All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E19_English

So I was on my way
to meet Bennett for dinner,

and there's this squirrel
in the street,

just running free, so I yell, "Squirrel,"

and swerve 'cause I don't want
the poor fella to be road kill.

Don't worry, he scampered off just fine.

But to answer your question,
no, there's no one named Stu here.

All right, now I've recorded
everything Ellen just said.

You ready to see how we turn this into

a really cool prank
using my soundboard app?

-I don't understand Da-da.
-I'm hungry.

Perfect. Let's do it.

ELLEN'S VOICE: Bennett,
dinner is almost ready.

Okay, honey. What are we having?

Road kill stew.

( Stan laughs )

That's just a funny
sorta name for it, right?

I mean, we're not having actual road kill.

Squirrel!

Squirrel? Are you kidding me?

No!

You mean, you're actually
cooking squirrel for dinner?

I found a free squirrel in the street.

Poor fella. Dinner.

( laughing )

Is this because I asked you
to spend less money on shoes?

So I got dinner.

No, no, no. We are not eating that.

But it's locally grown and organic.

Okay, you win. Buy all the shoes you want.

Yes! Wait, what?

Never mind. I don't care.
I'm gonna buy shoes.

You said buy shoes, I'll buy shoes.

( laughing ) Yeah!

He thought he was gonna eat squirrel.

You guys like that prank?

So can we eat the squirrel?

No, you guys don't understand pranks.

There is no squirrel.

I wanted squirrel.

Why can't we have squirrel?

Are you mad at us?

( crying ) What did we do wrong?

( puppies crying )

Okay, okay. I'll get you a squirrel.

Yay!

What's a squirrel?

There is no end to the fun
I'm gonna be able to have

with my soundboard.

I can't wait to mess around
with some of the things

I caught Robert saying.

Robert, you deleted it?

Always one step ahead.

( theme music playing )

Knockity-knockity.

You don't knock and say,
"Knockity-knockity."

( scoffs ) Amateurs.

Look, Karl, one of your drones
crashed in our yard.

-You can't prove it's mine.
-It says Air Fink One on the side.

I am glad you're here,
because I am bursting with news.

I have a girlfriend.

What the what? You have a girlfriend?

Who is she? What's her name?

Her name is... made up.

I made her up so you think I'm cool,

but I'm not, so carry on with your day.

When you say "made her up,"

you don't mean built her
out of robot parts, do you?

Because after the last one attacked
a mall, I thought you quit.

Well, there really is no reason

for me not to tell you, is there?

So yes, I should?

But I won't. There's no such person.

Yeah, I have trouble imagining

how odd someone would have to be
to be your actual girlfriend.

Well, I wouldn't say odd just because
she dresses in black.

And is quiet. Very quiet.

A librarian.

An angry, angry librarian.

Yes, you don't want
to return your books late to her.

That's the gal for me.

Actually, now that I think about it,

maybe I do know a girl
who's right for you.

Oh, really? Who is
this enchanting creature?

You already have a girlfriend.

Max? What are you doing in Karl's...

Oh, my what the what?

Okay, fine.
You know. Karl's my boyfriend.

And apparently,
it's only a secret when I'm talking.

I'm sorry.

I thought it was best
if we kept it a secret for now.

You know how things are when you're in
a group of friends

and two of them start dating.
It ruins the whole dynamic.

Don't worry, we can still be friends
even if you guys are dating.

I'm actually glad that
you two got together.

I was worried that neither
one of you would find happiness

and you'd both end up becoming
super-villains and we couldn't hang out.

Super-villains? Huh.

I am pretty disappointed in humanity.

And I too have a pretty good idea
for a Doomsday machine.

TOGETHER: Power couple!

Good. You're all here.

I have something very special
for one of you.

-A new car?
-Premium channels?

Hugs for my favorite daddy.

That's how you get a pony.

So far, Chloe's winning.

I have one extra ticket to a huge,

once-in-a-lifetime event
at the museum this week--

Oh, just take Avery. You two always end up
at the educational things together.

I already asked. She's busy,
she has a school thing.

Can't attend something educational
because of school.

Is that ironic? No, really, is it?

I've never been quite clear
on what irony is,

which is ironic, maybe. I don't know.

So you graduated early, huh?

What this means is that
one of you can now go with me.

-Why not take Mom?
-What? Take Chloe.

I can't go. Who'll watch my pony?

Look, I only ask for two things in life:

one, no questions while
I watch Upton Carriage House--

-Those English accents--
-And two,

someone to go to the museum with me.

You guys figure out which one is going,
and tell me later.

We certainly will.

-We got it.
-CHLOE: Take Tyler.

( phone rings )

-Hello.
-Tyler, it's Tyler, from the future.

Oh, yeah, well, if you're me,

then what's my Buddy Bop password?

1-2-3-4-5-?

Whoa, the only people who know that

are me and my dog who
asked me that this morning.

( chuckling )

So what's my life like in the future?

-Okay.
-Yes!

Now do you understand
how pranks are funny?

I saw a butterfly in the window.

My feet smell like corn chips.

Well, we're getting closer.

So, Lindsay, there's something
I was dying to tell you,

but Karl and Max wanted
to tell you themselves.

Lindsay, I have a girlfriend.

And I have a boyfriend.

Well, that's a coincidence.

-Actually, I like Karl.
-And I like Max.

What about your boyfriend?
And your girlfriend?

So many people are being hurt.

Lindsay, I don't think
you're quite following.

I'm not just following,
I'm one step ahead of you.

The only way to make this work

is if your girlfriend
and your boyfriend get together.

I think we can pull this off. Hands in.

Max is dating Karl.

They're dating each other exclusively.

There's no other boyfriend or girlfriend.

Oh!

Eww!

Uh... aww!

I went through those stages, too.

But when two friends in a group date,
doesn't that make things weird?

TOGETHER: It's not weird.

( gasping, laughing )

Here's hoping that never happens again.

All right, TV night.

Two minutes until Liars Cove.

I can't wait to find out if Claudia tells
Asher she's falling in love with Raif.

The barista with a past.

Karl and I decided we don't wanna watch
Liars Cove tonight.

We always watch Liars Cove.

New tradition.

Max wants to watch The Shuffling Doomed,

so come on, let's watch
The Shuffling Doomed.

I can't wait to see
who's doomed and who's shuffling.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't just say, "New tradition,

"Max wants to dut-dut-doy."

You are paraphrasing me.
I want that noted.

My point is, Karl,
you should think for yourself.

I always think for myself,

and I want to watch...
say Shuffling Doomed.

Just Shuffling Doomed.

All right, we are ready for game night.
And we brought the games.

Thank you so much.

I know we usually do this at Lindsay's,

but Max and I were
so looking forward to hosting.

( gasps ) The hostess gifts
you brought can go here.

No? Okay. No worries.

We'll hold up our end.

Tonight we're going to play
the new Realm of the Tower video game

in honor of the upcoming
convention in the park, we can't wait.

But we always play one of these games.

I mean, Lindsay gets confused,
Max gets annoyed,

Karl accuses me of loading the dice.

Come on, tradition.

Wait, who gets confused?

-Take that.
-And that.

-And that.
-Finish it off.

( both growling )

That was delightful.

Yeah. I think I gotta get going.

So what do you all wanna do tomorrow?

You know what?
The rest of you guys have fun.

-I just wanna be alone.
-Yeah, me, too.

-Wanna go to my house?
-Totally.

Well, I'm still reeling
from no hostess gifts.

Who raised them?

Hey, Max, where's Karl?

Oh, that.

Yeah, we broke up.

Max, why did you and Karl break up?

When you guys walked out last night,

it was so obvious that our relationship

was ruining the dynamics of the group.

I told Karl we couldn't let that happen,

and the two of us
started to fight about it.

He said some things to me,
I said some things to him,

I gave him back his vial of vampire blood,

which was pretty clearly
just hot sauce in a bud vase.

And, well, it's over.

Are you okay, Max?

No, I'm not okay. He broke my heart.

I know you gave that to me
for my birthday, Avery,

but any heart that's
not shattered mocks me.

Tia, run. Don't ask why.

Run all you want, Tia.
We have fifth period together.

Max, it was one fight.

If you feel that strongly,
maybe you guys can fix it.

Well, if he came back to me
and apologized, I'd listen to him,

but there is no way
I'm going crawling back to him.

I feel terrible.

Max was worried that
dating Karl would mess up the group,

and when we walked out on them,
we proved her right.

We're the reason they broke up.

I'm gonna go talk to Karl.

Oh, no, Avery, I just remembered.

There's a blood drive on campus,
and everyone's getting heart stickers.

Cancel the drive, cancel the drive!

Chloe, I'm worried that you and your daddy
aren't spending enough time together.

Brainstorm! Maybe that museum thing
would be fun for you two, huh?

This isn't mani-pedi time.

It's a trap. Run for it, Chloe.

Chloe. As your mother,

I order you to go
to the museum with your father.

I think if this were
a thing you could order me to do,

you would've done that first.

Dang it.

Just for that, you have to brush
your teeth extra well tonight.

-I do that anyway.
-Dang it!

Hey, Chloe.

It's too bad you're
not going to the museum.

Bet there'll be
a lot of pretty girls there.

Pretty girls love art.

Smart pretty girls.

I've been down that road.

It's all fun and games
till one of us has to talk.

Tyler, I'm sure you have plenty to say

to a smart... ah, forget it.

You know what we should do
is come up with a plan

to trick Mom into going.

We can tell there'll be
a bunch of celebrities there.

She does love celebrities.

I've seen her run up
to seven different women yelling

"Amy Adams, I love you!"

Amy Adams?

Oh.

So it's too bad
you're not going to the museum.

There's a lot of celebrities there.

Yeah, smart celebrities.

It's all fun and games until they start
yammerin' on about melting icebergs.

TOGETHER: Dang it!

Karl, listen.

Karl, listen.

Max is really upset about the break-up.

She's upset, is she?

Is she carrying a candelabra in her hands?

Is she composing a toccata of misery
for pipe organ in D Minor?

( funereal organ music plays )

Is she wearing a gloomy cape?

Oh, be a lamb and hand me
that gloomy cape behind you.

Well, if you're as upset as she is,
you guys could get together again.

If you just go to her and apologize,

-she'll forgive you.
-Me, apologize?

Why doesn't she come apologize to me?

Finks do not apologize.

We grovel, we surrender, we flip-flop,

but we do it sans apology.

You are just as stubborn as Max is.

Well, if I'm too stubborn to apologize,
and she's too stubborn to apologize,

then our relationship is doomed.

Anyone who isn't
a complete dolt could see that.

You'll explain it to Lindsay.

As soon as I see her.

( phone chimes )

( Avery narrating )

BENNETT: But, Avery, I thought--

-Well, how did she know that--
-( phone chimes )

Okay, family meeting.

Listen, I wanted to tell you guys--

-I can't make it.
-I've got a thing that day.

My doctor says it might kill me.

You people.

Fine. No one has
to go with me to the museum.

( all sighing with relief )

I just thought you might enjoy

the greatest rock show
Pasadena will ever see.

Rock show?

Did you say rock show? I like rock shows.

Not just any rock show.

The rock show of the decade.

The Stones will be so close,
you can touch them.

-The Stones?
-Mm-hm.

The Stones?

( gasping )

Chloe, his is perfect.

The Rolling Stones
are Mom's favorite rock band.

Now she'll wanna go
and we're off the hook.

The Stones will be there?
And so close, I can touch them?

I tried that once and they threw me out.

Why are the Stones gonna be at the museum?

Probably 'cause they're fossils.

Tyler, there's gonna be
something there for everyone.

Let me say two words:

Volcanic rock.

-Volcanic rock?
-Mm-hm.

That sounds awesome.

♪ Volcanic rock! ♪

Suddenly, this sounds exciting.

This is great.
I'll get tickets for everyone.

Are you sure? It seems like
it's gonna be a really tough ticket.

I know the guy who stores the stones
in their velvet-lined cases between shows.

I am just hearing about this now?

AVERY'S VOICE: Stan is bad.
He's very, very bad.

Okay, yes, I drank from the toilet
before I licked you.

I did it once, we were having a fight.

Stan is hummingbird.
Short pants, carrot weasel.

Wait a minute.

-We pranked you, Da-da.
-( laughs )

You're a short pants carrot weasel.

You did it!
You pranked your old man.

Oh, boy. Here come the tears of pride.

Wait a minute.

Who are you calling
a short pants carrot weasel?

( girls laughing )

Oops. Better put this away.

TYLER'S VOICE: Hey, good-lookin'.
Thanks for the smile.

Oh, my gosh. Your brother just
called me good-looking.

It's just a recording of Tyler
talking to himself in the mirror.

It's a soundboard app.

Well, that's a little less flattering.

Wait a minute. This could be how
we can help Karl and Max.

They're both too stubborn
to apologize to each other.

What if we make them think
the other's apologized

using the soundboard app
while they're both

at the Realm of the Tower convention?

I think we can pull this off.
Hands in.

Avery, why is your dog
hands-inning with us?

-Do you see them?
-Yeah, there's Max.

AVERY: And there's Karl.

So does your soundboard guy

have the recordings
of Max and Karl programmed in?

Yes, and he has cut them
together seamlessly.

Max, this is...

( forcefully ) Karl Fink!

So who's your sound guy?

STAN: I am the dark of the dying

that envelops the dreams of the forgotten.

Nah, no, I'm just kidding.

I'm a regular soundboard guy.

Ooh, he sounds complicated.

Is he single?

Nope. Married. Couple of kids.

He doesn't make a lot of money,
so occasionally, I throw him a bone.

( laughs )

That is funny for reasons
I cannot tell you.

Let's go.

Lindsay.

Hello. I'm Max.

Max, you have wounded me deeply.

It will take someone with a poet's soul
and a silver tongue to win me back.

Max heart Karl.

Well, you make a good case.

Max, this is Karl Fink!

What do you want, Karl?

Karl Fink!

Okay, fine. What do you want, Karl Fink?

Karl Fink!

Stupid soundboard app.

It was working fine before.

Why did I upgrade?

Unless you're here to apologize,

I have nothing to say to you.

Perfect.

I'm here to apologize.

All I wanted was for you
to give me an apology.

I wanted to give you an apology.

Karl Fink!

Thank you, Karl.

Your saying that means a lot to me.

Your saying that means a lot to me.

Whoopsie.

Are you making fun of me?

No, no. Apology.

Apology, apology.

Why are you just standing
there staring at me?

Are you waiting for me to kiss you?

Fine, fine. Fine.

Okay, then, here I come.

You're sending me mixed signals.

Well, I've heard romance can be confusing.

How do so many stupid people do it?

So you've been standing there
awfully quiet for a while.

You don't want a kiss, do you?

Stupid people do it.

So that's a yes then?

It's gonna be easy to catch you.

You're kinda running like Lindsay.

She does run like the zombies
on Shuffling Doomed.

So we're back together?

Yes, because one of us had the courage
to accept an apology when it was offered.

BOTH: You're welcome.

I don't know what just happened,

but I believe a kiss
was in the air a moment ago.

Oh, look. Our plan worked.

They're gonna kiss.

BOTH: Oh! Ew!

Uh. Aww!

But why are they kissing
with the heads on?

Trust me. It's better this way.

Sir, that's my hat.

Sir, that's my hat!

( Stan narrating )

You left me locked in the tower.

A good thing I have this Rapunzel wig.

Now I just need to wait for my prince.

I thought we were gonna
see the Stones at a rock show.

Not the stones at a rock show.

"Igneous is bliss"?

I don't even know what this means,

but I know it's not funny.

I can't believe you let me go to a museum
dressed like this.

I told you you could buy
a sweatshirt at the gift shop.

Why would I do that?

Amy Adams gave me the thumbs up.

That wasn't Amy... Ugh, forget it.