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1
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,635
TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS,"
PROFESSIONAL BEACH VOLLEYBALL --
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:06,041
WE'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF
THE COMPLEX AND CRYPTIC SIGNALS
3
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:09,284
THAT ARE THE KEY
TO UNDERSTANDING THIS GAME.
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,110
ALSO, BASEBALL SIGNALS --
WHY NOBODY CARES.
5
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,476
AND DO YOU CATCH YOURSELF
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,054
WALKING WITH YOUR HANDS
BEHIND YOUR BACK?
7
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,394
IF SO, YOU'LL WANT TO HEAR
8
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,288
WHY DR. HANS DORFMAN SAYS
YOU ARE SLOWLY DYING.
9
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:23,491
ALL THAT AND MORE
TONIGHT ON "NEWSPAPERS."
10
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,238
IF YOU'RE AN AMERICAN
WHO HAS FRIENDS,
11
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,610
THEN CHANCES ARE, YOU'VE PLAYED
[BLEEP] MARRY, KILL.
12
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:39,839
IT'S THE GAME WHERE YOU CHOOSE
13
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,613
WHICH OF THREE PEOPLE
TO HAVE SEX WITH,
14
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,112
WHICH ONE TO MARRY,
AND WHICH ONE TO MURDER.
15
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,605
IN RECENT YEARS,
THE GAME TOOK A DARK TURN
16
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,847
WHEN A SERIAL KILLER BEGAN
17
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,621
MODELING HIS MURDERS
ON THE GAME,
18
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,250
AND HE BECAME KNOWN
AS THE [BLEEP] MARRY KILLER.
19
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,416
OF ALL THE CORRESPONDENTS
20
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,294
I COULD CHOOSE
TO COVER THE STORY,
21
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:58,433
I'D HAVE SEX WITH XANDRA,
I'D MARRY AMIR,
22
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,759
AND I'D SEND NARGE HEMINGWAY
23
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,663
TO GET THE FIRST
TELEVISION INTERVIEW
24
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,095
WITH THE [BLEEP] MARRY KILLER.
25
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,171
"IT WAS JUST A GAME."
26
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:08,139
THAT WAS THE ONLY STATEMENT MADE
BY CAROB LANDIS,
27
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,699
THE NOTORIOUS
[BLEEP] MARRY KILLER,
28
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:14,337
BEFORE BEING SENTENCED TO DEATH
JUST DAYS AGO.
29
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:19,105
FBI SPECIAL AGENTS KELLY SPEARS,
MARY AGOSTI, AND FAMKE CARBONALE
30
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,547
LED THE TASK FORCE
THAT CAUGHT LANDIS.
31
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,452
NONE OF US HAD EVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE IT.
32
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,354
IN FACT,
NOBODY IN THE AGENCY HAD.
33
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:28,356
LANDIS,
THE KILLER, HE WOULD --
OR...
34
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,189
AS WE CALL IT,
"THE PERP."
35
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:32,234
OH, MY GOSH.
I SAID "THE KILLER."
36
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,730
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
JUST TELL THE STORY.
37
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,561
OKAY, WELL, ANYWAY,
38
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,326
LANDIS, THE PERP,
HE WOULD KIDNAP FOUR VICTIMS --
39
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,766
WE CALL IT A 2-0-7.
40
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,171
YES.
41
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,373
THANK YOU AGAIN,
AGENT AGOSTI.
42
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,165
UM, YES, HE WOULD KIDNAP
FOUR VICTIMS --
43
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,277
AND THEN THAT VICTIM --
44
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:50,308
MARY'S GOT IT FROM HERE,
I GUESS.
45
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,645
THEN HE WOULD FORCE
ONE OF THE VICTIMS
46
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:55,822
TO "PLAY THE GAME."
47
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,419
SORRY.
48
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,891
YOU GOT A LITTLE SPIT ON MY FACE
WHEN YOU SAID "PLAY."
49
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,290
OH.
GO ON.
50
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,434
IT LOOKS USED,
BUT IT'S NOT.
51
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,889
I'M -- I'M --
I'M FINE, THANK YOU.
52
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,597
I CAN -- I CAN STRAIGHTEN IT
FOR YOU.
53
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,199
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
SURE.
54
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,672
THAT PERSON
WOULD THEN HAVE TO CHOOSE
55
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,671
WHICH ONE OF THE OTHER VICTIMS
SHE WOULD HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH,
56
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,244
WHICH ONE SHE'D MARRY,
57
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,842
AND THEN HE'D MAKE HER
KILL THE THIRD HERSELF.
58
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:25,514
THE PERP WAS ACTUALLY A LICENSED
MINISTER AT AN ONLINE CHURCH,
59
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,446
SO HE WOULD PERFORM
A LEGAL WEDDING CEREMONY.
60
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,451
I'M SORRY.
61
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,222
DO YOU HAVE A TRASH CAN
I COULD PUT THIS IN?
62
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,252
SHE CAN PUT IT
BACK IN HER SLEEVE.
SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT.
63
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,717
OH, GREAT.
THANK YOU.
I CAN TAKE THAT.
64
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,225
MM-HMM.
65
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,358
Hemingway:
WITH LANDIS BEHIND BARS,
66
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,733
THE NIGHTMARE WAS FINALLY OVER.
67
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,302
BUT WILL IT EVER TRULY BE OVER
68
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,401
FOR THE PEOPLE
LANDIS TERRORIZED?
69
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:49,773
MARILYN ROMAN AND HER CO-WORKERS
CHAD, DEREK, AND TOM
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00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,743
WERE VICTIMS OF THE FMK KILLER.
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00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,643
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
72
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,375
MARILYN HAS SPOKEN PUBLICLY
ABOUT THE ORDEAL.
73
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:58,581
GO, "NEWSREADERS"!
[ SIGHS ]
74
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,652
SO, TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR ORDEAL.
75
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:06,891
UM, WELL, I WAS FORCED
TO KILL A MAN WITH A NAIL GUN.
76
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,420
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]
YIKES.
77
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,256
LET'S GET TO THE OTHER TWO.
78
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,631
WHO DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH?
79
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,699
OH, UM, DEREK.
[ GIGGLES ] OBVIOUSLY.
80
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,658
HE IS SUPERHOT.
81
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,267
BUT NOT HUSBAND MATERIAL.
82
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,429
OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.
83
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:20,797
HE DRIVES A MOTORCYCLE
84
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,574
AND HAS A TATTOO THAT SAYS
"FOLLOW ME."
85
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:24,774
OOH, YEAH.
HOT, BUT I GET IT.
86
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,335
NOW, HOW ABOUT TOM?
87
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:30,244
TOM AND I HAVE BEEN
HAPPILY MARRIED EVER SINCE.
88
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,948
AND WE HAVE
TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.
89
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,850
ONE IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
90
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,023
THAT ONE'S DEREK'S, RIGHT?
91
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,890
OH, YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]
OBVI.
92
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:39,889
[ CHUCKLES ]
93
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,920
HEY!
94
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,724
OHH! OW!
HEY, YOU!
95
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,326
HE'S A HITTER.
96
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,728
Hemingway:
MARILYN'S HUSBAND, TOM ROMAN.
97
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,430
THAT'S JEREMY, OUR OLDEST.
98
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,602
HE'S GOT THE DEVIL IN HIM,
THAT ONE.
99
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:53,270
AND DEREK.
HE HAS DEREK IN HIM.
100
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,371
HE'S DEREK'S SON.
101
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,402
THE GUY MARILYN F'ED.
102
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:59,737
GREAT LAY, SOLID GENES,
NOT DAD MATERIAL.
103
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,443
"NEWSREADERS" WAS GRANTED
104
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:02,975
THE FIRST-EVER INTERVIEW
WITH LANDIS.
105
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:06,550
WE ARE SO KILLING IT RIGHT NOW!
106
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,880
[ SIGHS ]
107
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,346
DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS?
108
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,654
I REGRET NOT ACCOMPLISHING
EVERYTHING I WANTED TO.
109
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,821
THERE WAS STILL SOME
INTERESTING WORK TO BE DONE.
110
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,486
"INTERESTING WORK"?
111
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:20,055
I NEVER GOT TO MAKE ANYONE PLAY
WITH TRIPLETS, FOR INSTANCE.
112
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,033
THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING.
113
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,032
RIGHT?
114
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,433
YEAH.
115
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:27,025
I HAVE A HARD ONE FOR YOU.
116
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,797
ZOOEY DESCHANEL,
SCARLETT JOHANSSON,
117
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,037
AND LISA BONET --
LISA BONET IN HER PRIME,
118
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,042
LIKE "ANGEL HEART"
LISA BONET.
119
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:37,314
"F" LISA, MARRY ScarJo,
KILL ZOOEY.
120
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,582
WHOA, YEAH.
THAT'S TOTALLY RIGHT.
121
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,684
YEAH, HELLO.
I'M A SERIAL KILLER, OKAY?
122
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,386
WE'RE REALLY KIND OF SMART.
THIS IS, LIKE, OUR WHOLE DEAL.
123
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,389
HOW ARE YOU FEELING
RIGHT NOW?
124
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:50,421
WELL, AGAIN,
SERIAL KILLER,
125
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,788
SO FEELINGS ARE KIND OF
FOREIGN TO ME,
126
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,925
BUT I HAVE TO SAY THAT
IF I WERE TO GET OUT OF HERE,
127
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,631
SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE
TO CHOOSE
128
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:58,733
BETWEEN THREE CERTAIN
FBI SPECIAL AGENTS.
129
00:04:58,766 --> 00:04:59,796
ME?
130
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,003
WHAT?
[ LAUGHS ]
131
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,674
NO, NOT YOU.
I'M SORRY.
132
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,543
I SEE HOW IT COULD'VE BEEN
INTERPRETED THAT WAY.
133
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:05,912
[ Chuckling ]
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT ME.
134
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,009
NO, NO.
135
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,580
SORRY.
[ CHUCKLES ]
136
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,880
Spears:
EVERY PSYCHO WANTS REVENGE.
137
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:15,422
LET HIM TRY
AND PLAY THAT GAME WITH ME.
138
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,919
'CAUSE I WILL STEP
ON HIS HEART
139
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,490
AFTER I RIP IT OUT OF HIS CHEST
WITH THESE.
140
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,121
[ GASPS ]
YOU HAVE PERFECT FEET.
141
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,726
I KNOW.
142
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,526
YOU'RE PLAYING THE GAME WITH US,
AREN'T YOU?
143
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,865
MNH -- MNH-MNH. NO.
144
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,668
YES. YES.
IT'S VERY HARD NOT TO.
145
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,874
I'M OBVIOUSLY THE "F"
BECAUSE I'M THE HOTTEST.
YEAH.
146
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:41,437
AND SPECIAL AGENT
SPECIAL NEEDS HERE
147
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,675
IS JUST GONNA HAVE TO HANDLE
THAT REALITY.
148
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,081
AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'LL BE KILLED,
149
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,782
BECAUSE EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR
PAINTED [BLEEP] SLOT
150
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,115
INSPIRES MURDER.
151
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,589
[ SCOFFS ]
152
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,919
WE'VE BEEN WITH THE CASE
A LONG TIME.
153
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,694
IT GETS IN YOUR HEAD.
154
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:56,923
MM. RIGHT.
155
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:57,957
BUT FOR THE RECORD,
156
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,061
I'M FINE WITH BEING THE MARRY.
157
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,132
OH, WOULD YOU
JUST GROW A PAIR?
158
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,700
I'M THE MARRY.
159
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:02,999
I CAN DRIVE STICK SHIFT,
I LIKE FOOTBALL,
160
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,470
I CAN CUT HAIR,
I CAN MAKE A BRAN MUFFIN --
161
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:05,828
YOU ARE DEFINITELY
THE KILL.
162
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,596
NO, NO, NO, NO --
I'M THE MARRY.
YES, YOU ARE.
163
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,435
OR I'M THE "F,"
OR I'M BOTH.
PLEASE.
164
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,870
I'M THE MARRY.
I'M THE ONE WITH THE DSLs.
YOU SHOULD TAKE MY CLASS.
165
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,565
AND I'M THE MARRY WHO YOU ALSO
WANT TO "F."
166
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,037
LISTEN!
NO ONE WANTS TO "F" YOU.
167
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,576
THAT'S WHY I'M THE MARRY,
168
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,481
BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE TO WANT
TO "F" THE MARRY.
169
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,654
SOMETIMES TWICE A WEEK.
170
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,494
I'M THE MARRY, BITCHES.
171
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,462
THE QUESTION
I GET ASKED MOST AFTER,
172
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,592
"HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO LOUIS LaFONDA?"
173
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:34,857
HAS TO BE, "HOW ON EARTH
174
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,055
DOES A SHOW LIKE 'NEWSREADERS'
GET MADE?"
175
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,527
TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION,
176
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,696
WE TAKE YOU
TO THE OTHER SIDE OF OUR CAMERAS
177
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,744
FOR THE STORY
BEHIND THE STORIES.
178
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,068
YOU'RE PROBABLY FAMILIAR
WITH THIS SCENE.
179
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:51,207
AND TONIGHT, WE'LL MEET A MAN
WHO HAS NEVER MET A MAN, EVER.
180
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,484
ALL THAT AND MORE
TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS."
181
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:54,924
WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE AWARE OF
182
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:58,218
IS HOW MUCH WORK IT TAKES
TO PUT TOGETHER A SINGLE STORY
183
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,121
BEFORE IT IS READY
FOR BROADCAST.
184
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:03,923
TAKE A LOOK BEHIND THE SCENES
AT OUR "NEWSREADERS" OFFICES,
185
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,057
AND THE FIRST THING
YOU WILL NOTICE IS
186
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,233
IT IS A HIVE OF ACTIVITY.
187
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,860
COME ON, PRINCESS --
MOVE IT, MOVE IT.
188
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:11,696
THE NEWS FLOOR
PULSES WITH PRODUCERS,
189
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,202
ASSOCIATE PRODUCERS,
CAMERAMEN, GRIPS,
190
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,744
GAFFERS, AND SUPPORT STAFF.
191
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,810
IT TAKES A LOT
OF TALENTED JOURNALISTS
192
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,539
TO MAKE AN EPISODE
OF "NEWSREADERS,"
193
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,744
AND IT ALL STARTS
BEFORE MOST PEOPLE
194
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,176
HAVE EVEN HAD THEIR COFFEE.
195
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,581
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER REG MINTON
RUNS THE MORNING MEETING.
196
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,015
BRUCE, WHAT DO YOU GOT?
197
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,650
GUN LOBBIES, BANKROLLING,
198
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,685
A MISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN.
199
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:36,491
NOBODY CARES
ABOUT GUN CONTROL ANYMORE.
200
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:37,694
Hemingway: REG IS TOUGH,
201
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,225
BUT GETTING A STORY RIGHT
IS EVEN TOUGHER.
202
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,100
I MIGHT BE GOING OUT
ON A LIMB HERE,
203
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:45,099
BUT HOW ABOUT WE DO A FEATURE
ON KATE BECKINSALE?
204
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,802
YEAH.
205
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,574
Hemingway:
VIDEO EDITORS AND PRODUCERS
206
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,642
DELIVER ROUGH CUTS
TO THE CONTROL ROOM
207
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:51,941
THROUGHOUT THE DAY.
208
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,642
AT 4:00 P.M.,
THE BROADCAST LINEUP IS SET.
209
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,835
BUT SCRIPTS WILL CONTINUE
TO BE REWRITTEN
210
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,177
SOMETIMES RIGHT UP UNTIL AIR.
211
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,852
ARE WE CLEARED TO SAY
212
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,721
THAT THE HOSPITAL KNEW
THE VACCINES WERE CONTAMINATED?
213
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,690
STILL WAITING TO HEAR BACK
FROM LEGAL, CHIEF.
214
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,018
THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TIME.
215
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,663
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE IT
TO "ALLEGEDLY."
216
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:08,718
YOU KNOW WHAT?
217
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,856
THIS IS A 10:00 A.M.
CONVERSATION,
218
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,031
NOT A 5:00 P.M. ONE.
[ GROANS ]
219
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,730
AS AIR TIME APPROACHES,
220
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:17,772
HAIR AND MAKEUP IS THE FIRST
STOP FOR CORRESPONDENTS.
221
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,768
PILLOWS MAKES US CAMERA-READY,
222
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,000
AND REVISED SCRIPTS
ARE DISTRIBUTED.
223
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:23,896
IT'S MINUTES TO AIR,
224
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,537
AND DIRECTOR KELSON HOBSON
TAKES OVER.
225
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:28,705
WHO'S GOT MY RUNDOWN?
226
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,912
WHERE'S MY DAMN RUNDOWN?!
227
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,680
BY THE TIME YOU HEAR
THOSE FAMILIAR WORDS...
228
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,086
ALL OF THAT AND MORE
NEXT WEEK ON "NEWSREADERS."
229
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,019
Man: CUT! WHOO!
230
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,294
OHO!
231
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,892
Hemingway:
...THE "NEWSREADERS" TEAM
232
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,034
IS ALREADY HARD AT WORK
ON THE NEXT SHOW.
233
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,129
SO WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHAT MAKES UP
A "NEWSREADERS" BROADCAST,
234
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,332
TELL THEM IT'S A LOT OF
ELBOW GREASE, DOGGED REPORTING,
235
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,765
AND THE INMATES FROM THE LAKE
HOWARD MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON
236
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:57,843
IN PENSACOLA, FLORIDA.
237
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:01,011
TONIGHT, SKIP REMING
HAS SOME VERY PUBLIC THOUGHTS
238
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,711
ABOUT PRIVACY.
239
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,313
I COULD GIVE TWO MOUSE TURDS
240
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,354
AND A BABY ASPIRIN
ABOUT MY PRIVACY
241
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,679
BECAUSE SKIP REMING'S LIVED
HIS LIFE LIKE AN OPEN BOOK.
242
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,247
WHEN I RAN
AWAY FROM KINDERGARTEN
243
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,624
AND WENT TO WORK FOR A BOUNTY
HUNTER NAMED MYSTERIOUS GUS,
244
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,985
KIDNAPPING MY FORMER CLASSMATES
245
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,333
AND SENDING THEM TO WORK
IN THE URINAL-CAKE FACTORY,
246
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,058
I DIDN'T KEEP IT
SOME KIND OF SECRET.
247
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:23,063
I WROTE ALL ABOUT IT
IN MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY,
248
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:26,666
"HEY KID, WANT TO SEE
WHERE THEY MAKE URINAL CAKES?"
249
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,900
A COUPLE YEARS LATER,
250
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,665
I DECIDED TO GET
INTO THE HIGH-STAKES WORLD
251
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,314
OF STEALING RACEHORSE SEMEN.
252
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,169
WHEN PEOPLE ASKED
WHAT I DID FOR A LIVING,
253
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,277
DID I TELL THEM TO MIND
THEIR OWN BUSINESS,
254
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,339
THAT IT WAS PRIVATE?
255
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,777
NO.
256
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,082
I GAVE THEM A COPY
OF MY SECOND BOOK,
257
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,923
"DON'T BE AFRAID
TO USE YOUR MOUTH."
258
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,790
AND WHEN I TOOK ALL THE MONEY
THAT I'D EARN ROBBING PONY JUICE
259
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,919
AND REINVESTED IT
INTO A SMALL BUSINESS,
260
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,815
DID I HIDE
WHERE I GOT THE MONEY FROM?
261
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:50,957
NO.
262
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:54,361
I OPENED UP MY BOOKS,
STARTING WITH THE ONE TITLED,
263
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:58,104
"KID BUSINESS: HOW I USED
PROFITS FROM CHILD SLAVERY
264
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,871
AND PILFERED HORSE GRAVY
TO BUY A URINAL CAKE FACTORY."
265
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:06,112
JOIN MY BOOK CLUB, AND YOU CAN
GET ONE OF MY BOOKS EVERY MONTH,
266
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:09,709
FROM "A FEW GOOD WARS"
267
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:14,313
TO MY LATEST, "I WROTE THAT."
268
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,977
NEXT WEEK ON "NEWSREADERS,"
269
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:19,016
IN OUR CONTINUING COVERAGE
OF LESBIANS UNTIL GRADUATION,
270
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,052
AMIR LARUSSA CATCHES UP
WITH THE LUGS
271
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,918
HE HAS BEEN FOLLOWING
SINCE 2011.
272
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,357
Larussa: SO, LIZZY,
YOU'RE GRADUATING TOMORROW.
273
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,033
DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE A LESBIAN
AFTER THE GRADUATION?
274
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,901
OOH.
"S" JUST GOT REAL.
275
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,012
I'M REAGAN BISCAYNE.
GOOD NIGHT.
20453
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