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You're a fine one, Vickers Cavendish.

Wasting your time reading

when you should be thinking up some scheme to defraud.

Listen to me, you little pipsqueak.

Reading this book gives me the idea for a master stroke

that will take us out of this miserable hole

and set us up in Mayfair

with enough money to last us the rest of our lives.

You're balmy.

You must be,

else how would you get such notions just from reading?

Around the World in Eighty Days.

Doubtless this is news to you, Filch,

but Phileas Fogg bet his entire fortune

that he could go around the world in 80 days.

And he did it, winning £20,000

from his skeptical friends in the Reformers Club.

Hey. 20,000 quid?

Not half bad.

The day Mr. Fogg started on his trip,

the Bank of England was robbed of £55,000.

Very clever of him, to be sure.

But it wasn't Mr. Fogg who robbed the bank.

Scotland Yard just thought he did it,

planning his trip to get the money out of the country.

What happened to the bloke what stole it?

They caught him.

If he'd done away with Mr. Fogg,

he could have spent the rest of his days in Clover

without ever being suspected.

Well, what has this got to do with us, Mr. Cavendish?

Mr. Stuart to you, from now on.

I have a plan, Filch.

It's a beauty.

And wait till you hear the name of the pigeon I've lined up.

Well, all right! Who is the pigeon?

Another Fogg!

Here, listen to this.

"Phileas Fogg III,

"born 1940,

"great grandson of Phileas Fogg I.

"Occupation, landowner.

"Member, Reformers Club, London.

"Residence, Twickenham on Thames."

7:46 and nine seconds.

Mr. Fogg will be here in exactly three minutes and 51 seconds.

Don't strip your gears! I'm always on schedule!

Yeah?

Yesterday, you were 40 seconds late with his kippers.

I was so embarrassed, I felt like turning in my sideburns.

Well, a guy can have an off-day now and then.

Being on time is just as important to Mr. Fogg

as it was to the idol he patterns his life after,

his great great granddaddy, Phileas Fogg I.

There was a strong will.

Died two months after the doctors gave him up.

Yeah. The only time he was ever late in his life.

You have exactly three minutes to

bring this down from 56 degrees to 48.

By the way, where's frizzletop?

I haven't seen him since he went out to get the morning newspaper.

That mongoose will be the death of me.

We have to start breakfast promptly at 7:49

so Mr. Fogg can leave for the Reformers Club at 8:11.

See? Racing like a motorcycle.

Let me see.

106.

106?

They left it in the swimming pool today.

I see, the Tadpole edition!

Yeah, the Tadpole edition.

Wait a minute! That's for now.

Remind me to kill you later.

I had enough brains to steal this from

the Duke's palace next door.

You thought I was stupid, didn't you?

Now I'm sure of it.

Come on, get going.

Synchronize your watches.

7:48 and 10 seconds.

Man your posts!

He's coming down the main staircase.

He's walking through the library.

It's 7:49. And here he is!

- Good morning, boys! - Good morning, Mr. Fogg!

Your napkin, sir.

Your morning paper, sir.

10 seconds to kipper!

Your kippers, sir, right on the dot.

Moe, about how long would you say

I've been having kippers for breakfast?

Well, man and boy, I'd say we've been eating our kippers

every day for...

It must be 11 years, sir.

Time for a change. Yes.

Starting tomorrow, I'd like sausages.

Those ugly little brown... Sausages?

Five minutes past 8:00, right on time! Excellent.

Well, I'm off to the Reformers Club

and mind you, starting tomorrow,

sausages!

How would you like a coffee break in the head?

I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, Moe.

Hey, Moe. Did I hear right?

Did he say sausages?

That's what I thought he said.

But I'm geared for kippers. He hasn't...

Okay, so we broke a 100 year old tradition.

Back to the scullery. There ought to be a law.

And as for you, porcupine,

you have about 52 seconds to get your hat

and get Mr. Fogg to his club.

Now lean on it!

His great grandfather didn't use sausages, you know.

Come on, get going.

Kippers take 11 minutes to broil.

Sausages take four minutes more.

Four goes into 12... 20...

It can't be done!

I'm sorry, Moe, but the door swung

and all the dishes are broke.

Well, don't distress yourself, lad.

No? You didn't break everything.

I didn't? Here's one you missed.

Now, dignify yourself and put that hat back on.

Moe. That hurt me more than it did you.

9:05. Right on time, sir.

I'll expect you at 5:18 as usual.

Yes, sir.

Good morning, Mr. Fogg. Good morning.

Good morning, Phileas. Chap here's been asking for you,

and, I might add, raising quite a ruckus.

Who might this chap be?

He's a stranger. He's not one of our sort, really.

You know, trumpeting around here like a bull elephant.

He says he just arrived from Melbourne.

Mr. Fogg, sir.

You wished to see me?

I did!

All my life, I've looked forward to the day when I might

square accounts with the heir of that rascal

who cheated my great grandfather!

Cheated?

Who are you to come in here and talk to me like this?

Randolph Stuart III,

great grandson of that distinguished barrister,

a former member of this very club.

One of the clique who bet against Phileas Fogg.

Precisely,

and as a man of honor,

my great grandfather had no choice but to do away with himself

when Fogg's base trickery wiped him out!

Trickery?

My great great grandfather won fairly and squarely!

Hear! Hear!

- Hear! - Hear!

Come, come, Mr. Fogg.

When he used his wealth

to bribe steamship captains and port officials?

He'd have failed miserably if it hadn't been for his money!

I disagree, sir!

He could have gone around the world without spending a farthing.

He'd have done it on his wits, if necessary.

Yes, but he didn't, Mr. Fogg,

and I say you couldn't, either!

If I set my mind to it, sir, I say I could!

A cheap and arrogant boast, sir,

or would you be willing to back it up as your ancestor did,

by wagering £20,000?

Around the world without money? Ridiculous!

Impossible! Don't get involved with this man!

It can't be done, Phileas. Forget it.

Well, Mr. Fogg?

You have a bet, sir.

£20,000, I can go around the world without spending a farthing!

Done!

I'll draw up an agreement and meet you at the Regent Street Bank to sign it

at 10:30 sharp tomorrow morning.

I'll be there.

10:30, sharp.

Good.

I say, Phileas, you feeling quite all right?

I say, old man, surely, you can't be serious?

I've never been more serious in my life.

Well, I tricked him into it.

The fool agreed!

He did, he did?

I've got to hand it to you, Mr. Cavendish.

It's all going to work out beautiful.

Yes, provided that currency shipment

arrives at the bank precisely at the time you told me.

It will. It will.

I've checked it all week.

It arrives at exactly 10:37 every day.

Good.

I say, Phileas, that was terribly rash of you.

Even your intrepid great great grandfather

would have turned down a bet as ridiculous as that.

Going around the world without spending a ruddy farthing?

"Fogg's Folly," I call it.

Pretty good, what?

If you're all so sure I'm going to fail,

I'd be happy to accommodate you with a few side bets.

£5,000. Make that 10, if you like.

Put me in for five.

I'll take five of that.

Done!

According to this agreement, Mr. Fogg,

if you depart today, March 5th,

you must be back at the Reformers Club in 80 days.

Entirely correct, sir.

Will you kindly sign all three copies of the agreement?

Good morning, Mr. Willoughby!

Here's today's currency shipment.

Now, remember, Mr. Fogg...

Excuse me.

You're not only prohibited from buying any sort of transportation,

a steamer, train, plane, etc.,

but also from doing any sort of work

to pay for your passage.

I'm fully aware of that, sir. You have my word.

My £20,000 for Mr. Stuart

in the event I lose. And...

Excuse me.

And, mine

for Mr. Fogg in the unlikely event I lose.

Very well, gentlemen.

I should say our business is concluded.

I'll deposit these with our chief clerk.

Good luck and all that sort of thing, Mr. Fogg.

Thank you, sir.

Well, I'm off to Brighton for the weekend.

Thank you.

Mr. Fogg, would you mind?

Just until I get this safely tucked away in my wallet.

Excuse me for a moment,

that teller could help me.

Join you in half a minute.

That gentleman with the bag over there

was asking directions to Piccadilly Circus.

I'm a stranger here myself.

It's just two blocks south, sir, a five minute stroll.

Well, thank you kindly.

Not at all.

Thanks so much, Mr. Fogg,

and in parting, may I wish you bon voyage?

In like spirit, Mr. Stuart, my best wishes to you.

Thank you.

Home as fast as you can make it, Larry.

I've got to be on my way.

Yes, sir.

Full throttle, Filch!

Good heavens!

Shredded wheat!

No!

It'll work.

Shh! Let me do the talking.

Here's my wallet, credit cards, everything.

No good to me on this trip.

I can't understand what's detaining Larry with my bag.

There he is, sir.

Why, you imbecile, you.

Out of my way.

Surprise me sometime.

Do something right!

What is all this? I gave orders I wanted to travel light.

Well, you see, sir...

A truck apiece for the four of us, sir.

You see, we've decided we have to go along.

You decided?

Who's going to lay out your day togs for daywear?

And your night togs for nightmares?

And most important, who's going to serve you tea every day

the way you want it?

Brewed six minutes and five seconds,

with just a dash of lemon?

By Jove, that is important.

Besides, didn't we hear you say

that you had to figure out a way

to get from here to Istanbul

without purchasing a ticket or working your way over?

Of course, but...

Then leave everything to us.

Remember, you're dealing with born chiselers.

Why, I suppose... you won't regret it, sir.

Well, we'd better get started.

I'll lock up. The rest of you, take care of the luggage.

Yes. Good.

boy! We're going around the world

on our wits.

With your wits, you won't get past the front door.

Come on, bend over.

You, give me a hand.

Right here.

Up!

Easy, easy there. Easy there now.

Steady now.

Easy does it.

Easy for who?

Where are you? Here I am.

Get on the other side.

Easy, now. There we go.

All right, now.

Easy, Moe, easy.

Hey, imbecile! Give me a hand. Okay.

Here we go. Easy now. Easy.

Hold steady, now.

Now.

Give it to me. Heave!

There we are.

Steady now, kid. Easy. Steady.

Diagonally. Lead him out while I get my umbrella.

Okay.

Go ahead now.

Come on, follow me.

Come on this way.

Come on.

Boy!

Hey, Larry, something's missing.

Get this off my head.

All right.

Easy, Moe.

Sorry, Moe. Sorry. Low bridge.

Pardon me? Low mentality!

Come here, you! Come here.

Easy, easy, easy.

What are you trying to do, knock my brains out?

Don't you know me? Don't I belong with you?

What's the matter with you?

It was an accident!

They didn't build the house right.

I'm positive, Inspector, he's the one.

Left the bank with the satchel and carried it right to the street.

Mr. Fogg was sitting next to me,

right where I placed the money.

Yes, Cruikshanks?

The men went out to Twickenham as ordered, sir.

Found the house locked up and completely deserted.

Looks like our pigeon flew the coop.

Yes. Thank you.

Mr. Willoughby, I'm very much afraid that you're the victim of a shrewd plot

inspired by the original around-the-world trip

of the first Phileas Fogg,

but whereas that gentleman was unjustly accused of bank robbery,

his great great grandson appears to have pulled the job off,

inventing these ridiculous bets to cover up his flight with the money.

Cruikshanks, send out an all-points bulletin for Phileas Fogg.

Warn all outgoing ships, trains, and planes.

35, 40, 45.

£50,000 of spanking new banknotes.

Ruddy good, I'd say, for an afternoon's work.

Plus the £20,000

that I'm going to win from Phileas Fogg!

His check isn't rubber, like mine.

Well, what if he gets back in 80 days?

He won't! I'll take care of Mr. Fogg.

Hey, fellas, wait for me!

All clear, Mr. Fogg.

Let's see. We've been underway 11 hours and 32 minutes.

I calculate our speed at 16 1/2 knots per hour,

so we must be about 184 miles out of London.

Excellent.

Do you nitwits know it's 7:45?

We'd better get going or we'll be late

serving Mr. Fogg his breakfast.

I say. Let's forgo our schedule for the duration.

No, I'd rather we wouldn't, sir.

You see, we need it for our morale.

Hear! Hear! And a pip-pip!

I wonder where the kitchen is.

That's galley, lamebrain!

Galley, schmalley. What's the difference

if we don't know where it is?

What are you sniffing?

Ham and eggs. Sunny side up!

We'll be right back, Mr. Fogg.

Hey, buttonhead,

did you say you smelled ham and eggs?

Yep. In butter.

Where?

Come on.

Your paper, sir.

Try to get some dessert.

What are you waiting for? Snag the pie.

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stop your pushing!

You ain't got nothing to worry about, sir.

I told those roughnecks who you are,

and when the captain finds out that you're Phileas Fogg III,

you'll get the red-carpet treatment and an apology! Your troubles are over.

"Inspector Crotchet, Scotland Yard.

"Phileas Fogg,

"reported wanted by Scotland Yard for bank robbery,

"seized aboard this ship.

"Turning over to authorities at Istanbul.

"J.T. Singleton, Captain, Star of Turkey."

Excellent!

Cruikshanks? Yes, sir?

Get me a seat aboard the first plane for Istanbul.

Right away, sir.

Will address Parliament on the 23rd of next month.

A bulletin.

The BBC has just learned that the fugitive, Phileas Fogg,

wanted for robbing the Regent Street Bank of £50,000,

has been seized aboard the SS Star of Turkey bound for Istanbul

and will be turned over to authorities pending extradition.

Now the derby results from Upson Downs...

Blast!

Now he'll spill his insides, he will.

It'll be the word of a gentleman against two rascals.

Even a gentleman can't talk if he's dead.

Dead?

I get you.

We do what the chap in that there book should have done.

Exactly.

Filch,

we're off for exotic Istanbul.

While our comfort has left something to be desired, chaps,

at least we've arrived in Istanbul right on schedule.

Good. That's very good.

All ashore, gentleman.

You're free.

But you won't be for long.

What are you getting at, zombie?

You'll find out, won't they, Harry?

I'll say.

Yeah, and you'll be glad to be back here again

once you see the inside of one of them Turkish jails!

Turkish jail! On what charges?

As if you didn't know!

Righto, come on, you blokes, out of it.

Look lively now. Get that door open.

Get them out. Quick as you can...

Good work, Mr. Fogg.

Let the blighter have it.

Now let me have the billy club

and I'll get another one for you.

Come on.

Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy.

Let's go for the hold.

Okay? Come on.

Mr. Cavendish, look!

Inspector Crotchet of the Yard.

Careful, Filch.

Over here.

Hold it!

You have to be so rough?

Coast is clear.

Larry, Joe? You all right?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Fine! Just great.

Mr. Fogg, are you all right, sir?

Top hole!

Come quick!

"Maharajah of Karengore. Calcutta, India."

Odds!

Odds! Evens!

It's a good thing you don't carry a briefcase.

Chaps, this is our 22nd day,

and we're a good two days ahead of our timetable,

thanks to Joe's marvelous idea of traveling C.O.D.

Yeah, but suppose the Maharajah don't pay the freight?

Then they'll send us back where we came from.

I'm not worried, Moe.

Remember, he was host to my family

on all their tiger-hunting trips.

It's 40 minutes past Mr. Fogg's breakfast.

Now, we'll man our posts,

but first, shut that door

so Mr. Fogg doesn't catch cold.

Right? Places. Carry on.

Come on, Nanny. Mr. Fogg won't drink his coffee without cream.

Hey, I'd like to have two eggs for Mr. Fogg. We're late now.

Eggs, hey. Come on.

Eggs! Two!

Coffee's ready. Come on with the cream.

Hold it! Thanks.

We're late! Hey, Moe. I can't get no...

What are you doing?

Sorry, Mr. Fogg, we had difficulty with your breakfast.

Well, we got you coffee anyhow.

Yeah, coffee.

What was that?

Hey, the brakeman.

The brakeman!

Let go of me!

Let go!

Let go! Let go of me!

Let go!

A damsel in distress!

Come on, let's go.

Now, see here, you chaps!

Good work, Mr. Fogg.

Let me introduce

Curly-Joe,

Moe and Larry.

And I'm Phileas Fogg III of Twickenham on Thames, England.

Well, I'm Amelia Carter of Council Bluffs, Iowa.

What were you doing with those characters?

Well, I was with a tour doing India.

In Janupur this morning,

I hired those two men as guides.

Well, one look at them, and you could tell right away

that all they do is guide you right into trouble.

I no sooner got into their car,

than they grabbed my purse,

and I realized I was being kidnapped.

They wouldn't believe the truth.

They thought I was an heiress, like all American girls.

Well, we'll take you

to the very first American consul we can find,

or perhaps the Maharajah would be willing to help.

The Maharajah?

Quite! Our host, if all goes well,

and I'm sure he'd be delighted

to offer you his protection.

He would?

Dear! And me a sight to behold.

No comb, no lipstick, not even a mirror.

I wouldn't say that. Here.

Thank you.

Now, you see,

here's Calcutta, here,

and here's the Maharajah's palace,

just across the Karengore River,

about 25 miles out of town.

Now, owing to monsoons at this time of year,

we may have trouble getting across this bridge.

Could be completely underwater.

Well, don't worry.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Pardon me. May I have the mirror?

Certainly. Thank you.

You know, a sharp crack deserves a sharp answer.

Yeah.

Why, I ought to...

Will you cut it out? What's the matter? You crazy?

You want to give her a bad impression?

Easy, easy.

Careful, careful.

It may contain something fragile.

Now, come. Open them.

Well, Kandu,

my subjects seem to be sending their birthday gifts early this year.

And it's my guess, extremely valuable, Your Highness,

well worth the 5,000 rupees we paid for the shipping charges.

Kandu, look!

Hey!

My! Hello, Ra-ha...

What's the matter?

What in the name of the sacred apes of Kashmir is this?

Permit us to introduce ourselves, Your Highness.

Miss Amelia Carter of Council Bluffs, Iowa,

and I am Phileas Fogg III,

whose family has long enjoyed

the gracious hospitality of this palace.

Phileas Fogg? That's right, Maha.

We work for him.

My uncle Gus had a lodge uniform

that looked exactly like yours.

The Loyal Order of the Timberwolves.

Silence!

I happen to listen faithfully to the BBC, Mr. Fogg.

And I know all about you.

Wanted in every country on earth.

Wanted?

For what, if you'd be good enough to explain?

Come, come, Mr. Fogg. You know the reason as well as I do.

5,000 rupees.

Take them away. Hold on, Your Highness.

Look, I have no idea what this is all about,

but in any event, this young lady is not involved,

and I insist

that she be freed immediately.

Very well, Mr. Fogg.

I shall accept your word.

Take her to the women's quarters and see that she is...

Shall we say, made more presentable.

And lock up the others.

Wait! Wait!

I've got friends in Parliament.

All right, take it easy.

We didn't do nothing, fellas.

What you doing?

You know, we prefer the penthouse.

I hope you have the good sense

not to cause any trouble,

like the snake charmer did

who was in here before you.

Yeah? What kind of phony rap did you pin on him?

Charming cobras without a license.

Cobras!

In you go!

Can't we talk? Don't shove!

Can't we talk it over?

Look, fellas, we're a...

We protest, buddy boy!

You better change the linen here.

Yeah. Linen?

Linens in this place?

Well, I meant the straw.

Look at that stuff. Hoo-Hoo.

Hey, fellas,

there's a snake in there.

Snake!

Come on, come on. Let us out!

Help! Change this room!

Excuse me, Your Highness.

The police are here from Calcutta

with a warrant for Mr. Fogg's arrest.

Police?

I gave no orders to notify the police.

They say they've been trailing him for days.

I see.

Well, send them in.

Remember, Filch, I'll do the talking.

Your Highness.

Welcome, gentleman.

We should like to take Mr. Fogg

to Calcutta immediately, if it please Your Highness.

I have all necessary papers.

There is no need. You may have him.

But you must be weary after your long journey.

You need food and rest.

Thank you, Your Highness,

but the British authorities

are anxious to speed extradition.

They can wait a day longer.

My good friend, the Commissioner of Police,

would consider it a personal affront

if I permitted you to leave without,

without enjoying my hospitality.

He don't like my music.

He's not supposed to like it.

He's got to hate it.

Then he comes out, sees you,

goes out of his mind,

while he's out, I clobber him.

Now go ahead and play.

I played everything I know.

Well, Larry, don't play that Weasel song,

because when I hear that, you know, something pops!

Don't play it.

It's coming up next. Larry, no.

Larry, don't play...

Larry. Larry, don't play it.

Hey, hey. Curly-Joe.

Did you hurt yourself?

Well, I didn't do myself any good.

Why did you have to play that song?

All right, take it easy.

At least he got us out of that snake pit.

Now's our chance! Let's find Miss Carter and get out of here.

What'll I do with this?

Keep it. We may need it.

Now relax, please.

Now I tell you what we do...

Filch, watch your manners.

Whatever happened to Miss Carter?

I sent word she was to join me for dinner.

I suppose the usual feminine tardiness, Your Highness.

she'll be along at any moment now.

I've arranged for some entertainment for you, while we wait.

There! I'm sure His Highness will be pleased.

How do you do? Me Visiting Poopendyke,

official guest of the Maharajah for moose-hunting.

Tiger-hunting! Tiger-hunting, yes.

He, Maharajah of Musclebean. Yes.

We are official bodyguards also double as man Friday.

And Saturday.

We bring a new bride for your master.

She, the sister of Gunga Din.

Me, Ginga Din!

I take Miss Carter, you take Ginga.

You know, the old switcheroo.

Out, out! Everybody.

Go! Go! Beat it. Beat it!

Go!

Where in the world did you get these...

We haven't got time now. We'll explain later.

As a matter of fact, we should be on our way to Tokyo!

Yes, let's get out of here before we get in more trouble.

We'll sneak out under cover of the music.

Hey, Moe, are you sure you know where you're going?

Excuse me, Your Highness.

Will you let me go?

I'm sorry.

What's the matter with you?

Look, I'll tell you what you do.

When you get to the...

Guards! Guards!

Okay, easy now, fella.

We didn't do anything.

Okay.

What's all this?

What's the matter with you, you clumsy ox?

I'm sorry, Moe. I didn't...

Why, Miss Carter!

You look positively ravishing.

Take your mistress to the table!

I'll handle this.

Well, gentlemen,

I don't believe I've had the honor.

Highness, we're a new act.

This is Maharajah Musclebeanie.

He is the greatest sharpshooter this side of Chicago.

I see,

one of Kandu's surprises, apparently.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Very well, then. Entertain us.

Thank you.

What, what?

Hey, wait, wait! I've got an idea.

Got your old plan with the glasses?

Do you think... Okay, stand by.

Do you think it'll work?

I hope he knows what he's doing.

Hey, maybe it will. Who knows?

Watch your P's and Q's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your Highness.

Ladies and gentlemen,

there is no expense been spared

in bringing the next attraction to this palace.

With his mental agility, muscular control,

and keenness of eye...

I'll put the glasses on for disguise.

This man is the sensation of three continents.

Where is everybody? Guide me.

He speaks very little of our language,

so I was asked to act as his interpreter.

I take great pleasure

in presenting for your approval,

his Royal Highness, the Maharajah of Sallibad.

Sallibad!

Benny?

How do you do?

My goodness.

That was a good spill.

Thanks, mister.

Here's the chair here, Rajah.

There.

Now, the Rajah never on any occasion

uses a helper, assistant or confederate,

but for this particular group of tricks,

we'd like to have a young man...

Here I am.

That's a young man!

What does the Rajah do?

We shall see.

Maha?

Rajah?

you do?

Nothing.

Nothing? Nothing.

Boy!

The Rajah says

he's an expert pistol shot, marksman and sharpshooter,

that he has spent the better part of his life

as Chief Pistol Instructor in the Musselyeben Junior FBI.

His pistol record?

...shots out of a possible 300.

That's without bullets.

Shut up!

What will be his first trick?

We shall see.

Maha?

Rajah!

You've got a trick, for goodness sakes?

With the rayseenos.

Rayseenos?

That rayseenos, you going to hit it?

That rayseenos, I'm going to smash it.

Boy!

The Rajah says that he will, without the aid of a telescope,

shoot a raisin from the top of this gentleman's head.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it.

Shoot what raisin from which gentleman's head?

Pardon me for calling you a gentleman.

That's better. Get down here or I'll crash you.

California seedless.

Get a pistola.

Pistol? Yes, pistola.

Pistola.

No pistola.

No pistola? No pistola.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Rajah states that he has misplaced his pistol,

therefore, we will have to skip this trick entirely,

don't you see?

Here, use mine.

Thank you.

Maha?

Rajah! Pistola.

Pistola, where?

Pistola!

Bluff it.

My pistol, please.

What will the Rajah's next trick be?

We shall see.

Maha?

Rajah!

If you've got a trick, for goodness sakes, do something.

with knives.

My goodness!

The Rajah says that, at this time,

he will throw the razor-edged daggers

at random.

Random? Get him up here!

Hey, Randy. Come on.

Pardon me, Mr. Random.

You don't think I'm going to let that blind bat throw

knives at me, do you?

Blind bat? Yeah.

Why, he can see better than you can, and I can prove it.

You'd better prove it.

Maha?

Rajah!

What is this?

Half a dollar.

You're right. I thought it was a dime.

Get back to the wall.

Moe! Moe!

Make him take the glasses off. He'll kill me.

Come on.

Will you do as you're told, once?

Maha?

Rajah.

Please, please.

Knifies. Knifies. Knifies.

Knifies! Knifies!

Knifies. Knifies. Knifies!

This a-way.

Moe! Moe! Stop it!

Please.

Missed that. Missed that? Impossible!

Missed it? What is he aiming at?

You'll find out.

Rajah, knifies.

Knifies, knifies.

Double-decks.

Pitch it! Pitch it. Pitch it.

Double-deck.

Getting close.

Close?

Keep yourself busy.

Busy?

Hey, busboy.

Back in your cage!

Boy, are you guys ugly.

Go ahead.

Knifies! Knife... Knife... Knifies!

Now, for the piece de resistance,

the Rajah will attempt to throw three blades with one hand,

and in order to make this more difficult,

he will twist himself in complete circles

till he becomes more dizzy.

This way!

Pitch it!

Stupid!

Seize the imposters!

Everybody, scram!

Let me go.

Larry, play a tune!

Go ahead! Come on!

Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Help!

You going to hit a man with glasses? Yeah.

Go ahead. Play, Larry!

Throw me somebody else. Throw it to me.

How was that? Why didn't you play in a higher key?

Come on, come on!

Come on, Mr. Fogg. Let's go, Miss Carter!

Here, off one more, ducks!

Get that point, too?

After them, Filch!

After them!

You imbecile, give it the gun!

That's the horn. The gun! The gun!

Let me see your license.

Who's got a license? I've got...

Why, you nitwit!

Turn it around and get it going.

Get out of here!

Bone dry.

Wait a minute.

I'll fix it.

Here, here, here.

Where do you think you're going with that?

I'm going back for gas.

The only gas you'll get is on your stomach.

That's my stomach?

I'm sorry, Miss Carter,

we seem to be farther away than ever from your American consul.

Well, do you have any idea at all where we are?

In this area here, somewhere.

But whether we're on the Indian or the Chinese side of the border

is anybody's guess.

Just like picking a bird off in the bush.

Too bad, old boy, you made a splendid try.

Hold it, Mr. Cavendish.

You. Come with us.

Make any trouble, you die!

This is an outrage!

I'm a British subject and this young lady's an American.

In Indian clothes?

You spy! You all spies!

Nonsense!

You tell your soldiers to release us!

We not soldiers, we technicians!

I've heard that someplace before.

You've got us all wrong, I tell you.

We're merely seeing the country,

on a trip around the world.

You take me for fool.

They're as good as dead, the whole lot of them.

Aye, and we'd have been dead, too,

if we'd been caught here in China dressed like blooming Indians.

Come on.

You go Shanghai headquarters.

Chop-chop. And confess.

Confess? He's a member of Parliament.

And furthermore, we're three of Colonel Fogg's men.

Tell them, Curly-Joe!

Look here, you...

"Steep grades, bumpy roads,

"all the way from India to the China border."

You spies!

Mapping invasion route to China.

I have all the evidence I need right here.

But that's not true, I tell you.

That's just my log book.

We're on a trip around the world!

Silence!

If you no talk,

your friends will, I betcha.

Psychiatrists.

Wash brain till whole head shrink!

You sign now?

Expert wash brains?

Sorry, General.

With these boys no brainy to washy.

We turny tables on headshrinkers.

Hey!

Sixty-two.

Forty-one!

That's number 21. We don't do that anymore, see?

We do number 47, like this.

No! No! No!

Get rid of them! China in enough trouble already!

It could be worse.

At least they provided our transportation

all the way from India to the China Sea.

If a wind comes up, we'll be in Tokyo Bay in no time.

I hope we make it soon.

All we have to eat here is fortune cookies.

Hey, give me a fortune cookie.

All right, here you are.

I want to see my fortune.

What a coincidence!

It says, "You're going on a long trip!"

Yeah? Well, you are.

Moe! Curly! Phileas!

What's the matter? Land!

Tokyo!

The terms of my wager prohibit me from cabling

for funds for myself, Miss Carter.

However, there's no reason why we can't

arrange for you to return to Iowa immediately.

Well, I'm sorry you feel this way, Mr. Fogg.

I suppose I am a drag.

Miss Carter, I say.

I was only thinking of your comfort.

But I haven't complained once, that I recall, have I, boys?

Not once. You're a real trooper.

None of us want to see you go.

Which brings us to the question still before the house.

How are we going to get to San Francisco?

Forgive me, Miss Carter.

I only meant to say...

What I mean is...

Dash it all, I'm jolly glad you feel that way.

Rather.

What smells so scrumptious?

There must be something we can do to earn enough for a meal.

Lovely spectators. Your kind attention, please.

What's all the excitement?

Take pleasure in presenting honorable Itchy Kitchy,

greatest Sumo wrestler, in all of Japan.

And now, everyone welcome to watch training exercise,

but please to remember

buying tickets to the next match

at the Tokyo Sports Palace,

this not being on television.

And now, the great Itchy Kitchy,

strongest man in the world.

That ain't a man. That's a committee!

Ladies and gentlemen,

most happy to give 1,000 yen

to anybody who stay on his feet

for 60 seconds wrestling with the great Itchy Kitchy.

Will a thousand yen buy a square meal for the five of us?

Yes, indeed, with something left over.

Go out there, kid. You got him on the run.

Help! Help! What are you doing?

Help, Moe!

I can't look at this, Phileas.

Moe! What are you doing? Help!

Hit it, maestro!

Who's maestro? You, you fool!

What do you mean?

Let me have it!

Come on, play.

I say, now you can look.

Yes!

Brighten the tempo, kid.

Come on, Joe!

Congratulations, champ. Shake.

Shake with the champ. Good show, Joe!

You no fool Charlie Okuma!

He American Sumo champ.

Very clever gimmick.

Thanks, Charlie! No hard feelings.

You manager. Listen.

Itchy lose face.

He want revenge.

How about deal they wrestling at Tokyo Sports Palace

for World Championship?

Out of the question, Moe. We're 10 days behind schedule now.

We've got to be in San Francisco as soon as possible.

Another manager.

I think he's smarter than me.

San Francisco draw bigger gate. Very clever gimmick.

Supply the transportation, you got yourself a deal.

So. Make lots of yen.

I pay all expenses.

How about throwing in some new duds?

That's what he means, new duds.

Hey, where's our new champ?

I hurt my widdle hand.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our feature attraction of the evening,

the Sumo wrestling contest

for the championship of the world.

Presenting the champion of all Japan,

the mighty Itchy Kitchy

who shows in the traditional ritual

what he intends to do with his opponent.

His opponent ain't staying, boys.

Against Mighty Joe,

the champion of Twickenham on Thames.

Start playing that thing as soon as we shake hands.

Get after him! Get after him!

Don't start playing till I tell you.

We got to make this thing look good.

Now, remember, no time limits and no holds barred.

You both understand the rules?

No rules.

I want a good dirty fight.

Now, shake hands and come out gouging.

Give him an upshot.

I hope you boys know what you're doing.

Don't worry. I've got the equalizer right here.

You trying to hurt somebody?

Larry! Larry!

Larry! Play! Play!

Give me that!

Let go!

I'm trying to find Larry, Curly-Joe!

No, no. Give me that.

Mommy, help!

Taking toys from a child!

You leave my Timmy alone, you big bully.

Help!

Hey, Moe! Larry!

By Jove! Bravo!

Come on, Ma. Hit him again!

Police! Police!

I want this man arrested for child beating!

Hey, we'd better grab our clothes and get out of here.

It's not so healthy around here.

After me, chaps. Next stop, New York.

Kennedy-style hiking. At least we're keeping fit.

Yeah, and if that knuckle-head

had beaten that big slob fair and square,

they wouldn't have held up his purse.

Well, I didn't have time for training.

3,000 miles to New York

and 3,000 more to the Reformers Club.

We'll never make it now, not in six days.

That place has a telephone.

I'll call my solicitor

and ask him to cable us

enough funds to complete our journey first class.

We may be through, but at least we'll be comfortable.

Well, how can you say we're through?

We've still got a fighting chance.

You can't give up now, Mr. Fogg.

You'll lose everything you own.

Remember, your great great grandfather.

He wouldn't give up.

Well, if you feel that way about it, let's...

How do they say it in America?

Let's stay in there putting.

That's "pitching."

And if you keep on trying, you'll always have a chance.

Yeah, and we'll starve to death in the meantime.

Wait here.

I'll see if that hash house will take Japanese yen.

He's still got yen.

Yeah.

Okay!

What's the matter?

What's the matter? That dispatcher's out of his mind.

He wants me to high-ball my truck through to New York

in four days.

Four days? You'll need wings on your rig to do it.

You're right. Let's go eat.

Okay.

Hey, fellas!

Our luck's still with us.

That truck's going through to New York in four days.

Giving us two whole days to get to London.

It's possible.

You lamebrains! Don't you know there's a strict rule

against picking up hikers?

We could be stowaways, like on the boat.

Stowaways on a truck! Get him.

By Jove, so we could.

That's what I was saying, so we could,

by Jove. Let's take a walk over and see.

Hey, give me a hairpin.

Like a safecracker. Yeah.

Get busy there.

You'd better do it yourself.

Well, Gus, it's about time I called the garage

and check on that connecting rod,

and as soon as that's fixed, I'm off to the big town.

Sure wish I was going with you, Bill.

Got some kin in New York I haven't seen in years,

but I got a load of furniture

that I have to deliver in Canada.

So long. So long, Gus.

We seem to be making excellent time.

If we do reach New York in four days,

my record shows it will be the 78th day since we left,

giving us only two days to cross the Atlantic to London.

I don't see how we can possibly do it.

we'll think of something, Mr. Fogg.

Miss Carter, how are you getting on?

Fine, I guess,

except when my dressing room rolls downhill.

Knock! Knock!

Who's there? Larry.

Larry who? La...

We thought you might like to borrow this dinner dress.

Thank you.

It's beautiful.

Dinner will be ready anon, Mr. Fogg.

It would be ready sooner, only we have a slowpoke in the kitchen!

Moe, this is really too much.

Tut-tut, Mr. Fogg.

Go to it, kid.

Dinner is served, ma'am.

Well!

Miss Carter!

Amelia, I say!

You look perfectly smashing!

Route 66.

A very wonderful year.

Amelia.

I just want to say that no matter what happens,

I shall always treasure this moment.

Onions!

Nah. I must be tired.

Folgers?

I ain't tired. That's coffee!

Sir, I demand that you release us immediately.

After all, I've promised to pay for all the damage in the lorry.

I don't see why we should be held in Canada another minute.

Four days directly to New York,

and here we are, thanks to you.

You don't have to thank me.

Go on. Order!

Outside of the hardship to everybody concerned,

the delay has been very costly to me personally.

Midnight tonight marks the passing of the 80th day since I left London,

which means I lose my wager and everything I own.

Mr. Fogg,

you are not being held because of the highway incident.

Will you come in, please?

Inspector Crotchet of Scotland Yard.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet a fellow...

Phileas Fogg, I arrest you in the name of the Crown.

I warn you that anything that you say may be taken down in writing.

I am completely at a loss.

Will someone be good enough to tell me what this is all about?

My dear sir. You know as well as I do, Mr. Fogg.

You are accused of robbing the Regent Street Bank of £50,000

on the day that you left London

on this so-called around-the-world trip.

Phileas! Don't worry, Amelia.

There's not a word of truth in it.

You'll have your chance in court.

Inspector, Mr. Fogg is the only one that we want to extradite.

The others can be released unless you have any more charges against them.

No charges, Inspector.

They're free to go. Look here!

Where Mr. Fogg goes, we go.

Mr. Fogg flies to London at the expense of the Crown.

I have no permission for any other guests.

Well, come along.

Speaking for the rest of the mob,

I'd say we're sorry it turned out this way,

dodging the police for two months,

and all that sort of thing, what?

Rather funny?

You're under arrest and we're free as the birds,

in a manner of speaking, sir.

Don't worry, old bean.

We'll hire the finest barrister in the United Kingdom

to get you out of this,

even if it takes every last tuppence of the bank's money.

If they send you to Dartmoor,

I'll visit you every day, I will.

And when they spring you, duckie,

we'll have enough left to live in style,

like a blinking duke and duchess!

Hear! Hear! Hear! Hear!

I'll take them all.

They're as much in it as he is.

No, no! They're just putting on an act!

Order!

I'm sorry.

The Queen's return to the city.

It was learned today that Phileas Fogg

has been apprehended in Ottawa, Canada,

and is expected to arrive at London Airport tonight.

Hold it! We'll wait here.

The Yard's sending a car.

Well, a miss is as good as a mile,

and all that sort of thing, Amelia.

My last chance went glimmering at exactly midnight yesterday.

And after all you've been through.

Phileas, I feel so awful about it.

It's a bum rap, fellas. He never robbed any bank.

Just in time, Mr. Cavendish.

Yes. Sit tight, Filch.

Good evening, Inspector.

We've been ordered to take charge of Mr. Fogg.

But I understood that Sergeant Muddles would meet the plane.

Well, he's on another case, sir.

Orders have been changed.

Well, inside with you. Don't give me no trouble now.

Who are you, Constable, and who changed the orders?

I distinctly understood that Sergeant Muddles would meet the plane.

Hurry it up, Henry. We haven't got all night.

This fellow. Seems to me I've seen...

Now that's enough talk. Inside with you. Quick about it.

You too, Mr. Nosy.

Now just a minute, mister.

Hey, have I flipped,

or are they the same two cops we saw at the Maharajah's palace?

They get around faster than we do.

I smell a rat. Come on!

Now look here...

Hey, that Land Rover. Come on.

Go faster, will you, Joe, please!

Come on. Out!

Come on out!

This way. Come on!

Now inside with you. Lively! Come on!

I think we lost them.

They must have turned left.

Lamebrain, at the next corner, turn left.

Well, Mr. Fogg,

you gave us quite a run for our money.

Stuart!

I knew there was something.

His name's not Stuart.

He's Vickers Cavendish,

one of the smartest confidence men in England.

The smartest, if you'll forgive me, Inspector.

You see, Mr. Fogg,

I not only win my £20,000 bet with you,

but, Filch, get the satchel!

Right you are.

When they find you here,

it's going to look as if Mr. Fogg resisted arrest,

aided by this young lady,

resulting in a gunfight with Inspector Crotchet,

in which all three of you were wiped out!

You wouldn't dare!

Wouldn't I? Filch! Hurry up.

Let's wind it up and get out of here.

We lost them.

Knucklehead, turn!

Next time, watch where you're going.

Hey, they must have turned down that street up there.

Come on, we'll have to do it by foot and find them.

Get out!

Our £50,000 retirement fund.

And that ain't shredded wheat, Inspector.

Wait!

What's the matter with you?

There it is!

Come on. Come on.

We'll live like lords, we will,

with no fear whatever from Scotland Yard nor nobody else,

because they'll always blame him for the bank robbery.

There they are!

Hold it!

Now you'll die, too!

The keys, Inspector Crotchet, the keys!

Here they are!

Where's the money?

Amelia, where are you?

Come on you! Look it, here!

I don't know how I got in these.

Phileas!

Get the number of that truck.

Phileas!

Dear!

All right, you people, I'll take over now.

I knew you'd get the right ones if you kept on swinging.

Think nothing of it.

Come on, you two. Now, then...

The money!

Let's go!

What happened here?

Take this.

Joe! The hose!

The hose, yeah.

What am I supposed to do?

Hose out! Hose out!

Kill it! Okay, Moe boy!

Hose out! Boy.

You and your ruddy books.

Help! Help!

Never mind, you lamebrain,

the fire is out!

Easy! Man the lifeboats! Women and children first.

How we doing, Moe?

You nut!

Will you cut that out! You want to get me wet?

I'll murder you!

Here, hold that.

Come on, you two.

Hey, there they are.

Scotland Yard first,

and then I'll drop you at Twickenham!

Right, Inspector.

Come on, Larry. Let's go. Get going.

What are you doing? Get out.

Inspector, we'll do the driving.

You get these rats around the back and keep an eye on them.

Yeah, good.

Go ahead, go ahead, get moving.

Wait a minute. Do you know how to drive?

Well, certainly, I know how to drive.

This is a crazy, mixed-up car.

Well, I'm a crazy, mixed-up driver.

Okay, okay.

Car 11, a disturbance at East Cricklewood Lane.

Repeating, Car 11,

go to East Cricklewood Lane, a disturbance.

If you ask me, the disturbance is in that squawk box.

Car six, a disturbance...

Here is the late-night weather report...

Mr. Fogg, I don't know how to apologize to you

for all the trouble I've caused you.

False arrest, notoriety,

and on top of everything else,

I'm responsible for you losing a wager.

Well, don't feel too badly about it, Inspector.

I have a consolation prize

that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Phileas Fogg is back in London in custody of Scotland Yard

to face charges of bank robbery.

This complication apparently will end Mr. Fogg's last chance

to complete his around-the-world trip by midnight tonight,

his deadline for reporting at the Reform Club.

It's now exactly 11:51,

which means Fogg has only nine minutes to reach the club,

on this, the 80th day since his departure from London

two and a half months ago.

Mr. Fogg, he said this is the 80th day.

By Jove, it's true!

I made the same mistake my great great grandfather did,

never realizing that, by continually traveling eastward,

we gained four minutes

every time we crossed a degree of longitude.

360 degrees times four minutes equals

1,440 minutes.

We gained 24 hours.

This is the 80th day,

and not the 81st, as I calculated in my log book.

Phileas! There's still time!

If we hurry. We're still miles from the club!

It's 11:54. We have just six minutes.

Give her the gun, Curly-Joe.

11:56.

Well, gentlemen, I scarcely think I'm premature in declaring

that our wager with Mr. Fogg is won!

Jolly good show!

I'm glad I had 10 of that.

I'm glad I had 5, too.

So am I.

We have just three minutes.

Turn at the next corner.

Left? Right.

Right, you knucklehead.

No, I said left.

See? Right was left.

What? I don't know.

Gentlemen, shall we?

Do you know, I put this bottle aside

80 days ago to celebrate our victory?

Two minutes.

What are you stopping for?

A red light.

If you hadn't made a wrong turn, we'd be there already.

Moe. Turn me loose.

It's not polite when I'm talking to interrupt.

Moe. What do you want?

The light is green.

Why didn't you tell me?

Go ahead! Green light.

Right to the top. I'm not going to stint it.

10 seconds, and we're still a block away.

That time left was wrong, you beetle-brain!

Well, I... Ooh!

Seven seconds to go.

Hey, it's on the next corner.

Park and I'll dash inside.

He hasn't got time to park.

Hang on, everybody! Here we go!

Mr. Fogg!

The winner by two seconds!

Hey.

Isn't that cute!

Larry, may I toast to your health?

Please do.

Oops!

Don't worry about it, Moe. It's on them.

No, no. It's on the both of us.

Come on! What's the matter with you guys?

Cut it out, will you?