Original subtitles

HEY, STAN. WAKE UP, BOY.

I'M UP. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM."

WAIT, WHY DO I WANT WORMS? I JUST GOT RID OF THEM.

HEY, STAN, YOU WANNA HEAR THE SONG WE JUST WROTE TO WAKE UP TYLER?

IT'S CALLED WAKE UP, TYLER.

ONCE WE HAD THE TITLE, THE REST JUST FLOWED.

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT...

♪ TIME TO WAKE UP, TYLER, MAKE A GREAT START ♪

♪ WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THOSE COVERS ♪

-♪ 'CAUSE WE HEARD YOUR MORNING... ♪ -( blowing raspberries )

YEAH!

HEY, GUYS.

SHOOT HER. SHE WROTE THE SONG.

I'M NOT HER FOR REVENGE.

IT'S A BURRITO CANNON I MADE FOR MY JOB AT THE FOOD TRUCK.

WHEN A PERSON'S BURRITO IS READY,

I CAN LAUNCH IT TO THEM ANYWHERE IN THE PARK.

BURRITO CANNON! AWESOME!

I'M GOING LONG! HIT ME!

IT'S NOT EVEN LOADED!

BUT IT'S AN AWESOME IDEA, RIGHT?

YEAH, IT'S JUST A HOT CYLINDER OF MEAT AND CHEESE

ROCKETING AT PEOPLE AT 90 MILES AN HOUR.

WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

I'M GONNA ASK MOM AND DAD TO GIVE ME THE MONEY I NEED TO FINISH IT.

MOM AND DAD AREN'T GONNA GIVE YOU THE MONEY

FOR ANOTHER CRAZY IDEA AFTER THE PIE CATAPULT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY DAD WAS SO ANGRY ABOUT THE PIE-APULT.

HE LOVES PIE.

EATING IT, NOT BEING KNOCKED OFF HIS BIKE BY IT.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE JOB OPPORTUNITY.

SO MUCH MONEY!

IT'S REALLY AN HONOR JUST TO BE CONSIDERED

FOR SUCH A PRESTIGIOUS SPEAKING TOUR.

AND THE MONEY!

IT'S AN HONOR JUST TO BE CONSIDERED FOR SO MUCH MONEY!

I KNOW!

AND THE THEME FOR THE TOUR THIS YEAR:

BLENDED FAMILIES.

SO BASICALLY IT'S IN THE BAG.

A BIG BAG OF MONEY!

NOW, I HAVEN'T BEEN CHOSEN YET,

SO I DON'T WANNA TELL THE KIDS ABOUT ANY OF THIS.

YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S NOT GET THEM ALL EXCITED

ABOUT SOMETHING THAT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN.

WE WILL NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE MONEY.

HEY I NEED SOME MONEY FOR--

MONEY?! WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MONEY?!

WE WEREN'T TALKING ABOUT MONEY!

( laughs nervously )

I'M JUST LAUGHING BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER SAID SOMETHING HILARIOUS!

( laughs nervously ) RIGHT?

OH, I DID! JUST NOW!

I'M HILARIOUS! GOOD ONE, ELLEN!

TELL HIM! TELL HIM!

-NO, NO, IT TAKES TOO LONG! -YEAH, IT'S VERY LONG!

-ABOUT AN HOUR, HOUR AND A HALF. -YOU LITERALLY HAD TO BE THERE.

YEAH, I MEAN, HE'S A TEENAGER.

HE DOESN'T WANNA STICK AROUND AND LISTEN TO ME SAY A FUNNY STORY.

-SHE HAD TO ACT IT OUT. SHE HAD HATS. -YEAH, I DID.

WHERE'D THAT HAT GO?

THEY GAVE ME THE MONEY.

NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

ARE YOU SURE THIS WAS OUR MOM AND DAD?

I DON'T CARE WHO THEY ARE, I'M GONNA TRY!

THERE'S NO WAY THEY'RE GONNA GIVE HER ANYTHING.

DADDY GAVE ME A 20 AND MOMMY GAVE ME HER NECKLACE.

OKAY, SOMETHING VERY WEIRD IS GOING ON.

THE DOWNSIDE OF THE TOUR IS I'LL BE AWAY FROM HOME FOR WEEKS ON END.

OH, THAT'LL BE HARD, BUT WE'LL HAVE THE MONEY TO COMFORT US.

HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

AND WHILE YOU'RE HOLDING IT, MAKE IT A LITTLE NICER.

All: HI!

THIS ISN'T THE KITCHEN.

NOT TO BE HARSH, BUT SCRAM.

"SCRAM"? SHE'S USING PROHIBITION-ERA SLANG.

THIS MUST BE BIG.

THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED, WE WERE MOVING IN

WITH HER FELLA AND HIS TWO SWELL KIDS.

"LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED"?

HOW MANY FAMILIES HAVE YOU LIVED WITH?

WHAT HAPPENED?

I WAS GOING LONG, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SHOOT ME A BURRITO.

BUT I DIDN'T. HOW'D YOU GET THAT?

UH, LET'S JUST SAY IF AN ANGRY CONSTRUCTION WORKER

SHOWS UP WITH A SIDE OF RICE AND BEANS,

ASK FOR THE RICE AND BEANS,

'CAUSE THIS THING IS CRYING OUT FOR A COMBO.

( theme music playing )

IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE HERE, STAN.

MOM AND DAD ARE ACTING REALLY MYSTERIOUSLY.

WE NEED YOU TO HELP US FIND OUT WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU UP FOR A LITTLE SPYING?

DOES A PUG SNORT?

THE ANSWER IS YES. YES, HE DOES.

I'D LOVE TO BE A SPY!

OH, OH! AND I HAVE THE PERFECT DISGUISE!

MEOW.

DON'T FREAK OUT. IT'S ME.

STAN.

STAN, YOU'RE WAY OVERTHINKING THIS.

JUST GO AS A DOG.

OF COURSE! A DOG!

WOOF.

I'M A DOG. GET IT?

OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING!

ME, A SPY!

AH, IT'LL BE JUST LIKE THE MOVIES!

ALL RIGHT, LOWER.

YEP, YEP, YEP, LOWER.

UH, HOLD ON A SEC.

LOWER. LOWER. LOWER.

OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

SOUNDS GREAT. I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

HEY, I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MONTY KATHCART,

THE DIRECTOR OF THE SPEAKING TOUR.

HE WANTS TO COME OVER TONIGHT, TALK TO ME FOR A WHILE,

AND DECIDE WHETHER I'M THE MAN FOR THE JOB.

TONIGHT! THAT'S SO GREAT!

HE'LL MEET THE KIDS, OUR HAPPY LOVING FAMILY!

SHOULD WE SEE IF TYLER WANTS TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT A FRIEND'S?

DON'T BE SO NERVOUS. I'M THE ONE BEING JUDGED.

OH, DON'T BE NAIVE. HE'LL BE JUDGING ALL OF US.

HE'LL BE JUDGING ME.

MAYBE I SHOULD CHARM HIM WITH A SOUTHERN ACCENT.

( southern accent ) I DO DECLARE, MR. KATHCART,

IT'S A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU IN OUR HUMBLE HOME.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND THE NIGHT AT A FRIEND'S.

HEY, AVERY, AM I REALLY RIGHT FOR THIS?

SPYING IS FOR SOMEONE DEAD INSIDE,

SOUL-LESS, PURE EVIL,

LIKE A MAILMAN... OR A CAT.

STAN, IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE JUST HAVING PRE-SPY JITTERS.

YOU GO IN THERE, YOU LISTEN, AND YOU REPORT BACK.

BUT I HAVE BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH.

SERIOUSLY, I ATE A COUPLE OF BUTTERFLIES.

THEY LOOK DELICIOUS.

THEY ARE NOT.

SO, BENNETT, IF WE GET THIS MONEY--

I WANNA BUY A BOAT.

A BOAT? BUT WE'RE NOT BOAT PEOPLE.

THAT'S BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A BOAT.

I SAY WE PUT THE MONEY TOWARDS A NEW ADDITION ON THE HOUSE

WITH A PRIVATE BATHROOM FOR ME.

I'M SORRY, BUT SHARING A BATHROOM WITH YOU

ISN'T REALLY HELPING THE ROMANCE

WITH ALL THOSE UNSETTLING ANIMAL NOISES.

THEN STOP MAKING THEM.

YOU JUST WANT YOUR EXTRAVAGANT BOAT.

SHE'S NOT EXTRAVAGANT. SHE IS A...

OH, I'M SPYING. IT'S HAPPENING.

OH, MY PAWS ARE SWEATY.

WAIT, PAWS DON'T SWEAT.

OH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE PANIC DRIBBLE DOWN THE LEG.

I JUST THINK A NEW ADDITION IS WHAT THIS FAMILY NEEDS.

HONEY, I'VE ALREADY BEEN THINKING OF NAMES FOR HER.

MEOW.

-DID YOU JUST HEAR A MEOW? -THAT WAS ODD.

IF THEY THINK THAT'S ODD,

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA THINK WHEN I BURP UP THIS BUTTERFLY?

SO, MOM SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A NEW ADDITION BEING WONDERFUL,

AND DAD SAID THAT HE WAS ALREADY PICKING OUT NAMES FOR HER.

OH, NO!

AND I MIGHT HAVE MEOWED.

THIS IS AWFUL!

IT WAS AN ACCIDENTAL MEOW.

I WAS AS SURPRISED AS ANYONE.

NO, NO. "NAMING HER"? "NEW ADDITION"?

THIS COULD ONLY MEAN ONE THING:

THEY'RE HAVING A BABY!

WHY WOULD THEY NAME A BABY "NEW ADDITION"?

SHE'S GONNA GET TEASED.

BY ME.

A NEW BABY? THAT'S COOL!

YOU THINK THAT'S COOL?

TOTALLY! THINK OF ALL THE FOOD THAT'LL BE DROPPED ON THE FLOOR!

YEAH! DROP IT ON MY FACE, YOU FILTHY BABY!

I'M NOT REALLY SEEING HOW THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA EITHER.

A BABY COULD COME IN REALLY HANDY.

THANKS, MY LITTLE SISTER DOES LOOK A LOT LIKE ME.

THE BABY WILL BE A TOTAL CHICK MAGNET!

AWESOME!

HELLO, CHICKS.

( peeping )

YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA!

A NEW BABY IS GONNA DISRUPT EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE.

IT'S GONNA BE TOO NOISY FOR ME TO STUDY,

AND, TYLER, YOU'RE THE OLDEST,

SO YOU'LL BE DIAPERING, FEEDING, AND WIPING.

AND YOU, WITH THE NEW BABY IN THIS HOUSE,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE THE CUTE ONE ANYMORE.

( gasps )

I THOUGHT I WAS THE CUTE ONE!

I THOUGHT I WAS THE CUTE ONE!

NO, IT WAS ME. I WAS THE CUTE ONE.

NO ONE IS GONNA BE THE CUTE ONE ANYMORE,

EXCEPT FOR THE NEW BABY.

NEW ADDITION.

MORE LIKE POO ADDITION.

THAT'S THE KIND OF TEASING SHE IS GONNA GET.

OKAY, SO WHAT'S MY NEXT SPY MISSION,

SHOULD I CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT?

WHICH BT-DUBS, I WOULD.

THERE'S NO MORE SPYING, STAN.

WE ALREADY KNOW THAT MOM'S HAVING A BABY.

BESIDES, IF THEY SEE YOU IN THAT RIDICULOUS COSTUME,

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA THINK?

THEY'LL THINK THEY'VE BEEN VISITED BY A SOPHISTICATED LONDONER.

( British accent ) DID YOU TALK TO MOM AND DAD ABOUT THE BABY?

NO, WE CAN'T TALK TO THEM UNTIL THEY TALK TO US ABOUT IT.

THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY KEEPING IT A SECRET.

THE ONLY WAY WE KNOW IS BECAUSE OF YOUR SPYING.

YOU'RE RIGHT. MY WORK CAN NEVER BE PUBLICLY CELEBRATED.

IT'S THE LIFE OF A SPY:

KEEPING THE WORLD SAFE BUT OPERATING IN THE SHADOWS.

IF ONLY I WASN'T AFRAID OF SHADOWS.

NOT NOW, STAN. I'M RESEARCHING PREGNANCY.

LOOK, I'M NOT THRILLED ABOUT THIS BABY,

BUT WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

WE HAVE TO BE THERE FOR MOM,

SUPPORT HER, THROW HER A BABY SHOWER.

I DON'T SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS.

MY MOM HAD SEVEN BABIES UNDER THE HOUSE,

FIVE MINUTES LATER, SHE WAS TEARING APART A SQUIRREL.

THIS IS SERIOUS, STAN.

PREGNANCY IS GONNA MAKE HER TIRED AND IRRITABLE,

AND SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO EAT EXTRA HEALTHY.

NO RAW FISH.

AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HER SUSHI.

BOY, I LOVE MY SUSHI.

DON'T EAT THAT!

AAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

SUSHI IS NOT SAFE FOR SOMEONE IN YOUR...

AGE GROUP.

YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR SUSHI.

SUSHI IS A YOUNG PERSON'S GAME.

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

START THINKING ABOUT A SHOWER.

A SHOWER? ( sniffs )

OH, YEAH! DROP SOME MORE, YOU FILTHY LADY!

( laughs )

BENNETT, YOU'D TELL ME IF I SMELLED, RIGHT?

HONEY, OF COURSE I WOULDN'T.

WELL, AM I TOO OLD TO EAT SUSHI?

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING.

YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD TO HAVE THIS BABY.

THEY'RE GETTING THEIR BABY FROM A CATALOG?

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS.

BENNETT, I REALLY WANT A NEW ADDITION.

YOU KNOW, THIS DECISION MIGHT BE EASIER

IF WE JUST ASK THE KIDS AND GET THEIR OPINIONS.

NO, EVERYONE CHIMING IN IS JUST GONNA BE MORE CONFUSING.

OH, THEY HAVEN'T MADE THE DECISION YET ABOUT THE BABY!

THE MASTER SPY HAS DONE IT AGAIN!

WHY IS STAN WEARING A TRENCH COAT AND A FEDORA?

THE MASTER SPY'S COVER HAS BEEN BLOWN!

WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?

SINCE I'M NO LONGER THE CUTE ONE,

I THOUGHT I'D TAKE YOUR LOOK.

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING NEW.

LIKE WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW. TUCK YOUR T-SHIRT INTO YOUR BELT BUCKLE.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

THE "TUCKLE" IS MINE.

GUYS, I'VE GOT SOME BIG NEWS!

THERE IS NO BABY! THERE NEVER WAS!

WHAT?!

THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT HAVING ONE.

THEY HAVEN'T DECIDED YET!

OH, THIS IS FANTASTIC!

IF THEY'RE JUST TALKING ABOUT IT,

WE STILL HAVE TIME TO INFLUENCE THEIR DECISION.

-HOW? -WELL, I THINK WE JUST HAVE TO BE DIRECT

AND SAY THAT WE OVERHEARD THEM

AND WE THINK THAT A BABY IS A BAD IDEA.

-LET'S GO. -WAIT.

IF THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE SPYING,

I'VE GOT A DEBRIEFING I HAVE TO GO TO.

WHAT?

I'M GONNA GO TO BENNETT'S LAUNDRY BASKET,

PULL OUT ALL THE BRIEFS, AND CHEW THEM UP.

WHAT ELSE WOULD A DEBRIEFING BE?

HEY, WHAT YOU DOING?

HELPING YOU GET THAT SPEAKING TOUR--

LOTS OF NICE HORS D'OEUVRES TO IMPRESS MR. CASHCART.

KATHCART.

MONTY KATHCART.

RIGHT, RIGHT. I WILL NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE WHEN HE'S HERE.

KATHCART, KATHCART, KATHCART. I WILL NOT SAY "CASH."

-WHAT ARE THOSE? -CASHEWS.

WAIT, I MEAN...

OH, NO, THAT'S RIGHT. CASHEWS.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T PUT OUT THE CASHEWS.

I'LL GO WITH WALLETS. WALNUTS!

LISTEN, I'VE BEEN DOING SOME CALCULATIONS,

AND IF I GET THE JOB TONIGHT,

WE CAN AFFORD YOUR ADDITION WITH YOUR PRIVATE BATHROOM

AND MY BOAT.

WE'LL EACH GET OUR OWN POOP DECK!

HEY, THAT'S GREAT! OH, GOOD!

OH, KIDS, LISTEN!

A VERY IMPORTANT COLLEAGUE OF MINE IS COMING OVER.

WE REALLY NEED TO IMPRESS HIM.

CAN YOU PLEASE GO UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE?

FIRST, WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU GUYS ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

WE KNOW ABOUT THIS NEW ADDITION.

YOU DO?

YES, AND WE'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

THIS IS GONNA DISRUPT EVERYTHING.

I'M SORRY, HONEY,

BUT WE'RE THE PARENTS AND THIS IS SOMETHING WE DECIDED TO DO.

WHAT EVEN MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?

A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD ARE ADDING ON.

THE TIMMONS JUST DID IT AND THERE'S IS BIG.

WELL, THEY ARE BIG PEOPLE.

YEAH, BUT THEY JUST SLAPPED THAT BABY ON THE SIDE OF THEIR HOUSE,

NO PERMITS OR ANYTHING.

I DON'T EVEN THINK IT'S LEGAL.

IT DOESN'T SOUND LEGAL.

YOU NEED PERMITS?

OH, YEAH. THEY SEND OUT AN INSPECTOR AND EVERYTHING.

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

THAT'S NOT EVEN THE POINT.

THE POINT IS HOW MUCH THIS IS GONNA CHANGE OUR LIVES.

I KNOW YOUR MOTHER'S ADDITION IS GONNA BE DISRUPTIVE,

BUT WHEN MY BABY GETS HERE, WE ARE GONNA HAVE NOTHING BUT FUN.

WAIT A MINUTE. THERE'S GONNA BE TWO?

YEAH, WE FIGURED WE COULD HAVE BOTH:

MINE AND YOUR MOM'S.

WHAT?

WE EACH WANT DIFFERENT THINGS.

WOULD YOU LOVE THEM BOTH?

OH, NOT EVEN CLOSE.

SHE WILL HAVE HERS AND I WILL HAVE MINE.

I'M NOT EVEN SHARING MINE.

THAT IS HORRIBLE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM'S.

WE ARE GONNA HAVE A BLAST RIDING MY BABY AROUND THE LAKE.

MAYBE WE CAN EVEN RACE HER.

-WE CAN? -OH, YEAH.

ONCE YOU GET HER IN THE WATER, YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW FAST SHE CAN GO.

I GUESS THAT COULD BE FUN.

BUT, KIDS, YOU KNOW, THIS IS A FAMILY PROJECT.

SO YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE TO HELP YOUR DAD

SCRAPE HER CRUSTY BOTTOM.

OH, KATHCART SHOULD BE HERE SOON.

OH, OKAY. WELL, HELP ME SET UP. HERE.

DID YOU MAKE THESE?

NO, OF COURSE NOT. I WANTED TO IMPRESS HIM.

TWINS?

THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT!

I'M GONNA BE THE THIRD CUTEST?

HOW DO YOU HANDLE THAT, TYLER?

HEY!

THEY'RE NOT EVEN GONNA TAKE OUR FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT.

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC.

WE HAVE TO PROVE TO THEM THAT TWO MORE KIDS IN THIS HOUSE

IS THE WORST IDEA IN THE WORLD.

WE HAVE TO ACT OUT AND BE SO UNRULY

THAT THEY'LL REALIZE THEY CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE KIDS THEY HAVE.

AND WE CAN DO IT TONIGHT WHEN THAT GUY COMES OVER THEY WANT TO IMPRESS.

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK,

WE CAN BORROW THE BIG OL' TIMMONS BABY

AND SHOW THEM HOW CRUSTY A BOTTOM CAN GET.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M GETTING NERVOUS.

WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT THEY DON'T WANT YOU FOR THE TOUR?

YOUR NOT THE BEST PUBLIC SPEAKER.

THANKS FOR THE PEP TALK, HON.

I'M SORRY. I JUST WANT THIS SO MUCH.

HEY, HEY, HEY. DON'T WORRY.

I'M GONNA WIN OVER KATHCART, YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR FANCY POTTY,

AND I'M GONNA GET MY LITTLE JET-DRIVE, FUEL-INJECTED WATER ESCAPE.

IF YOU WANT A FUEL-INJECTED WATER ESCAPE,

MY FANCY POTTY COMES WITH ONE OF THOSE.

AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?

I'M STILL SHOCKED THE KIDS WEREN'T MORE EXCITED

ABOUT OUR BUILDING A NEW ADDITION TO THE HOUSE.

AND A BOAT! I MEAN, A BOAT! COME ON!

BUILDING AN ADDITION, GETTING A BOAT, AND THEY'RE HAVING TWINS?

OH, WAIT!

-( doorbell rings ) -OH, THAT'S HIM.

I'VE GOTTA TELL THE KIDS THERE'S NO BABY!

MONTY!

WELCOME! THIS IS MY WIFE, ELLEN.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU BOTH.

-PLEASURE. -OH, A DOG.

UM, DOES HE HAVE TO BE IN HERE?

-I'M ALLERGIC. -OH, NO.

STAN, PATIO.

DANG IT!

JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES,

THE MASTER SPY HAS TIME-SENSITIVE INFORMATION

TO DELIVER, BUT HE'S STYMIED BY A FOREIGNER.

THAT IS A LOVELY COAT, MR. CASHCART...

CASHCOW... CALFCOW.

UH, PLEASE, JUST CALL ME MONTY.

OF COURSE. THAT IS A LOVELY CASH MONEY...

COAT MONEY... COAT.

UH, YES, IT IS A LOVELY COAT.

IT'S FROM THE RARE SHORTHAIR LLAMA, THE VICUNA.

MATATA.

AS IN VICUNA MATATA.

I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT, BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE LAUGHING,

AND YOU'RE NOT.

( Southern accent ) I DO DECLARE, MR. KATHCART,

IT'S A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU IN OUR HUMBLE HOME.

( mouths )

PLEASE SIT.

READY TO SHOW MOM AND DAD THEY HAVE TOO MUCH TO HANDLE ALREADY?

WHEN I'M DONE, WE WON'T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE.

OH, GOOD. KIDS, COME HERE.

THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT YOU TO MEET.

MR. KATHCART, THIS IS CHLOE, OUR YOUNGEST.

AND THIS IS AVERY.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

AND, UM, COULD SOMEONE GET THE LITTLE ONE OFF MY LEG?

OH!

CHLOE, STOP THAT! STOP!

I'M SO SORRY, MR. KATHCART.

SHE'S NORMALLY NOT LIKE THIS.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

( mocking ) THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

ARE YOU MOCKING ME?

( mocking ) ARE YOU MOCKING ME?

AVERY! WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?!

SHE'S BACK ON THE LEG!

( mocking ) OH, SHE'S BACK ON THE LEG!

OH, MR. KATHCART!

I'M SO SORRY!

COULD WE PLEASE JUST HAVE A NICE, RELAXING EVENING

LIKE WE NORMALLY DO IN THIS HOUSE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY BURRITO CANNON, MR. CATHETER?

IT'S CASHCARD!

CASHCOW... CASHCARD...

KATHCART!

-I'M TYLER. -( gasps )

TYLER!

TYLER! GIVE ME THAT THING!

OH...

I AM SO SORRY, MR. KATHCART.

I DO NOT--

GET HER OFF OF MY LEG!

CHLOE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

OOH, RIGHT IN THE VICUNA!

TYPICALLY, THIS DECISION-MAKING PROCESS IS VERY TRYING.

BUT THIS IS THE SECOND EASIEST DECISION I'VE EVER HAD TO MAKE

NEXT TO HAVING THAT RUSTY SPIKE REMOVED FROM MY SHOULDER.

( mocking ) SPIKE REMOVED FROM MY SHOULDER!

THE CRAZY THING IS, UNTIL THOSE BURRITOS FELL ON YOU,

I STILL HAD SOME HOPE.

YES, WELL, EXTINGUISH IT.

AND GET ME A TOWEL.

OH, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY.

MONTY, RIGHT THIS WAY.

I'M SO SORRY.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN EVERYTHING?!

WHAT'S WRONG IS YOU'RE CHANGING EVERYTHING.

THIS FAMILY IS PERFECT JUST THE WAY IT IS,

WITH CHLOE AND ME ANNOYING TYLER EVERY MORNING

WITH A NEW SONG AND DANCE,

AND STAN WAITING TO SAY GOOD MORNING TO US.

YEAH, WE'RE ONE HAPPY FAMILY.

NOW LET ME IN! THE ROOM IS SPRAYED WITH MEAT AND CHEESE!

WHEN YOU TWO GOT MARRIED,

IT WAS SO HARD TO ADAPT TO THIS NEW FAMILY.

BUT NOW THAT I HAVE, I LOVE IT.

BUT IT'S LIKE CATCHING LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE.

I DON'T WANT WHAT WE HAVE TO GET MESSED UP WHEN YOU HAVE THE TWINS.

TWINS? WE'RE NOT HAVING TWINS.

RIGHT?

WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT HAVING TWINS.

WE'RE NOT HAVING ANYTHING.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEW ADDITION?

TO THE HOUSE.

WHAT ABOUT RACING HER?

A BOAT. RACING A BOAT.

-OH. -OH.

YOUR MOM AND I, WE LOVE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THIS FAMILY.

AND A BABY DECISION,

WELL, THAT IS NOT ONE THAT WE WOULD MAKE WITHOUT YOU.

THIS HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THE STRANGEST EXPERIENCE I'VE EVER HAD,

AND I'VE HAD A RUSTY SPIKE DRIVEN THROUGH MY SHOULDER.

BUT SEEING HOW MUCH YOU KIDS LOVE YOUR BLENDED FAMILY...

YOUR ODD, ODD BLENDED FAMILY... SPEAKS VOLUMES.

BENNETT, IF YOU WANT THE TOUR, IT'S YOURS.

( all cheer )

THANKS. THANK YOU, MONTY.

BUT EVERYTHING MY DAUGHTER JUST SAID

MADE ME REALIZE THAT I DON'T WANNA BE ON THE ROAD

AWAY FROM THESE GUYS TOO LONG.

I WOULD MISS THEM TOO MUCH.

I HAVE TO DECLINE.

AND I'D MISS HAVING OUR FAMILY TOGETHER,

REGARDLESS OF THE MONEY.

SO MUCH MONEY.

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, LET ME KNOW.

IN THE MEAN TIME,

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS CHILD OFF MY LEG?

CHLOE!

OH, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE?

SORRY, MR. CLOWNCAR.

COMMUNICATION IN A FAMILY

CAN TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO PERFECT.

VERY SIMILAR TO SPYING.

SO MY DEBUT AS A MASTER SPY

DIDN'T GO QUITE AS SMOOTHLY AS I HAD HOPED.

I JUST NEED A LITTLE MORE PRACTICE.

THIS TIME, I'VE GOT EVERYTHING LINED UP PERFECTLY.

OH, GREAT. WHEN MY FOOT GOES IN WATER, IT MAKES ME WANNA PEE.

UP AND OUT, UP AND OUT, UP AND OUT, UP AND OUT!

HURRY!

( music playing )

( boing )