Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,696
Okay, so our next act, a very funny man.
2
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,898
Please make him feel welcome.
Jeff Nichols.
3
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:34,034
[applause]
4
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,673
Hi. My name is Jeff,
5
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,109
and I'm an alcoholic.
6
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,544
Hi, Jeff.
Hi, Jeff.
7
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,014
I have severe learning disabilities,
8
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:50,818
which have plagued me my whole life.
9
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:54,988
I've been diagnosed with ADD, dyslexia,
10
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,024
and a mild case of Tourette's Syndrome.
11
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,026
I have trouble balancing, which doctors have told me
12
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,795
is inner ear related, but it's not.
13
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,997
It's more associated with the word "balance"
14
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,167
than with balance itself.
15
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,569
The good news is that none of these problems, however,
16
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,839
are the result of my addiction to alcohol.
17
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,674
I've been sober for almost ten years.
18
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,610
[applause]
19
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:22,150
I've always wanted to do good, you know?
20
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:25,319
Kind of be a hero.
[snickers]
21
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,827
Even on the day that made me get sober,
22
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,164
I started out with the best intentions.
23
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:40,268
My mommy had lined up a job for me.
24
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:44,205
All I had to do was pass the interview.
25
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,379
Sorry.
26
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,282
Oh, it's..
27
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,783
Got it.
28
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,286
It's..
29
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,326
Good morning.
Morning.
30
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,761
I already put the shirt on.
I'm just gonna wear it.
31
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,631
Right. One yellow Oxford.
32
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,200
Yellow?
33
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,235
Yellow? I thought this was white.
34
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,803
No. It's yellow.
35
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:21,909
It is. It is yellow.
36
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,245
I don't.. Maybe I should get a white one.
37
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:27,047
You know, I've got a big job interview today.
38
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:30,083
It's just that these guys, they
wear traditional white Oxford shirts.
39
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,319
It's kind of the standard, you know?
40
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,854
I think the yellow looks nicer on you.
41
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,790
How can you tell if you like it better
if you haven't seen me in the white?
42
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:41,229
I can tell when your face is red,
so the yellow tones it down a bit.
43
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,330
It's cute.
44
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,535
You don't think it's too yellow, do you?
45
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,669
No.
46
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,104
This is very important, you know.
47
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,607
I'm thinking maybe I should get both.
48
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,343
No. I think I should get white.
49
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,345
Listen, if you want the white one, it's right there.
50
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,112
You can just grab it.
51
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:01,982
I don't want to create a problem for you.
I just..
52
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:05,619
[sighs]
I don't know.
53
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,822
I should get a white one.
54
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,891
Can you just tell me one more time..
55
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:14,295
do you like the yellow?
56
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,397
I do. Yes.
57
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,633
Promise?
58
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:20,868
Yes, I promise.
59
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,639
Hey. How are you?
60
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,942
Uh, Jeff Nichols.
I'm here for the interview.
61
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,012
Just sit down with the others.
62
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,347
[Jeff]
Fuck!
63
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:42,656
I'll be right back.
64
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,459
Jesus Christ. Relax.
65
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:55,102
Do you think this shirt looks good on me?
66
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,305
It looks fine.
67
00:03:57,405 --> 00:04:00,708
It's not too noticeable, is it?
68
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:03,043
Why would it be?
69
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,346
Because it's yellow.
70
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:08,349
No. I didn't even notice.
[zip]
71
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,352
Thanks, man.
[urinal flushes]
72
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,326
He's right.
73
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:21,829
Work it to own it because you're in it to win it.
74
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,931
[man] Cathy, would you be a doll
75
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,899
and send in the next interviewee?
76
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,635
Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
77
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:31,372
Would the gentleman in the
yellow shirt come up here?
78
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,883
[Jeff narrating]
Before Mommy found out about the job interview,
79
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,352
I wanted to make her proud.
80
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,920
Fucking idiot!
81
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,456
I hate you!
82
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:51,024
I just needed my stuff on this boat to do it.
83
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,193
You watch!
If I can't land her a job,
84
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,363
I'm going to land her a fish!
85
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,699
The only thing that makes me feel good,
86
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,969
that lifts me up and tells me that I'm worthy
87
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,438
is when I catch a fish.
88
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,273
Nothing's like it.
89
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,876
Nothing makes you feel better.
90
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,811
Mommy! Mommy!
91
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:14,147
What is it, sweetie?
Did you catch one?
92
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,416
Yeah.
93
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:20,220
Here, let me get it.
Your first fish.
94
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:23,757
Look at that!
Should we let him go?
95
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,993
Yeah.
Okay.
96
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,296
You want to say goodbye?
97
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,432
Bye.
Goodbye, Mr. Fish.
98
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,000
Go on.
Go away.
99
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,437
Jeff, I'm so proud of you.
100
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,475
[Mommy] Do you like fishing?
Do you want to fish some more?
101
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:44,011
Yeah.
You're my hero, sweetie.
102
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,246
[Mommy] That was the biggest fish
I've ever seen.
103
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,949
You are really a great fisherman.
104
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,952
[bell clanging]
105
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,255
[train horn blaring]
106
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,924
[tires screech]
107
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,492
[screams]
108
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,497
[panting]
109
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,834
Oh, thank God!
Thank God!
110
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:20,347
♪ Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed ♪
111
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,516
♪ Late at night I toss and I turn ♪
112
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,819
♪ And I dream of what I need
113
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,088
♪ I need a hero
114
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:32,292
♪ I'm holding out for at hero
'til the end of the night ♪
115
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:35,496
♪ He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast ♪
116
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,566
♪ And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
117
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,168
♪ I need a hero
118
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:45,105
♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light ♪
Whoo!
119
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,308
♪ He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon ♪
120
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,311
♪ And he's gotta be larger than life ♪
121
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,582
♪ Larger than life ♪
122
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,488
Whoo!
123
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:03,123
Yeah, baby! Whoo-hoo!
124
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,392
Yeah, Mama, I got your fish!
125
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:09,096
Whoo-hoo! I'm gonna make you proud, Mama!
126
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,700
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo!
127
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,904
♪ I need a hero
128
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,711
[panting]
129
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,581
Yeah! Hah!
130
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,985
[panting]
131
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,961
This makes things a whole lot better.
132
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,934
Mother of God!
133
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:51,872
When the Coast Guard gets here, you tell
them you saw a woman, and she ran that way.
134
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,042
You're cool, guys.
Stay true to yourselves.
135
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,044
What an idiot.
136
00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,648
I don't remember how I got back to the city,
137
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,651
but I know I got mugged.
138
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,388
By some miracle, I made it home.
139
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,057
He doesn't. You're right.
140
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,459
Well, I almost made it home.
141
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,062
Well, as long as it makes him happy.
142
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,764
Fine with me.
143
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,299
[Jeff groans]
144
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,869
Oh, my God.
145
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,671
Oh, my God!
146
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,973
Jeff.
Morning.
147
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:29,242
Jeff. Oh, sweetie!
148
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,579
Are you okay?
Mommy.
149
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,446
Oh, sweetie, what did you do?
150
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,583
I don't think I got the job, Mommy.
151
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,685
But you know what still bugs me?
152
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:40,153
I submit as a fact that the single hardest thing
153
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,956
for a person with learning
disabilities like mine to do
154
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,424
is to captain a boat.
155
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,594
There's so many things to take care of.
156
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,429
You got the electrical system,
157
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,231
you got the hull, the lines,
158
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,433
the radio, the paint, the weather.
159
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,435
It's endless!
160
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,971
I don't want to blame Mike for letting me use his boat,
161
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,608
but I will say that he didn't
show the best judgment either.
162
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:04,011
Then there's my mom, You're deflecting, man.
163
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,446
Hey, come on, no cross talk.
164
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,282
Some might call it deflecting, some might call it fact.
165
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,451
I've identified the enemy, details.
166
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:13,286
[timer ringing]
167
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,724
I'm sorry. If everybody's gonna
get a chance to share tonight,
168
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,726
we need to limit the sharing to five minutes.
169
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:22,129
I didn't get to say what I wanted to say.
170
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:25,633
What do you want to say?
171
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,000
Isn't it hot in here?
172
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,636
What do you say we vote to turn down the heat?
173
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,971
Please. Just hurry up, finish your share.
174
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,973
But I can't with all this pressure!
175
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,507
Then shut the fuck up!
176
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,476
Hey, come on! No acting out!
177
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,647
Well, then tell this asshole to shut the fuck up
178
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,982
and let somebody else speak!
179
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:45,218
I am detoxifying here, man!
180
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:52,660
And what he's saying, he's got me so
confused I think I'm gonna fucking snap!
181
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,798
Thanks for letting me share.
182
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,402
Hi. My name is Jeff, and I'm an alcoholic.
183
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,604
[women]
Hi, Jeff.
184
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,306
What I've been trying to say...
185
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:10,310
is that I don't want to blame it on the program.
186
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,546
But I've spent almost a decade
187
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:17,084
thinking that the most important
thing in my life is staying sober
188
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:21,221
while everyone else I know has gone
on to do great things with their lives.
189
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:25,092
And all I do is sneak into gyms
and substitute teach on the side,
190
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,293
not that I'm bad at it.
191
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,529
I'm actually pretty good.
192
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,165
I just don't find it fulfilling.
193
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:36,336
[kids screaming]
194
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,678
All right!
Fuck geography!
195
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:48,181
Let's play Simon says!
Simon says do this!
196
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:51,118
I... love... school!
197
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:54,121
Books... are... good!
198
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,690
Reading... is... good!
199
00:10:56,790 --> 00:11:00,728
You! You, you're out, you're out. Seriously.
200
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,235
I'm...
201
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:13,240
I'm alone all the time.
202
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,176
It hurts to feel lonely.
203
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,779
And I'm ashamed to admit it,
204
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,580
but I've been avoiding calling Lenny,
205
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,650
the guy I'm mentoring for over a week now.
206
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,186
I think at the Serene Horizon meeting on Thursday
207
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,389
I'm just going to have to cut Lenny loose.
208
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,760
I know I should be trying to help
him for my benefit as well as his,
209
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:37,397
but I just don't have the strength right now.
210
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,767
You see, my Tourette's Syndrome
211
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:44,271
has been creating a real shit-storm lately.
212
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,775
For hours during the night,
I've involuntarily been playing
213
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:51,178
a game of fantasy basketball in my head.
214
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:05,558
This ain't no game, man!
215
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:09,529
That's a foul!
216
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,498
I love you, Jeff!
217
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,466
[blows whistle]
218
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,805
Pushing!
219
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,372
What?
220
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,941
It's debilitating.
221
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,676
What? That's not a foul!
222
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,813
I'll show you a foul!
223
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,380
I'll fuckin' kill you, Ref!
224
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,716
Hoo! You're out of here!
225
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:32,319
Oh, my God!
They're clearing the benches!
226
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,923
[Speaking Spanish]
227
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:39,392
[man] Motherfucker, I told you to quit clapping!
228
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,830
Sorry. I'll turn the TV down.
229
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,906
Since I was very young,
230
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,442
I've always had the same dream.
231
00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,547
[female voice]
Jeff? Jeff?
232
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,349
Yes, you.
233
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,854
Your job is to put the red balls in the red bin
234
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:10,223
and to put the yellow balls in the yellow bin
235
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,961
and to put the blue balls in the blue bin.
236
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,228
Got it?
237
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,330
Yup.
Good.
238
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,211
Yay, Jeff!
239
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,046
Good!
240
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,085
Good job, sweetie!
241
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,454
You are so good at this!
242
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,390
[Jeff] It's a simple dream.
243
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,926
And all the details go away.
244
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,895
It comforts me.
245
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,729
Thanks for letting me share.
246
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:52,532
Thanks, Jeff.
Thanks, Jeff.
247
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,301
That was a great share, Jeff.
248
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:57,337
So your message is just to keep it simple?
249
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,439
Yeah.
250
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:03,443
What did you think of the famous
Serene Horizon meeting? Did you share?
251
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:06,579
Yeah, I shared.
Jeff, weren't you listening?
252
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,817
Yeah, I was.
How you doing, man?
253
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,752
Well, it's been tough this past two weeks,
254
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,755
not drinking and losing my job over at Con-Ed
255
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:16,924
'cause I really loved that.
256
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,758
It's the only thing I cared about.
257
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,928
And I'm lonely.
258
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:24,297
I'm so lonely.
I haven't touched a woman in three months.
259
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:29,002
Well, I got a message for you.. masturbation helps.
260
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,805
I need another meeting.
That's a good idea.
261
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,507
Why don't you call me if you have any problems?
262
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,842
Your phone's disconnected.
263
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,245
It'll be connected soon.
I promise.
264
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,315
Why don't I just give you my
address and you come over sometime?
265
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,953
I think that'll be best. I live
in an SRO. It's really crowded.
266
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,587
As a matter of fact they let
me have a roommate, it's so crowded.
267
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:48,956
He moved out 'cause of my drinking.
268
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,058
Lenny, why don't I call you, okay?
269
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:54,027
I'm really in a state right now, okay?
270
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,796
I told you, man.
I've been in ten years,
271
00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:02,435
but I'm really not qualified to help you, okay?
272
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,773
Here. Just write it down.
273
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,475
Great.
274
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,316
I think it'd be great if you come over sometime.
275
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,817
Take care, man.
276
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,486
Don't drink.
All right.
277
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:23,991
Hi. Excuse me.
278
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,994
Hi. I'm sorry that I forgot the donuts.
279
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,861
Oh, no, that wasn't..
280
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:33,000
No, I just.. I actually wanted to ask you a question.
281
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,003
Maybe we can talk about it over coffee.
282
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,005
Well, I've had about six cups already,
283
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,040
but if you want to grab another one..
284
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,843
You know, I don't really like coffee.
285
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:46,446
Why don't we just go to my place?
286
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,821
Sure.
287
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,090
[woman moans]
288
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:00,427
Oh, Jeff. Oh, yeah.
289
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,096
[moaning continues]
290
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,098
Yep.
291
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,035
Thanks.
292
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,506
Okay.
293
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:18,045
Do you want one?
No.
294
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,126
[sighs]
295
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,596
Lynn Brody.
296
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,433
I thought you said your name was Ferguson.
297
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,734
It is Ferguson.
298
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,404
My fiancé's last name is Brody.
299
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:48,841
Fiancé?
Should I be worried?
300
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,077
No.
301
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,944
No. He's in Dubai.
302
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,681
He's gone three weeks out of the month on business.
303
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,217
This is his apartment.
304
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:02,089
It's very neat.
Almost intimidating.
305
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:05,692
That's Terry.
He's very particular.
306
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,195
I wasn't doing so well when I first met him.
307
00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:13,100
So if I can go for two years
without acting out, he'll marry me.
308
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,934
I don't have to work or anything.
309
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,837
I just have to go to meetings and try not to screw up.
310
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:20,940
Is this a screw-up?
311
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:24,911
Probably, but I think I can cover your tracks.
312
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,647
Oh, good.
313
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,150
[coughs]
Why are you marrying him?
314
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,653
[sighs]
I don't know.
315
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,157
He takes care of me.
Is that wrong?
316
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,992
No, not at all.
317
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:43,330
I have a very similar relationship with my mommy.
318
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:51,638
Since I already broke one rule,
319
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,807
do you mind if I break another?
320
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,645
Sex? More sex?
321
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,280
Are you ready for that?
322
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,251
I could use another hour.
323
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,253
No. It's something else.
324
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,355
Sure.
Okay.
325
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:13,626
Okay, this is really weird.
It's not my passion or anything,
326
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:17,164
but it's just something that I
like to do, and Terry hates it.
327
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,166
[chuckles]
328
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,668
Don't worry.
Okay.
329
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:22,969
Ready?
330
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,572
Yep.
You sure?
331
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,475
Yes.
Okay.
332
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,777
Here I come.
333
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,880
♪♪ [humming]
334
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,187
♪ Another night the stars are bright ♪
335
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,589
♪ But I know things just aren't quite right ♪
336
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:46,826
♪ I'm sad and blue
337
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,295
♪ Oh, please, Mr. Moon
338
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,697
♪ Oh, won't you bring to me soon ♪
339
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,867
♪ A love that's oh, so true
340
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,670
♪ Got a whole lotta love in my heart ♪
341
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:02,309
♪ But no one to give it to
342
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,878
♪ Waiting for you
343
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:10,950
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
344
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,553
♪ Waiting for you ♪
345
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:18,291
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
346
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,228
Wow. Wow.
347
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,029
That was amazing.
You liked it?
348
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,232
Yeah.
349
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,934
I learned it in my song and dance class.
350
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,070
I don't know what to say.
That was amazing.
351
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,306
Terry is the luckiest guy I've ever heard of.
352
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,242
Why wouldn't he like that?
353
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,510
And what the fuck is he doing in Dubai?
354
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:41,248
It's not like you're a pole dancer or anything.
355
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:49,055
Jeff, there's something I-I should tell you.
356
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,723
Okay.
357
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:55,127
But I don't want to.
358
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:57,697
I just want you to know that I'm...
359
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,267
bent, not broken.
360
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,336
Broken's cool, too.
361
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,642
I like you.
362
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,711
You're funny.
363
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,746
You should be a comedian.
364
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,348
Really? You think so?
Yeah. Yeah.
365
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,116
It's interesting that you say that
366
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,718
because I've been told by a certain authority figure
367
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,353
that I have a good stage presence.
368
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,921
Commanding, even.
369
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,757
My stepdad got me a spot on the Luggage Channel once.
370
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,059
Did you see it?
371
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,395
No.
372
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:32,732
Well, maybe they'll show a rerun someday.
373
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,667
I'm sure you were great.
374
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,804
I mean, I love your shares.
375
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,239
They make me feel better about myself.
376
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,777
I should go.
I'm sorry.
377
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,714
Oh, Jeff, I didn't mean it like that.
378
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,683
No! That was so insensitive. I didn't mean that.
379
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,719
No, no, it's okay.
380
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:58,425
I haven't been with a woman in a long time, and, uh,
381
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:03,463
you're beautiful and intelligent and really amazing.
382
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:08,000
And to be perfectly honest,
you're just too good for me.
383
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,371
I can see that.
You will, too, soon, so...
384
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:15,442
I'm just gonna get my stuff and go.
385
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:17,477
I'm pretty sure that you're
not gonna wanna see me again.
386
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:19,746
That's fine.
387
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:23,983
If you don't want me to go to
the Serene Horizon meeting, that's okay.
388
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:27,387
'Cause there are plenty of meetings
for me to go to. Jeff...
389
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,357
Don't worry.
Oh, my God.
390
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,225
What?
391
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,094
W-What is..
Is that blood?
392
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,964
Are you bleeding?
393
00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:43,836
Uh-oh.
394
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,972
That's not...
395
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:50,076
I-I have no idea what that is.
396
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,414
[sniffs]
Ohh...
397
00:22:01,588 --> 00:22:03,556
It could be yours.
398
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:14,401
I'll leave my number in the kitchen.
399
00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:21,408
Damn it.
400
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:30,149
I don't know what to say.
I.. I was so nervous.
401
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,519
Drank a lot coffee.
402
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:33,953
And she was on top.
403
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:36,756
[laughter]
404
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:40,460
Yeah, I guess it's pretty funny
that I squirted in her bed.
405
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,429
[chuckling]
406
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,764
That is, until you realize this
was the first girl that I've kissed
407
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,434
in three years.
408
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:56,443
When she said "bent not broken,"
409
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:59,446
it felt so good to hear that.
410
00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:04,651
That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
411
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:11,357
Well, I had to get that off my chest.
412
00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:13,092
Thanks for letting me share.
413
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,528
[all]
Thanks, Jeff.
414
00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:21,067
[Foreign Language]
415
00:23:26,205 --> 00:23:27,974
Samy, what's going on?
416
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,341
You're out!
417
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:31,478
I told you no clap!
You continue to clap!
418
00:23:31,544 --> 00:23:34,547
What are you talking about?
You clap all night long!
419
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,483
Hah hah hah hah hah!
420
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:38,551
The neighbors complain.
I can't take it anymore!
421
00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:41,153
This is illegal.
You gotta give me an eviction notice.
422
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,790
I give you three!
Well, I haven't received one.
423
00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:46,859
Here. Look.
424
00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:49,095
What?
425
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,600
Well, they were hidden in the menus.
426
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:56,703
I don't care. You're out. Right now.
427
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:05,111
Whoa.
428
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:07,013
You did a nice job of organizing that.
429
00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:08,515
Huh?
430
00:24:08,581 --> 00:24:10,382
I said you did a nice job of organizing that.
431
00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:15,522
The way you separated the trash
bags and hung your bike helmet,
432
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:17,089
it's impressive.
433
00:24:23,530 --> 00:24:26,298
Do I know you from the shelter on 151st?
434
00:24:26,566 --> 00:24:28,234
No.
435
00:24:28,334 --> 00:24:31,538
I'm sorry. I'm not homeless.
I'm just moving.
436
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:34,974
[laughs]
Me, too, bub.
437
00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:37,577
Have a taste.
438
00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:38,911
Nah. I don't drink.
439
00:24:39,011 --> 00:24:40,580
That's cool.
440
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,082
Just moving. Good one.
441
00:24:48,621 --> 00:24:50,590
Hey, Lenny, I'm borrowing your soap.
442
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,424
[Lenny shouts] When you're done, rinse it off.
443
00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:55,562
I don't want any ball hairs on it!
444
00:24:56,596 --> 00:24:58,565
[knocks]
445
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:01,668
Hey!
446
00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:04,070
Hey.
Hey, hey!
447
00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:05,972
Thanks for letting me stay here.
448
00:25:06,072 --> 00:25:08,274
Sure. Come on in.
449
00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:10,142
All right.
450
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:11,978
Whoa.
451
00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:13,212
I get the top bunk bed, right?
452
00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:14,747
Top bunk's yours.
453
00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:19,151
You know, I, uh...
454
00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:22,589
I never really kissed a girl until I was 25.
455
00:25:22,655 --> 00:25:24,591
Oh. Really?
456
00:25:24,691 --> 00:25:29,095
I mean, I had sex before that
with a girl in a massage parlor.
457
00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:32,464
But I'd never kissed a girl.
458
00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:34,634
It was kind of weird, you know.
459
00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:36,703
I used to think I was gay.
460
00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:39,939
Oh. There was a time when
everyone thought that I was gay.
461
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,608
Really?
462
00:25:41,674 --> 00:25:44,611
Yeah. It was right around when my mommy married Mike.
463
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,613
Mommy?
464
00:25:46,679 --> 00:25:49,048
He worked in the city, so we'd
stay in his apartment during the week,
465
00:25:49,148 --> 00:25:54,721
and then at his house on the weekends in Westchester.
466
00:25:54,821 --> 00:25:57,957
The change scared me.
467
00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:02,094
So Mike bought me a giant stuffed
puma to make me feel better.
468
00:26:03,696 --> 00:26:05,665
[laughs]
469
00:26:05,765 --> 00:26:09,235
Oh, look.
He just loves that puma.
470
00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:11,971
Wow! He's so big...
471
00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:13,973
and lifelike.
472
00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:16,108
[Mommy laughs]
473
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:19,145
I-I named it after a girl I had a crush on.
474
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:21,513
Her name was Scotty.
475
00:26:21,648 --> 00:26:25,251
Okay, Scotty, we're gonna play
a little game called "I win".
476
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,358
Gotcha!
477
00:26:33,660 --> 00:26:38,064
Scotty, are you okay?
Scotty?
478
00:26:38,164 --> 00:26:39,231
I'm just kidding.
479
00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,668
I would never hurt you.
480
00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:43,069
Got you again!
481
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:46,005
[grunting]
482
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:51,043
That puma was my best friend.
He was my only friend.
483
00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:54,781
So I guess my mommy thought I was a little weird
484
00:26:54,881 --> 00:26:58,484
that I was spending so much time with a puma.
485
00:26:58,685 --> 00:27:01,187
[Mommy] Jeff?
486
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,755
Where are you, sweetie?
487
00:27:05,257 --> 00:27:07,393
Jeff?
488
00:27:10,697 --> 00:27:11,864
Jeff?
489
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:17,303
Jeff, are you in there, sweetie?
490
00:27:34,721 --> 00:27:36,723
Scotty.
491
00:27:36,789 --> 00:27:40,192
There's nothing wrong with what
happened between you and Scotty.
492
00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:42,729
It's okay.
493
00:27:42,795 --> 00:27:45,732
It's okay to be gay.
494
00:27:45,798 --> 00:27:50,136
But, Mommy, I'm not gay.
Scotty's a girl.
495
00:27:50,236 --> 00:27:52,238
But Scotty's a boy's name.
496
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:53,505
No.
497
00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,207
She's a girl.
498
00:27:55,307 --> 00:27:57,376
Okay, whatever you say, sweetie,
499
00:27:57,476 --> 00:28:03,750
but I think it's best if Scotty goes to puma heaven.
500
00:28:03,783 --> 00:28:07,153
Why, Mommy? I mean, Scotty's my only friend.
501
00:28:07,253 --> 00:28:08,620
Sweetie, if Scotty were your friend,
502
00:28:08,755 --> 00:28:10,589
you wouldn't stick your penis inside of him.
503
00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:13,225
Please! Mommy!
504
00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:15,361
It's not true!
Sweetie, I'm sorry.
505
00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:20,232
She's my friend!
She's a girl!
506
00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:21,868
Here, just give me the puma, sweetie.
507
00:28:21,968 --> 00:28:25,838
I wouldn't do that to her.
There you go.
508
00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:28,775
It's okay, sweetie.
Okay, Scotty, let's go.
509
00:28:28,841 --> 00:28:31,778
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry.
510
00:28:31,844 --> 00:28:33,780
It's okay.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
511
00:28:33,846 --> 00:28:38,785
The saddest thing is that now that my-my confidence
512
00:28:38,851 --> 00:28:41,788
is so severely crippled because
of my learning disabilities,
513
00:28:41,854 --> 00:28:46,092
and my balls are sagging so low
that I tuck them into my sock,
514
00:28:46,192 --> 00:28:48,127
I look back at the whole thing, I just wish to hell
515
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:50,662
that I'd fucked the shit out of that puma, you know?
516
00:28:50,797 --> 00:28:52,799
Gay or straight.
I don't give a shit.
517
00:28:55,001 --> 00:28:56,702
You know what I mean?
518
00:28:56,803 --> 00:29:01,373
That's the fuckin' weirdest story I've ever heard.
519
00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:04,811
But it makes me feel better because
nothing like that ever happened to me.
520
00:29:04,911 --> 00:29:08,280
Yeah, well, I'm glad I could help.
521
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:12,852
Is that like a furry tail I
see sticking out from the bed?
522
00:29:12,952 --> 00:29:14,386
You got a puma up there?
523
00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:15,387
Fuck you, man.
524
00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:17,656
You're funny, Jeff.
525
00:29:17,824 --> 00:29:20,927
You're funny.
[woman moans]
526
00:29:21,027 --> 00:29:23,662
The walk of shame.
527
00:29:23,830 --> 00:29:26,165
Headed home from a meeting on a Friday night.
528
00:29:26,265 --> 00:29:28,667
College girls, bars,
529
00:29:28,835 --> 00:29:32,338
all the booze in the world and not a drop to drink.
530
00:29:32,438 --> 00:29:34,740
How's your coffee?
Good.
531
00:29:34,841 --> 00:29:40,112
I put some cinnamon in it to make it less bitter.
532
00:29:40,212 --> 00:29:41,881
Do you mix it in?
533
00:29:41,981 --> 00:29:43,850
No. It's just on top.
534
00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,685
I recently switched back from skim to whole.
535
00:29:46,853 --> 00:29:49,188
There's really no comparison between the two.
536
00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:50,689
What about the calories?
537
00:29:50,857 --> 00:29:54,360
Fuck those calories.
I use a lot of sugar anyway.
538
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:56,929
You are a madman, Jeff.
539
00:29:57,029 --> 00:29:58,898
Yeah.
540
00:30:01,934 --> 00:30:04,703
[wolf whistle]
541
00:30:04,937 --> 00:30:06,705
Whoa. Lenny.
542
00:30:06,906 --> 00:30:08,374
You want to go in?
543
00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:10,242
It's a bar.
544
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,311
It's a comedy club.
Open mic night.
545
00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:14,746
They serve drinks in there, Jeff.
Yeah, I know.
546
00:30:14,847 --> 00:30:18,250
I shouldn't go into a place where
they serve alcohol. You know what they say.
547
00:30:18,350 --> 00:30:21,220
If you're gonna hang out in a barbershop,
you're bound to get a haircut.
548
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:26,625
Besides I thought stand-up
comedy was like the new karaoke.
549
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:27,994
You ever do karaoke?
550
00:30:28,094 --> 00:30:30,863
Yeah, all the time when I was fucked up.
551
00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:34,433
Oh, man. I can't do karaoke anymore.
552
00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:36,402
I hadn't even considered that.
553
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:39,471
That's gonna be a tough one to give up.
That's gonna suck.
554
00:30:39,571 --> 00:30:43,809
I used to love to get hammered
and just sing my heart out.
555
00:30:43,910 --> 00:30:45,777
I'd even start bawling, man.
556
00:30:45,878 --> 00:30:48,114
It was fuckin' beautiful.
557
00:30:50,616 --> 00:30:52,952
How the hell am I supposed to break into comedy?
558
00:30:53,052 --> 00:30:55,321
I don't know.
Get a comedy how-to book.
559
00:30:55,421 --> 00:30:57,623
They gotta have 'em.
560
00:30:57,723 --> 00:31:02,528
Lenny, I'd don't know if I told
you this, but I have dyslexia, okay?
561
00:31:02,628 --> 00:31:04,931
I can barely read.
562
00:31:04,964 --> 00:31:07,299
Speaking of which, did you go
the library reading I told you about?
563
00:31:07,399 --> 00:31:09,001
Yeah, and guess who I saw there.
564
00:31:09,101 --> 00:31:10,369
Lynn?
565
00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:13,039
[women shouting] Suck, suck, suck, suck!
566
00:31:13,139 --> 00:31:16,976
Suck, suck, suck, suck!
Suck, suck, suck, suck!
567
00:31:19,946 --> 00:31:22,148
I got to get to another meeting.
568
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:27,053
Don't drink!
569
00:31:30,589 --> 00:31:33,960
Lynn's comment about being a comedian really hit home.
570
00:31:34,026 --> 00:31:38,064
I've got good stage presence.
Some say commanding.
571
00:31:38,164 --> 00:31:40,967
And the next big question is...
572
00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:45,004
should I let this thing with Lynn go?
573
00:31:45,104 --> 00:31:46,973
I wish you guys would tell me.
574
00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:51,110
If I shit in your bed, would
you give me a second chance?
575
00:31:52,111 --> 00:31:53,079
Stick to pumas.
576
00:31:53,179 --> 00:31:55,614
[laughter]
577
00:31:58,617 --> 00:32:00,719
Scotty was a girl puma.
578
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:03,055
She was my friend.
579
00:32:04,690 --> 00:32:06,492
That's not funny.
580
00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:09,628
You sure you said you'd bring her to the 3:30 meeting?
581
00:32:09,728 --> 00:32:13,499
For the 50th time, yeah.
582
00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:17,103
You know, this sobriety thing is starting to work.
583
00:32:17,203 --> 00:32:19,005
I think I got a job.
584
00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:21,007
That's great.
That's really great.
585
00:32:21,073 --> 00:32:23,109
Listen, do you think I'll look smart
586
00:32:23,209 --> 00:32:24,443
if she sees me with this?
587
00:32:24,543 --> 00:32:25,511
Absolutely.
588
00:32:25,611 --> 00:32:27,046
One regular coffee.
589
00:32:27,146 --> 00:32:31,117
One super mocha choco-latte with extra whipped.
590
00:32:31,217 --> 00:32:32,618
That looks good.
591
00:32:32,718 --> 00:32:34,020
It's a little special treat I'm giving myself
592
00:32:34,086 --> 00:32:37,523
for cracking my first book in like ten years.
593
00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:40,626
Mm! Wow!
That's piping hot, too.
594
00:32:40,726 --> 00:32:42,228
You got it all over your face.
595
00:32:43,495 --> 00:32:44,663
Wow.
596
00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:48,834
Missed some.
597
00:32:49,068 --> 00:32:51,037
Thanks.
598
00:32:51,070 --> 00:32:53,039
Okay. I'm gonna strike a pose, okay?
599
00:32:53,105 --> 00:32:57,143
You just keep your eye out for her.
Just cough or something when you see her.
600
00:32:57,243 --> 00:32:59,045
All right.
601
00:33:02,248 --> 00:33:04,250
[Jeff reads aloud]
602
00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:17,429
Ohh! Ohh!
603
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:19,065
Ohhhh!
604
00:33:19,165 --> 00:33:23,069
[screaming continues]
605
00:33:25,271 --> 00:33:27,073
Jeff!
A rag, please.
606
00:33:27,173 --> 00:33:29,875
What's going on?
Here.
607
00:33:30,142 --> 00:33:31,510
Jeff.
608
00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:32,678
Hi, Lenny.
609
00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:34,713
Oh, hi.
610
00:33:36,615 --> 00:33:39,985
Pour that in your lap.
Okay.
611
00:33:40,086 --> 00:33:43,755
Ah. That feels good.
Yeah, that feels good,
612
00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:47,159
You know, I tried calling you,
but your phone got shut off.
613
00:33:47,259 --> 00:33:49,495
Yeah. I tried to get in touch with you, too.
614
00:33:49,595 --> 00:33:51,097
If you need new sheets..
615
00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:53,699
It's all right.
616
00:33:53,799 --> 00:33:55,834
Put those teabags on the burn.
617
00:33:56,102 --> 00:33:57,569
Okay.
618
00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:00,172
Ooh.
619
00:34:00,272 --> 00:34:03,109
That feels good.
It's a good trick.
620
00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:04,710
How did you learn this stuff?
621
00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:06,845
Took a CPR and Home Remedy Class.
622
00:34:07,113 --> 00:34:08,847
You're gonna be fine.
623
00:34:09,115 --> 00:34:12,017
[blows]
Ooh.
624
00:34:12,118 --> 00:34:14,953
The burn doesn't really look that bad at all.
625
00:34:15,121 --> 00:34:18,124
That's..
That's perfect.
626
00:34:18,190 --> 00:34:20,792
You want to get a cup of coffee?
627
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:23,629
I don't really like coffee.
628
00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:27,133
I wish we could go back to my place,
but Terry's in town,
629
00:34:27,233 --> 00:34:29,201
He's leaving for Japan tomorrow, though.
630
00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:33,805
Why don't you meet me at the
One-Day-At-A-Time Dance on Thursday night?
631
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,474
You know where it is, right?
632
00:34:35,574 --> 00:34:37,143
Yeah.
633
00:34:37,243 --> 00:34:38,677
All right.
634
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:41,247
Keep those bags pressed gently for 20 more minutes.
635
00:34:41,347 --> 00:34:43,014
Okay.
636
00:34:43,149 --> 00:34:45,251
Good to see you.
Bye.
637
00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:49,721
Looks like I shit myself again.
638
00:34:51,690 --> 00:34:53,825
♪ I'd still be...
639
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:57,629
If I had a bottle of Jack, I'd let it rip.
640
00:34:57,729 --> 00:34:59,998
Well, just get up there then.
641
00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:03,169
Yeah. Without being drunk.
Sure.
642
00:35:03,235 --> 00:35:06,004
Yeah. Just get up there and rip it.
643
00:35:06,172 --> 00:35:08,174
Rip it. Rip it.
Just like that?
644
00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:10,176
Go up and rip it.
645
00:35:10,276 --> 00:35:11,310
Yep.
646
00:35:15,181 --> 00:35:17,816
Oh, man, your girl's here.
647
00:35:17,916 --> 00:35:21,187
Shit. All right.
You know what?
648
00:35:21,253 --> 00:35:23,189
This one's for you.
I'm gonna rip it.
649
00:35:23,289 --> 00:35:25,191
Good luck. Here.
650
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:32,298
Wow. You look beautiful.
651
00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:42,107
You want to dance or sing a song?
652
00:35:42,208 --> 00:35:44,976
I don't sing or dance in public.
653
00:35:45,211 --> 00:35:46,578
Right.
654
00:35:46,678 --> 00:35:48,614
[Jeff singing off-key]
655
00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:52,751
♪ Just rock me, baby Rock me, baby, all night long ♪
656
00:35:52,851 --> 00:35:54,420
You want a cup of coffee?
657
00:35:58,224 --> 00:36:01,393
Why don't we just go back to my place?
658
00:36:04,963 --> 00:36:07,699
[off-key singing continues]
659
00:36:09,235 --> 00:36:13,104
♪ I don't know where we come from ♪
660
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,242
♪ Don't know where we're going to ♪
661
00:36:25,984 --> 00:36:30,722
Before I left, I told the
doorman that I called the plumber.
662
00:36:30,822 --> 00:36:32,057
Be the plumber.
663
00:36:32,324 --> 00:36:33,859
I will.
664
00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:36,161
♪ You can cut my hair
665
00:36:36,262 --> 00:36:38,264
♪ You can fill my cup
666
00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:39,865
[Doorman] Good evening, Miss Brody.
667
00:36:39,965 --> 00:36:40,932
Hi.
668
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:42,868
♪ You can make it up
669
00:36:42,968 --> 00:36:48,474
♪ We're gonna make it after all ♪
670
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:51,977
I'm the plumber.
671
00:36:52,077 --> 00:36:55,281
Swing this Travelmore bag over your shoulder
672
00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,748
and hit the town.
673
00:36:56,848 --> 00:36:58,950
Its contemporary no-hands design
674
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,387
is perfect for quick trips or everyday use.
675
00:37:01,487 --> 00:37:03,289
That's not how you hold a bag.
676
00:37:03,389 --> 00:37:05,391
Lynn, you gotta look at this clown.
677
00:37:05,491 --> 00:37:09,395
He's got no stage presence whatsoever.
678
00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:10,962
I hope you like Eggs Benedict.
679
00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:13,732
I made the Hollandaise sauce from scratch.
680
00:37:13,832 --> 00:37:15,301
I don't know how good it is.
681
00:37:15,367 --> 00:37:17,769
I just learned how to make it in my cooking class.
682
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:19,305
It looks great.
683
00:37:19,405 --> 00:37:21,407
I made the plate, too.
684
00:37:21,507 --> 00:37:23,742
How come you're so good at everything in your classes?
685
00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:24,976
I don't know.
686
00:37:25,076 --> 00:37:26,945
I always was good at stuff like that.
687
00:37:27,045 --> 00:37:31,216
You know, I used to be a consultant.
I have an MBA.
688
00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:33,319
Of course, I'm a CPA, as well.
689
00:37:33,385 --> 00:37:37,723
Jesus Christ, you're intimidating
the hell out of me right now.
690
00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:39,325
Why don't you work?
691
00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:41,327
I don't know.
Fear, I guess.
692
00:37:41,393 --> 00:37:43,729
I wasn't doing that well when I first got sober.
693
00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:47,833
I feel like I'm just keeping
it together right now, you know?
694
00:37:47,933 --> 00:37:51,870
Yeah, I hear you.
Holy shit!
695
00:37:52,904 --> 00:37:54,039
Whoa, man! Whoa!
696
00:37:55,507 --> 00:37:58,677
I'd sell my balls for a boat like this.
697
00:37:58,777 --> 00:37:59,845
Or any boat, for that matter.
698
00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:02,348
Well, you could probably sell your car
699
00:38:02,414 --> 00:38:04,450
and get a dinghy.
700
00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:06,352
That's a good point.
701
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:09,020
Aside from the fact that my car's my mommy's,
702
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,458
buying a boat like this is only half the battle.
703
00:38:12,558 --> 00:38:13,959
They're complicated.
704
00:38:14,059 --> 00:38:15,461
I've already sunk one.
705
00:38:15,561 --> 00:38:18,730
Oh.
706
00:38:18,830 --> 00:38:22,934
I hate to state the obvious, Lynn, but
Terry's a hell of a lot older than you.
707
00:38:23,034 --> 00:38:25,371
I noticed denture cleaner in the bathroom.
708
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,838
He's got a bridge.
709
00:38:26,938 --> 00:38:29,107
He's European.
710
00:38:29,207 --> 00:38:31,276
Do you find him attractive?
I used to.
711
00:38:31,377 --> 00:38:34,380
But it wasn't about his looks, you know?
712
00:38:34,446 --> 00:38:38,884
He makes me feel safe and taken
care of, which I like.
713
00:38:38,984 --> 00:38:42,454
Of course, he's a little bit
uptight, kind of controlling
714
00:38:42,554 --> 00:38:45,223
and a bit of a workaholic.
715
00:38:45,391 --> 00:38:49,160
You know, it's funny I always
pictured myself with someone more creative,
716
00:38:49,395 --> 00:38:50,762
like a writer.
717
00:38:50,862 --> 00:38:54,265
God, that'd be cool, right? A writer.
718
00:38:54,466 --> 00:38:56,468
I could be his muse.
719
00:38:57,903 --> 00:39:01,039
Well, maybe you could be my muse.
720
00:39:01,139 --> 00:39:02,841
Oh, who does this asshole think he is?
721
00:39:02,941 --> 00:39:05,444
John McEnroe?
722
00:39:06,912 --> 00:39:09,515
So, uh, you find writers attractive?
723
00:39:09,615 --> 00:39:11,550
Yeah.
724
00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:17,423
I'm pretty sick of this drive every day.
725
00:39:17,523 --> 00:39:20,258
Your first step is to get organized.
726
00:39:20,426 --> 00:39:22,461
Sloppy thinking leads to sloppy writing,
727
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:26,164
so what you've got to do is you've
got to get your head in order.
728
00:39:26,432 --> 00:39:27,433
[click]
729
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,268
If you don't do something impressive,
730
00:39:30,436 --> 00:39:31,937
Lynn's going to dump your sorry ass.
731
00:39:32,037 --> 00:39:34,105
Keep your filthy tongue off of her.
732
00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:36,141
Face it. You're getting kind of old.
733
00:39:36,241 --> 00:39:38,444
You're not doing shit with your life.
734
00:39:38,544 --> 00:39:40,446
Even bums think you're homeless
735
00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:44,082
That guy was just making an observation.
736
00:39:44,182 --> 00:39:45,884
Forget about him.
737
00:39:45,984 --> 00:39:48,053
He wouldn't say it if there wasn't any truth to it.
738
00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:49,855
Look, that's pure speculation.
739
00:39:49,955 --> 00:39:52,958
Speculate on this: Comedy is karaoke.
740
00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:54,460
Then what about writing?
741
00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:57,463
Writing?
742
00:39:57,563 --> 00:39:58,997
You can barely read.
743
00:40:00,466 --> 00:40:02,968
What do you.. What do you suggest I do, huh?
744
00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:04,770
Get drunk and go gambling.
745
00:40:04,870 --> 00:40:06,104
How would I get the money?
746
00:40:06,204 --> 00:40:09,107
[horn honks]
[shouting]
747
00:40:09,207 --> 00:40:11,076
Get the ball!
Be a puma!
748
00:40:11,176 --> 00:40:13,078
What's wrong with you?
749
00:40:13,178 --> 00:40:17,449
Take it!
I don't wanna play anymore!
750
00:40:17,549 --> 00:40:18,917
Where's the ref!
751
00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:20,852
I'll take a hot dog.
752
00:40:20,952 --> 00:40:21,987
Hi, guys.
753
00:40:22,087 --> 00:40:24,990
[shouting continues]
754
00:40:25,090 --> 00:40:27,425
Get the ball! Get the ball!
Get the ball!
755
00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:29,260
[horn honks]
Yum! Hot dogs!
756
00:40:29,461 --> 00:40:30,596
I love hot dogs!
757
00:40:30,696 --> 00:40:33,699
[shouting]
758
00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:37,035
Hey, asshole!
759
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:39,170
What the fuck are you doing?
760
00:40:40,205 --> 00:40:42,073
So sorry, sorry, sir.
761
00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:43,475
I-It's my Tourette's.
762
00:40:43,575 --> 00:40:45,276
Get the fuck out of the way, man!
763
00:40:45,511 --> 00:40:46,478
Okay.
764
00:40:46,578 --> 00:40:47,679
Dick!
765
00:40:50,649 --> 00:40:54,653
Got another red!
It'll be a minute, buddy!
766
00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,529
Hi.
Don't worry about the doorman.
767
00:41:03,595 --> 00:41:06,598
I told him you stuffed your toilet.
768
00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:09,367
Lynn, I need your advice.
769
00:41:09,535 --> 00:41:12,003
I've been thinking about becoming a comedian or a writer.
770
00:41:12,103 --> 00:41:14,540
I don't know which, and since you're attracted to both,
771
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,275
I could really use your opinion,
772
00:41:17,543 --> 00:41:20,378
You want to be a writer now?
773
00:41:20,546 --> 00:41:23,014
Like I said, I'm somewhat on the fence.
774
00:41:23,114 --> 00:41:24,950
Well, have you ever written anything?
775
00:41:25,050 --> 00:41:26,552
See, that's the thing.
776
00:41:26,618 --> 00:41:28,987
I've been thinking about becoming a writer
777
00:41:29,087 --> 00:41:31,056
or trying to be a comedian.
778
00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,558
But I don't know.
I don't know.
779
00:41:32,591 --> 00:41:34,125
That's why I'm asking you
780
00:41:34,225 --> 00:41:35,594
because if you think that I could be a writer,
781
00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:37,596
then I would try to write something.
782
00:41:37,696 --> 00:41:40,566
If you think I could be a comedian,
then I would try comedy.
783
00:41:40,599 --> 00:41:42,568
Am I not making any sense here?
784
00:41:42,668 --> 00:41:44,435
Have you ever tried comedy?
785
00:41:44,570 --> 00:41:48,439
Please just choose one.
786
00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:50,576
If you don't think that I could do either thing,
787
00:41:50,642 --> 00:41:52,911
then I could just be a substitute teacher,
for the rest of my life,
788
00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:54,145
which I'm good at.
789
00:41:54,245 --> 00:41:56,147
Could you just please choose one?
790
00:41:56,247 --> 00:41:57,683
You're not getting the point.
791
00:41:57,783 --> 00:41:59,685
What point?
You haven't said anything.
792
00:41:59,785 --> 00:42:02,688
You could be Santa Claus.
793
00:42:09,695 --> 00:42:11,963
Did you just say I could be Santa?
794
00:42:12,063 --> 00:42:13,398
You want my advice?
795
00:42:13,632 --> 00:42:15,266
Yes, please.
796
00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:19,671
Why don't you write a joke?
797
00:42:22,140 --> 00:42:24,009
That's a good idea.
798
00:42:24,109 --> 00:42:26,678
Thank you.
799
00:42:26,778 --> 00:42:30,949
You know, I've been thinking
a lot about my current situation
800
00:42:31,049 --> 00:42:34,452
'cause to look at me, you wouldn't know it,
801
00:42:34,620 --> 00:42:37,022
but I was actually once well taken care of.
802
00:42:37,122 --> 00:42:40,225
My mommy and my stepfather would
takes us to fancy places
803
00:42:40,325 --> 00:42:42,527
like the Ritz, the Waldorf, Four Seasons.
804
00:42:42,628 --> 00:42:45,731
The kind of places where they have
little chocolate mints on the pillows.
805
00:42:45,831 --> 00:42:47,633
Bath salts. I used to eat those things all the time.
806
00:42:47,699 --> 00:42:49,300
It's probably why I'm here.
I don't know.
807
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:53,138
Nice, clean 3,000 thread-counted Egyptian cotton sheets.
808
00:42:53,238 --> 00:42:55,641
I used to order a cheese plate,
809
00:42:55,707 --> 00:42:58,143
massage and pay-per-view porno.
810
00:42:58,243 --> 00:42:59,645
All three at the same time.
811
00:42:59,711 --> 00:43:02,180
I used to call it the Shiatsu Gouda Love Fest.
812
00:43:04,249 --> 00:43:05,751
Nothing. I got nothing.
813
00:43:05,851 --> 00:43:07,653
When I was 12 years old, I used to play board games
814
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,688
with my Ecuadorian nanny named Jade.
815
00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:13,224
Oh, man.
This is embarrassing
816
00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:16,361
She'd play a little game called
"Pocket Pool" in my ball sack.
817
00:43:16,461 --> 00:43:18,664
If she won, I'd give her a foot massage.
818
00:43:18,697 --> 00:43:20,666
She taught me how to drink.
She was 52.
819
00:43:20,766 --> 00:43:24,235
It was fun.
You know, we had good times.
820
00:43:25,837 --> 00:43:27,038
Wake up.
821
00:43:27,138 --> 00:43:28,674
Fuck!
[kicks trash can]
822
00:43:28,707 --> 00:43:32,678
Now I live in a filthy room the size of a tiny closet
823
00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:34,145
with a huge man.
824
00:43:34,245 --> 00:43:36,181
Some people would call it a shit box.
825
00:43:36,281 --> 00:43:37,315
Mommy would call it an armoire.
826
00:43:37,415 --> 00:43:39,350
I don't know what that is.
827
00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:42,487
French? Spanish?
I know it's small.
828
00:43:42,688 --> 00:43:45,791
That's funny, right?
829
00:43:45,891 --> 00:43:47,592
And it's not even my apartment.
830
00:43:47,693 --> 00:43:49,227
It belongs to the guy I'm mentoring,
831
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:52,163
the only person I'm supposed to be taking care of.
832
00:43:52,263 --> 00:43:53,799
But you know what?
833
00:43:53,899 --> 00:43:56,567
There's a lot of benefits to
living in a dump like I do.
834
00:43:56,702 --> 00:43:59,771
For example, can anyone here
claim to have tamed a rat?
835
00:43:59,871 --> 00:44:03,709
[laughter]
836
00:44:05,711 --> 00:44:07,713
Hey, does anyone else want to share?
837
00:44:07,779 --> 00:44:12,117
Why? It's perfect!
[laughs]
838
00:44:12,217 --> 00:44:13,752
Oh, fuck.
839
00:44:13,852 --> 00:44:15,821
That's another one of Mike's buildings.
840
00:44:15,921 --> 00:44:18,423
We used to live there during the week.
841
00:44:18,523 --> 00:44:21,059
Yeah, I was the Prince of Park Avenue then.
842
00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:22,728
Wow.
843
00:44:22,794 --> 00:44:24,730
You want to go inside?
844
00:44:24,796 --> 00:44:27,298
Not allowed.
Had a problem with the tub.
845
00:44:27,398 --> 00:44:32,871
Okay. Why don't you show me
something that's special to you?
846
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,542
Want me to show you how to sneak into a gym?
847
00:44:37,776 --> 00:44:38,744
Yeah.
848
00:44:38,810 --> 00:44:41,212
All right.
You're awesome.
849
00:44:45,150 --> 00:44:46,084
Watch this.
850
00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,820
Hey, Jeff!
851
00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:55,861
♪ Hey, love
852
00:44:55,961 --> 00:45:00,331
♪ I'm ready to be heartbroken
853
00:45:00,431 --> 00:45:02,768
Come back here, dick!
854
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:13,879
[laughing]
855
00:45:13,979 --> 00:45:15,313
Whoa!
856
00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:17,248
Just kidding.
857
00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:20,385
I think I'm in love with you.
858
00:45:20,485 --> 00:45:22,788
Aww...
859
00:45:22,888 --> 00:45:26,624
Shoot. I just remembered.
I have to go home.
860
00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:28,626
Terry's corning into town tonight.
861
00:45:28,860 --> 00:45:31,629
I forgot.
862
00:45:31,797 --> 00:45:34,299
Oh, yeah.
Do you mind if I walk you?
863
00:45:34,399 --> 00:45:37,068
Yeah, okay.
864
00:45:37,168 --> 00:45:38,203
Great.
865
00:45:45,210 --> 00:45:47,612
So I'll see you tomorrow at Kick Starter meeting?
866
00:45:47,846 --> 00:45:50,181
Great.
867
00:45:50,281 --> 00:45:51,883
Bye.
Bye.
868
00:46:04,562 --> 00:46:05,831
Good afternoon.
869
00:46:05,864 --> 00:46:08,266
Terry!
Darling! Here I am.
870
00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:09,901
Home bearing gifts.
871
00:46:10,001 --> 00:46:12,170
Tunisia was not the same without you.
872
00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:14,305
Wow. I missed you so much.
873
00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:17,042
Guess who was on a camel.
874
00:46:22,047 --> 00:46:23,414
Jeff!
875
00:46:23,514 --> 00:46:25,416
Jeff.
876
00:46:25,516 --> 00:46:26,584
It's Brian.
877
00:46:26,852 --> 00:46:27,752
Oh, hey, Brian.
878
00:46:27,853 --> 00:46:30,856
Brian! Hey!
You.. Wha..
879
00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:33,358
We went to boarding school together, honey.
880
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:38,396
This is Daphne, my wife, and that's my daughter Lily.
881
00:46:38,496 --> 00:46:40,731
How are you doing, man?
882
00:46:40,866 --> 00:46:42,167
Really good.
Great.
883
00:46:42,267 --> 00:46:45,370
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Brian, I hate to ask,
884
00:46:45,470 --> 00:46:47,605
but do got a buck or two I could borrow,
885
00:46:47,873 --> 00:46:49,440
or a swipe of a Metro Card.
886
00:46:49,540 --> 00:46:52,878
Anything works for me.
887
00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:59,584
Sure. Uh...
888
00:47:00,986 --> 00:47:03,889
Thanks.
889
00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:06,057
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
890
00:47:37,122 --> 00:47:41,927
♪♪ [jazz]
891
00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:49,935
What?
892
00:47:50,001 --> 00:47:51,002
Nothing.
893
00:47:54,973 --> 00:47:56,374
What?
894
00:48:00,946 --> 00:48:03,548
You don't think I was being honest.
895
00:48:07,485 --> 00:48:09,487
I wasn't even thinking about you.
896
00:48:09,587 --> 00:48:11,990
I was thinking about myself.
897
00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:34,612
When I first quit consulting, I met some older men,
898
00:48:34,712 --> 00:48:37,983
wealthy men who'd take me out on dates.
899
00:48:38,049 --> 00:48:42,387
They were just dates, you know,
dinners and things like that.
900
00:48:42,487 --> 00:48:47,858
But then after a while, they started offering me money.
901
00:48:47,993 --> 00:48:51,529
First, I said no, but then...
902
00:48:51,629 --> 00:48:53,531
I figured why not?
903
00:48:53,631 --> 00:48:56,534
I was drinking and doing a lot of coke.
904
00:48:56,634 --> 00:48:59,670
It just made sense and seemed like a waste if I didn't.
905
00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:02,407
It wasn't actually even all that bad.
906
00:49:02,507 --> 00:49:06,077
Sometimes it was... kind of nice.
907
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:12,683
But then one night, I was really.. I was drunk.
908
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:17,622
And I was pretty far uptown and...
909
00:49:17,722 --> 00:49:22,460
I didn't have any cab fare,
910
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:28,133
so I saw this nice-looking college
kid and propositioned him.
911
00:49:28,233 --> 00:49:31,036
He took me back to his parents' apartment,
912
00:49:31,102 --> 00:49:36,441
and when we got there, he didn't want me to come inside.
913
00:49:36,541 --> 00:49:44,349
I still needed the cab fare,
so I got him off in the hallway.
914
00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:46,051
I blew him.
915
00:49:46,117 --> 00:49:49,154
And when it was over, he paid me and...
916
00:49:49,254 --> 00:49:56,061
I thought I'd just sit down and sober up a little bit.
917
00:49:56,161 --> 00:49:59,130
I passed out.
918
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:05,903
When I woke up, I didn't know where I was.
919
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:10,141
My pants were soaked, so I knew I wet myself.
920
00:50:13,111 --> 00:50:15,746
The hallway was completely empty,
921
00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:18,749
and I couldn't find my way out.
922
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,952
I was lost and alone, and it was..
923
00:50:22,153 --> 00:50:27,158
Hey. Hey, it's okay.
924
00:50:27,258 --> 00:50:30,428
I get lost all the time.
925
00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:32,797
It's very scary.
926
00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:38,035
Jeff, I really like you.
927
00:50:40,805 --> 00:50:45,543
But I can't leave Terry.
928
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:47,044
It's okay.
929
00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:52,550
I'm grateful that I've got
someone in my life right now.
930
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:54,185
And unlike before,
931
00:50:54,285 --> 00:50:56,087
I think a lot of the reason why it works
932
00:50:56,187 --> 00:51:00,625
is because we're on equal terms,
933
00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:02,260
and he respects that,
934
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,730
and I respect myself.
935
00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,566
It's all about honesty.
936
00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,935
Thanks for letting me share.
937
00:51:11,136 --> 00:51:13,204
[women] Thanks, Lynn.
938
00:51:14,605 --> 00:51:16,974
[Jeff] Mommy, I want to ask you a favor.
939
00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:18,143
Mm-hmm.
940
00:51:18,243 --> 00:51:20,145
I'm considering a career change.
941
00:51:20,211 --> 00:51:22,247
Oh, you are?
Yeah.
942
00:51:22,347 --> 00:51:24,615
I was thinking about being a stand-up comic.
943
00:51:24,715 --> 00:51:26,551
There's also a chance for me to write, too.
944
00:51:26,651 --> 00:51:29,987
Jokes at first and then maybe more.
945
00:51:30,155 --> 00:51:31,722
That's terrific. You know, I've always told you,
946
00:51:31,822 --> 00:51:33,691
you have a wonderful stage presence.
947
00:51:33,791 --> 00:51:34,725
Commanding.
Really.
948
00:51:34,825 --> 00:51:36,161
Come on.
949
00:51:36,227 --> 00:51:38,729
But what made you want to change?
950
00:51:38,829 --> 00:51:42,700
I met a girl, and I want to
be able to take care of her.
951
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,535
Thank God it's a girl.
952
00:51:44,635 --> 00:51:46,271
Jesus, Mommy!
953
00:51:46,371 --> 00:51:48,906
I told you Scotty was a female puma!
954
00:51:49,174 --> 00:51:51,008
Okay.
955
00:51:51,176 --> 00:51:55,680
You've only got a couple months
of teaching left before summer break.
956
00:51:55,780 --> 00:51:59,284
Why don't you just finish out
the year and see how you feel then?
957
00:51:59,384 --> 00:52:04,054
That.. That's sensible.
It is very sensible.
958
00:52:04,189 --> 00:52:06,591
I hate taking money from you and Mike,
959
00:52:06,691 --> 00:52:09,026
but, Mommy, there's something you've got to understand.
960
00:52:09,194 --> 00:52:11,061
I'm like an animal at the zoo.
961
00:52:11,196 --> 00:52:13,030
You just can't release me.
962
00:52:13,198 --> 00:52:16,201
You got to ease me back into the wild.
963
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:18,903
Mike, darling.
I'll get my checkbook.
964
00:52:19,003 --> 00:52:22,773
Mike, I swear I'm on the verge
of paying you back for that yacht.
965
00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:24,275
This is just a loan.
966
00:52:24,375 --> 00:52:25,843
Plus I'm going to substitute teach tomorrow.
967
00:52:25,943 --> 00:52:26,977
Something I'm good at.
968
00:52:27,212 --> 00:52:29,614
Quiet!
969
00:52:29,714 --> 00:52:33,418
[kids shouting]
970
00:52:43,394 --> 00:52:45,763
Yeah!
971
00:52:45,863 --> 00:52:47,632
All right!
972
00:52:47,732 --> 00:52:49,234
[school bell ringing]
973
00:52:49,334 --> 00:52:52,136
Mrs. Shelby, the chalk slipped right out of my hand.
974
00:52:52,237 --> 00:52:54,339
I understand.
It's completely natural.
975
00:52:54,439 --> 00:52:59,109
After all, gymnasts use chalk to
powder their hands because it's slippery.
976
00:52:59,244 --> 00:53:01,646
This chalk was.
Clearly.
977
00:53:01,746 --> 00:53:05,149
I don't know if you've been to a
classroom lately, but it's not easy.
978
00:53:05,250 --> 00:53:09,053
I teach mathematics to our mentally
challenged students once a week.
979
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,256
Exactly.
980
00:53:11,322 --> 00:53:13,924
What do you mean, "exactly"?
981
00:53:14,024 --> 00:53:16,827
Well, Mrs. Shelby, wouldn't you say
982
00:53:16,927 --> 00:53:19,330
that the material you teach
your mentally challenged kids
983
00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:22,267
is far easier than what I have to teach mine?
984
00:53:22,333 --> 00:53:25,736
I assume you've mastered third grade mathematics.
985
00:53:25,836 --> 00:53:28,373
Right. Touché.
986
00:53:28,473 --> 00:53:31,141
You know, since you've been subbing with us,
987
00:53:31,276 --> 00:53:34,912
you've lost control of the classroom several times,
988
00:53:35,012 --> 00:53:39,884
often bribing the children with
both money and candy to maintain order.
989
00:53:39,984 --> 00:53:42,119
I never used money.
990
00:53:42,287 --> 00:53:44,822
A month ago you played Simon Says
for so long one student fainted.
991
00:53:44,922 --> 00:53:47,925
I didn't know he had asthma.
I mean, if he had one of those little inhaler things
992
00:53:48,025 --> 00:53:50,160
like strung around his neck..
993
00:53:50,295 --> 00:53:52,162
Screamed profanities at the students,
994
00:53:52,297 --> 00:53:55,199
telling one youngster to, quote,
995
00:53:55,300 --> 00:53:57,768
"Shut your fucking trap."
996
00:53:57,868 --> 00:53:59,304
You're right.
997
00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:01,439
That was wrong.
I shouldn't have done that.
998
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:07,912
The larger issue is you lack presence.
999
00:54:08,012 --> 00:54:11,316
And the students?
1000
00:54:11,416 --> 00:54:14,819
The students, they have no respect for you whatsoever.
1001
00:54:14,919 --> 00:54:19,924
I recommend that you find a job
more suitable to your abilities.
1002
00:54:20,024 --> 00:54:21,792
I got to find something I can do.
1003
00:54:21,892 --> 00:54:23,928
You're funny.
1004
00:54:24,028 --> 00:54:25,963
That does a lot of good.
1005
00:54:26,063 --> 00:54:28,433
The homeless story, that did me a lot of good.
1006
00:54:28,533 --> 00:54:31,068
Okay. What else?
1007
00:54:31,336 --> 00:54:33,237
You're a great friend.
1008
00:54:33,338 --> 00:54:35,340
I'm a funny, great friend.
1009
00:54:35,373 --> 00:54:38,743
A fucking dog in a sweater can do that.
1010
00:54:38,843 --> 00:54:40,411
What about fishing?
You love fishing.
1011
00:54:40,511 --> 00:54:42,347
With my LDs, there's no possible way
1012
00:54:42,447 --> 00:54:44,915
I could be the captain of a fishing boat.
1013
00:54:45,015 --> 00:54:48,953
Jeff, work on somebody else's boat.
1014
00:54:52,823 --> 00:54:54,825
Hi.
Hi.
1015
00:54:54,925 --> 00:54:56,394
How you doing?
Good.
1016
00:54:56,494 --> 00:54:58,929
Where are your arms?
Oh, just scratching my back.
1017
00:54:59,029 --> 00:55:00,765
Really?
Got a rash.
1018
00:55:00,865 --> 00:55:02,367
You're not hiding something?
No. What are you hiding?
1019
00:55:02,467 --> 00:55:03,934
You look like you're sprouting something.
1020
00:55:04,034 --> 00:55:05,903
Oh, really?
Like this?
1021
00:55:06,003 --> 00:55:07,372
Flowers!
You like them?
1022
00:55:07,438 --> 00:55:08,406
How about this?
1023
00:55:08,506 --> 00:55:11,208
Jeff, what is this?
1024
00:55:11,376 --> 00:55:12,810
It's no big deal.
No, it is..
1025
00:55:12,910 --> 00:55:14,044
I know you can't.
1026
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:16,213
Oh, my..
I hope you like it.
1027
00:55:16,381 --> 00:55:19,384
Oh, my God.
Jeff, it's so beautiful.
1028
00:55:19,450 --> 00:55:20,818
Yeah?
Yes!
1029
00:55:20,918 --> 00:55:22,820
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
1030
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,890
It's so.. Jeff?
1031
00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:27,425
[groans]
What's going on?
1032
00:55:27,525 --> 00:55:31,396
You're scaring me.
Oh, my God. Jeff!
1033
00:55:31,496 --> 00:55:32,930
Jeff!
1034
00:55:33,030 --> 00:55:34,499
Breathe, breathe.
1035
00:55:35,866 --> 00:55:37,468
What's wrong? What?
1036
00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:39,904
Get away! Your shoes!
What's wrong with them?
1037
00:55:40,004 --> 00:55:42,407
Go over there! Please!
What do you mean? What's wrong with them?
1038
00:55:42,507 --> 00:55:44,409
Take your shoes off.
Throw them over there.
1039
00:55:44,509 --> 00:55:47,912
Oh, my God. Okay.
I'm taking them off.
1040
00:55:49,113 --> 00:55:50,948
Threw 'em away.
[panting]
1041
00:55:51,048 --> 00:55:53,851
Shh. Try to relax.
1042
00:55:53,951 --> 00:55:56,854
Ohh... Oh, God.
1043
00:55:56,954 --> 00:55:59,524
Just breathe.
1044
00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,927
God, Jeff. Shh...
1045
00:56:03,027 --> 00:56:04,228
Your shoes.
1046
00:56:04,462 --> 00:56:05,763
What happened?
1047
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,732
Your shoes are New Balance.
1048
00:56:07,832 --> 00:56:09,434
So?
1049
00:56:11,469 --> 00:56:13,471
I just..
1050
00:56:13,571 --> 00:56:17,475
When I see the word "balance," I.. I get nauseous,
1051
00:56:17,575 --> 00:56:22,480
and I experience vertigo, and I just lose my balance.
1052
00:56:22,580 --> 00:56:25,883
It doesn't happen all the time.
It's only when I'm worked up.
1053
00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:27,452
Oh.
1054
00:56:29,019 --> 00:56:31,456
Oh, God.
Jeff...
1055
00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:35,560
the sneakers don't even say the word "balance" on them.
1056
00:56:35,660 --> 00:56:38,095
The "N" is enough.
1057
00:56:40,865 --> 00:56:43,834
I haven't had an episode like that in a long time.
1058
00:56:43,934 --> 00:56:45,803
I'm okay.
1059
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:47,505
Thank you.
1060
00:56:47,605 --> 00:56:49,106
Just breathe.
1061
00:56:49,206 --> 00:56:52,577
Careful. Careful.
1062
00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:55,813
God.
1063
00:56:55,913 --> 00:56:58,048
You scared me.
1064
00:56:58,148 --> 00:57:03,954
I mean, Jeff, what happens if your
students wear New Balance sneakers?
1065
00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:06,491
I ask them to take them off.
1066
00:57:07,558 --> 00:57:10,027
That's so cute.
1067
00:57:10,127 --> 00:57:12,930
Actually, Lynn, about school...
1068
00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:16,200
I got fired.
1069
00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:21,105
Jeff, how can you afford that necklace?
1070
00:57:21,205 --> 00:57:23,508
See, that's the best thing.
1071
00:57:23,541 --> 00:57:26,110
Everything's affordable with
Zeffers' new financing plan.
1072
00:57:26,210 --> 00:57:30,380
Jeff, you still have to pay back the loan.
1073
00:57:30,515 --> 00:57:32,950
I hate to admit it, but I got you, Lynn.
1074
00:57:33,050 --> 00:57:36,821
I'm going to be a commercial fisherman, an old seadog.
1075
00:57:36,921 --> 00:57:40,157
I figured that if this is a steady thing for me,
1076
00:57:40,257 --> 00:57:44,562
maybe you wouldn't have to get married to Terry.
1077
00:57:44,662 --> 00:57:48,999
I know this sounds crazy, but I love you.
1078
00:57:49,099 --> 00:57:51,135
I want to take care of you.
1079
00:57:53,738 --> 00:57:55,540
I love you, too, Jeff.
1080
00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:58,543
You're the best girlfriend I've ever had.
1081
00:57:58,643 --> 00:58:01,378
The only one, frankly, but the best.
1082
00:58:01,546 --> 00:58:06,083
You know what?
I don't think I've ever had a real boyfriend either.
1083
00:58:06,183 --> 00:58:07,885
Just sugar daddies and pimps?
1084
00:58:07,985 --> 00:58:09,954
[laughs]
1085
00:58:10,054 --> 00:58:11,556
Yeah.
1086
00:58:14,725 --> 00:58:18,563
And she says no because of the mast-head.
1087
00:58:18,629 --> 00:58:19,664
Hmm.
1088
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:24,234
Hey, Cappy. I'm Jeff.
Sorry I'm late.
1089
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:25,570
Ease her out there, Junior.
1090
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:26,671
You got it, Cap.
1091
00:58:26,771 --> 00:58:28,573
Where's your gear?
Gear?
1092
00:58:28,639 --> 00:58:31,008
You don't think this sweater's gonna be warm enough?
1093
00:58:31,108 --> 00:58:33,077
Yeah, it'll be warm enough for today,
1094
00:58:33,177 --> 00:58:37,582
but the weather might get dirty
over the next four to six weeks.
1095
00:58:37,615 --> 00:58:42,486
And even though I made a little
mistake by boarding a month-long cruise,
1096
00:58:42,587 --> 00:58:45,990
being aboard a boat without having
the responsibility of captaining it
1097
00:58:46,090 --> 00:58:50,427
was gonna be like playing the lotto
without having to buy the tickets.
1098
00:58:50,595 --> 00:58:52,296
It was going to be heaven.
1099
00:58:52,396 --> 00:58:55,966
And while we steamed into it,
all I thought about was Lynn
1100
00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:59,003
lying in bed, watching reruns of the Luggage Channel.
1101
00:58:59,103 --> 00:59:02,940
With this peerless Cincinnati Sateen rolling bag,
1102
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:06,677
you'll be the toast of high tea in London.
1103
00:59:13,818 --> 00:59:17,521
And thanks to this patented tri-fold center strap,
1104
00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,624
when you land in Dubai,
1105
00:59:19,657 --> 00:59:21,626
say bye-bye to creases in your clothing.
1106
00:59:21,726 --> 00:59:26,330
And now for my favorite feature, the snap pocket.
1107
00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:35,139
[Captain] Junior, get fuckin' Santa's
helper to lift the fuckin' nets out!
1108
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:37,708
Dipshit, give me a fuckin' hand!
1109
00:59:37,808 --> 00:59:40,978
All right.
Hold onto that.
1110
00:59:41,078 --> 00:59:42,279
Tight!
1111
00:59:46,183 --> 00:59:49,954
Right, when I say when, pull.
1112
00:59:50,054 --> 00:59:51,288
What?
1113
00:59:51,388 --> 00:59:54,258
When I.. When I say when, pull.
1114
00:59:54,358 --> 00:59:56,326
I already am pulling on it.
1115
00:59:56,426 --> 00:59:58,696
Just.. You know what?
Don't pull.
1116
00:59:58,796 --> 01:00:00,497
I don't need your help.
Go. Go.
1117
01:00:00,665 --> 01:00:01,999
You need a spotter or something?
1118
01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:04,534
No, I don't need a spotter.
Fuck, man.
1119
01:00:04,635 --> 01:00:06,737
Get the fuck out of here.
A spotter!
1120
01:00:10,274 --> 01:00:12,142
Morning, Cappy.
1121
01:00:14,111 --> 01:00:15,646
Man the wheel.
1122
01:00:15,746 --> 01:00:17,347
I don't think that's a good idea.
1123
01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:18,749
I've sunk one of these before.
1124
01:00:18,849 --> 01:00:20,250
You've what?
I sunk one.
1125
01:00:20,350 --> 01:00:21,285
Just go.
1126
01:00:21,385 --> 01:00:22,720
Go, go. Get Junior.
1127
01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:24,822
Tell him I need a man up here.
1128
01:00:28,392 --> 01:00:30,795
These nets look different.
1129
01:00:30,895 --> 01:00:34,164
Yeah. It's 'cause we're going for weak fish.
1130
01:00:34,264 --> 01:00:35,565
Weak fish?
1131
01:00:35,666 --> 01:00:38,168
The small white ones.
Use them as bait.
1132
01:00:38,268 --> 01:00:39,737
Nothing, right?
1133
01:00:39,837 --> 01:00:42,072
You're such a fuckin' idiot.
1134
01:00:42,172 --> 01:00:43,240
Get a wrench and help me out.
1135
01:00:43,340 --> 01:00:45,342
Okay.
1136
01:00:45,442 --> 01:00:47,111
Come on, princess, bring it up.
1137
01:00:47,211 --> 01:00:51,716
Come on, give it some gas!
Get the whip line.
1138
01:00:51,816 --> 01:00:54,618
You see, when you're netting
for a particular kind of fish
1139
01:00:54,719 --> 01:00:57,354
and one that may not already be
in danger of being wiped out,
1140
01:00:57,454 --> 01:00:59,356
you inevitably scoop up those that are.
1141
01:00:59,456 --> 01:01:01,125
It's called a by catch.
1142
01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:02,192
It's coming.
1143
01:01:04,962 --> 01:01:07,832
I spent my whole life trying to catch fish like this.
1144
01:01:07,932 --> 01:01:11,301
We're talking about Spanish mackerel, porgies, tuna,
1145
01:01:11,401 --> 01:01:15,139
and the most amazing and beautiful sport fish of all..
1146
01:01:15,239 --> 01:01:17,374
the striped bass.
1147
01:01:17,474 --> 01:01:19,576
We struck gold.
1148
01:01:19,744 --> 01:01:22,446
It was the kind of gold you had to throw back.
1149
01:01:27,818 --> 01:01:30,320
What the hell are you doing?
What the fuck, man!
1150
01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:32,122
I'm throwing them back, Cappy. They're beautiful.
1151
01:01:32,222 --> 01:01:33,323
And they're dying.
1152
01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:34,759
What the fuck!
1153
01:01:34,792 --> 01:01:36,426
Listen, Cappy, I may not know much,
1154
01:01:36,526 --> 01:01:38,595
but I know it's illegal to
net for these kind of fish.
1155
01:01:38,763 --> 01:01:40,765
We'll throw them back later.
1156
01:01:40,831 --> 01:01:42,599
But, Cappy, you'll be throwing them back dead.
1157
01:01:42,767 --> 01:01:44,601
I said we'll throw them back later!
1158
01:01:44,769 --> 01:01:48,172
Now, every fuckin fish that swims by here right now,
1159
01:01:48,272 --> 01:01:51,308
that's 3.25 to the pound that I'm losing!
1160
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:53,844
Now, I'm going to give you to the count of three
1161
01:01:53,944 --> 01:01:58,783
to get the goddamn nets back out!
1162
01:01:58,883 --> 01:02:00,384
One, two...
1163
01:02:00,484 --> 01:02:03,253
Okay, okay.
1164
01:02:05,856 --> 01:02:10,227
Now, I am no great environmentalist, okay?
1165
01:02:10,327 --> 01:02:11,862
Hell, I don't even recycle.
1166
01:02:11,962 --> 01:02:16,033
But what Al was proposing was
murdering all these fish.
1167
01:02:22,807 --> 01:02:24,341
No! No! No! No!
1168
01:02:24,441 --> 01:02:26,710
I'm not going to let you bastards get away with this.
1169
01:02:26,811 --> 01:02:28,378
You're going to have to kill me
1170
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:30,915
before I let these fish suffocate on deck.
1171
01:02:31,015 --> 01:02:32,817
It's either me or the fish, gentlemen.
1172
01:02:32,917 --> 01:02:38,823
But I swear, I will gut you
before you get me overboard.
1173
01:02:38,889 --> 01:02:42,827
All I'm asking is you let me throw these fish back
1174
01:02:42,893 --> 01:02:44,829
before you throw your stinking nets out there.
1175
01:02:44,895 --> 01:02:47,364
It'll only take a minute.
How's it going to go down?
1176
01:02:47,464 --> 01:02:50,234
This is mutiny, faggy.
1177
01:02:50,334 --> 01:02:51,869
You lose your quarter share.
1178
01:02:51,969 --> 01:02:53,237
So be it.
1179
01:02:53,337 --> 01:02:56,907
Junior, get back on the crane.
1180
01:03:04,314 --> 01:03:06,050
Go ahead.
1181
01:03:07,417 --> 01:03:09,653
You're in such a world of shit.
1182
01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,321
It's my world.
1183
01:03:11,421 --> 01:03:13,858
Tell me when you find Nemo.
1184
01:03:13,924 --> 01:03:16,961
What I didn't figure into my mutiny was...
1185
01:03:17,061 --> 01:03:18,963
now I was going to be at sea for three weeks
1186
01:03:19,063 --> 01:03:21,765
with people who wanted to kill me.
1187
01:03:21,866 --> 01:03:24,468
People die at sea all the time.
1188
01:03:24,568 --> 01:03:27,271
It didn't matter.
Neither the threat of death
1189
01:03:27,371 --> 01:03:29,173
or the loss of money mattered at all to me
1190
01:03:29,273 --> 01:03:30,908
because I knew that as soon as I got home,
1191
01:03:31,008 --> 01:03:33,577
I would have Lynn there waiting for me.
1192
01:03:45,389 --> 01:03:48,258
It says there's a tropical storm off the coast.
1193
01:03:48,358 --> 01:03:50,494
Yeah, I read that, too.
1194
01:03:50,594 --> 01:03:52,963
It's supposed to be 40-knot winds.
1195
01:03:53,063 --> 01:03:55,900
Do you think it'd be safe to be on a boat?
1196
01:03:55,966 --> 01:03:59,103
I sure as hell wouldn't want to be on one.
1197
01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:07,311
[knocking]
1198
01:04:07,411 --> 01:04:09,613
You expecting someone?
1199
01:04:23,593 --> 01:04:25,662
Yes?
Are you Lynn Ferguson?
1200
01:04:25,930 --> 01:04:26,964
I am.
1201
01:04:27,064 --> 01:04:29,566
Hi, Miss Ferguson.
Sorry to bother you.
1202
01:04:29,666 --> 01:04:30,968
We have a judgment against Jeff Nichols,
1203
01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:33,971
and he listed this as his primary address.
1204
01:04:34,071 --> 01:04:38,943
Me and my friend Peanut are here
to repossess that diamond necklace.
1205
01:04:42,646 --> 01:04:45,349
Uh, I'll go grab the box.
1206
01:04:54,691 --> 01:04:56,626
May I ask you what is this about?
1207
01:04:56,726 --> 01:04:59,296
Well, grandpa, looks like some loverboy
1208
01:04:59,396 --> 01:05:02,499
bought your daughter a necklace he couldn't afford.
1209
01:05:07,171 --> 01:05:08,672
Thank you.
1210
01:05:19,984 --> 01:05:23,053
I-- I can't wait to see her.
1211
01:05:23,153 --> 01:05:27,124
In fact, does anyone know
where there's a good florist?
1212
01:05:27,224 --> 01:05:28,658
Whoa.
1213
01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:30,627
Thanks for letting me share.
1214
01:05:30,727 --> 01:05:32,429
[all] Thanks, Jeff.
1215
01:05:47,544 --> 01:05:50,014
Lynn!
1216
01:05:54,018 --> 01:05:55,585
Wait. Wait, wait!
1217
01:05:55,685 --> 01:05:58,122
Wait! Why are you running?
1218
01:05:58,222 --> 01:06:00,524
[tires screech]
[horn honks]
1219
01:06:00,624 --> 01:06:02,026
Lynn!
1220
01:06:04,094 --> 01:06:06,363
Wait.
1221
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,498
Wait.
1222
01:06:08,598 --> 01:06:10,767
Give me a moment.
1223
01:06:11,035 --> 01:06:12,602
I just got back.
1224
01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:16,506
I went to a quick meeting,
but then I came straight here.
1225
01:06:16,606 --> 01:06:20,044
They didn't have a phone on the boat.
1226
01:06:21,045 --> 01:06:24,248
I've missed you so much.
1227
01:06:27,084 --> 01:06:29,219
Why aren't you wearing your necklace?
1228
01:06:32,489 --> 01:06:34,358
It's over, Jeff.
1229
01:06:34,458 --> 01:06:35,492
Over!
1230
01:06:35,592 --> 01:06:37,527
Wait.
1231
01:06:37,627 --> 01:06:42,199
Do you mean it's over between
you and Terry or you and me?
1232
01:06:53,277 --> 01:06:56,980
You can't go.
I've got my six-month anniversary coming up.
1233
01:06:57,081 --> 01:07:00,184
Yeah. Well, I got my 10-year anniversary coming up.
1234
01:07:00,284 --> 01:07:03,187
What have I done with my time? Nothing.
1235
01:07:03,287 --> 01:07:05,455
I need help, Lenny.
1236
01:07:05,555 --> 01:07:08,558
I just lost the love of my life due to poor accounting,
1237
01:07:08,658 --> 01:07:09,593
I'm here. I'll help you.
1238
01:07:09,693 --> 01:07:10,727
I got a new tactic.
1239
01:07:10,827 --> 01:07:12,529
It's called surrender.
1240
01:07:12,629 --> 01:07:16,200
See, me and details, we went
to battle three decades ago,
1241
01:07:16,300 --> 01:07:20,104
and I can honestly say that
that war is over, and I've lost.
1242
01:07:20,170 --> 01:07:22,606
So you're just going to be a bum?
1243
01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:26,110
I'm retiring. Mike's brother has
got a garage apartment in Quogue
1244
01:07:26,176 --> 01:07:27,511
he's going to rent me real cheap.
1245
01:07:27,611 --> 01:07:30,147
I got all I need right here.
1246
01:07:30,247 --> 01:07:32,949
Okay, retire, but promise me one thing.
1247
01:07:33,117 --> 01:07:34,484
You'll keep going to meetings
1248
01:07:34,584 --> 01:07:36,820
'cause those people need you as much as you need them.
1249
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,756
Lenny, how can I expect other
people to be interested in my problems
1250
01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,691
when they don't even impress me?
1251
01:07:41,791 --> 01:07:44,994
I have learning disabilities,
and I drank a lot when I was a kid.
1252
01:07:45,129 --> 01:07:46,796
It's like having gingivitis, you know?
1253
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,498
Buy a toothbrush, get on with it.
1254
01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:51,135
I cannot believe I'm hearing you say this.
1255
01:07:52,202 --> 01:07:54,804
I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lenny.
1256
01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:57,174
It was good knowing you, man.
Don't drink.
1257
01:08:11,688 --> 01:08:12,989
Hey, Jeff!
1258
01:08:13,190 --> 01:08:14,824
Hey, Uncle Popcorn.
1259
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:16,726
How you doing?
I'm good.
1260
01:08:16,826 --> 01:08:18,528
Don't call me Uncle Popcorn, okay?
1261
01:08:18,628 --> 01:08:19,796
Yeah, sure.
1262
01:08:19,896 --> 01:08:21,798
Give me that.
Okay. All right.
1263
01:08:21,898 --> 01:08:24,734
Hey, all this is yours, man,
any time you want to use it.
1264
01:08:24,834 --> 01:08:25,902
You know how to use this thing here?
1265
01:08:26,170 --> 01:08:27,036
Not really.
1266
01:08:27,171 --> 01:08:29,173
Let me show you.
It's easy.
1267
01:08:29,239 --> 01:08:32,476
Step up, step up, and ho!
1268
01:08:32,576 --> 01:08:33,543
Wow!
Ho!
1269
01:08:33,643 --> 01:08:35,679
All right!
[laughs]
1270
01:08:35,779 --> 01:08:39,283
Okay? Give it a try.
Come on.
1271
01:08:41,351 --> 01:08:43,820
That's it.
1272
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:45,189
Ah, it's all right.
It's all right.
1273
01:08:45,255 --> 01:08:48,225
No, no, that ain't the way.
Okay.
1274
01:08:48,325 --> 01:08:51,027
All right, let's go.
Sorry.
1275
01:08:51,195 --> 01:08:53,530
Don't use that until I show you how.
1276
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:55,965
And my barbeque here?
You don't fuckin' touch that.
1277
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,301
Absolutely not.
1278
01:08:57,401 --> 01:08:59,603
I got you fixed up in the back there
1279
01:08:59,703 --> 01:09:01,070
above the garage.
1280
01:09:01,205 --> 01:09:02,739
Without going to meetings
1281
01:09:02,839 --> 01:09:05,242
and without the responsibility of being a mentor,
1282
01:09:05,342 --> 01:09:09,213
I figured retirement would be easy, but it wasn't.
1283
01:09:09,246 --> 01:09:13,217
Because I couldn't stop thinking
about what happened on the boat.
1284
01:09:13,283 --> 01:09:14,751
I didn't know why it was upsetting me so much
1285
01:09:14,851 --> 01:09:17,887
until I figured out that the fish chose me.
1286
01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:23,092
Like Lynn, they were in trouble because they chose me.
1287
01:09:23,227 --> 01:09:24,694
I wanted to save them,
1288
01:09:24,794 --> 01:09:26,996
and the only way I could was to write.
1289
01:09:27,231 --> 01:09:29,333
So despite my LDs,
1290
01:09:29,433 --> 01:09:33,603
I started working on a letter
to a national fishing magazine.
1291
01:09:39,643 --> 01:09:42,746
Dear Hooked on Fishing,
1292
01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:46,716
this really bad thing happened.
1293
01:09:55,659 --> 01:10:04,268
...which was breehly bad.
That's right.
1294
01:10:04,368 --> 01:10:06,202
[knocking]
1295
01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:08,872
Hey, Uncle Popcorn, come in.
1296
01:10:08,972 --> 01:10:11,708
Jeff, we got to talk.
1297
01:10:11,808 --> 01:10:15,612
Great, cause I been dying to talk to somebody.
1298
01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:18,248
This letter is a lot more difficult
than I thought it was going to be.
1299
01:10:18,348 --> 01:10:20,384
Plus it was really cold in here last night.
1300
01:10:20,484 --> 01:10:22,886
But that's okay because the heat
throws off my equilibrium,
1301
01:10:22,986 --> 01:10:25,789
and it kind of makes me twitchy, so...
I can fight through it.
1302
01:10:25,889 --> 01:10:32,128
Do you have a dictionary, or do you
think you could proofread this for me?
1303
01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,864
What do you think, Uncle Popcorn?
1304
01:10:34,964 --> 01:10:37,267
First of all, I asked you to
stop calling me Uncle Popcorn.
1305
01:10:37,367 --> 01:10:39,235
It's a name the little kids call me,
1306
01:10:39,336 --> 01:10:41,938
and they usually stop doing
it when they're six or seven.
1307
01:10:42,038 --> 01:10:43,673
What do I call you then?
Uncle Bert?
1308
01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:46,175
How about Bert?
I'm not your uncle.
1309
01:10:46,376 --> 01:10:47,777
Well, you're Mike's brother.
1310
01:10:47,877 --> 01:10:49,346
He's your stepfather.
1311
01:10:49,446 --> 01:10:50,714
He's like a father.
1312
01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:54,284
Hell, Jeff, you're a grown man
1313
01:10:54,384 --> 01:10:56,786
Grown men do not call each other "uncle."
1314
01:10:56,886 --> 01:10:58,422
Okay.
1315
01:10:58,522 --> 01:11:01,391
And another thing grown men do is pay rent.
1316
01:11:01,491 --> 01:11:03,192
You're already three weeks late.
1317
01:11:03,393 --> 01:11:05,862
I'm sorry. It's coming.
1318
01:11:05,962 --> 01:11:08,332
When? Soon. I've got checks in the mail.
1319
01:11:08,432 --> 01:11:10,967
There literally are checks sitting in the mailbox.
1320
01:11:11,067 --> 01:11:13,437
Jeff, I checked your mailbox.
There's nothing in there.
1321
01:11:13,537 --> 01:11:15,439
Not that one.
1322
01:11:15,539 --> 01:11:18,342
It's a mailing address from this
old apartment that I used to live in,
1323
01:11:18,375 --> 01:11:19,976
and it was like three years ago.
1324
01:11:20,076 --> 01:11:21,345
My friend moved in,
1325
01:11:21,411 --> 01:11:23,713
and then he left and this new guy came in.
1326
01:11:23,813 --> 01:11:25,515
I haven't been there for like nine months.
1327
01:11:25,615 --> 01:11:27,016
This guy's got a bad vibe.
1328
01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:28,452
I just don't want to deal with him right now.
1329
01:11:28,552 --> 01:11:30,754
Why don't you just put in a change of address?
1330
01:11:30,854 --> 01:11:35,024
What? I'm supposed to notify everybody
that sends me mail where I moving to?
1331
01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:39,463
Yeah. It's what normal people do.
1332
01:11:39,563 --> 01:11:41,931
You just fill out a little form at the post office.
1333
01:11:42,031 --> 01:11:45,435
Okay, listen, if it's important to you,
1334
01:11:45,535 --> 01:11:47,937
I can go see my mommy in Westchester
1335
01:11:48,037 --> 01:11:50,940
and borrow some money from her.
1336
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:54,411
Jeff, that... that...
1337
01:11:54,511 --> 01:11:57,814
see, that's what this is all about.
1338
01:11:57,914 --> 01:11:59,816
That's the thing here.
1339
01:11:59,916 --> 01:12:04,220
You know, for years, Mike has been
telling me about how great you are,
1340
01:12:04,388 --> 01:12:07,424
how nice you are, how caring.
1341
01:12:07,524 --> 01:12:11,495
Then he tells me about all your fuck-ups.
1342
01:12:11,595 --> 01:12:14,230
And I know that every time you sink a boat
1343
01:12:14,398 --> 01:12:17,233
or lose a job or have to pay rent,
1344
01:12:17,401 --> 01:12:20,404
you go crying to your mommy.
1345
01:12:20,470 --> 01:12:23,039
And her and Mike have to bail you out.
1346
01:12:23,139 --> 01:12:25,008
Well, they just catch me when I slip up.
1347
01:12:25,108 --> 01:12:27,310
No. They coddle you
1348
01:12:27,411 --> 01:12:31,748
and prevent you from taking any
sort of responsibility, like a child.
1349
01:12:31,848 --> 01:12:33,249
Hell, not even.
1350
01:12:33,417 --> 01:12:35,284
I've got an 11-year-old grandson
1351
01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:37,487
who's had a paper route for two years.
1352
01:12:37,587 --> 01:12:40,624
Have you ever held a job that long?
1353
01:12:43,026 --> 01:12:44,293
No. I have..
1354
01:12:44,428 --> 01:12:47,464
I have learning disabilities, too.
1355
01:12:47,564 --> 01:12:52,001
Hmm. When I was your age,
you know what we called that?
1356
01:12:52,101 --> 01:12:53,470
Retardation.
1357
01:12:53,570 --> 01:12:57,273
Hell, even those people got jobs
1358
01:12:57,441 --> 01:13:01,310
assembling cardboard boxes or cleaning toilets,
1359
01:13:01,445 --> 01:13:04,548
unlike the modern day version that waddle around,
1360
01:13:04,648 --> 01:13:08,518
moaning about how difficult everything is.
1361
01:13:08,618 --> 01:13:12,556
They spend their entire lives doing nothing
1362
01:13:12,656 --> 01:13:15,892
and leeching off their parents
1363
01:13:15,992 --> 01:13:17,927
and their Uncle Popcorns.
1364
01:13:20,464 --> 01:13:23,166
You want another week?
Fine.
1365
01:13:24,468 --> 01:13:26,069
I'll give you a week,
1366
01:13:26,169 --> 01:13:30,674
then I'm going to call up Mike
and ask him for the money myself.
1367
01:13:32,976 --> 01:13:36,546
[door opens, closes]
1368
01:13:54,564 --> 01:13:56,500
Goddamn it.
1369
01:14:01,571 --> 01:14:04,508
Tanya, it's him!
Keep the cat in the bedroom.
1370
01:14:04,574 --> 01:14:08,277
[Tanya] Don't be a pussyfoot!
Kick his ass right now!
1371
01:14:08,545 --> 01:14:09,345
Here.
1372
01:14:09,546 --> 01:14:10,614
It's been nine months.
1373
01:14:10,714 --> 01:14:13,583
Honestly, take this and never come back.
1374
01:14:13,683 --> 01:14:17,153
Please, I am so sick of holding
on to your fuckin' crap.
1375
01:14:17,253 --> 01:14:18,988
It's goddamn ridiculous.
1376
01:14:42,045 --> 01:14:43,146
Jeff.
1377
01:14:43,246 --> 01:14:45,949
Hey.
It's cold outside.
1378
01:14:46,049 --> 01:14:47,551
How long have you been out here?
1379
01:14:47,584 --> 01:14:51,621
Not long. Just, uh, I was in the city, so...
1380
01:14:51,721 --> 01:14:53,222
Are you okay?
1381
01:14:53,322 --> 01:14:55,559
Haven't seen you around the rooms lately.
1382
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:57,627
I quit going to the meetings.
1383
01:14:57,727 --> 01:14:59,663
Today would have been my ten-year anniversary.
1384
01:14:59,763 --> 01:15:02,431
It's good though. It is.
1385
01:15:02,566 --> 01:15:05,669
I've been real productive with all my free time.
1386
01:15:05,769 --> 01:15:07,236
A regular workhorse.
1387
01:15:08,705 --> 01:15:12,108
How are you?
Are you married yet?
1388
01:15:12,208 --> 01:15:14,678
Not yet.
1389
01:15:20,249 --> 01:15:22,485
I'd marry you, Lynn.
You know that?
1390
01:15:22,586 --> 01:15:25,589
But, Jeff, what would happen?
1391
01:15:25,689 --> 01:15:29,092
I mean, you're a sweet guy,
1392
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:33,129
and you're funny, and I'm really attracted to you,
1393
01:15:33,229 --> 01:15:38,067
but what kind of a life would
we lead if you can't even...
1394
01:15:38,167 --> 01:15:40,604
clean your own bedroom?
1395
01:15:40,637 --> 01:15:43,206
Technically, it'd be half your room.
1396
01:15:48,177 --> 01:15:51,280
Jeff...
1397
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:54,651
I never expected to fall in love with you.
1398
01:15:54,751 --> 01:15:57,453
It was the easiest thing
I ever did.
1399
01:15:57,621 --> 01:16:03,026
But if something bad happened, and I drank again,
1400
01:16:03,126 --> 01:16:05,094
I could really hurt myself.
1401
01:16:05,194 --> 01:16:06,630
Nothing bad would happen.
1402
01:16:06,696 --> 01:16:10,634
I just don't have what it
takes to build a life with you.
1403
01:16:15,104 --> 01:16:16,840
I'm sorry.
1404
01:16:21,244 --> 01:16:23,212
Don't drink.
1405
01:16:25,214 --> 01:16:27,216
[phone ringing]
1406
01:16:28,251 --> 01:16:29,986
I accept.
1407
01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:31,020
Hi, Mommy.
1408
01:16:31,120 --> 01:16:34,057
Hi, Jeff.
1409
01:16:34,157 --> 01:16:36,025
Listen, I'm a little upset.
1410
01:16:36,125 --> 01:16:38,662
I was wondering if I could come and
stay with you in Westchester tonight.
1411
01:16:38,695 --> 01:16:40,664
Oh, Mike and I are headed to Florida.
1412
01:16:40,730 --> 01:16:42,198
I'm just about to meet him at the airport.
1413
01:16:42,298 --> 01:16:43,700
What's wrong, sweetie?
1414
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:45,669
A little sad, that's all.
1415
01:16:45,769 --> 01:16:48,071
Oh, I'm sorry.
1416
01:16:48,171 --> 01:16:50,306
If you want to come up and stay
at the house while we're gone,
1417
01:16:50,406 --> 01:16:51,775
I'm sure that would be fine.
1418
01:16:51,875 --> 01:16:54,210
I would just like you to ask Mike directly.
1419
01:16:54,310 --> 01:16:57,346
No, I'd rather not.
1420
01:16:57,446 --> 01:16:59,382
I don't want to ask any more favors.
1421
01:16:59,482 --> 01:17:01,384
Well, he's happy to do favors for you.
1422
01:17:01,484 --> 01:17:03,687
He loves you.
I.. Just, please.
1423
01:17:03,753 --> 01:17:07,123
If you decide you want to come
up and stay for a few days,
1424
01:17:07,223 --> 01:17:08,725
all you have to do is ask.
1425
01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:11,494
You know what?
I will if I go there.
1426
01:17:11,695 --> 01:17:13,029
I love you, Mommy.
1427
01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:15,899
I love you, too, sweetie, Feel better.
1428
01:17:27,911 --> 01:17:31,214
[gasping]
1429
01:17:31,314 --> 01:17:34,784
Today I will clean.
1430
01:17:49,933 --> 01:17:52,001
Ugh...
1431
01:17:52,101 --> 01:17:54,103
Damn it.
1432
01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:59,242
Would you please stop returning
your W-2 form to me personally?
1433
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:03,279
You're supposed to mail these to the IRS.
1434
01:18:03,379 --> 01:18:05,882
Oh. Thanks.
1435
01:18:05,982 --> 01:18:11,755
Would you please stop returning
your W-2 form to me personally?
1436
01:18:11,788 --> 01:18:14,657
You're supposed to mail these to the IRS.
1437
01:18:14,758 --> 01:18:16,192
You're supposed to mail these to the IRS.
1438
01:18:16,292 --> 01:18:17,360
Mommy...
1439
01:18:19,295 --> 01:18:23,199
I don't mind paying for your
parking tickets when you get them,
1440
01:18:23,299 --> 01:18:24,868
but if you don't pay them,
1441
01:18:24,968 --> 01:18:27,203
since it's my car, it goes against my credit.
1442
01:18:27,303 --> 01:18:30,774
Just call this number here when you get one.
1443
01:18:30,840 --> 01:18:33,843
It's my CPA, and she will handle the tickets.
1444
01:18:33,943 --> 01:18:35,812
Thanks. They're already taken take of.
1445
01:18:35,912 --> 01:18:38,247
Call this number...
Mail these to the IRS.
1446
01:18:38,347 --> 01:18:41,284
...when you get one. It's my CPA.
She will handle the tickets.
1447
01:18:41,384 --> 01:18:43,887
I've got to call.
1448
01:18:43,987 --> 01:18:48,157
Don't get the phone..
I have to pay the phone bill.
1449
01:18:48,257 --> 01:18:49,458
Verizon bill.
1450
01:18:52,395 --> 01:18:54,263
Verizon!
1451
01:18:54,363 --> 01:18:56,299
$487?
1452
01:18:56,399 --> 01:18:58,802
For cable?
1453
01:18:58,902 --> 01:19:00,870
There's a check around here somewhere.
1454
01:19:00,970 --> 01:19:02,205
Where's the paycheck?
1455
01:19:02,305 --> 01:19:04,808
Call this number...
1456
01:19:04,908 --> 01:19:06,342
Aha!
1457
01:19:08,812 --> 01:19:11,380
$493. Thank you, Mrs. Shelby.
1458
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:17,653
[repetitive dialogue continues]
1459
01:19:17,887 --> 01:19:18,955
[dial tone]
1460
01:19:19,055 --> 01:19:20,423
Hi, Verizon?
1461
01:19:20,523 --> 01:19:22,658
I have a personal check here.
1462
01:19:22,826 --> 01:19:26,662
I just want to... turn my phone back on.
1463
01:19:26,830 --> 01:19:30,466
If you have no credit or debit card or
a checking account, you will need a money order.
1464
01:19:30,566 --> 01:19:32,401
How do I do that?
1465
01:19:32,501 --> 01:19:35,404
Do you have a state-issued I.D. card?
1466
01:19:35,504 --> 01:19:36,572
No.
1467
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:37,841
Passport?
1468
01:19:37,907 --> 01:19:40,243
No. I lost it.
1469
01:19:40,343 --> 01:19:42,645
Social security card?
1470
01:19:42,912 --> 01:19:44,347
No.
1471
01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:46,249
I'm sorry, sir, I can't help you.
1472
01:19:46,349 --> 01:19:47,416
[banging on door]
Jeff!
1473
01:19:47,516 --> 01:19:48,852
Where the fuck's my rent?
1474
01:19:48,952 --> 01:19:51,855
I'll give it to you in a minute.
1475
01:19:51,955 --> 01:19:54,891
All right, hurry up.
I'll be in New York.
1476
01:20:09,438 --> 01:20:12,375
Take me, Jeff.
I'll play in my box.
1477
01:20:12,475 --> 01:20:14,343
There's pumas and everything.
1478
01:20:14,443 --> 01:20:15,411
Come with me!
Not now!
1479
01:20:15,511 --> 01:20:16,679
It's so much fun in here.
1480
01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:18,848
Leave me alone!
1481
01:20:18,948 --> 01:20:21,985
I'll play with your nut sack, Jeff.
Jeff, come in here.
1482
01:20:22,085 --> 01:20:24,587
I want you to come and play.
1483
01:20:28,024 --> 01:20:30,426
Jeff, come here.
1484
01:20:30,526 --> 01:20:31,660
I just have to do a...
1485
01:20:31,895 --> 01:20:33,930
Come here.
1486
01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:35,932
Jeff, get over here!
1487
01:20:36,032 --> 01:20:38,935
Hold on! God damn you!
Hold on!
1488
01:20:39,035 --> 01:20:42,005
I gotta.. I'm going to the store.
Going to the store.
1489
01:20:42,105 --> 01:20:45,008
Be right back.
Jeff!
1490
01:20:45,108 --> 01:20:46,809
Stop that car right now!
1491
01:20:46,910 --> 01:20:49,578
You said you needed milk, so I figured...
1492
01:20:53,917 --> 01:20:56,485
Hi. My name is Jeff, and I'm an alcoholic.
1493
01:20:56,585 --> 01:20:57,853
[all] Hi, Jeff.
1494
01:20:57,954 --> 01:21:01,757
I swore I wouldn't come back to the rooms.
1495
01:21:01,857 --> 01:21:06,795
Yesterday was a difficult day for me.
1496
01:21:06,930 --> 01:21:10,133
I needed comfort.
I had to go home.
1497
01:21:19,475 --> 01:21:21,945
The first thing that Mike did when he moved in was...
1498
01:21:22,011 --> 01:21:26,349
he hung up a replica of the fast trout I caught.
1499
01:21:26,449 --> 01:21:29,552
Your mother said it looked just like the one you got.
1500
01:21:29,652 --> 01:21:33,056
I think it might have been a little bigger, Mike.
Jeff is an excellent fisherman.
1501
01:21:33,156 --> 01:21:34,757
Uh...
1502
01:21:34,991 --> 01:21:36,659
Jeff...
1503
01:21:36,759 --> 01:21:38,794
I want you to know that I bought this house
1504
01:21:38,962 --> 01:21:41,664
because I want you and your mother
1505
01:21:41,764 --> 01:21:44,968
to have a place where you can always go
1506
01:21:45,034 --> 01:21:48,972
and feel like things haven't changed.
1507
01:21:49,038 --> 01:21:50,073
You understand me?
1508
01:21:50,173 --> 01:21:51,975
Yeah.
1509
01:21:54,610 --> 01:21:58,081
I loved that trout.
1510
01:21:58,181 --> 01:22:00,583
The house was a haven,
1511
01:22:00,683 --> 01:22:03,819
always open to me, provided I asked.
1512
01:22:03,987 --> 01:22:06,122
Instead of using the furnace,
1513
01:22:06,222 --> 01:22:09,825
which would have caused a noticeable
spike in the heating bill,
1514
01:22:09,993 --> 01:22:15,564
I used a space heater to keep
me warm while I lay on the couch.
1515
01:23:07,283 --> 01:23:09,552
I slept so soundly.
1516
01:23:09,652 --> 01:23:14,190
And then... I smelt it.
1517
01:23:14,290 --> 01:23:16,292
[sniffs]
1518
01:23:20,196 --> 01:23:22,565
What.. Oh, shit!
1519
01:23:22,665 --> 01:23:26,235
Shit! Fuck.
Oh, shit.
1520
01:23:29,305 --> 01:23:30,739
Oh, Jesus.
1521
01:23:40,716 --> 01:23:43,086
[door opens, closes]
1522
01:23:43,152 --> 01:23:45,088
[running footsteps]
1523
01:23:48,824 --> 01:23:52,095
Something very bad has happened.
1524
01:23:55,731 --> 01:23:58,534
I just.. I've come from the..
1525
01:24:00,203 --> 01:24:03,939
Mike, I did some rewiring work a week or two ago.
1526
01:24:04,107 --> 01:24:08,144
Some of the old stuff you had
in there looked a little dangerous.
1527
01:24:10,113 --> 01:24:12,681
I got insurance, so I'm
protected if I made a mistake,
1528
01:24:12,781 --> 01:24:17,120
but I tell you, I really thought I made it safer.
1529
01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:21,157
See, Mike?
Andy could've started it.
1530
01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:23,159
Jeff, you weren't here last night, were you?
1531
01:24:23,259 --> 01:24:26,162
Like I was saying, that wiring was pretty old.
1532
01:24:26,262 --> 01:24:30,133
I'll probably lose my license.
1533
01:24:30,199 --> 01:24:33,136
But hell, if did that, I deserve it.
1534
01:24:33,169 --> 01:24:35,638
[Mommy] Andy, you've done such great
work for us, but this time..
1535
01:24:35,738 --> 01:24:37,440
[Andy] I know, I know.
1536
01:24:37,540 --> 01:24:39,675
[Mommy] Thank God, it was you,
Andy. Thank God!
1537
01:24:39,775 --> 01:24:42,145
It was me.
1538
01:24:43,746 --> 01:24:46,249
I was here.
1539
01:24:46,349 --> 01:24:48,484
I didn't want you to see that I was here,
1540
01:24:48,584 --> 01:24:52,221
so I used a space heater instead
of turning on the furnace.
1541
01:24:52,321 --> 01:24:56,058
I, uh, I accidentally burnt one of the cushions.
1542
01:24:56,159 --> 01:24:57,726
I tried to hide it, okay?
1543
01:24:57,826 --> 01:25:01,797
That's how the fire started.
It was my fault, not Andy's.
1544
01:25:01,897 --> 01:25:05,501
I burned your house down.
1545
01:25:05,601 --> 01:25:06,735
I'm sorry, Mike.
1546
01:25:21,250 --> 01:25:24,320
Go sit in the fucking car.
1547
01:25:33,262 --> 01:25:36,265
I'm so sorry, darling.
1548
01:25:37,400 --> 01:25:39,202
[Mommy] Oh, my God.
Look at this.
1549
01:25:39,268 --> 01:25:43,272
Wait a second.
I found something!
1550
01:25:44,773 --> 01:25:47,210
Look what I found!
1551
01:25:48,677 --> 01:25:51,280
I'm gonna run a hose from the auxiliary, all right?
1552
01:25:51,380 --> 01:25:53,749
It's Jeff's fish!
1553
01:25:56,685 --> 01:25:58,721
So...
1554
01:25:58,821 --> 01:26:03,592
the only thing that's left of
the house in which I grew up
1555
01:26:03,692 --> 01:26:08,231
is a replica of the very first trout I ever caught
1556
01:26:08,297 --> 01:26:10,733
melted down to its original size.
1557
01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:14,303
[giggling]
1558
01:26:17,240 --> 01:26:18,807
[woman] You're a hot man, honey.
1559
01:26:18,907 --> 01:26:21,244
Hah! You're hot!
1560
01:26:39,862 --> 01:26:42,398
[whistling, applauding]
1561
01:26:45,067 --> 01:26:47,870
Definitely.
I burned the house down.
1562
01:26:47,970 --> 01:26:49,905
I burned it down.
1563
01:26:50,005 --> 01:26:51,274
It's his house.
1564
01:26:51,374 --> 01:26:54,277
They're right there.
Say hi, Mike.
1565
01:26:54,343 --> 01:26:56,111
That's my stepdad.
1566
01:26:56,279 --> 01:26:58,381
There's my lovely mommy.
Yeah.
1567
01:26:58,481 --> 01:27:02,150
And the trout, it started off right about here,
1568
01:27:02,285 --> 01:27:05,621
and then it melted down to
pretty much its original size.
1569
01:27:05,721 --> 01:27:07,656
If you guys want to go and see it, you can.
1570
01:27:07,756 --> 01:27:10,759
It's mounted at my mommy and
Mike's new house in Florida.
1571
01:27:10,859 --> 01:27:13,161
You're going to have to go by yourself because,
1572
01:27:13,296 --> 01:27:16,131
as you can guess, yeah, I'm not invited.
1573
01:27:16,299 --> 01:27:18,767
[laughter, applause]
1574
01:27:18,867 --> 01:27:22,305
You can put your shoes back on
now because I'm out of here.
1575
01:27:22,371 --> 01:27:26,442
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
1576
01:27:26,542 --> 01:27:28,511
Thank you.
1577
01:27:33,449 --> 01:27:35,918
♪ I need a hero
1578
01:27:36,018 --> 01:27:40,989
♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night ♪
1579
01:27:41,089 --> 01:27:44,727
Uh, how does comedy pay, Jeff?
1580
01:27:44,827 --> 01:27:47,363
You know, it doesn't really pay all that well.
1581
01:27:47,463 --> 01:27:48,964
I know what you're thinking.
You don't have to worry.
1582
01:27:49,064 --> 01:27:50,866
I'm going to pay you back for the yacht and the house
1583
01:27:50,966 --> 01:27:53,636
and all the things you don't even know about.
1584
01:27:53,736 --> 01:27:55,371
I got a new job.
Oh?
1585
01:27:55,471 --> 01:27:56,939
Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna keep this one.
1586
01:27:57,039 --> 01:27:58,874
Well!
1587
01:27:58,974 --> 01:28:01,744
I got something I think you're gonna like.
1588
01:28:01,844 --> 01:28:04,347
Take the bricks, put them in that bin.
1589
01:28:04,413 --> 01:28:07,149
Glass, yellow bin.
Metal in the blue bin.
1590
01:28:07,350 --> 01:28:09,452
Thank you, Lenny.
1591
01:28:12,788 --> 01:28:15,190
You're my mentor.
I take care of you, okay?
1592
01:28:15,358 --> 01:28:18,126
But get moving 'cause I want to get
to the Kick Starters meeting by 7:30.
1593
01:28:18,361 --> 01:28:20,429
You got it.
1594
01:28:33,976 --> 01:28:35,544
Whoo!
1595
01:28:38,981 --> 01:28:42,385
I don't know if I'll ever amount to anything in life,
1596
01:28:42,451 --> 01:28:45,488
if I'll ever be able to overcome
my learning disabilities,
1597
01:28:45,588 --> 01:28:50,393
but I'm going to try to take care of the details.
1598
01:28:50,426 --> 01:28:54,930
I also decided that before I get
too old or before I'm institutionalized
1599
01:28:55,030 --> 01:28:57,065
that I might as well make an effort
1600
01:28:57,165 --> 01:28:59,968
at tackling a learning disabled
person's biggest nightmare..
1601
01:29:00,068 --> 01:29:02,805
to captain a boat.
1602
01:29:02,905 --> 01:29:04,807
[Lynn] Jeff!
1603
01:29:08,544 --> 01:29:09,878
Captain!
1604
01:29:14,517 --> 01:29:15,984
I tried calling you.
1605
01:29:16,084 --> 01:29:18,521
For once, your phone wasn't shut off.
1606
01:29:18,621 --> 01:29:22,124
Your landlord told me that I could find you here.
1607
01:29:22,224 --> 01:29:26,862
Look. I found this mixed in with Terry's boating things.
1608
01:29:26,962 --> 01:29:28,964
They published your letter to the editor.
1609
01:29:29,064 --> 01:29:30,466
Wow.
1610
01:29:30,566 --> 01:29:32,267
They didn't change anything.
1611
01:29:32,435 --> 01:29:34,803
Not even the mistakes.
1612
01:29:37,940 --> 01:29:40,876
Is that mine?
1613
01:29:40,976 --> 01:29:42,945
I honestly don't know.
1614
01:29:43,045 --> 01:29:46,314
Wow.
1615
01:29:46,449 --> 01:29:48,784
That's great either way.
1616
01:29:48,884 --> 01:29:51,920
I would love to be a father or a stepfather.
1617
01:29:52,020 --> 01:29:54,457
I got a lot of experience with my own.
1618
01:29:54,557 --> 01:29:58,026
Jeff, I wanted to talk to you.
1619
01:29:58,126 --> 01:29:59,928
I left Terry.
1620
01:30:01,464 --> 01:30:03,165
Great.
1621
01:30:04,900 --> 01:30:07,870
Do you want to go fishing?
I got an extra rod.
1622
01:30:07,970 --> 01:30:10,405
The open sea is a perfect place to chat.
1623
01:30:10,506 --> 01:30:12,941
Oh, I don't know if that's such a good idea.
1624
01:30:13,041 --> 01:30:16,011
It's not just me anymore.
1625
01:30:16,111 --> 01:30:18,547
Right. Good point.
1626
01:30:18,647 --> 01:30:20,949
Do you want to fish off the dock?
1627
01:30:23,185 --> 01:30:25,688
Okay.
All right.
1628
01:30:30,025 --> 01:30:33,462
Wow. Victory.
It's a nice boat.
1629
01:30:33,562 --> 01:30:35,330
♪ Another night The stars are bright ♪
1630
01:30:35,430 --> 01:30:37,866
♪ But I know things just aren't quite right ♪
1631
01:30:37,966 --> 01:30:40,669
♪ I'm sad and blue
1632
01:30:42,270 --> 01:30:43,839
♪ Oh, please, Mr. Moon
1633
01:30:43,939 --> 01:30:45,941
♪ Oh, won't you bring me soon
1634
01:30:46,041 --> 01:30:50,546
♪ A love that's oh, so true
1635
01:30:50,646 --> 01:30:53,616
♪ Got a whole lotta love in my heart ♪
1636
01:30:53,716 --> 01:30:58,621
♪ But no one to give it to
1637
01:30:58,721 --> 01:31:01,924
♪ Waiting for you
1638
01:31:02,024 --> 01:31:05,594
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when
you gonna come on through? ♪
1639
01:31:05,694 --> 01:31:08,664
[Jeff] By the way, you want a cup of coffee?
1640
01:31:08,764 --> 01:31:10,666
♪ Every day that passes by
1641
01:31:10,766 --> 01:31:13,135
♪ Another tear falls from my eye ♪
1642
01:31:13,235 --> 01:31:15,003
♪ I'm not too strong
1643
01:31:17,105 --> 01:31:21,143
♪ So no matter where you are
beyond the land or sea afar ♪
1644
01:31:21,243 --> 01:31:24,146
♪ Oh, please don't take too long ♪
1645
01:31:25,681 --> 01:31:28,116
♪ Anticipating your sweet love ♪
1646
01:31:28,216 --> 01:31:34,122
♪ I am waiting to get all your kisses true ♪
1647
01:31:34,222 --> 01:31:37,092
♪ Waiting for you
1648
01:31:37,192 --> 01:31:42,598
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1649
01:31:44,032 --> 01:31:47,069
♪ You can't miss me, darlin'
1650
01:31:47,169 --> 01:31:52,608
♪ I'll be so easy to find
1651
01:31:52,708 --> 01:31:56,945
♪ Standing here, reaching up
1652
01:31:57,045 --> 01:32:01,416
♪ With my arms open wide
1653
01:32:01,584 --> 01:32:03,652
♪ You'll know me by my lonely eyes ♪
1654
01:32:03,752 --> 01:32:06,154
♪ It won't be hard to recognize me ♪
1655
01:32:06,254 --> 01:32:08,624
♪ You will see
1656
01:32:10,158 --> 01:32:12,327
♪ A girl who's standing all alone ♪
1657
01:32:12,427 --> 01:32:14,630
♪ With no sweet man to call her own ♪
1658
01:32:14,730 --> 01:32:18,300
♪ So hurry, please
1659
01:32:18,400 --> 01:32:21,604
♪ I've got a whole lotta love in my heart ♪
1660
01:32:21,704 --> 01:32:26,141
♪ But no one to give it to
1661
01:32:27,242 --> 01:32:30,045
♪ Waiting for you
1662
01:32:30,145 --> 01:32:35,718
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1663
01:32:35,818 --> 01:32:38,721
♪ Waiting for you
1664
01:32:38,821 --> 01:32:44,026
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1665
01:32:44,126 --> 01:32:47,329
♪ Just waiting for you
1666
01:32:47,429 --> 01:32:53,268
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1667
01:32:53,368 --> 01:32:56,204
♪ Waiting for you
1668
01:32:56,304 --> 01:33:02,210
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man when you gonna make it true? ♪
1669
01:33:02,310 --> 01:33:05,113
♪ Waiting for you
1670
01:33:05,213 --> 01:33:08,651
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1671
01:33:08,717 --> 01:33:10,753
[Announcer] All right, here we go.
We have your next act.
1672
01:33:10,853 --> 01:33:14,022
What can I say about this funny guy? Funny man.
1673
01:33:14,122 --> 01:33:16,024
You probably saw him on the Luggage Channel.
1674
01:33:16,124 --> 01:33:20,095
Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Nichols, everybody.
Jeff Nichols!
1675
01:33:20,195 --> 01:33:24,667
This guy looks like Rain Man and
Forrest Gump on crack, don't I, a little bit?
1676
01:33:24,700 --> 01:33:27,169
I sound like Rudy Giuliani on Nyquil,
don't I, a little bit?
1677
01:33:27,269 --> 01:33:30,773
I'm a friggin' mess.
My life is a disaster,
1678
01:33:30,873 --> 01:33:33,676
I should've been out of this
business like before I walked on stage.
1679
01:33:33,742 --> 01:33:35,110
How you doin'?
All right.
1680
01:33:35,210 --> 01:33:37,680
I subbed for years, five years in the Bronx.
1681
01:33:37,713 --> 01:33:39,682
I taught school in the Bronx and Queens.
1682
01:33:39,715 --> 01:33:41,984
I taught in.. You gonna call my bluff?
1683
01:33:42,084 --> 01:33:48,223
No. I taught in like a lot of them 'cause I sucked.
1684
01:33:48,323 --> 01:33:50,325
I sucked.
1685
01:33:50,425 --> 01:33:54,129
True. The first day I school,
I went to the principal.
1686
01:33:54,229 --> 01:33:56,765
I go to the principal. I go,
"I'm a comic. I drive around.
1687
01:33:56,865 --> 01:33:58,600
What wisdom can I impart to these kids?
1688
01:33:58,701 --> 01:34:01,369
What can I possibly teach these kids?"
1689
01:34:01,469 --> 01:34:03,706
She goes, "Don't worry, just
teach the kids what you know,
1690
01:34:03,772 --> 01:34:05,240
what you're good at."
1691
01:34:05,340 --> 01:34:07,710
First day of school, everyone: "Today, kids,
1692
01:34:07,743 --> 01:34:10,813
we're gonna learn how to stare
at women 'til they get uncomfortable."
1693
01:34:10,913 --> 01:34:14,616
[laughter]
1694
01:34:14,717 --> 01:34:18,787
"Today, kids, we're going to
learn to have an anxiety attack."115952
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
