Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoa!

Whoa! Oof!

-(DOGS BARK) -(GROANS)

(MOANING)

Huh? Where am I?

Ah! Oh my gosh! Who are you?

Huh? Who am I?

Wait a minute. Who am I?

Oh yes! I am the r-r-r-r-rat king!

And as punishment for tr-r-r-respassing into my kingdom,

I have decided that I am going to eat you!

Oh man, this is the second-worst thing to happen to me tonight.

Second-worst thing?

For what, pray tell,

could be worse than being feasted upon by the r-r-r-r-rat king?

Never knowing the joy of having a steady girlfriend.

Well, fear not, young fellow.

The rat king will not stand by

and watch you cry your poor little eyes out.

So... I will eat your head first.

Oh, how did I end up here?

Just last night it seemed like my life was gonna change...

(SNIFFLES) for the better.

Oh, Oscar, this is so nice.

I just wanted tonight to be perfect.

As long as I'm with you, everything is perfect.

-BOTH: Mm... -JUMBO: Wait. Before you do that,

you must first defeat the evil gingerbread dragon

holding you captive.

What do you do?

(EMPHATICALLY) What do you do?

Game master, prepare for total devastation.

I cast my most powerful spell...

the dance of the sugarplum fairies!

JUMBO: Ah! A twenty!

The spell is extremely effective.

The gingerbread dragon is defeated!

He falls to the ground in anguish.

Thick red icing spews from every pore of his body until... Baboosh!

He explodes in a sticky gingerbread mist.

-That's disgusting. -Gross!

Awesome!

Let us now break to the kitchen

for the placing of pizza sauce onto English muffins.

MILO, JUMBO AND ALBERT: Huzzah!

(BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY)

So... we've been holding hands for, like, almost a month now.

I know. M-my hands have never been so moist.

(GIGGLES, SNIFFING)

So... I guess that means you're my steady girlfriend now, right?

I guess it does.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

Oh, my gosh. Now I have to go tell all my girlfriends now.

Not if I tell them first.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

Goodbye, Oscar...

I mean, my official boyfriend.

(SIGHS)

What?

Bro, do you realize what you've done?

What is wrong with you, Oscar?

You dummy head!

What? I like Angela.

It's our one-month anniversary, and I'm making her my girlfriend.

Oscar, don't you know?

Once a girl becomes your girlfriend, she changes.

Like a werewolf!

(SNARLS)

Sure, it's all fun and games now,

but soon...

you'll be spending all your time with her.

MILO: All your time!

JUMBO: You can say goodbye to your friends.

MILO: Sing it, brother!

ALBERT: Not to mention mazes and magic nights.

MILO: All the nerd stuff!

JUMBO: Video games.

-ALBERT: Comic books. -JUMBO: Science-fiction movies!

ALBERT: Action figures.

Pretty much anything fun!

Why? Because girlfriends hate fun,

especially when their boyfriends are having fun without them.

BOTH: Hallelujah!

That's crazy!

Angela loves that stuff too.

Sure, she does... now.

That's how they trick you.

Next thing you know it's "When are we getting married?

"When are we having kids?

"We need a bigger house.

"Did you get that promotion yet?

"The kids have to go to college.

"Little Suzy wants a big wedding.

(CRYING) "Little Suzy wants a big wedding!"

Relax, Albert. That's in the past now.

Milo, why'd you start that?

Because I wanted Oscar to see the truth!

I believe that Shakespeare said it best when he said,

-"Relationships... bad!" -(DRUM STING PLAYS)

-Mm-hmm. -(GROANS)

Hey! Whoa!

(CRYING CONTINUES)

Okay, you guys take these board games way too seriously.

Bea! Thank goodness you're here!

The guys are saying going steady with Angela is a bad idea!

(SHRIEKS) Oh, my gosh!

Oscar, that is great news!

You can pace around Fishever 21 while Angela tries on jeans.

And you may as well throw out your computer games,

because now you're gonna be spending

all your weekends talking about your feelings

and sharing your deepest, darkest secrets.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, relationships sound like a lot of fun.

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! (SIGHS)

I see there's only one thing to do before you "take the plunge."

What's that, Milo?

Guys' night out!

-Yay! -All right!

The guys and I are gonna show you one last night of fun

before your pretty little life is pretty little over.

No girls allowed!

Yeah well, duh, Milo. I understand what "guys' night out" means.

No matter how much you beg and plead, I ain't gonna let you come!

It's okay, Milo. I got it.

Don't try those tears on me. It ain't gonna work, girl.

This is just for the boys!

Right. Okay, Milo.

Where are you going? I'm not done telling you you can't come with us.

Well, if I'm gonna have a boring life ahead of me,

I'm gonna make this the most epic night ever!

BOYS: Guys' night out! Guys' night out!

Guys' night out! Yeah!

Check it out!

Oscar's got a posse!

We got Albert and Jumbo,

Bo Gregory!

-I brought the chicks. -(CHIRPS)

What up, student council?

-Uh, I'm a girl. -Oh, my gosh.

-This whole time? -MILO: And... Ice Pick!

(GROWLS)

-Who is this guy? -Okay, okay, okay.

So, I'm on my way here, right?

And I just see Ice Pick running from the police station. (LAUGHS)

So, I thought,

"Hey, why not invite him to Oscar's guys' night out party?"

I'm gonna enjoy watching you die...

What?!

...of laughter... (LAUGHS)

...from all the good times we're gonna have tonight.

-(SCREAMS) -(LAUGHS) Ice Pick, you so crazy.

OSCAR: All right then.

If this is my last night of freedom,

then tonight has got to be epic!

Bassy, I'll have one juice, please.

One diet juice coming up.

No! Make it a regular.

ALL: Ooh.

Guys' night out!

Hot dawg!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

It's a guys' night out tonight!

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

It's a guys' night out tonight!

All right!

Oh yeah.

Hanging out, just us dudes

No girls allowed, we're being crude

Don't talk about tomorrow Don't wanna know

Tonight's about fun

Hanging with my bros!

-Face painting! -More fun!

-MILO: Video games! -More fun!

-Laser tag! -More fun!

-Roller coasters! -More fun!

-JUMBO: Skydiving! -More fun!

-ICE PICK: Tattoos! -More fun!

-Gecko-Roman wrestling? Hot dang. -More fun!

Hanging out, just the dudes

Wake up, guys. We gotta keep going! Gotta have the best night ever!

Sorry, Oscar. We're tired and out of money.

We're going home.

-But... -(WHISPERS HOARSELY) Get out of my car.

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(LAUGHS)

Oh, that was hilarious.

(GROANS) This night can't end now!

We gotta keep the fun going as long as possible!

Let's do something dangerous.

Well, you know, there is one thing

that I was going to save for your wedding night.

Oh yeah?

We're gonna ride the Swirlies at Swirly Stadium!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

The Swirlies!

Is this epic enough for you?

Oh yeah, this is perfect!

Check this out!

Tadah!

You just got served, sucka!

Watch this... no fins!

Whee!

No, no, no! (SCREAMS)

Yeah, that was pretty...

Oh, my gosh!

Oscar! No!

OSCAR: And then I must've floated through the sewers

and ended up here where I was eaten alive.

(BURPS) Actually, I'm having some trouble getting through all this hair.

Now that I think about it,

I was happiest when I was with Angela.

Oh, Angela, it would've been an honor to be your boyfriend.

ANGELA: Oscar, I feel the same way.

I can hear her voice.

It's almost as if she's right next to me.

-ANGELA: I am. -Angela!

Wh-wh-what are you doing here?

My crazy best friend, Shiloh, talked me into having a "great night out,"

things got banana pants, I ended up in the sewers... you know, that old story.

You two are boyfriend and girlfriend?

Uh, yeah.

Zounds!

My lady wife Vanessa and I are always looking for couples to do things with.

What say you join us for a match of mazes and magic next week!

You're not gonna eat us?

Ha! Why would I eat you when I could make short work of you

with but a r-r-r-roll of my many-sided die?

-(ALL LAUGHING) -We're nerds.

(ALL LAUGHING)

And that's what happened.

I thought you were a goner!

So, I rented out your room.

To who?

Oscar, your girlfriend is gonna scream...

(BOTH SCREAM)

...when she finds out how much you love her!

-Oh. -Ah. Thanks, Ice Pick.

Good luck, you two.

So... what did you learn today?

I learned you're full of doo-doo, Milo.

Say it loud!

Relationships don't have to be boring.

We can make it whatever we want it to be.

Let's just promise each other that we won't be boring.

Girl, you're alive!

Guys, this is my crazy best friend Shiloh.

Shiloh!

Ooh, Shiloh!

I love you! (CHUCKLES)

Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Okay!

Hot dawg!

Hamburgers, baby!

What?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNAPS)

(CAR ALARM BLARES)

(ALARM CHIRPS)

Where's Milo? He's running later than usual.

I don't know, but he said he had something really important to show us.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

I was like, "no way, gotta say not today

I love you still, but I've had my fill

-No way, Jose, no, no -No, no, no

-Thank you, Frank, I gots to go -No, no, no

-Nuh-uh-uh-uh. -(MUSIC STOPS)

So, what's going on, Milo?

Okay, so you know how the Hokey Poke has that special going for, like, ten years...

"Buy 999 milkshakes and get the 1,000th for free"?

Yeah, so?

Well, check this out!

Oh, garcon!

What do you want, punk?

Um, I believe you owe me a free milkshake.

Pow! My punchcard!

Impossible!

Nobody can drink that many shakes!

That's the whole point of the promotion!

Well, somebody did.

(MIMICS SIZZLE)

Well, if I have to... whatever. Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT) "Congratulations, customer name,

"on winning the free milkshake.

"I only thought this day would ever happen when pigs fly."

Bassy!

(FANFARE)

-(CLANGS) -(SQUEAKING)

Here it comes! Oh, baby.

(BURPS)

(SQUEAKING CONTINUES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Better live it up, kid,

'cause this is about as good as it's ever gonna get for you.

You have my word, Chief.

I will savor this moment for as long as I possibly can!

Bro, this is, like, the coolest thing you've ever done.

I know it!

BOTH: We're so proud of you.

Come on, Milo, drink it up.

You've earned it.

Say what?

Did you not just hear me tell Chief I'm gonna savor this as long as I can?

Well yeah, Milo, but it's a milkshake. It's gonna melt.

Bea! It's more than a milkshake.

As soon as I drink it, it's gone!

So, what are you gonna do?

Hmm.

(GASPS) I think me and milkshake should spend some quality time together.

Uh, okay.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh-huh-huh, uh-huh-huh Come on, bring it now

-Milky, milky, you're so thick -Yeah

-Drink too much and you're gonna get sick -Nauseous

Shakey, shakey, I need a straw

'Cause when I'm with you All the ladies say...

Oh yes, I got a shake To go with those fries

The answer to your question is big size

When you see me with my shake, man You know I get iller

Might be strawberry, could be vanilla.

(RECORD SCRATCHES)

(SCREAMS)

Oscar, Oscar!

Quick! She's dying.

She? You mean your milkshake?

(CRIES) You have to help me!

Uh, Milo, you guys had a good run.

Sooner or later, you have to drink 'em before they melt.

But...

Oscar!

O-okay. Well, how about we just put it in the freezer? There.

But it's all dark and cold in there,

and we can't spend any time together.

Well, Milo, milkshakes need to stay cold or else they'll melt.

Hmm.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Oh, and that's the music room

and over there is my locker.

And this is Mr. Baldwin's class.

Let me introduce you to some of my friends.

This is Finberley and that's Albert.

And this is Jumbo...

and that's Koi.

And you already know these two. (LAUGHS)

Milo, you brought your milkshake to school?

Check it.

I stuffed this thing with ice packs.

I mean my belly is a little cold,

but she's nice and cozy.

Also, I decided to name her Emily.

(MR. BALDWIN GROANS) All right, everyone.

Take your seats.

This is Mr. Baldwin.

-Milo. -He has babies in there.

-(WHISPERS) Listen. -Ah! Cold!

Oh, if only he weren't asleep!

Fairy godmother, what do I do?

Perhaps a kiss will awaken...

Okay, I got it.

(SQUEALS)

-(DOOR SLAMS) -MILO: Bea!

Bea, Bea, Bea.

Hey, can you watch Emily for me?

What?

I have to use the bathroom, and I can't take her into the boys' room.

Milo, I am in the middle of rehearsals.

Ha! Thanks, girl.

Okay, we're gonna try this one more time!

What? Oh right.

Back to that (SINGSONG VOICE) kiss.

Oh, whoa, whoa, that's cold.

(SIGHS) Milkshake.

-(BOYS LAUGHING) -ALBERT: It's coming out today.

Oh! I can't believe it's finally coming out...

Commander Catfish 3: Punch and Conquer!

I heard the AIs in the game were programmed with twice the cunning!

Plus, the new in-game punching simulation

is supposed to be off the chain.

Did you hear that, Emily?

We get to punch things!

Look, the store is opening!

-Yay! -Yeah!

-Me first! -(BOYS LAUGHING)

Whoa. Sorry, man. No outside food or drink.

What, what, what, what, what?!

Milo, why don't you just wait outside?

No, that is discrimination.

That's our store policy, man.

Well, then we will not be patronizing this fishstablishment.

-Come along, Oscar. -No!

-Yeah! -Sweet!

When I went back to the store, they were completely sold out.

Huh! You think that's bad? Well, how would you like it

if Milo ruined your chance to kiss Steve Jackson?

Wait, why would I be kissing Steve Jackson?

Ah! Milo's spilling milkshake everywhere

and it's making things stick to my bottom!

Yeah, this is a real low point for all of us.

You know what, guys?

I think this milkshake situation is getting out of control.

We gotta do something!

Let's go!

O.M.G.

I can't believe you are taking me and Emily to Pupu Goodtimes.

Okay, we're here.

Oh, boy! Huh?

This isn't Pupu Goodtimes.

Now, Milo, no one here is mad at you.

We just have some things we need to say.

Ms. Lips is here to help us.

Hello, Milo.

Your friends are concerned that your relationship with your milkshake

is becoming a problem.

Can you tell me about it?

Well, her name is Emily

and she's the best thing to ever happen to me.

Oh, really?

I had a spatula named Brian and I loved him.

But then my friends made me give him away,

then they told me I was fat. (WHINES)

Okay.

Jumbo, can you read what you have to say to Milo?

Yes. Ahem! "What I see before me

"is a boy who has been chosen to save the universe..."

Jumbo, that's the first draft of our sci-fi novel.

All right, moving right along. Shellsea?

"Milo, you are too loud, and you need a haircut."

Let's try to keep this about the milkshake.

JOCKTOPUS: Ugh!

Jocktopus's chair's uncomfortable!

Is your chair uncomfortable

or are you uncomfortable with yourself?

-(ALL SCREAM) -(GRUNTING)

Milo, the point is

your milkshake is ruining everyone's lives!

-You have to drink it! -No! Never!

You have to, bro.

It's either us or the shake.

I cannot believe you'd make me choose.

Milo, we just want what's best for you.

No!

You guys said you understand.

(CRYING) But you don't!

Emily is the only one who understands me!

I'm going to the real Pupu Goodtimes

with my real friend.

(YELLING)

Milo!

-(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(FISH SCREAMING)

The nerve of those guys,

trying to make me drink you?

(LAUGHS) Savages. Who needs 'em?

It's just you and me now, Emily.

And I vow we will have the most amazing time together ever!

Hold on, baby girl, for the ride of your life!

(SCREAMS)

Girl, that was cool, but you gotta hold it down a little bit this time.

(YELLS)

(SCREAMING) Keep it down, girl!

Why you gotta be spilling? Oh, what the...

Not on the flying hippo! My shirt's all sticky! (SCREAMING)

Oh, man, none of these rides are milkshake friendly.

I'm gonna sit on this bench and write and angry letter Mr. Pupu.

(RATTLING)

Oh, don't even tell me it's...

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

(BABBLES)

Mommy, mommy!

It's the pink Pupu Goo monster.

Mommy, take a picture.

Honey, quick, take a picture.

Oh, my eyes!

I can't see!

(BUZZING)

(SCREAMS)

Bees that are underwater!

Somebody please knock over the cups!

(GROANS)

Oh.

Ah! Ooh! Ah!

Corn! So sticky! (GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

(GASPS, GRUNTS)

E-emily, help!

Why aren't you doing anything?

(CRYING) I thought we were friends.

Oh! I wish Oscar and Bea were here.

(SOBS) I can't...

They always helped me when I needed it

and I never had to refrigerate them.

OSCAR: We are here Milo.

Oscar! Bea!

(GRUNTS) Ha!

Oh my gosh!

I'm so happy to see you guys.

Milo, we'll always be your friends,

even if you're crazy.

I'll tell you what I'm crazy about...

getting rid of this milkshake!

(SLURPS)

Hey, wait a second. It's empty.

(GASPS) What do you guys say we go down to the Hokey Poke

and get my 100th Chimichanga free?

We'll name him David. (LAUGHS)

Snake, what are you doing up there?

I joined the archery team.

I'm gonna learn how to hit a bull's-eye like Robin Hood.

Don't you need arms, hands and stuff?

Oh, Mouse, I don't think you need all that.

I hit a bull's eye!

(SCREAMING) My eye!

Why would you do that to me?!

Ah! I can't see!