All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E16_English

So, here's what's happening.

Princess was gonna have our puppies

at the most luxurious dog spa ever.

The kids and I sneaked in.

I am zee famous Doctor Monfort
here to deliver zese puppies.

You are an impostor!

I challenge you to a duel.

Umph, umph.

I brought Ellen to a dog spa.

( laughing ) But she doesn't know.

Say hi to your son and daughter, Stan.

STAN: I'm naming them Freddy and Gracie.

Get a good look 'cause my family's
not keeping them.

When they're old enough,
we're giving them away.

No! I can't lose my puppies.

I can't believe Heather's family

is gonna give the puppies away
when they're old enough.

I love Gracie and Freddy.

I love them, too. They were born
with great hair, just like me.

You Photoshopped that.

Not everything that's awesome

is computer-generated, Avery,
and yes, I did.

Guys, we can't let Heather
give away my children.

Wait a minute.

Maybe this isn't a bad thing.

You monster!

What if we adopt the puppies?

You didn't let me finish.

You monster with a heart full of love,

misunderstood by everyone around you.

Like Gustov, the imaginary monster

that lives under my bed.

At first he scared me,
but then we became friends.

Gustov love Chloe.

Right back you, G!

I'm sure it won't be that hard
to convince Mom and Dad

to have two more dogs.

After all, Stan is so easy.

Stan got into the trash.

There is garbage everywhere.

Boy, I'm glad we don't
have more than one dog.

Well, that's unfortunate timing.

After my wonderful day at the spa,

the last thing I need is
this kind of added stress.

Maybe I should just go back to the spa.

No!

I'll just hose you down in the backyard.

You know, it was a lot like that.

Look, I'm sorry Stan
got into the trash, Mom.

Maybe the problem is Stan needs company.

Maybe we should get another dog.

Or maybe two more dogs.

But where will we get them? Oh, I know.

Stan and Princess just had puppies.

Problem solved. Love hugs.

Whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Stan and Princess had puppies?

And Heather's going to give them away.

We really want to take them.

What do you say? Can we?

I'm a teenager.

This could be the last hug
you ever get from me.

I see how much this means to you guys,

but you know I'm not a dog person.

You monster!

I'm sorry, we're not getting
two more dogs.

You didn't let me finish.

You horrible, horrible monster!

I realize you have some concerns,

but I want to let you guys know

if you allow us to keep the puppies,

we promise we will never do
anything wrong ever again.

( sneezes )

We will never do
anything wrong ever again.

Or sit on that couch.

Come on, you can't let Gracie and Freddy

go to someone else.

They're Stan's children.

Sweetie, Stan is just a dog.

It's not like he'll know the difference.

It's normal when a dog has puppies
for the family not to keep them.

We promise we'll talk to Heather's family

and make sure the puppies
go to a nice, responsible home.

Now that's the end of the discussion.

You see, Bennett,
this is what I was afraid of.

All this disagreement has taken me
out of my relaxed state.

I need to go back to the spa.

I said I would take you out
back and hose you down.

Set the nozzle to blast
to get my hard-to-reach spots.

( theme music playing )

We have eight weeks until the puppies are
old enough to leave Princess,

and then Heather will give them away.

Okay, this doll is Mom.

This is Dad.

These are the puppies.

And this is Heather. What do we do?

What are we gonna use those for?

This is my chance,

Avery never plays dolls with me anymore.

But I told you I'd do it.

It's not the same.

Guys, the clock is ticking.

What do we do to keep the puppies?

Best idea wins a ham.

Stan, we love the puppies.

You don't have to offer us a reward.

Good, because I already ate the ham.

And for similar reasons,

best idea also does not get a pork chop,

a bowl of rice, or a vacuum bag.

( speaking in French accent)
I have got it!

I will dress up as a French doctor again.

Tyler, that doesn't work for everything.

Sacre bleu!

Ooh, I have an idea.

You be Mommy.

And I'll be Heather.

"Hi, do you want to go to a tea party?"

Hey, Heather, I'll go
to the tea party with you.

It's not the same!

Well, here's my idea.

Mom is the one who's not a dog person.

But she does love to be loved.

And Heather doesn't care about the puppies

so we can bring them
over here whenever we want.

So we just have to show Mom
how much the puppies love her.

I love you.

Wow, the girl does have mad doll skills.

And getting Mom
to think the puppies love her

is a pretty good idea.

A ham-worthy idea.

The best I can do is
burp in your direction.

Get over here, you.

( snoring )

Once I paint this meat juice on,

then Mom will wake up
with the puppies licking her face

and think they love her.

There's no way she can resist that.

Puppy licks are powerful.

Did you know that the first light bulb

was nothing more than a glass bottle

in a puppy's mouth?

Stan, there's no way that could work.

That's the lie the candle companies

spread to maintain their stranglehold

on the lighting industry.

Ohh... ( giggling )

The puppies are licking me.

They must really love me.

Of course, they love you.

Why else would they be licking you?

Wait, why are you holding

a basting brush and a bowl?

And why do I smell like meat?

You always smell like meat,

you just never noticed before?

Nice try, Tyler.

Bennett, I've got meat juice on me.

Get the hose!

Don't worry, Stan.

We still have eight weeks
to get Mom to love the puppies.

The eight weeks are up

and Mom still doesn't love the puppies.

And you've had that same shirt
on for eight weeks.

I like bad smells, but whew!

Avery, Chloe, and I have tried everything.

We had them lick Mom,
made her Mayor of Puppy Town,

I even gave Tyler
hair and eyebrows to Freddy.

This is bad.

Gracie and Freddy are old enough
now to be given away.

( Ellen laughing )

ELLEN: Everybody, come look!

( laughing continues )

Oh, Tyler, you missed it.

I asked your dad what time it was,

and he checked his watch
with a glass of water in his hand,

and he spilled it all over himself.

Oh, do it again, honey, he missed it.

You want me to spill water on myself

because he missed it?

Eh, it was funny and I'm already wet.

Okay.

Bennett, what time is it?

Well, it's about--

That's why I love you so much.

You make me laugh.

I'm just lucky you didn't meet a clown

before you met me.

Of course.

The way to Mom's heart
is through her funny bone.

And I still don't know what time it is.

That's hilarious!

Clown puppies.

They also have tiny clown bikes and pies.

Oh, tiny clown pies.

They look delicious.

That's a poker chip
with shaving cream on it.

Yes, I know that now.

I told you she'd eat it. I win the bet.

You both have to read a book

that's not a novelization
of a summer blockbuster.

Guys, I have to admit,

when I became Mayor of Puppy Town,

I was honored

and added it to my resume.

I haven't done much in the last 10 years.

But seeing how funny the puppies
are finally got me.

And seeing how much effort you guys

put in over the last few weeks

really showed me how much you care.

So, when Dad gets home,

I'll tell him we're keeping the puppies.

All right, I'm keeping my puppies!

These puppies are hilarious.

I've never been prouder.

And so we'd like to be the family

that takes the puppies.

I see.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Thanks.

I'm sorry, kids.

Heather's family

has already given
the puppies to someone else.

They're gone.

"Two months ago,
when Gracie and Freddy were born,

was the happiest day of my life.

Today, when they were
adopted by another family,

was the saddest.

Avery tried to find out
who Heather gave them to,

but all Heather knew was
that it was some nice guy

who answered their ad.

I may never see my puppies again."

Hello, Stan.

It's me, your evil ex-owner, Ian.

Not that I'm evil from my perspective,

but I thought the adjective
might help remind you

who I am.

I remember you, Ian. What do you want?

No, Stan, it's what you want.

( gasps ) My puppies!

I adopted them
from that lovely girl Heather

after I saw their baby photos
on your Buddy Bop page.

Wait a minute,

you're "Mad Scientist
You'll-See-You'll-All-See?"

Why did I accept your bop request?

GLORIA: Ian!

Excuse me, I'm staying
with my mother in Glendale.

What, Mother?

GLORIA: It's late! Go to bed!

How are you gonna make
scientific breakthroughs

if you're not well-rested?

You go to bed! If you're not well-rested,

how are you gonna nag me
the rest of your life? So where were we?

Right. Your adorable puppies.

Give them back to me, Ian.

Of course. If you give me what I want.

Anything. Anything at all.

Sounds like we can make a deal, then.

GLORIA: Ian, who are you
talking to this late?

The Nagging-Mother Police!

They're coming to get you!

She's pretty sure
there's no Nagging-Mother Police,

but not completely sure...
it's a fun game we play.

Ian, why is there a dog on your screen?

( doorbell rings )

Hello, Avery.

Ian?

What are you doing here?

-Are those Stan's puppies?
-Well--

Ian? What are you doing here?

-Are those Stan's puppies?
-Well--

Ian, what are you doing here?
Are those Stan's puppies?

It'd be really helpful
if you all entered at the same time.

Okay, let's get this over with.

Stan, what is going on?

Stan and I made a deal.

I turn the puppies over to you,

and Stan comes with me
so I can resume my experiments

to discover how he can talk.

And this pet carrier
is chained to my wrist,

to make sure there are no shenanigans,
like last time.

Ugh, and I just thought up
the perfect shenanigan.

Stan, you can't do this.

You can't go with Ian.

I have no choice, Avery.

It's the only way to protect
Gracie and Freddy.

-Are you ready, Stan?
-In a minute.

There's something I need to do
before I leave.

See, he's here. He's trying to take Stan.

You can't let him take Stan.

Oh, I remember you.

Honey, this is just the nice man
who used to own Stan.

You must be mistaken.

I'm sorry about our daughter.

She's got quite an imagination.

Just ask Gustov.

Are you calling' my woman a liar?

Gustov, please, this isn't the time.

Ugh.

So, you came to visit Stan again?

Exactly! I don't know
what Chloe was talking about.

Avery and I will visit with Ian.

Why don't you and Mom go back

to talking about old people stuff,

like escrow and how bad your knees are?

He's not wrong.

I feel a rain coming on.

I hope it doesn't interfere
with our meeting with the notary.

Tyler, I know what you're trying to do

getting Mom and Dad out of the room.

It's to protect our secret.

But there are worse things
than them finding out.

-Avery, no.
-And Ian taking Stan

is the worst thing of all.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is the time
for them to find out.

What secret?

The secret that your dog
can talk, of course.

TOGETHER: What?

I am a scientist on the verge of making

the most important breakthrough
of the 21st century.

Your dog is the world's first talking dog,

and I am gonna find out how he does it,

so I can make other dogs talk.

I'll become rich and famous,

and finally have someone to talk to.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying that Stan is a talking dog?

Surely, there have been
mysterious goings on.

Voices you've heard,
unexplained happenings.

The ghost we heard last Halloween.

The hang glider that got
charged to my credit card.

When we first got Stan

and Chloe told us he was a talking dog.

That one really should've tipped us off.

Stan talks.

And sings.

Dancing, eh.

How could you have kept this from us?

We were afraid of what you would do.

But we have a bigger problem now.

Ian has Gracie and Freddy,

and wants to exchange them for Stan.

You can't let him have Stan.

The kids are emotional.

It's understandable, they're kids.

Bennett, we're men of science.

I have PhDs in biology, zoology,

and theater arts,

in case the science thing
doesn't work out.

I am a man of science.

And I do have a subscription series

-to the Pasadena Playhouse.
-Dad?

Yeah, given the remarkable miracle
that Stan represents,

don't you agree the only responsible thing

to do is to turn him
over to a man of science,

such as myself?

I'm sorry, kids.

Ian has a point.

A talking dog could be

one of the greatest
scientific discoveries ever.

Having Stan go with a scientist
is the responsible thing to do.

Kids, since I won't be around
when you're growing up,

I just wanted to teach you
a few life lessons.

This is how you pickle a herring.

I think.

I'm just guessing from the words.

So, when do you think I can take Stan
and be on my way?

Soon, I'm sure. But what's the rush?

I so rarely get to converse
with a fellow man of science.

My whole career,

I've hoped for a breakthrough in my field,

like the one you're on the verge of.

Perhaps a psychological disorder
that I could name

"The Bennetts."

But nothing that gives me
the heebie jeebies.

Which, of course, was discovered

by the team of Fred Heebie
and Bill Jeebie.

They're so lucky.

So yeah, um,

about getting Stan and being on my way.

Oh, we rarely have company.

I can't imagine why.

I may not be a man of science
or have all the degrees you do,

but I am the Mayor of Puppy Town.

It's right here on my resume.

Maybe we could go look for Stan
and see what the holdup is.

I've got to get back
to my mother's house in Glendale.

A mother in Glendale?

She must be so impressed by your research.

My mother is gonna be proud

when I tell her about "The Bennetts."

It would be nice if it was something

that could be cured by quilting.

She loves that.

Where's the dog?

'Cause I can't wait to get back
to my mother's house.

She doesn't believe in my work at all.

So Stan's gonna tell her,
"Your son's a genius!"

Now rub my belly.

Just to be clear, that's still the dog

talking to my mother,
and not me talking to you.

Stan, come here, boy.

Well, you two men of science chat.

I'm gonna go think through
all the embarrassing things

I did when I thought
I was alone with a dumb dog

who couldn't tell anyone about it.

Oh, boy, he saw my chicken impression.

( imitating chicken )

Please, tell me where your dog is!

Avery, what is it?
I wanted to finish the video

I was making my kids.

Stan, you can't do this.
You can't go with Ian.

Just run away and hide
so he can't take you.

Yeah, Stan. Run away.

( Southern accent ) Like my kinfolk
do on teeth pulling day.

What, Chloe gets to do characters,

but I can't do Huckleberry Tyler?

Well, that makes me madder
than a possum in a tar barrel!

If I do run away,

what happens to Gracie and Freddy?

We love Gracie and Freddy, too.

We'll figure something out.

There's nothing to figure out.

This is the only way to protect them.

Now I'm gonna go finish my video.

I don't know how I'm gonna teach them

the art of puppetry in one afternoon.

But I'm gonna give it a try.

I'll say good-bye before I go.

I won't. I'm uncomfortable with emotion.

We can't let Ian take Stan or the puppies.

And we're not going to, Chloe.

First, we'll take the puppies,

then Stan will have no reason to leave.

But Ian has them chained to his wrist.

See?

There's bolt cutters in the garage

we can use to cut the chain.

Like so.

Yay, Avery, you're playing dolls with me.

He'll never stand by while we do that.

We need a diversion.

Look over there!

Or maybe we can use Gustov.

I think you've outgrown me, Chloe,

so I'm gonna fly out the window
and find another kid.

Bye, Gustov.

Tyler, get out of the way.

Oh, no. I'm just kidding.

That's right, Tyler. Tell 'em that.

Are we sure our dog talks

and we're not just all out of our minds?

( thud ) Aah!

Cartwheels are hard for a dog,
but you get the idea.

I have just a few more
things to teach you.

You carry a lot of tension in your back.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, really get in there.

And that's how you do puppetry
and shiatsu massage.

Sorry, I had to combine the two.

I've got a lot to get through.

This is how you sneak under laser beams

if you're stealing jewels from a museum.

Gracie, Freddy,

the most important thing
for me to tell you

is that when I'm gone,
it's gonna be up to you

to take care of Avery, Tyler, and Chloe.

Now, those kids mean
more to me than anything.

Well, until I met the two of you.

But then I decided I didn't
want anything associated

with explosive diarrhea to be called
"The Bennetts."

I made the deal.

I was gonna leave the puppies
and take the dog.

It seemed so simple.

I'm back. And I found her
and got her to come with me.

Ian...

Mom!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

This lovely, young lady--

She said "lovely, young."

I wish you were my mother.

This lovely, young, slightly needy lady

said that you were trying
to take their dog,

and that you chained their puppies
to your wrist.

Mother, I am on the verge

of the most important
scientific breakthrough--

Oh, Ian, not the talking dog thing again.

Why did I let you watch
so many cartoons as a kid?

I will only eat my Brussels sprouts

while I'm watching cartoons.

That's the deal and you know it!

And talking dogs are real.

Get ready for me to say,
"Bam, in your face, Mother."

Yeah, there will be no bamming in my face.

And no more bothering these nice people.

Now unchain the puppies from your wrist.

I can't believe I'm actually
saying that sentence.

Yes, Mother.

I promise, he will never bother you again.

Come, Ian.

Yes, Mother.

Ow!

Bye, Gloria!

Farmers Market this Saturday?

Stop being needy!

No, you're the best!

You got rid of him and saved the puppies.

Stan, it's all all right.

We got rid of Ian
and your puppies are safe.

STAN: Freddy, Gracie! Thank goodness!

I love you both so much.

We weren't going to
let that guy take Stan.

I was just stalling him

while your mother went to find his mother.

That's right, we used the most
powerful force there is:

Mother Power. Mama Powa.

The Maternal Combustion Engine.

I want another baby, Bennett.

So as for the secret, now that you know...

It's time for me
to formally introduce myself.

And you kids played along great.

We had no idea what good actors you are.

Actors?

Yeah, the way you followed our lead

when we were humoring Ian,

pretending that he wasn't nuts,

and that we actually believed
him that Stan could talk,

until we could figure out
a way to get rid of him.

That's right, we played along.

Pretending to believe.

Stan can't talk. That's bananas.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Wee-oo-wee-oo. Ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh.

I'll stop now.

And your father was great too,

with all that crazy talk
about "The Bennetts."

What a perfect diversion.

Yeah. Crazy talk.

Not a serious yearning
for professional accomplishment.

Just a diversion.

Diversion. Oh, no.

Hey, what secret were you talking about?

Shenanigan! Shenanigan!

Whoa! Whoa!

Guys, Ian is gone!

The puppies and Stan are okay.

What is going on?

Well...

this is the secret.

Sometimes when you're gone,

Tyler flies around in a fairy costume...

while Chloe tries to cut him
down with bolt cutters.

Yep, that's the secret.

What other secret could there be?

Tyler has a monster in him.

Tyler, get down from there.

Chloe, give me those bolt cutters.

We are going to discuss
some consequences for this.

What are you doing?

You were supposed to
ride in with the bolt cutters

to free the puppies,

while Chloe flew in
wearing the fairy costume.

Oh.

That makes a lot more sense.

This costume is riding up
on me something fierce.

Imagine if Stan really could talk.

How crazy would that be?

Not that you kids could actually
keep a secret like that from us.

No. Of course not.

Not for more than three years.

And, of course, if Stan could talk,

we would have to send him off

to be experimented on.

You're so funny.

I know you're just joking, Dad.

That's a chance we're never gonna take.

Preparing to leave the kids
I love so much

to save the puppies I love so much

was probably the hardest thing

I've ever had to do.

But fortunately, everything
adfoasir jweqrl nweapo rif.

What the--

Not now, kids, Daddy's blogging.

Fatherhood is not going to be easy.

But it's worth it.