All language subtitles for subtitles_20210625_220215

Hmmm. Who.

One.

I started reading short stories in a new yorker atlantic monthly and harper's bazaar.

I were happy atlantic just died recently and they should.

Read all these clean tightly written stories stuff gentle egg and i say assistant shit they now writing about anything.

These are just influential tiny little people with tiny education's writing about delicate things clean man writing about anything.

I knew it.

So i kept trying to ride.

I finally hit with.

Story magazine and i knew i still knew.

I wasn't ready.

I knew i had lived enough then even though i'd been up there will be there.

So.

My this woman agent she wrote me the letters same as living in greenwich village at the time.

Not to live in greenwich village had just landed in new york is to put my finger on a map and say unluckily landed on new york city.

She's sent me this kindly little note kindly snobbish lane.

Some agency.

Oh dear charles but cascade left jab mastery and story magazine.

I want to be your agent.

Want you have a free dinner and drinks with me.

It sound so sour.

A bar may have heard on this before.

I told you anything been tracking that it's true same mixture year.

So i wrote her back dear madam.

I'm not ready yet.

So now said i knew if she had been my age and had matter to have drinks.

I could have pumped out some kind of shit that she would have driven me and to.

Some kind of dismal drivel bullshit type of riding.

I wasn't ready.

So i just left town of took off somewhere the road.

I'm like care where he went on a road as a fulfilling.

I went on a as have no place else to go.

I just moved on everything was ugly.

So it was it was all worse for me no place to go no place to land no chance ever.

I didn't expect a chance.

I didn't even want a chance alone on and to do was find a small room somewhere a bottle of wine and start drinking.

Maybe find a job for we get enough to drank three or four days and nice to feel free away from jobs and things then return and try to do what i had to do.

There wasn't much to do.

So i get a new job and be with all these people who were interested in their jobs you know oh yes oh yeah.

No.

I never had that.

I used to pick where i was going and would open a map and i close my eyes and let the finger fall.

It would say st louis new orleans said.

So get a best to get any go there and always arrive in a town.

That's very little in my pocket.

The first thing you'd do is find.

A boarding house of someone says room for granted.

And then you get past the landlady you have to act dignified.

And you come in you can act like you know yes.

I'm looking for room and like a jerk sir all we do before dollars and fifty cents.

Only what are you doing.

Well.

I'm a journalist and a freelance writer now.

I have some checks coming in haven't quite caught up with the address and but i'm doing all right oh you're right yes.

I'm a writer oh you're right yeah.

Sega the stairway of follow her ass one at a beautiful as.

I could only make are falling out with me pretend to be a writer and joseph care in ever cook.

For me.

I would never have the right anticipate ten.

Things like that.

Huh.

Everything through the i have server looks good to me whether it's pain agree.

I think survey.

It's what are the least recognize geniuses of server to i had to wear them.

When the least recognize power so one of the least recognize.

You know you always want to use that word but you're ashamed to use it.

James thurber the so far ahead of his time.

They've forgotten them and they're going to recognize him in about seventy five years ago.

That guy really knew the man woman situation.

He must have lived with a woman guess.

Got it down still liberal.

So lax.

When did you read their when you're in the texas in a park bench and man.

I was reading the canyon really do three hundred.

I read through with somewhere.

There had some aaa some cheap play.

Some true town or the such thing as chief down.

To when you're starving he really like to read the snobs you can and review guys and those were the park bench worse.

Come off the park bench in el paso now covered with dust.

Grab it off my name in the library and other kind of look at you.

It's a very tiny liberia was than in el paso.

This very shady a walk in about ten in the morning oh my dust yourself off a librarian.

Kind of looks at you have to sit at a table.

You pick out a book so you're almost like she is you.

And that was the first place a road read.

No it doesn't dare how to pronounce.

It doesn't the earth's that's the as definitely as good as your notes from the underground much as an our guide them.

And i wrote that i said about in a room right now close to that.

I can a right close to the man.

I'll be there something you know.

Matter though you were a writer from the beginning.

I mean you wanted to be yeah but town.

Yeah i would open up the atlantic monthly which has died when joe about two or three months ago.

They folded.

And i would or cannot read short stories.

They were just milk and honey and are.

They show a sudden flash somewhere decent minor to met with the it.

It was a trick.

I said there's no chance for me man.

I months' worth gap and job here in the air and just drain and way to die.

They wanna live at home and hammer.

I'll just drift from town to town get a job drank come down.

Huh.

Would you will bring the books to the would bring them to my room.

Santana one room the landlady.

Let's say you know you're waking everybody and downstairs and say house because i was drinking she'd say.

You must read a lot of books and i say lies that he says because every night you must go to sleep alter your sleep where this ha ha ha your books keep falling to the flu one by one at keeping have a buddy away.

Had.

I'm sorry but i drank and i read books to the same.

As you were writing short stories that were refused by man training.

Because i used to have a typewriter.

But i never had one very long.

They said harkat to have enough to drink on mainly not for the ram ram and i want to go to the bar good.

It's han printed on my short stories and i.

You know like joke said.

I wrote five or six letters a week of most days.

I read five or six short stories.

Only how would they would be shortened.

Camp out fine enough.

Stamps separate.

I'm an envelope.

As return.

They come back the atlantic monthly and.

Sir john martin i tell them about this.

A similar never happened though short story and i threw them away.

He said.

Why they'll he probably thought they were good why didn't you to be.

I knew there was no chance.

When you open a magazine a atlantic my plane the first line says it was a warm day and spraying mrs killer.

Mcgill occurred his daughter was walking down central avenue and the rain was beginning to help.

He's trying to write my kind of stuff when they're printing that canister bright side gave up and started drinking.

I said it would be the be wearing a suit too heavy to go.

Shit now i just you know have to write something you lose interest in and anyhow i even barfly forgive me reading it right.

He immediately is interested in going to the next and of it isn't published while dump it.

My that much easier.

He always looking to the next the next a next.

Of stories you wrote and pieces of newspaper pieces of wax paper was mean.

I guess a newspaper and and tin shack in atlanta area while i was just an automatic riders thing he didn't have anything else to do say founded pencil or pan.

I read on the edge newspapers because i'm like a spider that spans it's web does no one else to do.

Pretty pitiful.

Feminists tiny shaq and lander or one was going back and happily.

I'm riding with a pencil on the edges of newspaper hannah.

Talk about a natural for idea what the ha you.

I'm just the back.

So it's pretty pitiful but it's pretty automatic and that's canonized to on something you've got to do so.

You do it anyhow.

Didn't happen to the long.

And i make it like and six months or so actually was.

Amateur three nights.

Ah and fact it happened and sporadic moments.

We go out my yacht.

Two or three nights he come back then a week later gotten the odd again and these were cheap whore the guy had.

A lot of money had no way of evaluating a good.

Woman is picking up this cheap alvarado street or some taking them out on a yacht and well that cheap horse with my girlfriend as living way.

She was at least cheap.

She is she didn't get laid or.

She claimed she didn't just client you get laid to get drowned.

I guess she did get she never had any fucking.

But any.

I had a low class for and know how to hustle.

And he have the yard and now and then we'd wake up trying to go to catalina and had one arm.

I won't mention his name that isn't boat was called the well can.

It was nice out there was plenty of booze and now.

There were three lamb and i fucked all three of islam and including my on.

And they was kind of strange a poor gotta be honest.

Nice yeah can now that.

My kind of mind always access anything that happens.

Accent and so wasn't strange to me.

It was just something we're supposed to occur.

Just like marrying a millionaire as later on which occurred accepted.

So it's just nothing the yacht was there.

It half.

Was kind of nice it just got cold out there at night.

He would drop anchor get drunk a could stare.

And have three lemon.

And they'd say on cold hey.

Step one why can't we had all with me and i'd fuck her and of a kind of a highlight for current a third account and i try to fuck her neck.

Then they all one of the you know get in the bunker me.

I'm cold.

I guess lesbianism wasn't so rampant or open.

In those days.

I would a gotten a bank with each other and just let me alone.

Would have been just as wow.

Yeah that happened it was strange.

Anything to stay and other factories helps.

Huh.

Yeah you mention know have you know it.

Not too much.

Actually i'm in very unlucky reading henry miller i guess.

I read the worst part of him.

One time traveling across texas.

I jumped are some i got one of his books and start to read and i fell asleep.

So many people are told me you know you and henry miller you must have engendered from memory like down the but.

To me.

A sounds like a knock.

I just couldn't and just the.

I guess he was a while too much now then tim of a star seventy philosophy.

I like the straight staff a little bitter read our you know when he said.

Er jo had a big dick joe statistic him to marry and they fuck joe had a big dick.

I like that see i can understand it.

I went into areas and pc said entire.

Or less all tremain trip some that the i don't have any mind so.

I left them there.

So lane hemingway goes paso.

Good tough boys.

I stay close to their.

The sacred as the riding down one simple after another.

Gertrude stein that out.

She said in our roses or roses around with we know that all kind bow.

But gert goodies problem was she can only write down two or three lives.

The hemingway came along they could only write down two or three thousand lives or two hundred or thirty thousand.

Then again i'm boring.

But the sacred is still in the line.

The secret is also and the containment any enjoyment and the energy and life.

So what i've tried to do.

His remain within the simple lime and also bring in a sense of humor like.

Chorus girl das kicking up their legs and showing a bit of their cards but not too much in our up and down here now and they jump off the stage and here comes a new crew.

What i'm trying to do is use a simple line and also in check.

And laughter through art.

Laughter through creation creation is not all that serious.

Question can not be on sirius xm oregon.

The fall asleep.

I'm falling asleep know talking about what it should be oh.

Yeah i know anything about this and said sure ajit know and him and it a.

I saw that any words it was that guy got to say.

I want to her have he must know something.

Lol unfortunately does.

No one is eighteen nineteen your but is getting a job getting into the eight hour a day right.

Everybody's doing it they you know you're either a chemist.

You're a doctor.

You're a liar your shipping clerk.

You're a filmmaker your around.

Camera man you doing some damn thing over and over and over again.

You get caught in the the structure of what you're supposed to be and you have no other choice you're finally mold.

It didn't melded in what you're supposed to be.

I didn't like this.

And i didn't likely a their job and even like the for our job.

Even i couldn't get more.

Side to side in.

I'd rather star for live on the edges of nowhere.

And do anything at all and become anything label.

So for fifty years i.

Was a scarecrow and labeled and now supposed to be a writer.

As in the last ten years when i wrote for a while has become translated into a lot while languages thirteen know.

So the cancer spreading all over europe and now supposed to be famous everywhere but hair and america why it.

Because the guns.

If decided to protect me from getting the ultra fad ahead.

They have decided to keep me clean and good can keep on working.

And all other areas.

At.

Besides that europe is always.

And will be at least one hundred years ahead of american culture failing and now hour.

You know they say they all slang.

I am as a greatest better of or something like that what fame as a good test to because of you really have the power and occur and them they give you fame.

If you can ride pass that baby you've got the final touch.

And it's a damn good test.

I'm not too famous yeah.

Saffron when i'm working on it and.

I think our fair.

But it's all right.

Rank when see.

Yeah.

Ah they be what is it.

Huh.

But you first story was published by story magazine.

It was something called a story about his stories was go down length.

The aftermath of a rejection slim.

So i hit the big time that really big magazine of the time well.

It was intellectually and spiritual am.

Once you get printed history magazine.

You are supposed to be.

A literary genius if he made those pages were supposed to be there in it doing down the next door.

No.

I didn't send a know.

I sent one more to portfolio and cerise.

Krauss were and portfolio.

She took it.

I was an hour with henry miller.

All the bombers down.

So you you actually stopped at the minute.

You were published.

Twice very big things aren't going to what he said about this question about choosing a life of the outside.

It.

Well.

In this game seems like he just might have done that.

I hate to be guilty of nine but i guess.

I was seeking law facts as dumb as our word may sound.

I just i didn't.

Wanna become known writer at that time to serve you afraid of it's too soon.

I wasn't afraid.

So adapt and started drinking train doing whatever i did which was nothing would happen when after that the still have your portfolio was published in you bought a copy of it would it.

You are your should where'd you go with it.

You know the story in general.

You studied makes him.

Wow the one night and this bar every now and we did barfly that's all about.

On that they're asking me what i finally got to me what do you do.

To sit at the bars and i know mean well as well.

I right.

Yeah right.

I said do you mean you get something in a manx said.

Hey man you show me the magazine year in.

I'll buy you a drink up by a three drinks at all good and man.

Sam was drunk or went down.

I got this big portfolio.

Saying about all this was a huge thing was trying cement.

So i came down there was stupid.

I shouldn't have known him but i wouldn't i got my drank mason jesus sentiment.

The a waitress.

Listen to these want her to move on everybody's why they are gathered around the drinks can the miss start raining outside.

I don't know somehow and get outside.

How i was leaving something.

I was the hero.

I was drunk said drop the saying and all pages power.

In the wind was being a philadelphian it was raining commander.

One guy a big window washer.

He come along.

It's hey.

I got.

This page isn't big foot.

Brightness senate.

They thing read the middle of aiding him.

Funny get it might be sit here.

You go hang.

So went back to my place near misses final grade.

In are we supposed to be an immortal genius in lebanon that you always big when answering my palm.

Several and naming mixing towers get it up the ass the summer and here.

Huh.

The shoe lace.

A woman.

A tire that flat a disease a desire.

Fears and front of you.

Fears that whole so still you can study them like pieces on a chessboard.

It's not a large things that send a man to the mad house.

Death face ready for or murder incest robbery fire for learned.

No.

It's a continuing series of small tragedies that send a man to the madhouse not the death of his love.

But a shoe lace that snaps was no time laugh.

The dread of life is that swarm of trivialities it can kill quicker than cancer and which is always was there.

License.

Plates or tax service for expired driver's license are hiring or firing doing at are having a done to you.

Or constipation speeding tickets records or crickets are of mice or termites or roaches are flies are broken hook on the screen or out of gas or too much gas.

The sink stopped up that land war lords drawn.

The president doesn't care air and the governor's crazy right such.

Speech broken factor of mouth right switch broken mattress like a porcupine three hundred five dollars for a tuna carburetor and fuel pump at sears roebuck.

And the phone bills up than the markets down and the toilet chain as broken.

And the light as a burned down.

The whole life the front line that back alive the and light.

It's a darker than hell and twice as expensive.

Then there's all was crabs and ingrown toenails and people who insist are your friends.

There's always that and worse leaky faucet christ and christmas lose.

Salami nine day rains.

Ninety sand avocados and purple liver worst.

Are making it as a waitress it norms on the split share.

Or as an empty year of bedpans there is a car wash or a bus boy rest steeler of old ladies.

Purses leaving them screaming on the sidewalks was broken arms of the age of eighty.

Suddenly to red lights and your rear view mirror and blood and your underwear tuesday and one thousand nine hundred and seventy nine dollars for a bridge.

Nine hundred dollars for a goal to and china and russia and america and long hair and short hair and no hair and beards and no basis and plenty of zig zag but no part except.

Maybe want to piss in and the other one around your gut.

With each broken shoelace out of one hundred broken shoelaces one man one woman.

One st andrews a madhouse so be careful when you bend over.

It's true.

Some psychiatrists somebody like that road map somebody with and that great study said your shoe lace calm as a hurry truth.

The people go to mad as as not a great cause.

I know you see your dog daughter murdered by a dragon counted at six am the morning and gobbles or up.

It said it's a ton of tiny little nothingness pardon me what that say.

So luckily i've had the a bunch of big tragedies of of timing one.

Almost kept down.

Huh.

If you the bathroom window.

To go my beatings and and bad.

Amazon took my beatings i used to look out the window.

For mercier lying.

Til after while you can see him.

Very bad room for me.

This was my bedroom.

Bad one this way there was a dresser here.

When i got to be about fifteen i started going out and nine.

My parents would go to sleep at eight o'clock at night.

And i let them sleep for about an hour and then i would get dressed and get out of bed.

Go out and drank care with older guy.

At that kind of became the leader of these older guy i was very mean at that time on man not like i am now gentlemen.

And.

When no i wouldn't ya know.

This is a frame version.

When it was and.

I go over time limit.

My mind going out.

Where that leaves.

Learning so the bush always look like somebody's been sliding out of them window.

They never knew two years later.

I was going out drinking with eyes.

One night you know going out during the nights.

I showed at the door i couldn't get in and they look through the little thing.

And.

They wouldn't let me and my mother screamed you're not my son my phone and coast me and i said i need some place to sleep on coming in.

Say lunged at the door to three times it broke open and came in.

And i don't i guess.

This exertion.

Big fan of drink have saved me.

So right about here.

I cute.

And my father was a great big guy guess.

I was around sixteen a man.

They came up behind me this to pieces you know what we do with a dog when it should on the rainforests and know he said we put his nose and.

Well i've never struck back against my father.

Turismo.

I said don't do it.

Father don't do it so got me my down about here.

Course as spun around i kind of a beautiful africa.

Couch with some around the fell back on it.

And it couldn't understand you know.

It's okay to beat the kid that the killer must not respond.

Course my mother she's doing stood and you're right.

You hit your father to founder of human humans and aliens.

My shirt was bloody.

And i just stood there.

Until she feminist i said you satisfied.

I started walking away and my father said i'll see you in the morning and i said why not right now the it so he didn't bother me and mine.

I guess that's call growing up quickly.

That's about on.

Place delaware.

You didn't go very much of it will pick you when their time and i you had some imagination about wedding wagon wedding day.

Oh yeah wow.

I think a lot that bothered me.

I think one time when i was a kid.

I saw this.

Skid row show.

I don't know as gary cooper somebody louis.

He was some young bomb on skid row and us the hopping on i framed freight cars.

But he always look very beautiful.

You know his hair was a little bit and last.

And i remember one time and got off the bat car our little girls and the audience applauded.

They love this lurk in and said hey this isn't right.

But still i was a little bit on their romantic side after the drifter who didn't want to fit in to lie and he was too strong to fit tell i.

While i felt the same way to i didn't like when i saw the streets the drug stores.

The movie houses on that well hell maybe i'm too strong to.

But that little shots i saw skid row usually.

I slept on park benches got a to like a flop powerful.

But the guys i saw down there and the guys i saw and they they have a employment places.

You now.

The said on benches new wait for a calm and eight for guys to unload.

A boxcar something is sydney and while you're sitting these quieter.

There are people air man and even know where the hell and as a gang.

And another guy going well.

Yeah.

I can't change that another guy going now they're all.

These are the beautiful people down on skid row like this film way so what the i won't name it.

And you know they're pushing and the they're all singing little net playing with guitars and iraq talking about the problems that they have little bonfire.

There's none of that.

The completely mad and there.

You're almost like cockroach people are ugly and you don't want.

Gg just want to get away from.

It's terrible that there's nothing like that movie we saw.

Nothing even near that i've never seen a skid row.

And you could go down and search for years.

You won't find.

Those people down there.

I went there because i wanted to escape.

They go down there because they were thrown down.

There he you want to escape and you're down with were thrown down there that doesn't feel good ear.

Then where else do you go.

To the bottle tiny room.

And away.

And away.

And away.

That's all.

Huh.

I'm a loner of on song how.

Unless you're a loner.

I only met one guy like man.

But he couldn't have been much of a lanark is he kept knocking at my door telling me how much he was a loner.

And was red stranger.

But he was as close as i could find a guy like you telling me about.

I'm so yes it read.

My staff may recognize do.

But he was me so much as alone as i was.

I said hey read go away.

When was it anyway.

He just hung around a get a little jabs and rooming houses and he was always ducking.

You never want to be same and one time was driving down.

The street is walking down and i knew was a tree.

Lenora said hey read he was looking at walking else to he pretended look at a theater mark.

Hey you know.

I retire is went for a theater he was trying to hide from the voice.

You said hey red side tested.

I knew it was a real loner eastern.

I'd i said hey read gets hank is said all hank and they kept in the car.

Said.

Okay can tell me about inside start talking.

About being a true that he tapped to my matter.

Our.

To get a lot of short stories and.

He kept coming around he shed me a lot of good stories and then many kept repeating stories.

I said hey read go out get me some new stuff and then come back barring me and so i moved and mean how it in command.

I could still use him you know why does his erection stories or one.

I don't have you remember there's a dog.

The keeps bothering people may cut his throat.

That was a red strength stirred they're couple other.

The guy fed me some stories and i use them.

It was the main character to mean when did.

Key.

Word was just doing good where he was a guy had cut the dog through.

Yeah oh yeah he was mean we would walk down the street and he would say hey watch the skies get boots on.

I'd say hey and wear boots.

Guy could come right up behind you cut your throat scan be walking but a black man.

He's a lot alright only start walking behind a gonna go back to me.

I see see see see visualization as a he ran come on come on the day he was completely mad course.

I liked.

I'm very aware.

He was very strong.

A was strange.

So can go.

Didn't.

Huh.

To me want to person enters the door first thing.

I think of as getting rid of them.

The vampire.

I am hung over and in bed and a doorbell rang.

There's eleven am what the shit i ask.

She goes to the door and i hear her talking.

She enters the bedroom and tells me it's a mr sanderson.

She says he says you know him and he wants to talk to you.

Sanderson i ask what's his first man.

She comes back with the answer.

He says his first name is frank.

Never heard of the son of bitch down the get outta here.

I hear them talking back and for not consider all add very unnecessary.

I begin to get up and get dressed to run em on one.

I get there he is gone what did he want.

I ask he wanted to talk to you.

She says well now isn't that the cats tip.

He looked like a very nice boy.

He looked very sad when you sent him on.

I don't want to talk any sign of a bitch at taylor well.

I would have talked to him.

She says i walk into the crapper pulled down my pants and my shorts and let it go.

That night i'm on my fourth or fifth bear when there was a brutal knocking upon the door.

I figure murder emergency anything somebody needs help i open.

The door is a fat son of a bitch and behind him or five or six other people.

Male and female hey screams the fat man.

I'm both see and we've come to say hello i swing the door shut.

But he sticks a big shoo him they're holding.

It open.

Hold that he says were a lot of like you're really did mean many people mistake me for you get your goddamn food out of the jam.

I say i've read all your books.

He says i take the heel of my shoe and crush it down and long as toe the foot withdraws and i slam the door after a mom and empty beer cans and bottles head against the door then iraq or to.

I hear some curses and then i hear them walking on.

I sit down and open a new bear.

Ever since i was about sixteen i teller people have been after me and as never stop.

Forty four years worth of the i don't know what they want with me because you see.

I most certainly dislike them.

Maybe food just give them a chance.

She says you'll find that everybody's an individual if you'll just search them out.

I drain my beer on that one then look at her how the fuck did you get in there.

I walk into the kitchen and find the scotch on peel it and poor.

I hear.

This a phone rang.

I hear her answer who i'll ask him.

I hear walking toward me and the kitchen and i wonder why she doesn't already know the answer as i stand there holding the terrain watching the faucet league the way they always do when you people leave tonight.

I feel much better you know.

I will true.

I mean are like you to an extent but i mean i like it better when you're not here boom.

Huh.

Yes.

I've been in jail.

I don't know my record probably.

Thirteen common ground i'm.

Too drunk driving one.

Attempted rape which was dismissed.

This may not be a los angeles.

It's all over the country but most are in los angeles.

But actually i'm an innocent man.

I get drunk and i pretend violence but i'm not while.

It's just self entertainment.

You know you can't go to movies.

I think looks are things.

I say when i'm drunk a very true even hours later in the morning people search.

Shelvey florida.

True.

I can finally come out of mine.

I'm hiding behind a really say gonna feel against i might be wrong.

He understand.

But i'm only wrong.

Against what's happening to me.

I'm done.

I'm impetuous them down and silly and am unrehearsed.

The i don't have very much experience.

Picked it up lately.

And i still react the same way.

I am a damn sure some done leave with violence.

I don't like to be around and i react directly toward the man.

I have no excuses for my stupid.

Nothing else.

I will have the same one more thing.

Lot of the reasons for my so called stupidity with women later really what happened to me the time and was born times.

Seventeen eighteen nineteen years old since.

That area filled in i'm not apologizing.

I'm just saying.

I was brought up tough of her and by the toughest troops were.

So i think they were wrong but they taught me.

To believe.

Not to forgive.

I never forget.

I'm a dog.

You're there on time you do it right dude right.

Once you've made an air forget it.

I know maker.

I just get drunk slam people.

The sheer drive my car or dead bodies.

Park and encouraging have another drink okay.

Huh.

Leaning on word.

Therefore five guys at the race track bar.

There is a mirror behind the bar.

The reflections are not kind of the four five guys at the race track bar.

There are many bottle at the race track bar.

We ordered different drinks.

There is a mirror behind the bar.

The reflections are not can.

It don't take brains to beat the horses.

It just takes money and guts.

Our reflections are not try.

The clouds are outside the sun as outside the horses are warming up outside.

We stand at the race track bar.

I've been play the horses for forty years and i still can't beat them.

You can play the horses for another forty years and you still won't beat them.

The bartender doesn't like us.

The five minute warning buzzer sounds we finish our drinks and turn away to make our bets.

Or reflections look better as we walk away you can't see our faces.

Four or five guys from their race track bar what shit nobody wins ask caesar.

The racetrack.

Like what.

Are you boy.

Well actually it helps my writing but the reason it does is probably an unknown quantity.

Like hemingway needed bullfights yeah know to see what was happening.

He taught himself thing.

Actually he was studying death more or less studying live.

I think what it is it tells you something very quickly.

That you should know from the beginning.

But it doesn't quite give you the answer it almost gives you the answer.

And that's important to almost have the answer.

And that's all it teaches you something on the name of ball.

And when i don't go to the track for two or three days i just a wilt like.

Like a flower without water.

So it's a i can't name and it's just.

It's just their the thing is there.

I have to go see it the monster the god.

The rat.

The snail whatever is out there.

I have to go see it and look at it.

And endure it and maybe not endured but.

It's needed that's all i really can't explain it.

If i could i wouldn't go.

Huh.

What is it.

Are women who have failed with a lot of man.

I believe or this one.

And an artistic man one her rhoda.

Unusual things are unusual feelings had more.

Then common man or the streets businessman.

Etc.

What you see that's not true.

Artist only heightened what is true but they themselves may not be.

As real as the guy next door.

The only realize a sense of reality and high demand.

To a sharp and point.

And that's called art but they themselves may not be worthwhile creatures.

But with some women.

I think that men and they are so far.

Great poets great writers are semi great writers might have something extra.

But it's not true.

They don't anything extra.

They just do different things in a different way.

Perhaps in more unkind way.

Two.

Reach what they're trying to explain and themselves a doesn't make a better man.

So on.

She thought and main could find something more general mark kind.

Actually.

She found a rehearse.

So it doesn't matter.

But then i want to live with him.

All of them and come to see me and i try to change they want to show me to have been.

See i didn't ask.

They trying to save me.

They're interested in the evil semi my riding if i can use that term or the difference.

And that's what attracts and the men at the moment.

They made me a try to change me into them which is not even interesting or anything.

I don't know.

So i resent that.

And i refer to it and we get on unhappiness but i don't come to them that come to me.

And we have promised.

I see.

I used to hang around this park.

A little.

And.

Over there is a hotel where the guy dropped out of the window know.

I was sitting you know.

That's it how we drank heavily.

And one morning i woke up with the worst hangover.

I ever had like a steel band around my m.

I really felt terrible and she wasn't a bathroom pew king.

We drank as a very cheap wine.

You know the truth as you can get many bottles.

I'm sitting there are almost dying.

I'm sitting at the window try to get some air.

Just sitting there.

And all of a sudden.

Abadi comes down a man fully dressed.

He's gonna necktie on neatly nodded.

He seems to be going and slow motion.

You know a body doesn't fall.

Very fair evidently got up on the roof and just jumped off.

A building is not very tall.

I'm a any probably crippled himself for life.

I don't know so.

I saw him go by.

And i said well.

I don't think.

I'm going crazy.

I think that was really a body that went by.

I know.

It was a body that went by so.

I hollered to the bathroom i that a game guess what.

Says yeah what is it.

I said the strangest thing just happened yeah.

Yeah human body jaw just dropped by my window.

His head was on top and his speed were that he was all lined up and he was dropping through the air he'd drop or.

I passed the window he said are bullshit.

I said no no really happen.

I'm not making it up.

He said ah come on you trying to be funny or not funny.

I said.

I know i'm not funny.

I said look at tell you what.

He has come on out here.

Come to the window and stick your head out the window and look down.

He said i arrived here.

I come became she stuck her head out the window and all i heard with ah ah know my day.

He ran a bathroom and pew didn't puke and cute.

Denies lay there as sat there and i said.

I told you so baby.

I told you so and i want to the refrigerator got a beer.

I felt better you know.

I don't know i felt better maybe because i was right you know so up my bare and i sat there and and drag it.

I still didn't look out the window you know because i was feeling bad.

This is where it happened and that's all areas.

Huh.

The we were no longer living together and.

I came over to fear on and i'm not gonna door.

There was nobody in the room and i opened the door.

And the bedcovers had been called back and it was a spot of blood that she about.

Little bit below the head.

And i found something very bad if the feel at a bird in the shadows a my room and everything with their the.

So i went downstairs through the.

Landlady and i said where's jane.

She said well the ambulance came and took her.

And i went to see or issue with an accounting general where i'd spent a lot of my time.

And so she was in a coma.

Upsetting.

And i wiped her face when i rang and she came another coma.

She recognized as she opened her eyes.

I knew it would be you you closed her eyes.

He never came out of it again.

Yeah that happen he died and maybe two days later.

For jan.

Two hundred twenty five days and grass.

And you know more than.

They have long take him near below.

Your at dry stick in a basket.

Is this how it works.

In this room.

They hours of le still shadow when you laugh you took almost everything hi neal and that nights before tigers.

That will not let the may be what you were while not happen again.

The tigers have found man and i do not care.

She was a beautiful on.

Okay forget it.

Huh.

Spread be the second woman.

I went to bed way.

The other was there.

Two hundred fifty pound or the three hundred pound.

That was at twenty four twenty five.

I was windy for twenty five.

He was around thirty five and she just accepted.

Me got me all this burns and.

I don't understand it but she was a real fine looking woman with body and good sense.

A little better man.

To me was like america of course.

I didn't act like it was very exciting because he just don't do that.

So i thought i really had some hi dear to have lots of trouble.

I sign can beautiful legs are high heels.

You add a cross your legs with them.

Skirt just sale kicking the here like this.

I'm talking all kinds of shit.

Nothing like beautiful names because with beautiful legs you always figure.

Even now you've only been there once or twice a might be something else bit and therapy science can't cat and how they might be something really marvelous.

This time it could be a can lead a good day.

Something that looking at the legs makes you dream.

Nothing there's anything wrong with a cat.

But i'm saying he always imagine some extra magic when you're looking at the outside portion of the nickname when you really were in in love with very limited lasted some time.

I was in love because her as personally paid any attention to me.

In my life.

I was flattered.

I used to say you had the most beautiful as have any man.

And this kind of bullshit.

One is taken easily the first time and each time and is taken again.

When has taken less easily can follow your taken again and again and you're not quite taken.

We accept that you know.

Anything else.

Down there was a good looker.

A bad men couldn't turn.

Standard because she would attack them physically the bottle of a sudden be sitting next to them in a bar throw up last.

My face are you know actor radically.

But she never did that with me except one time as an accurate that.

She did it twice not cured it twice and she never did it again.

I won't go into details.

Nothing torture is just counterbalance.

Psychology.

She was a looker.

And she had a strange.

Mad kind of sensibility that knew something what was this that most human beings are just aren't worth.

A shit.

And i felt that and she felt it so we had a working crown towards.

Song.

And then i know.

Our i am the only.

Not read what while be waited were.

They would find and a relationship between men and women.

That i cared more for the lamb and than they cared for me.

I was more interested.

And i'm are alive had him are humorous and mark joyful about our relationship.

The very fact that are written a book and such a manner as wanted to.

I was alive enough to write it and live through them.

And i am not the hero and a book.

I am not the vector you say what.

The feminist issue cause i'm reluctant far as he said this hated that.

But they never see when she did this.

She didn't that.

So i would say basically they are sick and i am wow.

Pardon me.

Okay.

Quiet clean girls and gang i'm dressers.

All i've ever known her horse x prostitutes madeleine.

I see man with client gentle a lemon.

I see them and i see them in the supermarkets.

I see them walking down the streets together.

I see them in their apartments a bullet peace living together.

I know that their pieces only partial that there is peace often hours and days of pace.

All i've ever known are pill freaks.

Alcoholics or ex prostitutes mad woman.

When one leaves another arrives worse center predecessor.

I see so many man was quiet clean girls and gang and dresses girls with faces that are not wolverine or predatory.

Don't never bring a horror around i tell.

My friends are fall in love with her.

You couldn't stand a good woman that tasking.

I need a good woman.

I need a good woman more than i need this typewriter more than i need my automobile more than i need mozart.

I need a good woman so badly that i can taste her in the air.

I can feel her at my fingertips.

I can see sidewalks built for her feet to walk upon.

I can see pillows her her head.

I can feel my waiting laughter.

I can see her petting a cat.

I can say her sleeping.

I can see her slippers on the floor.

I know that she exists.

At where is she a palm this earth as the horrors keep finding me.

Yeah where is she.

Now where at our.

Huh.

What are the places where you live big step to the by the carton way and alone play which were to last words before this one.

They were pretty similar to the library and.

Well.

I think of all places chain a nice dinner together whatever.

Sometimes a one week sometimes to leave sometimes two nights because we would fine.

We get a fancy real play.

Some would be also bring on a land where they would come in shape will give you a nice new thread around.

Here.

The rug is filthy and we don't like latest oh yes and jane.

A spy kids of thank you made hacked off dignified.

You know this one place wrapped up to green regard to remember some beautiful ran around and they just admired to.

I thought they thought we had time.

My had a fight one nitric oxide five or six hours and broken glass screaming.

I wish shit so.

I woke up my morning.

I said to turn and you know we're finished here.

Baby.

Bissonnette door popped open a guy had tears in his hand.

You're ruining my career.

I thought you were decent people.

You go to leave you go to leave your him.

I said okay buddy when they just give us what you're gonna so east into that.

All time be go from place to place with pair weeks ran never last a week.

We get refreshed.

Maybe broken mayors and we go our own and that's so tiresome.

We to knock on doors and similar we already knew they wouldn't grant us so we just.

And i don't know where the money came from my part time jobs and one morning else about three thirty in them now.

It was a battle levin in the morning and sunday morning.

My said hey chain.

One injuries and a bit me a drink.

I should wait a minute.

There's something wrong.

I parked my car and the middle a stream.

I'm blocking all traffic.

They've have my poor car with oh bullshit.

You some acid know i remember being drunk but couldn't find.

A parking space says about just pocket in the middle of street.

Oh bullshit bullshit will you know women are last thing.

They don't know what you're thinking and put on my clothes and i looked up the first street.

I couldn't.

Yeah i was a third street.

I blocked the whole street.

There was a car park there but luckily it was eleven o'clock in the morning and nobody on that street went to church and they're all of you know.

So i got him god and turn the key stars manchester hours.

Right now are my parks and and lock the whole.

Avenue was that necessary for them.

I don't remember what card was but you know they would barely started when i got into starter.

Those days were so.

All as drunk getting kicked the i had to cars one would break down have another.

It was a continuous going to bars getting into trouble getting kicked out of rooms.

It was attention that just.

But there was a lively and us there because we both didn't care for ship.

Oh you little right during this time what you able to right well.

It's all knock out now now and wasn't any time and then she'd be in jail on get around and be in jail.

She couldn't get me out so with a half.

What is this can say was like being in a war.

It never really ended.

This big heard.

I wouldn't go in there.

Only a fool would work well.

I might go in there hi motel you go and area pay fifteen minutes to get a bad.

And here we have broken down car for every got them watch the guy.

Where i used to live but now.

I somehow escaped which i'm very pleased about.

After the poor are and all right i just so goddamn and and.

Lots of actually here is an actual play was an action.

Still seems to be a good.

Who were you name which he was sound a whorehouse.

Sam the or house a.

Couple lesbian couple homosexuals upstairs couple drug dealer.

It's kind of become family.

Now.

It's become much nicer again fish.

Damn glad i'm not living here now.

It's not quite five.

Atmosphere change.

So i really don't know.

This is where road and women.

That's where i did my research.

What i'm used to sit on a cabbage one morning.

I had three of them sitting around the mailman case.

Yes be the next day a copy of do and how to get out the problem is now you get.

It was you get rid of it.

So.

Sometimes people think you've got a good thing and get a bad.

It worked down turn into ride.

Always sound you hear sounds of my children with different know.

But before that you were living in a similar place.

A court i've always lived in courts are like court.

Come in drown leave drown he's not like an apartment.

No.

When the hearing you doing.

In a neighborhood a murder.

The roaches spit out paper clips.

The helicopter circles and circles smelling for blood.

Searchlights layering down and to our bedroom.

Five guys in this court and a pistol.

Another chat.

We are all murderers and alcoholics.

But there are worse and the hotel across the street.

They sit and the green and white doorway.

Beno and depraved waiting to be institutionalized.

Here we each have a small green plant in the window.

And on we fight with are women at three am we speak softly.

And on h porch is a small dish your food.

I was eaten by morning we presume.

By the cats.

Oh zoot suit well.

That was during world war two and.

Of course.

I was one of the few guys who was not interested in the world war two.

It's very patriotic time.

You know now you know the.

The jane fonda anti war things didn't take much courage now because every but it was against them.

She said there screaming we're our ass against the war.

It doesn't take any encourage you know a during world war two.

If you were against the war may have you are a cockroach.

But like our said.

Ernie good wars are only bad worth guys get killed.

I get the balls blown off and somebody wins.

Somebody loses well that's all over in the smoke.

Clears just read corruption recurrence but getting back the suit theaters.

They were about my only allies because i wasn't interested in the war.

And.

The mexicans who aren't either because they were starving on the side of our way.

So they were quite need these mexicans.

They wore these things called zoot suit and like cause they carried a little as razors and go around attack thing.

The us troops cutting sailors throat murdering them beating the shit out of them and gangs.

And to that was quite beautiful because it was so much against the tide.

The american feelings and patriotism.

At that shit these guys are just like i am and i'm interested in the war.

In fact they even don't like it why didn't this like eyes and matter didn't matter to me now.

I didn't want to cut a sailor's through.

He wants to go the war let him.

Go hey baby save the world but these guys were actually.

Quiet magic am.

I felt a great affinity towards them but i didn't want to join a guys because what's a wider gonna come in a man.

I have the a cut a sailor out in our egg is this white face go.

But anyhow and any against the the normal tied when the tide is going on this way and any group stands up and goes a little bit that way they interest me very much.

The so easy just to go.

So the suit suitors were very interesting and now i guess in our towns.

I become and a magic heroes.

I make a little plays about them in the.

But at that time it was very difficult for them and finally the navy got very angry against the mexicans and they would just sailors would go and to east l a just.

Grab a mexican and just beat the shit out of me and i'm in run through the whole town.

I just started beating up mexican yeah because all mexicans were zoot suit.

So you know that's how that went that ended up badly that's more guys the navy than her and zoot suit is so there you go.

Well it's a very glamorous gang.

I like the are swelling against authority at that time.

That's all hmmm.

When i start drinking now drink two or three bombs wine and nine but i type.

I always do my work on drinking so.

It's okay.

Before you do a reading know he do it incredible amount of drinking more than you usually do fear you don't have.

Yet when you get a anastasia don't look at least bit afraid he said an actor so because you.

Joe i'm not gay.

Once i get out a look at them no one.

I do.

I take one tiny sweet the his second or third and i see these faces.

I was certain i feel completely superior.

I know what happens but because the addition of the faces men and women.

There's no challenge.

So once i get there i smooth out the biggest before.

I see them on.

I'm waiting.

I imagine the see an audience of a strange time.

Group you know but once a take the glance.

It's all alone.

So it's grades i read it on through there's no fear i'm on my game technically beautifully course in a drink too much mine just guy.

But there's no fear the family line at the birds.

The can't be fair because i look at them what am i looking at.

Plan.

What's there to fear.

So i read get my money and go.

So do you think you it what you do on.

The stage is a little bit affected by their expectation of believe you're right.

I believe in a sense before.

I begin reading.

I know they expect the drunken an.

Idiot clown kind of creature so i give them man.

You don't think that any danger to your integrity is the courses again during to my integrity.

But if i have enough integrity left over on be our way depends upon how much you're loaded.

That's why don't read them action if i were doing for giving away my integrity once a week and i would be in danger the once every two years.

It's like a mosquito bite.

I don't like job.

A load of money.

I have nothing against money and giving give me all the money.

Will ratios.

Because i've been dead broke so many times was so then drove star so now.

I realize the value of money.

As tremendous money as imagine.

Take all and again hello but never miss a meal again.

But when you have to match addition point.

Not yet give me some aren't test match should be able to him.

He to the track.

That there's nothing that you that you want that you don't have right now is there really any of think about things like that.

You don't want to sail blessing now.

Is more privacy and on and like.

I would like to be alone.

Like the phone rings too often.

There's too many cameras on our land and that kind of accepted.

But it's not me when they things are.

Gonna go back to the room and i become myself again.

Often times suppose down all shades like i used to just lay down around her five or six hours just alone.

Just lay in bed and get something back some kind of choose just being away from people and the most marvelous fulfillment.

A man like me can.

Just absence of humanity is a fulfillment so graceful that even godwin understand if he advantage.

Nobody probably too.

And do.

A lan.

Is this were on a pretty little girls and the audience or alla little groupies.

They are under.

I don't want to come see me after reading that elena.

Suck my middle finger hey kid yeah.

I have my autograph day me.

That's what destroy out.

Okay huh crack.

Too much too little.

You fat toussaint or nobody.

Laughter or tears.

Haters lovers.

Strangers with face as like the back so lamb tax.

Armies running through streets of blood.

Waving a wine bottle it's a and netting and fucking virgin.

Or an old guy in a cheaper what a photograph of am monroe.

There was a loneliness and this world so great and you can see it in a slow movement of the hands of a club.

April so tired mutilated either by the love art know alive.

April are just not good to each other one on one.

The richer not good to the rich the poor are not good to the poor.

We are afraid.

Our educational system tells us that we can all be a gas winner.

Hasn't told us about the gutters or the suicide.

Or that terror of one person.

In one place along.

I'm touched and spoken to watering a plan.

April are not good to each other.

April are not good to each other.

He bo are not good to each other.

I suppose they never will be.

I didn't ask them to be.

At some times i think about it.

The beads will slang the clouds well cloud and the killer will be head the child.

I'm taking a bite out of an ice cream cone.

Too much too little.

Too fat.

Thin or know buddy.

More haters than lovers.

A bowl or not good to each other.

Perhaps if they were er das would not be so sad.

Meanwhile i look at young girl.

Stammers flowers of champ.

There must be away.

Surely there must be a way we have not yet thought who put this brain and side of man.

It cries it demands.

It says there is a chance.

It will not say no whoa.

Huh.

Yeah walked in the employment office and the guy looked at me says well.

What do you want.

I said.

I need a job hell.

I need a job that he says you're higher in a laugh.

You never lifted any heavy weights.

I said i used to frighten the ring.

He said why if said yeah.

I bought a couple you six around your three rounders down in arizona.

Watch your name is i fought under the name.

I don't know my promoter comic kid something.

That is it hard to do.

I said i lost all faith by said.

I'm strong.

I was starving to death.

And had a male and ban.

You know as china beer rioters.

I tried it.

I was off that.

So they hired me says i like your spirit.

When approaching with a bunch of canadian next flyers from world war two.

I said great i just work with little to napkin.

Tin cans are high class boys.

I can tell your high class.

I said okay thank you so finally.

I showed up at my little card at punched in a went in a canadian exports flyers but when of the big bunch of eight foot and blacks with three foot shoulders and full of white adrian.

Guy said cuba casting se yeah so.

A where your boots as.

Put these on them your boots i put em on and with three sizes too small.

This is your hat.

Ten had on my head.

That i was starving.

And then he said this is what you do man and isn't a conquered be flattered thing for running on hook for keep running would come one after another.

And he should watch that man wedding.

And shit you don't have the darling for three weeks at a pick up this big thing on my shoulder one that hooked drops you catch it.

I caught it.

This is what a god for china be a rioters starving or and get this hunk of dead there and my shoulder and the bones korean to my shoulder like nice.

Cardiff an hour a week for and been all blacks are him and or thinking why they can't do it why the.

Pansy ass cause he's white.

I knew what they were thinking sigh and a kid.

But i wasn't really wide.

I was starving and as but they didn't understand that part.

At the take a new taken in a truck.

And you gotta lifted off his shoulder like this nasa hook on a truck that carries these things.

Only instead of the hook being very sharp so you can hope this thing on it.

You know like out like a tiny razor blade.

It's like the and years from see a very tired and you reach this thing out and you try to go.

Like that they won't poke through.

Cause are all your strength as for lifting the surface shoulder trying to poke it through and you can say is just a will try to work through the skin as a big black guy behind your well fed strong and young ain't worried.

About writing poems is that a to he won't take his but this world is full of eggs and bear the come on man what the fuck get that.

I may the ago.

You never beg for mercy that's so or slave and eric.

Finally a pocket through and you go gam and the circle goes again.

It comes another one.

It can't shoot hurts again.

He said ah shit.

I can't fail because and why they think is only white and black.

They don't realize i'm staring.

I wanna write a poem or right assured stereo and erotic novel.

I don't want to carry.

This dead a hunk of made on my shoulder but they thing is just black white black white why two week.

I was awake as i was tiring.

But still i had some kind of guts.

I went on for hours.

How can work.

And i i.

Guys no two hours only one two hours.

I'm sorry and finally some.

I said coffee break.

And a little coffee track.

Some i could see the lights and get sit down and watch sugary pastries.

Hot steam rising look like god himself had arrived on wheels with the jews of goodness and glory.

I said and get a cup of coffee.

I can eat this night.

Oh shit out beat these guys even i think it's only white against black you know.

I'm starving to them eat their asses and adam my guts western moving toward the coffee all blacks or guy.

It serves a black and white story about it is.

All a black workers are going toward the saying and i might have been one wigan that in san.

I comes as big hand on my shoulder.

Cascade.

Innocent he said.

A for you take your coffee break man.

I want you to move that truck from a stall say six.

The stall say nine what the heck is.

This on that truck driver never driven a truck the size of three houses.

I said this guy once again as testing my guts.

So what am i gonna do now have any sense you know you're so dizzy from starving.

I would to said i demand my coffee break.

I'll get my coffee.

Then i'll move your trap.

But you know you're so weekend then so terrified and so fucked up.

I said all right.

Don't i wanted this big huge track star know.

We're really i clamber up and their and never driven.

I can't even drive a fucking car.

This thing is huge.

So i clamber up into the goddamn and got my ten head.

I'm sweating sick.

I look for the ignition key.

I started i've kind of i knew true.

Then.

I look down you know what's in those big trucks.

It's the only one set of things you know like a river.

You have about six sets the pedals living there.

It's amazing it's like a piano.

I said well now at my fuck am i gonna tell which one of these do.

I it.

I just got pissed off and i hit on.

I put it in assuming river and i let it out and the whole big.

This age thing started backing up.

I said.

Well.

I'm doing it.

That's what.

I was supposed to do son care of this huge big track.

I circled it around here with style six a circle at all around further back like a real tracker and i pulled it up a circle.

It back.

The whole fucking thing back or weekly and to start six the.

Then.

I was completely lost my last manager.

I said well i gotta get out and get the cup of coffee.

So i opened the door.

In as a little step useful to take on the way down.

I saw it with you know your body get so tired your.

I see the step foot sees it.

It somehow you.

Miss is kind of a haze.

Said dropped all away from the can't around on flat on my back to call him determine.

I cut apis shit.

So i stood a i walked around back the track and just as i was leaving just as i was walking around the back.

The track your came at little coffee track is dropping dropping away driving off to go the next plan.

So locked on tour.

Guerra was working a gases okay because get ready go back to work.

And sang.

The way i walked up there's a little players should go where the you enter.

To get in.

I have my have my ten had on.

And the guy the for and the guards place.

I put my ten have town.

He says what a gang.

I said i quit.

He said where are we gonna send your pay said forget it.

Keep it was it off.

I get all a shock and work at i park.

I didn't get any.

I didn't.

I'm an asshole.

What they're doing.

They were testing my courage but they're what they didn't realize my body was so weak.

I could hear medallist challenges.

Since i was starving to death at piss me off that the challenge me i have to be white not understanding that even a white starve to death or go crazy.

So this is an anti black statement they didn't treat me or allow the later on and factories and that's some good fellow.

That was a bad experience what's that appears.

Huh.