All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E17_English

Well, I better head out.

I don't want to be late
for the competition.

Not just any competition, Son.

The BMX regional finals.

Three days of grueling
bike on boke action.

I read your poster,
and I think there's a typo.

You know, regional finalists
run in the family.

My great-great-grandfather
Elwood Steincrotch

was a regional finalist

in The Great Snake Oil
Selling Contest of 1892.

Swindled over 300 people in 90 minutes.

And that's why they say
"Never trust a Steincrotch."

Tyler, the point is
we are very proud of you.

You've worked really hard
and it's all paid off.

I know you're gonna do great,

but just to seal it,

I want you to have this.

This mixtape is good luck, Tyler.

I was listening to it
when Luke Mandell called

and asked me to the prom.

True, he thought he was
calling Ellen Jenkins

and not Ellen Jennings.

But then I told him I was Ellen Jenkins.

Never trust a Steincrotch.

Mom, I'm not going to the prom
with Luke Mandell.

I don't blame you.
I hear he let himself go.

Look, I got to get going.

I don't want to be late
for the competition

and leave my friends waiting.

Good luck, Tyler.

We're so proud of you.

Don't drink the hotel tap water,

it's not clean.

And don't drink the bottled water,

it's too expensive.

But drink lots of water.
It's good for you.

So, thank you

for choosing me over Luke Mandell.

Well, thank you for keeping it tight.

Wow, those three days went by really fast.

So did you enjoy the prom?

-I didn't go to the prom.
-( gasps )

Luke stood you up?

Come on, I'll go to the prom with you.

I don't care what people might think.

We'll walk into that gym and slow dance
right in front of that jerk.

Stan, I'm home because I didn't qualify
for the BMX competition.

I goofed off
and I didn't work hard enough.

I let everyone down.

I can't even show my face
around my teammates.

And I really can't let Mom and Dad know.

So what are you going to do?

Hide in my room
and watch cartoons on my phone

under the covers for the next three days

so Mom and Dad keep thinking
I'm a grown up.

BENNETT: Well, what did
the exterminator say?

Three days is the perfect amount of time
to flea bomb Tyler's room.

BENNETT: All right,
we just need to make sure

no one goes in there.

Yeah. We'll have to "flea" the premises.

You know, "bug" out.

Good one, Ellen, good one, Ellen.

That was a one-two pun...ch.

I may have a problem.

Stan, if I can't hide in my room,
where am I gonna go?

How about to the vet?
'Cause one of us has fleas.

Giving Tyler that good advice

about going to the vet made me think.

Now that I have my kids full time,

I need to start teaching them stuff, too.

And I'm not the only
new parent around here.

Right, Robert?

They are so adorable.

Are you setting up
a college fund for them?

Well, when were you going
to think about it, Robert?

( theme music playing )

Hey, Avery, I need your advice.

Yeah?

My friend Jules said
we weren't friends anymore.

Then after recess,
she said we were best friends again.

It's the third time she's done this.

Can't a girl monkey-bar it up
without all the drama?

Chloe, life is way too short
to have a best friend

to makes you feel bad.

That's not what friendship should be.

See, Avery, this is why
I come to you for advice.

You always take care of me.

Like the time
I accidentally broke the lamp

in Mommy and Daddy's bedroom.

When did that happen?

BENNETT: Chloe?

So, how do I play this?

So this is where you're gonna hide
from your parents for three days?

It's not so bad.
I made a nest from my clothes.

Chloe's tea set is down here.

Ooh, fake tea.

Ah, fake hot, fake hot!

So, what did you bring me?

Apple cores, banana peels,
and coffee grounds.

This is garbage. I can't eat this.

Well, not with that attitude.

Why couldn't you've brought me
something from the fridge?

'Cause I can't open the dang door.

It's my one weakness.

But I'm on a mission
to teach my kids stuff.

Maybe it's time they learned
the lesson of persistence.

So I rigged this
to open the refrigerator door.

Once you learn how to use
block and tackle equipment,

you can do anything.

Okay, I may need to learn how to use

block and tackle equipment.

Thanks for coming with me
to break up with Jules.

I want to be here for you.

That's what big sisters are for.

Plus, I have the core
temperature of a lizard,

and this gives me the chance
to sun myself on a rock.

I'm kidding. I'm just a slender mammal
who chills easily.

CHLOE: There she is.

All right, Just remember,

be firm and don't back down.

Go.

Hey.

STAN: O-M-Gosh, that's Dax,

the boy Avery has a crazy crush on.

Don't take my word for it.

Look, what happened a couple of days ago.

Wow, Avery,

you are really into those cookies.

No, I am really into the boy

who works at the cookie kiosk at the mall.

To see him, I buy cookies now and then.

I really like to see him.

His name is...

( sighs )

...Dax.

So what's...

( sighs )

...Dax like?

Do you guys have a lot in common?

Do you share the same interests?

I have no clue.

All I know is I'm a teenage girl

and he's stupid-hot.

I know you.

I'm not sweating. I mean "hey."

You're by far my best
and hungriest customer.

Nom-nom-nom. I also do celery.

Crunch-crunch-crunch.

It's cool our sisters
are such good friends.

I bet your mother
would love me, too-- What?

No, I just mean I'm the type of girl

whole families love-- Huh?

So I guess we can hang out
and get to know each other

while they're playing.

This is my chance with...

( sighs )

...Dax.

I can't let Chloe blow it for me.

Excuse me. Just one second.

There's something really difficult
I need to talk to you about!

( crash )

Sorry, tripped.

Anyway, before you say something
that you can't take back,

I may have been a Dax hunky.

I mean a tad hasty.

Okay. People can change.

The point is, you and Jules should
stay best friends forever.

Okay, Avery, if that's really
what you think.

Yes, I really think Dax.

I mean, I really think that.

I guess I just kissed his face.

I mean, spoke too soon.

How did I even get there from that?

Now run along and have fun with Jules.

I'll find some way
to keep myself occupied.

And then the bell goes off

and you take 'em out of the oven.

But first you put on the oven mitt.

I bet you only make that mistake once.

Why?

I don't know.

Can I put my finger in your dimple?

Why does everyone ask me that?

Let's go home.

I don't want to be friends
with Chloe anymore.

Oh, no, she's doing it to Chloe again.

Why did I push Chloe
to stay friends with this kid?

No guy is worth that,

even if he does look like

he was forged in a lightning storm

by Hephaestus's Hammer.

What's so funny?

Oh, I just thought of a joke
you'd never get.

Hilarious.

Well, I guess Chloe and I
should get going.

It's too bad they aren't friends anymore,

because I wanted to sketch you.

I'm kind of an artist.

You're an artist?

I'm an artist, too.

And I'm not just saying that
to make you love me back.

I mean, love me back.

Don't you just love me back?

Yeah, it's a nice back.

You really think so?

Too bad I got to take my sister home.

Maybe not yet. Give me a sec.

Hey, Jules, how about this time

you stay best friends with Chloe?

Maybe.

That's a really pretty bracelet.

It would look so nice on my wrist.

How can something so evil
have a brother that's so cute?

I'm back.

So the mailman needed
a signature for the package

so he rang the doorbell.

Bing-dong!

-And I was like--
-Hang on.

Did you just say "bing dong"?

Yeah, you know,
the sound a doorbell makes.

Where was I? Anyway, so the mailman was--

Honey, doorbells go "ding dong."

Not "bing dong."

Whatever. I've always heard bing dong.

Anyway, so the mailman was--

Who says "bing dong?"

I mean, name one person.

I don't know, I think
I've heard you say it.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I would never say "bing dong."

Relax.

You know the old expression,

You say tomato, I say potato.

That is not an expression!

Oh, Bennett, put a rock in it.

Baked?

BOTH: ♪ Fish sticks, fish sticks ♪

♪ Glitter and boys ♪

♪ If you like these things
Then make a little noise! ♪

Wha-whaaat?

Hey, my sister has that bracelet.

Well, not anymore.

Your sister gave it to me
so I stay friends with you.

Do you even like fish sticks,
glitter, and boys,

or is it all a filthy lie?

I'm so glad our sisters made up.

Me, too.

And I've finished my sketch of you.

See? 'Cause you're a girl,

and you like cookies.

Now draw yourself as milk, and dunk me.

I'm kidding.

Unless you want to.

Avery, did you give Jules your bracelet

so she would stay friends with me?

Excuse me.

I'm so sorry, Chloe.

But in my defense...

Hey, look how shiny I am.

Avery, you did this to me for a boy?

You're worse than Jules.

You're not my sister anymore!

If you throw in that necklace,

I'll be your sister.

Now, as family dogs,

part of our job is to help our people.

And they'll be coming to you
with all kinds of problems,

'cause they are a hot mess.

Stan, I'm sitting right here.

And are you a hot mess?

Yes.

Chloe, I am so sorry about
what happened earlier.

Please, don't be mad at me.

Of course, I'm mad at you.

I trusted you,
and you lied to me and used me.

And I am so sorry.

I just got a little carried away.

One day you'll understand that liking boys

can make you do dumb things.

I'll never understand.

What you did is terrible.

Chloe, we're still sisters--

No, I told you,
you're not my sister anymore.

Now you may have noticed that
Avery and Chloe had a fight.

A dog's job is to be on hand
for sympathy petting.

Science tells us

our fur is lined with tiny molecules

called "feel-betterinos."

Not to be confused with Phil Betterino,

who has that pizza place.

You know their motto.

"It's not the best, it's Betterino!"

Stan, I'm really upset about
what's happening with Chloe.

This isn't a time for jokes.

Avery, if I was doing jokes,

you'd be hearing me say
things like "Am I right?"

Or, "What's the deal with that?"

Or, "I'd like to be at that meeting."

I need to talk to Chloe.

I'd like to be at that meeting.

Now, pet the puppies,

and let the "feel-betterinos"
do their thing.

Stan, this is not something that--

Oh, my gosh, I do feel better.

Science!

Oh, I've been in here so long,

I think I'm starting to lose it.

But I'm holding it together,
aren't I, Tennie?

Why am I asking a tennis ball
if I'm losing it?

You have no background
in clinical psychology.

I know Tyler's only been gone a day,

but I do miss my little Ty-Ty.

I even miss the way he used to say,

"I'm 18, stop calling me Ty-Ty."

Maybe you should give him a call.

He'll hear his phone go "cling-cling"

and he'll answer.

I know phones go "ring-ring."

I'm not a bing-a-ling.

Who did I marry?

Whom.

Oh, that you know.

Oh, no, Tennie. It's Mom and Dad calling.

Tennie, play it cool.

Hello.

Hi, sweetie, I was just missing you

so I thought I'd give you a call.

How's the competition going?

Sounds real quiet there.

No, no. There's lots of stuff going on.

There are tons of girls here.

"Oh, look, there's Tyler. He's so cute."

Oh, the Blue Angels are doing a fly-by.

( imitating jet planes )

Oh, look, here come the girls again.

"We were so nervous to talk to you,

but the Blue Angels
inspired us to take a risk."

Be nice to those girls. They sound homely.

Hey!

So listen, your Dad wants to say hi, too.

( mumbling )

Dad?

Hey, Son.

As a renowned child psychologist,

I want to wish you luck.

Mom?

-Bye, Tyler.
-Bye, Mom.

You know, if you really miss Tyler,

we should drive up
for the competition tomorrow

and surprise him.

Oh, yeah.

Here, Avery. I want to give this to you.

Oh, good, you're talking to me.

So you're not angry anymore?
We're sisters again?

I'm not angry anymore,
but we're still not sisters.

So I want to give all this to you.

What is it?

Chloe, I gave you this doll.

And I made you this card
for your birthday.

What is going on?

It's all the stuff that I saved
in my special memory box

from everything we've done together.

Since we're not sisters anymore,
I don't want it.

All right, Chloe. Enough.

I know that I messed up,
but I've already apologized.

I'll do whatever you want
to make it up to you,

but you can't stay mad at me.

I said I'm not mad.

I'm just following your advice.

You told me life's too short
to have a best friend

that makes you feel bad.

Yeah, I was talking about Jules.

Jules was never my best friend,

you were.

Ellen, come on!

If we want to make it
for Tyler's competition,

we've got to leave now!

Okay, Tennie.

We can't let them get out of this house.

You ready?

Do you have the directions
to Tyler's competition?

I loaded them onto my phone.

Good.

Huh, that's weird.

I could've sworn I left it right here.

Relax, Mama's on the case.

I'll grab my purse from the kitchen

and call your cell from mine.

I have you under husband, therapist,

and keeping it tight.

What was that?

Where's my purse? It was just here.

I think I saw it in my office.

Purse, purse, purse, purse, purse...

Wait, I already have it.
Why did I run in here?

I could've sworn you left it right here.

First your phone, now my purse.

Bennett, I'm being totally serious.

Do we have a leprechaun?

Let's just call my phone
from the landline, huh?

Okay.

( siren blaring )

Tyler? What is going on?

No time to explain.

We've got a tiny fire to put out.

( imitating siren ) Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why are you not at the competition?

Actually, I never left
for the competition.

I didn't qualify because I goofed off.

So I just spent the past three days

hiding under the stairs.

But I heard those girls on the phone.

That was me, Mom.

And the Blue Angels?

Are you kidding me?

Why didn't you tell us?

I was too embarrassed.

I let everyone down, especially you guys.

So what's my punishment?

There is no punishment.
You're almost an adult.

You're gonna have to deal
with the consequences

of your own actions.

That's what being an adult is.

So I don't get any punishment at all?

Well, you missed your competition,

you let your teammates down.

Is this how you want to live your life?

'Cause it's up to you now.

Wow. I really am almost
an adult now, aren't I?

I guess I have to take that seriously.

Thank you, guys, for showing me that.

Things are really gonna be
different from now on.

Come on, fire truck. ( siren blaring )

I haven't slept much in the last few days.

What's all this?

Welcome to Sister-Con.

It's like Comic-Con,

but instead of all the cool stuff,

it's all about sisters.

Then why are you wearing that?

I'm Bat-Stan.

What does Bat-Stan
have to do with sisters?

This is my costume for Comic-Con.

It took me forever to make,

I'm not just gonna wear it once.

And you're dressed as Chloe, right?

I am Chloe.

Wow, you are really committed to cosplay.

All right, I've got it from here, Stan.

Thank you.

If you need me, just use this.

Or just call out
"Bat-Stan, come here, boy."

That works, too.

So, Chloe, I was going
through the box you gave me,

and it looked like a little
collection of memorabilia.

So I got the idea to make this exhibition.

How long is this going to take?

Well, the walking tour takes 25 minutes.

You've got five. Okay, then.

I'll talk faster than

Stan's Patrick Stewart impression

on the recording.

This is my first lipstick
that you gave me.

I forgot this was in my box.

Yeah.

I spent all afternoon
teaching you how to use makeup.

And here's a picture
of the first time you used it.

On the kitchen wall.

And here's the picture of Mom freaking out

after she saw it.

You really captured her impotent rage.

Hey, I remember this.

This is the first painting
you ever painted of me.

And I painted you exactly
how you told me to.

I'm glad you talked me
out of the saxophone.

Too much.

This is the macaroni necklace
I made you when I was six.

This wasn't in my memory box.

No.

It was in my memory box.

Avery, you have one, too?

Of course.

You're not the only one
who treasures our memories.

I know that I messed up, but look around.

We have so many good memories together.

And I hope that I can have
my best friend and sister back

to fill this new box I made

with new memories.

This will be our first new memory.

I love you, Chloe.

I love you too, Avery.

You will always be my sister.

Awww.

( in masculine voice ) I mean, "aah."

Stan, I never thanked you
for helping me set this all up.

And you'll never have to.

Actually, you probably should.

I worked really hard.

We all learned a lot.

Avery learned you have a responsibility

not to take your loved ones for granted.

Tyler learned you have to be responsible

for your own actions.

And I learned my puppies
and I have the same taste

in chew toys!

Look at you, Robert, bursting with pride.

Your kids are entering
the family business.

"It's not the best, it's Betterino!"