Original subtitles

>> Biscayne: TONIGHT ON

"NEWSREADERS," YOUR PARANOIA WAS

RIGHT.

THOSE GUYS IN THE LOCKER ROOM

ARE TRYING TO STEAL YOUR

COMBINATION.

ALSO...

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

...WE INTERVIEW

TERRENCE HERNDON, A BLACK COP

WHO DIRECTS TRAFFIC WITHOUT ANY

OF THE SOULFUL MOVES WHITE

PEOPLE HAVE COME TO EXPECT.

[ WHISTLE CHIRPS ]

ALL THAT AND MORE TONIGHT...

ON "NEWSREADERS."

FIRST TONIGHT, OVER THE YEARS,

WE'VE SHOWN YOU MANY

INSPIRATIONAL STORIES OF THE

HUMAN SPIRIT TRIUMPHING OVER

ODDS RANGING FROM ALL TO SOME...

LIKE THE STORY OF THE REMARKABLE

YOUNG MAN WE MET MANY YEARS AGO

WHO WENT ON TO WIN THE WORLD

SERIES OF PINBALL.

>> YOU REALLY DO PLAY BY

INTUITION, TOMMY.

>> Biscayne: BUT WE HAD YET TO

MEET SOMEONE AS INSPIRATIONAL AS

YOUNG BRANDON GIFFORD.

[ CROWD SHOUTING AND CHEERING ]

FROM AN EARLY AGE,

BRANDON GIFFORD WAS A FOOTBALL

PHENOMENON -- PEE WEE FOOTBALL

MVP, ALL-STATE AT AGE 6.

BY 8, MIDDLE-SCHOOL COACHES HAD

STARTED RECRUITING HIM.

FOR BRANDON'S PARENTS, EDDIE AND

JULIE, IT'S BEEN ALL FOOTBALL

ALL THE TIME.

>> PEOPLE LIKE TO SAY THAT

BRANDON CAME OUT OF THE WOMB

PLAYING FOOTBALL.

>> I LIKE TO SAY HE CAME OUT OF

JULIE'S "BEAVE" IN AN "I"

FORMATION -- AN "I" FORMATION,

AS IN, "I'M GONNA PLAY

FOOTBALL."

>> MM.

AND THAT'S HOW IT'S BEEN EVER

SINCE -- EDDIE TELLING STRANGERS

ABOUT MY COOCH AND BRANDON

PLAYING FOOTBALL.

>> PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM.

>> MM-HMM.

>> TWO GREATEST THINGS IN MY

LIFE.

>> Biscayne: BRANDON WAS ASSURED

A STARTING POSITION ON THE

FRESHMAN TEAM, BUT THEN TRAGEDY

STRUCK.

>> ONE DAY, BRANDON WAS MESSING

AROUND INSIDE THE CLOTHES DRYER.

>> IT'S ONE OF THOSE

FRONT-END-LOADING DEALS.

>> Biscayne: [ CHUCKLES ]

>> AND HIS BROTHER TURNED THE

DRYER ON WHILE BRANDON WAS STILL

INSIDE.

>> Biscayne: [ Laughing ] OH,

NO!

>> BY THE TIME WE COULD PULL THE

PLUG OUT OF THE WALL, BRANDON'S

HEAD HAD FALLEN CLEAN OFF.

>> Biscayne: [ LAUGHS ]

SORRY.

I WAS LAUGHING AT THE FIRST PART

OF THAT STORY.

SO, HIS HEAD CAME CLEAN OFF.

>> COMPLETELY.

>> Biscayne: I NOTICED YOU SAID

"FRONT-END LOADER" BACK THERE,

BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE A REFERENCE

TO YOUR WIFE'S VAGINA.

>> [ LAUGHS ] YOU GOT ME THERE.

YEAH, I -- I LOVE TO LOSE MY

HEAD IN JULIE'S FRONT LOADER.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> Biscayne: AMAZINGLY, BRANDON

SURVIVED THE ACCIDENT, AND

THANKS TO THE LOVE AND SUPPORT

OF HIS FAMILY, HE HAS BEEN ABLE

TO LEAD A FAIRLY NORMAL LIFE.

>> OHH, WATCH YOUR FINGERS.

>> Biscayne: DESPITE HIS INJURY,

BRANDON WAS DETERMINED TO PLAY

FOOTBALL AGAIN.

>> YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW SURPRISED

I WAS WHEN BRANDON APPEARED IN

MY OFFICE.

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT...

MOSTLY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE A

HEAD.

>> Biscayne: AND WHY WAS HE

THERE?

>> HE WANTED TO PLAY FOOTBALL!

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT BOY HAS AN UNBREAKABLE

SPIRIT.

>> Biscayne: I GUESS YOU COULD

SAY WHAT HE LACKS IN HEAD, HE

MORE THAN MAKES UP FOR IN HEART.

>> WELL, THAT SEEMS KIND OF

CRASS.

>> THEY SAID HE COULDN'T PLAY

BECAUSE OF THE MANDATORY HELMET

RULE.

>> BRANDON CAN'T WEAR A HELMET.

>> Biscayne: BECAUSE HE DOESN'T

HAVE A HEAD.

>> RIGHT.

>> Biscayne: BUT IS THERE NO

MANDATORY HEAD RULE?

>> NO. WE CAUGHT A BREAK THERE.

>> Biscayne: MM.

>> BUT EDDIE AND I HAVE A

MANDATORY HEAD RULE.

5:00 ON SATURDAYS, HE'S DOWN IN

MY MAN-TRAP.

>> Biscayne: THE BREAKS KEPT

COMING FOR BRANDON.

HIS TEAMMATES REFUSED TO PLAY

WITHOUT HIM, AND THE SCHOOL HAD

NO CHOICE BUT TO WAIVE THE

HELMET POLICY.

>> WHEN WE FOUND OUT BRANDON WAS

ABLE TO PLAY, WE DECIDED,

WHENEVER WE GET TO CALL A TOSS,

WE WILL NEVER CALL HEADS.

>> Biscayne: BECAUSE BRANDON

DOESN'T HAVE A HEAD.

BRANDON REJOINED HIS TEAMMATES,

AND THE FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON

WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY.

>> WE'VE LEARNED SO MUCH MORE

FROM BRANDON THAN HE WILL EVER

LEARN FROM US.

>> FOR INSTANCE, WE TOLD HIM A

MILLION TIMES NOT TO PLAY IN THE

CLOTHES DRYER, BUT HE WOULDN'T

LISTEN.

AND NOW HE CAN'T LISTEN.

>> Biscayne: BECAUSE HE HAS NO

EARS.

>> BECAUSE HE HAS NO EARS.

>> Biscayne: NOTHING ABOUT

JULIE'S VAGINA?

>> HEY, TIME AND A PLACE, PAL.

>> Biscayne: WE WERE THERE FOR

BRANDON'S BIG GAME.

>> GO, BRANDON!

BRANDON, WE'RE ALL HERE!

HONEY!

>> THAT'S MY SON, THE ONE

WITHOUT THE HEAD!

>> AND AT HALFBACK, NUMBER 77,

BRANDON GIFFORD!

>> Biscayne: AND IN THE FIRST

QUARTER, BRANDON'S DREAM FINALLY

CAME TRUE.

>> THE SNAP.

HANDED TO GIFFORD!

[ THUD ]

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

GIFFORD'S DOWN!

>> BRANDON!

>> BRANDON GIFFORD IS DOWN!

THIS IS A TRAGEDY.

BUT WHAT DID WE THINK WOULD

HAPPEN?

I MEAN, THAT KID HAS NO HEAD.

HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALIVE,

RIGHT?

I MEAN, WHERE'S THE DAMN BRAIN,

HUH?

>> Biscayne: HE MAKES A GOOD

POINT.

CUT IT.

I KNEW THIS STORY SEEMED TOO

GOOD TO BE TRUE.

WE'RE HAPPY TO REPORT THAT

BRANDON GIFFORD WILL BE OUT OF

HIS BODY CAST IN FOUR TO SIX

WEEKS.

WELL, ONE THING YOU CAN NEVER

REALLY RECOVER FROM IS IDENTITY

THEFT, EVEN IF YOU ARE AN

IDENTITY THIEF.

AMIR LARUSSA HAS MORE.

>> THIS IS SERGEI KIEV.

HE'S A THIRD-GENERATION IDENTITY

THIEF AND A SINGLE FATHER OF

FOUR.

FOR SERGEI, THERE WAS A TIME NOT

TOO LONG AGO WHEN EVERYTHING WAS

HIS FOR THE TAKING.

>> YOU TALK TO ME A MONTH AGO,

BRO, I WOULD SAY THESE DAYS,

IT'S EASY TO STEAL IDENTITY,

BRO.

IT'S LIKE, UH, PFFT!

>> THAT DOES SOUND EASY.

>> WELL, "PFFT" IS RUSSIAN FOR

"EASY."

>> YOU MUST HAVE STOLEN A FEW

GOOD IDENTITIES ALONG THE WAY.

WHICH ONE WAS YOUR FAVORITE?

>> WILLOW SMITH.

>> OH!

THAT'S AWESOME.

>> PFFT!

>> PFFT!

>> NO.

"PFFT."

>> PFFT.

>> NO.

IT'S "P."

P-FFT.

PFFT.

>> WE COULD LOOK AT FOOTAGE, AND

IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

>> BUT THESE DAYS, NOTHING LOOKS

THE SAME TO SERGEI.

>> THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN SO EASY

FOR YOU RECENTLY, HAVE THEY?

>> OH, BRO.

NO. IT'S BEEN BAD.

>> IT'S NOT SO "PFFT" ANYMORE.

>> IT'S NOT "PFFT," NO, BRO.

>> "BRO" MUST MEAN "YES" IN

RUSSIAN, OR MAYBE LIKE "ALOHA,"

IT MEANS SEVERAL THINGS.

HE USES IT A LOT.

>> MY PROBLEM WAS, I STOLE A

REALLY TERRIBLE IDENTITY --

FRED BARKLEY.

>> WHEN SERGEI STOLE RETAIL

CLERK FRED BARKLEY'S IDENTITY,

HE GOT MORE THAN HE BARGAINED

FOR.

S-STOLE FOR?

STOLE FOR?

STOLE FOR.

>> OH, STEALING THIS BARKLEY --

I MEAN, BIGGER MISTAKE THAN

CLEANING LADY WHO PUT MY TRACK

SUIT IN THE DRYER.

MY LIFE IS RUINED.

>> 'CAUSE OF THE TRACK SUIT?

>> NO, I'M WEARING.

IT'S OKAY NOW.

I IRONED IT.

>> SO, YOU STOLE THE WRONG

IDENTITY.

>> YEAH.

>> AND HE'S BEEN PAYING FOR THAT

MISTAKE EVER SINCE.

>> I'M STUCK PAYING ALL THESE

BILLS, THOUSANDS OF PARKING

TICKETS.

AND THOSE DEBT COLLECTORS ARE

RUTHLESS, BRO.

8:00 A.M. THEY CALL EVERY DAY.

AND WEEKENDS, TOO.

AND ALWAYS DURING DINNERTIME.

AND NOW I HAVE HIS SUBSCRIPTION

TO NETFLIX.

>> THAT LAST ONE DOESN'T SOUND

SO BAD.

>> IT'S DVD ONLY, BRO.

>> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

>> SERGEI DIDN'T JUST ASSUME

FRED BARKLEY'S DEBT.

HE ALSO TOOK IN BARKLEY'S

CHILDREN.

>> WHY DON'T YOU GIVE THE KIDS

UP FOR ADOPTION?

>> IF I DON'T LOOK AFTER THE

KIDS, BRO, WHO WILL?

>> SO, IF YOU'D GO BACK AND DO

IT DIFFERENTLY, WHAT WOULD YOU

DO?

>> I WOULDN'T STEAL IDENTITY I

FOUND ON BATHROOM WALL.

>> YOU FOUND IT ON A BATHROOM

WALL?

>> YES. WHERE'D YOU FIND YOURS?

>> I WAS BORN WITH THIS ONE.

>> OKAY.

>> SERGEI FOUND ALL HE NEEDED

HERE, IN THE BATHROOM OF A

RUSSIAN RESTAURANT POPULAR WITH

IDENTITY THIEVES.

WE TRACKED DOWN FRED BARKLEY,

WHO NOW GOES BY THE NAME...

JOHNNY HOGWILD?

>> THEY GOT EVERYTHING -- MY

STUDENT-LOAN DEBT, MY HOUSE, MY

KIDS.

SO, I FIGURED THE BEST THING TO

DO IS JUST START A NEW LIFE

UNDER A NEW IDENTITY.

I HAD TO SANDBLAST OFF MY

FINGERPRINTS, GET A NEW

PASSPORT.

I HAD TO GET 13 NEW CREDIT

CARDS, SO...

>> YOU HAVE A JET SKI IN YOUR

HOUSE.

>> I DO.

>> DID YOU BUY THIS WITH THE NEW

CREDIT CARDS?

>> I DID, YES.

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOUR LIFE IS

CRAZY, WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR FAMILY

SLIPPING AWAY FROM YOU, WHEN YOU

DON'T KNOW UP FROM DOWN,

SOMETIMES THE SIMPLE COMFORTS OF

LIFE CAN HELP YOU TO FEEL SANE.

>> LIKE A DOG BUTLER AND JUST

ONE HORSE FROM A CAROUSEL?

>> YEAH.

>> SADLY, LIKE SO MANY

IMMIGRANTS BEFORE HIM, SERGEI

NOW FINDS THAT HIS AMERICAN

DREAM HAS TURNED INTO A LIVING

NIGHTMARE.

>> "NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VEGAS

VACATION."

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

>> RIGHT, ALWAYS, RIGHT IN THE

MIDDLE OF DINNER.

>> YOUR LIFE AS AN IDENTITY

THIEF TURNED OUT VERY

DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU EXPECTED.

ANY REGRETS?

>> SOME DAYS, I WISH I'D GOTTEN

INTO MORE SENSIBLE FIELD, LIKE

HARVESTING IMMIGRANT ORGANS OR

SELLING COUNTERFEIT RETROVIRAL

DRUGS.

>> Biscayne: AND NOW SOME SAGE

WORDS FROM SKIP REMING.

SKIP.

>> I'VE COVERED EVERY PRESIDENT

SINCE DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER WAS

IN SHORT PANTS PLAYING COWBOYS

AND INDIANS IN HIS BACKYARD WITH

REAL COWBOYS AND INDIANS.

AND WHEN YOU COVER THE

PRESIDENTS, THEY BECOME YOUR

FRIENDS...

EVEN CARTER.

AND LIKE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, WITH

PRESIDENTS, YOU SPEND A LOT OF

TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ONE

THING -- WHOSE WIFE WOULD I

REALLY LIKE TO NAIL?

SO, FOR ME, WHICH FIRST LADY IS

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY?

WELL, BETTY FORD IS A GOOD PLACE

TO START.

SHE WAS ALWAYS A LOT OF FUN.

JACKIE O. -- WELL, THAT WAS A

NO-BRAINER.

HER HUSBAND, JACK, WAS SO MOBBED

UP, YOU DIDN'T DARE UNLESS YOU

FANCIED BECOMING THE HAM IN A

CUBAN SANDWICH SERVED IN A DINER

CALLED CAMELOT.

"LADY BIRD" JOHNSON?

WELL, THAT BIRD WAS A LADY, AND

SHE HAD NO INTEREST IN MY

JOHNSON.

OF COURSE A LOT OF PEOPLE ALSO

ASK ME, "SKIP, IF YOU HAD A TIME

MACHINE, WHICH PRESIDENT WOULD

YOU GO BACK IN TIME TO

MAKE WEAR THE HORNS OF SHAME?"

THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION.

THERE'S ONLY ONE ANSWER --

OUR EIGHTH PRESIDENT,

MARTIN VAN BUREN.

THIS SLICE OF SOUTHERN PEACH PIE

IS ANGELICA SINGLETON VAN BUREN.

SHE WAS MARTIN VAN BUREN'S

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, AND BECAUSE

VAN BUREN DIDN'T HAVE A WIFE, HE

MADE ANGELICA THE FIRST LADY AT

THE AGE OF 20.

AND IF I COULD BEND SPACE AND

TIME...

I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO TAKE A

WALTZ IN HER ROSE GARDEN.

YES, SIR.

>> Biscayne: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK,

WHEN WE'LL TAKE YOU TO THE RED

CARPET AND FIND OUT WHY SIDE

BOOB HAS BEEN REPLACED BY SIDE

BALL.

I'M REAGAN BISCAYNE.

GOOD NIGHT.