Original subtitles

[MUSIC - MAURA MATLAK, "GIRL IN RED"]

(SINGING) Another Sunday morning,

look where I am, waking up with you like it's my religion.

I don't truly trust you, but you run a good scam,

and I'm walking into danger like a New York pigeon.

You never know from looking--

This is a beautiful dress.

It looked beautiful on her.

What's the occasion?

Her husband died.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

Mackenzie's grandmother is dying.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

Thank you.

Which do you think is worse, having someone die in a freak

accident, like being thrown through a faultily-installed

windshield, or watching them slowly suffer and drift away?

Excuse me?

I think they're just different.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have a better day.

So, are you going to go see your grandmother

before it's too late?

No, I don't think so.

Not enough money?

Nope.

Do you want to talk about it?

Nope.

OK.

Because when my first exotic bird died--

Nope.

[CRYING]

What are you doing?

I'm trying to take a picture and I

have to have it in by the end of the day.

Be careful.

I know two guys who were raped on E-Harmony dates.

What?

Yeah.

I didn't know guys could get raped either, but they can.

And I've been working on my sexual communication

just in case.

Is this OK?

Are you doing OK?

Cassidy, I'm not trying to join E-Harmony.

I just have to get a picture into this playwright grant

thing.

They do this website with these embarrassing pictures

in the bios and--

Whoa.

Yeah.

Impressive.

Right?

Hey, will you take a picture of me?

No, I am not a professional photographer.

No, it doesn't have to be professional, Cass.

Look, honestly, it's--

No!

This is not a joke like my bone marrow donations,

this is serious.

I mean, isn't this important to you?

Don't you want to show them it's important to you

by having quality professional photos?

OK.

Yeah, no, you're right.

What do you suggest?

Well, I know this guy.

We hooked up at a Bar Mitzvah forever ago and now

he takes pictures of celebrities.

And he's not going to mind coming in here

and taking pictures of me?

No.

I let him finger me, he totally owes me.

OK.

Yeah, and I wasn't moist, so it was really painful.

Oh, perfect!

He'll be here after we close.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You see, I really just need the perfect dress,

because I showed up to prom last year wearing

the same dress at Matty Cain and it was ridiculous.

OK, OK bye.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, no, no.

We open at 11:00, we'll see you then.

Bye.

But what about--

Thank you, bye.

Oh my god.

I can't.

She was the worst.

I can't.

Hi.

Photographer?

Cassidy, is he homeless?

No he's from Brooklyn.

Oh.

Hi.

It's nice to meet you.

Thank you for coming.

Do you want to just get started?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa.

You're not taking pictures like This Oh my god.

Lance, give us a minute.

Can I smoke in here?

OK, now first off, smize.

Secondly, broken doll.

Broken doll.

Broken doll.

I mean, Tyra might have stolen from my uncle's Christmas party

two years in a row, but that bitch knows her stuff.

OK, are you ready?

Oh.

OK, well you don't think I gay?

OK, but seriously, on a scale of one to Ellen Degeneres,

I look--

do I look like Ellen Degeneres?

Who?

What.

OK fine, you got me.

But everybody has a thing and your look

was just too ambiguous.

I mean, people might have thought you were straight.

I am straight.

Whatever you say.

No I am, I'm straight.

You have to play up your strengths.

Gay wins pity votes, think about Anne Frank.

Anne Frank wasn't gay.

Exactly.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, I thought about that, but I thought

you'd be more comfortable going gay than evangelical.

[PHONE RINGS]

Shit, what time is it?

Shit, my grandmother and I are supposed to Facetime.

Oh, pick up, pick up, pick up, she might die.

Hi Grandma, how are you?

Hi.

You look so good, how are you feeling?

I'm doing OK.

I have some good days and bad days.

Oh that's good.

Hey, is mom there?

Hi, Mom.

You look--

Hi, Grandmother Barker.

[INAUDIBLE]

Oh, that's not a big deal.

Cassidy, stop.

Sorry Grandma.

What, I just want to say hello.

No, I understand.

I think I should get to meet her.

No, no, no.

Who is that, baby?

Who is that?

It's Cassidy, Grandma.

I work with her.

Say hi, Cassidy.

Hello.

Well hi, how are you?

I am so good.

She live with you?

No, she doesn't live with me, we just work together.

We're not even really friends.

OK Grandma, I'm going to let you go, OK?

All right, I want you to get some rest.

OK.

OK, I love you.

I love you too.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye.

She looks so gay.

Do you think she's gay?

I really don't like that.

How do I turn this off?

[MUSIC - MAURA MATLAK, "PARACHUTE"]

(SINGING) You sent me a letter, it's--

Cool if I vape in here?

It's cool if I vape in here.

[MUSIC - MAURA MATLAK, "PARACHUTE"]

(SINGING) I followed your breadcrumbs to the tippity-top.

And I waited and I waited and I didn't stop.

And I waited and I waited and I waited

and I waited, when all of a sudden, my balloon popped.

So I banged on your door and I shouted your name and I hoped

for the best when it started to rain.