 OH! [ LAUGHS ] 789 00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:49,621 * 'CAUSE IT WON'T BE TOO LONG 790 00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:51,990 Roy: IT WON'T BE? Lonnie Earl: IT WON'T BE TOO LONG. 791 00:34:52,158 --> 00:34:56,228 Candy: * WON'T BE... * OH, NO 792 00:34:56,328 --> 00:34:59,798 * I'M SO GLAD THAT HE LET ME TRY IT AGAIN * 793 00:34:59,898 --> 00:35:04,570 * 'CAUSE MY LAST TIME ON EARTH I LIVED A WHOLE WORLD OF SIN * 794 00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:07,273 * I'M SO GLAD THAT I KNOW MORE THAN I KNEW THEN * 795 00:35:07,373 --> 00:35:10,209 * GONNA KEEP ON TRYIN' 796 00:35:10,309 --> 00:35:13,279 * TILL I REACH MY HIGHEST GROUND * 797 00:35:15,847 --> 00:35:17,082 * WHOO 798 00:35:17,183 --> 00:35:20,819 * TILL I REACH MY HIGHEST GROUND * 799 00:35:23,189 --> 00:35:25,056 * OH, NO * 800 00:35:25,191 --> 00:35:29,761 * NO ONE'S GONNA BRING ME DOWN * 801 00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:32,298 * OH, NO 802 00:35:32,398 --> 00:35:36,735 * TILL I REACH MY HIGHEST GROUND * 803 00:35:39,205 --> 00:35:40,339 OH, MY GOD. 804 00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:45,076 TONY ORLANDO'S HERE! 805 00:35:45,277 --> 00:35:46,478 [ LONNIE EARL SIGHS ] 806 00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:49,114 OH, TONY ORLANDO'S HERE! WE GOTTA GO TO SEE HIM! 807 00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,883 WHOA. DO YOU RECKON HE SPLIT UP WITH DAWN? 808 00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,952 WELL, HON, WE'LL HAVE TO SEE IF WE GOT TIME. 809 00:35:54,220 --> 00:35:55,221 I MEAN, YOU KNOW... 810 00:35:55,287 --> 00:35:56,522 WE GOTTA MAKE TIME. 811 00:35:56,622 --> 00:35:57,689 I SAID WE'D SEE. 812 00:35:59,024 --> 00:36:02,728 I NEVER STAYED OVERNIGHT IN A CITY THIS BIG BEFORE. 813 00:36:04,363 --> 00:36:06,865 I'D SURE HATE TO GET LOST HERE. 814 00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:09,335 NOW, DON'T GET ALL NERVED UP, HONEY. 815 00:36:09,435 --> 00:36:11,670 WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME. 816 00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:14,340 IT'S JUST LIKE BACK HOME. THERE'S JUST A LOT MORE OF IT. 817 00:36:34,260 --> 00:36:36,695 [ GASPS ] I'LL BE DOGGED. 818 00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:38,029 THIS IS THE SHAMROCK SUITE. 819 00:36:38,264 --> 00:36:39,331 SEE THAT? 820 00:36:39,431 --> 00:36:41,032 WHOA. 821 00:36:41,267 --> 00:36:42,768 OH, HONEY! 822 00:36:42,868 --> 00:36:45,904 I KNEW THIS WOULD BE THE PERFECT PLACE TO GET REMARRIED! 823 00:36:46,004 --> 00:36:47,273 ROY, I KNEW IT, BABY! 824 00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:49,641 Roy: I'LL CARRY YOU OVER THE THRESHOLD, BABY. 825 00:36:49,741 --> 00:36:51,377 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 826 00:36:51,477 --> 00:36:54,280 BOTH BEDROOMS HAVE THEIR OWN PRIVATE ENTRANCE. 827 00:36:54,346 --> 00:36:57,449 LOOK AT THAT TUB! THAT'S LIKE A SWIMMIN' POOL! 828 00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,351 OH, MY GOD! 829 00:36:59,451 --> 00:37:01,387 OH, ROY, IT'S LIKE WE'RE HERE, BABY! 830 00:37:01,487 --> 00:37:02,821 WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE! 831 00:37:02,921 --> 00:37:06,825 MMM. THIS IS ROMANTIC. LOOK AT THAT. 832 00:37:06,925 --> 00:37:09,761 THIS DOOR LEADS TO THE ADJOINING BEDROOM. 833 00:37:09,861 --> 00:37:12,764 OH, MY GOD! WE'RE NEIGHBORS! 834 00:37:12,864 --> 00:37:15,701 OH, CANDY, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS VIEW. 835 00:37:15,801 --> 00:37:17,369 OH, WOW! 836 00:37:17,469 --> 00:37:19,438 WE HAVE THE SAME OVER THERE! 837 00:37:19,538 --> 00:37:20,439 OKAY! 838 00:37:20,539 --> 00:37:21,607 TAKE A PICTURE OF ME. 839 00:37:21,707 --> 00:37:23,475 LAY LIKE A SUPERMODEL, OKAY? 840 00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:25,311 I DON'T LOOK LIKE CINDY CRAWFORD. [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] 841 00:37:25,411 --> 00:37:26,645 I COULD TAKE SOME PICTURES. 842 00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:27,946 THAT'S OKAY. 843 00:37:28,046 --> 00:37:29,481 GIVE ME SOME POUTY LIPS. HEY, Y'ALL. 844 00:37:29,581 --> 00:37:31,149 Y'ALL, CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT. 845 00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:32,851 HUGH HEFNER, INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOY. 846 00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:33,919 [ LAUGHTER ] 847 00:37:34,019 --> 00:37:35,954 SHOW ME YOUR TA-TAS IN CLOTH OF TERRY. 848 00:37:36,054 --> 00:37:37,689 HEY, DO WE GET TO KEEP THESE THINGS? 849 00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,858 I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY. 850 00:37:39,958 --> 00:37:41,159 WHOA! ALL RIGHT! 851 00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:42,494 [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 852 00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:44,930 LONNIE EARL... THANK YOU, MAN. 853 00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:46,498 OH, MY GOD! IT'S SHANIA TWAIN! 854 00:37:46,598 --> 00:37:47,899 HOW COOL IS THAT? 855 00:37:47,999 --> 00:37:49,935 SHE'S SO GODDAMN HOT! 856 00:37:50,035 --> 00:37:53,905 * ...MINE, ANY MAN OF MINE * 857 00:37:54,005 --> 00:37:56,342 WHOO! * WHOO! 858 00:37:56,408 --> 00:37:58,243 GODDAMN CHAMPAGNE. 859 00:37:58,344 --> 00:38:01,347 * ANY MAN OF MINE BETTER DISAGREE * 860 00:38:01,380 --> 00:38:04,483 * WHEN I SAY ANOTHER WOMAN'S LOOKIN' BETTER THAN ME * 861 00:38:04,583 --> 00:38:05,784 WHOA. 862 00:38:05,884 --> 00:38:07,886 HEY, Y'ALL. THEY GOT 24-HOUR ROOM SERVICE. 863 00:38:07,986 --> 00:38:10,422 YOU MEAN YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT ANYTIME YOU WANT? 864 00:38:10,522 --> 00:38:12,791 Bellhop: YES, SIR. ANYTIME YOU WANT. JUST DIAL 49. 865 00:38:12,891 --> 00:38:14,460 DARLENE, WHO AM I? 866 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,562 * I NEED A MAN WHO KNOWS... 867 00:38:16,662 --> 00:38:19,731 I GUESS YOU, UH, WON'T NEED ANY PABST. 868 00:38:19,831 --> 00:38:22,668 NO. THAT'LL LAST ME ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF. 869 00:38:22,768 --> 00:38:27,506 * ...BREATHTAKIN', EARTHQUAKIN' KIND * 870 00:38:27,606 --> 00:38:29,875 HERE'S YOUR CURTAIN REMOTE AND YOUR KEY. 871 00:38:29,975 --> 00:38:31,443 ALL RIGHTY. THANK YOU. 872 00:38:31,543 --> 00:38:32,478 ALL RIGHT. 873 00:38:32,578 --> 00:38:34,946 IF THERE'S NOTHING ELSE, I'LL BE GOING. 874 00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:38,750 OF COURSE, THE, UH, CHOCOLATES ARE FREE. 875 00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:40,486 CHING, CHING. [ LAUGHS ] 876 00:38:40,586 --> 00:38:41,887 I'M GONNA GO, THEN. OKAY. 877 00:38:41,987 --> 00:38:44,790 LISTEN, WHILE I GOT YOU HERE, I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION. 878 00:38:44,890 --> 00:38:48,059 UH, I UNDERSTAND THAT THE HOOKERS IN NEVADA ARE FREE. IS THAT RIGHT? 879 00:38:48,394 --> 00:38:49,595 LEGAL. 880 00:38:49,695 --> 00:38:51,697 NOT FREE? NO. 881 00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:53,865 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 882 00:38:53,965 --> 00:38:56,468 LIKE I SAID, I'M ON MY WAY OUT. 883 00:38:56,568 --> 00:38:59,237 GOT THE LUGGAGE, RIGHT? UNPACKED IT. 884 00:38:59,405 --> 00:39:01,072 GOT THE EXPLANATION OF THE MENU. 885 00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:03,942 THAT'S IT. OKAY. I'M GONNA GO. 886 00:39:04,042 --> 00:39:05,777 I'LL BE AT THE BELL CAPTAIN'S STATION 887 00:39:05,877 --> 00:39:07,413 IF YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE. 888 00:39:07,513 --> 00:39:10,782 OH, OKAY. I GET YA. YOU WANT YOUR DOLLAR. 889 00:39:10,882 --> 00:39:11,783 HERE. 890 00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,151 HERE YOU GO. 891 00:39:13,419 --> 00:39:15,020 WOW. OKAY. 892 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:16,287 Candy: WHOO! 893 00:39:16,488 --> 00:39:17,823 STRAIGHT TO THE CASINO. 894 00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:19,758 SHAKE IT, DARLENE! UNLESS YOU WANTED CHANGE. 895 00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:21,560 * SHIMMY, SHAKE 896 00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:23,094 * MAKE THE EARTH QUAKE 897 00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:25,564 * KICK, TURN, STOMP, STOMP 898 00:39:25,664 --> 00:39:27,433 * AND THEN YOU JUMP! 899 00:39:27,533 --> 00:39:28,767 [ MEN GRUNTING ] 900 00:39:28,867 --> 00:39:31,269 IF I GET TO GO TO TONY ORLANDO, 901 00:39:31,437 --> 00:39:32,938 SHOULD I WEAR MY HAIR UP OR DOWN? 902 00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:35,874 HMM. LET ME SEE. 903 00:39:35,974 --> 00:39:37,308 [ THUD, TELEPHONE RATTLES ] 904 00:39:37,443 --> 00:39:38,810 YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT? 905 00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:40,812 YOU KNOW, WHAT I THINK WOULD BE GREAT 906 00:39:40,912 --> 00:39:44,015 IS IF YOU PUT IT LIKE THIS. YEAH. 907 00:39:44,115 --> 00:39:45,784 GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH. 908 00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:46,952 JESUS H. CHRIST. 909 00:39:47,052 --> 00:39:48,454 [ MEN GRUNTING ] 910 00:39:48,554 --> 00:39:50,989 WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND TONY ORLANDO, ANYWAY? 911 00:39:51,089 --> 00:39:53,825 OH, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL. 912 00:39:53,925 --> 00:39:54,793 [ GLASS BREAKING ] 913 00:39:54,893 --> 00:39:56,795 YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS IN FIFTH GRADE, 914 00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,597 I CAUGHT JEFF MARTIN CHEATIN' ON ME, 915 00:39:58,697 --> 00:40:00,331 AND MY MAMA KNEW I WAS DEPRESSED, 916 00:40:00,466 --> 00:40:03,001 SO SHE LET ME SPEND THE NIGHT AT DEANNA STEWART'S HOUSE 917 00:40:03,101 --> 00:40:05,136 TO WATCH THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON. 918 00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:08,874 ANYWAY, THEY WERE UP TO ABOUT $8 MILLION IN DONATIONS 919 00:40:08,974 --> 00:40:12,811 WHEN OUT WALKED THIS DARK, HANDSOME MAN WITH A MUSTACHE 920 00:40:12,911 --> 00:40:16,848 AND A SMILE THAT COULD LIGHT UP ALL OF BRANSON. 921 00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:19,818 AND I -- I JUST KNEW HE WAS SOMETHIN' SPECIAL. 922 00:40:19,918 --> 00:40:21,319 [ MEN GRUNTING ] 923 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,888 Lonnie Earl: OW! SHIT! 924 00:40:22,988 --> 00:40:25,824 I HAD SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR CHUCK WOOLERY ONE TIME. 925 00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:30,028 ANYWAY, WHEN HE SANG... [ GRUNTING CONTINUES ] 926 00:40:30,128 --> 00:40:32,998 Both: * KNOCK THREE TIMES ON THE CEILING * 927 00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:35,333 * IF YOU WANT ME 928 00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:39,037 IT WAS LIKE HE WAS SINGIN' IT RIGHT TO ME, 929 00:40:39,137 --> 00:40:43,475 LIKE HE KNEW...I NEEDED TO HEAR IT RIGHT THEN. 930 00:40:43,575 --> 00:40:44,876 [ RUMBLING, GRUNTING CONTINUE ] 931 00:40:44,976 --> 00:40:47,913 AND HE'S HAD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART EVER SINCE. 932 00:40:48,013 --> 00:40:51,082 OH... THAT'S SO SWEET. 933 00:40:51,182 --> 00:40:52,951 [ CHUCKLES ] 934 00:40:53,051 --> 00:40:54,052 [ THUD ] 935 00:40:54,152 --> 00:40:55,854 Lonnie Earl: OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH. 936 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,489 YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK WE NEED? 937 00:40:57,589 --> 00:40:59,825 WHAT? SOME SERIOUS PINK LIPS. 938 00:40:59,925 --> 00:41:01,827 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 939 00:41:01,927 --> 00:41:03,529 I'M GONNA GO AND GET MY PINK LIPSTICK, OKAY? 940 00:41:03,629 --> 00:41:05,230 [ GLASS BREAKING ] [ GASPS ] 941 00:41:05,531 --> 00:41:07,533 YOU OKAY? 942 00:41:09,601 --> 00:41:13,371 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] Y-YEAH, I THINK I'M FINE. 943 00:41:13,539 --> 00:41:15,641 I-I JUST...I GOT UP TOO QUICK, MAYBE. 944 00:41:15,741 --> 00:41:17,576 WELL, I'LL GET IT. 945 00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:22,548 YOU SURE YOU'RE FEELIN' OKAY, HON? 946 00:41:22,648 --> 00:41:25,283 'CAUSE YOU ARE LOOKIN' A LITTLE PEAKIN'. 947 00:41:25,551 --> 00:41:26,785 I'M GONNA BE FINE. 948 00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:29,020 I'M JUST GONNA SIT IN HERE FOR A LITTLE BIT. 949 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:30,288 [ WATER SPLASHING ] 950 00:41:30,556 --> 00:41:31,890 CAN I DO SOMETHIN'? 951 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,792 NO. I PROBABLY JUST DRANK TOO MUCH. 952 00:41:33,892 --> 00:41:36,227 YOU GO ON DOWN. I'LL MEET UP WITH YOU LATER. 953 00:41:36,562 --> 00:41:37,829 WELL... 954 00:41:37,929 --> 00:41:39,898 HEY, LET'S SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT, GUYS. 955 00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:41,366 I THOUGHT WE WAS GOIN' DOWNSTAIRS. 956 00:41:41,567 --> 00:41:42,834 WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE? 957 00:41:42,934 --> 00:41:45,036 Y'ALL GO ON. WE'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER. 958 00:41:45,136 --> 00:41:46,838 YOU KNOW WHAT WE OUGHT TO DO, BABY? 959 00:41:46,938 --> 00:41:50,576 AFTER WHILE, YOU AND ME TAKE ONE OF THEM BUBBLE BATHS. WHAT DO YOU SAY? 960 00:41:50,642 --> 00:41:52,443 WELL, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT. 961 00:41:52,644 --> 00:41:55,213 I DON'T TAKE BUBBLE BATHS. 962 00:41:55,313 --> 00:41:58,884 OF COURSE YOU DON'T. I FORGOT. 963 00:41:58,984 --> 00:42:02,287 WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT TUB IS BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US. 964 00:42:02,588 --> 00:42:03,622 OH, GREAT, ROY. 965 00:42:03,722 --> 00:42:07,225 JUST JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON, YOU DUMB-ASS. 966 00:42:07,325 --> 00:42:11,697 [ LAUGHS ] YEAH, I AM DUMB. 967 00:42:11,797 --> 00:42:15,767 YOU GUYS DEFINITELY MAKE ME CLEAR OF THAT ON A DAILY BASIS. 968 00:42:15,867 --> 00:42:17,636 DUMB, DUMB-ASS, DUMB SHIT, 969 00:42:17,736 --> 00:42:20,105 DIPSHIT, SHITHEAD, SHIT HOLE, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS... 970 00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:21,873 DILDO. DILDO. 971 00:42:21,973 --> 00:42:24,876 YOU KNOW, WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO HAVE A... 972 00:42:24,976 --> 00:42:27,045 A "LET'S NOT PICK ON ROY" DAY? 973 00:42:28,947 --> 00:42:31,149 [ SIGHS ] 974 00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:33,819 LET'S GO DOWNSTAIRS. 975 00:42:33,919 --> 00:42:37,388 OKAY. I'M -- I'M SORRY. 976 00:42:37,623 --> 00:42:39,991 [ SIGHS ] 977 00:42:40,091 --> 00:42:41,860 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 978 00:42:46,998 --> 00:42:48,800 DARLENE? MM-HMM? 979 00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:51,637 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T TAKE BUBBLE BATHS? 980 00:42:51,703 --> 00:42:53,171 GIVES MY POOTER AN INFECTION 981 00:42:53,271 --> 00:42:55,473 THAT STINGS WORSE THAN A SWARM OF BEES. 982 00:42:55,707 --> 00:42:57,776 [ LAUGHS ] 983 00:42:57,876 --> 00:42:59,044 [ SIGHS ] 984 00:42:59,144 --> 00:43:01,813 HONEY, I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY. I KNOW SOMETHING'S WRONG. 985 00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:03,715 AND YOU CAN TALK TO ME. YOU KNOW THAT. 986 00:43:03,815 --> 00:43:05,183 NOW, DON'T START THAT AGAIN. 987 00:43:05,283 --> 00:43:07,853 DARLENE, I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND. I KNOW. 988 00:43:07,953 --> 00:43:08,920 JUST DROP IT. 989 00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:13,358 I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL, HON, BUT JUST...STOP. 990 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:16,728 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 991 00:43:18,664 --> 00:43:20,365 OKAY. 992 00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:26,004 [ "SUSSUDIO" PLAYS ] 993 00:43:26,104 --> 00:43:28,940 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 994 00:43:33,979 --> 00:43:35,714 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS. 995 00:43:35,814 --> 00:43:38,984 THESE THINGS LOOK A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH LIKE A SINUS INFECTION. 996 00:43:40,819 --> 00:43:43,722 I -- I TELL YOU WHAT. 997 00:43:43,822 --> 00:43:47,859 THEY SAY THEY ARE ONE HELL OF AN APHRODILIAC. 998 00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:50,528 [ LAUGHS ] 999 00:43:50,696 --> 00:43:53,031 [ Spanish accent ] APHRODISIAC. 1000 00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:56,968 OH, Y-- [Laughing] OH, DEAR. 1001 00:43:57,068 --> 00:43:59,570 [ LAUGHS ] THANK YOU, MA'AM. 1002 00:43:59,705 --> 00:44:02,240 ACTUALLY, THEY'RE, UH, MOTHER NATURE'S VIAGRA. 1003 00:44:02,340 --> 00:44:04,910 [ LAUGHS ] 1004 00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:07,312 ROY, DON'T BE SUCH A DAMN IDGIT, OKAY? 1005 00:44:07,412 --> 00:44:08,980 YOU MADE US LOOK STUPID. 1006 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:10,782 EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT THAT WORD IS. 1007 00:44:10,882 --> 00:44:13,985 * OH, IF SHE CALLED ME 1008 00:44:14,085 --> 00:44:15,921 * I'D BE THERE 1009 00:44:16,021 --> 00:44:17,923 * I'D COME RUNNIN' 1010 00:44:18,023 --> 00:44:18,990 AIN'T BAD. 1011 00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:21,559 HEY, BUD, UH, CAN WE GET A COUPLE OF PABSTS? 1012 00:44:21,793 --> 00:44:22,861 MM-HMM. 1013 00:44:22,961 --> 00:44:24,562 SLIPPERY. 1014 00:44:24,730 --> 00:44:26,865 * ...FEEL SO GOOD IF I JUST SAY THE WORD * 1015 00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:28,800 AND BRING HIM A SHOT, TOO, WOULD YOU? 1016 00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:30,135 SOME KIND OF WHISKEY. 1017 00:44:30,235 --> 00:44:31,970 WELL, YOU NEED YOU A SHOT. 1018 00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:34,305 I HAD 140 BEERS. [ CHUCKLES ] 1019 00:44:34,405 --> 00:44:39,244 BUT... I DO HAVE TOO MUCH BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL CONTENT. 1020 00:44:39,344 --> 00:44:40,979 SEE THERE? 1021 00:44:41,079 --> 00:44:42,948 JUST TRYIN' TO HELP YOU CUT THE -- 1022 00:44:43,048 --> 00:44:44,983 WHATEVER THOSE THINGS ARE. 1023 00:44:45,083 --> 00:44:47,986 [ SIGHS ] 1024 00:44:48,086 --> 00:44:50,321 GOD KNOWS I DON'T NEED ANY OF 'EM. 1025 00:44:50,421 --> 00:44:52,858 * SU-SUSSUDIO 1026 00:44:52,958 --> 00:44:54,492 OH, YOU MEAN YOU AND DAR? 1027 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:55,827 * OH, OH, OH * 1028 00:44:55,927 --> 00:44:58,864 I THINK IT'S JUST A PHASE YOU GUYS ARE GOING THROUGH. 1029 00:44:58,964 --> 00:45:01,199 OH, IT'S MORE THAN A PHASE. IT'S WAY PAST A PHASE. 1030 00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:03,601 IT'S A LOT MORE SERIOUS THAN YOU MIGHT THINK. 1031 00:45:03,769 --> 00:45:06,304 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNA BE TOGETHER. 1032 00:45:06,404 --> 00:45:08,006 Y-YOU'VE ALWAYS WORKED IT OUT. 1033 00:45:08,106 --> 00:45:09,775 YOU WILL NOW. 1034 00:45:09,841 --> 00:45:13,244 WELL, I'VE GIVEN THAT A LOT OF THOUGHT LATELY, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. 1035 00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:15,847 I MEAN, NOT THAT THAT'S WHAT I WANT, YOU KNOW? 1036 00:45:15,947 --> 00:45:18,683 BUT SHE JUST DON'T GET IT. I DON'T KNOW. 1037 00:45:18,784 --> 00:45:21,319 A MAN'S GOT NEEDS, YOU KNOW? 1038 00:45:21,419 --> 00:45:22,954 WELL, EVERYBODY'S GOT NEEDS. 1039 00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,622 WELL, YOU KNOW, DON'T BE GOIN' OUT 1040 00:45:24,790 --> 00:45:26,858 THINKIN' ABOUT GETTIN' NO NOOKY ON THE SIDE. 1041 00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:27,993 [ LAUGHS ] 1042 00:45:28,093 --> 00:45:30,161 WELL, WHO SAID I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT THAT? 1043 00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:31,830 DARLENE'S A GREAT LADY, YOU KNOW? 1044 00:45:31,930 --> 00:45:33,531 YOU DON'T NEED TO BE DOIN' THAT. 1045 00:45:33,799 --> 00:45:36,134 I WOULDN'T EVER DO THAT. 1046 00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:37,803 I JUST GOT A TINGLE. 1047 00:45:37,903 --> 00:45:40,371 I'M GONNA GO GET ME SOME MORE OF THESE SUCKERS. 1048 00:45:40,471 --> 00:45:43,875 I'M HAVIN' A HARD TIME KEEPIN' UP WITH CANDY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 1049 00:45:43,975 --> 00:45:44,876 I'LL BE BACK. 1050 00:45:44,976 --> 00:45:46,444 [ HORN HONKS ] 1051 00:45:46,544 --> 00:45:48,814 OH, LOOK! IT'S ONE OF THEM THEME WEDDINGS! 1052 00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:50,849 OH, AIN'T THAT SWEET, DARLENE? 1053 00:45:50,949 --> 00:45:51,850 [ HORN HONKS ] 1054 00:45:51,950 --> 00:45:53,852 THAT'S IT! 1055 00:45:53,952 --> 00:45:56,521 THAT'S WHAT ROY AND I NEED. 1056 00:45:56,822 --> 00:45:57,522 WHAT? 1057 00:45:57,823 --> 00:45:59,190 A THEME WEDDING. 1058 00:45:59,290 --> 00:46:00,859 I'D BE DOROTHY. 1059 00:46:00,959 --> 00:46:03,862 AND -- AND -- AND -- AND HE COULD BE THAT TIN GUY. 1060 00:46:03,962 --> 00:46:05,730 AND -- AND -- 1061 00:46:05,831 --> 00:46:09,467 AND WE COULD HAVE... MIDGETS FOR BRIDESMAIDS. 1062 00:46:09,567 --> 00:46:11,970 WELL, WHY WOULD YOU DRESS UP LIKE THAT FOR A WEDDING? 1063 00:46:12,070 --> 00:46:14,940 'CAUSE IT'S ROMANTIC. 1064 00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:18,676 [ REGISTER BEEPING ] 1065 00:46:18,844 --> 00:46:21,880 [ "DREAM ON DREAMER" PLAYS ] 1066 00:46:21,980 --> 00:46:23,949 WELL, LET'S SEE. 1067 00:46:24,049 --> 00:46:25,750 * AND NIGHT... 1068 00:46:25,851 --> 00:46:30,755 * UP IN THE CLOUDS FLYING SO HIGH * 1069 00:46:30,856 --> 00:46:35,093 * YOU TRY YOUR BEST TO STRETCH YOUR MIND * 1070 00:46:35,193 --> 00:46:36,895 COME DOWN HERE, DIDN'T I? 1071 00:46:36,995 --> 00:46:38,363 HUH? 1072 00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:40,365 [ Laughing ] I SAID I COME DOWN HERE, DIDN'T I? 1073 00:46:40,465 --> 00:46:43,434 YES, YOU DID. YEAH. 1074 00:46:43,534 --> 00:46:46,972 NOW...YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TWIST MY ARM, 1075 00:46:47,072 --> 00:46:50,341 BUT...I'LL GO UP TO YOUR ROOM WITH YOU. 1076 00:46:50,441 --> 00:46:52,343 * HATE TO PUT YOUR TWO FEET... * 1077 00:46:52,443 --> 00:46:54,312 I DON'T THINK YOU COULD HANDLE ME. 1078 00:46:54,412 --> 00:46:56,314 OH, HONEY, I COULD HANDLE IT. 1079 00:46:56,414 --> 00:46:57,883 THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. 1080 00:46:57,983 --> 00:46:59,484 WELL... 1081 00:46:59,584 --> 00:47:01,887 I DON'T THINK YOU COULD AFFORD IT. 1082 00:47:01,987 --> 00:47:03,488 WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? 1083 00:47:03,588 --> 00:47:07,492 IT MEANS I SEE YOUR TYPE COME THROUGH HERE ALL THE TIME -- 1084 00:47:07,592 --> 00:47:09,660 ALL BLOW AND NO DOUGH. 1085 00:47:09,895 --> 00:47:11,296 IS THAT A FACT? 1086 00:47:11,396 --> 00:47:13,398 * DREAM ON, DREAMER 1087 00:47:13,498 --> 00:47:15,266 LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHIN', HONEY. 1088 00:47:15,366 --> 00:47:17,903 * IF YOU LIVE TO LEARN YOU'LL BE LUCKY ONE DAY * 1089 00:47:17,969 --> 00:47:18,904 SEE THAT? 1090 00:47:18,970 --> 00:47:20,906 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BABY? 1091 00:47:20,972 --> 00:47:23,474 A SHOE. 1092 00:47:23,574 --> 00:47:25,911 [ Laughing ] WELL, HELL YEAH, IT IS. 1093 00:47:25,977 --> 00:47:28,446 IT'S ALSO TWO MONTHS' RENT. 1094 00:47:28,546 --> 00:47:30,982 * OVER AND OVER 1095 00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:32,217 WELL... 1096 00:47:36,054 --> 00:47:38,990 YOU SEE THERE? 1097 00:47:42,928 --> 00:47:45,730 RENT MUST BE VERY CHEAP. 1098 00:47:45,931 --> 00:47:48,967 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1099 00:47:52,470 --> 00:47:55,840 NOW, THAT WAS A REALLY SHITTY THING TO SAY TO SOMEBODY. 1100 00:47:55,941 --> 00:47:59,277 * THE OLD GRAY MARE JUST AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE * 1101 00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:00,946 * AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE * 1102 00:48:01,012 --> 00:48:02,480 [ Laughing ] * AIN'T WHAT SHE -- 1103 00:48:02,580 --> 00:48:04,049 Man: OKAY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK. 1104 00:48:04,149 --> 00:48:06,451 [ "NO PARKING (ON THE DANCE FLOOR)" PLAYS ] 1105 00:48:06,551 --> 00:48:08,253 SHE CAN KISS MY ASS. 1106 00:48:08,353 --> 00:48:09,988 [ LAUGHS ] 1107 00:48:10,088 --> 00:48:14,092 COME OVER HERE AND JUST TAKE OVER THE DAMN COUNTRY. 1108 00:48:14,192 --> 00:48:15,260 WHY NOT? 1109 00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:16,794 [ LAUGHS ] 1110 00:48:16,962 --> 00:48:18,496 [ CLEARS THROAT ] WELL, FUCK HER. 1111 00:48:18,596 --> 00:48:20,498 SHE WAS A LESBIAN ANYWAY. I COULD TELL. 1112 00:48:20,598 --> 00:48:22,533 SHE AIN'T NO LESBIAN. SHE'S TOO PRETTY. 1113 00:48:22,633 --> 00:48:24,435 SON, THERE'S ALL KINDS OF LESBIANS -- 1114 00:48:24,535 --> 00:48:27,138 PRETTY ONES AND UGLY ONES -- THERE'S ALL KINDS, YOU KNOW? 1115 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:29,307 SHE HAD LESBIAN ENERGY. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. 1116 00:48:29,407 --> 00:48:31,842 WELL, I'M A LESBIAN IN A MAN'S BODY. 1117 00:48:31,977 --> 00:48:35,146 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT GOT IT ALL STARTED WAS THAT DAMN GLORIA STEINEM, YOU KNOW IT? 1118 00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:37,415 MM-HMM. WHEN SHE STARTED THAT WOMEN'S-LIB CRAP? 1119 00:48:37,515 --> 00:48:41,886 IT WAS HER AND HELEN REDDY AND THAT TENNIS PLAYER THAT BEAT BOBBY RIGGS THAT TIME. 1120 00:48:41,987 --> 00:48:43,989 LET'S DON'T FORGET HELEN GURLEY BROWN. 1121 00:48:44,022 --> 00:48:45,456 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO, DON'T YOU? 1122 00:48:45,556 --> 00:48:48,893 THEY SIT AROUND THE HOUSE ALL DAY READIN' THEM GIRLIE MAGAZINES 1123 00:48:48,994 --> 00:48:52,330 LIKE "WOMAN'S DAY" AND "REDBOOK" AND ALL THAT MESS. 1124 00:48:52,430 --> 00:48:53,831 AND TV. HELL, YEAH. 1125 00:48:53,999 --> 00:48:56,834 START CRYIN' WITH OPRAH ALL DAMN AFTERNOON. 1126 00:48:57,002 --> 00:49:00,738 THEN BY THE TIME YOU GET HOME FROM WORK, SHIT, THEY'D RATHER FIGHT THAN FUCK. 1127 00:49:01,006 --> 00:49:02,740 MMM. 1128 00:49:04,009 --> 00:49:06,611 WELL, I GUESS, YOU KNOW, I'M A PRETTY LUCKY MAN, 1129 00:49:06,711 --> 00:49:09,647 BECAUSE CANDY HAS ALWAYS HAD A VERY HEALTHY APPETITE 1130 00:49:09,747 --> 00:49:11,116 FOR OLD GUNTHER HERE. 1131 00:49:11,216 --> 00:49:12,717 YOU KNOW, I KINDA... 1132 00:49:12,817 --> 00:49:15,586 I WONDER SOMETIMES SHE AIN'T BORDERLINE NYMPHO. 1133 00:49:15,686 --> 00:49:16,854 BUT SHE AIN'T ALWAYS 1134 00:49:17,022 --> 00:49:19,724 AS...WILD AND STUFF AS SHE'S BEEN LATELY. 1135 00:49:19,824 --> 00:49:22,727 I MEAN, SHE DON'T ALWAYS SCREAM AND HOLLER LIKE THAT, DOES SHE? 1136 00:49:23,028 --> 00:49:23,861 SHE SURE DOES. 1137 00:49:24,029 --> 00:49:25,463 NO, SHE DON'T. YES, SHE DOES. 1138 00:49:25,563 --> 00:49:28,633 NO, SHE DON'T. I MEAN...YOU'RE KIDDIN' ME. 1139 00:49:28,733 --> 00:49:30,501 NO, SHE DON'T, DOES SHE? 1140 00:49:30,601 --> 00:49:34,139 YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT CAN BE DOWNRIGHT EMBARRASSIN'. 1141 00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:37,875 AND OTHER TIMES IT CAN MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE STUDLY DO-RIGHT, YOU KNOW? 1142 00:49:38,043 --> 00:49:40,345 YOU'RE THE MAN. KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 1143 00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:41,612 [ SILVERWARE CLATTERS ] 1144 00:49:41,712 --> 00:49:43,314 UH, I GOT TO PEE. I'LL BE BACK. 1145 00:49:43,414 --> 00:49:46,684 * NO PARKING ON THE DANCE FLOOR * 1146 00:49:46,784 --> 00:49:48,686 * ALL RIGHT 1147 00:49:48,786 --> 00:49:50,921 [ SIGHS ] SHIT. 1148 00:49:51,056 --> 00:49:54,225 "PSYCHIC CARD READING... 1149 00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:55,893 MADAM ZORA." 1150 00:49:56,061 --> 00:49:58,463 OH, COME ON. LET'S GO SEE WHAT THE FUTURE SAYS! 1151 00:49:58,563 --> 00:49:59,697 OH, NO! COME ON! 1152 00:49:59,797 --> 00:50:01,332 IT'S KIND OF SCARY. I DON'T LIKE IT. 1153 00:50:01,432 --> 00:50:03,301 OH, COME ON! 1154 00:50:03,401 --> 00:50:05,936 Woman: THIS IS VERY TELLING. 1155 00:50:06,037 --> 00:50:09,807 SEE, THE QUEEN DEPICTS A STRONG SLANT TO YOUR FEMININE SIDE. 1156 00:50:10,041 --> 00:50:11,842 HMM... 1157 00:50:12,043 --> 00:50:13,678 FEMININE SIDE. 1158 00:50:13,778 --> 00:50:16,581 COULD YOU BE EXPECTING? 1159 00:50:20,151 --> 00:50:23,020 [ SIGHS ] I-I'M GONNA TAKE ALL OF THESE. 1160 00:50:23,121 --> 00:50:25,290 I'M NOT TAKIN' ANY CHANCES TONIGHT. 1161 00:50:25,390 --> 00:50:27,024 [ CHUCKLES ] 1162 00:50:27,125 --> 00:50:29,794 HELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? GIVE ME THREE OF THEM BUTTERFINGERS. 1163 00:50:29,894 --> 00:50:33,198 Darlene: SO, ARE YOU EXCITED? 1164 00:50:33,298 --> 00:50:34,399 Roy: ABOUT WHAT? 1165 00:50:34,499 --> 00:50:35,833 THE PREGNANCY TEST. 1166 00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,235 OH. I DON'T KNOW. 1167 00:50:37,335 --> 00:50:41,072 I -- I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE THINKS SHE IS NOW. 1168 00:50:41,172 --> 00:50:44,642 SHE AIN'T EVEN MISSED HER... THING OR NOTHIN'. 1169 00:50:44,742 --> 00:50:47,812 WELL, I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE FEMALE SECRET. 1170 00:50:47,912 --> 00:50:50,981 SOMETIMES YOU JUST KNOW, EVEN BEFORE YOU MISS YOUR THING. 1171 00:50:51,082 --> 00:50:54,952 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT BUYIN' ALL THAT, UH, SCREAMIN' AND MOANIN' 1172 00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,555 AND SHIT YOU'VE BEEN DOIN', JUST SO YOU KNOW. 1173 00:50:57,655 --> 00:51:00,057 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? 1174 00:51:00,158 --> 00:51:02,827 OH, DON'T BULLSHIT ME, CANDY. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. 1175 00:51:02,927 --> 00:51:04,962 YOU'RE STILL MAD ABOUT OUR LITTLE FLING. 1176 00:51:05,130 --> 00:51:07,632 YOU'RE DOIN' ALL THAT SHIT FOR MY BENEFIT. I GET IT. 1177 00:51:07,732 --> 00:51:09,700 DOIN' WHAT? 1178 00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:13,504 SCREAMIN' LIKE A STUCK HOG WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHEN Y'ALL DO IT. 1179 00:51:13,604 --> 00:51:17,842 BUT IT AIN'T WORKIN'. IT'S A BAD ACTING JOB. 1180 00:51:18,143 --> 00:51:21,646 WHO'S ACTIN'? 1181 00:51:21,746 --> 00:51:26,251 [ CHUCKLES ] WELL...ALL I KNOW IS 1182 00:51:26,351 --> 00:51:29,787 THAT YOU DON'T MAKE ALL THAT RACKET WHEN YOU AND ME DO IT. 1183 00:51:29,887 --> 00:51:33,858 WELL, YOU FIGURE THAT OUT, SHERLOCK. 1184 00:51:34,159 --> 00:51:35,693 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 1185 00:51:35,793 --> 00:51:40,398 [ TOILET FLUSHES, ROY GROANS ] 1186 00:51:40,498 --> 00:51:43,368 [ HANDLE CLICKS ] 1187 00:51:45,170 --> 00:51:46,304 Roy: SO? 1188 00:51:46,404 --> 00:51:49,407 WELL, I PEED IN A CUP, ON A STICK, ON MY HAND. 1189 00:51:49,507 --> 00:51:52,377 I GOT LINES AND CROSSES AND... 1190 00:51:55,180 --> 00:51:57,615 THEY ALL SAY THE SAME THING. 1191 00:51:59,517 --> 00:52:01,419 YES. 1192 00:52:01,519 --> 00:52:02,420 YEAH? 1193 00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:05,290 OH, CANDY. [ GIGGLES ] 1194 00:52:05,390 --> 00:52:06,691 NO. BABY... 1195 00:52:06,791 --> 00:52:08,793 D-DID YOU HEAR? WE...YEAH? 1196 00:52:08,893 --> 00:52:10,528 [ LAUGHS ] 1197 00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:13,097 OH, CAN YOU HOLD THAT? 1198 00:52:13,198 --> 00:52:14,832 YOU MEAN WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY?! 1199 00:52:14,932 --> 00:52:17,034 [ Laughing ] OH, BABY DOLL! 1200 00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,337 OH, I LOVE YOU! [ LAUGHS ] 1201 00:52:20,838 --> 00:52:22,240 YOU HAPPY? 1202 00:52:22,340 --> 00:52:23,641 YEAH. YOU? 1203 00:52:23,741 --> 00:52:26,444 YOU SURE? MM-HMM. 1204 00:52:26,544 --> 00:52:27,812 I LOVE YOU. 1205 00:52:27,912 --> 00:52:29,980 I LOVE YOU, BABY. I LOVE YOU. 1206 00:52:30,215 --> 00:52:31,816 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 1207 00:52:34,219 --> 00:52:38,223 [ INTRODUCTION TO "BABY GOT GOING" PLAYS ] 1208 00:52:43,994 --> 00:52:45,896 * BABY GOT TO GOING ON A SOUTHERN TRAIN * 1209 00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:48,799 * FIRED-UP PISTONS DRIVIN' BELOW * 1210 00:52:48,899 --> 00:52:50,468 * AND THE WHOLE VIBRATION... 1211 00:52:50,568 --> 00:52:51,636 BEER. 1212 00:52:51,736 --> 00:52:52,770 BEER. 1213 00:52:52,870 --> 00:52:55,706 * LET'S ROLL 1214 00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:57,475 * LET'S ROLL... 1215 00:52:57,575 --> 00:52:59,244 BEER. LIGHT BEER. 1216 00:53:02,980 --> 00:53:05,816 [ COINS RATTLING ] OH, MY GOD! I WON! 1217 00:53:05,916 --> 00:53:08,085 * MY BABY GOT GOIN' WHEN THE TRAIN HIT THE ROAD * 1218 00:53:08,253 --> 00:53:10,288 * MY BABY GOT GOIN' WHEN THE TRAIN HIT THE ROAD * 1219 00:53:10,388 --> 00:53:12,857 * MY BABY GOT GOIN' WHEN THE TRAIN HIT THE ROAD * 1220 00:53:12,957 --> 00:53:14,759 WHOO! 1221 00:53:14,859 --> 00:53:17,828 AGAIN! I GOT 21! 1222 00:53:17,928 --> 00:53:19,630 * MY BABY'S HOOKED ON ME 1223 00:53:19,730 --> 00:53:22,767 * AND AS YOU CAN SEE I'M WILD ABOUT HER * 1224 00:53:22,867 --> 00:53:27,772 * WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA-OH * 1225 00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:32,743 * WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA-OH * 1226 00:53:32,843 --> 00:53:33,778 * WHOA 1227 00:53:33,878 --> 00:53:35,446 [ BELLS RINGING, COINS RATTLING ] 1228 00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:37,815 OH, MY GOD! IT'S ALIVE! [ SCREAMS, LAUGHS ] 1229 00:53:37,915 --> 00:53:40,451 WHERE'D IT GO? IT'S GONE. 1230 00:53:40,551 --> 00:53:43,488 WHERE'D IT GO? WHY IS IT FLAT? [ LAUGHS ] 1231 00:53:43,588 --> 00:53:45,323 YOU THINK I CAN HEAR HIM? 1232 00:53:45,423 --> 00:53:46,691 I THINK MAYBE YOU COULD. 1233 00:53:46,791 --> 00:53:48,326 OH! AAH! [ LAUGHS ] 1234 00:53:48,426 --> 00:53:51,629 LITTLE SUCKER KICKS LIKE A MULE. [ LAUGHS ] 1235 00:53:52,697 --> 00:53:55,300 HEY, HONEY? MM-HMM. 1236 00:53:55,333 --> 00:53:56,367 [ ROY AND CANDY LAUGHING ] 1237 00:53:56,467 --> 00:53:59,637 COULD YOU COME SIT BY ME FOR A MINUTE? 1238 00:53:59,737 --> 00:54:02,106 SURE. 1239 00:54:02,307 --> 00:54:03,674 [ LAUGHING CONTINUES ] 1240 00:54:08,313 --> 00:54:10,581 ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE DEAL. 1241 00:54:10,681 --> 00:54:14,652 UM...I -- I DID PRETTY GOOD TONIGHT. 1242 00:54:14,752 --> 00:54:15,853 YOU KNOW, GAMBLIN'? 1243 00:54:15,953 --> 00:54:17,622 WON A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY, THAT KIND OF THING. 1244 00:54:17,722 --> 00:54:18,556 THAT'S NICE, HUH? 1245 00:54:18,656 --> 00:54:20,057 [ SNIFFS ] 1246 00:54:20,325 --> 00:54:23,160 AND, UH, WELL, I'D -- 1247 00:54:23,328 --> 00:54:26,497 I-I GOT THIS DEAL THAT, UH, MAYBE IT'S NOT -- 1248 00:54:26,597 --> 00:54:28,433 I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S DOWN YOUR ALLEY OR NOT. 1249 00:54:28,533 --> 00:54:32,169 IT'S JUST, UH, A LITTLE SOMETHIN' I GOT AND -- 1250 00:54:32,337 --> 00:54:35,340 ANYHOW, WELL, THERE. HA HA. 1251 00:54:35,406 --> 00:54:36,841 THAT'S FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING. 1252 00:54:39,710 --> 00:54:41,946 I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I DON'T KNOW. 1253 00:54:42,046 --> 00:54:44,749 I'M NOT REAL GOOD AT PICKIN' SHIT OUT. YOU KNOW THAT. 1254 00:54:44,849 --> 00:54:47,452 JUST, YOU KNOW, GIRL KIND OF THING. 1255 00:54:47,552 --> 00:54:48,419 [ BREATHES HEAVILY ] 1256 00:54:48,519 --> 00:54:50,388 [ SIGHS ] 1257 00:54:52,523 --> 00:54:54,692 YOU LIKE IT? 1258 00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:57,395 LONNIE EARL... 1259 00:54:57,495 --> 00:55:00,197 A BRACELET. 1260 00:55:00,398 --> 00:55:02,567 IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 1261 00:55:04,969 --> 00:55:08,973 IT'S NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE. 1262 00:55:52,617 --> 00:55:55,553 Close the door. 1263 00:55:55,653 --> 00:55:57,622 OH, YEAH. 1264 00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,760 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. DON'T MOVE. 1265 00:56:07,732 --> 00:56:10,601 [ HINGES CREAK ] 1266 00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:13,571 Candy: WELL, LOOK AT YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS. 1267 00:56:13,671 --> 00:56:15,039 DID Y'ALL HEAR THAT EARTHQUAKE LAST NIGHT? 1268 00:56:15,139 --> 00:56:16,541 [ LAUGHING ] STOP. 1269 00:56:16,641 --> 00:56:19,544 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 1270 00:56:19,644 --> 00:56:22,112 YOU WANT SOME COFFEE, HON? 1271 00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:24,482 YOU SURE THERE'S NO WAY THEY COULD BE WRONG? 1272 00:56:24,582 --> 00:56:27,552 HEY, SON, YOU BETTER GET IN HERE. YOUR EGGS ARE GONNA GET CRUSTY. 1273 00:56:27,652 --> 00:56:29,720 HOW'S IT -- HOW'S IT POSSIBLE? 1274 00:56:29,820 --> 00:56:32,557 I CAN'T FIND ANY MIDGETS. 1275 00:56:32,657 --> 00:56:36,661 WELL, YOU MIGHT TRY UNDER "L" FOR "LITTLE PEOPLE." 1276 00:56:36,761 --> 00:56:39,163 Roy: YEAH, OKAY. 1277 00:56:39,464 --> 00:56:40,798 HONEY, HURRY UP. 1278 00:56:40,898 --> 00:56:42,500 I GOTTA SEE IF WE CAN BOOK THAT CHAPEL. 1279 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,836 OKAY. BYE. 1280 00:56:45,936 --> 00:56:47,505 I SWEAR TO GOD, 1281 00:56:47,605 --> 00:56:50,475 IF I DON'T GET ANY MIDGETS, I'M GONNA BE SO UPSET. 1282 00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:52,610 I CAN'T HAVE THIS WEDDING WITHOUT MIDGETS. 1283 00:56:52,710 --> 00:56:55,780 Darlene: YOU'LL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WEDDIN' NO MATTER WHAT. 1284 00:56:59,183 --> 00:57:00,518 WHAT'S WRONG, HONEY? 1285 00:57:00,618 --> 00:57:03,588 WELL, THAT WAS -- I WAS JUST TALKIN' TO DOC TULEY, 1286 00:57:03,688 --> 00:57:08,125 AND, UH, HE JUST TOLD ME THAT, UH, UM... 1287 00:57:08,225 --> 00:57:10,327 UH, HE SAID I CAN'T HAVE BABIES. 1288 00:57:10,561 --> 00:57:12,630 [ LAUGHTER ] 1289 00:57:13,964 --> 00:57:16,501 THAT'S FUNNY. THAT'S CUTE, BABY. 1290 00:57:16,567 --> 00:57:17,902 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE CAN'T HAVE BABIES? 1291 00:57:18,002 --> 00:57:21,506 NO, NOT "WE." ME. 1292 00:57:21,539 --> 00:57:24,108 SEE, I-I DIDN'T TELL YOU 'CAUSE I-I DIDN'T WANT YOU WORRYIN', 1293 00:57:24,208 --> 00:57:26,343 BUT I HAD SOME FERTILITY TESTS DONE 1294 00:57:26,511 --> 00:57:27,945 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE BEEN TRYIN' 1295 00:57:28,045 --> 00:57:31,415 AND, YOU KNOW, WEREN'T GETTIN' NOWHERE AND... 1296 00:57:31,516 --> 00:57:35,520 [ SIGHS ] WELL, ANYWAY, THE TESTS CAME BACK FROM LITTLE ROCK, 1297 00:57:35,586 --> 00:57:38,523 AND MY TADPOLES AIN'T SWIMMIN'. 1298 00:57:38,589 --> 00:57:39,624 ROY, IT'S JUST A MISTAKE. 1299 00:57:39,724 --> 00:57:42,927 THEY MADE A MISTAKE BECAUSE, IN CASE YOU FORGOT, 1300 00:57:43,027 --> 00:57:45,129 I'M DEFINITELY POLLINATED. 1301 00:57:45,229 --> 00:57:47,131 NO, THEY SAID IT'S A FOR-SURE THING. 1302 00:57:47,231 --> 00:57:48,799 HONEY, IT CAN'T BE A FOR-SURE THING. DAMN IT. 1303 00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:52,202 THEY -- THEY SENT THE SAMPLES OFF TO A DANG LABORATORY. 1304 00:57:52,302 --> 00:57:53,938 THEY AIN'T GONNA BE WRONG IN A LABORATORY. 1305 00:57:54,038 --> 00:57:55,540 WELL, THEY GOTTA BE WRONG BECAUSE I CAN'T BE PREGNANT 1306 00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:56,607 UNLESS -- 1307 00:58:03,648 --> 00:58:04,582 WHAT WAS THAT? 1308 00:58:04,682 --> 00:58:07,151 WHAT WAS WHAT? 1309 00:58:07,251 --> 00:58:08,986 THAT LOOK. WHAT LOOK? 1310 00:58:09,086 --> 00:58:13,558 THE LOOK YOU TWO JUST GAVE EACH OTHER. 1311 00:58:14,592 --> 00:58:17,027 OH. THAT -- THAT WAS -- THAT WAS NO LOOK. 1312 00:58:17,127 --> 00:58:18,596 [ PANTS ] W-- 1313 00:58:24,635 --> 00:58:27,471 DARLENE, I-I'M SO SORRY. 1314 00:58:27,572 --> 00:58:29,406 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE SORRY? 1315 00:58:29,574 --> 00:58:30,474 I'M SO SORRY, DARLENE. 1316 00:58:30,575 --> 00:58:31,876 WHAT ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT? 1317 00:58:31,976 --> 00:58:32,843 YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' TO BE SORRY ABOUT. 1318 00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:34,579 I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, 1319 00:58:34,645 --> 00:58:36,013 YOU LOOKED AT ME, AND I LOOKED AT YOU. 1320 00:58:36,113 --> 00:58:37,682 SHIT. PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER, CAN'T THEY? 1321 00:58:37,782 --> 00:58:39,684 NOT THAT LIKE, THEY CAN'T. 1322 00:58:41,251 --> 00:58:46,356 OH, GOD. PLEASE... PLEASE FORGIVE ME. 1323 00:58:46,624 --> 00:58:47,825 OH. 1324 00:58:47,925 --> 00:58:49,493 [ SILVERWARE CLANGS ] FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT? 1325 00:58:49,594 --> 00:58:51,495 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FORGIVE YOU? 1326 00:58:51,596 --> 00:58:53,163 [ Laughing ] THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 1327 00:58:53,263 --> 00:58:55,265 WILL Y'ALL HOLD ON? I -- B-- 1328 00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:56,734 AM I MISSIN' SOMETHIN' HERE? 1329 00:58:56,834 --> 00:58:59,469 OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, ROY, DON'T YOU SEE? 1330 00:58:59,604 --> 00:59:02,907 THIS ISN'T RENO. THIS IS "MELROSE PLACE." 1331 00:59:03,007 --> 00:59:04,441 HUH? 1332 00:59:04,609 --> 00:59:06,376 MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN DOIN' YOUR WIFE. 1333 00:59:06,611 --> 00:59:08,679 NO. 1334 00:59:08,779 --> 00:59:09,847 YES. 1335 00:59:09,947 --> 00:59:11,248 AIN'T THAT THE SHITS? 1336 00:59:11,348 --> 00:59:12,717 I THINK Y'ALL ARE JUMPIN' THE GUN. 1337 00:59:12,817 --> 00:59:15,019 [ SILVERWARE CLANGING ] SHUT UP! 1338 00:59:15,119 --> 00:59:17,454 OH, JUST SHUT UP, LONNIE EARL! GOD DAMN IT! 1339 00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,356 [ Crying ] QUIT ACTING LIKE SUCH AN ASS! 1340 00:59:19,624 --> 00:59:21,091 YOU BLEW IT! 1341 00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,259 WELL, HELL, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT PREGNANT. 1342 00:59:22,359 --> 00:59:23,628 SHE'S THE ONE GOT PREGNANT. SHIT. 1343 00:59:23,728 --> 00:59:27,131 YOU INSENSITIVE SON OF A BITCH! 1344 00:59:27,231 --> 00:59:28,866 [ FOOTSTEPS ] 1345 00:59:28,966 --> 00:59:32,970 [ DOOR OPENS, DOOR SLAMS ] 1346 00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:36,173 Candy: [ Crying ] DARLENE, I KNOW. I'M SO SORRY. 1347 00:59:36,273 --> 00:59:39,109 HE'S AN ASSHOLE! 1348 00:59:39,209 --> 00:59:40,811 Darlene: HE'S AN ASSHOLE?! 1349 00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:45,449 HEY, ROY, LISTEN, I'M SORRY, MAN. 1350 00:59:45,650 --> 00:59:48,118 YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. 1351 00:59:49,754 --> 00:59:51,789 LISTEN, W-- YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME. 1352 00:59:51,889 --> 00:59:53,123 THIS DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKIN' THING TO DO WITH YOU. 1353 00:59:53,223 --> 00:59:55,693 [ PLATE CLINKS ] SHE'S MY WIFE! 1354 00:59:55,793 --> 00:59:56,460 Darlene: TRAMP! 1355 00:59:56,727 --> 00:59:59,229 BASTARD! 1356 00:59:59,329 --> 01:00:02,466 OH. DARLENE, PLEASE WAIT. 1357 01:00:02,667 --> 01:00:04,401 [ PLATES CLINK ] 1358 01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:05,602 [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] 1359 01:00:05,703 --> 01:00:08,038 DARLENE... DARLENE, PLEASE WAIT. 1360 01:00:08,138 --> 01:00:09,206 SHUT UP. 1361 01:00:09,306 --> 01:00:10,875 COME ON. WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS. 1362 01:00:10,975 --> 01:00:13,010 YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. 1363 01:00:13,110 --> 01:00:14,311 BEST FRIENDS? 1364 01:00:14,411 --> 01:00:16,981 BEST FRIENDS DON'T DO THAT TO BEST FRIENDS. 1365 01:00:20,184 --> 01:00:21,385 ENJOYING YOUR STAY, SIR? 1366 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:22,820 OH, SHUT UP. 1367 01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:25,222 OKAY, THEN. 1368 01:00:25,322 --> 01:00:28,693 [ DOOR OPENS, SLAMS ] 1369 01:00:28,793 --> 01:00:31,829 I'VE KNOWN YOU SINCE THE THIRD GRADE. 1370 01:00:31,929 --> 01:00:35,332 JUST HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN VISITIN' SIN CITY? 1371 01:00:36,901 --> 01:00:38,736 TWICE. JUST TWO TIMES. 1372 01:00:38,836 --> 01:00:40,604 I SWEAR TO GOD, THAT'S IT. THAT'S -- 1373 01:00:40,705 --> 01:00:42,673 WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? WHY ARE YOU... 1374 01:00:42,773 --> 01:00:43,507 WE NEED -- WE NEED TO TALK. 1375 01:00:43,741 --> 01:00:44,675 NOT NOW, ROY! 1376 01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:47,011 CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYIN' TO CONSOLE DARLENE?! 1377 01:00:47,111 --> 01:00:48,879 OH, I DON'T WANT YOUR CONSOLIN'! 1378 01:00:48,979 --> 01:00:50,380 THAT'S YOUR HUSBAND! 1379 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:51,849 HE'S THE ONE WHO NEEDS YOUR CONSOLIN'! 1380 01:00:51,949 --> 01:00:53,617 I'M FINE. 1381 01:00:53,718 --> 01:00:55,285 TH-THAT'S OKAY. YOU CAN GO FIRST. 1382 01:00:55,385 --> 01:00:56,386 DAMN IT, ROY! 1383 01:00:56,486 --> 01:00:58,689 SHOW SOME BACKBONE, WILL YA?! 1384 01:00:58,789 --> 01:00:59,556 WH-- WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME?! 1385 01:00:59,656 --> 01:01:00,657 WHY ARE YOU YELLIN' AT HIM? 1386 01:01:00,758 --> 01:01:02,126 HE'S JUST TRYIN' TO BE NICE. 1387 01:01:02,226 --> 01:01:03,360 SHUT UP, WHORE! 1388 01:01:03,460 --> 01:01:04,729 Lonnie Earl: ALL RIGHT, ROY. 1389 01:01:04,795 --> 01:01:05,730 DARLENE. 1390 01:01:05,830 --> 01:01:06,731 COME ON, HIT ME. 1391 01:01:06,797 --> 01:01:07,832 WHAT? HIT ME. 1392 01:01:07,932 --> 01:01:09,299 I GOT IT COMIN' TO ME. NO. 1393 01:01:09,399 --> 01:01:11,101 IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. IT'LL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. 1394 01:01:11,201 --> 01:01:12,970 I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME BACK. I PROMISE I WON'T HIT YOU BACK. 1395 01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:14,138 OKAY, COME ON! 1396 01:01:14,238 --> 01:01:15,539 OH, MY GOD! LONNIE EARL! 1397 01:01:15,773 --> 01:01:16,540 GET OFF! 1398 01:01:16,774 --> 01:01:17,875 GET OFF ME! 1399 01:01:17,975 --> 01:01:19,777 GET OFF HIM, YOU BASTARD! 1400 01:01:19,877 --> 01:01:21,111 YOU HIT HIM! 1401 01:01:21,211 --> 01:01:23,213 YOU HIT ME AND THEN SLEEP WITH MY WIFE! 1402 01:01:23,313 --> 01:01:24,581 AND YOU HIT ME! 1403 01:01:24,749 --> 01:01:26,583 IT WAS JUST A REFLEX ACTION. THAT'S ALL IT WAS. 1404 01:01:26,751 --> 01:01:28,518 FOLKS, YOU REALLY GOTTA KEEP IT DOWN IN -- 1405 01:01:28,753 --> 01:01:31,355 GET THE FUCK OUT!! 1406 01:01:31,455 --> 01:01:32,622 HOLD ON. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, LISTEN. 1407 01:01:32,757 --> 01:01:36,126 I GOT A GREAT IDEA, OKAY? 1408 01:01:36,226 --> 01:01:38,595 I KNOW HOW TO FIX EVERYTHING. 1409 01:01:38,763 --> 01:01:40,464 DARLENE AND ROY GOTTA SLEEP TOGETHER. 1410 01:01:40,564 --> 01:01:42,599 IT'LL MAKE IT EVEN. IT'S LIKE A DEALER TRADE-IN. 1411 01:01:42,767 --> 01:01:44,201 YOU ARE SUCH A SICK FUCK! WHAT? 1412 01:01:44,301 --> 01:01:46,003 HAVE YOU FINALLY LOST YOUR MIND?! 1413 01:01:46,103 --> 01:01:51,608 IF I WANTED A MAKE-UP FUCK, IT WOULD BE WITH TONY ORLANDO! 1414 01:01:51,809 --> 01:01:53,077 JESUS, HELP ME. 1415 01:01:53,177 --> 01:01:56,981 I FEEL SO RAW, LIKE I HAVEN'T GOT ANY SKIN! 1416 01:01:57,081 --> 01:01:59,950 THIS IS WRONG. IT'S JUST WRONG. 1417 01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:01,218 I KNOW. IT'S WRONG. 1418 01:02:01,318 --> 01:02:03,420 AND IF I COULD JUST WIGGLE MY NOSE 1419 01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,322 LIKE SAMANTHA ON "BEWITCHED" 1420 01:02:05,422 --> 01:02:07,257 AND MAKE THIS ALL GO AWAY, DARLENE, I WOULD. 1421 01:02:07,357 --> 01:02:08,625 [ Crying ] I SWEAR TO GOD. 1422 01:02:08,793 --> 01:02:09,794 YOU'D PROBABLY CALL UP AUNT CLARA, 1423 01:02:09,860 --> 01:02:11,328 AND LONNIE EARL WOULD FUCK HER, TOO. 1424 01:02:11,428 --> 01:02:12,830 HEY, HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 1425 01:02:12,930 --> 01:02:14,264 HEY, HEY, HEY, HONEY, LISTEN. 1426 01:02:14,364 --> 01:02:15,966 LISTEN. C-CALM DOWN. 1427 01:02:16,066 --> 01:02:17,101 DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! CALM -- CALM DOWN! 1428 01:02:17,201 --> 01:02:18,435 CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN. 1429 01:02:18,535 --> 01:02:20,204 LET -- LET ME GO WITH YOU, AND WE'LL -- WE'LL TALK. 1430 01:02:20,304 --> 01:02:22,372 I DON'T WANNA BE AROUND YOU. 1431 01:02:22,472 --> 01:02:24,108 I DON'T WANNA BE AROUND ANY OF YOU. 1432 01:02:24,208 --> 01:02:25,709 NO, DARLENE. 1433 01:02:25,810 --> 01:02:26,576 YOU'RE GONNA NEED YOUR EYEDROPS. 1434 01:02:26,811 --> 01:02:28,712 MY EYES ARE JUST FINE. 1435 01:02:28,813 --> 01:02:30,815 THEY'RE JUST FINE. I DON'T NEED 'EM. 1436 01:02:30,915 --> 01:02:32,716 EVERYTHING'S CRYSTAL CLEAR. 1437 01:02:32,817 --> 01:02:34,418 PLEASE DON'T GO. DARLENE, WAIT A MINUTE. 1438 01:02:34,518 --> 01:02:36,821 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 1439 01:02:38,923 --> 01:02:40,891 [ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] 1440 01:02:42,827 --> 01:02:43,560 [ SNIFFLES ] 1441 01:02:43,828 --> 01:02:44,895 HELLO. 1442 01:02:44,995 --> 01:02:47,564 THIS IS DEFINITELY THE SHITS. 1443 01:02:47,832 --> 01:02:49,566 I'M SORRY, ROY. 1444 01:02:49,834 --> 01:02:51,501 YOU KNOW WHAT? 1445 01:02:51,601 --> 01:02:55,572 SORRY JUST AIN'T CUTTIN' IT RIGHT NOW, LONNIE EARL. 1446 01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:56,573 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 1447 01:02:56,841 --> 01:02:58,508 [ Crying ] SUGAR KITTEN? 1448 01:02:58,608 --> 01:03:01,378 I'M IN HELL. I HOPE EVERYBODY'S HAPPY. 1449 01:03:01,478 --> 01:03:03,280 [ SIGHS ] 1450 01:03:03,380 --> 01:03:04,949 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 1451 01:03:05,049 --> 01:03:06,917 FRIENDS? 1452 01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:11,388 SHIT! FUCK! 1453 01:03:11,488 --> 01:03:15,559 [ PANTING, SNIFFLES ] 1454 01:03:15,659 --> 01:03:18,528 [ Crying ] CAR NUMBER 5394, PLEASE. 1455 01:03:18,628 --> 01:03:20,965 YES. YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY, TOO. 1456 01:03:21,065 --> 01:03:22,199 DARLENE, WAIT! 1457 01:03:22,299 --> 01:03:24,734 YOU DON'T WANNA LEAVE LIKE THIS. 1458 01:03:24,869 --> 01:03:26,270 DON'T TELL ME WHAT I WANT. 1459 01:03:26,370 --> 01:03:29,639 I'M SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLIN' ME WHAT I WANT TO DO! 1460 01:03:29,874 --> 01:03:31,408 GOD, I FUCKED UP. 1461 01:03:31,508 --> 01:03:32,542 I'M SO SORRY, HON. 1462 01:03:32,642 --> 01:03:34,411 WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS. 1463 01:03:34,511 --> 01:03:36,680 WE'RE TOO CLOSE TO THROW AWAY WHAT WE GOT. 1464 01:03:36,914 --> 01:03:38,883 WHAT WE GOT?! 1465 01:03:38,949 --> 01:03:42,352 WE GOT A FUCKIN' MESS IS WHAT WE GOT! 1466 01:03:42,452 --> 01:03:44,454 AND I HAD NOTHIN' TO DO WITH IT! 1467 01:03:44,554 --> 01:03:45,655 [ SNIFFLES ] 1468 01:03:45,890 --> 01:03:47,024 YES, YOU DID. 1469 01:03:47,124 --> 01:03:48,125 OH, EXCUSE ME? 1470 01:03:48,225 --> 01:03:51,161 YOU DID HAVE SOMETHIN' TO DO WITH IT, DARLENE. 1471 01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:54,098 HELL, LONNIE EARL WAS CRYIN' FOR YOUR ATTENTION, 1472 01:03:54,198 --> 01:03:56,566 AND YOU REFUSED TO SEE IT. 1473 01:03:56,666 --> 01:03:58,435 SO HE CAME TO ME TO TALK ABOUT IT, [ SCOFFS ] 1474 01:03:58,535 --> 01:04:00,537 AND I WAS JUST TRYIN' TO BE YOUR FRIEND, SO I LISTENED. 1475 01:04:00,637 --> 01:04:01,805 AND BEFORE YOU KNEW IT, 1476 01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:03,974 HE WAS SPINNIN' YOU LIKE A HELICOPTER. 1477 01:04:04,074 --> 01:04:05,075 YOU BITCH. 1478 01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:07,244 AND YOU CALL YOURSELF MY FRIEND. 1479 01:04:07,344 --> 01:04:10,314 YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DO. [ PANTING ] 1480 01:04:10,414 --> 01:04:11,548 IN CASE YOU FORGOT, 1481 01:04:11,648 --> 01:04:13,450 I TRIED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT, TOO, 1482 01:04:13,550 --> 01:04:16,053 AND YOU KEPT TRYIN' TO CONVINCE ME AND YOURSELF 1483 01:04:16,153 --> 01:04:17,221 THAT EVERYTHING WAS GREAT, 1484 01:04:17,321 --> 01:04:18,455 THAT LIFE WAS JUST ONE BIG BOWL OF CHERRIES! 1485 01:04:18,555 --> 01:04:20,925 OH, GO AWAY! 1486 01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:22,960 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE A FUCKIN' MOLE. 1487 01:04:23,060 --> 01:04:25,963 AND I'M NOT TALKIN' ABOUT THAT THING ON CINDY CRAWFORD'S LIPS. 1488 01:04:26,063 --> 01:04:29,133 I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THEM RODENTS THAT BURY THEMSELVES IN THE GROUND. 1489 01:04:29,233 --> 01:04:32,169 THEY GOT EYES, BUT SINCE THEY DON'T USE 'EM, THEY CAN'T SEE. 1490 01:04:32,269 --> 01:04:33,703 COME ON, ELEVATOR. 1491 01:04:33,938 --> 01:04:35,439 JUST GO AHEAD. 1492 01:04:35,539 --> 01:04:37,507 JUST RUN AWAY, DARLENE, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. 1493 01:04:37,607 --> 01:04:39,309 JUST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO FACE ANYTHING. 1494 01:04:39,409 --> 01:04:40,777 SHUT UP. 1495 01:04:40,945 --> 01:04:43,247 YOU'VE GOT THE WORLD BY ITS BALLS, 1496 01:04:43,347 --> 01:04:44,848 AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT! 1497 01:04:44,949 --> 01:04:48,552 [ PANTING ] AND YOU KNOW WHY? 1498 01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:53,190 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS THROWING SOME GODDAMN DARLENE PITY PARTY. 1499 01:04:53,290 --> 01:04:55,392 MOPIN' AROUND IN THOSE STUPID OVERALLS, 1500 01:04:55,492 --> 01:04:59,029 FEELIN' SORRY FOR YOURSELF, HIDIN' BEHIND YOUR KIDS! 1501 01:04:59,129 --> 01:05:01,598 GOD, YOU'VE GOT THIS PRISON BUILT INTO YOUR HEAD, 1502 01:05:01,698 --> 01:05:02,766 AND YOU JUST LOVE LIVING THERE! 1503 01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:04,334 STOP NOW! 1504 01:05:04,434 --> 01:05:05,569 NO! 1505 01:05:05,669 --> 01:05:09,373 WAKE...UP, DARLENE. 1506 01:05:09,473 --> 01:05:12,076 YOU'VE GOT A NICE HOUSE, YOUR BILLS ARE PAID, 1507 01:05:12,176 --> 01:05:13,978 YOU'VE GOT HEALTHY KIDS, 1508 01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:17,014 YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS WHO CARE ABOUT YOU IF YOU ONLY LET THEM. 1509 01:05:17,114 --> 01:05:18,682 AND, DAMN IT, YOU'VE GOT A HUSBAND 1510 01:05:18,782 --> 01:05:21,085 WHO THINKS YOU'RE WORTH FIGHTIN' FOR! 1511 01:05:21,185 --> 01:05:23,420 HE SO DESPERATELY WANTS TO FIND 1512 01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,422 THE WOMAN HE FELL IN LOVE WITH. 1513 01:05:25,522 --> 01:05:29,093 GOD DAMN IT, YOU COULD REALLY ENJOY LIFE. 1514 01:05:29,193 --> 01:05:34,164 IF YOU OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU'D SEE THAT I'M RIGHT. 1515 01:05:34,264 --> 01:05:37,667 ALL I'D SEE ARE YOUR LEGS UP OVER MY HUSBAND'S SHOULDERS. 1516 01:05:37,767 --> 01:05:39,103 [ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS, DOORS OPEN ] 1517 01:05:39,203 --> 01:05:42,372 OH. DON'T GO THERE. 1518 01:05:42,472 --> 01:05:43,540 [ CLEARS THROAT ] LADIES... 1519 01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:44,641 THE ONLY THING I'M STILL WONDERIN' 1520 01:05:44,741 --> 01:05:46,543 IS HOW A SPOILED BRAT LIKE YOU 1521 01:05:46,643 --> 01:05:49,013 FUCKED LONNIE EARL WITHOUT YOUR DADDY'S PERMISSION. 1522 01:05:49,113 --> 01:05:50,514 OOOHHHHHH! OW! 1523 01:05:50,614 --> 01:05:51,881 BITCH! 1524 01:05:52,016 --> 01:05:54,618 [ INDISTINCT YELLING ] 1525 01:05:54,718 --> 01:05:56,020 ROY, LET'S TALK. 1526 01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:57,154 OH, SHUT UP. 1527 01:05:57,254 --> 01:05:59,056 THEY'RE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER. 1528 01:05:59,156 --> 01:06:00,657 [ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] 1529 01:06:00,757 --> 01:06:02,026 HEY, JUST -- JUST -- JUST A SEC. 1530 01:06:02,092 --> 01:06:03,627 I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU... STAIRS. 1531 01:06:03,727 --> 01:06:05,095 H-HOW SORRY I AM ABOUT ALL OF THIS. 1532 01:06:05,195 --> 01:06:07,231 LATER. ROY... 1533 01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,069 [ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] 1534 01:06:12,169 --> 01:06:15,105 LET GO OF ME! 1535 01:06:15,205 --> 01:06:17,107 DARLENE! 1536 01:06:17,207 --> 01:06:18,175 LET ME GO! 1537 01:06:18,275 --> 01:06:20,177 UGH! 1538 01:06:20,277 --> 01:06:22,679 GET OFF OF ME, YOU BITCH! 1539 01:06:22,779 --> 01:06:24,448 WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME -- 1540 01:06:24,548 --> 01:06:26,083 OH! OW! OW! 1541 01:06:26,183 --> 01:06:27,451 OW! OW! OW! 1542 01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:29,053 I HOPE THAT HURTS YOU LIKE YOU HURT ME. 1543 01:06:29,153 --> 01:06:31,455 [ BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY ] 1544 01:06:31,555 --> 01:06:34,391 ARRRGGHH! DARLENE! 1545 01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:36,260 [ PANTING ] 1546 01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:38,528 Roy: Y'ALL STOP IT. 1547 01:06:38,628 --> 01:06:40,564 NO! NO! 1548 01:06:40,664 --> 01:06:42,332 NO! LET GO OF ME! 1549 01:06:42,432 --> 01:06:43,433 GET OFF HER! 1550 01:06:43,533 --> 01:06:45,269 DON'T TELL ME I'M GOIN' HOME! 1551 01:06:45,369 --> 01:06:46,436 LONNIE EARL, LET GO OF ME! 1552 01:06:46,536 --> 01:06:48,472 WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? WILL YOU CALM DOWN? 1553 01:06:48,572 --> 01:06:50,240 DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! 1554 01:06:50,340 --> 01:06:53,110 ROY! LET GO! PUT ME DOWN! 1555 01:06:53,210 --> 01:06:54,578 OOH! 1556 01:06:54,678 --> 01:06:56,513 I'M WITH CHILD, YOU IDIOT! 1557 01:06:56,613 --> 01:06:58,515 GET -- LET GO OF THAT. WHAT ARE YOU -- 1558 01:06:58,615 --> 01:06:59,883 GIVE ME MY WALLET! 1559 01:07:00,084 --> 01:07:01,551 GIVE ME MY -- WHOA! 1560 01:07:01,651 --> 01:07:03,387 [ SLOT MACHINE SPINS ] 1561 01:07:03,487 --> 01:07:04,521 [ CHANGE CLINKING ] 1562 01:07:04,621 --> 01:07:05,955 IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?! 1563 01:07:06,156 --> 01:07:06,890 NO, NO, HONEY, PLEASE. 1564 01:07:07,091 --> 01:07:08,092 THIS IS WHAT I WANT! 1565 01:07:08,158 --> 01:07:09,326 PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. GIVE ME THAT. 1566 01:07:09,426 --> 01:07:10,394 BASTARD! 1567 01:07:18,368 --> 01:07:19,803 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 1568 01:07:23,307 --> 01:07:25,975 SHE'S ON HER DEAL, YOU KNOW? 1569 01:07:26,110 --> 01:07:29,446 [ SLOT MACHINES CLANGING ] 1570 01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:31,681 [ "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING" PLAYS ] 1571 01:07:33,750 --> 01:07:36,486 [ DOOR RATTLING ] 1572 01:07:47,664 --> 01:07:49,666 AREN'T YOU GOING TO HAVE THE OYSTERS? 1573 01:07:49,766 --> 01:07:52,502 THEY ARE AFRO-DILIACS, YOU KNOW? 1574 01:07:52,602 --> 01:07:54,804 [ LAUGHS ] 1575 01:07:59,143 --> 01:08:02,179 SO, CAN I BUY YOU A REAL DRINK? 1576 01:08:04,614 --> 01:08:07,151 YEAH. YEAH. WHY NOT? 1577 01:08:07,217 --> 01:08:12,556 * YOU KEEP SAYIN' YOU'VE GOT SOMETHIN' FOR ME * 1578 01:08:12,656 --> 01:08:18,362 * SOMETHIN' YOU CALL LOVE BUT CONFESS * 1579 01:08:18,462 --> 01:08:20,164 * YOU'VE BEEN A'MESSIN' 1580 01:08:20,230 --> 01:08:23,633 * WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN MESSIN' * 1581 01:08:23,733 --> 01:08:29,506 * NOW SOMEONE ELSE IS GETTIN' ALL OF YOUR BEST * 1582 01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:32,876 * THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN' * 1583 01:08:32,976 --> 01:08:35,812 * AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY'LL DO * 1584 01:08:35,912 --> 01:08:41,418 * ONE OF THESE DAYS THESE BOOTS ARE GONNA WALK ALL OVER YOU * 1585 01:08:43,553 --> 01:08:44,554 [ MACHINE BEEPS ] 1586 01:08:48,525 --> 01:08:51,728 * YEAH 1587 01:08:51,828 --> 01:08:58,101 * YOU KEEP LYIN' WHEN YOU OUGHTA BE TRUTHIN' * 1588 01:08:58,202 --> 01:09:03,773 * YOU KEEP LOSIN' WHEN YOU OUGHTA NOT BET * 1589 01:09:03,873 --> 01:09:09,413 * AND YOU KEEP SAMIN' WHEN YOU OUGHTA BE A'CHANGIN' * 1590 01:09:09,513 --> 01:09:15,051 * WHAT'S RIGHT IS RIGHT BUT YOU AIN'T BEEN RIGHT YET * 1591 01:09:15,219 --> 01:09:18,322 * THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN' * 1592 01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:21,391 * AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY'LL DO * 1593 01:09:21,491 --> 01:09:26,796 * ONE OF THESE DAYS THESE BOOTS ARE GONNA WALK ALL OVER YOU * 1594 01:09:32,602 --> 01:09:35,272 ARE YOU READY, BOOTS? 1595 01:09:35,372 --> 01:09:38,375 START WALKING. 1596 01:09:43,313 --> 01:09:46,250 [ LAUGHING ] 1597 01:09:51,455 --> 01:09:53,089 Tony Orlando: ALL RIGHT, LAY IT ON ME -- 1598 01:09:53,257 --> 01:09:54,558 * OH, MY DARLING 1599 01:09:54,658 --> 01:09:55,559 All: * KNOCK THREE TIMES 1600 01:09:55,659 --> 01:09:58,628 * ON THE CEILING IF YOU WANT ME * 1601 01:09:58,728 --> 01:10:01,097 NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'. KEEP THOSE HANDS TOGETHER NOW. 1602 01:10:01,265 --> 01:10:03,300 * TWICE ON THE PIPE [ KNOCK, KNOCK ] 1603 01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:06,936 * IF THE ANSWER IS NO 1604 01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:08,772 * WHOA, MY SWEETNESS 1605 01:10:08,872 --> 01:10:10,274 [ KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK ] 1606 01:10:10,374 --> 01:10:13,343 * MEANS YOU'LL MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY * 1607 01:10:13,443 --> 01:10:15,279 KEEP IT COMIN', RENO. COME ON NOW. 1608 01:10:15,379 --> 01:10:17,647 * TWICE ON THE PIPE [ KNOCK, KNOCK ] 1609 01:10:17,747 --> 01:10:22,686 * MEANS YOU AIN'T GONNA SHOW 1610 01:10:22,786 --> 01:10:23,920 AHH, WAIT A SECOND. 1611 01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:26,556 DON'T TELL ME THAT BEAUTIFUL LADY'S SITTIN' ALONE. 1612 01:10:26,656 --> 01:10:28,592 WHOO! 1613 01:10:28,692 --> 01:10:30,527 [ AUDIENCE CHEERS ] 1614 01:10:30,627 --> 01:10:32,696 WELCOME. 1615 01:10:32,796 --> 01:10:35,965 * READ HOW MANY TIMES I SAW YOU * 1616 01:10:36,065 --> 01:10:40,136 * I CAN SEE YOUR BODY SWAYIN' 1617 01:10:40,236 --> 01:10:43,873 * YOU'RE ONE FLOOR BELOW ME, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME * 1618 01:10:43,973 --> 01:10:46,310 * BUT I LOVE YOU 1619 01:10:46,410 --> 01:10:48,378 * WHOA, MY DARLIN' 1620 01:10:48,478 --> 01:10:49,546 * KNOCK THREE TIMES 1621 01:10:49,646 --> 01:10:52,682 * ON THE CEILING IF YOU WANT ME * 1622 01:10:52,782 --> 01:10:54,117 ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 1623 01:10:54,318 --> 01:10:55,285 I CAN'T BE ALONE. 1624 01:10:55,385 --> 01:10:57,321 I'M GONNA THROW MYSELF OUT THE DAMN WINDOW. 1625 01:10:57,421 --> 01:10:59,689 I GOTTA TALK TO SOMEBODY. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, CANDY. 1626 01:10:59,789 --> 01:11:02,459 SEE, EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID, I DIDN'T LIKE TO BE ALONE. 1627 01:11:02,559 --> 01:11:04,761 AND I CAN'T BE ALONE RIGHT NOW, AND YOU GOTTA TALK TO ME. 1628 01:11:04,861 --> 01:11:06,496 LET'S -- LET ME SIT HERE JUST FOR A MINUTE. 1629 01:11:06,596 --> 01:11:07,531 JUST TALK TO YOU OR SOMETHIN'. 1630 01:11:07,631 --> 01:11:08,665 I PROMISE, I SWEAR TO GOD, 1631 01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:12,035 I WON'T TRY TO GET THAT MONKEY. I SWEAR TO GOD. 1632 01:11:12,336 --> 01:11:13,370 [ PANTING ] 1633 01:11:13,470 --> 01:11:16,640 [ SNIFFLES ] HE'S CHEATIN' ON ME. 1634 01:11:16,740 --> 01:11:19,976 HUH? ROY IS CHEATIN' ON ME. 1635 01:11:20,076 --> 01:11:21,645 WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? 1636 01:11:21,745 --> 01:11:23,413 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? 1637 01:11:23,513 --> 01:11:27,451 [ SIGHS ] THAT ASSHOLE. 1638 01:11:27,551 --> 01:11:32,456 I SAW HIM DANCIN' WITH SOME PUERTO RICAN SKANK AT THE BAR. 1639 01:11:32,556 --> 01:11:36,560 I KNOW HE IS. [ PANTING ] 1640 01:11:36,660 --> 01:11:39,696 DID SHE HAVE A HAIRY LOWER BACK? 1641 01:11:42,566 --> 01:11:43,533 YEAH. 1642 01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:46,135 LONG, BLACK HAIR? 1643 01:11:46,370 --> 01:11:47,704 UH-HUH. 1644 01:11:47,804 --> 01:11:49,939 A LITTLE PIECE OF DEERSKIN COVERIN' HER TITTIES? 1645 01:11:50,039 --> 01:11:52,676 YEAH. 1646 01:11:52,776 --> 01:11:54,411 THAT AIN'T NO BIG DEAL. 1647 01:11:54,511 --> 01:11:57,647 THAT'S JUST THIS HOOKER THAT'S WORKIN' THE BAR DOWN THERE. 1648 01:11:57,747 --> 01:11:59,716 [ Crying ] A HOOKER? 1649 01:12:03,387 --> 01:12:04,754 [ SOBBING ] 1650 01:12:13,763 --> 01:12:16,533 I GUESS I SAID THE WRONG THING, DIDN'T I? 1651 01:12:16,633 --> 01:12:19,469 [ SOBBING ] 1652 01:12:19,569 --> 01:12:22,606 HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE. 1653 01:12:22,706 --> 01:12:24,641 NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE. 1654 01:12:24,741 --> 01:12:25,875 HONEY, HE LOVES YOU. 1655 01:12:25,975 --> 01:12:27,110 NO, HE DOESN'T. 1656 01:12:27,210 --> 01:12:31,481 MY ROY IS BANGIN' A PUERTO RICAN HOOKER. 1657 01:12:31,581 --> 01:12:32,582 [ SOBBING ] 1658 01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:33,517 I DOUBT IT. 1659 01:12:33,617 --> 01:12:36,019 I THINK SHE'S A LESBIAN ANYWAY, HON. 1660 01:12:36,119 --> 01:12:39,723 SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN. I SAW HER WITH HIM. 1661 01:12:39,823 --> 01:12:40,990 OH, NOW... 1662 01:12:41,090 --> 01:12:43,793 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? 1663 01:12:43,893 --> 01:12:44,994 [ PANTING ] 1664 01:12:45,094 --> 01:12:48,732 'CAUSE WE'RE SHITTY PEOPLE, LONNIE EARL. 1665 01:12:48,832 --> 01:12:50,634 OH, BABY, WE'RE NOT SHITTY PEOPLE. 1666 01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:51,668 WE'RE -- WE'RE NOT. 1667 01:12:51,768 --> 01:12:52,936 WE ARE. 1668 01:12:53,036 --> 01:12:55,539 WE'RE NOT EITHER, BABY. WE'RE NOT SHITTY PEOPLE. 1669 01:12:55,639 --> 01:12:58,508 WE'RE NOT. WE'RE SHITTY PEOPLE. 1670 01:12:58,608 --> 01:12:59,776 OH, HON, YOU KNOW, 1671 01:12:59,876 --> 01:13:01,545 I WAS KIND OF HERE TO TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. 1672 01:13:01,645 --> 01:13:02,746 JESUS H. 1673 01:13:02,846 --> 01:13:04,648 WE'RE SHITTY PEOPLE. 1674 01:13:04,748 --> 01:13:06,115 WHY THE HELL DID I COME BACK? 1675 01:13:06,215 --> 01:13:08,552 WHY DON'T YOU TWO JUST GET A ROOM OF YOUR OWN? 1676 01:13:08,652 --> 01:13:10,286 OR WOULD YOU RATHER ME JUST HANG OUT HERE IN THE HALL 1677 01:13:10,454 --> 01:13:11,588 AND WAIT TILL YOU'RE DONE? 1678 01:13:11,688 --> 01:13:13,322 WHY DON'T YOU COME IN, ROY? 1679 01:13:13,457 --> 01:13:15,492 WE WAS JUST TALKIN' ABOUT YOU. WASN'T WE, CANDY? 1680 01:13:15,592 --> 01:13:16,693 OH, YEAH. 1681 01:13:16,793 --> 01:13:17,927 WELL... 1682 01:13:18,027 --> 01:13:20,830 [ PANTING ] 1683 01:13:20,930 --> 01:13:23,467 DID YOU DO HER? 1684 01:13:23,533 --> 01:13:26,770 DO WHAT? 1685 01:13:26,870 --> 01:13:32,909 DID YOU AND YOUR HOT TAMALE PUERTO RICAN DANCIN' PARTNER DO IT? 1686 01:13:33,009 --> 01:13:35,344 FOR YOUR INFORMATION, 1687 01:13:35,479 --> 01:13:37,481 SHE PREFERS TO BE CALLED A LADY OF THE NIGHT. 1688 01:13:37,514 --> 01:13:40,316 I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE PREFERS TO BE CALLED! 1689 01:13:40,484 --> 01:13:42,819 GOD DAMN IT! QUEEN OF SHEBA! 1690 01:13:42,919 --> 01:13:44,954 I DON'T FUCKIN' CARE! DID YOU DO HER?! 1691 01:13:45,054 --> 01:13:46,355 OH, NOW, YOU WAIT A MINUTE. 1692 01:13:46,490 --> 01:13:47,491 HOW DARE YOU GET YOUR PANTIES IN A WAD 1693 01:13:47,557 --> 01:13:48,892 WHEN IT'S THE TWO OF YOU 1694 01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:50,594 THAT STARTED THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE! 1695 01:13:50,694 --> 01:13:53,096 I BELIEVE I'M JUST GONNA GO BACK OVER HERE TO THE ROOM FOR A WHILE. 1696 01:13:53,196 --> 01:13:56,500 I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T STAND BEIN' ALONE. 1697 01:13:56,600 --> 01:13:58,668 WELL... [ ROY SLURPING ] 1698 01:13:58,768 --> 01:14:00,537 THIS AIN'T NONE OF MY BUSINESS, REALLY, YOU KNOW? 1699 01:14:00,637 --> 01:14:01,871 OH, THE HELL IT AIN'T. 1700 01:14:01,971 --> 01:14:03,507 IT BECAME YOUR BUSINESS WHEN SHE PISSED ON THAT STICK 1701 01:14:03,573 --> 01:14:05,575 AND TURNED THE DAMN THING BLUE. 1702 01:14:05,675 --> 01:14:07,811 OKAY. I'LL STAY. 1703 01:14:07,911 --> 01:14:09,078 I'LL SIT OVER HERE IN THE CHAIR, 1704 01:14:09,178 --> 01:14:10,346 AND Y'ALL CAN JUST YELL AT ME ANY TIME YOU WANT TO. 1705 01:14:10,580 --> 01:14:12,381 ABUSE ME. 1706 01:14:12,516 --> 01:14:15,184 [ CANDY BREATHING HEAVILY ] 1707 01:14:15,519 --> 01:14:16,986 ROY... 1708 01:14:17,086 --> 01:14:19,355 [ SNIFFLES ] 1709 01:14:19,523 --> 01:14:22,391 YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE MAD AT ME. 1710 01:14:22,592 --> 01:14:23,527 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 1711 01:14:23,593 --> 01:14:27,263 BUT DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND FIND 1712 01:14:27,363 --> 01:14:31,200 SOME PUERTO RICAN SKANK TO GET BACK AT ME? 1713 01:14:31,300 --> 01:14:33,402 LORD KNOWS WHAT KIND OF DISEASES SHE MIGHT HAVE, 1714 01:14:33,537 --> 01:14:35,371 AND NOW I'M GONNA HAVE 'EM! 1715 01:14:35,539 --> 01:14:36,940 OH, HO, SWEETHEART. GET BACK AT YOU? 1716 01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:38,542 I WASN'T TRYIN' TO GET BACK AT YOU. 1717 01:14:38,575 --> 01:14:40,076 I WASN'T EVEN THINKIN' OF YOU. 1718 01:14:41,611 --> 01:14:45,615 AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW GOOD THAT FELT? 1719 01:14:45,715 --> 01:14:46,816 HOW MUCH DOES A GIRL LIKE THAT RUN YOU, ROY? 1720 01:14:46,916 --> 01:14:51,420 GOD DAMN IT, LONNIE EARL! IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! 1721 01:14:51,621 --> 01:14:52,556 WELL, I TRIED TO LEAVE. 1722 01:14:52,622 --> 01:14:54,591 [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] 1723 01:14:54,691 --> 01:14:56,392 I'LL TELL YOU... 1724 01:14:56,560 --> 01:14:58,628 SHE DIDN'T COST ME A DAMN DIME. 1725 01:14:58,728 --> 01:15:00,564 AND YOU KNOW WHY? 1726 01:15:00,630 --> 01:15:03,633 'CAUSE SHE REALLY LIKED ME FOR ME. 1727 01:15:03,733 --> 01:15:07,571 SHE -- SHE THOUGHT I WAS A REAL GOOD GUY, YOU KNOW? 1728 01:15:07,604 --> 01:15:10,574 AND THAT I DID NOT DESERVE A WIFE AND A BEST FRIEND 1729 01:15:10,674 --> 01:15:12,241 TO DO ME THE WAY YOU TWO DID. 1730 01:15:12,341 --> 01:15:14,410 SHE THOUGHT THAT I DESERVED 1731 01:15:14,578 --> 01:15:16,445 A HELL OF A LOT MORE RESPECT, 1732 01:15:16,580 --> 01:15:19,248 AND, BY GOD, SHE WAS RIGHT. 1733 01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:20,684 'CAUSE I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE. 1734 01:15:20,784 --> 01:15:23,687 I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEIN' TREATED 1735 01:15:23,787 --> 01:15:25,855 LIKE EVERYBODY'S LITTLE PUNCHIN' BAG. 1736 01:15:25,955 --> 01:15:27,857 I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. 1737 01:15:27,957 --> 01:15:30,794 AND I AIN'T GONNA STAND HERE AND TAKE IT NO MORE. 1738 01:15:30,894 --> 01:15:32,428 AS OF RIGHT NOW, 1739 01:15:32,596 --> 01:15:35,164 ROY KIRKENDALL IS DEMANDIN' YOUR UTMOST RESPECT, 1740 01:15:35,264 --> 01:15:36,499 AND HE'S GONNA GET IT 1741 01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:38,501 OR THERE'S GONNA BE HELL TO PAY, I PROMISE YOU. 1742 01:15:38,602 --> 01:15:40,403 I'M GONNA KICK SOME ASS AND TAKE SOME NAMES. 1743 01:15:40,604 --> 01:15:41,437 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 1744 01:15:41,638 --> 01:15:43,472 I RESPECT YOU, ROY. 1745 01:15:43,673 --> 01:15:45,609 [ CANDY EXHALES DEEPLY ] 1746 01:15:45,642 --> 01:15:48,077 DARLENE, I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU, HONEY. 1747 01:15:48,177 --> 01:15:49,112 HOLY... 1748 01:15:49,212 --> 01:15:50,113 DON'T COME NEAR ME. 1749 01:15:50,213 --> 01:15:51,214 GOD. 1750 01:15:51,314 --> 01:15:54,217 YOU'LL SPOIL MY AURA. YOUR WHAT? 1751 01:15:54,317 --> 01:15:57,453 WELL, CAN'T YOU SEE IT? IT'S ALL AROUND ME. 1752 01:15:57,621 --> 01:15:59,656 IT'S A BIG OL' CLOUD OF SELF-ESTEEM. 1753 01:15:59,756 --> 01:16:01,925 AND TONY ORLANDO GAVE IT TO ME. 1754 01:16:02,025 --> 01:16:02,992 HA HA. 1755 01:16:03,092 --> 01:16:05,094 [ Laughing ] DARLENE, YOU -- 1756 01:16:05,194 --> 01:16:07,096 YOU LOOK -- 1757 01:16:07,196 --> 01:16:09,766 YOU LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO PUT IN A J.C. PENNEY WINDOW. 1758 01:16:09,866 --> 01:16:11,901 WELL, THANK YOU, BUBBA. 1759 01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:18,742 [ BREATHES HEAVILY ] 1760 01:16:20,777 --> 01:16:23,379 YOU MET TONY ORLANDO? 1761 01:16:23,647 --> 01:16:25,214 [ LAUGHS ] 1762 01:16:25,314 --> 01:16:31,287 NO...BUT HE SANG RIGHT TO ME. 1763 01:16:34,724 --> 01:16:38,828 YOU REALLY DID LOOK PRETTY TONIGHT, DARLENE. 1764 01:16:44,701 --> 01:16:48,872 I ACTUALLY FELT PRETTY TONIGHT, CANDY. 1765 01:17:01,084 --> 01:17:04,688 [ SNIFFLING, CLEARS THROAT ] 1766 01:17:08,758 --> 01:17:10,293 OH! 1767 01:17:11,995 --> 01:17:12,862 [ DOOR OPENS ] 1768 01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:15,331 RISE AND SHINE. 1769 01:17:15,431 --> 01:17:18,034 2:15. BREAKFAST TIME. 1770 01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:19,703 UP, UP, UP, GENTLEMEN. 1771 01:17:19,803 --> 01:17:23,707 * COME ON OUT OF BED, SLEEPYHEAD * 1772 01:17:23,740 --> 01:17:25,875 * GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING * 1773 01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:28,244 RISE AND SHINE. FEET ON THE FLOOR. 1774 01:17:28,344 --> 01:17:29,278 GOOD MORNING, MEN. 1775 01:17:29,378 --> 01:17:31,715 WAKEY, WAKEY, HAND OFF SNAKEY. 1776 01:17:31,781 --> 01:17:34,017 I'M HERE ON ORDERS FROM DARLENE DODD. 1777 01:17:34,117 --> 01:17:36,252 BREAKFAST IS BEING SERVED. 1778 01:17:36,352 --> 01:17:38,054 PLEASE JOIN ME, WON'T YOU? 1779 01:17:38,154 --> 01:17:39,355 MISS CANDY... 1780 01:17:39,455 --> 01:17:40,957 IT'S BREAKFAST TIME. 1781 01:17:41,057 --> 01:17:42,325 WON'T YOU JOIN US, PLEASE? 1782 01:17:42,425 --> 01:17:43,793 [ GROANS ] 1783 01:17:43,893 --> 01:17:45,561 UH. 1784 01:17:45,729 --> 01:17:48,564 UH, ROY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE EGGS BENEDICT. 1785 01:17:48,732 --> 01:17:50,299 UH, AND EGGS FLORENTINE -- 1786 01:17:50,399 --> 01:17:52,736 NO COFFEE FOR THE LADY WHO IS WITH CHILD. 1787 01:17:52,802 --> 01:17:56,372 AND THIS ONE IS FOR -- LET'S SEE, HOW DID SHE PUT IT? -- 1788 01:17:56,472 --> 01:18:01,344 UM, THE WHORE DOG WHO SELLS CARS IN MILLSBERG. 1789 01:18:01,444 --> 01:18:03,880 DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER. OKAY. 1790 01:18:03,980 --> 01:18:07,150 UH, THE BILL'S BEEN TAKEN CARE OF BY YOU, MR. DODD. 1791 01:18:07,250 --> 01:18:10,086 [ SIGHS ] I HOPE YOU'VE HAD A PLEASANT STAY WITH US, 1792 01:18:10,186 --> 01:18:13,189 AND I WISH THAT I COULD SAY I HOPE YOU'LL RETURN SOON, 1793 01:18:13,289 --> 01:18:15,324 BUT...I'D BE LYING. 1794 01:18:15,424 --> 01:18:17,393 [ SIGHS ] OKAY. GOODBYE. 1795 01:18:17,493 --> 01:18:18,594 H-HANG ON A MINUTE. 1796 01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:20,163 OH, NO, NO, PLEASE. 1797 01:18:20,263 --> 01:18:22,598 DON'T GIVE ME YOUR DOLLAR. 1798 01:18:22,766 --> 01:18:26,535 I'VE BEEN MOST PLEASANTLY TAKEN CARE OF BY DARLENE. 1799 01:18:26,770 --> 01:18:27,536 SHE'S QUITE A WOMAN. 1800 01:18:27,636 --> 01:18:31,440 ALL RIGHT. WHORE DOG, ALL, GOOD DAY. 1801 01:18:33,777 --> 01:18:35,611 I DON'T LIKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER. 1802 01:18:35,779 --> 01:18:37,613 I WASN'T GONNA TIP THE SON OF A BITCH ANYWAY. 1803 01:18:37,781 --> 01:18:39,082 [ CHUCKLING ] [ CANDY CRUNCHING ] 1804 01:18:39,182 --> 01:18:41,650 THIS SAYS "MEET ME AT THE MONSTER TRUCK JAM." 1805 01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:42,551 [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 1806 01:18:42,786 --> 01:18:44,620 [ AUDIENCE CHEERS ] 1807 01:18:44,788 --> 01:18:46,622 Announcer: THE QUESTION I HAVE TO ASK NOW -- 1808 01:18:46,790 --> 01:18:50,159 IS ANYBODY READY TO SEE SOME MONSTER TRUCK RACING? 1809 01:18:50,259 --> 01:18:52,328 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1810 01:18:52,428 --> 01:18:55,164 OKAY! LET'S DO IT! 1811 01:18:55,264 --> 01:18:56,299 [ TRUCK ENGINES REVVING ] 1812 01:18:56,399 --> 01:18:57,300 [ THUD ] 1813 01:18:57,400 --> 01:18:59,468 [ REVVING CONTINUES ] 1814 01:18:59,803 --> 01:19:00,804 [ THUD ] 1815 01:19:05,341 --> 01:19:07,143 [ CHEERING ] 1816 01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:09,445 [ COUNTRY MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1817 01:19:18,988 --> 01:19:20,023 HEY, BABY. 1818 01:19:20,123 --> 01:19:20,990 HEY. 1819 01:19:21,090 --> 01:19:23,459 [ INDISTINCT CHEERING ] 1820 01:19:23,559 --> 01:19:24,894 JUST IN TIME FOR THE BIG EVENT. 1821 01:19:24,994 --> 01:19:27,630 [ CHEERING CONTINUES ] 1822 01:19:27,897 --> 01:19:29,432 WHOO! 1823 01:19:32,902 --> 01:19:34,303 WOW. 1824 01:19:34,403 --> 01:19:36,405 Man: WHOO! 1825 01:19:36,505 --> 01:19:38,007 [ ENGINES REVVING ] 1826 01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:39,542 [ CRASH ] 1827 01:19:39,843 --> 01:19:40,944 LOOK AT THAT. 1828 01:19:41,044 --> 01:19:43,279 BOY, WE GOT EXCITING MONSTER TRUCK ACTION TONIGHT! 1829 01:19:43,379 --> 01:19:45,514 HONEY, I KNOW I'VE BEEN AN ASSHOLE. 1830 01:19:45,614 --> 01:19:47,216 I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA DO BETTER. 1831 01:19:47,316 --> 01:19:49,853 IT'D JUST TEAR ME TO PIECES IF SOMETHIN' HAPPENED TO US. 1832 01:19:49,953 --> 01:19:53,456 I'D RATHER GET RUN OVER BY ONE OF THEM DAMN TRUCKS OUT THERE THAN LOSE YOU. 1833 01:19:53,556 --> 01:19:55,424 [ RICHARD STRAUSS' "ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA" PLAYS ] 1834 01:19:55,524 --> 01:19:57,460 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME TO RENO, 1835 01:19:57,560 --> 01:20:00,196 A TRUCK-CHOMPING, GODZILLA-OF-A-BEAST MACHINE... 1836 01:20:02,198 --> 01:20:04,400 [ WHOOSH ] 1837 01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:09,272 GIVE IT UP, RENO, FOR ROBOSAURUS! 1838 01:20:09,372 --> 01:20:12,308 [ "ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA" CONTINUES ] 1839 01:20:12,408 --> 01:20:14,243 [ HISSING ] 1840 01:20:14,343 --> 01:20:17,146 [ AUDIENCE CHEERING ] 1841 01:20:17,246 --> 01:20:19,048 WHOO! 1842 01:20:19,148 --> 01:20:20,683 [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 1843 01:20:20,950 --> 01:20:22,685 WHOO! 1844 01:20:22,886 --> 01:20:24,453 [ CHEERING CONTINUES ] 1845 01:20:26,622 --> 01:20:28,491 [ "ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA" CONTINUES ] 1846 01:20:28,591 --> 01:20:31,160 SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, PEOPLE? 1847 01:20:31,260 --> 01:20:33,629 WE SACRIFICED A NEW CAR! 1848 01:20:33,829 --> 01:20:35,131 [ CHEERING CONTINUES ] 1849 01:20:35,231 --> 01:20:37,266 YEAH! 1850 01:20:37,366 --> 01:20:38,834 WHOO! 1851 01:20:42,471 --> 01:20:44,673 [ Laughing ] OH, NO. 1852 01:20:44,908 --> 01:20:46,342 HA HA! 1853 01:20:46,442 --> 01:20:47,376 HA HA HA HA. 1854 01:20:47,476 --> 01:20:49,512 GO, BABY! 1855 01:20:54,984 --> 01:20:57,586 [ GLASS BREAKING, METAL CRUNCHING ] 1856 01:20:58,955 --> 01:21:02,425 LONNIE EARL, SO MUCH FOR THAT CORINTHIAN LEATHER, HUH? 1857 01:21:13,937 --> 01:21:16,139 [ CHEERING CONTINUES ] 1858 01:21:16,239 --> 01:21:17,140 [ ROY WHISTLES ] 1859 01:21:17,240 --> 01:21:18,341 GO! 1860 01:21:18,441 --> 01:21:19,608 WHOOOO! 1861 01:21:24,247 --> 01:21:27,416 [ WHIRRING ] 1862 01:21:27,516 --> 01:21:28,551 HE'S GONNA EAT IT. 1863 01:21:28,651 --> 01:21:30,553 [ INDISTINCT CHEERING ] 1864 01:21:38,995 --> 01:21:41,297 [ GLASS BREAKING, METAL CRUNCHING ] 1865 01:21:45,501 --> 01:21:46,602 [ METAL SCREECHING ] 1866 01:21:46,702 --> 01:21:49,038 [ Laughing ] OH, NO. 1867 01:21:49,138 --> 01:21:51,607 UH, LONNIE EARL, HOW ARE WE GONNA GET HOME? 1868 01:21:51,707 --> 01:21:54,277 [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 1869 01:21:54,377 --> 01:21:57,813 NOW, TONIGHT'S FULLY LOADED, DEALER-EXCLUSIVE OFFERING 1870 01:21:57,981 --> 01:22:02,251 WAS GENEROUSLY DONATED BY A MR. LONNIE EARL DODD 1871 01:22:02,351 --> 01:22:04,720 OF LONNIE EARL DODD CHEVROLET! 1872 01:22:04,988 --> 01:22:06,555 [ GLASS BREAKING ] 1873 01:22:06,655 --> 01:22:07,756 [ METAL SCREECHING ] 1874 01:22:07,991 --> 01:22:10,559 [ CRASHING ] 1875 01:22:10,659 --> 01:22:12,595 OHH! 1876 01:22:16,465 --> 01:22:18,634 IF YOU CAN'T TRUST LONNIE EARL, 1877 01:22:18,734 --> 01:22:20,569 WHO CAN YOU TRUST? 1878 01:22:20,669 --> 01:22:23,472 LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR LONNIE EARL! 1879 01:22:23,572 --> 01:22:26,175 [ ROARING ] 1880 01:22:26,275 --> 01:22:30,213 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1881 01:22:35,218 --> 01:22:38,354 Darlene: I SAW THESE TWO COUPLES ON THE "JERRY SPRINGER" SHOW 1882 01:22:38,454 --> 01:22:41,190 THAT SCREWED UP A HELL OF A LOT WORSE THAN WE DID. 1883 01:22:41,290 --> 01:22:44,093 AND I FIGURED IF THEY CAN MAKE UP BY THE END OF THE SHOW, 1884 01:22:44,193 --> 01:22:46,329 IN TIME, MAYBE WE COULD, TOO. 1885 01:22:46,429 --> 01:22:48,864 Lonnie Earl: YOU NEED ANY HELP WITH THAT, ROY? 1886 01:22:49,032 --> 01:22:52,268 BUT I GUESS LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS THAT SIMPLE. 1887 01:22:52,368 --> 01:22:57,040 SO WE ALL DECIDED WE'D BETTER LEAVE WHAT HAD HAPPENED BACK IN RENO. 1888 01:22:57,106 --> 01:23:00,209 WHILE THE BABY ISSUE'S STILL STUCK IN EVERYONE'S CRAW... 1889 01:23:00,309 --> 01:23:02,945 ROY SAID THAT IF HE HAD TO DROP 2 GRAND AT A SPERM BANK 1890 01:23:03,046 --> 01:23:04,880 TO BUY SOME STRANGER'S SEED, 1891 01:23:05,048 --> 01:23:08,051 HE THOUGHT IT SEEMED BETTER TO GET IT FROM HIS BEST FRIEND. 1892 01:23:08,151 --> 01:23:12,521 WE ALL JUST WISHED LONNIE EARL HAD MADE THE DEPOSIT IN A CUP. 1893 01:23:20,663 --> 01:23:24,067 BUT YOU REALIZE TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS, 1894 01:23:24,133 --> 01:23:27,070 AND REAL FRIENDS ENDURE TOUGH TIMES. 1895 01:23:27,170 --> 01:23:30,673 AND THAT'S WHAT WE ARE -- REAL FRIENDS. 1896 01:23:30,773 --> 01:23:32,508 ROY... 1897 01:23:36,179 --> 01:23:41,150 I WANTED TO TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. 1898 01:23:42,285 --> 01:23:45,154 I LOVE YOU. 1899 01:23:46,589 --> 01:23:47,790 I KNOW. 1900 01:23:48,091 --> 01:23:48,991 NO. 1901 01:23:49,092 --> 01:23:51,560 I MEAN, I REALLY LOVE YOU. 1902 01:24:02,305 --> 01:24:05,574 [ THE KINLEYS' "I'M IN" PLAYS ] 1903 01:24:05,674 --> 01:24:08,111 * AHH 1904 01:24:10,346 --> 01:24:15,118 * LOVE DOESN'T COME WITH A CONTRACT * 1905 01:24:15,184 --> 01:24:16,585 [ SIGHS, SNIFFLES ] 1906 01:24:18,121 --> 01:24:22,758 * YOU GIVE ME THIS, I GIVE YOU THAT * 1907 01:24:25,794 --> 01:24:29,632 * IT'S SCARY BUSINESS 1908 01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:33,436 * WHEN YOUR HEART AND SOUL IS ON THE LINE * 1909 01:24:33,536 --> 01:24:36,605 * BABY, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE 1910 01:24:36,705 --> 01:24:40,409 * STANDING 'ROUND HERE SO TONGUE-TIED? * 1911 01:24:40,509 --> 01:24:43,479 * IF I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOIN' 1912 01:24:43,579 --> 01:24:47,483 * I'D BE DOING IT RIGHT NOW 1913 01:24:47,583 --> 01:24:51,287 * I WOULD BE THE BEST DAMN POET * 1914 01:24:51,387 --> 01:24:55,558 * SILVER WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH * 1915 01:24:55,658 --> 01:24:58,727 * WELL, MY WORDS MIGHT NOT BE MAGIC * 1916 01:24:58,827 --> 01:25:03,799 * BUT THEY CUT STRAIGHT TO THE TRUTH * 1917 01:25:03,899 --> 01:25:10,206 * SO IF YOU NEED A LOVER AND A FRIEND * 1918 01:25:10,306 --> 01:25:14,177 * BABY, I'M...BABY I'M... BABY I'M IN * 1919 01:25:14,243 --> 01:25:17,413 Darlene: OH, AND GOOD NEWS -- CANDY HAD A 9-POUND BABY BOY. 1920 01:25:17,513 --> 01:25:20,015 THE SPITTIN' IMAGE OF ROY. 1921 01:25:20,183 --> 01:25:22,818 CANDY INSISTED THEY NAME HIM GUNTHER. 1922 01:25:22,918 --> 01:25:26,322 AND AFTER TWO MORE BABIES, THERE WAS NO DEBATIN' IT -- 1923 01:25:26,422 --> 01:25:29,057 ROY'S TADPOLES WERE MOST DEFINITELY SWIMMIN'. 1924 01:25:29,192 --> 01:25:31,860 AS FOR US, LONNIE EARL FINALLY AGREED 1925 01:25:31,960 --> 01:25:34,297 TO SEE THAT MARRIAGE COUNSELOR IN LITTLE ROCK. 1926 01:25:34,397 --> 01:25:36,432 AND SINCE THEN, THINGS HAVE BEEN LOOKIN' UP. 1927 01:25:36,532 --> 01:25:39,835 I'VE BEEN TAKIN' A MORE ACTIVE ROLE IN THE FAMILY BUSINESS. 1928 01:25:39,935 --> 01:25:42,571 AND YOU'D BE SURPRISED WHAT IT'S DONE FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM, 1929 01:25:42,671 --> 01:25:44,407 NOT TO MENTION OUR SALES. 1930 01:25:44,507 --> 01:25:46,575 I GUARANTEE YOU, WE WON'T BE UNDERSOLD BY ANYBODY. 1931 01:25:46,675 --> 01:25:48,511 AND IF YOU CAN'T TRUST OL' LONNIE EARL... 1932 01:25:48,611 --> 01:25:50,213 THEN YOU CAN TRUST DARLENE. 1933 01:25:50,313 --> 01:25:51,514 HI, I'M DARLENE DODD 1934 01:25:51,614 --> 01:25:54,550 INVITIN' YOU TO COME ON DOWN TO LONNIE EARL DODD CHEVROLET, 1935 01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:56,352 WHERE YOU'LL FIND THE BEST DEALS EVER. 1936 01:25:56,452 --> 01:25:59,255 SO SWING BY LONNIE EARL DODD DODGE AND CHEVY 1937 01:25:59,355 --> 01:26:01,457 AND SAY HELLO TO RONNIE THE ROOSTER HERE 1938 01:26:01,557 --> 01:26:03,359 OR TRY YOUR LUCK WITH TRUDY. 1939 01:26:03,459 --> 01:26:05,228 RIGHT NOW, WE'VE GOT A REALLY GREAT DEAL 1940 01:26:05,328 --> 01:26:06,429 ON A USED MAROON SUBURBAN, 1941 01:26:06,529 --> 01:26:07,696 SO COME ON OVER. 1942 01:26:07,796 --> 01:26:10,299 AND JUST REMEMBER, IF YOU CAN'T TRUST LONNIE EARL, 1943 01:26:10,399 --> 01:26:12,668 YOU CAN TRUST DARLENE. 1944 01:26:14,270 --> 01:26:17,240 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 1945 01:26:47,770 --> 01:26:50,839 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1946 01:27:22,705 --> 01:27:26,342 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1947 01:28:13,522 --> 01:28:16,559 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1948 01:29:13,015 --> 01:29:16,419 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1949 01:30:12,608 --> 01:30:14,643 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 1950 01:30:51,580 --> 01:30:54,116 [ MUSIC ENDS ] 133183

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