Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

(CRASH)

-(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY) -(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

-(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY) -(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(CRASH)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

ALL: Hey, Koi!

Okay, pull up your pillow. This sleepover is just getting warmed up.

We are playing...

Uncomfortably Personal Questions The Board Game!

It's so much fun!

(GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT)

(LAUGHING) That sounds like a girly fun time!

-Just what we girls like. -Ooh!

Oscar, Milo, we know that's you. Get out!

(BOTH GIGGLE)

Okay, girls, the first question is,

"What is the craziest thing you have ever done?"

-Oh! -Eh-oh!

Ooh!

Esmargot, you go first.

Okay. This one time, I told Albert I'd straighten his tie for him

just so I could graze his manly chest.

-You're so crazy! -You are.

-Okay, next up is Clamantha. -I learned to juggle hammers.

(LAUGHS) That is crazy! And you should probably go see a doctor.

-I'll be okay! -Okay, Finberley. It's your turn!

Oh! Okay! Once I mixed my hot cocoa with hot chocolate!

(GIGGLES) It's different things, you guys! I'm so crazy!

You are, girl! Okay. Up next is, um... oh.

Hey, we can just skip you for now, Koi.

(GRUNTS)

Well, it's nothing bad.

You just don't really ever do anything all that crazy.

It's true, Koi. You're pretty vanilla.

Uh, like a big bowl of vanilla oatmeal! Gooey and sweet, just how we like you.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Whoa, girl, any story that starts with "One time my mother and I..."

-will not be crazy. -She has a point, Koi.

(GRUNTS DEJECTEDLY)

But don't worry, I will find you another question to answer

because it's okay that you can't answer our question.

You've just never done anything all that crazy.

(GRUNTS RAPIDLY)

-(ALL GASP) -SHELLSEA: Whoa.

No way. I don't know anyone who would do that, Koi.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

It's true? You're not just saying this

so we'll think you're cooler than we think you are?

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

-She can't be lying. Koi never lies. -That's true.

Girl, you are cray-zah.

-Yeah, crazy bad. -More like rebel bad.

Wowsers bad.

-(GRUNTS) -Hero bad.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

I can't believe someone I know could be so brave.

(GRUNTS)

Tell us, how'd you pull off that last part?

-(GRUNTS) -NORMAN: Hey, kiddos!

-Who wants some macaroons? -SHELLSEA: I want macaroons.

-ESMARGOT: Yeah! -There's enough for all of you.

(GRUNTS)

Hey!

Koi, what's going on?

Hey, can you get us some of those macaroons?

(GRUNTS)

Wait a second, Koi. Is everything okay?

-Dude, she's getting us mackies! -Dude, I know.

But I don't want them to be soggy from giant Koi tears.

Fair enough. So, what's the matter, honey child?

(DOWNBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Y... you're sad because you lied?

(GRUNTS)

Pfft! I lie all the time. I even lied just before we came here.

It's true. He did.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Ain't nothin' wrong with a little lying.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Yeah. You're feeling all better now, right?

Now, how about some of those macaroons.

(SCHOOL BELLS RINGS)

-You hear about Koi? -BOY 1: Here she comes.

-BOY 2: She's coming. -BOY 3: Quiet. Here she comes.

It's her. It's her.

BOY 4: Isn't she cool? So cool.

Hey, Koi! Did you hear that? I said hi to her!

That is almost as impressive as the woman herself!

-SHELLSEA: (SLOW CLAPPING) -(GRUNTS)

Congratulations, Koi. You're officially gossip.

(GRUNTS)

We told everyone what you did.

(GRUNTS ALARMEDLY

ALL: Koi is awesome! Koi is awesome!

-Yeah, you're welcome. -I confirmed your story with Cody.

-He says he was there. -(GRUNTS)

The whole school knows now.

You have raised our entire group's cool points

-to, like, ten. -Oh, hey, you're Koi, right?

Cool.

According to all the books I've read, the common male seahorse

will be pregnant for two to four weeks.

And so for today's pop quiz, answer this.

What kind of monster is growing inside of me?

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

No need to answer, Koi. This looks like an A-plus to me.

(GRUNTS)

Let's just say a little bird told me what you did.

Literally, my TA, Evan. Evan told me.

(SQUAWKS)

We want in. Next time you find yourself gearing up,

give us a call first. We need a little spice in our lives.

(GRUNTS)

Man, with your new bad Koi reputation, you pretty much rule the school.

(GRUNTS)

You think I'm quiet But inside there's a storm

Raging like an inferno

On the outside I may seem lukewarm

But oh how I burn, oh

I'm hot, I'm bad I'm better than before

No one can tell me what to do no more

I'm hot! (She's hot!) I'm fierce! (She's fierce!)

I finally am free

And I'm the best fish at being me

Well, I hate to disappoint ya

But I'm not at all vanilla

I'm hot! (She's hot!) I'm fierce! (She's fierce!)

I finally am free

And I'm the best fish at being me

JUMBO: Oh, man! Ah!

Watching the boys play lacrosse is my favorite time of day.

Yeah, Steve, flex those pecs.

Woo!

Hey! This is where I sit every day to watch my man.

(LAUGHS CRUELLY)

So, get your scaly butts out of my seat!

We don't have to do what you say, Piranhica.

We have Koi.

I think you may have heard of her and the things she is capable of.

Yes, I have, and I'm not impressed. I've done all that 12 times over.

Well, Koi can do it better.

-(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY) -I'd like to see that.

I'm betting you're nothing but talk! A big talking liar!

(GULPS)

Koi is not lying. You're not lying, Koi, right?

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Well, then I'm sure you'll have no problem showing us

how tough you really are. I want to see you jump the shark tank!

(ROARS)

People, I like... I like to be jumped. So, it's not a problem.

I... I'm pretty small and I'm kinda flat. I'm, like, very jumpable.

What I'm trying to say is I'm very jumpable.

Yeah. That shark's pretty lame. Koi can do better.

She should jump something real dangerous. Like the cat.

Right, Koi?

(GRUNTS)

-We'll see you there after the last bell. -Deal! (CHUCKLES)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(BOTH SNORING)

Hey, Koi, can you shut that door? We're taking our fifth-period nap.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Whoa, Koi, slow down.

-Of course we'll help you! -What got you into this mess?

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GASPS) You fibber!

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

I would never say that!

Oh!

That time I told you it was okay to lie.

Oh, I get it. See, when you said "lied," I thought you meant, you know,

-lie down, like a nap. -Classic mistake.

-Milo is not cool with fibbing! -Na-uh-uh.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

You could tell the truth.

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Well, then, you gotta put your money where your mouth is and do it!

Koi, you can't do it. This is crazy!

I see absolutely no reason why this is better than telling the truth.

Should we get any closer, girls?

No, girl. I can see the cat just fine from over here.

She's ready, Mr. Baldwin!

Great! Thanks again for including us, Koi! All right, Evan.

Hi-yah!

Let's do this!

(SQUAWKS)

(GRUNTS RAPIDLY)

-(GASPS) She confessed! -Oh, my goodness, she confessed!

-What? You lied? -I can't believe you lied.

(GRUNTS RAPIDLY)

Too late, honey. You're going down.

(CAT YOWLS)

ALL: Wow!

-Hot dog! She did it! -What?

(LAUGHS)

Careful, Evan. Evan!

(CRASH)

Ooh!

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

Aw, we accept your apology, Koi.

Just remember, next time you don't have to lie to impress us.

Just think of the crazy story you can tell now.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GRUNTS INDISTINCTLY)

(ALL LAUGH)

Sweet.

And I'm the best fish at being me

(BLEATS)

(SCREAMS)

(APPLAUSE)

Yeah! Go, Vira!

Girl, you may have snow on your roof, but there's a fire in your furnace!

(LAUGHS)

Oh, Milo, you're so sweet, you're gonna give me a sugar rush.

Gee, Milo, you sure are a big fan of the Grandma Games.

Of course, bro! I'm here to support all my friends that I play bingo with

every Friday night at the retirement home.

Hey! Way to go, Finberley's grandma!

You're gonna do great at these Grandma Games!

Grandma Games?

I thought this was the line for the early bird special.

(GULPS)

(STOMACH RUMBLES) Aw, who's gonna feed me now?

Gah!

(LAUGHS)

Finberley's grandma, you so crazy! See what I mean?

Hanging out with old people is the best!

And the Grandma Games is a celebration of old people doing awesome things...

(CHUCKLING) and hurting themselves.

Okay, competitors, the games are about to begin.

Bea, what are you doing here?

Well, if you must know,

I was hand-selected for my wit, charm, and beauty

to be the host of this gala event.

Oh, dear, wherever will we find the host for our gala event?

Pick me! Pick me!

Oh, my, the palm tree, it's talking to me again.

Pick me.

Guys, this is huge.

My first kind of paying gig. Who knows what this could lead to.

So, today, I'm gonna make sure this performance is gonna knock 'em dead!

(GASP)

I mean I'm going to do a good job. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(APPLAUSE)

Old ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Grandma Games!

It's about to get all grandma up in here!

Woo-hoo! Go, Bea!

The first event is a real bunion-buster. The one-and-a-half meter dash.

Ready, set, go!

Ha! I win! I'm Randy Pincherson!

There's something strange about that old lady. Hm.

Randy Pincherson!

Yeah, she's got a little extra spring in her step.

Randy, Randy, Randy! I'm a teenage crab!

Something's going on here.

-Let's go investigate. -Yeah, let's go investigate.

Well, good luck with that, my friends.

I tried sneaking on the field and they kicked me off.

Apparently, only grandmothers can go out there.

Only grandmothers!

And on an unrelated note, would one of you please burp me?

-(LULLABY PLAYING) -(BURPS)

Only grandmas are allowed on the field, huh?

-Woo-hoo! We're the grandmas! -We're the grandmas! We're the grandmas!

Well, looks like someone's been taking their vitamins.

Oh. Hey, Milo. Hey, Oscar. I know it's you.

Dude, how did she know? My makeup is flawless.

Wait a minute.

Beady eyes, slicked-back shell. (SNIFFS)

Smells like corn chips!

(GASPS)

BOTH: Randy Pincherson!

Hey, gi... gimme that back!

Randy, how could you do that?

How could you come out here and beat these fine, little old ladies?

How could you live with yourself? How?

How?

How?

I just like beating old ladies at sports. Why? Because I can.

I'm Randy Pincherson! (LAUGHS)

Everybody!

Look, he's not a real grandma! He's just a teenager. Ha!

-What's going on? -What? I can't see nothing.

Ha! Looks like no one will ever find out the truth.

Randy, I cannot let you do this.

These little, old ladies work so hard their whole lives to be old!

Just so they can compete in these games.

And I will not let you take that away from them.

So, I'm going to enter this contest and so is Oscar!

-What? -To, you know, fight the fake grandma,

so that... that I can, you know, the real grandmas can...

You... you just wait and see what happens, mister!

(INTENSE TRAINING MUSIC PLAYS)

Step up to the plate Hike those short pants high

You're shooting for the stars So better reach for the sky

You might think it crazy Or a little bit dumb

But when the going gets tough You gotta get awesome

You're a champ You're the best

No one really cares How well you are dressed

You're an ace You're a pro

You'd never pass for an average Joe

You're the champ, you're the best

No one cares if your pants are pressed

All right, folks, it's time for the semifinals.

Which of these golden grannies will win the Grandma Games?

Not you, Randy!

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(GASP)

-BEA: An amazing performance. -Mwah.

And now Granny Hearswell will make her run.

Young lady, could you please shut the window?

It's quite drafty in here.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

She's off! And she's going, going...

and she's out of here?

-Granny Featherbottom wins by default! -Yay, default! Woo-hoo!

Now moving on to the next event.

It's Granny Oscarina versus Grandy Pincherbottom

in the most dangerous of these events. Catfish stacking!

All right, Oscar, you just gotta beat Randy

and then he's out of this competition for good.

(GIGGLES)

Eh-oh.

Huh?

(GASP)

(LAUGHS)

Oh, wow, it didn't fall over. I'm a lucky boy!

Huh?

(SNIFFS)

Hey, what's the big idea?

(SNEEZES)

(SCREAMS)

(CACKLES)

Oscar! Hang on. I'll get you out!

Bro, bro! Can you hear me?

Oh! What has Randy done to you?

(GROANS)

-Shh. Just tell me what you want me to do. -(GROANS)

-You want me to beat Randy for you? -(GROANS)

You want me to avenge all the old ladies I had to trample on

just to get here to stop him?

(GROANS)

You want me to eat the last cupcake in the fridge?

No, dude, that's my cupcake!

-Randy! -Huh?

Look at my serious face. You may have beaten up all the old ladies,

but now you killed my brother dressed as an old lady.

-I'm not dead. -And that has gone too far.

Meh, I'll tell you what's going too far. That ugly brooch you're wearing.

But I thought... I thought... I thought this was pretty.

Why you gotta be so hurtful, Randy?

(APPLAUSE)

All right, ladies and gents, it's the final event.

The Granny Scooter Drag Race-o-rama!

(REVVING)

-You're going down. -Nuh-uh. You're going down.

Nuh-uh. You're going down.

BOTH: You're going down!

Jinx! I'm Randy Pincherson.

And go, go, go, go, go!

(OLD-FASHIONED MUSIC PLAYING)

-Holy smokes, look at 'em go. -Slow down, you crazies.

Grr.

The gravel! It stings!

(GASPS)

Oh, no, you don't!

(RANDY LAUGHS)

(RANDY LAUGHS)

-What are you doing? -You don't deserve this, Randy!

This is for all those old ladies and for my dead brother!

For the last time, I'm not dead. (SIGHS)

Am I seeing things or are those old ladies actually two teenage boys in disguise?

-Yeah! -Yeah!

That's it!

And also, why is there a purple rabbit on my lap?

ALL: Huh?

Oh, this is so exciting!

One of them is about to cross the finish line.

What's this? A thrilling development!

It seems another competitor is joining the race.

It's Granny Hearswell! How unexpected!

And she's over the line!

Granny Hearswell is the new World's Greatest Grandma!

You really came out of nowhere for the big finish.

-How does it feel? -What's all this now?

-Ha! Randy, you didn't win after all! -Aw.

MILO: I tell you, Granny Hearswell,

I sure am glad you won the Greatest Grandma title after all.

But you know what? Next year, you better watch out

'cause I'm giving you a run for your money. (LAUGHS)

Come get some!

(ALL LAUGH)

Bingo!

-Enough, Randy! -I'm Randy Pincherson!

-MOUSE: Go, go, go, go! -SNAKE: Go, go, go, go!

Come on, number one!

-Mama needs a new pair of shoes! -You can do it, number two!

-MOUSE: Go, baby, go! -SNAKE: Go, go, go, go!

-Go, go, go! Come on! -Come on!

-Go, go, go! -Come on, go, go, go!

-Go, go, come on! -Almost there! You can do it!

-Go, go! -You can do it!

-Go, go, go, go! -You can do it!

-Go, number two! -You're almost there.

Go, go, go! Oh, no!

(SQUELCHING AND CRUNCHING)

We'll call that a tie.