Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

(SINGING) One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLACKS)

-(MUSIC PLAYS) -(SQUEALS)

-(SQUEAKS, QUACKS) -BOTH: Floats.

(GULPS)

Hey, Oscar. Oh my gosh!

Is that your super-secret project that you've kept super, super secret?

Time for a peeksie!

No, Milo! No peeksies!

Oh, I can't help it!

I'm just so excited!

Just look at my toes

a-wiggle-wiggle-wiggling.

My toes are wiggling too, but I think it's 'cause I'm so nervous.

-Oscar, you're gonna do great. -I don't know, guys.

It looks like there's a lot of great projects this year.

And now I am off to the future!

(REVS)

I'll just be happy if things go better than they have in the past.

I give you...

a volcano!

KIDS: Ooh!

I give you...

the solar system!

KIDS: Ooh!

I give you...

tofu!

Phew!

Aw, don't worry, man.

You're like the smartest fish I know...

after Albert, Jumbo

and that one guy who always smells like peanut butter.

The point is no matter what happens, we've got your back.

DR. FROG: What?

Um, Dr. Frog, what are you doing?

I'm looking at your science project.

It's fascinating.

-There's a whole world in here. -(ANIMALS CHATTER)

My project's out here.

What?

Well, then let's see it.

Um, I've been anticipating this moment all year.

Prepare yourselves for the greatest scientific spectacle,

the likes of which you've never seen!

MAN: It's not gonna explode is it?

That I can...

not guarantee.

I give you...

the potato clock!

It's... it's so magical.

I love you, potato clock!

Ingenious!

It uses the potato as a battery.

This invention is going to change the world!

Uh, Milo, you do know clocks already exist?

They do now. (LAUGHS)

Well, I think we can all agree that this is

the most amazing science project the school has seen in years!

And so, it's my great pleasure to present Oscar with the award for...

(CLANGS)

DR. FROG: What happened to the lights?

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

-(RATTLING) -(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)

(ALL GASP)

My project! It's been stolen!

Well, since you have no project,

I'm happy to give you the award for... last place!

(YELLS) No-ooo!

-(CAMERA CLICKS) -(GASPS)

Keep it together, man!

We can figure this out.

(CRIES) Bea, how do we figure this out?

Whoever stole the clock must still be in the room.

That means it could be anyone here right now!

Dr. Frog, couldn't we have a little more time to solve this mystery?

You can have until the end of the day

to show me whatever you can come up with.

I can't believe it.

The one time it doesn't blow up in my face, this happens!

Oh, don't worry, Oscar.

Milo and I are going to solve this mystery.

I don't wanna brag,

but I have seen quite a few mystery dramas in my time,

so, I would make the perfect detective!

And I would make the perfect sandwich.

Believe that.

All right, Milo.

Whoever stole Oscar's project

had to have turned the lights out from here.

-Look, evidence. -(GASPS)

A fin-print.

And down here... more evidence.

Judging by this handkerchief,

I believe our perp may have a cold.

See how I used the word "perp"? Pretty cool, right?

And I know just what to do with you.

(WHIRRS)

That was an important piece of evidence!

And why do we have a paper shredder in the gymnasium?

Girl, are you that naive?

Our best friend needs our help

and you want to waste time sifting through garbage?

All right then, what do you suggest?

CLAMANTHA: Mmm, where are you?

Where are you, my little cauliflower?

(SCREAMS) You nearly scared the shell off of me!

You saw who took Oscar's project.

Tell us or you're baked, clam!

Whoa there, Milo.

No need to batter the bivalve.

We can do these interrogations without resorting to violence.

Pssh! Fine! Use your little words.

Hey, Clamantha.

So... you know how you're always spying on Oscar

and watching him while he sleeps?

Yeah?

Well, did you happen to witness who took Oscar's potato clock?

Hmm. Well, I did see something.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

CLAMANTHA: There I was, just doing my thing.

Nothing new, just your typical day.

(UNICORN NEIGHS)

When up came...

-Oscar. -(BIRD TWITTERING)

He looked so good.

You look so good!

Hey there, dream hottie.

Can I interest you in a round of...

kissy-face?

(SMACKS LIPS)

Can you ever!

First let, me prepare my body.

Oh, yeah, show me... show me what you got.

(LAUGHS) Yeah!

Hot.

-None of that happened, Milo. -Oh.

The part where Albert took the potato clock happened.

There you are, Bo!

I need another potato for my project right away!

No worries, partner.

Wow! You have an entire farm in your locker!

Which ones are the potatoes?

Right here.

You mean you have to grow them?

It is nature's way.

-But this is gonna take forever! -(CAMERA CLICKS)

Jocktopus, what are you doing?

Nerd fish is very stressed and upset,

so Jocktopus takes pictures 'cause it's funny.

-(YELLS) -(CAMERA CLICKS REPEATEDLY)

(LAUGHS)

(WHISPERING) Listen to that, Milo.

Behind that adorable facade is a criminal mastermind!

Are you ready for this?

-I call good cop. -Wait, I can't be bad cop with Albert.

-It just doesn't feel right. -Okay!

Then you can be good cop and I will also be good cop.

I like your style, partner.

Hey, Albert.

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on...

Your sweater vest. That's what.

Oh, is that a wrinkle? Let me get that for ya.

(SINGING) La la la la la la la!

And while she's doing that,

I'm gonna help you relax.

I can see you have a lot of stress on your mind.

Let me get that for ya!

You guys have been so nice.

Tell me, is there anything I can do for you?

Well... there is something.

(FORCEFULLY) Tell us what you did with Oscar's science project.

It wasn't me! I swear!

Milo, what do you think?

I think he needs more cupcakes.

Come on, Albert,

it's time to confess.

(SWALLOWS) I swear to you guys,

I have no idea who took Oscar's project!

More cupcakes!

He must be telling the truth.

He really didn't steal Oscar's project.

-But that would mean... -We've failed.

All right, Oscar. You've got two minutes to come up with a project.

You can do this.

Hey, Oscar.

Milo! Bea! You guys found my project, didn't you?

Hey, everyone,

Bea and Milo found my project!

Go ahead, you guys.

Tell us all how you solved the mystery.

BOY: Yeah, tell us!

Um, we...

We, um...

We didn't find it!

-BOTH: Oscar! -Are you okay?

It's no big deal, guys.

I'll just be a failure for the rest of my life.

-(CAMERA CLICKING) -(LAUGHS)

Smile, nerd fish!

We blew it, Bea.

We are the worst best friends ever.

No, there has to be a method we haven't tried.

Some way to analyze this data.

We need some sort of scientific method.

That's it, Milo! We use the scientific method.

-That's a real thing? -Focus now.

What is the variable?

-(CLASSICAL SCORE PLAYING) -(WOMAN VOCALIZING)

What? What's with all the math?

Clamantha, why would you accuse Albert?

There's no way he could've taken that potato clock,

let alone lifted it.

(STAMMERS) Gulp!

Hey, what are those you're holding?

Nothing. These are nothing!

(BEA GASPS) These are all pictures of Oscar!

And they were all taken today.

Since when are you into photography?

Jocktopus has his hobbies.

Here's my hypothesis:

you saw that Milo and I were snooping around,

so you paid Clamantha with pictures of Oscar

so she would frame Albert!

Conclusion:

you did all of this, so you could cover up the fact

(EMPHATICALLY) that you stole Oscar's potato clock!

(CROWD GASPS)

This is supposed to be a surprise?

Nuh-uh! Girl fish can't prove anything!

Oh, I think I can.

(POPS)

Hot dawg!

That is a match!

Jocktopus busted.

But, Jocktopus,

why did you do it?

This is Jocktopus's project...

the effects of ruining science-fair projects on nerd fish.

It's so wonderful, it brings tears to Jocktopus's eyes.

How can I ever thank you?

Man, we're your best friends!

And we always have your back.

What an interesting turn of events!

Jocktopus and Oscar,

for the best combined science project of the year,

I'm happy to award you first place!

Jocktopus!

Oscar!

And don't forget, this is all thanks to the wonders of...

ALL: Science!

(CLASSICAL SCORE PLAYING)

(CRASHING SOUND)

(HORSE NEIGHS)

(SINGSONG VOICE) Good morning, mall!

Ooh!

I think this is (SINGSONG VOICE) yours.

BOTH: Yay!

Hey, guys!

-Good morrow, Bea. -Happy Saturday.

Did you get that promotion yet?

Not yet, but not for the lack of trying.

(SINGING) Today's the day I'm gonna get that promotion...

No, you're not!

Even Randy can't bring me down today

Because I'm working with my friends

But not at Taco Face...

-It's not that bad. (GROANS) -(MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYS)

Yes, it is.

(SINGING) I'm gonna show my boss

I'm ready to be assistant assistant manager

Today!

Good morning, guys.

BOTH: Good morning, and welcome to Soggy's Pretzels!

This has to be the best job.

-I get to spend all my time with you guys. -I know.

Check this out.

I made a pretzel shaped like us! (LAUGHS)

Oh, Oscar, that looks great.

Mm-hmm. Looks great bro. (GULPS)

-I ran out of free samples. -Oof!

Hey!

Hey, Shellsea,

and welcome to Soggy's Pretzels.

Would you like a pretzel?

(WHIMPERING)

No.

-Hmm. -MILO: Come on down to Soggy's Pretzels

and buy yourself a pretzel!

Not if my life depended on it!

(GROWLS)

Miss Goldfishberg,

I want to see you in the office immediately.

Yes, boss.

This must be it, you guys.

-My big promotion. -You go, girl!

Hey, Barb. What's up?

We have a problem.

This Soggy's Pretzels... (GRUNTS)

is underperforming.

(GASPS) Am I fired?

No, no, you get the promotion.

(SQUEALS)

Your first responsibility is to fire one of the slackers.

I'm sorry. What?

Oh, my gosh!

You mean my friends.

Yes, I can handle having one slacker.

One slacker is fun stress relief for the rest of the crew,

but having two is costing me my business.

So, I promote you to fire one of your friends.

Okay, you make a good decision.

What am I gonna do, Shellsea?

I can't fire one of my friends.

Fire them both and then hire someone cute.

-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) -Come on!

(OSCAR LAUGHS)

(BOTH GIGGLE)

(GASPS) Wait, I've got an idea.

If I just train them to be better at their jobs,

Barb won't think they're slackers and I won't have to fire them!

-Boys! -Hey, Bea!

Well, what happened with Barb?

You're looking at Soggy's Pretzels '

new assistant assistant (SINGSONG VOICE) manager.

-You got the promotion! -Bea's number one!

Yeah, it's great, I guess.

-BOTH: Huh? -Bea, wait.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean it's a tough job.

If I don't show Barb

how good of an assistant assistant manager I am,

then I could be...

f-f-f-f-f-fired.

-No! -Bea, we will do whatever it takes

to help you prove your excellence to Barb.

Great, then we'll be doing a little training.

Oscar, make me a pickled pepper pretzel without sweating on it.

Uh, okay.

That's it, Oscar. That's it.

Hey, Oscar!

Huh? Oh, hey, Angela.

(CRIES OUT) No!

Hold in that sweat. Cork those pores!

(SUCKS, BOINGS)

I did it!

(DRIPPING)

(SCREAMS)

Oh! I'm sorry! It's genetic! I can't control it!

Welp, Oscar's a lost cause.

Hopefully, I'll have better luck with Milo.

Okay, Milo, your turn.

I've set up this obstacle course

using the mall's senior citizens.

Whee!

It's very simple.

All you have to do is deliver a pretzel sample

to the girls at Taco Face,

But do it without running into anyone. Okay?

(LAUGHS) We're being included!

Oh, is this guacamole?

No, it's not. (GROANS)

Now get in there.

-Excuse me, Pops. -(YELLS)

Pardon me, Nana.

That's it, Milo. That's it.

Oh, I dropped my whacking stick.

-I'll get...oh! I'm sorry! -Ah!

-Oh my! -(SENIORS GRUNTING)

-No! -Bea, I'm sorry!

-Oh! -Ooh!

Oh, it's okay, you giant clumsy pretzel.

You're just a giant clumsy pretzel.

(YELLS) This isn't working!

What am I gonna do?

If only there was some kind of sign.

I need a sign.

Please send me a sign!

Oh, my gosh, a sign.

A "help wanted" one at that.

Maybe if I just get them different jobs,

they won't wanna work at Soggy's Pretzels anymore.

Hey!

I mean... (MIMICKING OSCAR) Hey, secret portal.

I, Oscar, am here.

-ALL: Hurrah! -JUMBO AND ALBERT: Greetings, Oscar.

(WHISPERS) They bought it.

So, what can I do ye for?

(MIMICKING OSCAR) Oh, I'm just here to drop off my resume.

You're applying? (LAUGHS)

Of course you're hired, Oscar!

Um, okay, great.

Hey, I'll be right back then.

Just going to take my break.

Actually, could you put these figurines away first, please?

Okay.

(VOCALIZES TUNE)

(GASPS) No! Oh, no!

Pappy, what's the matter?

(GASPS) Heaven's me!

Oscar has put Duckworthy,

Lord of the Giraffadors,

in the giants category!

ALL: Ah!

What's wrong with that?

Oscar, you know better than this!

Duckworthy is a ten-foot living and moving statue,

but this doth not categorize him as a giant!

(MUTTERS) Okay.

Oops. It's just a figurine.

Potato, po-tah-to.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(ALL GROWLING)

(WHISPERS) It's never just a figurine.

(SCREAMS)

Order of nachos ready for pickup.

-Hyah! -Ugh!

Oh, wow! Nachos!

Oh, yeah!

Well, that was a disaster.

Maybe I can find Milo a job.

Derpa derpa!

My name's Milo and I'm here to get a job! Hot dawg!

What are your qualifications?

Um, well...

okay, I like apples

and um...

I play a mean Kazoo.

(MIMICS KAZOO)

-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) -Oh, and I like to party.

Partay!

Sorry, kid, you're a couple of minutes late.

Oof!

Dude, what happened to your costume?

I've been eating it.

Is it made of real pretzel? -Uh...

(BEA SCREAMS) Oof!

-Hey, Milo. -Hey, Milo.

Bea, is that you?

Huh? (SCREAMS)

-Um... -Stupid sale ended three weeks ago.

Did anyone bother to tell me? No.

-Shellsea, wait. -What? What's wrong with you now?

(MUTTERS INCOHERENTLY)

(MUTTERS INCOHERENTLY)

-Oh, you didn't fire them yet. -Fire?

-You didn't let them go. -Let 'em go?

-You didn't give 'em marching orders. -Marching orders?

-Pink slips. -Pink slips?

-Walking papers. -Walking what?

-Shellsea, stop! -Okay, bye.

Bea, what was she talking about?

Nothing, nothing at all, diddly doo!

Well, it sounded like she said you were gonna fire us.

Uh...

You're trying to break up the gang!

Why would you do that to us, woman?

I thought we were tight.

I thought we were tight!

We are tight.

You know what?

No one's getting fired today. I'm gonna make this right,

because I am going to be the one to quit.

Bea Goldfishberg,

Why do we still have two slackers?

Haven't you made your decision on who to fire?

Yes.

It's me!

She's chosen me.

(WHISPERS) Don't do this, Bea. Don't quit.

-No, it's me. -I stepped up first.

-It's me. -No, it's me.

Hyah!

Dude, quit it!

It was super-brave awesome when I stepped up!

You make the best pretzels, dude!

-They're all salty and moist. -(GRUNTS)

-You should stay. -Oh, come on, who is it?

-Me! (GRUNTS) -It's me!

-Milo! It... it's me. -No, it's me!

No, it's me!

As assistant assistant manager, it's my decision.

And I fire...

you, Barb!

Me?

Yeah, you.

You've been the only bad part of this job.

Asking me to fire one of my best friends?

I strip you of your responsibilities

-and your uniform. -(RIPS)

Oh, how dare you, Miss Bea!

Apparently, you do not understand how the world really works!

See, I am still your boss.

I outrank you. You can't fire me.

I fire you!

And I fire you.

And I fire you.

I fire all you slackers.

Get out of my pretzel place! I never wanna see you again.

(MEXICAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUTTERS)

-I was like this and it was like that. -Oh my gosh, and you were like that.

-Yeah, it was so like that. -We are so like that.

-GIRL 1: Oh my gosh! -GIRL 2: You were so like that.

(MOANS)

Well, at least we're all working together.

Man, I hate part-time jobs.

-(COMPUTER BEEPS) -Wow.

I can't believe my blog has over a million hits.

I just started it on Tuesday.

I haven't even updated it all that much.

Yeah, I know you haven't.

I've checked it like 999,999 times.

-(COMPUTER BEEPS) -Still nothing!

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

Still nothing!

-(COMPUTER BEEPS) -Still nothing!

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

Still nothing!

-(COMPUTER BEEPS) -Still nothing!