Original subtitles

RABBIT WITHOUT EARS 2

Hello, Anna Gotzlowski.

I am a strong, independent woman, and I know exactly what I want.

I have no self-confidence problems.

I am totally into my independence.

And my boyfriend, Ludo, of course.

What a man!

Women are crazy about him, and he is constantly being hit on.

I am so happy for him.

Actually, did I mention how incredible Ludo is in bed?

Oral sex is my absolute favorite.

Right to the end.

But Ludo tastes incredibly good,

and so...

good... so...

So good...

good...

Hey Ludo,

because you always have those dirty Angelina Jolie fantasies,

I have a little surprise for you...

Super! Tell me which part of "go buy toilet paper"

you didn't understand!

I mean, seriously. I asked you four days in a row

to pick up toilet paper on the way home. That's not too much to ask.

And what is all this?

How can this not bother you? It stinks!

Eww! What do you think will happen? The mould will grow legs

and drag itself to the hamper?

Listen, did you leave any dirt on the soccer field?

Man, I am so sick of cleaning up after you.

You aren't a child anymore! Did you take the bottles back?

I bet you didn't. - Yes. - You did?

Yes. - That is cool.

You told me to. - You guys drank so much.

I hope that Moritz didn't puke in the driveway for once.

He doesn't do it on purpose.

Come, get up. - Please. Can't you go to work for me?

Very funny. You have the forest project group now.

Today's topic is the forest, right? I thought we could approach it

in a playful way. Do you want to play a game? - Yes.

What's the game called? - Hibernation.

Hibernation? - Yes! I'm the fat, lazy bear,

and you are the bear's children. All summer long,

we explored the whole forest

so now we're really, really tired and really happy to go to bed!

Ahh... nice...

That game sucks. - Shh, don't wake the bears!

You mean "the bear."

What sits on a tree and looks like a squirrel? - No idea.

A squirrel!

Where did you hear that? - I made it up!

That's not how it works! You have to lie down now to play!

Zappzarapp!

Yes...

The little bear children have finally stopped yapping.

They will stop giggling

and are really happy about their hibernation.

Breathe deeply...

and smell the fresh forest air.

And breathe deeply...

You're supposed to close your eyes.

But I can't sleep when the big bear snores like that.

Eww, that's gross! - I have an idea.

So now the bear knows what the forest really smells like.

What are you all doing? - We're playing hibernation.

Hibernation?

Do you want to know what happens when spring comes?

Yes!

Alright.

Spring is here!

Done!

What is that? - A jaundiced, lop-eared, pot-bellied pig.

It's the new friend of the rabbit without ears.

What is the friend's name?

Jaundicedlopearedpotbelliedpig.

Twoearchicken.

Twoearchicken?

Twoearchicken? - That's right.

But chickens don't have ears. - They do now.

What do you think? - Cool.

What do you think? - Sweet.

But why does that chicken have ears? - Because Ludo can't sew?

It has ears because it wished for them so hard.

But why? - Why what?

Why did it wish for ears? - Because it really wanted to fly.

It can fly with its ears? - Yes,

but only at wind force four or five.

And only with the north-westerly. It stands there,

and waits for the wind from behind.

The wind goes under its ears, and it lifts off like a plane.

It flies around the world, and it can see everything below.

It's been to Turkey, the Antarctic, the Lineburger Heide.

It was even behind the moon.

It grew ears just because it wished for them really hard?

Yes.

If you wish for something and really believe

that it will come true, then it does.

The ear story was really sweet. - Yeah? Thanks. Can we go?

Yes. I just have to put on my shoes. - You said that before.

The new ones or these?

Um... those.

Don't you like the other ones? - I didn't say that.

But you like these better? - They're both nice.

But you told me to wear these.

You asked, I answered. It was a suggestion.

A suggestion. Aha. But they're so uncomfortable.

So wear the others for God's sake! - They're even worse.

So why did you buy them? - On sale but not in my size.

You bought shoes that don't fit? - They fit me.

I mean, I can fit into them.

I'd really like to buy some nice shoes, but we're always broke.

Can we go now, please? - I want you to like how I look.

Sweetie, you look good in those shoes, and in those shoes,

and even when you are barefoot! - Your problem is that you can't decide.

The place will be closing soon. - So you chose the first ones?

Which ones? - The ones you said first. - I have had enough.

You know what? We'll stay home and watch TV. What's on?

No way. We're partying today. - The party'll be over soon.

Okay, I'll take these. - Finally, yay.

But these don't go with my dress. I'll change. Only need a sec...

Hey!

You guys Tiki-Taki? - What?

Are you Tiki-Taki? I wanted to meet you.

Where did you get that line? - I made that one up. It's an original.

Congratulations! - Thanks!

Yeah, yeah...

My dress is so tight. It's pinching me.

Why did you put it on? - Because it goes with the shoes.

I have to go to the toilet.

Need help?

Could you close my dress? It's a bit tight.

Just one sec. - Thanks.

Can you pull your tummy in?

Oops... - Oh, no. - Sorry.

Now I can't go back out there. I look like a burst sausage.

Don't stress about it. Happened to me, too, when I was chubby.

I had to squeeze into dresses that were too tight. It's no fun.

Ah!

What is it? - New shoes really suck for me.

Really? It's just the opposite for me.

You want a drink? - Sex on the Beach. - Don't do them.

Then I'd like an orgasm. - So would I.

Why not fix yourself one? - Sorry?

Should I call security? - I just wanted a cocktail.

This is the champagne bar.

Ah. Now I see that, too...

Can I have your number anyway? - She's not giving him her number?

She is.

You're cool. - That's the Flirt Academy's number. Give it a try.

Anna? - Freezing cold.

Marie!

I have a girlfriend now. - That's super. - Right?

I have a boyfriend, too. - Yeah? - But he's a retard.

Do you remember how you did me on that haystack?

Oh yeah...

Oh Ludo. I never had better sex than with you.

Where do you live now? - In Berlin. - In Berlin?

Yes. Still have my number? - No. - So put it in there.

Go. - Zero, one, seven, three,

five, eight, four, four, four,

sex, sex,

sex. - Really?

That makes sense. - Ouch!

Sorry.

I apologize. Sorry, I didn't see that.

Ludo, I'd like to go. - You said we were partying today.

My dress exploded, my feet hurt, I waited for an hour in the toilet.

I have had enough, okay? And I'm a little tired.

Are you coming?

Is something wrong? - What could be wrong?

You're acting funny.

Who was that? - Who?

The one you were sitting with.

The one you made a scene about?

She's a really old friend. - I didn't make a scene.

You did. And you stepped on her hand on purpose. - I did not.

Sure you did. - I did not. - You did.

Why on earth would I step on her hand? I thought she was really nice.

Really? - Yes.

Great!

She'd be a great girlfriend for you.

You guys will get along great.

She's not one of those bitches, y'know?

She's up for anything.

I can believe that.

I love you. - I love you, too.

We can call her tomorrow

and ask her if she wants to have breakfast with us.

Did you buy milk?

Where is the milk? - Man, I am still asleep.

What is all the noise?

What's this?

I asked you what this is. - A bottle.

Aha. - Aha what?

And what is it doing here? - I don't know. Ask it.

It almost slit me open just now. - It's plastic...

Pure luck, my friend. - Come cuddle. It's the weekend.

Ludo, I've told you to take them in for weeks.

Yesterday you lied about it without batting an eye.

Okay, so I'll get up early on the weekend

and do it to make you happy.

It's no fun asking you for help. - I am doing it!

But I don't want it this way. - Huh?

Take a look at yourself. I want you to be happy to help.

So it's not enough that I take them in, I have to be happy to take them in?

That's exactly right. - But I'm not happy, nobody would be!

Especially not on the weekend!

You've had four weeks to do it! I see it this way:

If you love and respect someone, you're happy to do stuff you don't like.

And you don't lie to them. - If I tell you I'm happy to take

a million bottles in, I'd be lying! - Lying was fine for you before!

I didn't lie to you! - You told me you'd done it!

I didn't lie. I meant to do it,

but the timeframe I wanted to do it in

got pushed back a little, and I forgot to tell you.

So it wasn't a lie. - Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Sure. My man doesn't lie, he just forgets to mention changes in his timeframe.

"Dear Anna, I've been with a new girlfriend the last two years.

Unfortunately I forgot to tell you our relationship timeframe changed."

Oh my Lord...

Hello? - Ludo.

Hey. - No, it's a really bad time. I am, let's say,

in the middle of a meeting. - What? - I'll call you back, okay?

Are you done? - [ have... - That is so typical.

I am making an effort and analyzing our relationship,

and the first chance you get, you escape the situation.

Hello? My phone rang!

Okay.

You said you did something I asked you to do.

Look at me when I'm talking.

Come on!

But you didn't really do it, and you're just hoping

that I won't find out. I find out, call you a liar,

and you say no. What does this say about our trust?

Then if I go look at the whole situation,

I have to ask what else isn't true.

Right? In the end,

you never do anything I ask and pretend things are all different.

You only ever do what you want without even a hint of a guilty conscience.

Now analyze all of this and tell me

what it all really means.

What? - This is about the whole thing.

The bottles are only the microcosm for the macrocosm.

It isn't that hard to understand, is it? - Yes.

Yes? - Yes, you are right.

How do you mean?

I think... I think what you are saying

sounds logical and plausible,

and you are simply right.

You said what? Hello? I don't understand at all.

I don't either. She must be getting her period.

I didn't mean what Anna said!

I mean you. You can't tell a woman she's right when she's wrong!

It's self-betrayal! Where is your pride? - Pride?

Listen to me. When a woman is on your case and goes so far

that she forgets her own point and starts saying:

"You always... You never ..." Then you're in deep shit.

They bring up all your mistakes from the last thousand years,

remember everything you have long forgotten

or was done by some other guy. And when that gets started,

you can never win.

Do I have no pride? Maybe. Am I betraying myself? Who cares?

I just want some peace. That's what they call psychology.

How stupid does he think I am? - He meant well. It's a reflex.

Confronted with an angry woman, their ears ring. They want that to stop.

It's like with a dog whistle, a very uncomfortable sound for dogs.

Once Ludo got an ear infection in the middle of a fight. Suddenly,

he couldn't hear a thing. - No way!

Or when he has to fix something, he invites Moritz over and tells him

how great being a handyman is, till Moritz begs him to do it.

He's not stupid. - Ludo is the laziest guy ever. Lazy and cunning.

At least he cooks. - He always makes a mess cooking "pasta a la Ludo”

and then there's his rule: "The cook never cleans up.”

The cook has his little servant cleaning up after him.

He has an excuse for everything. He won't

wash the wooden floor because the water ruins it.

Standing in line at the store drives him crazy, and he never ever flirts.

He just talks to old friends who happen to have big tits.

I know that kind of old friend. - Just once, I'd like to see

a guy talk for five minutes to a fat, ugly old friend.

Is Marie really good looking? - Kinda cheap.

She looks great. - No. Cheap, like I said.

Fine. Maybe in a really cheap way, she looks kinda great.

Did she text him yet? - I don't look at his phone.

Why not? - I don't spy on my boyfriend.

Okay, so you don't. But I'll tell you what happens.

She starts telling him about you, "She's so sweet, Ludo!"

Blah, blah, blah... So he won't be suspicious.

So if you say something mean, you look like a jealous bitch.

When her trick has worked, then she goes for it.

Writes him sweet text messages. Tells him what a great guy he is.

And that he'd make any woman happy. Then she starts with the old stories.

"Remember when we fucked there?"

"And remember how crazy we were, how relaxed and free."

And to underline it all, she permanently shakes

her barely covered tits.

When you get upset, he thinks of her.

You're the bitchy girlfriend, and he'll pine for that crazy little fuck-bunny.

I still won't spy on him. - Jesus!

If he leaves his stuff lying around, maybe he wants you to spy.

If it's on the floor, you can't help it, if you see something.

I thought I shouldn't clean up. - Hey!

Not dirty socks and food scraps. Credit card bills and cell phones, yes.

Silly girl.

They all wash just fine. It's all pure cotton.

Um, I was thinking I wanted to try something in silk maybe?

I see what you're getting at. - Red or black or something.

Something cheeky. - Yes.

A-cup? - No, B. Or maybe C...

Okay...

Try this one. - Thanks.

Amazing!

Yes?

But I think it's a bit tight up here.

I thought so... double-D.

Thanks.

Oh...

And?

Well... I would say

on your hips and tummy, it's a bit too tight.

And up top, you don't really fill it up.

So you mean, I am flat-chested, but luckily I have a big butt. - Come on.

I have a neat trick for you.

A secret weapon for those of us not as well-endowed by nature.

Aha...

Hey, Annal - Marie... - Hey.

What a coincidence!

It is extremely rare that anyone is built like you

and has a D-cup. One could be envious.

Am I eat like a horse, but I just can't put on any weight.

Someone even called me anorexic once.

I was totally hurt. Be happy that you are so normal.

Imagine that. There are people who fight bullshit like world hunger

while people like you have real problems.

I'll get you the bigger inserts.

Um, no thanks. I don't need any! - I'd give them a try.

Ludo's always liked big breasts as long as I've known him.

As his live-in girlfriend, I know better, and I've known Ludo

since kindergarten. - Oh right.

He told me how he tortured you. - Four eyes!

But only because you told on him.

Stupid asshole! I'll tell your big sister!

I didn't tell on him. We were friends.

You were the tattle tale with the glasses and monster retainer.

I had a slight overbite. - Ludo tells it differently.

Funny he never talked about you.

Maybe you guys have trust issues?

Or you weren't important enough.

I wouldn't be so sure! - I'd love to stay and chat, but...

but... um... - Yes?

This is ridiculous.

Your breasts!

This is still tight up here, hm?

Can't you put your things away?

In real time? Before your timeframe changes again!

Man! Shoes on the table. Butter on your jacket.

Oops, fell down.

"Hey, sex god! Looking forward to seeing you! Kiss, Marie."

Oh shit.

Something wrong? - No, nothing?

I am outta here.

Where are you going? We need groceries. - I have to meet someone.

Who? - Marie.

Why are you going out with Marie? - She needs a man's advice.

A man's advice? - Yes. Relationship problems.

Are you that stupid goose's relationship therapist?

What now? You told me she's nice.

Ludo, the woman is awful. - You don't know her.

I do. We just had a deep conversation. - Where?

At the bakery. - Aha.

Really. She's a stupid bitch.

She is calculating and empty with silicone tits. - No, they're real.

No silicone there. - I don't care. I can't stand her.

Pity you say that. She really likes you.

She likes me? - Yes.

How dumb are you? - What? When I said you liked her,

she was thrilled.

Are you jealous? - Sorry. No.

You are jealous.

Right.

Fine. Want to come along?

Are you mental? I meant what I say, but you have to make your own mistakes.

I am outta here.

Bye. - Have fun, sex god.

Did you look in my phone?

I can't believe it...

I only... it was on the floor... I was cleaning up...

Anna, that's fucked up.

Stupid...

I forgot to tell you before

that you totally could have brought your girlfriend.

Should we call her? - No, we were fighting.

Really? What about?

She looked in my phone.

That sucks.

Such a breach of trust.

Oh God! Did she read my message?

Should I call her and explain?

No, forget about it.

It hurts so bad.

You're mad. - Sure.

Don't be mad. - Why not?

You are a dream man. You could have anyone, and she knows it.

It can't be easy for her. - Are you Anna's lawyer today?

Ludo, don't be stupid. I just want to be fair.

She is insecure and afraid of losing you. - Bullshit.

Do you love her? - Sure I love her.

Sure? - I want to spend my life with her.

Wow... That sounds nice.

Right?

Are you faithful? - 100 percent. - Ludo,

I know you.

People change.

What are you doing? - No?

Old feelings are bubbling up. - Nope..

Not here either? - No.

And...

if I do this?

Sorry to disappoint. No movement there. - Ah.

You got a lead pipe in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Please take your foot away, or I'll stand up and go.

You've gotten so closed-minded.

I think you're getting old.

What advice did you need about your retard boyfriend? - None.

I just broke up with him.

Yeah? You don't seem very upset.

I told you he was a retard.

Anyway, I'm sitting here with you.

But not for long.

I have to go now. - Already?

I have to go grocery shopping. - Ah, groceries.

I see.

Look! Spare ribs. You like them so much.

I can't, not organic. - Let's forget that for today.

I want to spoil you today. Today is Ludo Decker Day.

We'll buy anything your heart desires. Refined sugar,

white flour, meat from factory farming, eggs from laying batteries.

Hey, look! Who am I?

"Ludo,

you have a super nice girlfriend."

Very funny.

It's not fair you're still mad. I explained it to you.

I'm not dumb. No one can accidentally unlock a phone with their foot

and also accidentally open the inbox with their big toe.

That's what happened. - You didn't have to read it.

Or was that your foot, too? - Alright. I read it on purpose.

At least you're admitting it. That's just how we didn't want to be.

We wanted to trust each other and give ourselves free space.

This is the start of a thousand things that don't belong in a loving,

trusting relationship. You said we shouldn't be

accountable to each other but live our own lives while loving each other, too.

It is completely fucked up that you're starting with this. Really.

I understand what you are saying. Wait a second.

You are right somehow. It's all true. But think about why I did it.

You don't trust me and want control? - I don't want that.

It's just that you're not so thoughtful anymore.

I was in the toilet for an hour while you're flirting with this chick!

So this is about Marie?

No, it's that you take me for granted now.

You don't look at me anymore and think how lovable and exciting I am.

I look at you and think just that!

Not now. - You're behind me.

You are too fast again! - I'm walking normally.

You always go too fast, now, when we go out for dinner...

You always have to be first. At first you watched where I was.

You paid attention and asked if I was feeling okay. But now,

there's no woman who gets more doors in her face.

This is actually about something else. You don't trust me.

And I don't see why it's my fault that you look in my phone.

You just want to distract me. Now you don't have anything to say!

That's exactly what I meant.

My name is Dr. Ephraim Eisenberger. I am well over 50,

am losing my hair, and I have a very small penis.

Last night,

I slept with this woman.

Bravo!

And you can, too! Welcome to the Flirt Academy.

You. Pale young man there.

What is your name? - Me? - No, back there.

You. Yes, you.

Um... Mo... Moritz.

Moritz.

Come up here and flirt with me.

Come on. No one will bite you.

Come on.

Stop.

Not like that.

Each step you take should be a sweet promise.

Convince me to sleep with you, okay?

No, I don't want to sleep with you.

Pity, um...

May I ask why?

Come up here.

You see your dream woman in a bar.

White teeth, big breasts, Gucci bag. What do you say?

Um, nice handbag?

Come over here.

Are you parents terrorists?? - Um... no...

Funny...

I could have sworn. You are so hot.

As hot as a bomb.

Good one. That is... wow. That's good.

Yes, I know. - Bomb, yes... - For the tough ones:

Listen, I am an author,

and I'm writing a telephone book.

Can I have your telephone number?

What? - My God, how I love Anna Gotzlowski and find her exciting.

You are sweet.

What smells so good? - Come in. We have a visitor.

Hi!

You must be Lupo. - Ludo!

Or that. - Who are you, if I may ask?

I'm Ralf.

What Ralf? - Ralf and I studied together.

He was in Africa for a long time

and founded his own aid agency.

Is that my apron? - Ralf is cooking for us today.

African. - I wanted to make "pasta a la Ludo." - We always eat that.

What can I do? Couscous or meat? - Nothing. Have a seat

and drink wine with Lupo.

You are nice, but you can't cook. - Yes I can.

Anna is a great cook. - Really? You never like it.

I do like it. I'm just not able to show it. - Lupo? - Ludo!

Oops. Now I'll remember:

Ludo... Anyway, it's really nice that I can stay here a few days.

Sorry? - He's stopping over

before going back to Africa. - May 1?

I'll take care of the house, and you can relax! - Great!

C'mere, please? - Sure.

I don't want to see that guy in my kitchen every night.

Ludo, this is our place. Your friends are always welcome.

Where is he supposed to sleep? - On the couch. Where else?

Hello? We don't even have doors. Did you think of that?

You can manage a couple of days.

Do you have fresh coriander? - I'll get it for you.

Stop complaining and help. Go make up the couch.

I won't make his bed! - You want him in our bed?

You see? I thought so. Come on, dinner's ready.

Oh, that smells great!

I almost broke off my tooth.

Where are the sheets?

Don't you know? - Would I ask otherwise?

In the closet. - In which closet?

Ludo, in the closet you're standing in.

Try some.

Can't I at least... No, let me stir this.

A sex list. I can't believe it.

Name: Ludo Decker.

Cock size: fits.

Sex: super.

Ralf Schmidt... - Ludo, dinner's ready!

Cock size: mini salami.

Sex: worst ever. This is great!

Ralf Berger.

Cock size: Eiffel Tower.

Lupo! Come on! It's getting cold.

Sex: incredible.

It tastes super.

What are you writing your thesis about, Ralf?

What is your last name? - Ludo, I just asked a question.

Mdller, Meier, Schmidt ...? - Ludo...

When we have such a nice visitor, can't I ask him his name?

This is Ralf. He told you.

What are you writing about? Developmental aid?

The history of genital shaving.

Fuckin' A. A thesis about the Brazilian!

Must be anthropologically interesting. - Absolutely.

Did you know it's been practiced for thousands of years?

It goes back to ancient Egypt. 4000 B.C.

How do they know? - Tomb paintings.

I'd have thought it was 80s US stuff or something.

No, no, it is a constant throughout human history.

In Muslim harems there were eunuchs trained

to remove the concubines' pubic hair.

Why did they do it back then?

There were various reasons.

One important aspect was hygiene, of course.

No hairs, no creepy crawlies. Logical.

The other important aspect was aesthetic.

In ancient Rome, pleasure girls could ask twice as much

as soon as they were shaved. A naked mound was the ideal of beauty.

Sure. If I order a schnitzel I wouldn't want fur on it. - Fur!

Good word. Shaving down there

was important for survival among primitive peoples.

They shaved to differentiate themselves from their prey.

If I go on a bear hunt with a big bush, I'll be the first one

to be shot. - Smart comment, Mr. Decker!

I am ambivalent about it.

In female pubic shaving I see a compulsion to conform

and relinquish female individuality

in our pornographic society.

The woman who refuses to conform, to be smoothed out,

is subject to enormous repression by her environment.

So pubic shaving ends up being copied without question

only to be liked.

The fact that they follow and repeat the dominant gender-power-logic,

proves that pubic shaving

is a significant part in chauvinistic, patriarchal repression.

Holy moly.

Furthermore, there is a widely accepted theory

that says a hairless mons veneris is so attractive to men because a woman

looks young and that attracts men with pedophile tendencies.

What kind of shit is that?

I personally find a woman in her natural condition the most beautiful.

When she really looks like a woman.

Are you telling me you like to dive into the bush land?

If the woman has nice hair.

Whew. I never thought about it.

I think I'll let mine grow back. - You're crazy.

If you grow a bush, I'm growing a beard.

That's totally different. - It is not. - Then do it.

I will. - I'll let my leg hair grow. Starting now. - Go ahead!

I will. And my armpit hair. - That is really

awful. - I'm tired. Can we go to sleep now?

I'll do the washing up in the morning.

Ah... Berger. - Huh?

Ralf Berger.

You wanted to know my name, Lupo.

Good night, Lupo.

He is so nice.

Hey!

Lupo!

Lupo, wake up. Good morning, Lupo.

Do you have Ajax?

Ajax for the sink?

I'll go have a look myself.

Morning.

Ralf, that's great!

The kitchen looks perfect!

You are amazing. Thanks. - My pleasure.

Could I come see the kindergarten?

Sure, of course. - I'd love to meet your merry band.

And Ludo can sleep in, right Ludo? - Hm?

Great.

Yes, right. I see.

The postman sure is handsome.

He's not that good looking.

He looks like Brad Pitt.

The most handsome postman in the world.

You don't know them all.

If you pay us, we'll tell you what he always says to Anna.

Okay, how much?

1000 euros. - You are crazy.

Forget it then.

I'll give you all lollipops.

Okay.

What does he always say to Anna?

"Morning, Ms. Gotzlowski, here's your mail."

Jambo, dear children! That's Swahili for hello!

Jambo.

Jambo, buana. Awarigami mousuri suri,

sana.

Alright, let's get started.

Kasperle, Kasperle. Tell me about Africa.

Super!

You're a curious fella... - This is super, such a good idea.

So...

In Africa... - Really incredible.

You just said super. Now does it taste super or incredible?

It's the same thing. - Apparently not.

ho interest at all. - Okay, it tastes...

super incredibly delicious.

You are talking total nonsense.

I've had enough! - What did I just see?

Ludo is throwing food around!

That's bad!

Yes. Children in Africa don't have enough to eat.

Do you know why? - Globalization?

Smart crocodile. You were listening!

The differences in economic wellbeing

and the dependency on foreign aid vary greatly between countries.

This is a kindergarten not a university! - Shh!

Please be quiet, children.

I'm sure some of you want to learn. - Boring!

There are densely settled and thinly settled areas,

developing countries with and without natural resources.

I'm falling asleep.

Children, this isn't any fun. - Right.

It's a pity you don't like learning.

How is it fun if we don't understand? - I apologize.

The show is over for today.

Think about it.

Couscous again?

Don't let it get you down.

Your intentions were good, but your delivery was a bit dry.

Nice of you to say so. I care so much, I forget myself.

There is so much to be done. Time stops for no man.

I'm almost 30 and haven't done anything. - Excuse me, Ralf.

You've done more than us put together. 30 is young, you can do more.

Young? No, no, no. 30 is as old as the hills.

Life is half over.

Careful, Ludo is... - Can I have the salt?

Don't you want to taste it? - No, I can see.

The Inuit, the so-called Eskimos,

when they were too old to hunt, they were put out on a sheet of ice

so they wouldn't be a burden anymore.

Really?

This needs salt.

In ancient times, everyone died at 30.

Game over. They were decrepit.

Ludo would already be dead. - Can I have the pepper?

You have to age elegantly. But some things

get better with age. - What? Wrinkles and impotence?

Feeding the ducks.

Or watching documentaries. Or rubbing your aching joints.

You are talking shit! I've never fed a duck in my entire life!

Hello? This isn't about you.

Why do you always think everything is about you?

Now this is a true story: I have a friend

he's 41, He turned impotent over night.

Can I help you?

Are your parents terrorists?

Excuse me?

Are your parents terrorists?

No, but my brother is a suicide bomber.

He's on the john. If he sees us talking,

I may fall victim to an honor killing. But first, he'll cut out your tongue.

Listen! I have a German passport, was born in Bielefeld, studied in Berlin,

and have the same right as you to be in this country. - No...

Because you are so hot, as hot as a bomb. You know?

That comment was sort of an opening to...

Asshole!

Hey...

Listen...

I am an author... - Shut up.

writing a phone book. - Shut up!

Could I have your number? - Shut up, or I'll smack you.

Retard. - I can't believe it!

A spritzer, please. - Wine? - Apple juice.

Tell me it's not true! - Apple. - You are such

a slut! You would fuck anybody!

I can't help it. Do you think I do it on purpose?

I have an illness. - Illness? You are a nympho!

That's the truth! - Sammy, sexual addiction

is a recognized medical condition. - Tell the parking meter. I'm gone.

I'm Lana, I have a recognized medical condition, and who are you?

Um...

Ah...

Can't you speak? - Moritz... Moritz.

Moritz-Moritz, sweet.

Drink a martini with me, Moritz-Moritz? - Sure. Sure, um...

Two martinis, please.

Dry? - I said "two." Am I speaking French or something?

Anyway, what was your name again?

Lana. Maybe spelling it backwards will help you remember it.

Ludo,

I want to sleep with you - Now?

What is it? - I can't.

Is it me?

My mind is racing.

Aha.

And anyway, I can't do it with that jerk snoring there.

Ludo, we've done it in the department store.

And now his snoring bothers you?

Sleeping like a baby.

It can happen to anyone.

You know you can tell me even if it's my fault. - Annal

What do you mean, your mind is racing? What's bothering you?

Anna, let's get some sleep.

No, not like that. - Thumb is caught.

No, I mean, not at all. - What? What is wrong?

You know,

my sexual addiction has ruined so much.

With you, it's the first time I ever felt I wanted to wait,

because you are special.

I'm not that special. - You are, you are.

You are so modest.

I want to fall asleep next to you.

That is much more beautiful and intimate

than wild, uncontrolled sex.

Yes.

I can even feel your erection, and it doesn't bother me.

You can be proud. - Thanks a lot.

Good night. Sweet dreams.

I booked a table for four o'clock. We'll do a boat tour first, okay?

Okay.

I think I look younger. - Much younger.

Everyone thinks I am younger.

Anyway, you're only as old as you feel.

What happened to my eye cream? Did you use it? - Ridiculous.

Funny.

Why would I use that? - What do I know?

It was probably Ralf. - Probably.

Man.

Yes? - Lana here.

I forgot to say the water's off today. Don't use the toilet!

No, no way! - Listen, I...

I really want to see you again. - Thanks, I appreciate it!

Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can. Maybe you'll still be there?

Looking forward to it. - Ne, 100.

Ciao. - Bye.

Water! Water...

Okay. Hey...

Come to daddy! Hey...

My phone...

The bag!

The crow's feet are no problem. We'll use Botox.

I'll do injections under these unfortunate laugh lines,

and... uh-oh...

I'll suck out this little fatty bulge. - I have a double chin?

I didn't say that. I only said you have a fatty bulge.

Oh God. - Don't worry.

Look at me. I am way over 40. And you know what?

Without several operations, I'd still be married to my ex

who is as old as I am and has cellulite on her arms. Eww.

Okay, I'll do it.

I don't want to fool you.

For really lasting rejuvenation, these touch-ups don't do much.

At your age, the only thing that really helps is a radical facelift.

I'll cut you open along your hairline,

from ear to ear, loosen and pull back your skin,

remove the surplus skin, and sew you up again!

It'll be a solid as a rock. So tight, you can't even

wrinkle your forehead.

My little joke.

What about complications? I don't want to look like Zsa-Zsa Gabor.

Nonsense. Such enormous facial asymmetry

hardly ever happens anymore.

So... Next Tuesday, ten o'clock?

Hello? - Ludo, it's a matter of life and death!

Where are you? - Calling from a payphone.

I forgot my cell and something else!

You have to come! Please, please! Schluter Street 10. Okay?

Oh man, look. Over there my shit is lying on the nightstand.

We'll go get it back now. - Okay.

Hello? - Telecom!

Here it is.

We'll go in over the roof.

I know. I'll tell her the mailman left a package.

From "Colonia" or what?

Hold on to me. - Huh? - Hold on to me.

What if we fall and die? - She'll have a nice goodbye present.

You are charged with importing a large quantity of narcotics.

Doesn't she get it? - She is hot. - That isn't hash, man.

Do I look like Scarface? - I don't know Scarface.

The Mafia boss.

This is total trash.

Wicked.

Dude, what is going on?

Holy shit.

Hey! There you are finally!

How was your day?

What happened here? - What? Um...

Nothing. - I mean the window.

Um...

It was a pigeon. - A pigeon? - Yes.

It was really big and fat, very heavy.

Where's the pigeon now? Did it hurt itself?

Ah...

Don't worry, it's in here. We have a vet appointment.

Poor pigeon. Can I see?

It smells pretty funny... It can't breathe in there.

What are you doing?

I gotta run. - Why?

I have to bury the pigeon.

I'll be right back, alright?

Ludo!

Ludo!

Oh. My. God. - What?

On your ear... it's like...

Ha! Just kidding!

Hello? - I pick you up in 10. - I'm not home.

We're supposed to meet. Where are you? - Where were you? - Where are you?

Where were you? - At the bakery. - Why didn't you answer?

Because I didn't hear it. - Sure, the bakery is so loud...

Please tell me where you are! - We are already here.

We who? - Ralf and I. We went ahead and are waiting for you.

Ralf? You and I had a date.

Ludo, I have been calling all day. I left you a thousand messages.

If there's a problem, I can take the train back.

What did he say? - It's not that bad... Nothing!

Get a move on and come here. We delayed the reservation for you.

I can't find my makeup bag.

You want to put on makeup outdoors? - Yes.

You look best naturally.

I always said so. Sure. My eyes are swollen. - Anna,

you have the most beautiful eyes ever.

So...

You look wonderful.

What is that?

Where? - Something on your eye. Wait.

Leave it.

Stop it! Anna, please!

Stop it!

What can we eat today? Maybe no couscous this time.

He's losing his color, Anna. - It's... - Makeup?

Are you wearing makeup?

Pathetic! It's not my fault that this place doesn't wash their linens!

Were you really at the bakery? - Yes.

Were you with Marie? - That wasn't dirt.

You worry about world hunger and stop bothering us here.

What is your problem? - You're about to have a problem.

You think I don't know what's going on? - What?

You dig in like a tick, flirting with my girlfriend. - Anna.

That's absurd.

Absurd, my ass! Plenty of guys flirt with me. But it doesn't bother him.

Nice for you. You should add it to your list. - What list?

But you should add

that his Eiffel tower is surrounded by bush land.

You went through my things! Unbelievable.

Says the acrobat who can read texts with her feet. - Excuse me,

have you decided on anything? - Yes, um...

Please bring my boyfriend some privacy to violate.

And some sleep-around potatoes for my ravenous girlfriend.

Ravenous?

What are you then? You don't have a list because

you can't remember all the sluts' names. - One plate of sleep-around potatoes,

and some hysterical beans?

Okay, I'll have a floppy sausage with mustard.

That's absurd.

What're you laughing at?

Floppy sausage is funny! - Wipe that grin off your face.

Ludo!

Stop grinning like that. - It's a free country.

Ludo! - He started it!

He's bleeding! Are you mental? - That was for his stupid grin.

I think my neck is broken. - You are so primitive!

Hang out a sign at the kindergarten: "Ludo, our floppy sausage."

Have you lost it? Going apeshit in front of everyone,

hitting Ralf. What is your problem? - Mine? Very good.

My problem. Very funny.

Excuse me.

You forgot your concealer.

I am arresting you in the name of the law for turning my head.

Your sentence: a date with me. Something like that

only works in theory, not in reality. But,

watch this! You could have saved the Titanic.

Your eyes would have melted that iceberg.

Amazing!

Amazing, amazing! Hello?

What are you doing tonight? - It's party night. - Where?

Bangaloo. Costume party. A huge event. - I don't have a costume.

You want to come? - I need a costume. - I'll get you one.

But listen, not a bear costume or shit like that.

Something cool. - I got it.

I said something cool.

Ginger Rogers... I'm not going in drag.

It was the only thing left. The very last one.

Okay, take that off. I'm going as Fred Astaire.

Are you crazy? Look at yourself.

You're too fat for this. I barely fit into it.

Come on, Ludo.

We'll drink till we lose the power of speech.

Maybe it'll cheer you up. Paul is DJ'ing tonight.

Your spinal column is definitely undamaged.

What makes you so sure, doctor? - I do this fulltime.

Right.

What about my nose? - It's broken

and dislocated. Does this hurt?

I thought so.

What do you mean dislocated? - It's not that bad.

A clean break and a small displacement. I'll give you

a local anesthetic and pull your honker straight.

You don't use full anesthesia? - Only for children.

But if you insist, I'll be happy to put you under.

No, no. I have a high pain threshold.

In Africa, we didn't even have aspirin. - I can do it without anything.

You sure?

On three...

Three!

You'll get a bandage. Keep it on for five days.

I'll be right back.

I pictured this day going a little differently.

I am so sorry.

I'm sure Ludo has a very guilty conscience.

How do I look? - Hot.

I would fuck myself!

Where are my breasts? - Hold on. Here.

Can you put them in? - My pleasure.

One...

Two... - Ouch! Careful!

They're stuck on your rolls of fat. - I'll give you rolls of fat!

These or these?

Those.

Don't you like these? - I didn't say that.

But you like these better. - I like them both.

But you like these more. - Ludo! The party will be over!

I just want to look nice. - You look nice in those and those.

Which ones should I put on? - The dark ones.

But these go better with this dress.

So put those on. - I'll put on these. - There you go.

Or maybe these. - My God, man!

We're back.

Ludo?

"Went to a party. Don't wait up for me.

I'll be out late. Ludo." What is this?

First he beats you, then he leaves us to take the train home, now he's out

and partying? - Why are there two glasses?

Lipstick. - Really? Shit.

He's out with Marie. - Maybe it doesn't

mean anything.

Come on.

He uses concealer, too.

Smile and tits out.

Hey, baby! My brother and I...

We made a bet you'd give us a kiss.

Sorry, you lose.

So I won. C'mere, you're hot. - Yeah!

Keep going! - The cheek!

Go for it. I'll put it online! Keep going!

You have very bad manners. And you, too.

Let's go, dear. - Lesbians!

What are you looking at, jerk?

Sweetie, I think he likes you. - Who?

The rabbit in glasses.

Are you crazy? I can do better.

Don't be so arrogant, you're not so young anymore.

No more wine. - No surprise considering Ludo and Marie had three bottles.

You don't know she was here.

Maybe not. Ludo could be using lipstick now, too.

One point for you. - He left that glass on purpose.

You think so?

Maybe it's his way of showing he's upset?

I can understand he wasn't happy to read that stuff about me.

No man would be. - That's ridiculous.

Ludo knows our sex was super. Why on earth

did he read it? Why didn't I burn it?

That was careless of you.

He did invade your privacy.

Well... I looked in his phone.

Really? That sucks, Anna. - Yes, I know.

This is tricky.

I don't really know him well enough...

He is so different from you.

Let's go now.

The party is just getting started.

You're as drunk as a skunk. Come on. - Stay here,

Moritz. - My flight is in an hour.

I'm flying to the Munich film festival. I'll take you home.

Don't want to. Ralf is there. - Are you sure you're staying?

I'm going. Take care of yourself.

You take care, too.

Hey, baby.

I'm Herb, photographer.

I'm Ginger. - You're quite the dancer.

Want a drink? - Sure.

You have a very deep voice.

No one ever told me that. - It's true.

Cheers.

Did you ever have a woman fake an orgasm?

Nope.

I would never fake an orgasm. When I come,

baby, I come! And how.

I'll drink to that! Ginger...

"HERA LIND - SUPER BROAD"

Are you asleep? - No, not yet.

You know what?

What?

I dreamed about you last night.

Really? What?

No, it's too embarrassing. - Tell me.

We were in the mountains, everything was covered in snow,

the sun sparkled in the snow. At midday we came back

to our mountain hotel

and had pancakes and iced pear schnapps.

We were so drunk that afternoon

we went outside and rolled around like children.

You threw snowballs at me.

I slipped and fell.

You know what you did?

Anna?

Anna?

Dear God, please let this be a dream.

Hey, you!

Did I scare you, honey?

Sorry.

Come back and cuddle.

Come on.

You don't have any tits. Sweet.

Looks good on you.

I like boyish women.

What a great night!

How great was it exactly? - You're funny.

One of the best nights of my life.

I could fall in love with you a bit.

Oh God, I can't believe this.

I don't think you're a slut or anything.

We had sex?

Hello!

No.

We were much too drunk.

But you're a great kisser.

Kopernikus Street 10, please.

My feet hurt.

What is it? - You have a deep voice for a woman.

I was at a costume party. - Looking good!

Really? Thanks!

Nice taxi. - Only one in Berlin. I got it cheap

from a colleague. - I met him. A total asshole.

He did some embarrassing stuff. - Like what.

He took some guy and his girlfriend and gave the guy a blowjob

in broad daylight. And the girlfriend watched!

No! - I'm telling you! It's true! - What does he do now?

He sells hot dogs at the station. - Hot dogs? - Yes.

Well, that fits. - We honk when we go by him.

Here we are. 8.50, please.

Keep the change.

Thanks. - Can you give him a message? - Sure. - He gives great head.

No way!

Oh, awesome! - Very awesome.

Take care. - Bye.

Hello, Ludo!

You look weird. Where were you.

What do you mean?

It is 7:30 am.

Where were you? - Why aren't you at the kindergarten?

I wonder. Where were you?

Who's with the kids? - Ralf.

Ralf?

Why are you wearing a dress? - I dressed up as a woman.

I can tell. Why? - I was at a costume party.

Where? - Is this the third degree?

Where? - At the Bangaloo.

They close at four. I'm not stupid. Where were you?

I was at Herb's.

I don't know any Herb. - You don't, I do.

You don't know any Herb. - Since last night. - Last night? - Yep.

Sure. Herb is called Marie and has silicone breasts.

No, Herb is a guy and has a dick. - Have you turned gay? - No!

I can handle it. Tell me. - Anna! I slept there!

Amazing. Mr. Decker meets some guy

and sleeps at his place the first night. Very credible.

I was totally drunk. - That's new.

Ludo, stop lying to me. If you cheated on me, tell me now.

We only kissed. - Kissed?

Says Herb. I don't remember. I was too drunk.

You are a terrible liar. We have to get going.

But think up a better story by lunch. One that I can believe.

Hello, children!

Hello, Kasperle!

I'm so excited! It's my birthday, and all my friends are coming!

Oh great! The lovely crocodile is already here!

Hi, crocodile. Here to wish me a happy birthday?

Yes?

Hello, Kasperle. Happy birthday.

The crocodile is in a bad mood today even though

there's no one else I love more in the whole world.

I wish I could believe that.

But it's hard when Kasperle spends the night out with other puppets.

But Kasperle told you that that was only Herb.

You have to understand, children, that "Herb"

has a really big bust.

Kasperle loves crocodile's jokes!

Let's see how funny Kasperle finds this!

Are you crazy? - The crocodile whacked Kasperle!

No, no, it was all a joke.

Kasperle will now give the crocodile a great big kiss.

Then it'll calm down.

Yummy!

Cool! The crocodile is stronger than Kasperle!

Because the crocodile got enough sleep and wasn't out all night.

And Kasperle has to think up so many fairy tales.

Do it Whack Kasperle again!

Ouch! - Hey, kids!

Was that funny? - Yes!

Did you know that the crocodile was on the Eiffel Tower?

I was, too! You can see all of Paris!

Not when the crocodile was there. At that time

there was only bush land. The crocodile was so amazed that it wrote it all down

in its weird notebook.

Where did Kasperle go?

Kasperle,

what happened to your eye?

Yay, the crocodile won! - Yes!

Enough. This is getting childish. - So go. I can manage without you.

Thanks. Same to you.

What? Go! - I need a break.

Me, too. - You can run this place alone for now.

No problem. Take care, Ludo.

Ludo! Wait!

Ludo, are you leaving for good?

Don't leave us.

Look,

I was always a bad kindergartener. You need one who really takes care of you,

who doesn't sleep on the job.

But then we couldn't fart in his face.

That's true. - Cheyenne Blue, come inside.

Your mom is on the phone.

Go inside or Anna will be sad.

I don't want Anna to be sad.

You see, I don't want that either.

Come.

Thanks again for letting me stay with you.

Hey...

Maybe he'll be back.

He didn't come back yesterday or the days before that. He won't today.

Maybe it's better that way. - He's right.

I thought you understood me? - That I'm here because I still love you.

But it was so long ago.

And you left me. - Yes. It was a big mistake.

I never got over you. I missed you every day.

I named the well I built after you. - Really?

Yes. In a Tanzanian village there's an "Anna Gotzlowski Well."

If I could do it all again, I'd give everything, everything,

to spend my life with the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world.

I hope for your sake that he sees how lucky he is.

If he doesn't, then I'm sorry, but he's an idiot.

The problem is that men and women don't go together.

They always want to change us. We're simple. We need our freedom.

That's exactly what I say. I need my freedom, too.

Wow, you are amazing.

I hear that a lot. I grew up with boys.

I don't get along well with women. The bitchiness kills me.

Women can be so mean to each other.

Yeah. Let's go to my place for coffee.

Sounds like a good plan. - Like I said!

Wait a sec.

Hey, Ludo. Alone here, too?

Why is that? What has changed?

Everything changed. She is the woman of my life. I can be open with her...

I can be myself with her.

I think a man's purpose is to find the woman of his life.

Yvonne, how about you? Would you call Wiadimir the love of your life? - Yes!

When this super tall guy leaned down towards me at this awards ceremony...

He smiled at me, and I knew something was happening to me.

Yes, she was in huge pain. - Why pain? - Because...

I had stepped on her toes.

Yes, and he wears a size 14! - 14? You could put out forest fires...

Being as happy as you are here tonight,

would you say there is a secret recipe

for a perfect relationship?

Well, I think foo many give up too early.

And I think you need to find the strength to fight for your love.

No matter how hard it is: You have to keep fighting! - I'll remind you

next time you leave your Sweaty boxer shorts on the couch...

Yes... - Of course I will put them away...

Hello? - Ludo.

How are you?

Awful, to say the least.

Are you still mad? - No.

Where are you? - On the toilet.

Really? Me, too. - Really?

At Herb's?

No.

Can I see you tomorrow night?

That would be good. - 8 p.m., at the Italian place?

Fine.

Sweet dreams.

You, too.

Were you waiting? - No, no problem.

You're looking good. - You, too.

Anna, I have to tell you something. - I've been thinking a lot.

Me, too. - Do you believe

when you're really in love, that you can forgive bad mistakes,

even when you got hurt? - I think you should really try.

Yes, definitely.

Forgiving someone can feel good.

Maybe that expresses special love. - Yes.

For sure. True love is to be able

to admit one's mistakes.

Opening myself shows my partner what a special place he has in my life.

Yes. - And I mean, really,

even in the most perfect relationship, it can happen that you fight,

yell, are mean, cheat,

or forget to recycle the bottles.

Or look in their phone.

Being faithful your whole life is an impossible ideal nowadays.

True.

I would forgive you anything. Really. - I'd forgive you, too.

Because I love you very much. - I love you, too.

From the earth to the moon and back.

The wine is good. - Yes, it's super.

Anna, I screwed up. - Me, too.

Go ahead. - You first. - No, you go. - You were first.

Okay.

I was with Marie last night.

Great.

But you didn't sleep with her, right? - I did.

I think I'm going to puke.

You fell for her!

"Hello, I'm Marie.

Come on, let's go crazy. I'm not a real woman, I am

your best buddy with tits."

Anna! I was lonely and drunk.

And I was mad at you. I didn't really want it at all.

Did you slip on a banana peel? - Anna!

It was just stupid sex. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

I can't sleep with someone I don't have feelings for. - Men can.

What a cliché!

What did you want to say? - Still your turn. - You were with Ralf, right?

I wasn't "with" him. - Thank God. - I slept with him.

Super...

You went with that retard? Anna, what is wrong with you?

He is so awful. - Don't worry.

It was just wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Don't feel hurt.

I never would have thought it of you. I never would have.

We drank some wine. Ludo,

I was drunk, mad at you, and lonely.

That's no reason, Anna. - I know.

It was a mistake.

Will you forgive me?

It's not that simple, Anna.

When I think how that guy softened you up

and that he touched you. It's...

I can't think about it! It's disgusting!

Excuse me, can you resolve your sex problems at home?

What do you want? Sit down, or I'll smack you.

Unbelievable!

Ludo, let's go home.

I don't have a home. - Are you serious?

Yes.

Ludo, I don't understand. We did the exact same thing. - No, we didn't.

How so? - You just said you can't go to bed with someone

if you don't feel something. You need feelings!

Of course I feel something for him! I've known him forever!

We were together for three years! But those are other feelings!

You still love him, right?

Are you sad, Anna?

A bit.

Is Ludo coming back? - I don't think so.

Then I'm sad, too.

Don't be sad, Cheyenne Blue. If you miss him,

your mom can call him, and he'll come visit you.

Don't you miss Ludo? - I do.

Why don't you want to see him?

I'd like to see him, I really care about him.

But it's not possible right now.

Ludo said if you wish for something

and really believe in it, then it'll happen.

Sometimes two people wish for too much and then...

it still doesn't work even though they want it to.

That is silly.

Once for my birthday, I wished for a soap bubble machine,

skates, and a bear book.

First, my mom said it was too much, but I got it all anyway.

Your logic is overwhelming. You win.

I know. I'm clever.

Y'know what? I'm going to wish for myself that Ludo comes back.

Here, this is for you. - Thanks.

Dear Anna,

I'm writing from teba, where two years ago

we took our only vacation.

I took the train to Stettin, then I hitchhiked and walked

along the tracks. The rest of the trip was on the old fishing boat.

Just like we did back then.

And now [ sit here wondering why I went through all this again.

I was so happy back then that I didn't know what to do.

I never thought things would end this way.

I can't think of anything but you and the dreams that won't be fulfilled now,

because I was a stupid idiot.

I know I made the same mistake you made. Who did what

with or without feelings doesn't matter.

I know I hurt you, and that makes me very sad.

You asked me to forgive you, and I said it wasn't so simple. It is simple,

if I swallow my dumb, male pride. I'm doing that now.

As I do it all the anger is gone. Instead...

I am empty and sad.

Anna, I don't know what to do.

I miss you so much. I miss your smell, your skin.

I miss your laugh

and your swollen eyes when you wake up. I wanted to have

a little Anna with you or maybe five.

I know I was inattentive, not because I didn't love you anymore,

but because I took it for granted that we'd always be together. Anna,

don't put me out on a sheet of ice. I want a dignified old age.

I want to feed the ducks with you.

I know that I left, but I really want to come back.

I cannot live without you, Anna.

PS: If you take me back again,

you can let your leg and armpit hair grow as much as you want.

I promise.

Anna, I want to come home again.

Do you like it?

Looks sexy.

I don't want a little Anna.

You couldn't handle it.

I'd prefer a little Ludo. Then we can talk about a little Anna.

Will you still love me when I'm 180 and buy pants with an elastic waist?

Yes.

I love you.

I'll always love you.