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1
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_
2
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And so I thought I'd give
3
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investigative journalism a whirl.
4
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,674
Well, get a hot scoop,
follow some leads,
5
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,143
write an expose.
6
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Do I... know you?
7
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Hayley Smith. Remember the name.
8
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I'm gonna be a famous journalist,
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really blow the lid off something.
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Not sure what yet.
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But, hey, that's what the class is for,
12
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:23,088
nahwhatimeanbrah?
13
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,289
Ow.
14
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,392
Stomp the presses.
15
00:00:26,447 --> 00:00:28,193
_
16
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,763
Cool butt. Congratulations.
17
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,172
Journalism. Is. Dead.
18
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,906
This class is mainly gonna focus
19
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,977
on picking out the best
gifs for listicles.
20
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:47,012
That's what journalism is now.
21
00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:51,115
Oh, no!
22
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,655
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
23
00:00:56,657 --> 00:01:00,325
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
24
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:03,261
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
25
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:07,299
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
26
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,805
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
27
00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:15,607
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
28
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,042
Aah!
29
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:21,079
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
30
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,551
- Mmm!
- Oh, my God, Franny.
31
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,687
Are you kidding me with this watermelon?
32
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:31,223
Does anyone love
watermelon more than us?
33
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,359
Is this the best day of our whole lives?
34
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- Mmm.
- You gonna say something or...?
35
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,102
Watermelon?
36
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,038
I'm too depressed.
37
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:49,174
Okay. Mmm.
38
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:52,444
It's just that,
I was really excited about journalism.
39
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,313
But my professor said journalism's dead.
40
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,581
W-What do you think?
41
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,783
Should I continue or just give up?
42
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,185
You could continue,
43
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,386
you could give up...
44
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,787
Right. T-That's what I'm asking.
45
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,456
I mean, should I look for a story?
46
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,990
Or should I drop the class?
47
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:09,261
Any way you want it,
that's the way you need it.
48
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,995
Any way you want it.
49
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,397
You're not saying anything.
50
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:15,267
I-I want your advice.
51
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,601
Hello?
52
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,337
Beans? In a salad?
53
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:20,539
Okay...
54
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,841
Are you pretending to be on the phone?
55
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:26,679
Cool.
56
00:02:26,681 --> 00:02:28,547
Well, I'm gonna go get high in my room
57
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,216
at 2:00 p.m. on a Wednesday.
58
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,751
Do you have any thoughts on that?
59
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:37,021
Wednesday...
it's not spelled how it sounds.
60
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,957
Ugh!
61
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,425
Mmm.
62
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:43,628
- The [BLEEP] was that?
- My parenting style, baby!
63
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:47,232
You know my philosophy...
"benevolent neglect."
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00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,767
I don't know.
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00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,436
As a mother,
you can't be there all the time.
66
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:54,372
Eventually,
you're going to let her down.
67
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,441
So how do you prepare her for that?
68
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:59,511
By letting her down early and often.
69
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,513
So, you're saying you're
not gonna be there for her.
70
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:05,384
Yes. And that's for her, ya dig?
71
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,519
Ow! I dig, I dig!
72
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,723
What's Mrs S's problem?
73
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:12,257
My babe is lost.
74
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,526
Just give my babe some guidance.
75
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,528
Maybe I'm not lost.
76
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,131
And maybe my professor is wrong.
77
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:23,401
And maybe I already know
everything about journalism.
78
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:26,471
Been saying that about you for years.
79
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,407
I'm just gonna look for a story.
80
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,944
That last hit was a mistake.
81
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,345
I can see that now.
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00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,413
I'm too high.
83
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,249
Me too, babe!
84
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,757
Maybe my story's about clouds.
85
00:03:44,759 --> 00:03:48,493
Like, how... where are they sometimes?
86
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,495
Is this something?
87
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:53,165
I have a worm in my mouth.
88
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:56,969
"Something to do with clouds."
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00:03:57,591 --> 00:03:59,905
_
90
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,641
Something to do with bubbles?
91
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,443
We should've brought a car.
92
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,312
Stomp the presses.
93
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,047
- Butts.
- ♪ Cool, baby, know what I'm sayin'? ♪
94
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,516
♪ Left cheek, right cheek,
left cheek, right cheek ♪
95
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,585
♪ Show off, show off, show off ♪
96
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,187
♪ Show off, boom ♪
97
00:04:15,189 --> 00:04:16,855
Jeff, I have been noticing
98
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,591
a lot of cool butts in town recently.
99
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,664
My reporter's instinct is telling me
100
00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:23,528
to follow 'em, find their source.
101
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:26,432
I'm gonna follow a different lead.
102
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,738
Eat me, red spaghetti!
103
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,608
♪ Now let me see that booty work,
booty work ♪
104
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,210
♪ Booty, boo-boo-booty work ♪
105
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:41,279
♪ Left cheek, right cheek,
left cheek, right cheek ♪
106
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,281
♪ Show off, show off, show off ♪
107
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,150
♪ Show off, boom ♪
108
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,219
♪ Boo-boo-booty work ♪
109
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:48,821
HG.
110
00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:50,955
Huh. But what does it stand for?
111
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,024
Holy grail!
112
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:55,560
Stomp the premsses! I got a hot scoomp!
113
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,730
But I'll have to go undercover.
114
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,237
I'm just a regular Hayley.
115
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:06,905
My hat's in the dumpster.
116
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,440
Okay...
117
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,242
Did you need to sign up for a class?
118
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,377
'Cause she's about to start.
119
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,179
- Who she?
- Holly?
120
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,249
HG? The queen of dance cardio?
121
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,384
- Hello?
- Hello.
122
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,785
We specialize in the Holly method,
123
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:23,121
the only technique proven
to make you a new you.
124
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,456
The first class is free.
125
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,259
We will need a credit card, though.
126
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,280
The class itself is free.
127
00:05:29,315 --> 00:05:31,663
What you get from the class costs $500.
128
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,398
That's too high of a money!
129
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:37,536
This is an expensive gym
where people have good butts.
130
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,337
I don't think that's a story. Damn.
131
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,939
You look lost.
132
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,074
Well, you look...
133
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:48,613
...a-ma-ma-ma-mazing.
134
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,348
You reek of weed.
135
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,284
It's the middle of the day.
136
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,886
It's Wednesday.
137
00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:55,487
Do you have any thoughts on that?
138
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,489
It's not spelled how it sounds?
139
00:05:57,491 --> 00:06:00,225
You're lost. I just said so myself.
140
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,693
But I can help.
141
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,429
You need someone to tell you what to do.
142
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:05,698
You need me.
143
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,632
Yes.
144
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,367
- Yes, what?
- Yes, mommy.
145
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,569
You did it.
146
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,637
You said the right answer.
147
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,306
♪ Booty work, booty work ♪
148
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:15,840
♪ Booty, boo-boo-booty work ♪
149
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,910
♪ Left cheek, right cheek ♪
150
00:06:20,222 --> 00:06:22,147
_
151
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,883
We gotta confuse the
muscles to get results.
152
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,551
When I say leg, I mean bicep.
153
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,752
Just follow me.
154
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,488
I am in charge of your body now.
155
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,090
Gimme an amen.
156
00:06:31,092 --> 00:06:32,458
Amen!
157
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:34,826
Good.
158
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,028
Sip some agua, grab some protein,
159
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,364
get those bank routing
numbers to Lindsay,
160
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,832
and let's get back out there.
161
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,837
Oh, hey, Hayley.
162
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,506
How's journalism class going?
163
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,508
Mom, I dropped that class months ago.
164
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,843
I am a one-class-at-a-time
kind of person.
165
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,245
And right now,
it's five workout classes a day,
166
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,446
seven days a week.
167
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,848
But only one class at a time.
168
00:06:57,848 --> 00:06:59,184
That's a physical limitation I have.
169
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,786
Can't be in two classes at once.
170
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,054
And I would if I could,
and HG knows that.
171
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,990
She gets that I'm dedicated.
172
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,392
She hasn't said it,
but sometimes I can feel
173
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,727
her eyes graze over me,
174
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,130
and I feel oceans of approval and love.
175
00:07:11,132 --> 00:07:13,264
One day, I am gonna get a DMT.
176
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,334
That stands for distressed muscle tank.
177
00:07:15,336 --> 00:07:17,736
The DMTs get to work out next to HG.
178
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,938
I just gotta put in the time,
keep getting better.
179
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,908
I'm gonna go fill up my mattress
with ice and rest up for later.
180
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,611
So, Hayley's in a cult.
181
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,413
Yeah, an exercise cult.
182
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,749
No. It's a real cult, Roger.
183
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,152
Like Jonestown with ankle weights.
184
00:07:33,154 --> 00:07:34,353
And I should know.
185
00:07:34,355 --> 00:07:36,287
I've been in more cults than anyone.
186
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,923
Remind me?
187
00:07:38,436 --> 00:07:39,521
_
188
00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:43,428
Francine! Is that the scrapbook I hear?
189
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,763
I don't have my keys!
190
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,165
I left them in the car
when I rolled out of it!
191
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,569
- Scrapbook!
- Scrapbook?
192
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:54,239
- Oh, shit!
- Scrapbook! Yay!
193
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,307
Oh, wow. Remember this?
194
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,310
I liked wearing all the
red and orange clothes.
195
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,246
Oh, this was this vegan one.
196
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,048
We ate so much spelt.
197
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,584
Some people had a lot
of sex with the guy.
198
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,187
Those cupcakes ended up being poisoned.
199
00:08:08,189 --> 00:08:10,522
Still have those Nikes somewhere.
200
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,125
Honey, you might fall for cults,
but let's be real...
201
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,327
cults also fall for you.
202
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,063
Frann-ay!
203
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:21,200
Always skyrocketing right
into the inner circle.
204
00:08:21,202 --> 00:08:22,667
True.
205
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,736
I'm either a right-hand
man or a high-up wife.
206
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,138
Oh, God, and there's me on the altar.
207
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,807
You were gonna sacrifice me.
208
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,009
But then the knife broke!
209
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,416
Ah! That was fun. I needed that.
210
00:08:37,418 --> 00:08:39,017
But I gotta get back to it.
211
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,019
Same.
212
00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:42,621
Yeah, it's a big time of year for me.
213
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,956
You've been in a lot of cults.
I remember now.
214
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,226
Yeah, cults are really fun,
215
00:08:47,228 --> 00:08:50,962
but I have a sixth-sense
about when the fun is over.
216
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,765
You know,
when there's gonna be a FBI raid
217
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,835
or mass soo-ey, or blend up beavers
218
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,104
and put it in the town's water supply.
219
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,239
Cool.
220
00:09:00,241 --> 00:09:02,507
How and why did we get
into this convo again?
221
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,109
- Hayley is in a cult.
- Riiight.
222
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,376
You gonna help her get out?
223
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,712
I'm not helping her.
224
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,714
She's gotta get out
by herself because...
225
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,181
Benevolent neglect!
226
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:13,184
Speaking of which,
you know what I neglect sometimes?
227
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,319
My own needs.
228
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:17,089
That's not a joke. It's something sad.
229
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,327
Whooooo! Let's do this!
230
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:27,866
What's going on?
231
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,135
Everyone huddle up for a second.
232
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,003
We're having a bit of a problem.
233
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,740
The Fire Marshall's
been sniffing around.
234
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,609
He wants to do an "inspection,"
235
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,010
and we all know what that means.
236
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,012
He's gonna come in here
and try to shut us down.
237
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,152
Guns?
238
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,755
They have to be worth $600 each!
239
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,423
And you're just giving them to us?
240
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:52,757
Is this real?
241
00:09:56,497 --> 00:09:58,229
Hey, girl, what that?
242
00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,564
It's my gym gun.
243
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,899
Anyway, I'm just here
to grab some extra clothes
244
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,768
and all of my important documents.
245
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,503
I'm gonna be living at
the gym from now on,
246
00:10:04,505 --> 00:10:05,971
for maximum readiness.
247
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:09,240
Honey, what if, just like,
as a readiness exercise,
248
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,510
I said, don't go live at the gym?
249
00:10:11,512 --> 00:10:14,379
I'd call you a CV and
tell you to suck my butt.
250
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,448
And a CV is...?
251
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,516
A commitment vampire.
252
00:10:17,518 --> 00:10:18,850
It's the worst thing you can be.
253
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,020
Cool. Perfect answer.
254
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:26,057
Looks like the fun is over at HG studio.
255
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,393
Unfortunately,
Hayley doesn't seem to have
256
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,195
my sense of cult timing.
257
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,797
I'm gonna have to help get her out.
258
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,332
What happened to benevolent neglect?
259
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,534
Too late for benevolent neglect!
260
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:36,935
We've got a new plan.
261
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,604
It's called...
262
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,306
Francine's plan.
263
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,480
Keep the car running. I'll be right out.
264
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:49,548
Vroom vroom.
265
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,756
Mom?!
266
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,491
Did I inspire you?
267
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:00,826
Yeah.
268
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,829
Let me just say, you have amazing taste.
269
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:06,365
I wish the first cult I
ever joined was this nice.
270
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:08,567
- Not a cult.
- It's a great space.
271
00:11:08,569 --> 00:11:11,302
I'm seeing a super-charismatic leader.
272
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,239
The inner circle has sick-ass tanks.
273
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,241
DMTs.
274
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,909
- Primo cult, for sure.
- Damn right.
275
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,045
But shit is about to go down.
276
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,447
We have to get you
out of here right now.
277
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,648
Okay, suck my butt.
278
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,838
Since when do you have advice for me?
279
00:11:25,873 --> 00:11:29,855
We will deprogram you later,
but for now, just listen.
280
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,391
The schematics show a
window in the bathroom.
281
00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:33,859
We're gonna slip out.
282
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,395
Roger is waiting outside
with the car running.
283
00:11:36,397 --> 00:11:38,063
There was a funny smell in the car,
284
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,598
and I couldn't get the windows down.
285
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,132
Had to use that hammer to get out.
286
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,535
The little hammer for if
you drive into a river?
287
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,670
Anyway, have you seen HG?
288
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,272
I'm all in, Franny.
289
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:48,473
All. In.
290
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,275
Roger gets it!
291
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,877
And you're a CV.
292
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,546
And I have to report any CV behavior.
293
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,747
- HG!
- HG!
294
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,216
HG, I love you!
295
00:11:57,218 --> 00:11:58,483
Do you see me, HG?
296
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:01,453
First day, HG! Very impressive, yes?
297
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,356
Hi, ladies! Fire Marshall here.
298
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,359
I'm just gonna take a quick looky-loo,
299
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,829
and I will be out of your hair.
300
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,166
Fire Marshall?
301
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,969
Fire Marshall Bill!
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
302
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,406
Remember that? Oh, my God, so funny.
303
00:12:22,243 --> 00:12:26,445
I'm honored you all have taken
such an interest in my work!
304
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:31,049
Hmm. All the windows are sealed shut.
305
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,318
That's gonna be a no-go.
306
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,888
No one's getting out
of there in a hurry.
307
00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:40,525
I'm not lovin' that.
308
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,263
Whoa. Loose floorboard?
309
00:12:44,265 --> 00:12:45,931
When I was a kid,
310
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,533
my grandma tripped on a loose floorboard
311
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,868
and fell on her butt.
312
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,137
It was so embarrassing!
313
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,872
I'm gonna have to close this place down.
314
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,213
Just leave!
315
00:12:55,248 --> 00:12:57,476
No one shuts us down
over a loose floorboard!
316
00:12:57,952 --> 00:13:00,145
Aah! Ah! My tiny gun went off!
317
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:04,015
Y-You shot me in the tummy!
318
00:13:04,248 --> 00:13:05,617
Oh, my God!
319
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:09,621
- What do we do?
- Everything is okay.
320
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,290
This needed to happen.
321
00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:12,891
It was necessary.
322
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,693
It had to happen, HG.
323
00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:16,095
Here's the good news...
324
00:13:16,097 --> 00:13:18,697
This brought us to phase two.
325
00:13:18,699 --> 00:13:20,966
Just a little sooner than planned.
326
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,501
Yeah, phase two, HG.
327
00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:24,836
This new woman... what's your name?
328
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,171
- HG?
- No.
329
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,238
Then Britney M.
330
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,840
Welcome to the inner circle.
331
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,110
Two tosses for Britney M.
332
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,115
Yay!
333
00:13:36,117 --> 00:13:38,317
In 20 minutes,
we're gonna load up the buses,
334
00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:39,785
head to the airfield, and take off
335
00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:43,722
for our remote studio location
in the jungles of the Congo.
336
00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:45,657
Everyone have your passports?
337
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,659
Just kidding. We have your passports.
338
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,130
- Ugh!
- Don't worry.
339
00:13:51,132 --> 00:13:53,198
We have your passports.
340
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,167
I'm part of the "we."
341
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,538
You saw what I saw.
342
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:01,072
There's still time.
343
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,741
We can't leave the
country with these people.
344
00:14:02,743 --> 00:14:04,743
You're right. That was crazy.
345
00:14:04,745 --> 00:14:06,478
I wanna go home.
346
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,015
Just follow me behind the bus,
and then start running.
347
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,455
Good work, Francine.
348
00:14:18,159 --> 00:14:20,091
What are you doing?!
349
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,161
Betraying you, getting a cool tank top.
350
00:14:22,163 --> 00:14:24,429
It looks great on you, Francine.
351
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:27,432
You've got the good shoulders for it.
352
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,368
So do I, though.
353
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:36,107
And up and back and kick,
354
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:39,177
front, table top, extend.
355
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,314
I mean, I love HG,
but what you did was savage.
356
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,650
Sold out your own kid for a DMT.
357
00:14:44,652 --> 00:14:47,519
My voice is the only
voice I should hear.
358
00:14:47,521 --> 00:14:48,920
Sorry, HG.
359
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,789
I mean, I get it. I shot a guy.
360
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:53,191
But I'm like you...
I don't even feel bad about it.
361
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,327
Shhhh! Britney M.
362
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,129
Almost done, HG.
363
00:14:57,131 --> 00:14:59,531
And she's fine.
She's in non-prison confinement.
364
00:14:59,533 --> 00:15:02,668
I don't wanna go to non-prison,
but Hayley's probably okay.
365
00:15:02,670 --> 00:15:04,386
- Oh, God.
- Ooof.
366
00:15:04,421 --> 00:15:06,604
- I know. It's really hot in here, right?
- Shhhh!
367
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,875
And then, I put a little bit of mint,
banana, a green apple.
368
00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:11,143
Sometimes.
369
00:15:11,145 --> 00:15:12,544
It's packed with, like, everything...
370
00:15:12,546 --> 00:15:14,612
flax, chia, fish oil,
CBD oil, coconut oil,
371
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,415
olive oil, pennzoil... it's very oily.
372
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,351
Don't spill it,
because you'll be cleaning
373
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,019
for the rest of the morning.
374
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,421
But you'll have crazy energy
if you get any in your mouth.
375
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,956
How long do I have to be in here?
376
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,492
Until you're ready to dance again.
377
00:15:26,494 --> 00:15:28,760
You mean I can just go back to class?
378
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,095
Sure.
379
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,429
But if you are gonna make the smoothie,
380
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,232
do not smoke for up to 36 hours after.
381
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,834
You will explode.
382
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,575
Hayley, I'm so sorry.
383
00:15:43,577 --> 00:15:46,111
I never should have betrayed
you for this tank top,
384
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,312
even though I look amazing.
385
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,647
We gotta get out of here, for real.
386
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,917
I shouldn't trust you.
387
00:15:51,919 --> 00:15:54,586
Okay, meet me tonight. I know a way.
388
00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:58,390
Also, I figured out which one
of the girls has the bad B.O.
389
00:15:58,392 --> 00:15:59,425
It's me.
390
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:02,194
Just a little further.
391
00:16:02,196 --> 00:16:03,995
Ah, here it is!
392
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,198
You see, HG? I told you!
393
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,799
She's the real CV!
394
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,301
Hayley!
395
00:16:10,938 --> 00:16:12,337
Oh, what, Mom?
396
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,139
I wanna be in the inner circle.
397
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,007
I feel really left out!
398
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,743
I'll take my DMT now, thank you.
399
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:19,411
You better watch your back!
400
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,279
That DMT is mine.
401
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,282
No, that DMT is mine, actually.
402
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,084
You two are a lot of trouble,
403
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,553
and I don't have time for this.
404
00:16:27,555 --> 00:16:30,222
You're both going to non-prison.
405
00:16:30,224 --> 00:16:31,423
- What?!
- What?!
406
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:34,626
Ooooh! You made mommy maaaaad.
407
00:16:34,628 --> 00:16:36,895
Shh! You talk too much.
408
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,031
A criticism!
409
00:16:40,127 --> 00:16:41,367
A flying caterpillar!
410
00:16:42,036 --> 00:16:43,101
What is wrong with us?
411
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,302
It's not us.
412
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,504
It's the cult. We're brainwashed.
413
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,908
Yeah, but we're the ones
who decided to join a cult.
414
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,043
That's true.
415
00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:53,178
Why do I keep joining cults?
416
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,646
What is that about?
417
00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:57,715
Maybe it has something
to do with my mom.
418
00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:00,986
She was always telling me
what to do, what to think.
419
00:17:00,988 --> 00:17:02,187
I hated it!
420
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,923
But maybe on some level,
421
00:17:04,925 --> 00:17:07,192
I keep looking to re-create it?
422
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,261
I think it's the opposite for me.
423
00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:12,264
I was dying for someone
to tell me what to do,
424
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:14,600
or at least just give me some advice.
425
00:17:14,602 --> 00:17:17,002
I'd like you to be that person.
426
00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:18,403
I'm sorry.
427
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:21,006
I just didn't want to be like my mom.
428
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:23,008
You're not your mom.
429
00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:26,011
But I do need you to be my mom.
430
00:17:26,013 --> 00:17:27,345
I can do that.
431
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,481
Should we start a coup against HG?
432
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:32,884
Are you ready for my motherly advice?
433
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,953
Yes.
434
00:17:34,955 --> 00:17:36,554
Let's dance.
435
00:17:39,293 --> 00:17:40,758
Listen up, ladies!
436
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,095
I've been in a lot of cults in my life,
437
00:17:43,097 --> 00:17:44,763
and I know what's up.
438
00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:48,566
HG acts like a god,
but she's just a person.
439
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,303
A very hot, charismatic person
440
00:17:51,305 --> 00:17:53,771
with a great exercise regimen
441
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,441
that gives us confidence
442
00:17:55,443 --> 00:17:58,510
and the direction that
we need in our lives,
443
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:02,714
and cool butts that look like
two stuck-together onions!
444
00:18:02,716 --> 00:18:05,250
Yay!
445
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,584
No! No.
446
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:10,122
She means, HG is a bad person.
447
00:18:10,124 --> 00:18:12,371
And we're all brainwashed!
448
00:18:12,406 --> 00:18:16,528
She's got us exercising in
a jungle for 10 hours a day!
449
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:19,264
Let's band together and get out of here!
450
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:21,599
And she keeps shushing me. It's so rude.
451
00:18:23,471 --> 00:18:26,271
What's with all the loose floorboards?
452
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,673
Okay, she's not even hurt.
453
00:18:27,675 --> 00:18:28,806
What gives?
454
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,809
The bullets went right through her!
455
00:18:30,811 --> 00:18:32,277
She is a god!
456
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,814
Oh, shit, she is!
457
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,083
My bad, HG!
458
00:18:38,085 --> 00:18:40,952
Kneel before me.
459
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,021
And remember to activate your core
460
00:18:43,023 --> 00:18:46,225
as you beg for my forgiveness.
461
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,261
Huh?
462
00:18:51,165 --> 00:18:53,031
Uh, eyes up.
463
00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:54,632
My butt is up here.
464
00:18:58,906 --> 00:19:00,506
She's not a god!
465
00:19:00,508 --> 00:19:02,174
She's not even a person!
466
00:19:02,176 --> 00:19:04,376
She's a hologram!
467
00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:10,382
Uh... occupado?
468
00:19:10,384 --> 00:19:12,050
It's a big, gross man!
469
00:19:12,052 --> 00:19:13,919
On a toilet.
470
00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:15,921
Eating oysters?
471
00:19:15,923 --> 00:19:17,523
Out of a garbage bag?
472
00:19:17,525 --> 00:19:21,193
Oh, look who it is... scoomby-doo.
473
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:23,929
So, Holly was a hologram.
474
00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:25,864
HG equals Holly Graham.
475
00:19:25,866 --> 00:19:27,599
You figured it out.
476
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:30,602
Come on, it's funny! It's a joke.
477
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:33,071
You guys should smile more, by the way.
478
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,674
Yikes, dude. What is your deal?
479
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,210
My deal?
480
00:19:38,212 --> 00:19:40,746
No one ever asked the Wizard
of Oz what his deal was.
481
00:19:40,748 --> 00:19:43,549
He could sit behind a curtain,
spying on munkins,
482
00:19:43,551 --> 00:19:46,218
and I can't ogle women
through one-way glass?
483
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:48,820
I've committed no crimes here.
484
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,558
Why do I discard the
shells into the same sack
485
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,560
I take the fresh ones out of?
486
00:19:54,562 --> 00:19:57,629
Uh, I frustrate myself.
I should get two sacks.
487
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,297
Sometimes you gotta swish around
488
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,033
and look for the loosies at the bottom.
489
00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:03,569
Oooh! Jackpot!
490
00:20:03,571 --> 00:20:06,238
Ugh! Oh, that was a loogie.
491
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,807
I should not be spitting
my loogies in there.
492
00:20:10,244 --> 00:20:12,978
See?! You think I'm disgusting.
493
00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:14,913
This is why I need to
hide behind the mirror
494
00:20:14,915 --> 00:20:16,382
in the first place!
495
00:20:16,384 --> 00:20:19,317
You never would have just
let me steal your money
496
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,919
so I could watch you dance all day
497
00:20:20,921 --> 00:20:22,520
while I sit on my little toilet,
498
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,391
digging through my garbage
bag full of oysters.
499
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,528
I had to be smart about it.
500
00:20:31,465 --> 00:20:34,600
I see. You're all on
your periods or whatever.
501
00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:37,669
- Ooh!
- ♪ Show off, show off, show off ♪
502
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,871
♪ Boom, show off ♪
503
00:20:39,873 --> 00:20:41,739
Ooh! Ooh!
504
00:20:43,944 --> 00:20:46,344
♪ Now let me see that booty work,
booty work ♪
505
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,679
♪ Booty, boo-boo-booty work ♪
506
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:50,015
I never should have made you so strong!
507
00:20:50,017 --> 00:20:53,285
One last request...
put me back on the toilet.
508
00:20:53,287 --> 00:20:55,621
I wanna die with dignity!
509
00:20:55,623 --> 00:20:57,323
- Suck our butts!
- Suck our butts!
510
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,591
Buh-bye! See you soon.
511
00:21:02,029 --> 00:21:03,729
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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