Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

-(SONG BEGINS) -One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

MAN: Ow!

Now, let's be reasonable. (GASPS)

-(LAUGHS) -(RATTLING)

JOCKTOPUS: Better get a coat. It's snowing.

Get it? (SNIGGERS) 'Cause your head looks like a...

Like one of those, um... snow-globey things.

-(LAUGHS) Your head. -Poor Albert.

It's not his fault he's all pale like that.

I'm tired of our freedom being trampled by guys like Jocktopus.

This is our school, too!

Yeah, we need to fight for it.

-Let's take it back! -Yeah, take it back!

Whoo!

Too bad he'd totally crush us if we tried.

Totally. Uh, where's Milo?

Hey, Jocktopus. We need to talk.

-(JOCKTOPUS LAUGHING) -BOTH: Milo, no!

(GROWLS)

Look, you've got to stop that, okay? It's not cool. And furthermore...

-(MILO SCREAMING) -BOTH: Milo!

Anyone else wanna give Jocktopus criticism?

-Anyone? -(MILO SCREAMS)

(SIGHS) What's the point of being so awesome

if I can't even protect the ones I care about?

If only I had the power to set things right.

(DISTANT YELLING)

(CLAMOR)

(CHEERING)

It looks like some kind of fight. The good kind!

-Give up. -You give up.

-I will not give up. -Well, you should,

because I will not give up.

Keep dreaming, dreaming that I will give up,

because I will not give... (YELPS)

-RED NINJA: Okay, fine. I give up! -(SIGHS)

(CHEERING)

Dude, you got mad skills.

Who are you? What are you doing in my bowl?

Oh! Oh! Let me hold your sword.

No, you will shame it with your touch.

And I already live with enough shame.

Tell me about your shame.

This sword, Little Timmy, was forged by my master, Big Timmy.

He swore me to use it to protect the weak and avenge injustice.

But instead, I just fight here for money and sport.

Truly, I am pitiful.

No, what you are is lucky.

Lucky to have met me,

because with you as my sword of righteousness,

we will usher in a golden age of peace at Freshwater High.

Seriously, who are you again?

(JOCKTOPUS LAUGHS)

Oh, look at you now!

You're all lit up like a big, dumb light bulb light.

(LAUGHS)

Wow, the whole school's turned out for this taunting.

And yet, no one came to my last play.

What is wrong with you people? You support violence, but not the arts?

Dude, who's next?

-(FISH WHIMPERING) -(FARTS)

Oh, come on, people. Someone deserves to get whupped.

-MILO: I'd say it's you. -Huh?

-Not again! -Say goodbye to your face,

'cause Jocktopus has eight friends who want to meet it.

(KISSING)

This one is Jocktopus's favorite.

Well, I brought along a friend too.

What, is that supposed to scare Jocktopus?

Jocktopus isn't scared of anything! Even spiders.

Jocktopus, now I'm gonna give you one warning, all right?

Just walk away, okay? Become a better man.

You get punched now! Ha!

-(CLANGS) -Ow!

(GROWLS)

-(JOCKTOPUS GRUNTING) -(CLANGS)

-(WHIMPERS) -MILO: Jocktopus,

I think you need a little time out to think about your bad behavior, mister.

What? Where are you taking Jocktopus?

(CELL DOOR SLAMMING)

They've got me in lockup, Mama.

(EXCITED CHATTER)

-Shellsea: Yeah. Yeah. -FISH: Good job.

You really did it. You stood up to Jocktopus.

And you brought a cool, mysterious boy with you. (GIGGLES)

Mr. Milo, sir,

I would personally like to thank you and your pet ninja for saving me.

Oh, no thanks necessary, little man. Your bright smile is enough.

(LAUGHS)

-So, you feeling less shameful? -Oh, for sure.

Good, 'cause we have lots more work to do.

There's a new law in town. A handsome law.

-A new law named (SING-SONG) Milo! -(CHEERING)

And that, class, is why paper clips are

so very, very interesting.

Milo, what in the world are y--

Mr. Baldwin, I'm just making sure everything is peaceful and just.

Well, that's wonderful, Milo.

I'm sure you and your little friend can keep track of that at your seat.

Now, where was I? Oh, that's right.

Class, it's time for a pop quiz!

-(YELLS) -Oh my gosh!

Pop quizzes really freak me out.

(WAILS) It's just not fair!

The injustice! The injustice!

What's going on?

(SCREAMS)

Milo, am I going to have to bring out the glue again?

No, sir, Mr. Baldwin.

The only bottom that'll be glued down today is the bottom of injustice!

Giving out surprise pop quizzes ain't fair to the students.

Now you need a time out.

What's going on here? Wait! I want my lawyer.

Don't I get a phone call?

(CHEERING)

-Nice one, bro! -Justice has been served.

-(CELL DOOR SLAMMING) -That's it!

Next week, I'm looking for a new job!

So then, you won't believe what Steve Jackson said.

-(GRUNTS) -(WHISPERS) Steve said...

Now, ladies, the only thing secrets are good for is hurting other kids' feelings.

(CELL DOOR SLAMMING)

-(SNEEZES) -Sneezing spreads germs.

(CELL DOOR SLAMMING)

-Good morning, class! -Your voice scares everybody.

(CELL DOOR SLAMMING)

-You're sharp and pointy. -(CELL DOOR SLAMMING)

(ALL GRUMBLING)

So, what are you in for?

Milo reckoned that I might fall down while I'm talking

and hurt someone with my teeth.

(GASPS) Really? Me, too!

Look at how peaceful we've made Freshwater High.

Everyone is completely safe and sound, thanks to us.

(WESTERN SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERS)

Phew.

-(SCREAMS) -Albert,

do you know what could've happened if you would've ran into me just now?

I might've stumbled into someone else,

then they might've stumbled into someone else

and that second someone might've stumbled into the president

that may have been visiting Freshwater for some odd reason.

And now do you really want to be responsible

for the president maybe getting stumbled into?

-Huh? -(CELL DOOR SLAMMING)

Now, you think real hard about what you did.

BEA: And just what did he do, Milo?

Albert is the nicest, most well-behaved kid in school.

He is reckless, all right?

I saw it, and I have to do what is best for the students.

You mean these students?

(ALL YELLING)

Well, technically, some are faculty.

-(SCREAMS) -I'm free! (GIGGLES)

(GROANS)

-(SCREAMS) -Yay!

-What are you doing? -I'm setting things right!

What? No!

(MILO GRUNTING)

-(MILO GRUNTING) -(SMASHING)

-(MILO GRUNTING) -(SMASHING)

Just so you know, you're doing me a real favor throwing me off the shelf.

Stop it! Stop! You're undoing everything!

I'm the sheriff. The sheriff says stop.

Ninja, to my side!

Yeah, you should totally come see one of my plays sometime.

I like your eyes.

-MILO: Ninja, I need you! -Call me!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Oh, goody, you're here.

Okay, put Oscar in a bowl, because he's being a bad boy.

Look at what you've become, Milo.

OSCAR: You're a bigger bully than Jocktopus.

It's true. Jocktopus was never this bad.

This was supposed to finally be my year to shine.

The light in this tank makes my skin look dreadful.

I need room to boogie! (GRUNTS)

I don't even go to this school.

What have I done? Ninja, stop!

-So, should I just chill here? -Give me your sword.

-Okay, go get it. -(CAT YOWLS)

I see now that I was wrong, just so very, very wrong.

I... I mean, I was a dreamer, a dreamer with a cool ninja.

MILO: But I realized I don't need a ninja to make everyone's lives better.

I just need my friends.

And an invincible robot army!

We'll create a world of peace and lasers!

(ALL GRUNTING)

I'm glad that's over.

Yeah, it's nice to see things back to normal.

Whoo-hoo! Jocktopus forever!

(LAUGHING)

Hey, who's up for some food at the Hokey Poke?

-You read my mind. -It is a power we ninjas have.

-Really? -No.

-Oh. -Come on. Let's pick some up for Milo too.

Hmm. I'm gonna need some curtains in here.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRD SQUAWKS)

(SCREAMING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

-(DOORBELL RINGING) -Milo, Oscar,

who's up for some fantasy football?

Huh. That's strange.

-(CLATTERING) -OSCAR: That's it, Milo!

-I'm so over it! -BEA: Guys?

-Oh. Hey, Bea. -Milo, wha... what's going on?

I'm just making my sandwich, and Oscar went into a rage for no reason.

Gotcha! I need to introduce you to somebody, Milo. Here is Señor Broom!

-I hate Señor Broom. -How dare you?

You must now face the wrath of... Señor Tickle!

(GASPS) No! Not Señor Tickle!

-You guys... -(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(SCREAMS) You're crazy! Get away from me!

-Tickle, tickle, tickle! -Stop it! I can't get any cleaning done!

-(LAUGHS) -This isn't fun for me!

Well, cleaning isn't fun for me!

(MILO AND OSCAR GRUNTING)

Foul on the play! Unnecessary fin roughness!

-Whoa! It really is a mess in here. -Thank you.

-Milo, are you leaving a trail? -(SQUELCHING)

Yes, ma'am. Been working on that one for weeks.

Ugh! This is, like, so bad. I have to text a picture to Shellsea.

(PHONE CLICKS AND BEEPS)

-SHELLSEA: Ew. -I know. Right?

Now look, I'm sure there's a way to work this out.

I don't believe there is, Bea.

It's pretty clear to me that Milo is impossible to live with!

Oh, yeah? Well, so is Oscar,

and Señor Broom and Señor Mop and Señor Squeegee! Ha!

Whoa, guys. What are you saying?

I'm saying something that needs to be said.

(GASPS) So you're saying that you wanna...

(GULPS) break up?

Uh, yes! I don't need this brothers ring anymore.

(RING CACKLES)

You know what? That is fine by me.

I cannot do us anymore, either.

Too many of your stupid rules.

And you're always whining like a big baby.

That's it! Pack your toothbrush and please get out of my sight.

Ha! You could never throw me out.

I quit! I don't need this.

I don't need that. I don't need you.

You're wearing my underwear, Milo.

Yeah, but I need these.

Milo, I just cleaned that door.

(SCOFFS) Finally.

-Ooh. Hi, Milo. -Who does he think he is?

Milo, what are you doing in my room?

-(CLAMANTHA SINGING) -I'm gonna find me a new house

and a new brother and live free and wild.

-Ooh! -(SNIFFS)

Shoo! Go away!

-(WOLF FISH GRUNTS) -(SPLASHING)

(BELCHES)

(GASPS) That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Mud-bath! Whoo!

(GASPS)

There's more of you? Finally, I'm home!

You can be my new family.

I'll call you Uncle Pendleton. Thank you for your warm welcome.

Sister Prudence. Oh, your good eye is lovely. (LAUGHS)

Oh, oh! Brother Thomas!

(BOTH GROWL)

(SING-SONG) Good news, Oscar!

We have a lot of qualified boys in line.

(GASPS) Great! It shouldn't be too hard to find a more suitable roommate.

(SHOUTING) Number one, Albert Glass!

Hi, I believe I will be a delightful roommate.

I am clean and quiet.

My favorite activities are reading, thinking... and breathing.

Basically, you will think I am not here.

A very strong speech.

If you don't mind please, pardon me.

(GULPS)

Next.

Jocktopus needs a new roommate 'cause he broke his other one.

Next!

-Hope you don't mind if I milk my Bessy. -(MOOS)

-Next! -Mr. Man... tha?

-I have a mustache! -Nice try, Clamantha. Next!

-I... -BEA: Next!

-OSCAR: Next. -BEA: Next!

(HORN HONKS)

(GASPS) Steve Jackson?

You're the coolest guy in school. Of course I'll let you move in.

-What, are you kidding me? -Hey, that's awesome. (SPITS)

BEA AND OSCAR: Clamantha!

I'm glad that you recognized me anyway, honey pie. Now, that is love.

BOTH: Next!

Don't give up, 'cause I will find the perfect roommate.

We need more fliers and more boys!

(SIGHS)

STICKLER: Hello, are you still accepting applications?

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMS)

-Principal Stickler? -Good afternoon, Oscar.

Fishington, the application.

Wow. I like your calligraphy. But don't you have your own house?

Of course I do, but I just finished disinfecting it

and I can't risk contamination!

-Keep talking. -I encased it in plastic!

Oh... my... gosh. Thank you!

But wait, I can't live with my principal.

Well, I can't let any of my students live in such roach-infested filth!

Fishington, cleaning mode now!

You filthy germs, get out of my way!

Attack! Attack! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

-(GASPS) -Much better. What do you think?

What do I think? What do I think?

This is awesome!

-(SONG BEGINS) -(SINGING) Oh, I found a perfect roomie

Who could be a perfect buddy

-Together we make a lovely pair -Whoo!

(SINGING) We clean the house together

We're obsessive-compulsive forever

We share everything, except everything

What a wonderful thing, he cares

(SINGING) Oh, I found a perfect roomie

Who could be a perfect buddy

-Together we'll make a lovely pack -(ALL HOWL)

We splash all day together

And we bounce all day, forever

We stalk and hunt and share everything

What a wonderful thing, attack!

Who said roommates are no fun?

Counting down from four to one

-Four! -Three!

-Two! -(GROWLS)

Oh...

(SINGING) I found a perfect Roomie

Who could be a perfect buddy

-Together, whoo! -We're newfound bestest mates

Yeah, I found a perfect roomie

Who could be a perfect buddy

-Life is good, and life is great -And life is great

-Time to rejoice and celebrate! -(SONG ENDS)

(ALL HOWL)

(SNORES)

-(WIND WHISTLING) -Oscar, turn off the A/C.

(GLASS SQUEAKING)

"Once, long ago, there was a fish,

"and he was the best and cleanest roommate around.

"The end."

(TEETH CHATTERING)

I don't need your fireplaces or sleepy-time stories.

I have all the warmth and comfort I need right here.

(SHIVERS)

-(MILO GROANS) -(CRASHING)

(BUZZES)

(LAUGHS)

-You don't like this show? -That really depresses me.

Do you know how many diseases and germs one fly can carry?

But it's just a silly show.

And how fast they can produce babies?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) But... But he's not... He's not a real fly.

He's just a fish in a fly costume.

(BUZZES)

-Now, throw me. -What?

Throw me at him now! This is our only chance to attack him!

-I don't know what you're talking about! -(SMASHING)

Oh! What have I done!

We got him! Great job, Sergeant Oscar.

-(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) -(CRACKING)

-Uh-oh. -(SCREAMS)

Sea urchins can regenerate their spines. Fooled you!

(CHUCKLES) Gets 'em every time.

What kind of monster did I invite into my house?

(TEETH CHATTERING)

W-What kind of house did I invite myself to live in?

With monsters.

Okay, some food'll warm me up.

No way! Ketchup? Well, that'll have to do.

Just kidding.

-Milo, you're hilarious! -(SMASHING)

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

That is just so much warmer already. Mm-mm-mm, feels good.

-(GROWLING) -Oh! Ah!

Uncle Pendleton, what are you doing?

It's... It's me, remember? Your new bro. (CHUCKLES)

(GROWLS)

What, what, what? No way. You're gonna eat me?

Oscar would never try to eat me.

(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)

What are you doing, roomie?

Nothing unusual. Just doing an epic cleaning.

You're... You're destroying my house!

That's what my last landlord told me.

I am so sick of people not appreciating my job!

Look at how perfect Fishington is after I epic cleaned her!

-(SCREAMS) -Take a good look

at those detailed vacuum marks.

(CHUCKLES) I love myself!

Wait! I missed one thing! (MENACINGLY) You.

(SCREAMS)

-(WHIRRING INTENSIFIES) -Oh, no!

-(METALLIC PINGING) -My braces!

(GROANS) My eyes!

-Oh, I wish Milo was here! -(DOOR CLOSES)

Man, I wish I was here too.

-Milo! -I'm about to get eaten by Wolf Fish!

-(MILO AND OSCAR SCREAM) -Oh, no!

Well, I'm about to get sucked up by Stickler!

I guess this, this breaking-up thing was a bad idea, huh?

Yeah, and I guess there is such a thing as too clean.

You know, I'd rather live with your rules than my filth any day.

Well, then here comes Señor Broom!

Oh, man, not Señor--

(GASPS) Our brothers ring!

(RINGS CACKLE)

Let's say we slide down to the Hokey Poke

and get ourselves out of this mess.

You've got yourself a deal, brother.

(GROWLING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hey, Milo, Oscar, did you guys make up so we can hang out?

-(GROWLING) -I'm gonna clean you!

(ALL GASP)

-You want a piece of this? -I'll just come back later.

MOUSE: O.M.G. Those fish are really emotional, right?

Yeah, that was quite a fight Milo and Oscar had.

-Glad we don't fight like that. -We sure don't. We fight like this!

-BOTH: Hi-ya! -(GONG CLANGS)

(BOTH GRUNT)

-That's not how we practiced it! -I'm so sorry. I have disgraced you.

MOUSE: Nah. I'm getting used to it.