Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

-(SONG BEGINS) -One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(SONG ENDS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(HUMMING)

(GASPS)

(PENCIL SCRATCHING)

(GROWLS) No.

Uh, Mr. Baldwin,

are you going to teach us anything today?

What? Oh, uh, uh,

today's chapter is on fish ancient Greece.

Anyone know anything about that?

Oh, oh! Fish ancient Greece was when a bunch of dudes wore togas

to show off their swag.

-Uh-huh. -And they lived like a million years ago.

And Baldwin hung out with them 'cause he's so old. Ha!

-Yeah, that's great. -(BELL RINGS)

Oh, uh, class dismissed.

(LAUGHTER)

Shellsea. Shellsea!

So... did Mr. Baldwin seem a little, like, off today?

Yeah. He didn't even notice when Milo ordered takeout.

Oh, I forgot.

I left my dumpling back in class.

I'll catch up with you twos later.

-(BALDWIN CLEARS THROAT) -(SQUEAKS)

So, uh...

Hi there.

I was wondering if you'd like to get some food sometime.

Oh, to eat. Because I...

I've noticed you like to eat a lot because I've been...

watching you.

(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)

-Oh, what am I doing? -Mr. Baldwin!

(YELLS) Get out of here!

(GASPS) Did you just ask out Ms. Bonesey?

What? No! I didn't ask out Ms. Bonesey.

Well, you were asking somebody out.

(GASPS) Is there a ghost in here?

I wasn't asking anybody out, Milo.

I was practicing...

asking... somebody... out.

Oooh!

So, who's the lucky lady?

None of your business!

You can tell me.

-No. -Baldwin!

Look, I'll tell you but it's a secret.

You can't tell anyone.

(MOANS)

(SIGHS) All right, come on.

There.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS) Oh, bats.

I guess I'll have to call the janitor.

Whoop!

Oh no!

Oh my gosh, you like Ms....

Hey, when you get married will you change your name to Mr. Ms. Lips?

What is wrong with you?

I just said this was a secret.

Dude, if you like her, why don't you just ask her out?

Because if I really did ask her out,

she'd more than likely almost certainly

reject me, but that hasn't happened yet.

So, I still have hope.

It's what gets me through the day.

And that's why you have to keep this a secret.

'Cause if she ever finds out, my life will be over.

Well... well, not really. But you know what I'm saying.

Don't worry, Mr. B.

Your secret is safe with me.

(EXASPERATED SIGH)

ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) And now back to Sometimes I'm a Werewolf

And Sometimes I'm Not.

MAN: (ON TV) Hey, who's been drinking out of the toilet bowl?!

-(HOWLING) -Hee!

It was the werewolf.

Hey, Milo. What's up?

Secret? (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) I don't know any secrets. No way, Jose.

-Oh, he's definitely hiding something. -You think?

Nyet, nada, nothing.

Oh, come on, Milo. What is it?

I said I don't know anything and I told Baldwin that I wouldn't tell.

(GASPS) You have dirt on Baldwin?

Milo, everyone knows best friends don't keep secrets from each other.

In fact, Mr. Baldwin probably told you whatever he told you

because he wanted me and Oscar to find out.

-I'm not sure that makes any sense. -(SINGSONG VOICE) Shut up, Oscar.

Baldwin has a mega crush on Ms. Lips!

-BOTH: Whoa! -Oh my gosh.

That is too adorable.

So, when is Baldwin going to tell her?

Never 'cause he doesn't want to get rejected.

What? Why would she reject him?

They're perfect for each other.

They're both single and old,

and they're both... old.

Well, if he's not gonna tell her, then we should tell her.

No! (SHOUTS)

(YELPS, GRUNTS)

Bea, you can't tell Ms. Lips anything.

It'll kill Baldwin!

Uh, I'm sorry, Bea, but I have to side with Milo on this.

If you like someone, you don't tell them.

You wait and hope that something just happens.

You just wait.

(DIAL TONE)

I... I gotta go.

This is love and you can't keep that secret.

I think there should be as many people in love as possible

getting together all the time always.

No-ooo!

-BEA: But I... -MILO: No-ooo!

I promised Mr. Baldwin I wouldn't tell anyone.

So, you can't tell anyone either!

Fine, I won't tell anyone.

Sheesh.

-Hmph. -SHELLSEA: Bea, are you watching this?

Koi's finally gonna talk to that boy she's been in love with forever.

(MUTTERS, SCREAMS)

Uh-oh.

(BOTH LAUGH)

All right! (GRUNTS)

Girl got the digits.

-Oh! Way to go, girl. -Oh, I could never do that.

FINBERLEY: Oh, I love it when people like each other

-and then they get together. -(GROWLS)

What's with the face?

Ugh, I just

know about this person who likes this other person

-but he won't tell her. -Names.

I promised I wouldn't tell.

It's so stupid.

-(DING) -But...

I never promised that if someone guessed, I couldn't tell them that they're right.

Is it that Evan likes me?

What? No.

Oh. Well, is it that Davey likes me?

-No. -Oh. Well, is it that Connor likes me?

Finberley, it's not about you!

(CRUNCHES, SWALLOWS)

Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint.

It's one of our teachers.

Mr. Baldwin likes Ms. Lips.

-How did you know? -They're both old.

-(EXCLAIMS) -Wow, this is big news.

I think the internet should know about this.

(BEEPS)

Holy guacamole!

Baldwin and Ms. Lips?

(SINGING) La, la, la, la, la

(SONG BEGINS)

-Did you hear? -What?

-About him? -No

-Hey, guess what? -Yeah?

-About her -Whoa

O.M.G.

Oh my, Bea

(SONG ENDS)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

-(MURMURING) -Man, everyone sure is whispery today.

Hmmm.

(ALL CHATTERING)

I hear he's been obsessed with her since 1986.

So, if they get married,

you think she'll change her name to Ms. Mr. Lips?

Bea!

Everyone knows about Baldwin's secret crush.

You told!

No.

I didn't "tell" anyone.

Maybe they all "figured it out"

using their "skills of observation."

But... but what if Ms. Lips finds out?

Then they'll live happily ever after. Oh darn.

Hello, class.

Welcome to "Your Self-Esteem and You".

Now, good self-esteem can be as simple as

giving yourself a compliment,

like "Hey, I look all right today,"

or "I don't think they're laughing at me."

Uh, Ms. Lips,

if you were giving Mr. Baldwin a compliment,

what would you say?

Well, I'd tell him he has a...

a giant nice forehead.

-(TITTERING) -She said she likes his forehead.

Oh well, aren't we a chatty bunch?

All right, next I wanna talk about...

Oh my.

-Ay! -(CLASS GIGGLING)

"Baldwin plus Lips."

Well, I never was good at math.

Whew!

Now, another way to have good self-esteem is just lie to yourself.

(DOOR OPENS)

Uh, uh, hi.

I just got a call saying you needed to borrow some chalk.

Gah!

Hey, Baldwin, next time why don't you try bringing the lady flowers?

(LAUGHTER)

(SCREECHES)

Milo, what the heck was going on back there?

I don't want to upset you, but…

pretty much everyone knows about your secret.

-What?! -I did the best I could.

Ohhh my goodness.

I can't believe this is happening.

No, no, it's okay.

Ms. Lips still doesn't realize you like her.

And you know how she's a little... ehhhh.

She... she never, you know, figures it out.

Milo, Bea is gonna tell Ms. Lips everything!

(SCREAMS)

I tried to stop her, but she said...

Ugh, this is not happening fast enough.

(GASPS) Ooh, I know.

I'll write an anonymous letter to Ms. Lips

explaining that Baldwin loves her and take it to her house.

You promised you wouldn't tell.

Well...

technically I'm not telling,

the letter is.

So... diddly-doo.

And then she smelled nice.

And then she left.

Oh my gosh, we have to stop Bea from getting to Ms. Lips' house.

Milo, how exactly does a pregnant male seahorse and his sidekick

chase down a healthy girl?

By bicycle!

Wait, Milo, just be careful.

(SCREAMS) Ow-ww!

Oh no! Whoa!

-(FINBERLEY GRUNTS) -(SPLASH)

(GROANS)

La, la-la...

MILO: Bea, Bea!

Stop right there, Bea!

Uh-oh.

Stop!

Oh, Ms. Lips' house!

Baldwin, take the wheel.

(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(GROANS) Milo!

Get off!

I am trying to make them happy.

No!

Enough!

Hello?

-Ms. Lips, I, uh... -Ahhh!

What's going on?

Uh, nothing.

It's nothing, uh, uh.

Ms. Lips, would you like to get coffee with me sometime?

No, thank you.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

No?

Well, it's just that coffee gives me the queasies.

But I do like Mexican food.

Oh. Oh yeah. Sure.

Let's get Mexican food sometime.

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

Well, goodbye.

She said yes.

I can't believe she said yes!

-(CHEERING) -Well, Bea, I hope you learned

that you can't just go around telling other people's secrets.

Are you kidding me? Look how happy he is.

If I've learned anything it's that I am right about everything

all the time.

Oh.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

Come on, birthday girl.

Oh my gosh, Mom and Dad,

what are you guys up to?

ALL: Surprise!

(GASPS) Oh gasp.

I had no idea.

We just want you to be happy on your special day.

Aw, you guys are the best.

Would you mind staying in your bedroom for the rest of the party?

Okay, dear. Wah, wah, wah.

Hey!

Birthdays make me hungry for ice cream and cake.

You did remember to get Bea a present this time, right?

Ugh. Well, if you think you're writing your name on my card this year,

you can forget it.

BEA: Hey, everyone, I'm opening presents.

This is from me.

(GASPS)

A life-size Brandon Bubbler stand-up?

Yeah, it's like he's in the room with us.

Happy Birthday.

BEA: Oh, a Brandon Bubbler t-shirt!

Oh, I love it.

Brandon Bubbler's The Cute album.

You don't have one already, do you?

I don't have it on (SINGSONG VOICE) vinyl!

Okay good, because if you did I'd cry.

-Thank you. -Bea, open mine next!

Milo, you got me a present?

Yep, yep, yep, and you're going to (SINGSONG VOICE) love it!

Okay... it's empty.

No, wait, the box isn't empty.

There's a promise in it that I am gonna get you

the greatest present of all time.

Something that no one else can get.

A lock of hair...

(WHISPERS) ...from Brandon Bubbler.

(ALL GASP)

Oh my gosh. That would be amazing.

Oh, but you don't have to do that.

I love this box.

Come on, Bea, I wanna make up for all the birthdays I've forgotten.

I'm getting you that hair

and you're coming with me, Oscar.

Wha... uh... okay.

Fellows, we would like to join you on your noble journey.

-For real? -Yeah, we wanna help.

That plus Bea's parents are weirding us out.

(SINGING) Happy, happy birthday

Happy birthday, Bea

We will be back before this party's over

with Brandon Bubbler's hair!

And you can count on it.

Okay, good luck.

-You know he's not gonna do it. -I know.

Oh, so, Milo,

I didn't wanna embarrass you back there,

but I don't see us pulling this off.

We don't even know where Brandon Bubbler is.

According to the internet,

Brandon was last spotted at this hotel.

See, here's a picture of him on the balcony with his shirt off.

He has nice arms.

So, if that's where Brandon is,

-that's probably where his hair is. -(POSH MUSIC PLAYS)

(PHONES RINGING)

I am the concierge

of this hotel and I run a very tight ship.

Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. (GRUNTS)

(SINGING) Gonna get me Brandon's hair

Watch out, Brandon's hair, I'm gonna get you

-Watch out, Brandon's hair. -Stop!

-Are you boys guests of this hotel? -No, we're not.

(SINGING) Gonna get some Brandon's hair

-Brandon's hair, c'mere c'mere c'mere... -Halt!

This hotel is for guests only.

You must leave immediately.

Listen, slim, we're only gonna be a minute.

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

I think it's safe to say that guy's a jerk.

How are we gonna find Brandon if we can't even get inside?

Ooh, ooh! Feast your eyes on this.

It's a magic ring I purchased from a wise old sage down at the mall.

He said it gives the wearer...

power of invisibility.

ALL THREE: Ooooh.

I'll use it to create a distraction while you three sneak past the guard.

Wait a minute!

Does this ring make your clothes invisible too?

Oh, uh, I don't know.

Better be safe than sorry.

Destiny awaits!

(LAUGHING)

Oooh, oooh, oooh!

(LAUGHS, GRUNTING)

He must wield the power to see through invisibility.

No, Jumbo, it didn't work.

We saw you the whole time.

(SADLY) Oh. But I want to believe.

(JABBERING)

(GASPS) I have a new plan.

(JABBERING WITH BRITISH ACCENTS)

We did it! Or should I say we "maid" it.

(LAUGHS) High five!

Uh, what floor are we going to?

Uh, maybe we should split up?

We'll check this floor. You guys check the next one.

Call us if you find Brandon.

As you wish.

Housekeeping!

(BABIES WAILING)

Oh sorry.

Wrong room.

What is it? I'm busy.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

(SCREAMS)

Then she wants to do some kissing.

I'm like, "Hey, I'm trying to watch a movie here!"

Women!

Hello?

Aw, hi there.

Is Brandon Bubbler in this room?

I don't think so.

Oh, girls, can you help me?

There's a problem with the plumbing in my room.

Of course we will!

We are gentlem-er!

Gentle maids.

She reminds me of my Nana.

So, what seems to be the...

(RETCHES)

I'll leave you to it.

(COUGHING)

Oh, what is that smell?

I don't know.

It's coming from over there.

(GAGS)

How could something so evil come out of such a sweet old woman?

(WHIMPERING)

Stay strong.

Okay.

Housekeeping!

-(DONKEY BRAYS) -Ugh, this isn't working.

We don't even really know if Brandon Bubbler's here.

He is here, I know it.

If I don't get Bea that hair,

she's gonna remember today as the worst birthday of her life.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

So, dance, dance, dance, dance

While I put you in a trance...

We need to keep looking.

Housekeeping.

(SHIVERS)

BOTH: Mr. Baldwin?

It's us, Mr. Baldwin, Milo and Oscar.

Yeah, I know that, Milo.

What?

What are you doing here?

Well, my apartment complex is being fumigated,

and I have no one in my life willing to take me in for a weekend.

That's great. Have you seen Brandon Bubbler around?

No, I have no idea what that is.

Oh my gosh, Mr. B.

-He's like soooo famous. -Yeah.

Well, then he's not gonna be down here in the economy rooms.

He'll be up in like a penthouse suite on the top floor.

Penthouse suite, got it.

Thank you, Mr. Baldwin.

Yeah, yeah.

(GROANS)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

BOTH: Whoa.

MILO: This has to be it.

-Yeah? -Uh, yes, we are housekeeping

and we, uh...

It's him.

Actually, my sister and I

were called in to do some emergency dusting.

What?

Uh, okay, everyone

it's-a dusting time.

Oh, very dusty. Oh, this is a very nice-a lamp.

Oh whoops.

Oh my... oh no!

I'm gonna be a-fired for sure.

Oh why?

Oh no, what will people think?

Oh, I'm so sorry...

(SHRIEKS)

Oscar,

run!

-Stop where you are. Hey! -Where do you think you're going?

-(SHOUTING) -(THUDS)

(PANTING) What happened? Did you get the hair?

Uh yeah.

-I got the body too. -What?

Sorry.

He looked at me and I got scared.

But just think how excited Bea will be.

(GROANS)

(DINGS)

BODYGUARD: There they are!

Hey, stop.

(SHRIEKS)

So, I can't thank you ladies enough for fixing my little problem.

-(WHIMPERS) -You're welcome.

MILO: Albert, Jumbo, run!

(SCREAMING)

So, Milo accidentally kidnapped Brandon Bubbler.

Oh, okay.

(PANTING)

-We gotta lose those dudes. -I got it.

Dinner is served.

(GRUNTS)

Aw, man!

Everyone into the elevator again.

(MUZAK PLAYING)

All right, let's get back to Bea's. Uh-oh.

You are not guests of this hotel.

Bellhops attack!

-(YELLING) -What do we do?

Sorry, Brandon.

After them!

(SIGHS)

Well, Shellsea, this has been my best party yet.

It's too bad Oscar and Milo didn't stick around to enjoy it.

Meh.

Bea!

B... Bea?

I, uh, I, uh... got something for you.

Oh my gosh, you seriously got some of Brandon's hair?

Uh, close.

Oh my gosh, it's the real Brandon Bubbler!

-(SHRIEKS) -Can I touch him?

-I wanna touch him. -(PURRS)

Milo, this is so amazing.

By the way, why was Brandon unconscious?

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Girl, you so crazy.

There, that's the guy.

(WHIMPERS) Well...

Okay, maybe I'm a kidnapper,

but the reason I did it

was so that I could give Bea a good birthday present for once.

Milo, you kidnapped Brandon Bubbler and brought him to my house.

This is the best birthday present anyone has ever given me.

-ALL: Awww. -SHELLSEA: Barf.

Hey, wait a second. It's your birthday?

Brandon loves birthdays.

Isn't that right, Bran-Bran?

(SONG BEGINS)

No way, it's your birthday

Today

Could've sworn it was next week

Or Tuesday

You're gettin' no younger

So, say Cowabunga and dance With me on your birthday

Hey, Mouse, we oughta get the band back together.

Wait, we never had a band.

Sure we did.

I played the drums and you played guitar.

But I like to hit things.

Are you sure I wasn't the drums?

Oh, that's right. I used to sing.

Okay, yeah, it's all coming back to me.

Girl, why did we ever break up?

(SINGING OFF-KEY) La, la, la, la, la...

Now I remember.

The reunion tour's off.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(GLASS SHATTERS)