Original subtitles

TONY: I love you, Dorothy.

DOROTHY: I know you do, Tony.

You're a totally gorgeous creature.

(CHUCKLING) I love you as well. You know I do.

Can I get a kiss?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(KISSING)

You haven't seen my new golf clubs anywhere, have you?

What golf clubs?

I came home with them.

New golf clubs in a leather golf bag.

I never knew you could play golf.

I'm a mysterious kind of guy.

Dead mysterious.

So, have you seen them? Seen what?

My new golf clubs.

When did you learn to play?

Earlier this year. Will you teach me?

Not without a set of clubs.

I would've seen them.

Of course. That's why I'm telling you

that when I went to get them, they were gone.

That's so like you, losing a set of golf clubs.

That's not like me at all. I haven't lost them.

I think maybe you have.

I've no interest in golf whatsoever.

You wanted to learn a minute ago.

(LAUGHING) Yeah, but I was kidding.

I was joking with you.

You mean you've been lying to me?

So are you lying to me now?

I have no idea.

None? So you wouldn't have moved the golf clubs?

Or sold the golf clubs? I haven't.

Or pawned them for cash?

I've pawned nothing!

That would be just like you. Leave me alone!

I've no idea where they are or where they went.

Dorothy, I need my golf clubs!

You can't play golf!

If you've moved them, tell me.

I left them in the living room.

You're saying you're going to Amsterdam to play golf?

I don't even think Amsterdam has golf.

What do you know about Amsterdam?

What, in God's name, do you know about golf?

Listen, you!

I know I left a bag of clubs in the living room

and they weren't there when I went to get them.

Now I want to know where the fuck...

If you left a bag of clubs in the flat, then they're in the flat.

You're lying! Shit!

Stop!

Here, that's enough of that!

(GRUNTS)

I'm going to tear that flat apart

and see if my golf clubs aren't there.

I swear to God I'm going to drink your blood.

I'm sorry. Must be the golf.

It's driven him mad.

I'm awful sorry about that.

Sorry.

Pluto, my boy.

Come and see your daddy.

Tony?

(WATER BOILING)

Tony?

Pluto?

(PLUTO WHIMPERING)

Pluto!

(OVER WALKMAN) * When marimba rhythms start to play

(SINGING ALONG) * Dance with me

* Make me sway

* Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore

* Hold me close

* Sway me more

* Like a flower bending in the breeze

* Bend with me

* Sway with ease

* When we dance you have a way with me...

It's the middle of the fucking night!

Not in Cairo, it isn't. Not in Hong Kong, it isn't.

You think they care it's the middle of the night here?

I've got personal things to attend to.

PETULA: (SINGING ALONG) * Dear, but my eyes will see only you

* Only you have the magic technique

* When we sway I go weak

(PETULA SCATTING)

* I can hear the sound of violins

* Long before it begins... *

Get in the car!

Get in the fucking car!

(WALKMAN CONTINUES PLAYING)

DOROTHY: You and me will start a new life this time.

No more dealers or junkies or maniacs.

We'll be long gone before he gets back.

(WHIMPERS)

Don't be scared, big boy.

Oh.

I don't think this is going to come out.

Thank God.

You rotten, shitty bastard, Tony.

Somebody smells nice.

Don't look at me.

It's the dog.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Bloody lunatics.

(BARKING)

An ounce of rolling tobacco and a packet of Maltesers.

Excuse me. When you have a second.

You shouldn't read that shite

'cause it badly exploits women.

£4.29, please.

He's taken my money.

(SIGHS)

Can I owe you?

You mean, can you exploit me?

I'll send it to you in the post.

Not allowed to give credit.

I need a smoke.

I'm on the run from a maniac. So's my dog.

That's not a very healthy color, right enough.

Go on. I'll sub you.

Go on.

(PLUTO BARKING)

Shut up, Pluto.

(GRUNTS)

Give me 10 seconds to catch my dog.

Pluto!

Fucking disappear! (GROANS)

You are going nowhere!

Leave her alone!

(BARKING)

(GROANS)

You fucking bitches!

Get the fuck, you fucking bitches!

No! Come here.

(GROANING)

You're an evil, lying bitch!

Stop it. You're mine.

PETULA: Brian, stop it!

(PETULA SCREAMING)

BRIAN: Right, you're going nowhere!

(MUMBLING)

Do you hear me?

I'm going to fucking kill you!

(SCREAMING)

(COUGHING)

(GASPING FOR BREATH)

I'll be all right in a minute.

Get my breath back.

You just get sick of listening to all that

"I'm going to fucking kill you" stuff.

Right, I'll help you get him in the car.

What for?

So you can drive him home, call the police.

I can't drive.

And I'm not calling the police. He's my boyfriend.

(WHIMPERS)

PETULA: I want you gone as soon as he wakes up.

(WOMEN PANTING)

DOROTHY: If I was you, I'd dump him here.

I can't dump him here.

I'd lose my home and my job, and everything.

How?

'Cause I work for his big brother.

Fuck, he's heavy, isn't he?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

PETULA: I think Brian's going to be sick again.

DOROTHY: To the left.

Quick.

(BRIAN RETCHING)

(DOROTHY EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

PETULA: Shit.

Let's put him in the bath in case he throws up over anything else.

PETULA: I've never seen a pink and white dog before.

He's half part pedigree, half part acrylic.

Really?

I've never heard of them.

Do you know of anything I could use as a roach?

Don't make yourself too comfy.

I didn't invite you back for a party.

I'm sorry.

I'm just a little shaky. It would help calm me down.

Have a scrounge in my rucksack.

There's bound to be something.

Fancy a cup of tea?

Yeah.

Here.

I'm Petula, by the way.

Nice grass.

You missed your bus.

Petula?

(LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SOBBING)

Are you okay?

It's okay. It's just the cold.

It's only when we have too much to drink.

A bit silly.

It was my own fault tonight

'cause he caught me going through his desk.

I was looking for my passport.

I wanted to visit my mum.

She's moved to Majorca.

Why does he keep your passport?

Why?

'Cause he loves me.

What do you think?

I had it like that once.

Do you think Brian will like it?

Go on.

Trust me. It'll really suit you.

Nice surprise when he wakes up.

(GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING)

BRIAN: Petula! (BARKING)

(THUD)

Is he okay?

Brian?

Brian?

Are you okay?

Brian, say something.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

What is the matter with him?

Is he German?

Brian, stop it!

(PLUTO BARKS) Shut up, Pluto.

Brian?

Brian?

Brian, I'm sorry.

Is he kidding?

Brian, please. I'm sorry.

Just slap his face gently.

Come on now. I'm really sorry.

Just give his face a gentle slap.

Don't be angry.

That's what you do to wake them up.

He's dead.

(SOBBING) He's dead! Brian's dead.

Get out of my road!

Oh, dear God! Get out of my road!

DOROTHY: Dear God.

(SOBBING)

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

DOROTHY: Will the police be able to tell

I bashed his head in with scaffolding?

'Cause I didn't mean to kill him.

I know.

I was trying to stop him killing you.

I know.

You wouldn't have lasted another minute

the way he was choking you and whacking your head.

Petula...

I'll have to spend

years of my life in a jail cell all by myself.

I mean, that's not fair.

I was only trying to help.

I don't even know the guy.

I was only trying to help.

What if we make an anonymous phone call and then disappear?

We can't because I haven't got a phone.

If we don't say who we are.

But I haven't got a phone.

I know, but they won't be able to trace the call.

I haven't got a phone. We don't have a phone.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

You have to go to work.

I helped you, so you have to help me.

Now, before you're late. As though everything is hunky-dory.

(RINGING TONE)

(GRUNTING)

Petula, wait.

You can't go yet. Take off your coat.

Phone me on Brian's phone.

Two rings, then hang up.

Then ring again immediately so I know it's you.

Thanks for coming to help me

last night.

Listen. You have to give me some money.

Oh. Right. Yeah, of course.

How much do you normally charge?

DOROTHY: What?

No, not for the haircut.

I want to get Tony's golf clubs out the pawn shop.

If he comes back, I'll send him packing

so he won't turn the place upside down

and stumble across your dead boyfriend.

RONNIE: Where's Brian?

Where is Brian?

He is...

I don't actually know where he is.

Morning.

Your Brian back on the drink again?

(CHUCKLES)

Then let's just pray His Lordship's met

with a particularly horrible accident.

(PHONE RINGING)

RONNIE OVER PHONE: Petula!

Yes, Mr. McMinn.

I see.

Uh-huh.

Right. Yes, I'll start with Eastern General.

The police have found Brian's car abandoned.

Mr. McMinn wants me to phone the hospitals.

I am so sorry.

That's all right, Sheena. He'll be just lying in a heap somewhere.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Dorothy, they found the car abandoned

and there's a policeman coming

to see me in the morning if Brian doesn't show.

Petula, do you know Northcraigs Beach?

Mmm-hmm. I will meet you at the coffee stall at 6:30.

Well?

The hospital people have no idea

about anything to do with Brian, Mr. McMinn.

No, that's terrific.

We were just curious if you knew whether

he'd had an accident or something, or died.

We've had no admissions of that name

or fitting that description.

Oh, good.

Goodbye then,

and thank you for being so helpful and informative.

They have not had any admissions

fitting that name or that description.

Was he with you last night?

Early on, he was.

Then, later on, he wasn't.

MAN: Now, this is called a decapod crustacean.

That's a lobster.

Nature uses them to clean dead bodies.

Them and shrimps get all the drowned flesh off the bones.

What was the name of that fish I showed you?

A halibut. That's right.

Fishermen like halibut because of their shapes.

Fishermen like to make them their girlfriends

even though their body temperature

is much lower than a proper girlfriend.

Usually, that is. WOMAN: Sandy.

Sandy, come here. Come away.

I brought you some clothes.

I bought you a coffee.

Your stuff's covered in paint.

What? Oh, lovely. Thanks.

Thanks.

We've got to shift him. Where?

Somewhere it'll look okay that nobody found him straight away.

Somewhere he might have gone without taking you

where he could fall, bang his head

and die without us doing it.

His boat.

He's got a boat? It's his secret hideaway.

It's where he goes if he wants to hide from his big brother.

We could drop him down the hatch,

and it would look like he fell.

Traditionally, they are very dangerous things, hatches.

How do we get him to the boat? In a car.

You told me you couldn't drive.

I can't. Brian was giving me lessons.

At least he was screaming at me

and punching me in an old Saab.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

WOMAN: (MOANING) Take me! Take me!

Take me in mine arse!

(MOANING) Yeah!

(WOMAN CONTINUES MOANING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(BOTH MOANING)

WOMAN: Take me!

Pluto, teatime. Come on.

What have you got? Hmm?

Give it to me.

Pluto, give.

(SCREAMING)

Fuck!

Oh, my God.

That is very, very, very bad.

(RINGING)

PETULA OVER PHONE: Brian?

Is that you?

It's me.

I know. I didn't really think it was him.

I thought you might be somebody checking.

I just...

I just wanted to see if you were

all right, you know,

and I wanted to say thank you

for everything.

Don't be silly.

You're welcome. Go to sleep.

Night-night.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bugs bite. (CHUCKLES)

You, too.

Sleep tight.

"Don't let the bugs bite."

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hi, Miss Peploe.

Detective Inspector Hepburn, Eastern and District CID.

Hello, Inspect-Detector.

George is okay.

I'm Petula.

Sorry, I didn't sleep very well.

Come in, please. Sorry I'm not up.

Oops. Sorry.

Please, allow me.

(GASPS)

Would you mind waiting here till I'm dressed?

Of course.

You going in to work? Uh-huh.

I have to.

They won't mind if I'm late, though.

Who won't mind? Ronnie McMinn?

Big softie, isn't he?

You a friend of his?

There's no such thing as friends

on the golf course, I'm afraid.

So, Petula, you work for Brian McMinn?

PETULA: Well, I work for his big brother, technically.

Uh-huh. How long have you been living with Brian?

A year.

How long have you worked for the firm?

About a week longer than we've been living together.

Love at first sight, eh?

Oh. Absolutely.

It really was very much and completely that.

Firstly, I should ask you.

Do you have any idea where your boyfriend might be?

None.

You last saw him?

Tuesday night.

We'd been for dinner. We came home.

Brian sat up drinking, and I went to bed.

I suppose I just drank too much.

I didn't so much go to bed as crash.

Was Mr. McMinn in a similar condition?

He was probably.

I was only drinking Sea Breezes.

You got the bruise from walking into something

while you were inebriated?

Not from being punched by Brian?

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm a detective inspector, Petula.

Do you know what a detective inspector does?

This is one of those police questions

you're supposed to say no to, isn't it?

What a detective inspector does, is he detects things.

And then when he's successfully detected them,

he inspects them

in order to establish whether or not

there was any point in detecting them.

Mmm-hmm.

And from where I'm standing

I can detect some bruising around

your cheekbone, consistent with a blow

and discoloration around your neck,

consistent with an attempted throttling.

I'm not being too personal, am I, Petula?

Do you have other men in your life

or does Brian get violent when he drinks?

He doesn't.

I don't have any other men in my life.

So, either lover-boy hit you and stormed out in a raging temper

or you've killed him and hidden his body.

That is just utterly

and completely ridiculous!

What is? That I've killed him and hidden his body.

I know.

I was being facetious to stop you getting upset.

Even joking you shouldn't say.

How would you feel if your wife had disappeared?

I'm not married, and neither are you.

What you're saying isn't the sort of thing

you should make facetious remarks about

because it could be the sort of thing

that people could get upset by.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, my God!

(SNIFFING)

Stuart, I've got a wee bit of a situation developing here.

That's right, the missing persons.

Anybody needs me I'll be in the office after lunch.

(SNIFFING)

Could you look at it again?

I'm okay now, I think.

(PETULA GASPS)

It's Brian's ring.

Did he have it on when you last saw him?

Yes.

He wears it all the time. It's stuck.

He says he'll never get the bloody thing off.

That's Brian's mobile phone.

Are you up to trying it now?

No, I don't. I mean, do I have to?

We have to know a few things quickly.

We have to know Brian's state of health,

whether or not this is a hoax,

and we have to... you have to make sure

that if there is a real problem here

that we don't jeopardize Mr. McMinn's well-being by our actions.

Am I being clear?

(DIALING)

(RINGING TONE)

What's the matter? Are you not okay?

I don't know what I'm going to say.

Find out what they want. They'll tell you.

(DIALING)

(RINGING TONE)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

PETULA OVER PHONE: Hello?

DOROTHY: Hello, Petula.

If Brian's brother wants Brian back,

he'll have to pay money for him.

They know my name.

Ask them what they want.

They want money.

How much money do they want?

How much money do you want?

DOROTHY: You're the one who works there.

What's a reasonable sum?

How much is he worth?

How much can Ronnie McMinn get his hands on?

I don't...

I don't know what you mean.

How much?

Petula...

He's dead now and we killed him.

So, if we could get away from here forever.

I can't think of anything else to say.

Brian is dead. You're all alone. It's just you and me.

Help me.

You want exactly £1 million cash.

No. A real number. A serious number. Not a bloody imaginary...

£1 million or...

Ronnie McMinn will get his brother's head

in a green nylon knapsack

all tied up with a ribbon through the post.

Bloody hell.

Tell them you have to speak to Brian.

Hello...

I have to speak to Brian.

(WHISPERING) To know that he's all right.

To know that he's all right.

We can't bring him to the phone.

(WHISPERING) They can't bring him to the phone.

Then how do we know that they haven't

already decapitated Mr. McMinn?

Ask him something.

Who? Brian.

Ask me to ask Brian a question.

I have to ask him something.

What?

What do you want me to ask him?

Something only you and Brian both know.

Something only me and Brian both know.

On you go.

Ask him...

Tell him to...

God, I can't think of what to ask.

Tell them to ask Brian to tell you when and where

you and him last made love.

When and where did Brian and me

last make love?

Half an hour ago, up the bottom.

(GASPS)

That is precisely, 100% spot on.

(LAUGHING)

You're not contemplating something silly here, are you, hen?

It's a favorite spot, you know.

It's lovely.

It's not lovely when you're fishing them out of the water.

Away home and take an overdose.

They've hung up.

Did they answer the question?

What did they say?

Oh.

They said, "On the leather couch in his office,

"Tuesday lunchtime...

"Twice."

And would that be correct?

Then I have to say that I think Mr. McMinn

is a very, very lucky man

because obviously...

Obviously he hasn't had his head cut off.

(GASPS) I'm so sorry.

I thought you meant... You've had a massive shock.

Now, let me ask you before I go,

do you have an easily accessible

back entrance I can make use of?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

HEPBURN: Dave, have you seen Neil McIndoe?

Who's Neil McIndoe?

Regional pathologist.

Big ugly fucker, no taste in clothes, bad personal hygiene.

Got you. In the canteen.

Reason I didn't know who you meant,

was everybody calls him "dog breath."

Fuck me.

You're not eating that swill out of choice, are you, Neil?

Detective Inspector Hepburn.

How's the golf, George?

It'd be a lot better if some fucker

hadn't ripped off my clubs out my car.

The reason I come here to eat this swill

is so I can enjoy my lunch without being surrounded by body parts.

I thought pathologists had no feelings.

That's a myth,

like all pathologists have bad breath.

Where is your finger from?

You tell me.

Off a dead person or a live one?

Obviously dead.

If you cut a finger from somebody that's alive,

that finger will exsanguinate.

All the blood will drain from it.

Cut that finger from a corpse,

the blood is already semi-coagulated.

That's what I thought.

Somebody playing practical silly fuckers?

Some medical student, no doubt.

They're such scum, those fuckers.

(SPURTING)

This is Brian's finger.

You recognize the ring?

I know my own flesh, George.

Does this mean he's alive?

On balance, Ronnie,

all things taken into account

and after listening to expert advice,

I can say absolutely.

He was alive when it was cut off.

The girl's spoken to him.

If they hadn't killed him by then, they won't kill him now.

What are you. Sorry, I have to keep that.

I'm going to see it's returned to my brother.

Not now, later. I have to keep it in custody

for the time being.

Custody?

I mean, as evidence.

Don't! Sorry.

Sorry, Ronnie. Please.

Don't touch that. I haven't had time to have it dusted yet.

For fingerprints?

I'm sorry, Ronnie, but I have to ask you one question

just to get the possibility out of the way.

And this is simply to eliminate a line of enquiry.

George, ask me.

There's no possibility, is there,

that Brian would be so hard up for money

he would sacrifice his own fingers

in an attempt to finagle funds out of his big brother?

Ronnie?

(LAUGHS)

He'd only have to ask me.

Right.

In that case, we proceed with this being

a bona fide kidnapping and extortion.

They want precisely £2 million.

PETULA: All right, then.

Well, I'll meet you about 7:00 tonight.

Listen, can you drive?

So, that's it then?

Sorry. What do you mean, that's what?

That's the famous couch where it all happened...

"Tuesday lunchtime...

"Twice."

(CHUCKLES)

(SQUEAKING)

(RONNIE SIGHS)

Does Brian think he can still keep you happy

with only nine fingers?

What?

Still, that's a lot of money for a wee bit of your body.

Hmm? Isn't it? Eh?

Which bit of your body is worth the most to you?

Stop it.

Those are lovely lips.

(LIFT CLANGS)

My wee brother was still alive

when his finger was cut off from him.

Can you imagine how sore that must've been

chopping through bone and gristle and tender flesh?

Brian's too soft for any of that.

Isn't he?

I don't know what you're talking about.

(LAUGHING)

You didn't do it for him, did you?

'Cause if I thought...

Well, you could kiss those lovely lips goodbye. (ELEVATOR DINGS)

And I wouldn't stop there, Petula.

Any messages for me?

Somebody called Ronnie McMinn phoned this morning.

Got his number.

Just a pal of mine wanting a game of golf.

Any luck with your clubs?

What do you expect?

The police are a bunch of worthless, skiving assholes.

What about your missing persons?

Fucked off in a drunken huff and left his missus.

Is she a dog?

(LAUGHS) Stuart, my son, she is a total fucking dog.

Can't blame the poor fucker.

Maybe he topped himself having to gaze

at her ugly mug while trying to digest.

(STUART LAUGHING)

PETULA: Clutch, accelerator, brake.

No. Brake, accelerator, clutch.

Surely.

(ENGINE STARTS) (TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIGHS)

Neutral.

"Always make sure your vehicle is in neutral

"before you start your engine, Petula,

"or I will punch your fucking lights out."

"Mirror, signal, maneuver."

Now what the fuck was that about?

(STARTS ENGINE)

PETULA: Oh!

DOROTHY: Oh, my God!

(GRUNTS)

PETULA: We bring Brian's body here after it's dark.

We'll make it seem the kidnappers held him here

and tortured him for days before they killed him.

You have a very brilliant criminal mind.

What are you doing?

Torturers don't tidy up.

The place should be a complete smelly tip, reeking of lager.

Right.

We should get some Chinese take-aways and chuck them about.

Also, we should get some filthy socks and pants of Tony's.

I bet you £1 million, kidnappers' pants smell just like Tony's.

(LAUGHING)

(WOMAN MOANING)

(WOMAN SPEAKING GERMAN)

DOROTHY: "Fick mich in meinen Arsch," Petula.

What? Are you judging me?

No, I'm not judging you.

If I was judging you, you would be in jail for murder,

kidnapping, torture.

Dorothy, that is totally gross.

Get off me, you monster.

Sniff my cheesy "grunties," flower.

Gonna suck mein socks and fick meinen Arsch!

(LAUGHING)

Come on. That's disgusting!

I'm going for a pee.

(URINATING)

No, dog, get out.

Bloody hell. That can't be pleasant.

That is as thick as a baby's arm.

Would you let a baby do that to you with his arm?

Get away from there!

Fuck!

Oh, fuck.

(PANTING)

Is that somebody we know out there?

Eh?

Who's the fucking stiff, Dot?

Tony, that's Petula's boyfriend.

He was in an accident.

And it's got nothing to do with you. So just don't start!

Petula?

You've got to be kidding.

Right.

I want my golf clubs.

Is this what you were looking for, you evil bastard?

Get out or I'll stab you, I honestly will.

Where'd you get one of them?

Jesus.

Listen.

I'm not well. I'm sick, doll.

I didn't know that was in there, darling. Don't get upset at me.

There's something in my golf bag I need.

Make me feel better, doll.

I'm feeling shite.

And then I'll be out of here. You know me, babe.

I'll get my gear and mellow out and vamoose, babe.

You get it and you get out.

See?

My stash, doll.

And my works. 'Cause I need my stash, eh?

I need my gun.

Now what the fuck is fucking going on here?

I'm asking you right now.

What the fuck were you doing with my underpants?

Eh?

There's no way you can describe these as cheesy.

(SNIFFING)

These are as fresh as a newborn daisy.

Pluto, my baby. Come to bed.

Pluto, no. No!

(BARKING)

Now put the knife down

or I'll shoot Scooby-Doo here, (WHIMPERING)

right in the middle of his face.

So what's the score then?

Who's the poor bastard out in the cold?

He's my boyfriend.

Who killed him?

Well, he was beating me up

and Dorothy came and rescued me.

Nobody meant to kill anybody.

That makes it okay, then, does it?

Some poor fucker goes down that fucking tunnel

and it's okay by you pair

'cause it was only an accident.

How come he's not buried in a grave,

in a fucking cemetery, if it's hunky-dory?

We were going to phone the authorities.

Don't you patronize me. I'll cut your face off.

He's been kidnapped.

I heard you just now.

So how much is your stiff worth?

If you lie to me, I'll hurt the dog really badly.

Tony, it's not... £1 million.

You're kidding.

Well, well, well.

That's enough for all three of us

to play with, isn't it, girls?

Now then,

come and sit down next to me.

Hit me with some of that really fabby gear out of my golf bag.

Your friend is gorgeous, by the way.

Have you pair got a wee thing going?

That would be... Oh, rather nice.

Oh.

Do yourself.

No, Tony, please.

Do yourself

or I'll shoot the dog in the face with my golf gun.

Look at her.

A former connoisseur.

The good old days, eh, Dorothy?

Now, let me be frank with you.

I'm not interested in money.

There's other things I need more than money.

Here.

Now, I want you to take off your tights

and tie Dorothy's hands behind her back.

Now, Petula,

I want you to take off your pants.

PETULA: Why?

'Cause I'm gonna fuck you, gorgeous.

Then you and I are gonna watch

while Scooby-Doo fucks Dorothy.

Oh.

(YELLS)

(PLUTO BARKING)

(PLUTO WHIMPERS)

You bastard!

(SCREAMS)

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

You bastard!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

One, two, three.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Leave it.

(RINGING TONE)

Still here, boss?

You got the keys for the secure room?

What are you looking for?

Just checking something.

I can't stay.

I have to go back to the house.

If I stay out, the police will know something's wrong.

Can you manage?

All right, phone me in the morning, first thing.

Tony's tied up. I have to go.

(GROANING) Oh, Jesus!

Wait.

Will you get my dog to the hospital?

Don't worry. I'll take care of him.

(WHIMPERING)

And he's not your dog.

He's my dog.

And if he dies,

(GUN COCKING)

you die as well, you bad, evil bastard.

It's not my dog. He's called Pluto or something.

Right. How much do vets cost? Here.

Sorry, miss. You can't just...

Also, watch when you sew him up

because he's 50% acrylic.

I was only joking about you and Pluto.

I love you.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm dying.

If you don't get me to a hospital, I'll die.

You'll be in a hospital in a couple of hours.

My arm's numb, my fingers are cold.

I'm freezing cold all over.

Just a wee bit longer.

"Don't let the bugs bite."

Remember? You used to say that.

The time you were ill and I looked after you.

You remember?

It was you who made me ill.

(HAIRDRYER WHIRRING)

Brian?

(SOBBING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Who's there?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

I could put you in the jail

or I could lose a little bit of weight.

(GUN COCKING)

Work on my tan.

Please.

I'll make you very, very happy.

Please. I'm sorry.

(SNIFFING)

I'd be right in thinking I can smell blood, gorgeous?

Blood and shampoo.

Chicks.

(LAUGHS)

I've wanted one like you all my life.

You're a very lovely creature.

(DINGING)

(DIALING)

Listen, Dorothy...

AUTOMATED VOICE: The number called is switched off.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(RAIN PATTERING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(SCREAMING)

Back upstairs to bed.

I want you to have a nice sleep

so that you look gorgeous for Brian

when he comes back to get my money.

Sleep tight.

Mr. McMinn.

Mr. McMinn!

These gentlemen are here to see you.

Then show these gentlemen into my office, Maureen.

Pluto!

(DOGS BARKING)

Pluto!

Pluto!

My baby. Oh!

Thank you.

Bridges service station, please.

(GRUNTING)

All right, bitches

I'll drain your blood.

All right, Maureen.

I can't get over it.

The suffering he must've gone through.

Don't think about it. He'll be fine.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

That's a mere pittance.

£2 million.

I'd pay twice this to catch these fiends.

I know.

Promise me something.

Fifteen minutes alone with them.

I'll show them what happens when you fuck with Ronnie McMinn.

You are confident this is the best way?

I trust you.

Whenever they tell us where the drop is, then we've got them.

The hardest part of a kidnapping is picking up the ransom.

That's where we catch kidnappers every single time.

Nobody's ever figured out how

to collect a bag of money without being followed.

99% are apprehended at that point.

I'm sorry.

A very peculiar phone call from some Irish girl who says that,

"Petula has to get in that taxi outside

"and the drop," whatever that's supposed to mean

"is the Bridges service station."

(DIALING)

Hello, Stuart.

The Bridges service station.

Carrier is en route.

WOMAN OVER PHONE: The executive sauna and massage

is open Monday to Friday

10:00 a.m. to midnight.

Right.

That's the backup in position.

Okay?

(CAR DOOR OPENS) HEPBURN: All right, in you get.

Just hang on, driver.

Honestly, I don't know if...

Just do exactly what you're told.

I'll be behind you every step of the way.

What?

He's my brother. I've got to be there.

For God's sakes, this is a very delicate business.

As you've seen, everything is up shit creek. You've got to trust me.

What is going on?

Brian's dead and that fucker knows it.

I'll show him what I fucking trust!

Dorothy!

Did you...

I told her,

he looks as if he should be at home in his basket.

PETULA: Pluto.

Sit.

Down!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

HEPBURN: Step away from the dog!

Step away from the dog!

Run!

You didn't give the money to the dog?

That's what you told me to do!

You stupid fucking bitch!

Get off!

Ouch!

(SCREAMING) (BARKING)

(GROANS)

CID. This is an official crime scene.

You're officially shut till I get back. Understood?

PETULA: Go, Pluto!

Go home.

Shit!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Shit, shit, shit...

I really feel that I have to say

that you're one of the most

gorgeous creatures I've ever set eyes on.

Oh, shit!

Here, boy. Is your daddy home, Pluto?

Looks like you've got some gear for him.

Your bad dad owes your Uncle Aidan big time.

The dog!

What's with your fucking shoving, pal?

That's a lot of gear that dog was holding for...

(GROANING)

(GUN COCKING)

Now, you junkie fuck, tell me where the dog lives!

Good dog.

Good dog.

Well done.

Come on.

Tony?

Are you awake?

Shit!

Hold the gun by the muzzle.

(HEPBURN PANTING)

Now, throw the gun to me.

Get your hands in the air. Now!

Is that Brian McMinn in there?

Is that your hostage?

That's him.

He needs a doctor.

(GUN FIRING) (WHIMPERING)

Jesus!

It looks like you've just killed your hostage,

which is a pretty fundamental error.

Now, miss, would you please not stand in front of the window.

What? Do as you're told.

Step away from the window and you won't get hurt.

Come on now.

I'm a detective inspector with the Eastern District Regional Constabulary.

You thieving bitch! That's my golf clubs!

(GUN COCKING) Oh!

No one fucks with Ronnie McMinn.

Ronnie...

(CLICKING)

Ronnie, fuck you.

(GRUNTING)

Shit!

Oh, Jesus!

Tony...

(CLICKS)

I saved your life there, mister. And I have to tell you

this whole thing was dreamt up

by that bitch there and her pal

(GUN FIRES)

No one...

No one...

least of all a fucking filthy creature like you

or your dimwit pal fucks with Ronnie...

(SCREAMING) Petula!

McMinn.

(GUN FIRING)

(GUN FIRES)

(EXHALES)

(SHUDDERING)

(GROWLING)

(DOGS BARKING)

What am I going to do about this?

There's bound to be some tools in the boat.

There's not gonna be any tools in there, is there?

Shit!

Dorothy, get the bag.

Dorothy, open the bag!

You've nothing smaller than a £100 note?

No. Sorry.

£2.60. I didn't charge you

for your funny colored guide dog or blind pal.

I'll come back with your change.

No, that's all right. Keep the money.

It's a present from Pluto.

PETULA: Dorothy?

DOROTHY: Mmm-hmm?

You know how Pluto's 50% acrylic?

Yeah.

Is that the half that's pink?

It is.

Really?

So does that make him dry-clean only?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)