Original subtitles

The Shadow Ninja has struck again. We have to track down this bastard.

Our honour is at stake.

He disguises himself as an Ega family ninja

and goes around murdering government officials and we get blamed for it!

The Government has lost face and the army is demanding revenge.

We'll have a bloodbath on our hands!

You have a choice -

you can sit on your lazy asses and wait to get bumped off one by one,

or you can catch The Shadow!

You must seek him out wherever he may be hiding -

search every house, every cave, behind every tree and bush

and leave no stone unturned.

Otherwise the Ega family will suffer a total bloody massacre!

"Tokyo, Japan"

"China"

"The Sun Family Temple"

"Sex Bible"

Ah Chee!

Master, are you calling me?

I'm working my socks off but you're there reading porn.

Master, you can learn anything from books.

I'm doing this for you,

so that I can help you when you get married.

Ah Chee! Reading alone is of no use at all.

I don't need your help to find a wife.

I'm very optimistic about that, which will just happen naturally.

Master, I never realised you were such an expert!

It's called hidden talent.

Why are there fireworks?

Master, there's a festival on today.

- Really? Shall we go and join them? - OK, come on.

- You can't use the stairs. - Do we jump off here?

That's right, we're jumping.

What's the matter? Have you got vertigo?

No, I don't have vertigo. But I haven't got paid this month.

If you want to get paid, jump down from here.

It's very high. Are you going to pay double wages?

If so, I'll jump immediately.

I can pay you double wages any time.

This one looks a little stronger.

Are you sure?

One more knot. Just in case.

- Double wages. Jump. - I'm doing it for the money.

- You're very slow. - But I've got style.

- Really? - Wait!

It's strong enough but not long enough.

Look at the flags!

- This is boring! - Yeah.

- I'm suffocating inside this mask! - What shall we do?

Let's try something else.

No more complaints this time.

Here come The Eight Gods!

They're walking on stilts!

- The troublemaker is coming. - I am the Bull Devil!

You might like this.

Bull Devil!

Don't kick me!

I'm going to teach you a lesson.

We're only doing this for our job. And the money is no good.

There's no way I'd fight Bull Devil.

- I'm going! - Show no fear, get him!

Have some dumplings!

Run for it!

On your knees! Kowtow!

Master, this Bull Devil is tough.

- Bastard! - The damned cripple Li!

Even though I'm crippled, I'll fight you to the end!

The Monkey King is here!

The Monkey King!

The Monkey King conquers the Bull Devil.

I'm not the Monkey King but I'll still kick your ass.

- You're a dead man! - He means business!

- That's what I'm expecting. - What?!

That would be more fun.

- But can you walk on stilts? - What do you think?

What are you waiting for? Get him.

Come on, come on!

I bet you can't do that!

If you can do it, so can I. I'm up here now.

A nasty fall, isn't it?

- Come on. - I...

Let me help.

Hold tight.

Thank you.

Hold tight.

What now? Can you still fight?

Of course, I can.

- Fight me? Come on, then. - Here I come.

Kick his ass!

Get him!

Hold this for me!

Great! Yeah!

Come on everyone, get him!

No need to hurry, there's plenty for everyone.

Uncle Foo!

Where are you?

I'm right here.

You naughty boy!

So how did you get in, naughty boy?

I climbed up the water wheel.

But look, my shoes are totally dry. Amazing, isn't it?

Martial arts aren't for showing off!

You're always telling me off.

I'm not telling you off. It's for your own good.

Just remember a real martial artist never reveals his skill.

You always say the same thing. It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know.

This is for your own good. You have to listen to me.

Do you know the saying,

"Blowing your own trumpet only brings strife"?

If you want to succeed, you must be humble.

Ah Ching, do you know that the ideal life is a peaceful one?

A peaceful life? I don't fancy that. Is your life peaceful?

You live in a beautiful place.

With me to look after you, no one would dare bother you,

unless they want to die.

I have no enemies, so I'm afraid your kung fu is not needed.

Things change so quickly...

in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes you don't know you're in trouble.

Uncle Foo, some day you may need my help.

OK. Don't get your clothes dirty. Put down those mirrors.

"Gold Plum Vase"

Lure him into his own trap.

Ah Chee! You're studying very hard. Come here.

- Me? - Yes!

I'm coming.

- This is the good bit. - You're addicted to sex.

Jump in there and wake yourself up!

Everyone knows I like porn but I'm no pervert.

Why do I have to jump in there? No way!

You're going to jump in there.

No, I'm not.

Master, don't play tricks on me. That won't work.

Your bottom is on fire!

Are you going to jump into there? Off you go!

"The wiser man is he who exercises judgement and prudence."

Leave me alone! You always make a fool of me!

I'm only telling you that too many dirty books are bad for your heaIth.

Very funny! One day you'll be sorry!

"Sun Zi's Art of War"

"Deception can be your most useful weapon."

Ah Chee, come here.

- Me?! Me?! - Yes!

What is it this time? You want to make a fool of me again.

- Get my catapuIt! - What for? Do you want to shoot me?

- Not to shoot you, but me. - What did you say? Come again.

You hold the catapuIt. I'll be outside.

Shoot my body as soon as you see me.

That's a good deal. I'll go right now.

Not big enough!

This one should do.

Master, you've got to watch out with this one.

- I want good shots. - I know.

Master, don't blame me if you get hurt.

Come on.

I finally get my revenge for everything he's done to me.

Hey, you guys, give me a hand. Hold it tight.

This one is big enough.

Ah Chee.

- Are you ready? - Not yet, Master.

You're cheating.

Move right. Move left.

Move right!

How can I shoot you if you keep moving around?

You must have been reading too many dirty books, my friend!

Mr Sun, your son has behaved very well recently.

- He's been studying very hard. - Really?

He's a grown man now.

- I'll go and check on him. - Please.

Master, do you think I'll always miss?

Are you being bold or bluffing?

Let me use an even bigger stone.

Right.

I'm sure I've broken your skull. Master, does it hurt?

Was it you? Go and clean the toilet for three months.

Oh, shit.

"Clinic"

The business is very good today.

- What's the problem? - I've got lots of problems.

I can't see anything wrong.

- You should be all right. - Don't waste my time. Quick.

Hurry up.

Four ounces of ginseng...

five slices of deer horns...

three ounces of dry herb...

and a little Spanish fly.

That's enough. Take this.

Plus...

a seal's dick.

You already know I won't sell it to people.

I'm not asking you to sell it.

I'm asking you to give it to your son - me!

Why do you need all this stuff?

Dad, I want them to keep me strong.

I never wanted to have you in the first place.

Dad, I'm not surprised.

I know you never wanted to have me.

I was only a by-product of your sensual experience.

You need to have some of this stuff to make you stronger, too.

I'll be back tomorrow. All right. Bye-bye.

Wait!

What did I do to deserve him?

Uncle Foo.

Uncle Foo! What are you thinking about?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'm thinking about something in the past.

Old people are all like this.

You're always thinking about the past but you never talk about it.

Uncle Foo, why do you always shut me out?

Everyone has to have a few secrets.

A great man shouldn't be ashamed to speak of what he has done.

You don't think I'm your friend?

Uncle Foo, look!

The cloud and wind come from the east.

Will they bring us good luck or bad luck?

There are lots of seats upstairs. Please go upstairs. All right.

"Your Mighty God"

It's just a little demonstration.

If you want to see the real stuff, then watch Master Leong.

He's about to go up to the altar.

Master is going up to the altar. Be careful, will you?

If you ruin the ceremony, your whole family will be in trouble.

Be quiet. Just watch it.

He didn't understand you, he must be deaf and dumb.

- Let him in. - Go on.

What would you like?

'Let me teach him a lesson.'

- What? - Shit!

It must be that idiot that ruined this. I'm going to kick your ass.

Let's get out of here.

How dare you! Bastard!

Enough!

Come on. Stop it!

Your skills are only as good as my shit.

Don't blame him.

You've only got yourself to blame. We know you're a useless moron.

- Come down and fight me then. - Do want me to teach you a lesson?

I'm gonna kick your ass.

I'm kicking your ass!

Get out of here!

You want to kick my ass. Really?

If you're a master, why don't you act like one?

I never met such a shitty fighter before.

- Do you know who I am? - You are a loser!

Have you heard the name - Master Leong Kit?

Is it like this? You just make this up to fool innocent people.

Hold it! Let me tell you.

My dad leads the God Skills society. It has thousands of members.

You humiliated his son. You're in deep shit.

What? You've got a dad?

- I thought he'd died ages ago. - Bastard!

If your dad's got a son like you, I don't think he will live very long.

Look what you're wearing? Do you think you're a girl?!

What happened to your magical powers? Where are they?

I'll show you any second now.

There's no magical power. Why don't you admit it?!

Be careful!

"Your Mighty God"

- Can we stop? - No way! Why should l?

- Step on it! - No! I stepped on the sacred paper.

Excuse my fist, it thinks you belong with the other dirt on the floor.

You're a dead man!

No, you don't.

You'd better go home now

and ask your dad to use his god skills to treat your injuries.

I'm warning you, this sacrilegious insult will be avenged by my father!

He can find me in the Sun Family Temple.

Good evening.

Why are you wearing my kimono?

To get your attention. I'm surprised you noticed.

It's very attractive on you.

I wish I could stay home.

Maybe someday you will be able to stay at home.

Maybe someday you'll never return.

Akane, you are the wife of a ninja warrior.

Behave like one.

But... I live in terror every time you go out.

Don't worry, Akane, I'm not ready to die yet.

We'll be back in Japan before winter.

I promise.

Be careful.

Who are you? What do you want?

I've come to take your worthless head.

You're a ninja. Would you kill one of your own?

Yes, you cowardly traitor!

I don't know what you're talking about. Who the hell are you?

You'd better use your last moments to beg your ancestors for forgiveness.

What have I done? What is this all about?

Please, tell me. I don't understand.

- You have a short memory. - What do you mean?

Remember Jen Boku? You do remember!

Uncle Foo!

Trying to leave me out of all the fun?

Be careful!

Uncle Foo! Keep going!

Stay back! I'll take him.

Uncle Foo, are you all right?

Uncle Foo, get out of here!

Master, thanks for the trick you taught me last time.

It even works on you.

Shut it! Uncle Foo's injured!

Uncle Foo, are you injured?! Uncle Foo, are you OK? Who did this?

Go get some medicine!

Don't worry. It's good medicine. You'll recover in three days.

I feel much better now.

Ah Chee, where is Ah Ching?

He's outside.

Put this on.

Master, Uncle Foo's here.

- Ah Ching. - Uncle Foo.

You saw me growing up. I think of you as my second father.

When I have a bad day or problems, you're the first person I talk to.

Now someone's trying to kill you and you keep it from me. Why?!

Ah Ching...

I'm Japanese. I was a ninja.

A ninja?!

Yes, I was a ninja.

They're low-class people who risk their lives for their masters.

They can endure indescribable hardships.

They can do things that an ordinary person can't.

They don't trust anyone.

They only trust their own judgements.

They would do whatever it takes to achieve their objectives.

The weapons they normally use are - darts...

explosives...

and bombs.

That's what a ninja is like.

Uncle Foo, why is this guy trying to kill you?

That is a very long story. I can't explain it in a few words.

- Just tell us some of it. - But anyway, he's a perfect ninja.

I don't think so. You can move to my place.

We'll fight and he can't escape.

It's only me, Master.

You idiot!

- Can't you stop fooling around? - Master, you nearly killed me.

What's the big idea, going around dressed up like a ninja?

Uncle Foo says ninjas are very good.

- How could you mistake me for him? - Just stop this nonsense.

- Go get the medicine for Uncle Foo. - All right. I'm your slave.

One of these days... What bad luck!

Why do bad things keep happening to me?

Another ninja wannabe. This is getting really trendy.

Get lost. You're blocking my way.

Where did he go?

Uncle Foo! Watch out!

I've been waiting for you a long time.

You're pretty brave, attacking an old man.

There's no way out for you.

It's Japanese. You should be able to read.

This cage is specially designed for you.

I'm here.

Don't expect to get out of here easily.

You could get out of the cage. Why not try the door, too? Come on.

Quit trying to get away. You're stuck.

This is my home. I won't let you escape.

Trying to put out the lights? I'll put them back on.

I'll put it in the vase so you can't put it out.

The silver dust!

I'll be damned!

Huh? Can you eat me?

What kind of talk is that for a nice girl?

I know how to greet you people.

He's hiding there, isn't he?

Oh, you want me to sit? I understand that.

It'd be easier ifyou had a chair. You sit down, too.

What the heck is she saying?

'He can't stay there forever. I can wait as long as you can.'

'How dumb do they think I am? The tea must be poisoned.'

Good tea, but useless trick.

You drink it, as well.

Dumbo? Dumbo.

Is she calling me names?

You want to have a date with me.

"I'm at your place now"

I'll bet you think you really had me fooled all the time.

'Damn! Uncle Foo!'

Master, well done!

He thought he'd fooled me with his clever trick.

Ah Chee, tell Uncle Foo what our counterattack strategy was.

Yes, Master. You cleverly put a dummy on the bed to fool him.

He knows how to play tricks, so do l.

Both of you are clever

but I think you're more clever than him.

Imagine when that ninja opened his bag -

it'd keep him occupied playing chop, chop.

He's having bad luck just like you.

Uncle Foo, how do you say "son of a bitch" in Japanese?

Well, let's see. In Japanese it would be...

You can pick up swear words amazingly quickly.

This is not a skill which might take me ten years to learn.

But I think ten years might still not be enough.

- Do you think so? - I know what you're like.

Don't worry, Uncle Foo.

I give you my solemn word of honour that you'll be safe.

Yeah. I know.

It's very late now. Go to bed.

I don't think that ninja will come again.

Hey! You're half asleep now. You'd better be hitting the sack.

He's on fire.

- We can turn him into a roast pig. - Jump. Come on!

- We got him this time. - There's lots of oil.

He's got away.

Uncle Foo, are you sure?

- This guy is something. - Yeah.

Fukoda.

I see you still remember your real name.

As I remember the voice of a dear friend.

Sanchiro, it's good to see you.

I almost didn't recognise you. I didn't expect to find you dressed up.

My old kimono.

Today is a sort of a... special occasion.

Oh, you mean to say you were expecting my visit after all.

I've had another visitor from the past recently.

I know, I followed him here

to try to salvage what's left of my reputation with the Ega family.

Who does he work for? Why do they want us destroyed?

He works for no one but himself. It's a personal one-man war.

- His motive is revenge. - Revenge for what?

He blames us for his father's death.

- Who is he? - His name is Jen Moo.

Of course. Jen Boku's son.

You need some medicine. I'll be right back.

"Clinic"

Leave me alone.

I'm having a cold, as well. I'll give you an extra portion.

The rat poison!

Uncle Foo?

Uncle Foo!

Dear Ching, don't be upset.

Please don't come and find me, either. I've left.

I couldn't say goodbye in person

for fear I couldn't control my emotions.

l hope you'll always think of me

as a strong and confident old man.

l really hope that I can still lead a peaceful life,

so I can still go to the coast with you and watch the sun rise

but a man's destiny doesn't always unfold as he wishes it to.

I know I can't live long and I'm well prepared for that.

I hope I can use my own blood

to dissolve people's hatred towards ninja.

I have lots of good memories of my years in China.

I'm very grateful for all the support and fun you've given me.

I leave you a memento - one side of my smiling Buddha.

Please forgive the young man who came to find me.

Remember I'm going back there of my own free will.

I'm sorry the time has come for me to say goodbye to you.

Farewell - Uncle Foo."

Bloody Japanese. Drink it down.

This is medicine very good!

It can cure your diseases and make you stronger too.

Why don't you drink it? It's really good.

No! No! I'm going to die!

Wait! Don't give it to her!

It's poisoned.

No. Don't give it to her! This is of my own making.

It's not too bad. She's going to die with me.

That would make me feel better.

"Rat Poison"

You didn't add the poison. I'm not going to die. How lucky I am!

I have nothing against you. Just stay out of my way from now on.

How did you know where I was?

It was easy once I knew it was you.

OK, now you've found me. What are you going to do?

I will do what I came to do. I will destroy you.

Destroy me? Don't be so sure of yourself.

Old man, you're not as strong as you used to be.

Fokuda would spare your life but I won't. You went too far.

And I will have your head for it!

You will, huh?

You dedicated your life to revenge, without thinking you could be wrong.

You took a sacred oath as a ninja but only so you could betray us.

- You murdered my father! - Enough!

Sanchiro, it's just you and me now.

Uncle Foo! Uncle Foo!

Why did you let them tie you up like this?

Why did you come so late?

- Not too late. You're still alive. - The ninja saved me.

Really? No.

Who's going to untie me?

I'm going to die this time.

She's a ghost!

Don't be afraid.

You're still alive, then.

Beautiful lady, I'm in love.

Jen Moo, it's Fukada.

Jen Moo, you're making a mistake if you think I am your enemy.

Good technique.

But you still have much to learn.

You are nowhere near as good as your father was.

Shut up, you bastard!

Your father was not a true ninja, Jen Moo, he was never...

totally cold-blooded in his performance.

Nobody could match his knowledge and skill... nobody.

And yet he was not cut out to be a ninja.

A true ninja must be totally obsessed - a killing machine.

Your father was too kind-hearted.

In the midst of battle, his thoughts were of his family.

Brother, make sure my son gets this if I die today.

We fought in a rebellion against Mobi Santo and we were beaten.

Jen Boku died honourably. No better man ever lived.

His friend somehow managed to escape.

Take this.

I kept it for you...

through all my years of exile.

I was so wrong.

I beg your forgiveness.

I fled from the dishonour of defeat, not from you.

But you couldn't have known that.

And now, I give you my life.

What? What do you mean?

I took...

poison before I came here, Jen Moo.

- But why? - It was my duty as a ninja...

to erase the dishonour of my defeat.

Instead...

I ran away and went into hiding...

and dishonoured myself even further.

Jen Moo...

please take this...

from your father's best friend.

The Chinese boy...

tell him l...

The pain... can't stand it.

It's too much... use your sword.

Use your sword!

Use your sword!

Uncle Foo!

Uncle Foo! Uncle Foo! I came too late! Uncle Foo!

You bastard! Hold it there!

Come back here! Stop there!

Hold it there!

Why did you kill him?! Why? Why did you do that?!

He was begging you but you still killed him.

Do you call yourself a man? Come on fight me?!

You...

You don't understand Chinese. I'll speak Japanese.

Listen! You're a son of a bitch!

You understand that! Son of a bitch!

I'm no murderer. You're wrong.

What?! I don't know what you're talking about.

But I do know you've killed Uncle Foo!

You son of a bitch!

Your stinking father was a whore-hopper!

You'd better watch it, Chinaman!

Bastard! You son of a bitch! You mother is a whore!

You're determined to die, aren't you?

For you I don't need a sword, though.

No holds barred. Follow me.

"No honesty on the battlefield"

No honesty on the battlefields.

Bastard!

You might as well hide behind a tennis net.

"To be adaptable is the best tactic"

I have to go out and fight him.

Let me see how you can survive this fire.

The fight's only started.

Bloody Japanese! You seem to be fireproof.

When your mum was pregnant, she must have drunk too much water.

- Asshole. - I beg your pardon?

I said you big asshole!

- So you know Chinese. - I also know Chinese kung fu.

We don't call that Chinese kung fu.

You evil Japanese, you know nothing about it.

You're the one who's evil. You always want to burn me alive.

Why did you kill my uncle?

I didn't kill him. He asked for the sword. The pain was too much for him.

Liar! You killed him!

Listen, there's a misunderstanding between us.

And I did not murder him.

Bullshit!

He wanted us to be friends.

I'll never want to have a friend like you.

- Do you believe me or not? - Never!

l leave you a memento - one side of my smiling Buddha.

Please forgive the young man who came to find me.

Listen, I'll repeat it again - I did not kill Uncle Foo.

He took the poison. He even left me a smiling Buddha. Please believe me!

Watch out! The rail's breaking!

Thank you very much. I did not kill Uncle Foo.

- You have to believe me. - I know the truth now.

We're still not safe.

- The rope's about to slip. - What now?!

Help me swing us on to the balcony.

One... two... three...

Shit! It's the father of that phoney magician.

This is useful against him.

A sex book is some weapon.

This is my business. You can go now.

You helped in that restaurant. It's time I pay you back.

I wasn't expecting you'd say that.

- Shall we? - This way.

You can use this one. Just watch how I do it.

You're a real smart ass, aren't you?

What are they doing?

They're constructing the altar of magic.

- That's supposed to be magic? - They haven't started yet.

"Weapons Box"

I've got my tools handy, too.

You two are real arseholes! How dare you ruin my reputation!

You are messing with my magic and my power.

Today I'm going to punish you to redeem myself.

- What a maniac! - You're absolutely right.

Weapons are useless!

Weapons have no effect on him!

They're all fakes. A real weapon will stop him.

Be careful!

Don't worry. I'm coming.

Be careful!

Your weapon won't hurt him.

Give that sword to your wife for cutting vegetables.

Prepare to die! Here I come.

What's happening?

Where's my leg?

Why is that?

I figured it out.

His magic is local. Your sword is foreign.

Therefore...

He's dressed up like a shaolin monk.

- Let me. - Are you sure?

- Just wait and see. - All right, then.

Come on.

Get a grip, baldy!

We can't make a silk purse out of this! Yuck!

Let me have him!

I can't swim!

Old man, you come down now!

Let me see you fight, if you dare, big phoney bullshitter!

He won't come down. Let him keep humming himself to sleep.

- I'll teach you a Japanese phrase. - What is it, then?

Wait. What does that mean?

Let's see. It means "walk out" in Cantonese.

You can't walk out now.

What if the old man's going to knock down my family's temple?

We're not from the same family but can you help me to keep it?

Can you put it out?

One, two, three...!

The fire's burning his own men. How exciting!

He still won't come down.

I've got a plan.

I bet I could take him.

He's calling up a demon.

If you dare interrupt me again, I'll kill you! Watch this.

You think the demon has possessed your body. I'll still kick your ass.

He's using god skills.

Leong Kit! Take a look!

Ah Chee's dirty artwork sure took care of him.

What did the picture do to him?

The practice of god skills demands pure thoughts - no women.

Look out.

He looks like a devil.

My bomb is as effective as the book.

- Master! - I'll have to borrow your woman.

Be careful!

Turn his head this way.

Nice Japanese tits!

- Asshole! - Very nice. Thank you!

Pull him up, Ching, hang him high.

It's just like I've always said - you can do battle with strength,

you can do battle with wit,

but no weapon can beat a great pair of tits.

Even if you're fully fit...

Stop!