Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(SONG PLAYING) Fishy, the fishy hula

Maybe I'll make my moolah

Come on and do the

Oh, ho, ho, ho

Fishy, the fishy hula...

This is gonna be the best party cruise ever.

MILO: You mean the best pirate party ever!

-(SEAGULLS CAWING) -(SIGHS)

It's not a pirate party, Milo. We're on vacation.

You should wear something tropical.

Arg! Don't be jealous of me booty.

(SINGING) Jealous jealous Jealous jealous jealous!

I'm not jealous of your booty, dingus.

Well, then stop pooping on my poop deck.

Cool your jets, boys.

All I know is I am super jazzed that we were able to hire

the perfect boat for the party cruise.

It has everything...

arcade, bowling alley,

-trampoline room, pony rides... -(NEIGHS)

...rock-climb wall and ice cream bar.

But how am I supposed to have a good time if you don't have any clam dip?

Oh my gosh, Clamantha! We totally forgot your clam dip!

Milo, we need you to keep an eye on the boat

while we get Clamantha's clam dip.

Toodle-oo!

Aye aye, Captain!

Party cruise!

Everybody, let's go!

Get in our lousy good-for-nothing boat.

(ELEPHANT STAMPEDE SOUNDS)

I wish we could've afforded better,

but somebody didn't make enough at the bake sale

because they decided to eat all the cookies herself.

Were those cookies worth it, Tamara?

Were they worth it?

Hold on, Coach.

Look at that stupid fish with that fancy boat.

We should totally steal it.

Good eyes, Glen.

Mary Anne, you know what to do with our lousy boat.

(BEEPS)

Halt, all ye who go there!

Only fish allowed, I'm afraid.

So says the captain.

Me.

Hey, great pirate outfit.

That's what I've been saying.

Yeah, and you know what would look even better?

Two eye patches.

(GASPS)

Genius!

MILO: Oh yeah! The double eye patch!

-(LAUGHS) Arg! -BEA: Um, Milo?

MILO: Now I'm twice the pirate I used to be!

OSCAR: Uh, bro, where's the ship?

-(BOAT HORN BLASTS) -Thar she goes!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Stupid fish!

Enjoy your party of pity and sorrow,

and also your afterparty of tears and anguish! (LAUGHS)

-Afterparty! -(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

What?

I ruined the party cruise.

I was gonna go wild too.

Jocktopus smash nerd fish!

Not if I eat him first!

-(WHIMPERS) -Hey, hey, hey, come on.

This isn't Milo's fault.

It's the geckos.

(BOTH GROWL)

(SIGHS) If only we had a boat to chase down our boat.

But where are we gonna find that?

I just had an idea. We should go right to the Hokey Poke.

Oh right,

because the Hokey Poke is a boat.

Yeah! No, 'cause I want a hamburger.

Wait! The Hokey Poke is a boat?

Hey, I just had a better idea!

ALL: Arg!

Chief, I, Captain Milo,

am commandeering this vessel in the name of justice.

Fine with me, long as you order something.

-Hmm, I'll have a cheeseburger. -(DING)

The ship is yours, kid.

-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) -(RUMBLING)

(SCREAMING)

Now, let's get that ship back!

Jocktopus, take her out to sea, matey.

-(GRUNTING) -PIRAHNICA: Heave, ho!

Heave, ho! Heave, ho!

Or I am breaking up with you!

Albert, Jumbo,

a sea shanty.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

You know, you don't have to do this, Milo.

I do have to do this, Bea.

You and Oscar worked so hard to make that boat awesome for everybody

and I just let 'em steal it.

It's my fault it happened, and I'm gonna make it right.

(SHOUTS) Hey, Clamantha, you see anything up there?

Unfortunately not a gecko in sight, Captain!

Hi, Oscar, I'm up here...

all alone.

(GROANS)

I know which way they went.

-Whoa, you know how to read... -(CRASHES)

...those expensive instruments?

The only instrument I need

is my captain's gut.

And it says...

Hey, Bassy! Can we get some apples over here?

Thank you. You're a doll.

M-milo?

Uh, guys?

What are these?

Double the ooh, double the eeh

Double the ooh, oh!

Somebody smile...

Follow that skin!

(GRUNTS)

Arg!

Now, this be living.

You feel this warm sea breeze?

Wait. Warm winds from the east combining with cold winds from the south,

barometric pressure dropping,

all combines to form...

The perfect storm.

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SCREAM)

We've got to tie ourselves to something sturdy!

(SCREAMS)

Like Koi.

Whew! That's better.

(ALL SCREAM)

(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

Is that all you got?

Is that all you got?!

(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Guess that's all you got.

Yeah, I'm not afraid to talk smack to water.

We appreciate how fierce you are in the face of water, Milo...

Mm-hmm.

...but we need to turn back!

This is too dangerous!

And Jocktopus's sticky things broke.

-Oh, we're broken up. -(SNIFFLES)

I said I would get that cruise ship back.

And I will...

(EMPHATICALLY) get that cruise ship back.

All right, mateys, let's get moving.

Milo, it's over.

We're tired. We're hungry.

Who ordered the special?

Okay, we're not hungry, but we're sick of this.

We know you feel bad about losing the ship, but it's okay.

We forgive you.

But I don't forgive myself!

Come on, guys. We can do this.

Man your stations!

(ALL MOAN)

So... it's mutiny, is it?

How dareth you?

I be your captain!

If me crew will not come with me,

then I shall go it alone.

Fish overboard.

(SPLASHES)

ALL: Milo!

Which one of you kids is paying his bill?

This was definitely the right decision.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

-Oh man! -(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm never gonna find those geckos.

(BOAT HORN BLASTS)

What I should do is hitch a ride back home on that ship.

(GASPS) Oh my gosh! That is our ship! Yes!

Okay, but how am I gonna get close to them?

Think, Milo, think!

It has to be foolproof.

Yoo-hoo! Hey, boys!

Who wants a smoochie from a pretty mermaid?

(GIGGLES)

Look, Coach.

It's that dumb fish we stole the boat from.

He looks like an idiot.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, let's bring him aboard, so we can mess with him.

Yoo-hoo!

Ah!

(MUTTERS)

(BABBLES)

Ha ha!

It is me, Captain Milo,

and I am commandeering this vessel!

Or we can bash you with these sticks,

like you are pinata.

Yeah, we hit him in the fins.

That way he can't swim.

Hey,

aren't you supposed to be blindfolded when you hit a pinata?

-Da. You know, rules are rules. -(CHATTER)

We should probably play by them, yeah?

Arg!

-(GECKOS YELL) -Hot dawg!

(SINGSONG VOICE) I got the cruise ship back

I got the cruise ship back

Curse you, fish!

We will get you during the next holiday break

or possibly three-day weekend!

OSCAR AND BEA: Milo!

Milo!

He's been gone for hours. Where could he be?

I think I see something!

-(BOAT HORN BLASTS) -BEA: It's Milo!

-ALL: Hooray! -BEA: All right, Milo!

I told you I would get the ship back safe and sound.

No!

I ruined the party cruise...

(CRYING) again!

All our hopes and dreams are at the bottom of the sea.

It's gonna be okay.

(SOBS) How?

We're fish. We can breathe underwater. Remember?

Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that!

-Hot dawg! -BEA: All right, Milo!

Hooray!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) You make me go step, girl

With my head in a whirl

(NEIGHS)

Look out below! Whee!

Step, girl, let's never be apart

When you're here beside me...

(BOAT HORN BLASTS)

Um, could somebody please untie me?

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

(WILD WEST MUSIC PLAYING)

(WOLF-WHISTLES)

(CATTLEFISH MOOING)

MILO: I'm a cowboy!

I'm a cowboy! I'm a cowboy! I'm a cowboy!

Bea, Bea! (WHISPERS) I'm a cowboy.

-Whoo-hoo-hoo! -That's great, Milo.

I'm a cowboy. I'm a cowboy. I'm a cowboy.

I am the greatest cowboy

to ever live.

Yeah, everyone's a cowboy today.

It's a cattlefish drive, you dingus.

I am a cowboy, I am a cowboy!

Milo, this here is a cattlefish drive, not musical theater.

(MOOING CONTINUES)

Anyhoo, I just wanna thank y'all for taking your Saturday

to help me move these cattlefish to my Uncle Jojo's ranch.

He's my brother from another mother,

that being the mother of my mother.

He's my uncle, but he's also my brother.

-Wait. What? -Y'all ready?

-Yeah! Whoo-hoo! -Yeah!

Sounds good.

Cattlefish, ho!

(WILD WEST MUSIC PLAYING)

Hyah! Get along!

So, does anyone else think it's weird

that we're fish but we're riding fish and we're driving fish?

What is the delineation between fish who speak

and fish who moo?

Uh, cattlefish smell like farts.

(GRUNTING)

-(MUFFLED YELL) -I love cattlefish drives!

I get to spend time indoors!

I'm driving a wagon because I'm not allowed to drive a car anymore.

Yee-haw!

(LAUGHING)

Oh my!

(SIGHS) I wish I could've gone on that trip.

Uh-oh. Looks like we got a stray up yonder on that ridge

having a feeding frenzy.

I'll fetch her, Bo.

I can use the lasso tricks I learned for a role

where I was roping scorpions.

-(YELPS) -Step aside.

World's best cowboy coming through.

Lemme show you how it's done.

That's right, watch a pro. I got this.

Yee-haw! I'm a cowboy!

Oh. Let's try this again.

Whoo! Oh. Whoo! Oh. Whoo! Oh.

That did not happen!

Whoo! (GRUNTS)

Oh look, free dental floss.

(BUZZES)

Spinach?

I never eat that.

Whose mouth is this?

Bad news, Bo... this lasso is defective.

Hang on, Milo. Let me give this a shot.

Moo.

(GRUNTS)

Yee-haw!

Whoo! (GIGGLES)

-Wow, what a cowboy Bea is. -Bea, you're an inspiration to us all!

Oh, you're so good at that.

I could've done that.

(WHINES)

(MOOING)

Y'all keep y'all's eyes peeled for cattlefish-poaching critters.

-(RATTLING) -Snake! Snake!

Snake!

Oh, my gosh! It's great to see you guys!

Die, reptile scum!

-(YELLS) -Huh?

Quick! Bite it and suck out the poison!

Uh, Milo, that's not what you're supposed to do.

Ow! That hurts! Ow!

Ding dang darn it, Milo, I hired that snake as a bodyguard.

She were the only thing holding back the raccoons.

-(MOOS) -(LAUGHS)

Well, I guess that's why we have extras.

Man, if I didn't know I was such an awesome cowboy,

I might have started to think I wasn't such an awesome cowboy.

You're supposed to tell me I'm such an awesome cowboy.

Come on, say it.

Milo, a cowboy without a cow

is just a boy.

(CRIES)

(HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYING)

-JUMBO: I'm so hungry. -I could eat a whole pizza.

I need food. (GROANS)

Hey, Oscar, how's that grub coming?

Almost ready, Bo. Good trail food takes a hot minute.

Ooh! Eeh! Ooh!

(WHISPERS) Now is my chance to help!

Oh.

(CHUCKLING)

Milo, what are you doing?

Oscar, you don't understand.

I'm a desperado.

I need to do something to prove I'm a good cowboy.

Touching my spoon is not gonna prove anything about you being a cowboy.

No! I'm gonna do it! Let me help!

No, Milo! Back off!

-(LAUGHS) -Milo!

Come on, Milo! Milo!

BOTH: Uh-oh.

Well, I guess its dirt soup for dinner.

OSCAR: Way to go, dingus.

MILO: (CRYING) I never meant for it to turn out this way!

(DISTANT HOWLING)

Enjoy your dirt soup, people.

Make it last.

It's all we got.

Um, it's just dirt and water.

(SLURPS, SMACKS LIPS)

You can really taste the dirt. (GAGS)

Oh, none for me, Bo.

I don't think I deserve any delicious dirt soup.

Not after the right mess I caused.

Milo, it's okay.

It's not okay.

Just let him go, Oscar. Let him go.

And here's a second serving.

Go ahead and eat it.

I'm just gonna stand here and stare at you till you do.

(SLURPS)

Now, that's a good boy.

-(MILO CRYING) -(MOOING)

Excuse me. (GRUNTS)

Gal-pal cows, I got a problem.

(MOOING)

(CRYING) I'm... a bad... cowboy.

-(COWS MOOING) -(MILO SOBBING)

I know, I know.

I wouldn't believe it either.

Pity chocolate, Pamoola?

One for you, Moogaret.

Esmooranda,

Moorene,

Moozanne,

Elismoobeth,

Moolani,

Moobarbara,

Emooly,

Moojennifer,

Moochrissy,

Kimooly,

Moonique,

Moonica,

Mookeisha,

Mooqueisha,

Moolisa,

Moochelle,

Moonika,

Moolie,

Ann Moolia,

Camooran...

and Jill.

This whole thing probably would've gone smoother

if I'd never come along.

Moo! Moo!

Oh, thank you, Mookeisha.

You're a doll.

You know,

it's a beautiful night.

The moon is out.

Oh, maybe things are just starting to turn around for cowboy Milo.

(FRIGHTENED MOOING)

What in tarnation?

(SCREAMING)

(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

-(JINGLES) -(MAKES KISSING NOISES)

-Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. -(MEOWS)

Hey, I know what would cheer everyone up...

If I did some improv.

MILO: Stampede!

-(MOOING) -(BOTH SCREAM)

Oh no, they're headed straight for the end of the tank.

-(TAPPING) -(GLASS CRACKING)

(MOOING)

And... they're out.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) They may or may not also be filled up with pity chocolate.

I don't know. Does it matter?

Quick, get y'all's ropes and Watersuits and stuff.

What? No, I'm only a cook!

(MOOING CONTINUES)

(GRUNTS) Oh, come on!

Come on, get back here!

So much for being a gated community.

OSCAR: Food! Food!

Cattlefish wanna follow me for some food?

(LAUGHS) Stupid fish in stupid apron!

I vote we just give up.

(FRANTIC MOOING)

-(ROPE CRACKS) -(GRUNTS)

I'm only one fish! I can't catch them all! (GRUNTS)

Moo!

Well, it looks like the real cowboys have it under control.

-(OSCAR SCREAMS) -I guess I'll just

m-m-mosey on home.

Oh man!

All I wanted to do was be a real cowboy.

But instead...

I'm just a real disappointment!

(SOBBING)

(MOOS FRANTICALLY)

Moo! Moo.

(CATTLEFISH MOOING)

(GASPS) Bo, look!

Milo, I don't know what you're doing, but keep it up!

Hey!

Oh my gosh!

Are you guys drinking up my tears?

(MOOING)

Oh, my goodness! I actually did something right!

I'm gonna cry again, but this time

it's tears of joy!

(CRYING)

Come on, y'all, get back in the tank.

I did it!

That there was some darn fine cowboying.

(GASPS) Really?

I was talking to the little lady.

What you did was unnatural and strange.

But the cattlefish are okay,

so you're all right too, I guess.

-Moo? -Aw shucks.

Well, another two days' ride till we reach my Uncle Jojo's farm.

Oh, we're here.

I always get them days and seconds confused.

Hey, what in tarnation's all that racket out here?

(MOOING)

Oh, hey, you brought the cattlefish.

I'm proud of you, son-nephew.

Sorry, they're a bit banged up.

Oh, where these cattlefish are going, it don't matter none.

(WHIRRS)

(GASPS)

Oh, now don't be scared of my receipt cutter.

Y'all want a receipt, don't ya?

-Sure d... -So, where are the cows going?

They're going to that happy field over yonder.

Yup, these cattlefish always produce fine milk,

regardless of a little trail rust.

(SNEEZES, BLOWS NOSE)

But I reckon they'll be milking here for a long, long time.

(MOOING CONTINUES)

Oscar, I'm not ready to say goodbye to them yet.

I feel like I just got to know them.

I have to admit,

I do enjoy having so many mouths to feed. (LAUGHS)

(CATTLEFISH MOO)

Yee-haw!

I'm a cowboy!

SNAKE: Ooh, a fortune teller!

-Can I try? -Sure, pick a number.

-Okay, six. -One, two, three, four, five, six.

"Mouse will become famous." Nice. Pick another number.

-Four. -One, two, three, four.

"Mouse will live in a mansion."

-Uh, how about two? -One, two.

"Mouse will be rich."

Mouse, are any of those fortunes about me?

Hmm. Oh, here's one.

"Snake has impeccable taste in friends."

Ooh, neat!