Original subtitles

"For Gino and Eduardo" "

IL CYCLONE - Love and Sex

This moped was registered in my name in 1979...

It was the flair in my life.

It had never broken down or been damaged.

Never. For heaven's sake!

Despite this fact, there had been clear indications that it should have been scrap.

Like when speeding with five friends to celebrate Italy's win in the...

1982 World Cup, or when we were carrying two pitchers...

one with wine and one with oil for Don Luigi...

and when in haste a valve got stuck...

and we left the motor to cool down due to overheating...

to see how much long its motor would last.

But above all, it survived the arrival of the new style of moped...

these monsters with black chassis, that can reach 130 kph on an uphill...

and 160...going downhill...

with these strange names: MKV ...

WWKK, KKWWF. How did they ever come up with them? As if the name protects you. with these strange names: MKV ...

WWKK, KKWWF. How did they ever come up with them? As if the name protects you.

I want to die with my moped...

it fears nothing, and it has always beaten everyone else.

But during the cyclone of 1996...

it was threatened.

Since a cyclone...

comes without warning, passes through, takes everything and leaves...

and the only thing that we can do to try and understand...

is to say that it never happened, or even that things could have been worse.

But if I can pay 19% property taxes, and another 10% on products...

remembering that provision of 9% and the discount of 10 minus 9.

Carlina, there is a provision that prohibits. that...

but you said no to valuating everything at 19...

and subsequently, by withholding the tax payment...

whatever comes three months later at 15%...

therefore it has the loss of 27 for business profit of?...

Fifty! Fifty, come on. Ten!

It's like having six products...

On five you consider four...

after three months, one is free.

Are you sure?

Carlina. What did I get it math? Nine.

-And you? -Four.

-What did you get in Italian? Nine.

-And me? -Four

You write Italian love letters and I'll handle the management.

But you never respond to any of those love letters.

Carlina, don't start.

Don't start. Don't start. But that time you came with your girlfriend, you couldn't take your eyes off me.

What? We swapped one or two kisses so that she'd be jealous.

And in the parking lot?

Supposedly, you have engaged first gear, but istead of going forward, you had engaged reverse and smashed into another car.

You tried to fondle me!

I was trying to brake.

And what about our love gesture?

Which 'love gesture'?

Carlina, we were piss drunk!

You are a heartless man.

Always calculations and practical exercises.

Anyways...

Sooner or later, you'll come back to your Carlina.

Take these as a thank you, madam.

-They are free with your groceries. -Thank you.

You're welcome.

And then Mr Mammolitti comes by...

and he always buys his 25,500 lire worth of items.

Levante, what time is it exactly?

It's half past nine.

Nine-thirty. Nine-thirty.

If Maestro. Natali comes by, he'll buy three olive oil breads ...

a tube of mayonnaise...

God knows what he does with a single tune of mayonnaise a day.

And an apple for his grandson.

One, two...make it three.

Welcome, Mastro. Natali!

-Good morning Nello! -Good morning Maestro.

-I'd like three olive oil breads. -Three olive oil breads.

A tube of...of...

- Anchovie paste? -No a tube of...

What's it called?...

-Marmelade? -No...come on.

A tube of mayonnaise.

A tube of mayonnaise for Mastro Natali.

And I'd like an apple for my grandson.

-Or maybe two. Let's make it three. -Let's make it three. Here you go.

-You had everything ready? -So we don't waste time.

Put it on my tab.

Goodbyte Mastro Natali!

And now watch.

Hello. Want some lottery tickets?

Hello. Want some lottery tickets?

This is my life.

For the last four years, I've done the administrative work...

and the accounting for about 40% of the people here...

I was born to write in numbers and do caclulations.

I have a life that is...let's say...mathematical.

For me, life always has a meaning.

A equals B, just like you and me.

Some people make fun of me becuase of this.

In a small town, whatever you do characterizes you.

Levante, what's the first name of that rock star Zaniki?

Eva. Her name is Eva.

-What's wrong Franca? -Nothing, nothing.

-And the bandage? -I got hurt with Pipo.

Everyone knows that he's a fool, and that he has a dirty mind.

Come on Franca, with Pipo?

Oh, you too? You're acting like my mother.

Then find me a boyfriend!

Hello. Want some lottery tickets?

Pipo?

I'm here.

Is my moped ready?

It's ready. I made up a receipt on a piece of paper. Everyone seems to be worried about their receipts.

If you hear any noises, check the air.

Check out December.

-What would you do if you had her? -What would I do?

I'd give her a Christmas present.

Is that it? I'd give her an Easter present too.

June...what hair do you dye?

It says here that you changed all these things in a day?

I worked all night.

But you were with Franca. She told me.

She remembers our meeting?

What did you do to her? She had a bandage on her head.

A cut! A cut! Look a this. A cut.

What happened?

I'll tell you but I also have to show you.

We were in the car...

the night, springtime, crickets, aromas...

she wanted to have sex in the car. I told her she was crazy.

Then I heard the call of nature.

When nature calls a man, a man responds.

So, we get out, and she goes opposite the car, and I...

put myself in 'pole position'. Let me show you.

-I understand. -Mamma Mia. So uptight...Eh!

You're not my type, but it doesn't matter.

Now...the complexity of the matter...

I place my left foot to get some leverage, yeah?...

and I slip on the dirt road, and she falls and hits her head on the fender.

I tried to catch her, since I'm not a bad person...

but I stopped and looked at her. You know, I'm not an animal.

-I'm telling the truth. -Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah...

So I get back to the job...

-Pipo, a customer.

It's over here.

Your grandson's scooter is ready.

Don't worry, I didn't get it pregnant.

Levante!

What's up, Gino?

Did you hear about Franca and Pipo?

That she got hurt?

-On the fender. -Where?

On the fender!

This is life in a small town. There are no secrets. News flies.

Everyone knows everything.

But the next day, no one cares.

I was born here, it's my birthplace.

Too many explanations aren't needed.

So that you understand, just think of a family farm.

Tuscany. Italy, of course.

we live here with my father, my brother and my sister.

we always meet at 12:30...

and at 7:30 for dinner.

Always at the best times.

Stop! Don't anybody move! Dad is creating a field.

Libero. Why do we need to become statues to watch television?

-If you even think about moving, it goes bad.

Aw fuck it...Also the call charges reach 300,000 lire.

We'll manage.

This place is like the Bermuda Triangle.

Not even a mobile phone works here.

One of these days, it might ring.

-If only. -Here we are isolated from the world.

Far away from everything!

For me, it's enough to just read the newspaper.

I'll get it! I'll get it!

Love, huh?

Love is like the moon...

It waxes and then it wanes.

Very beautiful. Do you have more?

Gladly.

When a woman talks to other women about sex...

she looks downward if what she says is true. When a woman talks to other women about sex...

she looks downward if what she says is true.

You're a little tired. Go to bed.

Go. Go.

Goodnight.

Selvaggia, is this your necklace?

-Throw it away! -Why?

Because.

Who gave you this?

You're fighting? Again? I don't know what to do with you.

-Give me some advice. -I told you. Break up.

Talk softly. I don't want...

-I don't know what to tell you. -What should I do?

I just told you.

-You're stubborn. -I know.

Do you know what dad said?

"Why hasn't your sister brought someone home? She's pretty."

I'm sure he wasn't thinking of Isabella.

You're a good girl. You have a strong personality.

End it.

-Find something else. -I'm a coward.

I can't make the decision.

It bothers me to always see you in this situation.

You're always nervous and on edge.

Find someone else.

-Where? -Yes, where?

Pilgrims!

Come and see. I'm finished. Pilgrims!

Come and see. I'm finished.

"Is there a God?"

-Look. The most beautiful thing I've done.

Libero, it's beautiful, but...

Why don't you try using other colors?

I just did another painting.

But, it's very intimate, very personal.

-Show us. -Do it. -Are you sure?

Because you asked.

This is titled...

It's very special...

It's something...

Metaphysical...

"Self Portrait".

Look under the bed.

-Is there a body inside? -There will be when the time comes.

-Whose idea was this? -Gino's.

But, I wanted it as well. It's supposed to bring luck.

-Who gave it to you? -I bought it from Fabrizio.

I did it to help him too. He hasn't sold any.

In the United States they've all bought them already. It must be a big campaign.

In truth, Libero, you are not normal.

Last time, he tried to put the cat in the refrigerator.

She was overheating.

Why don't you get in the fridge.

I tried to. I didn't fit.

Dad!

It's starting to pick up a signal.

If you leave the door open, I won't be able to sleep.

There's lots of signal here.

Maybe his snoring is creating reverberations.

Let's turn him on his side.

Come on.

He's so heavy.

Finally. Goodnight.

'night.

And that's that.

The signal is gone.

Goodnight dad.

When did you spray them last?

Two weeks ago.

-You're crazy! -Why?

How many times have I told you to spray every other day?

-Are you sure? -I think the chemicals have affected you.

Do what I say, or do as you please?

Do what I say, or do as you please, what?

See you later, dummy.

I'll spray every two hours.

Levante, what's up?

How old are you?

Seventy-seven!

And how do you feel?

Very well!

I saw the coffin!

Go fuck yourself!

You can't sing! You can't sing. It's like you've never even heard the music!

You'll be in the choir...

But you'll only mouth the words like a fish...

you'll open and close your mouth

-But you won't sing. -But I *can* sing. Listen to this!

Go.

-Few understand the choir. -Certainly.

I am the only one in the town with any flame of artistry.

Remeber, that I am a mezzosoprano and I sang at the San Carlo in Naples.

I came to tell you that as of today...

-I am no longer your accountant. -Why?

Beyond the fact that you leave me notes saying 'Ciao, BI-RI-BI', ."PI-RI-PI-TI-HOUA'..

'PI-RI-PI-TI-LA' and really I don't remember. Anyhow...that's it.

What happened?

What happened, Carlina, bills are always emerging!

Look. Three and a half thousand for herbs.

Two and a half thousand for thyme.

And 6,500 for propolis!

With six thousand in propolis you can bury the whole town.

After that, the costs...

Everyone has random expenses, but yours are all black.

Black. One or two.

But it's a crime, Carlina.

-They're going to put both of us in a cell. -Together?

Carlina, you have eight months to pay the VAT. Eight months.

The government wants its money. What are you going to tell them?

I will tell them to give me more. How the torture me like this.

They want this, they can want it. I can say no, I want that. I will tell them to give me more. How the torture me like this.

They want this, they can want it. I can say no, I want that.

Carlina, it's a crime!

A crime! A crime! Think of something more serious.

Hi Isabella. About Selvaggia...

I'm going to the bank. I'll be back.

-Everything OK? -What do you mean?

...in general

In general, everything is fine.

Good. When everything is generally good, that's good.

It's stuffy in here.

This heat.

Is there a pill for the heat.

I like your sister very much...

But we can't continue to hide.

Isabella, think reasonably. It's a small town. People have prejudices.

I don't give a shit about people's prejudices.

True shame is in wearing shame.

-But it's not a question of shame. -Correct.

So then why didn't you tell your father?

Because he won't understand.

Hypocrites! Everyone! I told my father when I was fifteen.

And he forgave me. I carried it for three years.

But forgive me for what? As if homosexuality were a deadly sin.

You have the right to come out. It's ok to be gay.

Excuse me but this was a personal conversation...

and we were in fact speaking generally.

Tell Selvagia that I can't take it anymore.

She can't hide between two lives...

We have to come out into the light of the sun.

Come out into the light of the sun!

What the fuck do you care?

Last night I saw 'Basic Instinct" for the fourth time.

Imagine that the woman was on this boat, and she was wearing this dress...

that conformed to her body all the way down, with cuts in the sides...

not too small, very stylish...

and of course completely white...

-That sounds like a mummy. -A mummy?

She was stunning. An outfit like that would look good on me.

Help me with this please.

Today I can't do anything with this hand.

Today you can't, but yesterday you could.

Stupid. Today you can't, but yesterday you could.

Stupid.

Was there mayhem between you two again?

Yesterday at my house, I sat her down on the washing machine...

and it started to work...

Did you make sure to use fabric softener?

Fabric softener? Washing powder!

Both of you are pigs, one worse than the other.

At this opportunity, my darling, are you available this evening?

I wouldn't go with you, not even for a million dollars.

You know that for a million dollars, you'd have to give me a present too, understand?

And afterwards if you are remorseful, you can go to church for communion.

You're such an animal

Yeah, a stallion! RAWR!

I'll be back right away, Lele!

Who's there? Who's there?

Is that you Levante?

I don't recognize the car!

You are mistaken!

I'm not this Levante.

Then who are you?

What does *he* want?

-Who's there? -Let's go!

Well?

I'm going to make a phonecall. Don't unload the luggage.

-Excuse me. Good Evening.

Who are you?

Excuse me, I'm looking for the Arkobaleno.

-We must look like idiots. -The gentleman is looking for the hotel.

Yes, the agriturismo Akrobaleno.

It's past the hill.

-It's what? -It's past the hill. It's past the hill.

-It's what? -It's past the hill.

The hill? Where is that?

-Hill, the hill . -Show him. He doesn't understand

Come, I'll show you.

-Thank you. Excuse me. I'm lost. It happens sometimes.

Goodnight. Bon appetit. Thank you.

Follow the dirt road. When you reach the asphalt turn right.

Not at the first intersection, but at the second will you turn right.

You'll know the second intersection because on the left is a little Madonna...

A little Madonna...

The small Madonna, and then?

Yes, on the left a small Madonna...

And then...you must go...

if you get lost...

you can ask directions from the Madonna herself...

anways...you have a telephone...

Can we call the agriturismo...

and tell them to wait for us tonight?

Can you show the man to the telephone?

Come with me.

(Bad Spanish) No...You are mithtaken. We are not agriturithmo.

We are, how do you say...

Thith our farm.

You don't need to add a 'th' to speak Spanish.

She understands.

Do you underthand?...

I speak Thpanith not perfect.

WHATH ARE YOU DOING HERE?

-Um...my 'frater'... -No, that'th Latin.

What my brother wants say is he asking what you doing in Italy.

Mamma Mia, Flamenco Dancers!

You are from Madrid?

Catalana?

What does Catalana mean?

You don't know? It's a way of speaking...

It's like saying your from Atalanta, Sampdoria, etc.

We live here but we were born in Florence.

Oh God, everything is going wrong today.

You wanted to stop to eat something because you are on a 'natural' diet...

But now that we have stopped, our rooms have been given to others.

In reality, someone else is sleeping in our rooms.

Excuse me, how far is it from here to Florence?

Forty kilometers, but it's winter and it will be a difficult trip.

She's right, it's always a heavy winter in June.

Is there a problem? Do you need help?

Now, where can we go?

-The van doesn't have sleeping bags. -I told him to bring them.

Lele, it's fine. You just think about the driving.

We can't sleep here. This is not an agriturismo. We can't. We can't sleep here?

Here? Sleep here?

Dad used to sleep in a house with twenty-two people.

And comfortably.

Look, the picture is now perfect!

Was I snoring?

-Turn on your side! -OK!

Goodnight. -Turn on your side! -OK!

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Who is it?

Holds on!

I comings.

Oh it's you.

-You believed it, eh? -What are you doing here?

-What's that stench? -What do you want?

Levante, did you see how beautiful they are?

Long legs and great asses!

-They are hot, we have to do something! -Do something, why?

-Don't you want to do something? -Why?

You're going to pass the night alone with all those gifts of God outside?

Selvaggia, you can't be talking about tits and ass, ok?

-You aren't one of my buddies. -What a shame.

I have to admit, it's strange.

You are my sister.

Levante, come and see where they are sleeping.

Come!

Look!

Why don't they sleep in the house?

I said to one "are you coming? there are are beds inside"...

and she asnwered "no, we'll sleep on a bed of flowers".

Go inside.

Levante, help me because otherwise I'm going to be bad tonight.

-Selvaggia, go to bed, come on! -I won't sleep, no way.

I'm going to go down there, I'm going to get in the middle and whatever happens, happens.

Get lost before I get angry. Go to bed, come on!

-Which one do you like? -I like none of them! None! Go to bed!

I like the one with the ponytail.

Libero.

Have you lost your mind?

Cover me, Levante! Cover me!

Get out! Are you joking?

No, I want to die.

If I don't sleep with one of those five, I want to die.

And since I know that will never happen... If I don't sleep with one of those five, I want to die.

And since I know that will never happen...

Cover me, Levante. Cover me if you love me.

Have you all gone crazy?

Selvaggia talks about tits and ass...

group sex...Dad snores louder than ever...

and what am I doing? Talking with a man in a coffin.

How do you say in Spanish "Let's do it in the grass"?

Let'th do it in the grath?

Cover me.

Did you see my sister come by here?

If you see her pass by, don't pay any attention to her.

She said she'd come out for a grope, and then go back inside.

You can't sleep?

It's too hot...

and I came by to ask you if you like some...iced tea

Iced tea?

No, we'll make hot tea and then wait for it to get cold together.

It's a rich tamarind tea.

Now we wait about four to five hours until it gets cold.

I'm not sleepy either way.

Where did you say you have performed?

-Carpi -A Capri is nice, isn't it? -Not Capri, Carpi

Oh, Carpi. Not Capri, Carpi. People often confuse...

one as the other, and the other from some other.

Capri beautiful, but Capri more beautiful. Carpi but mucho more beautifulish Capri.

In Spain, do you have any brothers or sisters?

I'm not doing so well, am I. I'm a little lost...

what with Capri and Carpi...isn't that right?...

If I asked you to go somewhere with me...

until the tea cools down, would you go with me?

-What does 'esta lejos' mean? -Is it far?

No, we can walk there.

-My name? Levante.

Ah, Levante. That's cute.

-It's kind of an alternative name

My dad was a rebel and he gave us all strange names.

Levante, Libero, and Selvaggia...

at school, the principal used to laugh at us.

-Shall we go? -Vamos.

It's here.

-What's up Levante? -I want to introduce you to a friend.

That's what you came to tell me so late this evening?

Yes! His name is Gino

-What's your name? -Katerina.

-Are you blonde or brunette? -Brunette.

-What do you do for work?

-I am a dancer.

-Where are you from?

-From Spain. -Where are you from?

-From Spain.

-(Spanish) Ahh, Spain... -From Spain.

-(Spanish) Ahh, Spain...

-(Spanish) A Heaven of colors and women... -(Spanish) Ahh, Spain...

-(Spanish) A Heaven of colors and women...

-(Spanish) I'd like to go there

-(Spanish) Heaven is not a place to go to, it's nothing but the feeling of living.

-OK. What were you talking about?

-Levante -What's up, Gino?

-Tits and Ass? -Goodnight Gino! Let's go.

-Marry her!

-What was that he told you? -He wants me to get married.

Is that your own perfume?

It's something that my friend Penelope made for me.

What is it? May I smell it?

Certainly.

-May I have a smell from your neck? I'll get a better idea. -Sure.

Selvaggia! Go to bed!

"God exists. I've seen proof."

I had travelled this route hundreds of times...

but this time it was different than before...

the rocks, the potholes, the fields, they all looked different...

or maybe I just felt a little...yes, a little...

I don't know...strange. Really, quite strange.

If you please, the mayor will see you now.

-Excuse me

-I'm coming...

-So, Mister Mayor

Your beautiful city with its red roofs, is a mini Venice, my compliments.

If you have a mobile telephone, please turn it off as I detest them.

-Good. I am the same. Exactly.

So, about our issue.

I spoke with your manager and I was told to come...

-There is a problem. -In one sense.

The manager knew that your business...

has not been renewed...

And so I asked myself why it had not been renewed...

Why?

Why?

With so many accountants, I ask myself the same.

-You tell me. Why?

Hello. Want some lottery tickets?

He's truly a ballbuster. Truly.

Is it like a papaya?

A little sweeter.

A mixture of mango and kiwi?

Non...more refined.

Something uncommon...

-Pineapple? -The small of pineapple.

Excuse me but you say "something erotic"...

I don't understand it...what kind of perfume could it be?

It's a scent created by Penelope, the other dancer. Understand?

A golden perfume, but a perfume...alluring.

You can't remember even though you kissed her?

I didn't kiss her...

had my sister not come out the window and interrupted us...

I'd have kissed her...

-Are you sure? -Absolutely.

-I was smelling a little bit like this, smelling, smelling, and then...

How nice! Today the gay boys are misbehaving.

Just what we needed...

So, listen to me my gay friend

I'm going to crack you on the head with this wrench.

What's this story I hear about ten dancers at your house...

all of them super-horny, and you told me nothing?

Besides the fact that there are five and not ten, they weren't that good anyways...

Yeah, right.

Why should he call me over? It's not like I'm the department of emergencies...

turning on my siren and your problems magically disappear.

-What do you want? -I want to come to your house for dinner tonight.

They'll probably be gone by now.

Gone already? If so, what's that Spanish music coming from your house?

You can hear it all the way into town.

Music?

Gone, huh?

-What did I tell you? -Whats he doing

Let's go ladies!

Holy mother, how shocking. He's dead.

Nothing happened to me!

Don't worry, nothing happened.

It was July 13, 1996.

My Lux model moped...

after a brief agony, breathed its last breath...

and fell heroically on the battlefield.

I decided to bury the remains...

It's heart; its original, factory carburetor.

I dropped them in the river, wrapped in the registration papers...

like the ashes of a great warrior of the past.

-Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing. It's just that this day is a little...

Really? You drank three Martini's in half an hour.

-May I? -Please.

How much are they?

Pay for one. The rest are on the house.

Five thousand.

Thanks.

That's very kind of you, thanks.

Good day. See you later.

Good day.

Andrea, I'll be back immediately.

Where are you running to, darling? I have an idea for this evening.

What kind of biscuits are these?

They taste like anise.

What's the matter?

Come on, enough already. You're crying like a child.

-What happened? -My life is over. I've screwed it all up.

There's no work for me now.

The day of the end. It has arrived. It has arrived.

-What's arrived? -The dark day. It's arrived.

-Which?

-My father always used to tell me...

In this life, there always comes a dark day...

the day when everything will fall apart and you will be powerless to do anything.

-What do you do? -Impresario

...until today.

Impresario...out of thirty dates, we made eighteen

But what happened today?

What happened? You have one nitpick of a mayor here...

and a tax attorney...

In three months of work, can't a man make even one error?

Don't cry. This is a small town.

People here are simple. The professionals are the exception.

For which theatre do you work?

Flamenco.

Flamenco is nice. Where?

-When we can? -Where?

-Where?

Nowhere.

Mariano has always been that way.

Now he's the Mayor.

Everyone is frustrated. His wife left him after two years.

-As did mine. -What a gaffe.

-A...? -A gaffe...how do you say that?

A gaffe! Haha.

I wasn't 'married' married.

We were living together. One day I came home, and I found a note.

"We're done". Boom.

Just like that. End of story. Goodbye and thank you. And you?

Me? I do it alone.

Come in.

So, how's it going?

Better

But what happened?

I told you, the rear brake failed.

Couldn't you have used the front brake?

That's what I did, and it jumped into the air.

You're a fool. Be careful.

Come in.

-How are you? -Just fine.

-Did you take an Aspirin? -Selvaggia, I fell of my moped, I don't have a cold.

-What was it that failed? -The brake.

-Do you want something to eat? -No, I'm not hungry.

Are you sure?

Tell me if anything changes.

-Bye. -Bye, Thanks.

Ciao.

Ciao!

Is it difficult?

-No. Do you want to try? -Yes, can you tell me how to do it?

-Like this. -Like this?

Selvaggia.

Come into the house, quickly!

Ooofah. Mind your own business.

-Ciao. How are you? -Well. Well.

Occupational hazards...

it still needs a little bit of...but...

the rest of me is just fine.

You're very good with the boomerang.

Thank you. Would you like to try?

Sure. Why not? Throw it.

-You're going to catch it, right? -Throw 'los boomerang'.

-You're sure? -Do it!

If you tell my kids, I'll kill both of you.

I've haven't smoked pot in ten years.

I remember in 1975, in the garden, beside the eggplants...

I used to plant marijuana. It took very well.

In six months, it had grown this tall.

One Sunday, a cop came by...

He saw the plants and asked what it was...

I immediately said "Indian Rapini".

He wanted a basket to take back home...

At Easter, his wife made him soup with it...

That night, I saw them at the bar listening to Jimi Hendrix...

-What a story. -Life teaches.

-You scared me, I didn't hear you.

Would you like to try?

-Oh, look what you've done, I should have given you a glass.

What beautiful breasts. I would like to have ones like that as well.

Breasts? Breasts.

Breasts. And you...what have you got? Your breasts?

Selvaggia. Telephone for you. It's the phar...

...macist.

-Yes. I'm coming. -Go go.

I'm going.

Hello.

Miss...

any chance you and me...a quick one?

Nothing?

-Bye.

Should I close the door?

I'll close the door.

Bye.

Who is it? Is that you Levante?

I've been waiting all day. Where have you been?

What are you doing?

I said...What are you doing?

(Spanish) All night we've been waiting. What have you been doing all day?

Aren't we supposed to give a performance?

-Calm down, calm down.

-What the fuck do you mean 'calm down', This is no way to behave.

If everyone calms down, I'll explain.

Do it! Explain, explain.

And that's everything...

it doesn't matter that I've told you everything, the tour is still cancelled.

I wanted to tell you after the show...

but upon being told that our license had not been renewed...

we have officially been informed that the tour ends here.

There is no problem with money...

Yesterday morning, I received a cheque from Spain...

I have cheques for all of us...

A gift

Thank you Gigi!

Aren't you going to come say goodbye?

I was going to say goodbye from up here, with a wave.

This is for you.

-I can have this? -Yes, so you can practice.

This is a perfect place for a boomerang.

Thanks, but with a boomerang...

I'm not so good.

She's coming!!!!

Katerina, what can I say?

There come moments in life where one wants to say so much...

but maybe the best way to say them...

is by saying nothing at all.

-Goodbye. Thank you, all! -Bye!

Selvaggia, where did you read that?

It was in the news, dummy.

The retard speaks correctly.

Don't speak to your sister that way, you imbecile.

It's Comet Hyakutake. It happens once every seventy-thousand years.

Really? Seventy-thousand years?

It sure takes its time.

Well, i don't know what you kids are talking about.

I'm going to bed since we have to spray the plants tomorrow.

Did you understand? You have to spray the plants tomorrow. Hyakutake!

The comet is leaving.

If it comes back, whistle.

Might as well go to sleep.

Do you see, Senor?

Did you see what big breats Penelope had?

Before they left, I felt them.

I will never forget it.

She gave me a kiss and a boomerang.

-Who, Penelope? -No. Katerina.

As for me, I'll never forget the boomerang.

I must have thrown that boomerang seventy-thousand times.

And in seventy-thousand throws, it never came back once.

Maybe I wasn't throwing it correctly...

or it really wasn't made for catching things in flight.

What's up, Gino?

-Did you see the comet? -No

I saw it. It flew for a while, and then it left.

Katerina the dancer also left.

Don't worry. In seventy-thousand years, they'll both be back.

I hope so.

What?

I HOPE SO!!!

What are you doing here?

The work sign had fallen down, and I'm a communist.

Yes, but it's pointing in the wrong direction. The agriturismo is that way.

I know, I know, but my house is that way.

Next time, the dancers will come to my house, not your house.

How are you getting back to town?

I'll jog.

-Good morning. -What's so good about it?

Nice, so you spent the afternoon with him. What did you do?

I don't have to answer to you.

-I'm not enough? What do you want? -What's going on?

The lady here left me here while she was rolling around with your friend.

That Naldoni. I hope he fucking burns in hell.

His name is Naldone, not Naldoni/

You're always correcting me. I think you enjoy making a show of this.

No, not true. I'm in love.

In love. You've known him two days and your in love?

-It can happen. -It never happens to me!

It was a moment of weakness.

A moment of weakness that will repeat itself tonight.

They're not married. Why will it happen again tonight?

-Where will you see him tonight? -The company stopped in Florence.

-We are in love. -Who cares if you are in love.

Where is the company? The whole company...? Tell me everything!

Where is the company? How? What's it called?

They are in the Hotel Cavour in Florence.

Excuse me...Naldone, a Flamenco company.

-Naldone. -Yes. -Naldone, with an 'N'.

How are you? Where's Katerina?

She just left.

-Where did she go? -To the train station.

To the train station?

Should I wait for you here?

I'll wait here.

Don't leave, Katerina!

Excuse me. Excuse me. Don't leave...

-Don't leave, don't leave. -What do you want?

-Talk with me, talk with me. -And tell you what?

-Where are you going, where are you going? -You're crazy.

No, I'm from a research company. I'm doing research.

-What do you need the helmet for? -What helmet?

I think you've lost it.

Am I breaking everyone's balls with the boomerang?

Well?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on is that I'm in love...

with you...

And the only thing that I care about now...

is to care for and watch over you...

just like everyone else...

but I don't have you.

that's what's going on...

Um...what's the name of the restaurant?

Beatrice.

I know it.

Who invited us?

We were invited by Penelope.

And tell me precisiely, really precisely, precisely who will be at dinner?

-I told you already, Penelope, Naldone, Franca, Katerina, and... -And?

And her boyfriend, Alejandro, Katerina's boyfriend.

Why don't you come? What's bothering you?

I'm going to go alone like a loser?

Bring a date too.

Who can I bring? Who can I try at this hour?

I have an idea...

-At what did you tell her to come? -Relax. She's coming.

You told her to dress nicely?

I told her to wear what she would at her brother's wedding.

What a bunch of thieves, twenty-thousand lire for a six-hundred meter trip...

...and I broke a heel. The night isn't starting out well.

That's what she'd wear to her brother's wedding?

Sorry I'm late.

See? In the end, you come back to your Carlina.

Stop with the 'BI-RI-BI'. Did she explain to you want you are to do?

Did you forget that I studied one year of acting with Peter Brook?...

and that I sang mezzosoprano... -"At the San Carlo in Naples"

Ok, ok, but listen mezzosoprano...

for tonight, and only for tonight, you have to pretend that you are my fiancee...

so, please behave yourself

Don't worry. I'll make the Spanish girl die of envy.

It's showtime!

Good evening everyone, Spaniards and otherwise.

We entered the restaurant at 9:05 that night...

on June 14th, 1996.

And then that ray of hope that shined in my heart...

when I saw Katerina...

disappeared in a flash...

when Carlina started inventing...

details of our sex life.

And he tossed me, and he threw me around...

He was furious. He was a Stallone.

Finally, after two hours of wild sex...

Do you know what he told me?

Do you know what he had the courage to told me?

-Tell everyone, and not only her. -No!

I want to say it to the Spanish girl. Do you know what he told me?

Aaaaagaaaaain!

AAAAAGAAAAAAAAAIN!

And we ripped each other apart!

She's really adorable that Carlina. Do you know what she's saying now?

That you did it six times.

She's ruined everyone's night.

On the contrary, she's nice, unlike Katerina's idiot friend...

we're all tired of hearing about hunting things.

Just a minute.

It was certain victory.

A rhinoceros in front of me and I only had one bullet.

When a rhinoceros charges, the ground shakes...

and it's very difficult to aim...

we closed our eyes for what seems like an eternity...

AND I GRABBED MY RIFLE...

and that's when a cloud of dust came up...

and I saw him coming...

right between the eyes...

Excuse me. Doesn't a rhinoceros have a horn between its eyes?

Of course, but Alejandro has special bullets that curve around the horn...

...like a boomerang.

The hunt is everything for me.

For example...

If you could choose one thing that you'd take with you on a deserted island

I would not hesitate...

I would take my precision rifle.

What would you take with you on a desert island?

I would take you.

What a fool. I'd take my moped.

I have much affection for it.

I would Franca with me, and I would marry her.

And I would take you.

And you Katerina? What would you take with you to a desert island?

I would take my boomerang. And you Levante?

I'd take you.

I like you very much.

But I'd take Alejandro's rifle too.

And if he got too close, I'd put one right between his eyes.

I didn't say that, but that's what I wanted to say.

So, Levante? What would you take with you to a desert island?

A television, since it entertains people.

But, just the opposite, it would be boring on the island all day alone.

But, I don't understand anything.

I'd have to be on this deserted island...alone?

Of course, otherwise what kind of a deserted island would it be?

Completely alone or can I take someone?

You can take a person.

Then, I would take with me...

Sylvester Stallone, the Italian Stallion.

What a shit show, what a shit show, what a shit show!

It's broken.

So much pulling, today or tomorrow, it would have broken.

Excuse me, Levante, but she isn't really your fiancee, is she?

Non, she's not my fiancee.

I brought a friend because I had to come accompanied, but maybe it would have been better if I had come alone.

-Well, she's very extravagant -Excuse me, but can I ask you something?

-Tell me -Do you like hunting?

I hate hunting.

And hunters?

-Oh God. -I'm a flamenco dancer!

I'm a flamenco dancer!

Enough. Come down, quickly.

Come on, Carlina.

Do you want to see our secret love gesture?

-Does anyone want coffee? -Coffee!

Good evening. Table for one?

-Whore! -Isabella! What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

And on the same day as our anniversary. Who's she?

-I'm with my friends. -Friends, my ass.

You told me you were tired...

but you're here with her.

Calm down. Sit with us.

I won't sit down. I don't talk to shits.

Isabella, you're exaggerating.

And now you're starting to get on my nerves.

You can't come in here and make a scene like this...

Especially when we are having a good time. That sucks!

Shall we get the bill?

Wasn't that an unforgettable night?

Typical Italian gal!

Typical Italian girl, that's for sure. That slap she gave me still hurts.

What did you expect with all that crap you were saying?

Her and your sister are not going to scrap now, are they?

They don't always behave that way. They yell and fight...

but they don't break up.

They love each other.

Excuse me Levante, but are you going to take Carlina back home now?

I was just thinking the same. Perhaps there is a late bus or something?

Why don't you stay? The fourth room is free.

-Why not? She needs to recover. -Lift her up, so we can take her upstairs.

I don't want to move and I want to throw up.

What are you doing? Are you listening to the Spaniards?

Shut up! I can't hear anything.

Can you give me a massage?

Please, give me a massage.

What's happening?

I don't know. They've been yelling for the last half hour.

What happened?

It's your turn. This is what you wanted, isn't it?

Go!

It was what I wanted, yes.

What could be better than to be in the right...

at the correct moment?

In this world, women are more vulnerable and often need comforting.

-GET OUT! -Yes, right away.

Doesn't look good.

Excuse me Levante, but I can't talk right now.

I understand.

Listen...

I'm a bit hungry.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

Your brioche.

I've tried all types.

For a time, I pretended that I liked all the adventures.

I had all the necessities...

Often, things seem fine.

Usually, things manifest after a year.

My grandmother used to say that love is like a car.

We service the car and after a year it's could still be OK, or...

Who are you?

What do you mean, who am I. Levante Quarini

Discharged from military service...

auto mechanic...

an ex-fiancee of mine left me because she said I was not special...

I have a true, carnal, potent passion...

for Flamenco.

Since when?

Since maybe two or three days ago...

-And who are you? -I am Katerina Decantar.

Twenty-three years old, I studied at the Madrid School of Fine Arts...

two dogs, three fiancees...

and a truly carnal, profound, passion for Flamenco.

See...we have something in common.

You want to kiss me here?

No...Not here.

We walked a lot that night. My God, how much we walked.

Never in my life had I walked that much.

But as we walked, we found that we had more things in common.

For example, we hate Sundays.

We like pistachois, animated movies, and bruschetta,

which in Spain is called 'Las Fettuntas'.

Documentaries about animals that we love...

Except for lobsters, because they disgust us both...

A hatred of parsley because it get in your teeth,

a love of dogs, but most of all...

a love for the poetry of Fernando Pessoa.

She was telling the truth, but I was lying.

Because even though I know many Fernandos,

this Pessoa

this Pessoa, is he a small guy

chubby, with a beard, and walrus teeth?

His poems are famous, not his face.

That's the truth.

Listen, excuse me Katerina, but this looks like a good place for a kiss.

This place is fine.

So, let's do it. Shall we?

Yes.

it was a true kiss. Profound. Carnal. Sensual.

With tongue.

Lots of tongue.

Later, when we had kissed for a while, four or give hours...

after that fantastic kiss...

she looked into my eyes, and said...

I'm hungry again.

We repeated the whole journey, Lungarni, the San Lorenzo market,

Piazza Santissima Annunziata

and then at 9:10 without having slept a minute

we went to pick up her suitcase at the hotel Cavour

and I accompanied Katerina to the train station.

where she caught the train to Rome just in time.

to eventually catch the plane to Madrid.

At the train station, I thought how trains had been made for farewells...

Departing softly, slowly, slowly, giving you time to notice that they are leaving

And as I noticed that she was going far away, I thought of two things.

First, had the sign for the Akrobaleno agriturismo

hadn't falled down, I wouldn't be here now.

And then...

Second, that I had really 'missed the train'.

In the name of the father, and the son, and the holy spirit...

On June 16, 1997...

Sergio Naldone, and France Beniamini...

were united in marriage.

It was the wedding of the century.

Unfortunately, I didn't attend because I was in Spain.

June is the season for the bulls, and I didn't want to miss that.

Besides the fact that bulls are charged at sixteen percent...

and you bill twenty-five. Anyways, I asked you for five. Five bulls...

But you send me twenty. When am I going to put twenty bulls?

Did you got el FAX?

I no understand, what you saying.

Must get translator.

My love...

Excuse me, my love...

My love, can you please speak to Joaquin?

and ask him to tell me what I'm going to do with twenty-five bulls?

My God, how your belly is growing.

He's going to be a bull.

-How are we going to name him? -Gino, Gino.

By the way...

Gino Guarini, father of Osvaldo...

my uncle, died on the day that my Gino was born.

He always wanted to live alone...

and he died, alone.

I will always remember what he told me the day before I left.

I said simply

Gino, I'm going to Spain

and he responded very simply

OLE!