Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(BIRDS SINGING)

Hmm? (SCREAMS)

And that, class, is what happens when you pull my finger. (FARTS)

Are there any questions? Milo, go ahead.

Mr. Baldwin, yeah, I was wondering

how come male seahorses can get pregnant?

Oh, look at that. Uh...

It's time for Oscar's morning announcements.

-(ALL GROAN) -SHELLSEA: Seriously.

(GROANS)

Come on, Milo. Maybe today's the day that he finally pulls it together.

-(CHIMING) -Um, good morning, Freshwater High.

My name is... Whoops!

Or... maybe not.

Today is...

Uh, my name is Oscar.

Today is March 17th... 7th.

Monday.

OSCAR: There will be a five-minute wrestling meeting during lunch.

Please bring your own... lunch.

Uh, this is a reminder: don't chew gum in school.

Auditions will take place during 8th period.

If you're interested, stop bly the b...

Stop bly the... stop by the Bland office.

And now for today's lunch menu!

-Ow! -Wow. Could he be any more pathetic?

Yeah, he's like the Hunchback of Notre Lame. (LAUGHS)

-Someone needs to help him. -Eh.

(GASPS) You're absolutely right!

Because of my natural talent for entertainment,

it would be a crime if I didn't show Oscar how to fix his show.

Well, Oscar, you really knocked that one out of the park.

Hey, Oscar.

Hey, Bea. Catch the announcements this morning?

Pretty informative, huh?

Oh, it was very... informational.

Anyway, I'm here because I'd like to help you up your production value.

You know, add a little pizzazz to the morning announcements.

Oh, uh, that's really nice of you, Bea,

but this is kind of a hard-hitting news show.

Oscar, I am all about news.

All I want to do is tweak a few teeny, tiny things

to make the show more watchable. What do you say?

Hmm, what do you think about this, brain?

OSCAR's BRAIN: Oh! She's totally hitting on you. Go for it.

Whoa, this just in!

Student newsfish closes in on girl of his dreams.

Uh, I mean, sounds great. What do we do first?

(SINGS) Makeover!

Bea: No, Oscar. Don't mess it up!

Now remember, just read everything I've written on the cue cards.

And good eye contact with the camera.

-Got it? -Got it.

And cuing fabulous new intro in three, two and one.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh, guten tag, Freshwater High.

I am Oscar and these are your morning announcements.

-BEA: Oscar, turn to camera two! -Oh, yeah. Ahem.

Today's lunch is meatloaf sandwich, with your choice of soup or salad.

Your choice. You choose!

You know, usually the announcements make me really tired,

-but today I feel sort of neutral. -Yeah.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

So you don't think the change of format will upset anyone, do you?

I'm pretty sure we just blew everyone's minds.

Finberley, how did you like the announcements today?

-Oh, definitely better. Much better! -(KOI GRUNTS) Better!

Wow, I've never actually gotten a compliment before.

Yeah, this is good.

But you know, we shouldn't just settle for compliments.

We should shoot for praise.

Oh, uh, okay. How do we get that?

Hmm. (GASPS) What if you had a co-host to play off of?

A pretty co-host.

-A co-host? Well, I don't know about... -Hey, I could be your pretty co-host.

-Okay, yes, I love it! -(SQUEALS)

Ah! Hey, Bea! Your favorite co-anchor is here.

Are you ready to... What?

Uh, am I in the right room?

Hey, Oscar. I'm just going over the schedule with Jumbo.

-He's going to be the new stage manager. -(GIGGLES) Peace.

-What did you do to your... -It's show biz, Oscar.

You've got to look good for the people.

I went ahead and updated the set. Isn't this great?

Ten seconds, Bea.

(GASPS) Oh my gosh! We're about to go live.

What? Already?

Duh! We have to start early so we'll have time for the new segments.

New segments? Okay.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, everyone! What's the shimmy shimmy? I'm Bea.

Oh, I'm Oscar.

And this is Good Morning Freshwater.

Good whata fresh huh?

We've got a busy show for you today. So let's get down to "bid nit." Oscar?

Oh, okay. Um...

Last night the Freshwater track team suffered a defeat

in their meet against the turtles of Shellton High.

Speaking of running...

Yesterday I ran into my girl Shellsea and she had the cutest new handbag.

-Hey, Shellsea. Shout out. -Woot, Woot.

And now, here's Milo, to talk about what's been getting under his gills.

Milo has a segment?

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

-Thanks, Bea. -(TICKING)

What is the deal with vampires?

And that's what's getting under my gills. Back to you, Bea.

Thought provoking. Thanks, Milo.

(SQUEALS) Well, um, if you're missing a purple hairbrush

You can find it in the lost and found box located in the health office.

That's great. And now, here's Albert Glass with today's Bunny of the Day.

Thank you, Bea. Um, this bunny, her name is Sniffy.

And she's really soft. (GIGGLES)

-Aw! -Lame.

Aw, isn't she too cute, Oscar?

Yeah, I know. Bunnies are great.

Okay, moving on. For those of you who...

-(HORN BLARING) -(SCREAMS) What was that?

(GASPS) Oh my gosh!

It's time to pick today's Kerploppity winner.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Everyone, pull out your game cards.

Koi, Clamantha, take it away.

-(GRUNTS) -Good luck, everyone!

(CLAMANTHA GROANS)

-Thirty-six! -I won!

Next up, we have Jocktopus with some fitness tips.

(GROANS)

(CHEERING)

TWINS: Good Morning Freshwater rules!

Oh! What a marvelous performance show you have created.

Oh, Oscar, this is totally great!

I was thinking tomorrow

we could have Shellsea come on and talk about fashion.

Uh, Bea, I'm worried we're starting to lose focus.

Today you did a 15-minute story

on which boys in school have the dreamiest eyes.

And I don't know who your sources were,

but I felt there were a lot of inaccuracies.

The point is,

there were a lot of important announcements that I didn't get to.

But, Oscar, everybody loves the show now.

So no one knows the lunch specials

or when computer club is having a bake sale. It's no big deal.

BEA: Nobody actually cares about that stuff.

(SIGHS) Maybe you're right.

Maybe everyone would just like the show better if I wasn't in it.

-What? That's not what I meant. -No, no, it's okay.

I'll see you tomorrow, Bea.

And so who really knows how much wood a woodchuck chucks

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

(SIGHS) And that's what's getting under my gills.

-Back to you, Bea. -Thank you, Milo.

Well, that's it for today.

See you tomorrow right here on Good Morning Freshwater.

JUMBO: And cut! That's a wrap, Bea.

-(CHUCKLES) Nice job. -Bye, Jumbo.

-Lady, you were on fire today. -Thanks, Milo.

But it was all just phenomenal acting.

I still can't believe Oscar quit.

Without him it's like there's this big, sweaty piece missing.

Oh, don't worry about Oscar.

-Come on, let me get you a kelp shake. -Yeah, okay.

Maybe a chocolate kelp shake will help me

forget what a terrible show-stealing friend I am.

It will. (GASPS)

(ALL GASP)

The cafeteria is closed today?

That is correct, girl with the red hair.

The cafeteria is closed for repairs. There are men with big hammers in there.

And that is why you are all to have packed your lunches.

What? How were we supposed to know that?

Easy, the tall, sweaty kid

was told to report it on his morning time news thingy.

-Oops. -Fishington, away!

-BEA: Uh... -(CRASHING)

Okay, so I know we're all very hungry.

But the thing we mustn't do is panic.

(SCREAMS) What are we gonna eat for lunch?

I'm gonna starve if I have to wait till dinner!

Oh, why does this always happen to me?

-(ALL SCREAMING) -No, no, no, calm down.

(SCREAMING)

Hey, everyone, I just found this half-eaten granola bar I had.

Maybe we can split it so everyone can share.

That girl has food! Get her!

(SCREAMS)

(CLAMOR)

(CLAMANTHA GROANS)

Uh, Clamantha, are you okay?

Oh, come here, you little drumstick.

(ALBERT SCREAMS)

-Oh, this is all my fault. -(MOANS)

Milo, why are you looking at me like that?

Milo hungry!

-(SCREAMS) -Come here! Come here!

Huh? Food! Yes!

(BOTH GASP)

(GASPS) Oscar!

Fear not, Freshwater. There's plenty of food to go around.

Sweet!

Oscar, I had no idea you could fly a helicopter.

Yes, well, apparently I can. After I left,

I realized I didn't get to report the cafeteria being closed announcement.

So I borrowed the morning news chopper and grabbed some food.

Well, you shouldn't have to do any of this.

I got carried away with the whole show, Oscar.

I never wanted you to leave.

Well, breaking news, Bea. Everyone makes mistakes.

And in a related story: Friends forgive each other.

Well, Milo, I'm pretty sure that will be the last time

-I ever take anything overboard again. -Girl, you're crazy.

And hey, you did show Oscar how to make his show more entertaining.

Today's lunch special is spaghetti and meatballs!

(CLAMANTHA GRUNTS)

Thirty-six!

Man, this game's rigged.

(PARROT SQUAWKS)

BEA: High school. It's a tough time for a teenage fish.

Sometimes it's like life is kicking you around.

And it seems like no one understands you.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

Mr. Baldwin, we don't understand you. This is math class.

BEA: That's why every teenage fish needs a friend.

Someone you can tell all your secrets to.

Someone who will listen and never judge you.

Of course, I'm talking about...

(SINGS) My diary!

(RANDY BREATHES HEAVILY)

Randy, what did I tell you about respecting my personal space?

I couldn't help but notice you writing in your diary.

Randy, mind your own beeswax.

Were you writing about how handsome you think I am?

Or how much you admire my manly claw?

Or how much you want to go on a date with me?

I wouldn't date you in a million years!

That sounds like a yes.

Goodbye, Randy. I'm going to turn around and ignore you now.

You may have won this day, Bea.

But one day you will be mine! I'm Randy Pincherson.

-(ALARM WAILING) -STICKLER: Attention students.

Brush alarm! Brush alarm! Brush alarm, students! This is not a drill!

(ALL SCREAM)

(HUMS)

(GROANS)

(SCREAMS)

(ALL SCREAM)

(HUMS)

(CLAMANTHA GRUNTS)

(GROANS) All clear.

MILO: Brush alarm.

Boy, that was crazy.

I can't wait to write about it in my diary.

Oh my gosh! Where is it?

It's missing! Huh?

-Hmm, looking for this? -Randy, you found my diary.

Not only did I find it, I found it.

Oh, what a relief! (SINGS) So, thank you...

Hm! (SINGS) ...for finding it.

(STRAINS) You can let go now. Hey!

Uh, uh, uh. Seems like this book is pretty valuable.

And since I did you a huge favor, you owe me one.

What do you want?

I want you to take me to a fancy dinner.

Just the two of us.

It'll be... (SINGS) magical.

I am not going to dinner with you. Just give me back my diary.

Uh, uh, uh. I'll give it back to you after our date.

(GAGS) I think I just threw up a little.

Already working up an appetite, eh? What a woman.

Bea: Well, here we are, Randy.

-So where's my diary? -Don't worry, Bea. It's in a safe place.

-At my house. Waiter. -Yes?

-It's time for the reveal. -Yes.

Speechless? I was too the first time I saw it.

I think the artist really captured my likeness,

especially my rippling biceps and chiseled crab abs.

Now everyone will know of our epic love.

Oh, what an obnoxious statue.

That poor girl must have really low self-esteem to date a crab like that.

Yes. Her social ranking will totally plummet.

-Like, through the floor. -(LAUGHING)

I hope no one else sees me.

Bea, are you on a date with Randy Pincherson?

Ladies.

Oh, Bea. This is so...

I mean, you and him.

And you and... Why?

Oh, I taught you better than this.

(GASPS) I can explain!

Explain nothing! Because Bea here knows that being with me

is like being caught in a fiery love storm with a 90 percent chance of romance.

(GAGS)

I think I just threw up again. In my mouth.

This situation is totally giving me a rash.

Come on, girls. There's a clearance on ointment at Fishmart.

-(GIRLS LAUGHING) -No, wait! I'm doing this for charity!

Oh, this day can't get any worse.

-Bea! -(GASPS)

-Steve Jackson? -(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(HYPER-VENTILATES)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Fancy meeting you here!

Yeah, I saw you over here and thought we could have

a deep conversation about our feelings

but I can see you're on a date so I guess I'll leave you alone.

No, Steve! Steve, I'm not on a date.

Except that you are on a date, with me, Randy Pincherson.

Oh, that's cool. Dates are cool.

I'll respect your privacy. Have fun, you two love birds.

I'll just find another girl to have a deep conversation with.

-Hey, Finberley. -(FINBERLEY WHIMPERING)

This... is... it!

I'm sending out a distress signal.

Oscar and Milo, wherever you are, help me!

What's Bea doing now, Milo.

Dude, she looks like she's having the time of her life.

Look, she's crying tears of joy.

Why are we spying on Bea again?

Because if anyone knows Bea, it's me.

And she'd never agree to go on a date with Randy Pincherson.

-We've got to get to the bottom of this. -(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Hey, it's an urgent text message from Bea.

It's probably nothing. Delete.

No, wait, Milo! What does it say?

OSCAR: "H-lep me Milo.

"Randy Pincherson has my dairy. It be at his house.

"You gots to get it for me pulls. Later skater."

What do you suppose it means?

It means that Bea is being blackmailed by Randy.

-Quickly, Milo, to the Oscar mobile. -Pachew!

(SPY MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, Milo, remember, we can't be seen by anyone.

Did you wear the camouflage like I told you?

-Milo, what is that? -You said camel-flage. Huh?

It's perfect, bro.

All right, Milo. The coast is clear.

-Remember, be quiet. -Quiet. I got this.

(ROARING)

(SCREAMS)

Shh.

(BARKING)

Randy's got dogfish guarding this place!

We've got to do something. Quick, Milo,

-find something to throw at 'em. -Uh...

-Hm. That's it! -What?

(SCREAMS)

-(OSCAR GROANS) -Good idea, Oscar.

You distract the dogs while I search for the diary. Pachew!

(LOUD MUNCHING)

Hey, aren't you gonna eat your lobster? That stuff's not cheap you know.

Come on, guys. Hurry up.

Hmm, if I were a diary, where would I be?

It's got to be in here somewhere.

Maybe I can ask this creepy old statue.

Hey, statue, where's the diary, man?

Randy, is that you?

Whoa! It's a mummy! Get away!

Oh, Randy. It's your dear old Grammy Pincherson.

Uh, okay.

Say, Grammy, can you tell me where I keep my diary?

Of course. But only if you help me clean my dentures.

-Bleurgh! -(SCREAMS)

I'm Grammy Pincherson.

And now, smile for the camera.

I promise I won't text it to too many people.

-(RANDY KISSING) -(GROWLS)

That's it! I am so out of here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you gonna write about this in your diary?

BEA: Oh no, Randy's had it the whole time.

I can't do this anymore, Randy.

Nothing is worth all this humiliation.

Your funeral, babe.

I'm gonna read your diary in front of the whole school.

(LAUGHS) I'm Randy Pincherson.

Oh, no! (SOBS)

Bea! Bea, we got it. We got your diary.

Oh my gosh. What happened to you guys?

We had to do things. Unspeakable things, to get it.

-Here you go, Bea. -Oh, thanks, guys.

Wait, if Randy just left with my diary, then what's this?

Wait a minute. (GASPS) Randy's diary?

We can totally use this!

If Randy thinks he can embarrass me tomorrow,

he's got another thing coming.

RANDY: Ladies and Gentlefish.

I called you here today to read you something very exciting.

Last chance, Bea.

Go on another date with me and I'll call this all off.

Hey, start the movie already.

And this is your last chance, Randy.

Be a better man and give me back my diary.

Hmm, no.

All right, let's get this party started.

You know her as Bea Goldfishberg,

The girl next door that everyone loves to love.

-Aw! -It's true.

-CALAMANTHA: Adorable. -It is so true.

But today you will know her some more.

(GASPS) Say it isn't so! Go on.

I give you Bea's Diary... Exposed.

(CLEARS THROAT) "July 31st. Dear diary..."

(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

BEA: Ladies and Gentlefish.

What's going on here?

In the tradition of Bea's Diary Exposed,

I give you Randy's Diary Exposed.

-(ALL EXCLAIM) -You go, Bea!

And to read several passages, I present Grammy Pincherson.

Hello there, young people.

(CLANGS)

Miss Bea here says you've been a bad boy, Randall.

Let's see what she's talking about.

(CLEARS THROAT) "June 30th. Dear diary,

"My armpit barnacles are out of control."

-Oh, Randy, I gave you soap for that. -(AUDIENCE GASPING)

"I also like it when my Grammy sings to me."

No!

Oh, there's nothing wrong there, such a good boy.

-(LAUGHS) -That's hilarious!

Stop! That's enough!

-You gonna give me my diary back? -Never.

Then you may continue.

"Today I stole the diary of Bea Goldfishberg."

Now, Randy, I thought I taught you better than that.

-That is just rude. -(AUDIENCE BOO)

Hey, that's not true.

You are so dead, you little creep. Come here.

SHELLSEA: Sha.

-JUMBO: You can't steal a girl's diary! -(AUDIENCE BOO)

-Boo! -Boo!

-Had enough, Randy? -(RANDY GROANS)

I believe you have something that belongs to me.

-Oh, take it. -My baby!

One day, Bea, I'll show you. I'm Randy Pincherson! Ouch.

I'm glad that's over.

I am never gonna write in a diary again.

-Oh, good for you. -Everything's online now anyway.

MOUSE: I've got to tell you, there's a lot of benefits to being a mouse.

When you're small and fluffy, you can get anything you want.

-Observe. -(COOING)

Oh my gosh, you're right. Here's a cookie.

See? You'll never have it as good as me

'cause you're long and clammy and not cute.

Wow, I had no idea.

I guess I'll just have to give all this stuff back.

(SINGS) Sorry, boys.

SNAKE: Party's over.