Original subtitles

[gentle relaxing music]

[women laugh]

[car horn beeps]

[Marley] Hi!

[Stacey] It's your new neighbor.

[Lulu] Look away, look away!

[soft music playing on radio]

[Marley] Excuse me.

[Stacey] Don't look round, she's getting out the car.

What are you doing?

No, no, I wasn't, I was just not, not, I wasn't.

We're sports enthusiasts, innocently enjoying

the spectacle of sporting activity.

Brilliant.

Which happens to be a group

of attractive women bouncing around in Lycra?

Which happens to be a sporting activity.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't want anyone watching me

when I exercise.

I've never seen you exercise.

Don't go there.

Well of course I exercise,

how do you think I stay in shape?

By never sitting down.

Really not helping yourself.

Oh, Jill, can I have a word?

[Jill] Not in trouble, am I?

What?

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ You're the best I ever found ♪

Abby?

This is a surprise.

[sighs]

Mia, say hello to your Auntie Marley.

[scoffs]

She's out of control, she doesn't listen to me,

she thinks she's some sort of a rebel.

Jesus was a rebel, didn't like authority.

She goes to clubs, she's in a band!

Wasn't in a band, could've been though, had the hair.

She just doesn't listen to me.

Sh, I'm on the phone.

See!

Sh, I'm on the phone, Mother.

What?

Yeah I'm just with Mum and Auntie Marley.

What?

Oh no, she's just some bird.

Auntie Marley is not just some bird.

Well unless she meant like some bird, you know, like, hot.

[laughs]

Did you mean it like that?

No.

I meant the shit version.

Mia!

Yeah and mum says I've gotta stay with her for the night.

What?

Oh it's just for a night,

I need to get my head straight, please,

Marley I just need to spend time by myself.

Oh, well, what am I supposed to do with her?

You're a magistrate, teach her right from wrong

and that means no going out, no meeting boys,

and no going down that awful club.

I trust you, don't let me down.

Oh, no.

[Jill] Marley, did you want a word?

Oh yes, no Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby hang on!

[Abby] See ya, see ya!

Wait wait!

What did you want to say?

Yes.

Oh, it's nice you being here.

I was in a band once, well, choir,

it's all singing, isn't it?

There was no after show parties though,

or sex, just cream teas.

Got some cake stuck once and vomited though,

which is actually quite rock and roll, isn't it?

[laughs]

[Marley] I'll get us some wine, Jill.

[Jill] Juice!

[Marley] Okay!

[Jill] I've got to watch the weight.

What are you doing?

Well Philippa Gotly and Carol Strong are taking

their skirts up so I'm taking mine up.

[laughs]

I don't think so.

Why not?

You're not my mum.

No, I'm your auntie and tonight it seems

I'm responsible for you.

Right, well, if I can't have a shorter skirt

can I at least borrow some high heels?

Oh you'd look good in high heels.

No one's wearing high heels.

No short skirt, no high heels, this is so unfair!

[Jill] Marley?

Coming.

You know back in the day I just used to stroll over

to girls like that, start chatting.

Then tragedy struck and it all had to stop.

You died.

No, I met Marley.

Although I suppose death and being married

to Marley amount to much the same thing.

No more sharking for Adamski.

No more what-ing?

You know, chatting to girls, enjoying yourself.

[women laughing]

What?

Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't

go over there and start chatting.

They can't see you, they can't hear you.

And your point is?

My point is they can't talk back.

Right, so they can't reject me,

or trick me, or insist that I wear deodorant.

I can talk to beautiful girls

and they can't do anything about it.

Yeah but, actually that sounds great.

Yeah.

I'm sorry about that, Jill, I got my niece staying.

Oh, that's nice.

[Marley] Not really.

So what did you want to?

Oh, yeah.

I feel like the new girl at school

and I saw you out with your jogging group

and I thought maybe I could, you know, join in?

Ah.

Oh, problem?

You know this is so unfair, everyone says

make the most of yourself.

Oh that's good advice.

Well Robert Collins says I've got the best legs in class.

I bet he does, you're a honey.

Yeah, she's 16.

You should wear high heels.

No, she's not wearing high heels.

Well in that case you should shorten your skirt.

No one's shortening their skirt.

But Robert Collins thinks she's got

the best legs in class.

Well when she's got the best grades

in class maybe she can get some high heels.

I do get the best grades in class.

Really?

Well done.

Right, so shall we go get me some high heels?

[laughs]

Absolutely not.

I hate you!

You know this is so typical of people like you.

Just 'cause you can't be sexy anymore

means you won't let anyone else be sexy.

Teenagers.

It's a difficult age.

[Jill] Mm.

Complexities of hormones.

According to recent research the young feel,

I'm still sexy, aren't I?

I think we should go across.

Oh, Marley wouldn't like it.

Marley doesn't have to know.

[Sue] What did she want?

Tell you later.

So are we gonna go out tonight?

Sure, I know it!

Sue?

I'm up for it.

Lulu?

Why not?

Stacey?

Got some things to do at home first, but yeah.

[Jill] Yes!

No problem, Sue, do you need to pop home too?

I need to pop home too.

So we should meet back here, what?

Nine o'clock?

9:30?

Even better!

Fantastic.

See you later.

[speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

See, you say the right thing at the right time,

it's like we're not even dead.

Am I just plain old Auntie Marley?

My husband and lover are looking at other women,

my niece says I'm not sexy, I'm still sexy.

I said, I'm still sexy.

Still what?

Sexy.

Who is?

Me, oh God, how hard can this be?

Can someone say something nice to me?

Cow.

Where do you think you're going?

I'm meeting my mates.

What, dressed like that?

We're going on to Karma's, it's party night.

You look smashing.

Yeah, you're not going out.

You can't stop me.

Do you know what?

Tonight I am responsible for you

so you will do what I say when I say it.

No I won't.

I can be pretty terrifying.

She can't.

Yeah I, I'm quite strict.

She's not.

Can you shut up, Vicar?

What?

Nothing.

Yeah, yeah, I'm dull old Auntie Marley,

well, you're not wearing that or that.

And that, well I don't even know what that,

I mean, how can anybody wear that?

You've got to be in shape.

I'm in shape.

No, you have a shape.

And if that's the shape you're happy with then, I mean,

I know you're at difficult age now.

I'm not at a difficult age!

I'm perfectly placed somewhere in the middle.

Bloody cheek!

Difficult age!

[Mia] You cow!

♪ I want a good love ♪

♪ 'Cause baby I'm stronger ♪

♪ And I'm drawing the line ♪

No, she isn't!

♪ That I'm better off ♪

♪ Without your big talk ♪

♪ And your fast car ♪

♪ You won't get so far ♪

♪ 'Cause you made me ♪

Yes she is.

[doorbell rings]

Oh I've just seen.

Hang on, someone at the door.

Is it?

Oh, Marley.

Hi Jill.

Marley, I've.

[Marley] Have you asked the girls if I can join your?

No, I haven't had a chance.

I just wanted to tell you.

She's just seen Mia climbing out the bedroom window.

I've just seen.

Mia climbing out the bedroom window.

Excuse me.

Mia!

She's gone.

What was the name of that club?

Wow, never been to a club before.

How do I look?

No one can see you, Vicar.

Yes, no, that's probably a good thing.

[crowd talking faintly]

Sorry, where are you going?

Oh, I need to get inside.

No, no, no I don't think so.

Oh no, you, I've got a niece in there

so I just need to pop in, get her, and pop back out.

No, I don't think so.

Yeah, okay, so I'm a magistrate, yeah?

The law, and I demand to be allowed in.

Ah, well why didn't you say you was

a representative of the law?

I mean here at Karmas we welcome

a constant legal presence at all times.

Ah, what are you, an idiot?

Sod off.

[crowd muttering faintly]

♪ I never ever felt so good ♪

♪ I never felt so good ♪

♪ I never felt so good ♪

♪ I never felt so good ♪

♪ And I never felt so good ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

♪ I've been breaking all ♪

♪ Of my own traditions ♪

♪ And I've been through ♪

I'll pay.

It's 20 to 30s only.

Well my niece is 16, she got in.

Well she obviously looks old enough, you don't.

What really?

Oh no you don't mean that in a good way, do you?

Look, I've gotta get in so I can get her out.

♪ I've never felt so good ♪

♪ That I've never felt so good ♪

♪ That I've never felt so good ♪

♪ That I never felt so good ♪

♪ I never felt so good ♪

[screaming]

Are you 30?

Could be.

No, you couldn't.

I could be 30.

31.

32.

33.

34, oh come on, stop me.

Not yet.

♪ Na na na na na na na oh ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na oh ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na oh oh ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Give it to me now ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na oh ♪

♪ Na na ♪

Little shitty shit shit.

[bouncer sighs]

Are you coming in, or what?

It is brilliant.

[Marley] Is Mia inside?

Who?

The reason we're here!

Don't know.

Got involved in some, some dancing.

I think it was dancing, whatever it was it was fun.

Are you gonna come in and see if you can find Mia?

Yeah, well, I can't get in, it's 20 to 30s only.

Oh.

In the right light I could be 30, yeah?

31?

32?

30, oh I'm not playing this.

[Vicar] Playing what?

The game I always lose.

We should probably go and find Mia.

Yeah but how can I?

I don't look young enough.

You know what you need to do?

What?

Oh no, no I can't.

Oh go on, you know you want to.

No I couldn't, could I, could I?

Could I do that?

Only one way to find out.

Come on.

[upbeat music]

Oh.

Let's get you jazzled up.

[upbeat music]

You're gonna need kissy lips.

And rosy cheeks, they all have rosy cheeks.

Yeah big lashes, everything, everything was big.

I don't think your hair can be big enough.

Right, let's get those toes twinkling.

Oh I wish I could join in.

Right, let's get back to that dancing.

[upbeat music]

[Michael] It's time to party.

[all laugh and scream]

[Sue] Let's go wild.

[all scream]

[Jill] Come on, love!

[All] Whoo!

We should try that new bar on the High Street.

Oh good idea.

Oh they don't do dancing.

Oh no.

Tafler's do dancing.

What about Tafler's?

Tafler's.

I'm happy with that.

Sure.

Great idea.

Thank you, Jill.

This is brilliant.

I know!

Let's go berserk.

[all scream]

[upbeat techno music]

Exciting, isn't it?

We're not here for excitement, we're here to find Mia.

Oh there's my girls.

Marley, Marley.

Yeah.

I'm being checked out.

What?

Being checked out, that lad over there's.

Oh no he can't see me, can he.

[gasps]

He's checking you out, he's checking you out.

Look we're not here to be.

Which one?

We should find Mia.

What?

Mia?

Oh yeah, let's split up.

Yes.

[upbeat techno music]

Oh.

[laughs]

Hi.

Dylan.

I wasn't sure if this top went with this skirt

so I was gonna wear this, what do you think?

Try it on.

I think you should.

Oh, I like this one.

♪ How I feel about this ♪

Adam, Stacey's taking her top off.

[Adam] So?

She doesn't know we're here, it's not really cricket.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I don't think I should look.

Then don't, I'm happy to look for both of us.

No I don't think either of us should look.

Not, not when they're undressing.

Earlier you watched Jill when she changed her skirt.

I did not.

I saw you sneak a peek.

I did not sneak a.

You're looking at Stacey now.

I'm fine, yeah I'm looking at her now,

but that's, that's only because I'm talking about her,

I'm now turning away.

Jesus.

Sorry.

[Adam] She can't hear you or see you.

Have you told that bloody Marley yet?

Mm, not yet.

What, told her what?

[Adam] You're trying to sneak a peek.

I'm not, I'm just trying.

I'm just trying to find out

what their problem with Marley is.

While sneaking a peek.

I'm not.

Fine, I'm sneaking a peek.

Disgusting.

You're gonna have to tell her sometime.

What, tell Marley what?

Look, Dylan, there's a lot of pretty girls here.

No, there is only one pretty girl here.

Well that's very sweet and you're very charming.

Oh I'm gonna have to go.

[laughs]

I've gotta find someone, but thanks.

♪ Coming home ♪

You're supposed to be looking for Mia.

Yes yeah I am, I'm looking, I'm looking.

One drink.

Look, I don't think you realize how old I am.

I get it right and I get a kiss.

You get it right, you get a slap.

You're 28.

Oh come on.

[Dylan] 27?

Just stop.

26, 25.

You gonna stop me?

No.

♪ Feels like coming home ♪

You're not going to stop me?

I don't think I can.

♪ Feel the moment rising ♪

[gasps]

What the?

It's just so wrong.

Yeah, but it feels so right.

[gasps]

Bloody hell.

I'm not slapping you, I'm slapping me.

Well I am slapping you

'cause you're the one that gets hurt.

Marley.

[Marley] Yes.

Mia.

Oh, I'm gonna have to go.

Sorry, Vicar, c'mon.

Might just stay for a bit.

♪ Coming home ♪

♪ Coming home ♪

Hello young lady.

We're in a club, please don't young lady me!

♪ Feels like coming home ♪

Right, out.

Oh I've just seen Marley come home.

Go and tell her now.

She's not gonna be happy about it.

This too much?

[Stacey] Mm-mm.

If you got it flaunt it.

Think that's fair, Michael?

Do you think we should tell Marley?

You could get away with another button.

You think?

Why not?

If we don't tell her now she's just gonna keep on asking.

Well, I'll tell her in my own good time,

I'll tell her tomorrow.

If they're not gonna tell her, we should.

Otherwise she'll just make a fool of herself.

Fine.

Yeah and I want my stuff washed before you give it back

and by the way, you looked ridiculous.

[phone rings]

Thank you.

Hi Abby.

Yeah, yeah, she's fine.

Oh, you know, quiet night in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right she's here.

Hang on.

It's your mum.

Oh really?

What?

Are you behaving yourself?

Because if not you're gonna get it in the neck.

[Mia] Yeah, yeah.

Now I know that Auntie Marley is as boring

as a plank of wood and doesn't know anything about children,

let alone teenagers, but just give her a break and be nice.

And that means no swearing,

and no texting, and no sexting.

And no going down that silly club.

Just stay in and do your homework like a normal teenager.

Yeah, yeah, just a quiet night in.

Promise me, no going out.

Now, Auntie Marley looking after you?

Yes, I've said mother, I'm fine, Auntie Marley's great.

Not.

[sighs]

Can we have a word?

About what?

Well, we were just hanging out opposite,

you know giving you some space,

some quality time with your niece, and.

And we, we, we, we happened to hear.

What, what did you hear, what's the problem?

Well, well you know how you always think

everyone likes you?

Yeah.

[Adam] Well.

They don't.

[siren blaring]

Bit awkward.

I know you're new in the area

and you wanna make new friends

but all this joining in with the girls bit.

You're a magistrate.

The law.

It's like going out with a policeman.

I mean sometimes, you know, we're out, we meet younger men.

[phone alerts]

Ooh, taxi.

You tell her, Sue.

Marley's gonna lose it.

We can behave badly.

We drink too much,

we've been known to vomit,

we can be disorderly.

Well I can behave badly, I can be disorderly.

So can my sister.

I'd like to meet her.

You did, you gave her three months for being disorderly.

You don't remember?

No, but in my defense I put away a lot of people

and I don't often remember.

Not helping myself, am I?

Look, the thing is.

Jill's just seen Mia running down the street.

I've just seen.

Mia running down the street, excuse me.

How does she do that?

Maybe we should've left it 'til the morning.

Ah well, what's done is done.

Tafler's!

[upbeat techno music]

Mia's come back.

What?

Have you seen her?

Oh, I like it!

We should do this more often, shouldn't we?

Just get out, meet people.

Have you seen Mia?

No.

[sighs]

Hi again.

Oh, you've changed.

Wow.

What this, oh really, wow?

Look, sorry about the slapping.

Shall we go and sit down?

[upbeat techno music]

And there are some people that think I'm not fun but,

you know, I'm fun.

You're a magistrate?

That's really sexy.

Oh it is not, it's not sexy, is it, is it sexy?

Really sexy.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself!

If we had sex.

We're not going to have sex.

Which is a good thing,

it'd probably be the worst sex in the world.

What?

On the other hand.

On the other hand?

Auntie Marley?

Mia, I'm just about to find out what's on the other hand.

Thank God you're here.

[Marley] What?

You have to help me.

Oh why?

Oh God, I promised your mum I'd look after you,

no boys, no clubs.

What's she gonna say?

Well I don't know, why don't you ask her.

[people laughing]

Everyone's laughing at her, we have to get her out.

[laughter]

[Marley] Oh God.

[upbeat music]

[Jill] Yep if you're gonna grab the bouncer's nuts

we're gonna get kicked out.

[Stacey] Grab his nuts!

[All] Grab his nuts!

Grab his nuts!

Grab his nuts!

Sh, what's that?

What?

Listen.

Oh, drink?

No thanks, Stacey?

Thanks.

Getting kicked out of a club,

all night jacuzzi, brilliant!

There's an echo in here.

A what?

An echo.

We're bad girls.

Stacey's hot!

[women laugh]

I grabbed the bouncer's nuts.

[laughs]

This is the best night of my life.

We're ghosts, we're dead, we don't get an echo.

Let's do naked jacuzzi.

[cheers]

Well, it has its advantages.

[women laugh]

[Abby] I didn't want Mia to see me in here.

Right, so let's dump Mia

on old Auntie Marley for the night then.

I'm allowed a life.

I haven't had much of one since your dad left me

and you're the one who said

that this is where the boys were.

So I just thought I'd come and find one,

anyone, sexy and flirt and feel alive again.

Excited.

To see if I've still got it.

And have you?

No.

No one wanted to talk to me, or dance with me, or kiss me.

What the bloody hell are you wearing?

Well at least I haven't got emojis on my bosoms.

That's Mia's school skirt.

Yeah, I mean I had to get into the club.

You've taken it up.

Thanks, Auntie Marley.

Oh, you're not wearing that.

Well, Robert Collins did say

she had the best legs in class.

Yes, well, until she's got the best grades.

She has, she has got the best grades.

Really?

Yeah.

And do you know what, you were right,

this was too long and you've so got the legs for it.

So have you.

Oh don't be, I have, haven't I?

No, no.

We've just got to come to terms with it, both of us.

We're old, just finished.

Life from now on is just gonna be dull, dull.

No one interesting is ever gonna find us interesting

and we're wrinkled and past it.

This is the best night ever!

Vicar?

Oh, Dylan.

Do you fancy coming back to my place?

Oh, Dylan, look, you're very sweet and

quite persistent but it's not gonna happen.

Mum's out, got the place to ourselves.

Oh that's quite a chat up line.

I don't think so.

She won't be home for ages,

alright, she's out with her girlfriends,

when they get together it's always crazy.

Dylan, where do you live?

[women laughing]

Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.

Sh, sh.

[women laughing]

There's more where this came from.

[women laughing]

Best night of my life.

Let's get some music on.

Sh what's that?

What's what?

It's all very strange.

The music's already on.

That's not dance music.

That sounds like make out music.

[Sue] Dylan!

Oh, hi Sue.

Marley?

Mum.

I hope you've got a bloody good reason

for being on the sofa with my son.

Adam?

You don't even know his name.

What sort of woman are you?

Michael?

It's Dylan.

Well, you said you wanted disorderly behavior.

So?

Doesn't get much worse than getting caught

with your neighbor's son.

I can't believe you'd.

Too far?

A little bit.

Well, next time can you be clearer?

Oh my God, some people.

You want me to behave badly, I behave badly,

then you say I'm badly behaved, there's no pleasing you.

Nice to meet you, Dylan.

[sexy music]

Bouncer said we was out of order.

He was out of order so we gave him a slap.

[Marley] Vicar, you do know you didn't have

to spend the night in the cell with them.

Can't do the crime don't do the time.

Your honor.

[Marley] But you didn't do anything, you're dead.

Yeah, I give it plenty.

[Marley] Give it what?

It's, it's street talk, you won't understand,

you know, it's like

de gouda

taste, prap.

Who are you?

What have you done with my Vicar?

[upbeat music]