Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

-(SONG BEGINS) -One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(SONG ENDS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ROARS)

(CHEERING)

(SINGING) I like to dance with a girl like you

Uh-huh! Ooh-hoo.

(GIGGLING) Pinch.

(WHIMPERS) My pencils!

-Not the face! -(MILO LAUGHING)

-Tag! You're it! -Come on, Milo.

-School isn't a place for games. -(MILO LAUGHING)

-MILO: (LAUGHING) You're it, Mr. Baldwin. -Milo, go sit down.

Come on, guys. Can't I take a simple potty break without you all losing it?

You're killing me here.

All right, uh... What class is this again?

This here is science class, Mr. Baldwin.

Okay then. Your assignment is to do a project

that has something to do with science.

And I don't want to have to figure out all these grades, so everybody pair up.

You want us to choose partners?

Bea, you think you might want to be my...

Oscar!

Brother partners, brother partners, Brother partners, brother partners!

Oh, guess what? I just changed my mind.

I'm picking your partners.

-Oh, man. -Phew.

-Milo, you're going to work with, uh, Bea. -MILO: (CHUCKLES)

-Oh, man. -BALDWIN: Albert,

you and Jocktopus can be together. Seems like a natural pairing.

Uh...

BALDWIN: Steve Jackson, you and the slimy girl.

Oh. Yes.

BALDWIN: Dan and Ann... Yeah, fine, you two.

(LAUGHING)

BALDWIN: And Oscar, you're going to work with, uh... Shellsea.

All right, I got the Brainiac. Easy "A."

You all have work to keep you busy so there's no reason

anyone should have to bother me.

(SNORING)

Oh, howdy, partner.

So, learn here often?

Oh, Milo, we are totally going to rock this project.

-You know it, girl. -(BOTH LAUGH)

-(BUTTONS CLICKING) -(WHIMPERS)

Um, hey, Shellsea.

So, I guess we're working together.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(PHONE BEEPS) Oh, who are you again?

It's... it's Oscar.

I've been in class with you since grade school.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

Oscar! You know, Milo's my brother.

Look, Oscar, I was just messing with you. Relax.

Oh, okay.

So, what should we do our project on?

Well, I think we should do something about music.

No, I... I really think

we need to do something really science-y.

Music is science!

It's the science of my life.

Oh! By the way, this project's due tomorrow.

Tomorrow!

(BREATHES HEAVILY) I gotta get an "A"! This isn't trivial stuff.

This is my grade we're talking about.

(STAMMERS) We need to do something super serious.

Oscar, your stress sweat is getting all over me.

Go take a bubble bath. Have a latte. Sip some chai tea.

We'll hook up later. Here's my card.

But only use it for emergencies. I got a lot going on.

Yeah. Chill. Totally. Catch you on the flipside.

-Later, skater. -Man, what decade is she from?

Who cares? Up top!

Best partnership ever!

(SIGHS)

Well, uh... I think this is the right place.

Hi, uh, I'm here to see Shellsea.

-Name. -Oh, uh, I am Oscar.

Oh, you're not on the list.

But we have to work on a science project. It's due tomorrow.

Look, if you're not on this list, you're not coming in.

Please step back.

(GIGGLING)

Well, what if I just remembered my name,

and it isn't really Oscar?

It's actually, uh... Steve Jackson?

Oh, yeah, okay. You can come in.

You are on the hot list. Yes.

-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) -Phew. What the...?

-Uh... -Oscar! Over here.

Hey, Shellsea. I tried to do what you said.

Stay home, and just, you know, have a latte and chill,

but then I totally started freaking out

about the project 'cause we don't know what we're doing!

Yeah. Okay.

Why are you smiling like that?

(CHUCKLES) I don't know.

Shellsea, we're supposed to be partners.

I can't do this alone.

-Uh-huh. -(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Bea. No way. 'kay, bye.

-(PHONE RINGING) -Hey. No way. 'Kay.

-(PHONE RINGING) -Hey, hey. No way.

-'Kay, bye. -(PHONE BEEPS)

Um, okay, so what I was saying is I checked out some books

-from the library to help us... -Hey, Shellsea.

Does this belt go with these earrings?

Just as well as music goes with science projects. Right, Oscar?

Heyo!

Shellsea, I'm not really convinced that music is the right way

-to go for a science project. -I get it, Oscar.

You're just not feeling it.

Let me show you.

-(POP MUSIC PLAYING) -See that fish

With long brown hair

-Yeah, she's hot... -Oscar.

You feeling it yet? You feeling it?

We are gonna get an "A." We are awesome.

-Awesomeness. -Shellsea, I don't ...

Hey, you're cute.

(MURMURS) I have a girlfriend.

Oh, my gosh. I'm not feeling it. I can't think 'cause it's so loud.

We're gonna fail.

I'm gonna be living on the streets, and I won't have good grades.

-(YELLS) -Okay, Oscar. Calm down.

You're not feeling it. Fine.

This place is dead anyway.

BEA: I think it should have flavor crystals.

MILO: Yeah, and maybe it can like, breathe fire!

Hey, Milo. Hey, Bea.

Ooh! Hey, guys. We're just working on our project.

Yeah, see, we're gonna genetically modify

this apple to make it even more amazing than it is as an apple.

Oh, that's actually a really cool idea.

-But wait, isn't that really complicated? -Psh, no. See, it's way easy.

We just mix stuff up in this blender and dump it on this apple

-and see what happens. -Oh, oh, oh, oh!

How about we make the apple seeds taste like, uh...

-Spaghetti? -I like it.

And I think apples should help you with your everyday problems,

-so let's add this teen advice magazine. -Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I want to throw in stuff we found under the sink.

All right, let's do this.

(BLENDER WHIRRING)

-Kapow! -(GLASS SHATTERS)

(BUTTONS CLICKING)

Ew.

Yeah, this isn't exactly what I was imagining.

But it's still science-y, right?

Oh, for sure.

Hey! Where you going?

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTIVELY)

I guess we'll have to do some more experimenting.

All right, well...

We'll just be getting out of your way.

See you later.

Jeez, those guys really have it together. We've got to get this project moving.

Are we seriously gonna work down here?

This room smells like boy.

Oh, no. Not here. We're going into my secret lair.

Oh, but you can't tell Milo about it, okay?

He has no idea it exists.

Don't worry. I won't be mentioning spending time with you to my friends.

Oh, thank you.

Ta-da.

Behold, the ultimate working environment.

Here, let me show you.

I've recorded every lecture Mr. Baldwin has ever given for easy reference.

Computer, access Baldwin 536.

COMPUTER: Accessing.

Oh, Mr. Tinklebottom,

-Somebody has a wrinkle bottom. -DUCK: (QUACKS)

Milo! Get out of here with that camera!

No! Baldwin 536!

COMPUTER: Deleting all files.

Stupid voice control never works.

Um, oh, oh, oh!

Over here, I've archived all the essays I've written,

so I can evaluate them for areas to improve.

I've decorated the walls with inspirational posters.

And in this drawer,

I keep a supply of paper bags. Because sometimes when I'm working,

I, uh, need something to hyperventilate into.

Ugh! I can't stand this.

It's so quiet in here. We need music.

Well, I've got plenty of music.

Computer, activate whale songs.

COMPUTER: Activating.

(WHALE CALLS)

(IMITATING WHALE CALLS)

Stop it!

If I wanted to hear wailing like that, I'd answer Finberley's phone calls.

-Oscar, you're not taking me seriously. -How can I take you seriously

when all you want to do is listen to pop music and dance around?

It's like you're actively trying to sabotage me.

Oh! Oh, my gosh.

You did not just say that.

Oscar, this partnership is not going to work.

I'm out.

Have fun freaking out in your panic room. By yourself.

With your bags.

Fine! I don't need your help. I can do it all on my own.

Oh, my gosh. We still have no project. I'm gonna fail!

(HYPERVENTILATING)

-(CELL PHONE RINGING) -Hello?

MILO: Oscar!

-Is that you, Milo? Okay, so you know how me and Bea

had that totally super amazing science project going?

Yes. Jealous.

Yeah, well, it sorta got a little too amazing.

And now it's trying to kill us!

-(SCREAMING) -Oh, my god!

MONSTER: (GROWLING)

Oh, come on.

Just got new seat covers.

-Oscar! You have to save us! -Milo, I'm kind of on a deadline here...

-MONSTER: (GROWLING) -MILO: My god! It's coming up behind us!

-MILO: (SHOUTING) -I'm coming.

-(SCREAMING) -(ROARING)

(ROARING)

Oh, no. Bea and Milo are trapped!

-(SCREAMS) -SHELLSEA: Whoa.

Talk about grody.

Shellsea, what are you doing here?

Bea called me and gave me the lowdown.

(SCREAMING)

(YELLS)

What do we do? What do we do?

(PANTING)

Look, partner. I want to save them just as much as you do.

But rolling around in the gravel isn't gonna help anyone.

What we're gonna do is be calm,

sit down,

listen to some music,

-and let the solution come to us. -(POP MUSIC PLAYS)

Shellsea, really? With the music thing still?

(GROANS) Fine.

Desperate times and such.

Hey, this groove is pretty good.

Makes me want to move my... Oh! Hey!

I got an idea. Can I see your phone?

(SCREAMING)

(ROARS)

-(PHONE BEEPS) -(POP MUSIC PLAYS)

See that fish

With long brown hair...

It's working! Apples don't have ears,

but they can feel vibrations.

Just don't care

I want to dance with a fish like you

Oh, oh, oh

See? I told you we'd make a great team through music!

Yeah, okay. You're right. This is pretty good.

Oh, oh, oh

Whoops.

And so, since our original project

had to be destroyed...

Because it was evil...

Right... because it was evil, we now present to you

this model of the solar system!

Wow, you two really went all out, huh?

BALDWIN: Eh, C+.

-Yeah! Hot dog! -Hey!

BALDWIN: All right, next?

So, for our project, we discovered that we can make plants,

such as this apple tree,

release energy when we play music at a low decibel frequency.

Take it away, Shellsea.

-(POP MUSIC PLAYING) -See that fish with long brown hair...

Oh, I love this song! A+!

We did it Shellsea!

Wait, who are you?

It's me, Oscar.

Eh... Oh... Oh, you.

You're just kidding with me again.

Right?

(SIGHS) You're... You're so hard to read.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Whee!

Okay, first, I want to thank you girls for coming to this emergency meeting.

You said there were gonna be snacks.

You don't need more snacks, Tabitha.

Now, down to business.

(GROAN) We're here to discuss

who's gonna be on the cover of this year's Freshwater Catch of the Month

Dude Edition Calendar.

Obviously, that's Oscar, so...

MILO: Think again!

I'm going to put an end to this discussion right now.

You ladies got your calendar cover boy right here.

-Uh, I don't think so. -No, no, definitely not.

DJ! Hit it.

(RECORD SCRATCHING)

(RAPPING) Look at my face, It's a thing of beauty

Everyone says I'm a cutie patootie

Got more kick than a chorus line

Got more fly than an airplane

Got more bounce than a kangaroo

Got more looks than all of you

Well, that's kind of subjective.

Got more shine than a shiny spoon

Got more glow than a harvest moon

Got more play than a radio

I got all this 'cause I'm Milo!

-(MUSIC STOPS) -Peace out, ladies.

Stay beautiful.

Like me, 'cause I'm beautiful. And I should be on that calendar.

You know, Milo, you could have stayed to help me with this.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, man, Oscar. I tells ya.

After a whole day of rapping about how good-looking I am,

I'm looking forward to a little beauty sleepy.

Uh, you know it's only 3:00 in the afternoon, right?

This much beauty needs a lot of rest!

You think it's easy looking this fly? 'Cause it's not!

Okay, fine. Forget I said any...

Someone like you would never understand.

Yeah, okay. Let's just drop it.

Wait. What do you mean, someone like me?

(SNORING)

(SMACKS LIPS, SNORES)

(ROOSTER CROWS)

Wake up, Milo.

I got grits cooking on the griddle.

Better get up here while it's hot.

Coming, brother dear!

Hmm, what's that? Hmm.

(GRUNTING)

Wait.

That can't be!

It looks like a flaw.

Or imperfection?

But those don't happen to me.

Maybe I can just smack it off my face.

(GRUNTING) Maybe I'll pick it.

(MUTTERING)

Ow! It's not coming off.

(STAMMERING) Wh... Wh... What am I gonna do?

Okay, calm down, Milo.

I can get through this.

I just need to put the little piece back in where it belongs.

(MURMURING)

Oh...

(MURMURING)

Gah!

My face is falling off!

(GASPS) I'm not gonna be able

to be on the cover of the calendar!

Bro, you okay?

I'm fine. Why do you ask?

Uh… 'Cause you screamed?

(CHUCKLES) Did I?

Why are you standing like that?

Oh, you know us beautiful people.

We like to pose a lot.

(CHUCKLES) You know what? I'll see you at school.

Okay? Bye-bye.

Beautiful people pose?

Huh. I'd better try that one out for myself.

"O" double "M" "G," Milo. What happened to you?

Yeah, does your face hurt?

It's killing me.

No, man. This is a badge of courage.

Yeah, I got this in a fight.

Oh, yeah? Who you fight?

Uh, I got jumped by a lion.

Milo, I think I'd know if you fought a lion.

Dude, it all happened in the bathroom this morning while you were doing

your dance routine.

Milo, duh.

It's called Jazzerobics. It's healthy.

-So, who won? -Well, let's just say

that the lion's pride

wasn't the only thing that got hurt.

-So cool. -Did you know lions are mammals?

We were squaring off, eye-to-eye,

and the lion takes a swipe.

Like spadoosh! So, I stare him down,

and then whackee!

And I was like, "Take that, lion."

-ALL: (GASPS) -You slapped the lion's face off?

Ha ha. Funny prank, Milo.

Prank?

-(WHISTLE BLOWING) -(YELPS)

COACH SALMONS: ...don't forget to take a shower.

I can't be seen like this.

Bro, bro! They're giving away coupons for Kooky Carpenter Cousin Six

in the janitor's closet.

What are we waiting for?

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ee! Huh?

Hey, there's nothing in here.

Look, I'm sorry I lied to you, Oscar, but I'm having a man-mergency!

A what-mergen... What?

You know, it's like...

It's like an emergency, but... but for men?

All right, enough, Milo.

Get that goop off your face. We need to get to class.

This isn't goop! And it isn't a prank.

My scales are really coming off.

(SCREAMS) Gross!

Yeah, I know. How am I ever going to be on the cover

of that calendar looking all tore up like this?

Oh, brother dear. I say, whatever shall I do?

Well, whenever I think there's something wrong with me,

I turn to my best friend.

-Me? -No, the internet.

it has all the answers for all your problems.

Oh!

The internet. Badoom!

(SIGHS) The internet. Whoa! Gross, Milo!

(GIGGLING) Boys. Boys, boys...

Shh! This is a library. Be quiet.

(PHONE RINGS)

(LOUDLY) Oh, hi, Patricia!

How are you?

No, I can totally talk.

It's totally fine.

BONNIE: Yeah. Oh! The test results came back.

Oh! That's nasty.

Oh! That's nastier.

Oh, my gosh!

Is that what's happening to me?

I gotta get a doctor!

Don't look at me!

-Don't look at me! -Shh!

(PHONE RINGS)

Oh, Patricia, Kids these days. I tell you, no respect.

MILO: Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me.

I didn't know who else to come to.

My skin is falling off all over my body.

Okay, Milo. Let's take a look at you.

What you have here is some scales,

and some skin,

and more scales.

Am I dying?

-No, you're just molting! -Molting?

Uh, wait. You can fix that, right?

No! Every teenager goes through it.

Your skin flakes fall off for a while, but then they grow back,

and you look better. But it's gonna take a little time.

But I don't have any time!

Get off the table, Milo!

I gotta get my pores popped.

So, the only calendar I'm ever gonna be on is the ugly calendar,

dude edition.

No!

(HUMMING) I'm on a diving board.

-Oscar! -(SCREAMS)

Gosh, Milo. You almost scared the tiny swim trunks off me.

Don't look at me.

But listen to me.

'Cause what I'm about to tell you is important.

I'm running away forever where no one can see me.

'Cause I'm so disgustingly...

hideous!

So, don't come try to find me.

And don't try to rally everyone to find me,

'cause... 'Cause you'll never find me!

'Cause I'm gonna be at the far end of the store in that tank down there

with the creepy castle, but don't try to find me!

'Cause you never will.

So... And...

Especially don't bring all of my friends and try to tell me to come back

'cause it'll never work!

'Cause I'm disgusting.

MILO: (SOBBING)

Don't worry, bro. You're not alone.

(CLEARS THROAT) You're not alone.

(THUNDER BOOMS, ELECTRICITY BUZZES)

(SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, I thought this spooky and depressing music

would cheer me up. But it's not.

-(MUSIC STOPS) -Look at me!

I'm hideous!

Oh, I must be the only teen in the world with body issues.

And now, I have to hide my hideousness away

up in this super top-secret fortress of secrecy

where no one will ever find me.

BEA: Milo!

Milo? Come on out.

We know you're in there.

We followed your trail of dead skin flakes.

Leave me alone.

I no longer belong in the world with you...

Normals!

I belong here, amongst the shadows,

with these creepy water spiders, and these aquarium bats,

And... And... And...

(SCREAMS)

Get me out of here!

Hey, what are you all doing out here?

-You all come to make fun of me? -Bro, we're not here to make fun of you.

In fact, we're here to tell you that you're not alone with your problems.

Every teen struggles with something. Even Steve Jackson.

I have two butts.

They're both perfect though.

Psh. You must think I'm a rubber band.

Because you are pulling a fast one.

We knew you'd say that!

So, we prepared a little something to change your mind.

Hit it, Oscar!

(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)

When I walk the halls

Everybody acts like I'm invisible

But I don't care

'Cause inside I feel like a billionaire

So what, I'm a nerd, this is how I do Let it all hang out, gonna make a debut

Whoo-hoo

I let my freak flag fly

I don't judge myself Through other people's eyes

I'm just a fish, I've got my wish

Gonna heat up my haters Like a chafing dish

Uh

Ew, look at that body

Ew, look at that body

-Uh -Ew, look at that body

I...I..I...I don't care

When I step outside People staring at me

Everyone wants to know Just what I'm thinking

I'm different and I'm special

And I'm not afraid to show it

This is me and I own it

I'm see-through

I'm a drama queen

I'm too happy

I'm a super geek

I'm slimy (SNEEZES)

I'm clumsy

I'm Clamantha

Wuh, Wuh

This is me and I own it.

Great song, guys. But how is that supposed to help me?

Milo, don't you see?

Everyone has problems,

so you shouldn't be so self-conscious.

Come on! This was very clever, what we did.

So, you're saying I don't have to be beautiful Milo?

I can be nasty, skin-flakes-falling-off Milo

and you guys will still love me?

ALL: Mm-hmm.

Well, I only have one thing to say about that.

Hot dog!

ALL: Yeah!

-Oh, gross. -That's disgusting.

Well, I guess you guys are gonna tell me that I'm still the most beautiful

and I get to be on the cover of the calendar!

Oh, heck no. You nasty.

We all voted for Steve Jackson.

His two butts are too hot to handle.

(LAUGHING)

Meh.

Hey, Snake. After watching those crazy fish all day,

I could use some exercise.

Have you seen my bike?

No, I haven't seen it anywhere.

Hmm. All right.

What about my tennis racket? Or my chair?

Or my genie lamp?

Uh... Well...

Oh, wait. All my stuff's over there.

Man, Snake, you should really get those bumps checked.

Every, every, everyone!