Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

-(SONG BEGINS) -One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(SONG ENDS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

So, this woman gets out of the car.

Then she closed the car door.

And finally, when she got into her house,

the woman realized

the man she'd been married to for 20 years

never liked her shoes!

Or her friends!

Or her hairdo!

(YELLS) Or her!

(WHIMPERS)

(LAUGHS)

Oh my. That was really about my friend Patricia.

But don't worry. She's a survivor.

(LAUGHS)

Students, this has been the best school retreat

I have ever led.

Now, who's next? (LAUGHS)

Me!

Once... there was a ghost named Dan

and he had a sister named Ann!

(SHRIEKS)

Oscar, can I tell you something that I've never told anyone before?

Yee-es!

I love camping!

Oh.

I just love sitting around the campfire with friends,

telling stories, being one with nature.

-(MILO HUMMING NERVOUSLY) -(BEA SHRIEKS)

Milo!

Hey, who blew out the candles?

-(GRUNTS) -Whoa.

-If you even try to put... -(CONTINUES HUMMING)

Milo, you little rascal,

what are you doing?

I'm trying to keep us alive!

-Oh no. -Here we go again.

Because right now in this forest

a camper-eating monster is on the loose!

They call him...

the Yeti Lobster!

Rawr!

MILO: (MONSTER VOICE) I'm gonna eat you up and then I'm gonna digest ya!

Rawr!

And then I'm gonna dump you in the woods!

'Cause I'm scary! (YELLS)

But, Milo, everybody knows the Yeti Lobster isn't real.

Wh... wh... wh... what?!

He is so too real!

I know because I met him.

(MIMICS FLASHBACK NOISE)

It was back when I was an adventure baby.

(GRUNTS)

(GIGGLING)

-La, la, la, la. -MILO: I was on a late-night stroll,

you know, doing what I do.

-La, la, la, la. -...And then I ran right into...

-the Yeti Lobster! -(ROARS)

-(SCREAMS) -MILO: That sucker took my sandwich!

(GROWLS)

So, I had to use my super-slick escape moves!

(MIMICS FADE-IN NOISES)

And that's what happened.

Milo sweetie, we've been over this.

Sometimes we let our imaginations get the best of us.

Yeah. Remember when you woke up and thought the dryer was talking to you?

-(DING) -It wasn't.

But I wasn't imagining this time!

The Yeti Lobster is a bloodthirsty beast!

Oh yes, he is a bloodthirsty beast

in our minds and in our hearts.

Now, who wants to have a campfire sing-along?

-(LOUD GROWLING) -(ALL SHRIEK)

It's the Yeti Lobster!

Rawr, rawr!

ALL: Randy!

Pincherson! (CACKLES)

You see, Milo? No Yeti Lobster.

Just Randy being a jerk.

Now you just need to relax and try to enjoy yourself.

Come on, let's toast you a marshmallow.

-(GRUNTS) -(BOTH SCREAM)

(ROARING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

It's the Yeti Lobster!

Run, students!

Run for your lives!

(SCREAMING)

(ALL PANTING)

(PANTS) Now, that was good cardio.

Is everyone all right?

Uh, no. A monster just tried to eat us.

I am so scared right now.

(PURRING)

(GRUNTS) Wow, who would've thought...

(CLAMANTHA GROANING)

Who would've thought the Yeti Lobster would turn out to be really real?

I know! Milo, you were totally right about everything.

Milo?

Oh my gosh!

Where's Milo?!

Bea?

Oscar?

Koi.

All right, all right. If I'm gonna find my friends,

I have to stay calm and focus.

(STOMACH GROWLS) Man, am I hungry.

(GASPS) A honey tree!

(SLURPS)

Mm, it's pure.

Honey, I'm home! (LAUGHS)

Wait! I'm stuck, I'm stuck!

(SOFTLY) Milo? Where are you?

Do you think the Yeti has Milo?

Hmm. Probably.

Hey, wait a second. This is an apple seed.

Milo is always covered in apple seeds.

On account of he adores apples so well?

Right, Bo Gregory.

There's a whole trail of them.

You guys, we just found Milo tracks.

(ALL CHEER)

(GRUNTING)

It's hopeless.

How's a guy supposed to save his friends when he's stuck in a honey tree?

(GROWLS)

Did I just hear something?

(GROWLING)

Ahh!

-Hey, I'm out! -(GRUMBLES)

(SCREAMING)

(YELLING)

(PANTS)

I'm outta here.

(SCREAMS)

Ooh-ho. Thorn in my foot.

(GROWLING)

(WHIMPERING)

Okay, just make it quick.

-Huh? -(YELLING)

Wait a minute.

You just fixed my thorn condition.

(GROWLING)

So, Yeti Lobster? Are you gonna eat me?

Huh-uh!

Oh, cool.

(CLACKING)

(GRUNTING, YELLING)

(LAUGHS) Yeah, oh, I know how an itchy back feels.

So...

what do you do for fun around here?

(GROWLS, YELLS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(VOCALIZING)

O.M.G.

That's Milo's helmet!

The Yeti Lobster has Milo!

Without his armor, Milo is defenseless!

(SOBBING)

JUMBO: Why?

It appears the Yeti coated Milo in a delicious honey glaze

and went off to eat him!

I bet he'll have leftovers.

Oh, poor little Milo.

That's it! We are going to hunt down that Yeti Lobster

to either save Milo,

or to avenge his death.

ALL: Yeah!

-(GIGGLING) -(GROWLING, YELLING)

Yeah!

Say, Yeti, I just remembered something.

Back when I was a kid, you showed up and took my sandwich.

-What's the deal, brother? -(YELLS)

(GASPS)

Good golly!

Yeti, you make beautiful art out of food!

(YELLING)

Oh, that's me!

And you made me out of my own sandwich.

And that's you made out of potato salad.

(FLIES BUZZING)

(YELLS)

You're lonely, aren't you?

(CLACKING, GROWLING)

I guess it's hard for a Yeti Lobster to make friends.

Hey, hey! I know!

You should meet my friends!

They are going to (SINGSONG VOICE) love you.

-OSCAR: Here! -(YELLS)

They're over here!

Oh, hey guys.

Milo's alive!

Everyone get the beast! Get the beast!

No, no, wait, guys. I have some news.

(YELLS)

Lightning bolt, hoo!

Guys, stop!

That's right. Teamwork, children!

(ULULATES)

Whoa.

COACH SALMON: Get the hairy beast!

We have him now. It's time to end this.

-(CRASH) -Ooh! Owie, owie, owie!

Bea, are you all right?

Owie! I've got a thorn in my fin.

Ooh, she's a goner.

(YELLING)

(SCREECHES) Stay back!

It's okay, bro.

Yeti Lobster is here to help.

-What? -Shh.

Hey, he fixed it.

So, now is the Yeti Lobster gonna eat us?!

I'm confused.

No, the Yeti Lobster is a chill dude.

I thought that he was a camper-eating monster,

but he's not.

He just has angry face.

(GROWLS)

You guys, we have to be careful before we rush to judgment on fishes

'cause it could have some serious consequences.

(YELLING)

Okay. I think I'm ready to go home now.

(ALL BIDDING FAREWELL)

Bye, Yeti. Sorry we tried to kill you.

I'll write you every day, Yeti Lobster!

(GROWLS, CLACKS)

(UPBEAT SCORE PLAYING)

(MUMBLES)

(CLACKING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(TUNE PLAYING)

I'm so excited about this movie I'm gonna throw up!

I already threw up three times!

I am so excited! I won't let what you just said upset me.

Wizards are the new vampires. Super-hot.

I think I'm getting a rash from this makeup,

but I don't care 'cause I'm so excited.

Rawr!

Zerpity, zerp zerp. Zerp, zerp, zerp.

This isn't just gonna be a movie.

This is gonna be a life-changing experience.

Wow, what a bunch of nerds.

(ALL GASP) Randy Pincherson.

The one and only!

Randy, if you ruin this movie for us, so help me...

-I will... I will... -Cool it.

I'm just here to watch a stupid movie with a bunch of nerds.

I ain't gonna do nothing.

Cross my heart.

Randy, this isn't a stupid movie.

This is a movie of our generation.

Relax, sweat hog, I says I ain't gonna do nothing. (CLACKS)

Oh, you're gonna do something.

Milo, Randy's gonna do something.

Hey, Randy, are you gonna do something?

I ain't gonna do nothing.

It's okay, Oscar. He said he ain't gonna do nothing.

Oh boy, it's startin'!

(INTRO MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Young Mr. Puffer,

I as headmaster of this Magic School

assure you that I am not

the evil wizard.

PUFFER: Yeah, dude, I know, you're like uber-good.

HEADMASTER: Yes, I am

most certainly good, not at all evil,

though I am a wizard.

Would you like some cake?

The headmaster of the school is really the evil wizard in disguise!

-(CACKLES) -He did something!

I'm Randy Pincherson!

(SLURPS, CRIES)

I threw up three times from sadness.

Oh my gosh, that was so not cool.

(GROWLS) Bassy, I need another milkshake to wash away the pain!

(WHIMPERS)

(GROWLS)

Man, I cannot believe Randy broke his promise like that.

Oh, I can!

I am so mad, guys!

That crab is gonna pay!

He spoils things all the time with no regard for our feelings!

Oh, secret sandwich, what will you be today?

-Ham. -Randy!

Happy birthday.

(CHUCKLES) I wonder what it could be.

-It's a harmonica. -BOTH: Randy!

(SNORES) Huh? What? What the...?

-You're having all girls. -Randy!

It's time we give him a taste of his own medicine.

We're gonna spoil something for Randy!

-Who's with me? -(ALL CHEER)

Sweet.

Hey, Randy, pretty funny joke you pulled last night,

you know, spoiling that movie.

That wasn't a joke. I was just being mean.

It's kind of my thing.

(GROWLS)

So, on an unrelated note, any movies coming out

that you're looking forward to, specifically the ending?

-Well, there was one. -What was it?

Not telling.

Actually, I don't want to know.

You don't, eh?

Well, this just became your unlucky day!

It was called Space Crab: Captain of the Stars.

It had everything...

action, adventure, more action,

and best of all,

it starred a crab...

Johnny Space Crab!

Ha, ha! (CLACKS)

The only thing that stunk about it is

I never found out who Johnny Space Crab's father was.

They never made a sequel because everyone is a stupid idiot like you.

See ya.

(CACKLES)

We're gonna make sure you see that sequel, Randy Pincherson.

Okay, fish people.

Places everyone.

-(KOI GRUNTS) -We got half a movie to make here.

Space Crab: Captain of the Stars 2.

-Half a movie? -That's right.

We're only gonna make enough of it to get Randy good and excited.

That way, when I jump out and spoil it,

he'll feel the same pain I felt that day.

-Ooh, ooh, what's my job? -Publicity.

Make sure Randy really wants to come see this movie.

Grandma, I told you the stains will come out.

Just use a whole lot of bleach and then burn whatever's left over.

Ooh!

(FANFARE)

GRANDMA: Randy, the cops are coming.

Holy cow!

Zerpity, zerp, zerp, zerp!

Oh wow!

They finally made Space Crab 2!

You gonna go see it, Randy?

Nah, I'm not going to that thing.

Sequels always stink.

It's not gonna stink.

Sure it will. Look at the poster.

There aren't even any explosions.

Explosions? Ah... ha.

(GASPS) Shark from Jupiter!

Nice try, Jupiter Shark,

but no one is going to stop me,

Johnny Space Crab,

from finding out who my father is.

It is my mission in life...

who my father is.

Oscar! Trouble!

Talk to me.

Oscar, Randy won't see the movie unless it's got explosions.

Then we gotta give the audience what the audience wants.

Grandma, get all the boxes out of the warehouse.

I heard there's gonna be a big bust later.

Whatcha watchin', Jerko?

The new trailer for Space Crab: Captain of the Stars 2.

But you wouldn't wanna see it.

Nobody tells me what I wouldn't wanna see.

JUMBO: Johnny Space Crab is back!

See? What'd I tell ya? Lame.

JUMBO: And this time he's bringing some friends.

Whoa! His friends are explosions!

So, I'll see you opening night.

No way, it's all one note.

I like violence,

but if I'm gonna shell out the money I stole from people,

it's gotta have variety.

I want snails in bikinis.

Huh.

Why do people only want me for my body?

Pretty good, but I'm not seeing any llamas.

(LLAMA HUMMING)

I hope Johnny Space Crab has a new ship.

I'm a spaceship.

Zoom!

-Looks a little low-budget. -No, no!

It's got a cast of thousands.

We need a cast of thousands.

What class is this for again?

Never mind.

Anything else you need?

I need to see this movie as soon as possible!

I'm buying out the whole theater.

That's a wrap, everybody!

(ALL CHEER)

All right, guys, when you see my flashlight,

that means it's time to jump out from behind the screen

and spoil the ending for Randy.

-It's gonna be great! -(CAR HORN BEEPS)

It's show time.

Places, everyone.

-(CACKLES) -Hi, Randy.

Out of my way, fish sticks.

Right this way.

Reserved, huh?

Nobody tells me what to do.

Sit wherever you like,

my precious angel.

(SCORE PLAYING)

Yeah!

This is awesome!

Come with me, Johnny Space Crab,

(CHUCKLES) and I will tell you who your father is later.

Man, special effects today. Wow!

Yes, yes, invest your hopes and dreams,

so I can crush them.

Gonna do it. (CACKLES)

Gonna give the signal.

(GIGGLES)

I'm so excited I can hardly see straight.

This movie represents all my hopes...

(OSCAR'S VOICE) My dreams.

This movie means everything to me.

We're the same.

It's the greatest moment of my life!

Wait. I can't ruin this for Randy.

Just look at him.

What is this emotion I feel?

It's like... it's like an emotion.

Psst.

(CLACKING)

Oscar, what's the hold-up, bro?

Are we crushing this guy's hopes and dreams or what?

I can't do it, guys.

Dude, the little creep deserves it.

I know, but if I do this,

I'm just like Randy.

We have to let the movie finish.

There's just one problem:

it can't finish.

We never shot an ending.

Ooh, what are we gonna do?

Uh, we'll perform an ending live.

Fish, you crazy.

Grab your costumes. Grab the other actors.

We're on in 30 seconds. Chop, chop.

I need a five-letter word for "Italian circle."

Hey, Dad. Movie time. Can't explain.

-Zippity zap. -Spaghetti?

Excuse me, Randy. The rest of the movie's in 3-D.

Enjoy the show.

-Wa-cha! -Aw, I hate 3-D.

There's never any difference.

Wow! What a difference!

(ALL SCREAMING, CLAMORING)

(MIMICKING LASER BLASTS)

Zippity zappity zerp.

(YELLING)

-Pa-choo! -Got me.

Ah, ha, ha! Got you!

Oh no! Laser death ray!

(GROANS)

Oscar, how do we end the movie?

I'm working on it. Just keep fighting.

Rahh!

(NERVOUSLY) Ha. Fighting.

Still fighting.

Uh, what's happening?

Help, I can't see.

Where am I?

Phew, oh that's better.

-Dad! -Dad?

It's over. He knows it's fake.

Johnny Space Crab's father is Space Trooper Number 7?

That's amazing!

Uh, that's right.

Johnny, this is your father.

Of course.

That's my daughter.

Everybody knows that. (LAUGHS)

Johnny Space Crab is a... a girl?!

Uh, do you like that?

I love it!

The end!

I never would've seen that coming.

Best movie ever.

Two claws up, way up!

Who knew those bozos in Movieland could produce something like this?

Actually, Randy, it's more of a local project.

Hey, hey, hey, Randy, it's us.

Wow! You guys made this masterpiece?

We could make more of them,

but you have to agree to never spoil

anything for anyone ever again! Ever!

Well, if it'll get me another of these babies,

I promise on the Pincherson family claw.

Yes!

MALE VOICE: (ON COMPUTER) Coming soon

from the people who brought you Johnny Space Crab 2.

It's Johnny Space Crab 3:

Return of the Crabs.

I'm so glad you returned.

-Me too. Let's go out. -No.

Oh, Mouse, the movie premier is tonight

and I have no idea what to do with my hair.

Should I wear it up? Or maybe in pigtails?

Or maybe in corn rows?

Oh. Or maybe in a bouffant?

Or a Brandon Bubbler?

Or a punk-y look.

Ooh, how about an afro?

Or a ponytail? Oh, what do I do?

Ah! I love it.