Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- [Radio DJ] Hey, this is Sandy Shore, KEWL,

right in the middle of a flashbang '80s weekend

with that monster hit, You Make Me Come Alive.

- [Girl] Oh, my mom loves this song.

- [Girl] Turn it up.

- [Girl] Wow, we should stop at the beach.

- [Girl] You have to go tan at the beach.

I bet we could find some cute surfer boys.

- [Girl] Surfers, what water does to hair.

What are you doing after graduation?

- [Girl] My dad said so many Baby Boomers are dying,

I should get into health care.

He says it's a real growth industry.

I just don't wanna touch old people that much.

I wanna work with animals.

- [Girl] I just wanna get away for a while.

Always wanted to go to London.

Oh by the way, Kyle was talking about this cute cheerleader,

how hot she is, and then he said your name.

- [Girl] Wow, he's cute.

- [Girl] I heard he's kind of a player.

- [Girl] What do you mean?

- [Girl] Beverly told Angel that he did it with

that redheaded chick Tanya and then two days later

he did it with her best friend.

But you can't believe everything you hear.

- [Girl] People love to talk

about people behind their backs.

- [Girl] Yeah.

I love driving down Sunset Boulevard.

This is where all the L.A. bands got famous.

The Whiskey a Go Go, the Viper Room.

That's where River Phoenix died.

- [Girl] Who's River Phoenix?

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] I love the monster on the building.

- [Girl] Hollywood, there's so many people.

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] You're lucky, my dad says he always

finds people with nowhere to go and all day to get there.

- [Girl] Have you ever been to the Chinese theater?

Very cool.

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] Capital Records building, they do downloads there.

[upbeat music]

♪ I think I'm gonna jump and shout ♪

- [Girl] How much longer?

It feels like we've been driving for hours.

- [Girl] This traffic is unbelievable, look at that.

- [Girl] What's it called again, Camp Cheer?

I googled it.

Can you believe they don't even have a website?

- [Girl] No website, I don't trust

a place without a website.

- [Girl] Oh chill, my mom called and talked to somebody.

- I just hope there's at least one cute guy there.

♪ You make me, you make me, you make me come alive ♪

[chainsaw whirring]

♪ Oh you make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ You make me, make me, make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ Oh baby, oh you make me

♪ You make me come alive

♪ You make me, you make me, you make me come alive ♪

[horn honking]

- [Girl] Hey!

- Hey, welcome to Camp Cheer.

- Hi, we're here to register.

- Well you don't want to give that to me.

What you're gonna wanna do is you

want to give that to the people in the office in Double D.

It's right down this way.

Can't find them, go the the bungalow Triple D,

it's just after it.

- God this place is far our.

How come there's no service here?

- Oh reception's terrible here.

You want reception, you're gonna have to go

to the top of the mountain, or maybe you can

try one of the top of the roofs in the back lot.

- [Girls] Thank you.

- [Girl] Bye.

♪ Oh, too slow

♪ Drop it low

♪ Oh

♪ Drop it low

♪ Too slow

♪ Oh drop it low

♪ Too slow

♪ Oh

- [Girl] This doesn't look like any

cheer camp I've ever been to.

- [Girl] Yeah it's kind of creepy.

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh

♪ To the floor

[machine whirring]

- Morning ladies.

Just one second.

Hello, my name is Axel, I am the camp manager here.

- Pamela.

- Nice to meet you.

- Hi, I'm Andrea.

- Nice to meet you.

- Michelle.

- Nice to meet you Michelle.

- [Michelle] And this is Theo.

- How are you doing Mr. Theo, hey buddy.

[upbeat music]

I'll get y'all checked in and moving

so we can get y'all having some fun.

Okay, let's see.

Yes, Pamela, okay.

It's Andrea, okay.

And Ms. Michelle, and little Mr. Theo.

He's not on the list but that's okay.

All right so we got that.

I'll go ahead, here you go.

- This place is pretty creepy.

- Yeah, it's pretty creepy huh?

- Hey, I been working really hard on this place.

Gee whiz, I can't believe this place is actually,

they used to make horror films here.

It's pretty cool if you get a chance to walk around,

there's a lot of stuff to look at.

- My phone's not working.

- Well unfortunately, the reception out here

is about as consistent as a California rain.

Back to the schedule, and the flyer for our

80s dance party.

It's gonna be a good time, a lot of fun.

- Where are we staying?

- Oh that's right, I'm sorry I completely forgot.

You ladies are in, building two.

Okay, what you want to do is you want

to go down the stairs that you came up,

you're gonna hang a right, and then go

just a little bit that way, and you can't

miss the building, it'll be just on your right okay.

Oh hey, and if you guys get a chance,

check out the sun deck.

I put a lot of work in it and it looks pretty nice.

[upbeat music]

- [Girls] Thank you.

- Have fun ladies, have a good time girls.

- [Girls] Bye.

[upbeat music]

[drill whirring] [upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] Hey, did you check out that kumquat tree?

- Yeah I did earlier, it's a little

weird with the skin and all.

- [Girl] Oh yeah, we don't have

these kind of fruit growing from.

- I'm sure your country had much better fruit than kumquat.

- Oh yeah.

[upbeat music]

- [Pamela] Hi, is this your truck?

- Yes it is.

- Hey, it's yellow, high up.

- I like sitting up high.

I can see everything coming.

Reminds me of driving a combine back on the farm.

- You grew up on a farm?

- Yes ma'am.

Tell you what, those were the days.

Horses, bonfires, swimming in ponds.

[upbeat music]

Oh don't worry, it's not loaded, it's just a pellet gun.

Now you have to respect your weapons

but they for shooting varmints around here.

You know like rattlesnakes and rats,

rabid squirrels,

raccoons,

groundhogs.

I'll never get that week back.

- [Pamela] I mean is there anything else

we can be afraid of, we are pretty tough.

- Well I'm sure you girls are, but this

place actually offers a self defense course once a month,

maybe you can learn a thing or two.

- Well I have my brothers, we're

always throwing each other around, so.

Plus I'm pretty fast, we are a cheerleader

and all so, strong, fast, and twisty.

- Yeah that's right, damn maybe I can learn a thing or two.

Now I'll tell you what, I need some backup,

I'll come to you girls first.

- Oh have fun with that.

- Oh I will.

Oh hey, watching some movies in the theater

later, if you want, come on by.

- Okay, I'll tell Pamela and Andrea.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

- [Man In Black] Hey dude how's it going?

- [Man In Gray] You know it.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat rock music in headphones]

♪ I thought I said it so many times ♪

♪ I have to tell you I love you girls ♪

♪ But I find that you are not around ♪

- I like this room.

Hey, Michelle.

- What?

- What song you listening to?

- I Wanna Talk To You.

- I like that song.

- Hey.

- Where did you disappear to?

- Oh I just went to the car.

Stop. [laughs]

- [Michelle] Come on let's do this.

[girls laughing]

I was just messing.

Oh I love this song.

- I'm getting hungry, I wonder if there's

anything I can eat on the menu?

- You're not gonna do that vegetarian thing again are you?

- Nothing with a face.

I can't eat anything with a face.

I mean I think everyone should eat like that.

- Agree to disagree.

You know, I like this room better than mine.

How come I don't have a fridge in my room?

- Well you have a big bathtub, this just has a shower.

♪ Every day all the things I been ♪

[yo-yo boinging]

- Where'd you get that yo-yo?

- It was on the counter, you want it?

- No, I was just wondering.

Oh yeah here it is.

- Find what you're looking for?

- Yeah, just I thought, I knew I brought it, but ...

So what are we doing?

- Well I was gonna take Theo for a walk

and then I'll be ready for wherever we're going.

- Let me take Theo for a walk.

Your nails need some work.

- I guess you're right, thanks.

- Is that a chainsaw?

- Yeah, isn't that weird.

My room has one too.

- That is weird.

Hey I heard Axel's playing movies in the theater all day.

- Oh yeah I just saw Axel outside.

He said we're welcome anytime.

Oh and he said that reception gets better later in the day.

- Okay, well I'm just gonna finish up my nails

and then I'll be good to go.

And don't let Theo eat anything weird off the floor.

- Okay, after I take Theo I'm gonna take a nap.

- What do they do in emergencies around here?

All right I'll see you guys later.

If I don't put on more sunscreen I'm gonna fry.

[soft music]

[upbeat music]

- Oh my gosh can I get one bar?

[upbeat music]

Okay Theo, come on let's go.

[upbeat music]

Come on Theo, let's just go.

[upbeat music]

- Hey look, it's a kumquat tree.

- Kumquat, what's a kumquat?

You're making that up.

- No I'm serious, look you eat 'em skin and all.

See skin and all.

[upbeat music]

- [Axel] You girls like these things?

- [Andrea] Yeah, they're okay.

- I was told they tasted kind of [loud spitting]

wrong, to be eaten skin and all.

- So is your name really Axel Johnson?

- Well that's an interesting question.

My name's actually Axel Johnson, the fourth.

[girls chuckling]

See you got, my great granddaddy, my granddaddy,

my Pa, and of course me.

It's real confusing at family gatherings.

- Yeah must be.

- Hey maybe you girls can help me.

You look like the friendly type.

There's a girl here from Yugoslavia or something like that,

and I think she's gonna end up being alone 'cause the rest

of her squad got detained coming through customs.

- [Girl] Oh no.

- Well I was wondering if maybe y'all could welcome her

and just show her around the camp a little bit.

It'll be a lot of help to me.

- Sure.

- Okay.

- Hey thanks.

Now back to work on my office.

- Hey ladies.

- [Girls] Hi.

- I see you ladies like kumquats as well.

- Yeah.

- They're okay.

- I'm Joseph by the way.

- Michelle.

- Andrea.

- I'm Johnny, he's Jacob.

[speaking foreign language]

- What'd you say?

- Oh he needs to eat it skin and all.

- Yes, skin and all.

- We're promoters here.

We run an office out back.

- Yeah, I think we're gonna have a tough nut to crack.

- What's in the red bag?

- Oh it's the first aide kit.

- I have a feeling we're going to need it later.

- Oh.

- [Johnny] Okay, see you at the party later.

- [Girls] Bye.

- Maybe we should go check on Pamela, see if she's okay.

- Yeah and then we can work on our tumbling.

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

Let's go check out the competition,

just leave Theo here.

- Are you sure?

- He's fine.

- [Michelle] Bye Theo.

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] Where's the light switch?

- [Girl] It's gotta be here.

- [Girl] I can't find it.

- [Girl] Dude you're stepping on my feet, stop it.

- [Girl] These cheerleaders are supposed to be really good.

- [Girl] And different, Ms. Jackson says

they're the ones to beat.

- [Girl] Yeah, we'll see.

- [Girls] Hi.

- What?

- Basic.

- [Girl] We just wanted to come by and say hi, bye.

Oh my god are they for real?

- [Girl] Are they serious?

- [Girl] What was that?

[girls laughing]

- [Girl] Lame.

- [Girl] Let's get out of here, we're going to high school.

- [Girl] Let's go.

[upbeat music]

- [Andrea] So how far is this place?

- [Girl] They said about 15 minutes.

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] Look at this traffic.

I can't believe how crowded the roads are way out here.

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] Look at that waterfall.

[upbeat music]

- [Girl] This must be the place.

- [Girl] What time did the falcon cheer

squad say they were getting here?

- [Girl] I thought they said two, but I was texting.

Maybe four.

[upbeat music]

- What time is it?

- [Girls] Two.

- Let's just wait a few more minutes.

[upbeat music]

- [Andrea] That was a total waste of time.

- [Girl] What now?

- [Girl] Let's drive by the lake on the way back.

[upbeat music]

- [Andrea] I think it's coming up,

the next exit, take this exit.

♪ Oh, too slow

♪ Drop it low

♪ Oh

♪ Drop it low

♪ Too slow

♪ Oh

[speaking foreign language]

- Hey Lana, are you okay?

- [Lana] Hey we don't even have any reception here.

- [Pamela] Oh yeah I can't get any either.

- [Lana] Bye.

[speaking foreign language]

♪ Yeah

- We have our first contestant, her name is Lisette.

Come on out Lisette.

[crowd cheering]

- [Man] Yeah Lisette.

- Here's lovely Lisette.

When you're not being a librarian,

what do you like to do in your spare time?

- I like to let my hair down and find

a man to rub hot oil all over my back.

[crowd cheering]

- I told you this was gonna be fun.

[crowd cheering]

- [Hostess] And she is visiting us from out of town today.

- [Axel] Wearing my favorite color.

- Tell what it is you like to do

up in Vancouver in your spare time?

- I like to get wet and wild.

- [Axel] Me too.

[crowd cheering]

- Thank you Tana, and here we have Mandy.

So tell me Mandy, are you still bull riding?

- Yes but I do love bareback riding now.

- Thank you Mandy.

[crowd cheering]

- [Axel] Hi girls.

- Hi. - Hey.

- [Axel] Have a seat.

- [Hostess] Tell us Christie, when you're not being

a professional wrestler, what are

you doing with your spare time?

- [Christie] Well I practice my mud wrestling pretty

consistently, but that's it, stay in practice.

- [Girl] So you have your own movie theater, must be nice.

- [Axel] This one is Bikini Witness.

- [Man] Is that important to you?

- [Man] No.

- Is this important to you mother?

[upbeat music]

- Run for your life.

[man groaning]

[upbeat music]

Yeah.

[upbeat music] [water splashing]

Look, can't breathe.

[man gasping]

[water splashing] [skin smacking]

[upbeat music] [men groaning]

[gun firing]

Right in the face.

- [Man] Hurry up guy, we got to get this body out of sight.

[upbeat music]

- This is my favorite part.

[men groaning] [skin smacking]

[body crashing]

[men groaning] [fists thudding]

Ooh!

[fists thudding]

[men groaning]

[body crashing]

Let me get something out the freezer.

[men groaning] [head thudding]

Come on, grab a seat.

Let me show you some of my favorite scenes.

[upbeat music]

- Hey this, this is gonna lead to me very shortly.

- Good show, my brother as--

- Is my hair perfect for this?

- You getting this?

- Hey, your hair's perfect there dude, it's perfect.

- Live from Hollywood.

- [Girls] Live!

- Live.

- [Men] Live!

- Live on the Sunset Strip.

Well my advice to you is to let

the Steamrollers rock mother--

- [Axel] That guy was in the Untouchables.

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat music]

- This is so cool, your own private theater.

[crow cawing]

- [Axel] And this next one, is Mirror Mirror 2: Raven.

[upbeat music]

I've seen that bird before.

This is where I go to church.

[upbeat music]

[bird cawing]

- [Andrea] Isn't that Mark Ruffalo?

- [Axel] It is.

[upbeat music]

This was his first leading role in a feature film.

[upbeat music]

[glass shattering]

That reminds me of my dad.

[upbeat music]

Watch your fingers.

Hey cover your eyes.

Girls cover your eyes.

[upbeat music]

I tried telling you.

That bird's back.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music] [bird cawing]

And it's gone.

[upbeat music] [bird cawing]

I even hear the hand is still around here somewhere.

- No way.

Oh my god.

[people laughing]

- Axel!

- I'm sorry I couldn't resist myself.

I do it to everybody.

I mean if you girls have some time

we can see a few more things.

This classic 80s, Harmony.

- [Virginia] Jimmy.

♪ Harmony, harmony

♪ I felt it when she looked at me ♪

♪ Oh harmony, harmony

♪ It sounded oh so sweet to me

♪ When she called my name

♪ It was so sweet and looked so dear ♪

♪ I felt summer's rain

♪ I would just feel this harmony ♪

♪ Harmony

♪ Harmony, harmony

♪ My book's all that I could see ♪

♪ Oh harmony, harmony

♪ Heard it calling out for me

♪ When she laugh loud

♪ I felt her hips, I held her tight ♪

♪ When we found sound

♪ I closed my eyes and listened ♪

♪ When she calls my name

♪ I held her close with all my might ♪

♪ And our hearts were a flame

♪ Close your eyes and listen to this harmony ♪

♪ And the sun was shining bright, oh so bright yeah ♪

♪ Harmony, harmony

♪ I heard it when she looked at me ♪

♪ Oh harmony, harmony

♪ It sounded oh so sweet to me

♪ Oh harmony, harmony

♪ That was all that I could see ♪

♪ Oh harmony, harmony

♪ I heard it calling out to, out to me ♪

♪ Heard it calling, calling out to me ♪

♪ Harmo, harmo, harmo, harmony

♪ Heard it calling, calling harmony ♪

♪ Harmo, harmo, harmo, harmony

- See that girl right there?

- [Virginia] Oh Jimmy.

- Her name's Virginia.

She went on to become an award winning film producer.

That guy, singing and playing

the keyboards, that guy right there.

- Mm-hmm[affirmative].

- Jimmy Lifton, he stopped being a rock star

to become a director/producer.

And he actually directed that movie

Mirror, Mirror 2 that I just showed you.

- [Pamela] So how do you know all this?

- I told you he used to make movies here.

This is the first Western they did, the Gunman.

- Oh really.

[upbeat music]

Boys.

[upbeat music]

- [Man] I've been trying to raise Wyatt, no answer.

I think something's wrong.

- [Cowboy] Gunther, here.

- Ah, that's a good move.

See if you recognize anything.

[upbeat music]

And again.

[upbeat music]

- Oh my god, those are the stairs from outside.

- [Axel] It is.

[upbeat music]

- I thought I said the saloon.

- Yeah well, caught this guy trying to run.

- That guy in the black, he looks just like you.

- So, I brought him here.

- Yeah.

- Put him in with our little dictator friend.

- Not that much.

- Is that you?

- Bam.

[body thudding]

- Bam!

- Cody, are you an imbecile?

That wasn't part of the plan.

- [Cody] What's the problem?

He ran, I shot him, end of story Salazar.

- Really, well now it's your turn to run, run.

- Is that you?

[gun firing]

- This one's called Blindsider.

That last one, was called the Gunman.

And you guessed it, those two were made right here.

♪ Shake a leg, shake a leg

♪ Two dark eyes mesmerized

♪ Sweep me off my feet

♪ Finally

- Oh my god.

- That is you.

- That is you Axel.

Is that you?

- [Axel] I don't know what do you think?

- Freeze!

[guns firing]

- [Axel] What an interesting place to find a knife.

[guns firing]

That guys just sitting there.

[guns firing]

[guns firing] [maniacal laughing]

[guns firing]

- [Man In Suit] I got the gold back here.

- It's all mine.

[gun firing]

[phone beeping]

- Take it slow Mr. Money.

- That is you.

- That is you Axel.

Is that you?

- No, close, that's my uncle.

Handsome devil.

My uncle played the biggest asshole in this movie.

I mean he's not actually a bad guy,

but I mean he plays it, he plays one really good.

Actually he gets most of those roles anyways, so.

I hope you like gangster movies.

[dramatic music]

- Don't make me wait next time.

- You packing?

- So you know all those people?

- [Axel] Yeah, I've met Jimmy and Virginia a lot of times.

- Is your uncle still acting?

- Yeah he's been making films for quite a while.

He's in quite a few here actually.

Where my popcorn go?

- You should be an actor.

- [Axel] You know you're not the only

one that's told me that.

- [Andrea] Like can you talk without that accent?

- What accent?

- [Andra] Never mind.

[dramatic music]

- I couldn't have got Gino, you

want this stuff now here it is.

- Our deal was for 12,

I only see five. - What's the name

of this one called?

- [Cody] Do you have a problem with counting?

- Timepiece.

- [Gangster] No.

- Don't talk to my man like that.

I'll rip your tiny little off and slap you with it.

[dramatic music]

You calzone.

- Today is not your day my friend.

Today is my day!

My time, my turf, and your funeral, bye.

- [Lady] No!

[guns firing]

- Ooh.

[guns firing]

This is a good one, Mirror, Mirror III.

I bet you might recognize him.

That's Billy Drago.

- Oh does my nightmares ever end and so does my career?

So does your art.

- [Axel] That's man's a legend.

- Good because it looks like shit Joey!

- [Axel] I met him, even hung out with him.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music] [gun firing]

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[man yelling]

- I could stay here all night.

- Can we do this again?

- [Axel] Sure, just say the word.

Thanks for coming girls.

- It's been fun.

- [Girls] Thank you.

- Yeah you can come anytime you want man.

Later man.

- [Boy] Man.

[upbeat music]

[sirens blaring]

- This is the sundeck?

[dramatic music]

- This is gross, I'm not staying here.

- [Andrea] I thought he said he

put a lot of effort into this.

- Yeah, well clearly not.

- [Thug] Hey boss.

- [Boss] Hey, it's all over the news.

- Yeah we got the stuff.

- Come on, I can hear the sirens over the phone.

Go to plan b, hide the stuff.

You can't get picked up with it on you.

- [Driver] I can't go back to jail man.

- Yeah we gonna hide it.

- You know, I can deal with the bangers

and the biker drug dealers, but these guys,

these guys are fanatics, they're crazy.

This is my last deal with these guys.

Stay on the DL, I'll get back to you.

[dramatic music]

- Hey Andrea come look at this.

[dramatic music]

- It's really weird, what are those guys doing?

- [Guy With Mask] Hey cheerleaders!

- They saw us.

[dramatic music]

- [Cowboy] We'll get 'em later.

[tires screeching]

[upbeat music]

- [Axel] Attention Camp Cheer finalists, just want

to make a little announcement here.

I've been notified by my good buddy,

Police Captain Flores about a break-in

at a government facility down the road.

- There's a government facility around here?

- There's government facilities everywhere.

There's one around here that does defense satellites.

- [Lana] That sounds very significant.

- [Axel] Police are investigating

and they think the culprits are still in the area.

- Should we be scared?

- Tough girls like you, what do you have to be scared of?

- [Axel] I'm sure there's no immediate danger,

but it would probably be a good idea to make

sure your cars are locked and your eyes are open.

- [Lana] Should we be scared?

- If you see something, say something and let me know.

[dramatic music]

I'm around if anyone needs me.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

- [Man In Black] Watch it.

- [Man In Gray] It's heavier than I thought it was.

[upbeat music]

- [Man In Black] All right, here we go.

[rug thudding]

[upbeat music]

[tools whirring] [upbeat music]

- Mr. Axel.

[tools whirring]

- Just Axel, what's going on?

- There were these two guys in the alley

and they buried something, they had a white van.

- Calm down, let's just go check it out

and see what we're dealing, okay, come on.

[upbeat music]

Hey Miss, don't go in there.

That's not a good exit, Miss!

[upbeat music] [Lana screaming]

- Why, why, why!

It said exit, it said exit!

- [Axel] Hmm.

[dramatic music]

[Lana screaming]

[upbeat music]

Look, y'all just stay here okay.

- They hid it under that piece of wood.

[upbeat music]

[Axel whistling]

- Um, is this what you saw?

All right, look let's just go and keep this safe.

Let's head on back.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

- They're so sloppy, with their

routine like that, they'll never win.

- Not against us.

- She can't even do a cartwheel right.

- See that girl right there, thunder thighs.

- [Andrea] See that one, daddy long legs.

- You guys are so mean.

- [Girls] Truth hurts.

- See her hair, totally fake.

- [Michelle] Fake hair, fake personality.

- See their outfits, awful.

- [cheerleader speaking faintly]

- Those colors don't even match.

- It's so bad, let's just go downstairs.

[upbeat music]

Point your toes.

Go, go, go.

[upbeat music]

Balance ladies, balance, balance.

[upbeat music]

Balance.

[upbeat music]

Do it.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

[man groaning]

- Fucking cheerleaders.

[dramatic music]

[man groaning]

[man laughing]

What is this?

A pom-pom.

[dramatic music]

[man laughing]

[dramatic music]

Girls, so you want to play.

We'll play.

[phone ringing]

Hey.

- Yeah just checking on your last gig.

Yes, the insurance company was very generous.

- [Thug] Yeah.

- You've got it under control right?

- [Thug] Everything's good.

- You got it handled.

- [Thug] There's a small bump in the road.

- I've got to deliver on Sunday.

- [Thug] Yeah, we got it.

- I told you these guys are nuts.

- [Thug] Got it under control, no problem.

Okay.

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

[dramatic music]

I'll get you and your little dog too.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

- [Thug] Yeah boss, I got eyes on the place.

[upbeat music]

It should be no problem at all.

We got some cheerleaders and some camp manager.

Some hillbilly hick looking type.

A cowboy hat.

We should make quick work of him.

[dramatic music]

Yeah, no problem.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

Yeah I see another cheerleader now.

This place is gonna be easy to take down.

[dramatic music]

I think, I think she's eating a cucumber.

[dramatic music]

[wood thudding] [dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- Michelle come look at this.

[dramatic music]

- Oh come on.

[dramatic music]

Is that what a real lumber Jack looks like?

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music] [wood thudding]

- We should go talk to him.

[dramatic music]

- [Thug] Oh okay, here's another one.

I don't know what the hell she is doing though.

[dramatic music]

She's walking into the theater now.

[dramatic music]

And then she walked right out.

I'm gonna go check the other side of the camp.

[dramatic music]

- Hey come on.

[dramatic music]

- [Thug] That's the chick that was eating the cucumber.

[dramatic music]

Yeah boss, your plan is perfect.

They're all gonna be inside at this 80s dance party.

- [Axel] How we looking?

[upbeat music]

- That should be a fun time tonight.

- Yeah I've never been to an 80s party before.

- And that's it, that's all right.

Just like last year, they'll come.

[upbeat music]

♪ Baby, please be my baby

- I'm looking forward to it.

- Yeah, let's get in there, I'm excited.

- Boys, boys, come on, come on, let's go.

The party's starting, let's go.

[upbeat music]

♪ This dance and late at night

♪ I want to feel your body

♪ I'm gonna flood you in

- [Axel] You coming?

You coming, all right.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

- All right guys, grab a mask.

Put one on.

- [Thug] All right, what we got?

- Let's go, grab a mask, let's go.

- Oh that's a good one bro.

- What is this, why I got to wear this?

- [Driver] Put it on!

- [Thug] I look like a girl with this thing on.

- [Driver] Fine don't wear one then.

- [Thug] I got to wear it, they can't see my face.

- [Driver] Let's go move it, out, out!

[upbeat music]

- [Axel] Hey y'all, this is a party.

Now I know we only got a couple people

here yet, but they're coming.

So get up, let's get down here, and let's party!

Turn the music up.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music] [girls laughing]

♪ Oh baby

♪ You make me come alive

♪ Oh make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ You make me, you make me, you make me ♪

♪ You make me come alive

♪ I see you across the floor

♪ Our eyes meet and then there's more ♪

♪ A feeling takes control

♪ You've got my soul alive

- [Driver] Come on guys, move it!

♪ My body, it starts to shake

♪ My heart pounds for goodness sake ♪

♪ My temperature was up and down ♪

♪ And my head is spinning round and round ♪

♪ I'm floating up near the sky

♪ I'll tell you why

♪ You make me come alive [dog barking]

♪ Oh make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ You make me, you make me, you make me, ♪

♪ You make me come alive

♪ I feel like I'm hypnotized

♪ But I've never felt so alive

♪ The music it starts to pound

♪ And the room is moving up down ♪

♪ I'm flying to the mile high

♪ And I'll tell you why

♪ You make me come alive

♪ Oh make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ You make me, you make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ Oh make me, you make me come alive ♪

- That was so much fun.

I haven't danced like that in a while.

I'm gonna go get something out of my car.

- All right, I'm gonna go check on Theo, I'll be right back.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

[Michelle screaming]

[dramatic music]

- [Michelle] Theo.

[dramatic music]

Axel, Axel, they took Theo!

They took Theo!

- Girls, what's going on?

- Please help, we shouldn't have taken their stuff.

- They left a ransom note.

[Michelle sobbing]

- [Axel] Trade dog for our stuff, 5:30 tomorrow, here.

Poor little guy.

[Michelle sobbing]

- All right look, listen, listen, come here, come here.

Listen, we're gonna get Theo back I promise okay.

- [Michelle] Okay.

- What I need you guys to do is,

I need you to go back to your room right now

and I'm gonna try to work on a plan.

- Okay.

- [Axel] All right.

- At least we know he's gonna be

okay until tomorrow all right.

[Michelle sobbing]

- [Axel] Really?

- How could you be so heartless.

[Michelle sobbing]

- All right girls, girls go back to y'alls rooms okay.

I'm gonna come up with a plan and we're

gonna get Theo back, all right?

[Michelle sobbing]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

This reminds me of that time I shot that groundhog.

[dramatic music]

Yeah.

[dramatic music]

I got it.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[door creaking]

- [Pamela] Axel has a plan okay.

Are you okay?

- No, leave me alone.

[upbeat music]

I can't believe he's gone.

- [Andrea] He's not gone.

- Should have never come here.

Should have never brought Theo.

[dramatic music]

[girls yelling]

- [Girls] Oh!

- [Lana] Mr. Johnson told me to use this shower

because mine was out of order.

Are you guys okay?

What's the matter, what happened?

- They took Theo.

- They took your dog?

Who would do that?

- They want an exchange.

- We were sunbathing when we saw these guys in the alley,

and then they hid something, and then they saw us,

and then we went told Axel, and then we got it,

and then they took Theo, and now he's gone.

- What you gonna do?

- Axel has a plan, it's just no particular one.

[dramatic music]

- Well I will help you.

Let me take this off my face

and I'm gonna talk to you.

We'll get your dog.

[dramatic music]

- I got it.

- [Andrea] You know what, I want to take a chainsaw

to those guys that took Theo.

- [Pamela] I don't blame you,

but violence is never the answer.

- Guys.

- [Pamela] Okay look, Theo wouldn't

want us laying around crying right?

- Right, he's strong and so are we.

- Hey so we got this, let's do it.

- Come on.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

- Thanks for coming girls.

Now, this is our camp and we're

gonna get Mr. Theo back, I promise.

And here's how.

By a show of hands, how many of you been groundhog hunting?

[upbeat music]

All right better question, how many

of y'all know what a ground hog is?

[upbeat music]

Just, just know basically the point is you got

to get there before the groundhog, and you got to be ready.

Now this plan that I have come up with

has a job for each of you, okay?

Here's what's going down.

[dramatic music]

Everything was checked and double checked.

I've dealt with low lives before and I knew

I had to come up with something they wouldn't expect.

They didn't know who they were dealing with.

Axel Johnson, the fourth.

Tension in the air was so thick,

even the dogs were getting antsy.

Just like I told the girls about the groundhogs,

I knew they'd be coming early.

AJ had been out front all morning watching, just in case.

I had set up the meeting to our advantage.

The girls were ready and waiting at strategic points.

Pamela was supposed to be on the gate,

Andrea was in the palm fronds, and that

Yugoslavia cheerleader was in the other palm fronds.

Even one of those promoters was standing by.

He was itching to tag on it.

I'd managed to get the place pretty much

emptied out to minimize any collateral damage.

[dramatic music]

Attention all Camp Cheer finalists, the hospitality

suite has been set up for you at the high school.

We hope you all have a good time exploring our town.

[dramatic music]

Remember you don't have to be back until dark.

Anyway, I was ready.

The final cars were leaving.

I can, I can feel 'em.

- All right guys, here's the plan.

We're gonna double cross them.

- What do you mean?

- We told them 5:30 arrival, let's get there at 3:30.

You know what scratch that, make it three o'clock.

- Okay. [phone ringing]

- Give me one second.

Yeah.

- They're gone, all right great thanks.

- Who was that?

- That was Nick and Vic, I had them early doing a stakeout.

We're gonna go in and out real quick.

All right got it, let's go.

Let's go, let's go right now, let's do this.

- [Axel] We got this, everybody just stay

calm and stick to the plan.

[dramatic music]

Since AJ was mayor, he done had two kids

and had been baiting a previous altercation,

I decided to send him out to cover the back gate.

Just stay on your toes.

[dramatic music]

Our resident lumberjack, Easel Johnson, no relation,

had volunteered to be bait, you know to let them

think they had the upper hand.

Actually, we figured there were gonna try

to knock him out, so he kind of

volunteered to be more of a pinata.

We were all waiting for them,

and we had a few surprises of our own.

Any minute now.

I got 'em.

Everyone get ready, looks like the party's about to begin.

[dramatic music]

- [Pamela] They just passed checkpoint A.

- [Axel] Copy, now real quick sneak back

into stage one the back way.

[dramatic music]

- They just passed point B.

- [Axel] Copy, meet up with Michelle,

and get ready to take these guys down.

[dramatic music]

You have to press the button and let it go.

[radio static]

No don't press it again.

No okay, I know it's confusing Lana.

[speaking foreign language]

Lana, Lana, okay Jacob do your thing.

[dramatic music]

- [Jacob] Yeah I see 'em, I'm

moving to stage one as per plan.

[dramatic music]

- [Axel] Copy and get ready to take these guys down.

- [Jacob] Gotcha.

- [Axel] Get ready Diesel, they're right behind you.

[dramatic music]

You're ready.

[metal clanking]

[dramatic music]

See a pinata.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

- Where's Theo?

- Shh, I'm talking to you, you little cheerleader.

Who are you?

- Axel Johnson, I'm the manager here.

- Well Axel Johnson, is that for me?

- Well that depends, you got the dog?

- Yeah I got the dog, he's outside.

I got proof of life.

- Theo.

[dramatic music]

- Where I come from, we don't treat

pretty little ladies like this.

- I don't care where you come from,

just give me the stuff I want.

[dramatic music]

- Here's your schematics, take it

and get the hell out of here.

[dramatic music]

- It's all in here.

[dramatic music]

All there.

- [Axel] Yeah.

[dramatic music]

- [Thug] Come here, come here you.

[upbeat music]

[man groaning]

[man groaning] [Lana screaming]

[upbeat music]

[fists thudding] [upbeat music]

[upbeat music] [man groaning]

[upbeat music] [fists thudding]

[upbeat music]

[man groaning]

[upbeat music]

- Na, na, na, na, na.

I'm right here.

[body thudding]

[upbeat music]

[motors rumbling]

- [Both] Let's do this.

[upbeat music]

[motors rumbling] [upbeat music]

[rocks rumbling] [man groaning]

[upbeat music]

[stone crashing]

- [Thug] This is bull crap man,

let's get the stuff and get out of here.

- [Thug] Put the mask on.

- [Thug] I hate this mask.

[upbeat music] [man groaning]

[stone crashing]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- [Axel] All wrapped up here officer.

- [Officer] All right, let's go you pinheads.

[upbeat music]

Nice job everyone.

[upbeat music]

- Hey boys, when you get downtown, say hey to Big D for me.

[upbeat music]

The authorities showed up quickly.

Things started moving fast after

the police took those pinheads away.

[upbeat music]

Turns out they were working for

a slimy lawyer with government credentials.

He was trying to make a quick buck

selling satellite schematics to some shady foreign types.

- Look, they had the schematics

on them when they were picked up.

Mental giants, didn't want to take this job.

Is that a threat?

Yeah, I don't like your tone of your voice.

What do you mean you know where my family is?

You don't even know where you wife is.

- [Axel] Oddly he disappeared and he was

never seen or heard from again.

But the plot was foiled, and actually

it was a pretty big deal.

Meanwhile, as you may have guessed,

the girls went on to win the finals.

Big celebration.

But, that was just the beginning.

When news of what happened got out,

and with an election coming up,

the mayor and the local politicos all joined in.

We all become well I'll just say it, celebrities.

And Ms. Pamela and Ms. Andrea, were awarded

scholarships, went to NYU and then

were recruited into Homeland Security right away.

Ms. Michelle, followed her dream and used her scholarship

to become a successful veterinarian up in Santa Barbara.

She's a top dog in the state's animal rights campaign.

The Yugoslavian chick, well she went back to Yugoslavia.

From what she said I guess it's down right beautiful there.

When there's not war going on.

I think it's called Bosnia now.

And me, my vast experience and expertise in construction

and my national leadership abilities really paid off,

and I started moving up in the world.

Axel Johnson's Guide To Fixin' And Flippin' Real Estate

has become somewhat of a hit TV show,

which can be seen every night on cable.

The house is no longer there.

But my student turned a profit.

There's more than one way to skin

a cat in the real estate biz.

[blocks crashing]

[upbeat music]

Hi, I'm Axel Johnson, and the next 30 minutes

you will learn how to make big money

for yourself, instead of your boss.

Live the life you always dreamed of.

You will get my personal insight into making

significant profit potential with minimal downside risks.

Sit back, kick your shoes off,

and let me paint you a picture.

Change your future, nation wide resources available.

Okay.

Just come to my free five and a half hour

presentation at the luxurious Shangri-La motel,

multipurpose complex, cocktail bar

and lounge and ballroom, just off state route 69.

I love that place.

Free box lunch included.

It's chicken.

And learn my unique system in

creating wealth in real estate.

Whether you want to buy one house a year

or one house a week, let me show you the opportunities.

I will teach you how to identify a property,

gauge it's fixing expenses,

and I'll even tell you how long it will take it to flip.

Then if I like the deal, I may even

assist you in getting bridge financing.

Call and register for your guaranteed personal reservation.

Seats are extremely limited.

[upbeat music]

[girls laughing]

♪ Oh baby

♪ You make me come alive

♪ Oh make me, you make me come alive ♪

♪ You make me, you make me, you make me ♪

♪ You make me come alive

- [Pamela] Look a kumquat tree.

- [Michelle] Kumquat, what's a kumquat,

you're making that up.

- [Andrea] Oh kumquats, we've had those before.

You eat 'em skin and all.

♪ I see you across the floor

♪ Our eyes meet and then there's more ♪

♪ A feeling takes control

♪ You've got my soul alive

♪ My body starts to shake

♪ My heart pounds for goodness sake ♪

♪ My temples was up and down

♪ And my head is spinning round and round ♪

♪ I'm floating way up the sky

♪ And I tell you why

♪ You make me come alive

- Oh I just got to get my hat.

♪ Oh make me, you make me come alive ♪

- I'm let you in on a little confidential information.

Before we separated ways, Homeland Security

brought us in on a couple of investigations.

They thought our talents could be of use.

Sort of a modern day Charlie's Angels.

You have a couple of hours, grab

a glass of your favorite beverage.

You should already have your shoes off.

And cozy up, you're in for a treat.

This was a weird case.

There's no motive, no weapon,

no witnesses, except for the dog.

When the police finally arrived, they

just tried to knock the door down.

That's when I started to thinking,

perfect job for the girls.

Ms. Michelle hit the roof, squeezed through

a 12 inch pipe for the AC, I have no idea how.

Don't care, Ms. Andrea, hit the tunnels.

Came up from underneath the building.

Ms. Pamela repelled down the side,

cut a hole in the glass and that's that.

What no one realized this entire time was there's

a dog tied to the bike rack 15 feet from the door.

So, I called the best pet psychic detective in the state.

Took about 15 minutes to get there from helicopter.

That give the girls just plenty of time to get in place.

When she arrived, took her about a minute or two

to squeeze that information out of the chihuahua.

A slight communication barrier 'cause it only spoke Spanish.

But once we got the information the girls were ready.

Broke into the building and rescued the hostage.

[upbeat music]