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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:07,246 I KNOW I INVITED YOU OVER TO STUDY, BUT... 2 00:00:08,458 --> 00:00:11,078 I THINK WE BOTH KNOW THE TEST WAS YESTERDAY. 3 00:00:11,166 --> 00:00:14,036 -ISN'T THE TEST TOMORROW? -SHH. 4 00:00:14,792 --> 00:00:16,042 Stan: THIS IS TYLER JAMES. 5 00:00:16,125 --> 00:00:19,325 NOW THAT IS THE FACE OF A SMOOTH PLAYER. 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,330 WELL, NOT THAT FACE. 7 00:00:23,083 --> 00:00:24,923 OH, YEAH, THERE'S THE SUGAR! 8 00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:28,752 WHOA. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? 9 00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:31,424 I HAVE THE FAMILY ROOM FROM 3:00 TO 6:00, 10 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,330 AS PER THE SIGN UP SHEET I POSTED, SO GET... 11 00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:37,537 Stan: AVERY JENNINGS. TYLER'S STEPSISTER. 12 00:00:37,625 --> 00:00:39,705 UH, KIND OF A PSYCHO ABOUT RULES. 13 00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:41,712 SHE EVEN HAS A RULE ABOUT NOT INTERRUPTING HER, 14 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,042 SO LET'S KEEP IT MOVING. 15 00:00:43,125 --> 00:00:44,075 ...OUT OF HERE, 16 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:45,666 OR I'M GONNA TELL EVERYONE YOU'RE WEARING A WIG. 17 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:47,080 I'M NOT WEARING A WIG. 18 00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:50,245 OW! I TOLD YOU, IT'S NOT A WIG! 19 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,753 I KNOW, BUT THAT HURT, RIGHT? 20 00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:55,633 WOULD YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE? THIS IS MY HOUSE. 21 00:00:55,709 --> 00:00:57,749 YOU AND YOUR MOM HAVE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR, LIKE, A YEAR. 22 00:00:57,834 --> 00:01:01,884 ELEVEN MONTHS, FOURTEEN DAYS, SIX HOURS, TEN MINUTES, 23 00:01:01,959 --> 00:01:05,289 THREE SECONDS, FOUR SECONDS, FIVE SECONDS... 24 00:01:05,375 --> 00:01:07,035 OOH, NUMBERS. 25 00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,460 LIKE I TOLD MY ALGEBRA TEACHER, 26 00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:12,672 A PLUS B EQUALS "WHY SHOULD I CARE?" 27 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:16,037 DO YOU THINK THAT WILL BE ON THE TEST TOMORROW? 28 00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:21,253 OKAY, YOU TWO CONTINUE THIS HIGH-LEVEL EXCHANGE OF IDEAS... 29 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,706 AND I'LL GET THE ROOM ON TUESDAY. 30 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,582 TUESDAY? NO WAY. 31 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:30,127 THE CHEERLEADERS ARE COMING OVER TO AUDITION FOR MY SHOW. 32 00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:32,250 DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO CONVINCE THEM THAT 33 00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:35,133 I'M DIRECTING A NEW PLAY CALLED HOMESCHOOL MUSICAL? 34 00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:38,627 DO THAT AGAIN! I HEARD THE OCEAN! 35 00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:42,881 WAS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO CONVINCE THEM? 36 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:46,245 WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT TUESDAY THAT'S SO IMPORTANT ANYWAY? 37 00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:49,673 MY STUDENT TOLERANCE CLUB HAS A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING. 38 00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:51,750 WE'RE PLANNING A RALLY IN SUPPORT OF THE PALE KID 39 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:53,174 WHO SMELLS LIKE PIZZA DOUGH. 40 00:01:55,125 --> 00:01:56,745 SOUNDS LIKE A STORM! 41 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,670 LOOK, MY MEETING IS HAPPENING. 42 00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:04,130 IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'LL GET TO HAVE FRIENDS OVER 43 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:07,208 SINCE MY MOM MARRIED YOUR DAD AND RUINED MY LIFE. 44 00:02:07,291 --> 00:02:08,421 YOUR LIFE IS RUINED? 45 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,250 SINCE YOU MOVED IN, THERE ARE SIGN UP SHEETS EVERYWHERE. 46 00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:14,583 THERE'S A SIGN UP SHEET IN THE BATHROOM. WHO CAN TIME THAT? 47 00:02:15,291 --> 00:02:18,501 EVERY DAY AT 8:00 AND 4:30. WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT? 48 00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:20,253 ( both continue arguing ) 49 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,881 I KNOW YOU SAID BE PATIENT 50 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:25,249 AND EVENTUALLY WE'D COME TOGETHER AS A REAL FAMILY, 51 00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:27,673 BUT THOSE TWO WILL NOT STOP GOING AT IT! 52 00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,500 ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I'M GONNA GO IN THERE AND SET THEM STRAIGHT. 53 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,293 -THEY NEED TO KNOW-- -SHH! 54 00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:33,997 ARE YOU FOND OF THAT FINGER? 55 00:02:35,917 --> 00:02:37,707 HONEY, WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS. 56 00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:40,332 INTERVENING AT THIS POINT WOULD NOT BE A GOOD IDEA. 57 00:02:40,417 --> 00:02:44,207 Both: SIBLINGS MUST DEVELOP THEIR OWN TOOLS FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION. 58 00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,710 IT'S ALL HERE IN THE FOREMOST GUIDE TO PARENTING, 59 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:52,502 WRITTEN BY A MAN REFERRED TO AS THE BRIGHTEST MIND IN CHILD PSYCHOLOGY. 60 00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:56,995 DADDY! DADDY! 61 00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,633 Stan: THAT'S CHLOE. 62 00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,669 THEY SAY PSYCHOLOGISTS' KIDS ARE MESSED UP, 63 00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:01,960 BUT SHE'S DOING OKAY. 64 00:03:02,041 --> 00:03:04,581 THERE'S A MONSTER CHASING ME! 65 00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:07,287 Stan: I SAID "OKAY," NOT "GREAT." 66 00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:12,132 UM, CHLOE, SWEETIE, LISTEN... 67 00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:16,957 THERE IS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT THAT I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND. 68 00:03:17,625 --> 00:03:21,245 -( roars ) -( screaming ) 69 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:23,583 AND NOW SHE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE MONSTERS. 70 00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:26,080 AS FOR THOSE TWO, 71 00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:29,166 I HAVE A PLAN THAT WILL BE EQUALLY EFFECTIVE. 72 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,210 ( screaming ) 73 00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:36,415 KIDS, I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. 74 00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:39,708 ( all exclaim ) 75 00:03:40,458 --> 00:03:41,998 HIS NAME IS STAN. 76 00:03:42,083 --> 00:03:43,673 HE'S A RESCUE FROM THE SHELTER. 77 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,500 ( all exclaim ) 78 00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:48,883 Stan: HEY, LOOK, IT'S ME! I'M THE DOG! 79 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,080 THERE'S THE SUGAR! 80 00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:55,792 THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A DOG! 81 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:57,245 MOM WOULD NEVER LET ME GET ONE. 82 00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:59,293 I DIDN'T SAY "NEVER." 83 00:03:59,375 --> 00:04:01,075 I SAID "NEVER-WEVER" BECAUSE YOU WERE THREE 84 00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:02,206 AND IT TOOK THE EDGE OFF. 85 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,207 YOU KNOW I'M A CAT PERSON. 86 00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:09,291 Stan: ELLEN JENNINGS. I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHOSE SLIPPERS I'LL BE EATING FIRST. 87 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,210 OH, THIS IS SUCH AN AWESOME SURPRISE! 88 00:04:13,291 --> 00:04:16,461 YEAH. ( chuckles ) IT'S A SURPRISE FOR ALL OF US! 89 00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:19,746 LOOK, YOU WOULDN'T BE SO SURPRISED 90 00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:22,004 IF YOU JUST READ CHAPTER NINE IN MY BOOK. 91 00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:25,633 HONEY, NOBODY'S GOTTEN TO CHAPTER NINE IN YOUR BOOK. 92 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,377 WATCH THE GENIUS OF THIS. 93 00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:32,708 ( clears throat ) NOW, KIDS, THIS DOG IS FOR ALL OF YOU. 94 00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:35,832 SO YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER TO TAKE CARE OF HIM, 95 00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:37,287 OR YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM. 96 00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:40,710 Stan: BENNETT JAMES. A LITTLE FULL OF HIMSELF. 97 00:04:40,792 --> 00:04:42,882 SNIFFED HIS BUTT, NOT IMPRESSED. 98 00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:46,173 I GUESS A DOG COULD BE KIND OF FUN. 99 00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,037 FETCH. 100 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,290 ( all laugh ) 101 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,625 YEAH, IT'S CUTE UNTIL SHE CHASES A CAR. 102 00:04:56,333 --> 00:05:00,833 AND THAT'S THE STORY OF HOW... THE KIDS FOUND OUT I COULD TALK. 103 00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,463 NO, WAIT. I DIDN'T GET TO THAT PART OF MY BLOG YET. 104 00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:07,132 I'LL DO THAT AFTER MY NEW PRODUCT REVIEW. 105 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:11,078 HUH, SMELLS LIKE RUBBER, TASTES LIKE RUBBER... 106 00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:13,456 -( squeaks ) -WHOA, IT SQUEAKS! 107 00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:16,042 I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! 108 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,125 ♪♪ 109 00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:38,131 WHY ARE YOU SITTING IN MY CHAIR? WHERE'S MY SANDWICH? 110 00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:40,248 THERE WAS A TURKEY SANDWICH RIGHT HERE ON THIS PLATE, 111 00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:41,383 AND NOW IT'S GONE. 112 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:44,790 YOU ATE IT, DIDN'T YOU? 113 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:48,575 YOU SANDWICH-EATING, SLIPPER-STEALING, DIRTY, ROTTEN-- 114 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:50,077 -MOM. -WHAT? NO. WHAT? 115 00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:53,036 ARE YOU TALKING TO THE DOG? 116 00:05:53,792 --> 00:05:56,082 LOOK, I DON'T LIKE HIM, AND HE KNOWS THAT. 117 00:05:56,166 --> 00:05:58,246 AND HE'S STEALING FROM ME. HE ATE MY SANDWICH. 118 00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:01,293 AND THERE'S FIVE DOLLARS MISSING FROM MY PURSE. 119 00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:02,995 IS THAT A NEW COLLAR? WHERE'D HE GET THAT COLLAR? 120 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:06,501 IT'S THE SAME COLLAR HE'S ALWAYS HAD. 121 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:10,673 OKAY, OKAY. MAYBE I OVERREACTED. 122 00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:13,670 YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THE BEST OF ME? I HAVE THUMBS. ( clicks tongue ) 123 00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:19,958 DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER, STAN. WHO'S MY BOY? WHO'S MY BOY? 124 00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:23,381 Stan: I'M YOUR BOY! I'M YOUR BOY! 125 00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:26,918 WHAT AM I GONNA DO, STAN? MY MEETING IS TONIGHT. 126 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,130 AND TYLER'S STILL HAVING HIS CHEERLEADERS OVER. 127 00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:32,288 Stan: OH, PLEASE BE GETTING DOG FOOD! PLEASE BE GETTING DOG FOOD! 128 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,170 YES! 129 00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:37,708 I'VE HAD NOTHING TO EAT SINCE THAT TURKEY SANDWICH I HAD YESTERDAY-- 130 00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:40,832 OR A FEW MINUTES AGO. I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME. 131 00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:45,543 IF I CANCEL, THE STUDENT TOLERANCE CLUB WILL HATE ME. 132 00:06:45,625 --> 00:06:48,825 DON'T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU. THOSE KIDS ARE VICIOUS! 133 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,745 Stan: WELL, I WISH I COULD JUST ASK FOR THE FOOD, 134 00:06:52,834 --> 00:06:55,794 BUT ME TALKING, NO, NO, THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS GO SO WELL. 135 00:06:56,375 --> 00:07:00,325 DON'T TAKE ME AWAY! I'M NOT CRAZY! MY DOG CAN REALLY TALK! 136 00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:02,377 DOG, SAY SOMETHING! 137 00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:05,288 OH, TELL THEM THAT JOKE YOU TOLD ME! 138 00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:09,503 SORRY, I HAD A MOUTHFUL OF PEANUT BUTTER! 139 00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:13,416 SOMEHOW I ALWAYS END UP BACK AT THE SHELTER. 140 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,170 BUT I WANT THIS TIME TO BE DIFFERENT. 141 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,580 I-I WANNA BE A FULL MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. 142 00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:19,997 I'LL TELL THEM EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! 143 00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:21,833 WHEN I KNOW I CAN TRUST THEM. 144 00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:25,667 YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE, STAN. 145 00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:28,710 I FINALLY HAVE SOMEBODY IN THE FAMILY I CAN ACTUALLY TALK TO. 146 00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:31,292 Stan: AW, YOU'RE A GOOD KID. 147 00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:34,205 NOW BE A GREAT KID AND HIT ME WITH SOME KIBBLE, HUH? 148 00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:39,080 OKAY, AVERY, I WORKED OUT A COMPROMISE FOR TONIGHT. 149 00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:40,786 I GET TO HAVE MY CHEERLEADERS OVER, 150 00:07:40,875 --> 00:07:44,495 AND YOU GET TO HEAR WHAT FUN SOUND LIKE FROM BEHIND YOUR CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. 151 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:47,884 YOU'RE WELCOME. 152 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:50,129 YOU JUST ATE DOG FOOD. YOU'RE WELCOME. 153 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,248 -( spitting ) -( laughs ) 154 00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:57,043 Stan: OH, THE BACON-FLAVOR SPRAY. I LOVE THE BACON-FLAVOR SPRAY! 155 00:07:57,125 --> 00:07:59,035 ALL RIGHT, HOLD IT TOGETHER, MAN. 156 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,495 DON'T TALK. JUST KEEP IT COOL, BABY. 157 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,077 LOOK, I GET THE FAMILY ROOM. IT'S IN THE HOUSE RULES. 158 00:08:06,917 --> 00:08:09,127 AND I SHOULD KNOW, I WROTE THEM. 159 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,458 AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, YOU CAN TAKE IT UP 160 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,130 WITH THE CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE RULES COMMITTEE-- 161 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:14,998 RIGHT HERE. 162 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:19,879 GIVE ME THE STINKING FOOD! I'M DROOLING A POOL OVER HERE! 163 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,380 DID HE JUST... TALK? 164 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,328 Stan: THINK FAST AND COVER QUICKLY. 165 00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:30,247 UH, NO. I MEAN, WOOF. 166 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,213 HE DID IT AGAIN! 167 00:08:33,291 --> 00:08:35,581 NO, I DIDN'T. I SAID "WOOF." 168 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,290 REALLY? STILL PROCESSING? 169 00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:51,246 WHAT KIND OF A DOG SAYS "PROCESSING"? 170 00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:53,503 WHAT KIND OF A DOG SAYS ANYTHING? 171 00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:55,535 HOW CAN YOU TALK? 172 00:08:55,625 --> 00:08:57,375 AH, IT'S A FREAK THING. 173 00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:00,538 IT'S LIKE A FIFTH PAW OR A-- OR A NINTH NIPPLE. 174 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,375 I WAS BORN THIS WAY. HOLD ON A SEC. 175 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,790 SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT I GOTTA DO. 176 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,383 ( barking and growling ) 177 00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:12,958 SORRY. 178 00:09:17,875 --> 00:09:19,495 WHERE WAS I? OH, RIGHT. 179 00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:22,333 I WAS BLOWING YOUR MINDS. 180 00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:26,039 I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU YET, 'CAUSE IT ALWAYS MESSES THINGS UP. 181 00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:33,498 WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT WHAT MAKES YOU TALK, AND I'M GONNA BECOME RICH. 182 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,083 HELP! HELP! 183 00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:38,996 HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. I'M STILL A DOG. 184 00:09:39,083 --> 00:09:42,503 ( barking and growling ) 185 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,790 OH, AND I'M TAKING YOUR FRENCH POODLE WITH ME. 186 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:48,995 WE HAVE KIND OF A THING GOING. 187 00:09:49,917 --> 00:09:53,457 PANTENE, PUT ON YOUR LITTLE SWEATER AND MEET ME AT THE DOGGIE DOOR! 188 00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:58,665 DON'T WORRY, BUDDY. WE'D NEVER LET ANYONE DO SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS ON YOU. 189 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:01,250 -I LOVE YOU. -AND I HATE SCIENCE. 190 00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:05,421 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I'VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS. 191 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,210 I'M FINALLY PART OF A FAMILY. 192 00:10:07,291 --> 00:10:09,711 NO, BUT WE JUST CAN'T LET MOM AND DAD FIND OUT. 193 00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:13,502 I MEAN, DAD WOULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT, MOM WOULD FREAK, 194 00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:16,083 AND DAD WOULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT MOM FREAKING. 195 00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,286 THERE'D BE FREAKING BOOKS EVERYWHERE! 196 00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:21,042 THIS IS AWESOME! 197 00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:24,035 AND TO CELEBRATE, LET'S GET SNOUT-DEEP IN KIBBLE! 198 00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:25,575 STAN CAN TALK. 199 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:27,922 STAN CAN TALK! 200 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,500 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, HE CAN'T. 201 00:10:29,583 --> 00:10:32,333 YOU'RE HAVING A DREAM YOU'RE SLEEPWALKING. GO BACK TO BED. 202 00:10:34,375 --> 00:10:35,665 OKAY. 203 00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:38,825 REALLY? YOU'RE BUYING THAT? 204 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:43,213 STAN CAN TALK! STAN CAN TALK! STAN CAN TALK! 205 00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:46,961 OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE? CHLOE, YOU'VE GOT AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION! 206 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:49,251 NO, HE TALKS LIKE A PERSON! 207 00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:52,333 HE SAID, "LET'S GET SNOUT-DEEP IN KIBBLE!" 208 00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:55,917 CHLOE, IT IS NOT OKAY TO LIE. 209 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,380 NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM. THERE'S A PONY WAITING FOR YOU. 210 00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,578 YAY! 211 00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:04,041 NOW SHE'LL ASSOCIATE LYING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT. 212 00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:07,331 HONEY, I LOVE YOU, I RESPECT YOU. 213 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,877 I ASK YOU THIS ONLY AS A SUPPORTIVE WIFE-- 214 00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:12,039 DID YOU GET YOUR PhD ONLINE? 215 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,328 MAN, CHLOE ALMOST BLEW IT FOR US. 216 00:11:17,417 --> 00:11:19,747 GOOD THING NO ONE BELIEVES A 42-YEAR-OLD. 217 00:11:19,834 --> 00:11:21,294 SHE'S SIX. 218 00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:24,075 ALL RIGHT, I JUST DON'T GET HOW YOU PEOPLE COUNT YEARS. 219 00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:27,536 LOOK, THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOUR SECRET IS STILL SAFE. 220 00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:30,915 -OH, I COULDN'T BEAR TO LOSE YOU, BUDDY. -AW, THAT'S REAL NICE. 221 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,920 OH, BUT DON'T SQUEEZE TOO HARD, I JUST DRANK A LOT OF WATER. 222 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,580 OH, TOO LATE. GOTTA GO DROWN SOME ANTS. 223 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,423 SO, COULDN'T BEAR TO LOSE HIM, HUH? 224 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,630 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, 225 00:11:41,709 --> 00:11:44,079 EITHER I GET THE FAMILY ROOM TONIGHT FOR MY CHEERLEADERS, 226 00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:47,246 OR I TELL DAD STAN CAN TALK AND CHLOE'S NOT A WACKO. 227 00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:48,833 WHERE'S MY PONY?! 228 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,000 YOU WOULDN'T TELL DAD STAN CAN TALK. 229 00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:57,333 I HAVE 15 CHEERLEADERS COMING OVER. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF. 230 00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:00,173 YOU'RE BLUFFING. YOU HAVE THAT DUMB LOOK ON YOUR FACE. 231 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:01,540 PROVES NOTHING. ( chuckles ) 232 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,540 I ALWAYS HAVE THIS DUMB LOOK ON MY FACE. 233 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,791 Avery: I'M NOT BUYING IT. 234 00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:09,455 THEY'LL DO EXPERIMENTS ON STAN AND WE'LL LOSE HIM. 235 00:12:09,542 --> 00:12:10,792 YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT. 236 00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:12,535 Tyler: ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE THAT CHANCE? 237 00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:15,495 GO AHEAD, TELL DAD STAN CAN TALK. 238 00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:18,043 I DON'T CARE. HE'S JUST A STUPID DOG. 239 00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:21,125 YOU CAN'T FOOL ME. YOU LOVE STAN. 240 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,458 I'M NOT TRYING TO FOOL YOU. 241 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:23,922 THIS ISN'T LIKE WHEN I CONVINCED YOU 242 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,330 PLANET OF THE APES WAS BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 243 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:31,127 AND YOU KNOW, IF YOU SELL OUT STAN, I'LL GET ANOTHER DOG. 244 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,498 ( whimpers ) 245 00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:34,173 ALL RIGHT, FINE. 246 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:38,746 ( sighs ) I'M NOT GONNA TELL DAD. 247 00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:41,174 I KNEW YOU WERE BLUFFING. 248 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,670 I DO LOVE STAN. 249 00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:45,170 AND I KNEW YOU WERE BLUFFING ABOUT PLANET OF THE APES. 250 00:12:45,834 --> 00:12:47,254 WAS I? 251 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,253 ( making ape sounds ) 252 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,582 MY PONY'S NOT OUT HERE. 253 00:12:57,667 --> 00:13:00,577 THERE IS NO PONY. AND NOW THERE'S NO TALKING DOG. 254 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:03,207 AND NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE CARES ABOUT ANYONE. 255 00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:07,962 IN CARTOONS, TALKING ANIMALS ARE HAPPY! 256 00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:14,285 ( siren wails in distance ) 257 00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,245 Stan: THEY TOLD ME I WAS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY, 258 00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:17,753 AND I FELL FOR IT. 259 00:13:17,834 --> 00:13:21,134 BUT THEY'RE JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS, SO I BOLTED. 260 00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:23,538 ORIGINALLY I WAS JUST GOING OUTSIDE TO CHILL, 261 00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:26,125 BUT A CAR DROVE BY AND I CHASED IT! 262 00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,328 NOW I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM. 263 00:13:31,291 --> 00:13:33,211 -WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE RAN AWAY? -HE DID THIS. 264 00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:42,165 I CAN'T BELIEVE STAN RAN AWAY. HE MUST HAVE HEARD WHAT WE WERE SAYING. 265 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,880 YOU KNOW, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. 266 00:13:44,959 --> 00:13:47,999 -YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA TELL DAD. -YOU SAID HE WAS A STUPID DOG. 267 00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:50,673 I ONLY SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME. 268 00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,460 I'VE LIVED IN THIS HOUSE FOR A YEAR NOW, 269 00:13:52,542 --> 00:13:54,752 AND YOU'VE DONE NOTHING TO ACT LIKE A BROTHER TO ME. 270 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,504 AND NOW YOU'VE DRIVEN AWAY THE ONE THING THAT I CARED ABOUT MOST. 271 00:13:57,583 --> 00:13:59,003 ( crying ) 272 00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:02,213 ( sighs ) OKAY. NO, NO, NO, NO, DON'T CRY. 273 00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:03,831 WE'LL GET HIM BACK. 274 00:14:03,917 --> 00:14:06,497 I'LL TELL DAD AND HE CAN DRIVE US AROUND AND THEN-- 275 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:08,173 NO, YOU HEARD WHAT THEY SAID. 276 00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,540 IF WE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HIM, WE CAN'T KEEP HIM. 277 00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:13,079 IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT WE HAVE TO DO. 278 00:14:13,709 --> 00:14:15,669 FIND ANOTHER DOG THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE STAN 279 00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:16,830 AND TEACH HIM HOW TO TALK. 280 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,040 NO. WE HAVE TO FIND HIM OURSELVES. 281 00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,285 OKAY, IF YOU WANNA DO IT THE HARD WAY. 282 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:27,003 WHERE WOULD A RUNAWAY DOG WIND UP? 283 00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:28,285 Both: THE SHELTER! 284 00:14:28,375 --> 00:14:31,705 HEY, DON'T TALK AT THE SAME TIME LIKE WE'RE IN SYNC OR SOMETHING. 285 00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:33,042 'CAUSE WE'RE NOT. 286 00:14:33,709 --> 00:14:35,289 -Both: LET'S GO. -STOP IT! 287 00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:39,628 ( dogs barking ) 288 00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:41,999 I WISH I COULD HELP YOU, BUT SORRY. 289 00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:44,293 Stan: SOME GUY NAMED GLEN. DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM. MOVING ON. 290 00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:50,246 I CAN'T RELEASE YOUR DOG UNTIL AN ADULT PAYS FOR THE $500 IN DAMAGES HE CAUSED. 291 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,213 WAIT, WHAT DAMAGES? WHAT'D HE DO? 292 00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:56,038 Stan: "ADOPT A POODLE"? 293 00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:58,955 DON'T WORRY, LADIES. I'M BUSTING YOU OUT OF HERE. 294 00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,711 ( barks ) 295 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,960 ( all barking ) 296 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:07,461 WAIT, COME BACK! 297 00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:09,752 I'M ADOPTING YOU! 298 00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:13,459 WELL, CAN I AT LEAST LEAVE HIS STUFF FOR HIM? 299 00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:16,582 WE BROUGHT HIS FAVORITE CHEW TOY AND HIS BACON-FLAVORED SPRAY. 300 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,997 AW, YEAH... NO. 301 00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,211 JUST HAVE YOUR PARENTS GIVE US A CALL AT THIS NUMBER, 302 00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:24,171 AND THEY CAN PAY THE FINE. EXCUSE ME. 303 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,575 OH, I GUESS HE DIDN'T GET ALONG WITH YOUR OTHER DOGS. COME ON. 304 00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,207 WELL, THAT'S OKAY. 305 00:15:30,291 --> 00:15:31,961 WAIT, NO, WE CAN'T! 306 00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,461 THE SIGN CLEARLY SAYS "NO ADMITTANCE"! 307 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,832 SOMETHING YOU'LL HEAR A LOT WHEN YOU APPLY TO COLLEGE. 308 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:39,665 HEY, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU. 309 00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:42,420 I'M GOING IN TO GET STAN. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT. 310 00:15:48,875 --> 00:15:50,245 SERIOUSLY? 311 00:15:54,917 --> 00:15:56,037 STAN! 312 00:15:56,125 --> 00:15:59,825 WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS. MY EX-PEOPLE. 313 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,997 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE, BECAUSE IT IS OVER 314 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:05,003 AND I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! 315 00:16:05,917 --> 00:16:08,417 NO, WE DIDN'T MEAN THE THINGS WE SAID. 316 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,710 WE LOVE YOU, STAN. 317 00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:11,132 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 318 00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:14,498 IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN EMPTY WORDS TO WIN ME OVER. 319 00:16:14,583 --> 00:16:15,923 I BROUGHT YOU YOUR FAVORITE TREAT. 320 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,290 I LOVE YOU! LET'S GO HOME! 321 00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:21,915 BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW HOW TO GET BACK, RIGHT? 322 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,460 WAIT. 323 00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:25,959 HOME? 324 00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:28,542 MY STUDENT TOLERANCE CLUB? 325 00:16:28,625 --> 00:16:30,165 I NEVER CANCELLED. 326 00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:32,665 I NEVER CANCELLED MY CHEERLEADERS. 327 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,671 ADOLESCENTS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE IN GROUP SETTINGS. 328 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:45,710 TRUST ME, I'M AN EXPERT. IT'S UP TO US TO BREAK THE ICE. 329 00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:47,998 ♪ I'VE GOT TO MOVE NOW ♪ 330 00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:50,633 OH! IT'S A DANCE PARTY HAPPENING! 331 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:52,880 COME ON, HONEY! GET OUT HERE! GET OUT HERE! 332 00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:54,419 I DON'T THINK SO. NO. 333 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,250 -WHO'S FEELING IT? -I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW. 334 00:16:59,291 --> 00:17:01,501 ONE, TWO, THREE, AND FOUR. 335 00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:05,827 ♪ I GOT TO MOVE MY BODY ♪ 336 00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,792 ♪ SHAKE MY BODY ♪ 337 00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:12,705 I'M TEXTING THE CHEERLEADERS AND TELLING THEM TO CALL OFF THE MEETING. 338 00:17:13,542 --> 00:17:15,712 NOW, I HAVE A PLAN TO GET STAN OUT OF HERE. 339 00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:17,922 HERE, STAN, CALL THIS NUMBER. 340 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,495 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BREAK SOME MORE RULES. ARE YOU WITH US? 341 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,173 LET'S DO IT! ( laughs ) 342 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:33,497 I SAID BREAK SOME RULES, NOT JUST, LIKE, RANDOM RULES. 343 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:37,415 OH, SORRY. I'M NEW AT THIS. 344 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,125 ( phone rings ) 345 00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:43,628 PASADENA ANIMAL SHELTER. 346 00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:47,079 THIS IS YOUR BOSS SPEAKING! RELEASE ALL THE DOGS IMMEDIATELY! 347 00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,125 Tyler: THERE'S THE CAGE DOOR SWITCH. 348 00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:51,918 YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS. 349 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,540 THAT'S NOT EVEN WHAT HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE. 350 00:17:54,208 --> 00:17:56,378 -Stan: OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS? -NO. 351 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,500 Stan: DOES YOUR BOSS BE A PIRATE, ARGH? 352 00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:02,923 -Glen: NO. -THANKS, MAN. 353 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,290 WE'LL JUST TAKE OUR DOG AND BE GOING. 354 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,285 -NO, WAIT, YOU CAN'T! -WHO'S GONNA STOP US? 355 00:18:07,375 --> 00:18:09,125 A MAN WHO SMELLS LIKE BACON? 356 00:18:10,125 --> 00:18:11,245 COME ON! 357 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,673 ( dogs barking ) 358 00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:17,920 ( screams ) 359 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,000 ( laughing ) THAT TICKLES! THAT TICKLES! 360 00:18:22,083 --> 00:18:23,503 WE DID IT! 361 00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:25,537 WE DIDN'T DO IT! 362 00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:33,416 Bennett: AND THEN YOUR FRIEND READ US YOUR TEXT SAYING 363 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,920 THAT YOU WERE AT THE SHELTER TRYING TO GET YOUR DOG. 364 00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:41,128 I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN BOTH OF YOU. 365 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:44,328 ESPECIALLY YOU, AVERY. WE EXPECT MORE FROM YOU. 366 00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:45,707 YOU DON'T EXPECT MORE FROM ME? 367 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,632 I'M JUST HOPING FOR A HAIRCUT OUT OF YOU. 368 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:53,080 I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU DESERVE TO KEEP THAT DOG, AVERY. 369 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,076 OH, GOOD IDEA, BENNETT! 370 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,706 NOW ALL WE NEED IS SOME "DOG FOR SALE" FLYERS. 371 00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:59,332 OH, LOOK, HERE'S A THOUSAND THAT MIGHT WORK IN A PINCH. 372 00:19:00,792 --> 00:19:03,712 YOU CAN'T TAKE THE DOG. AVERY LOVES THAT DOG. 373 00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,422 AND SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. 374 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,167 THIS WHOLE THING WAS MY FAULT. 375 00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:10,329 YOU'RE STICKING UP FOR ME. 376 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:14,747 HEY, IT'S ABOUT TIME I STARTED ACTING LIKE A BROTHER. 377 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,580 THANKS. 378 00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,165 ( coughs ) WHOA! 379 00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:23,170 A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY WITH THE BODY SPRAY. 380 00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:27,538 LOOK, BENNETT! THE KIDS WERE HUGGING! I'M COMING IN! 381 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:28,955 I'M GETTING IN ON THIS ACTION! 382 00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:30,791 ( all chuckle ) 383 00:19:30,875 --> 00:19:33,495 IF WE'RE HAVING A FAMILY HUG, SHOULDN'T SOMEBODY GO GET CHLOE? 384 00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:36,503 -I'M RIGHT HERE! -( all laugh ) 385 00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:39,378 WHOA! ( laughs ) 386 00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:41,788 SEE, I TOLD YOU THIS DOG WOULD BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER. 387 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:43,955 NOT SURE IT WAS WORTH IT. 388 00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:48,963 Stan: AND WE ALL FORGAVE EACH OTHER FOR EVERYTHING. 389 00:19:49,709 --> 00:19:51,669 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE FAMILY. 390 00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:54,917 SO IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER PETS OUT THERE WHO ARE READING THIS BLOG, 391 00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:58,125 I HOPE THAT YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU 392 00:19:58,917 --> 00:20:01,287 AS MUCH AS MY NEW FAMILY LOVES ME. 393 00:20:01,375 --> 00:20:04,165 -AND SEND. -( clicks ) 394 00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:07,040 NOW FOR MY OWN LITTLE DOGGIE TREAT. 395 00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:08,245 ( laughs ) 396 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:27,250 "HOT POODLES"? 397 00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:30,383 BENNETT, WE ARE NOT GETTING ANOTHER DOG! 398 00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:33,961 I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUT A BELL ON HER. 399 00:20:39,875 --> 00:20:42,415 COME ON, STAN. YOU CAN DO IT. 400 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,290 "I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU." 401 00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:47,245 ( barks "I love you." ) 402 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,583 -( laughs ) -HE DID IT! 403 00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:52,417 I GUESS CHLOE WAS RIGHT! HE REALLY CAN TALK! 404 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:54,750 WHERE IS CHLOE? 405 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,544 I FOUND HIM! 406 00:20:59,208 --> 00:21:00,918 -DID YOU? -I DIDN'T. 407 00:21:04,291 --> 00:21:06,331 THE KID WANTED A PONY. 408 00:21:06,417 --> 00:21:08,247 WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? 409 00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,384 ♪♪ 410 00:21:11,458 --> 00:21:12,708 ( boing ) 31397

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