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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003
*
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,977
One, two, three...
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,046
Stop moving! Damn it!
4
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,581
Made me lose count.
5
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,250
Who is Grandpa Mort
on the phone with?
6
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,486
Grandpa Mort's taking
us to the Bahamas.
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,888
Really? We're-we're
going to the Bahamas?
8
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,990
Well, I'm not
hearing music anymore.
9
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,059
So, either my hearing aid's died
10
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,860
or the travel agent did.
11
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,697
Oh, here, Grandpa. We can, uh...
we can book your rooms on
12
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,699
-Hotels.com.
-GREG: You know what, give me
that, Matt.
13
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,534
I mean, what's the point
of getting beat up
14
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,203
all through high school if
you can't show your grandfather
15
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,037
how to use technology, right?
16
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,839
You don't have to be
a nerd to use this.
17
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:39,907
(laughs)
18
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,542
So, uh, you pick
19
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,011
the resort you want.
Right?
20
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,113
Just like that.
21
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,280
Matt, you're so good.
22
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,715
You're like a hacker.
23
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,217
What? Oh, come on, Mom.
24
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,085
I mean, anyone can do that.
25
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,953
Says the guy who didn't do it.
26
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,455
MORT:
Now let's get to the flights.
27
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,757
-Okay.
-I only fly Pan Am,
28
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,993
and I need to be
in the smoking section.
29
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,965
SOPHIA:
Wow!
30
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,467
-This place is amazing.
-Oh!
31
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,237
I feel bad.
Mort's missing so much.
32
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,972
-(chuckles)
-Mort. Look.
33
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,775
Oh, Matthew Jerome,
I cannot believe you did this.
34
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,644
He didn't do anything.
I mean, did everyone see?
35
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,379
I tipped the driver.
36
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,781
Greg, you're still holding
the money in your hand.
37
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,784
(gasps)
38
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,953
-This is so beautiful.
-Well, you think
39
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,155
the outside's beautiful...
(scoffs)
40
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,822
...wait until
you see the inside.
41
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,758
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
42
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,092
(grunts)
43
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,762
-Greg, you got this
cabana just for us?
-Huh?
44
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,631
Yeah, one second. Hey,
everybody! I got us a cabana!
45
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,334
You just screamed that
directly into my face.
46
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:41,735
Well, then,
they definitely heard me.
47
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,905
Why aren't they all running
in here and chanting "Greg"?
48
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,176
Because this isn't college and
you're not doing a keg stand?
49
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,077
Well, they had no problem
celebrating Matt
50
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,513
-when all he did was just touch
a little screen.
-Oh, my God.
51
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:53,847
Are you serious?
You got this cabana
52
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,283
just because Matt
booked the rooms?
53
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,285
You're damn right I did. What,
you think I spent all this money
54
00:01:57,318 --> 00:02:00,087
to impress you? You're not
my family-- you're just my wife.
55
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,656
Oh, hey, uh, Heather, hey--
check it out.
56
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,658
I got this cabana
for the whole family.
57
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,994
Oh, that's so nice. Hey,
do you have a bathroom in there?
58
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,162
No.
59
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,864
Okay. I think I'm gonna
just go swimming instead.
60
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,935
-Go, Dad!
-(squealing, laughing)
61
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,136
Oh, my God!
62
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,339
Man, I love this resort.
63
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:21,675
I wish we had our honeymoon
at Baha Mar.
64
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,943
Greg?
65
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,345
Remember our honeymoon?
66
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,346
You were there.
67
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:26,614
Look at them.
68
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,317
It is like they are addicted
to the pool.
69
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,952
And they have one at home. I
mean, we got a color TV in here.
70
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,855
Yeah, I always love
connecting with you.
71
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:38,025
I don't get it. I just...
I do not understand it.
72
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,027
Okay, Greg, if you really
want your family
73
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,530
to come in here so bad, just
tell 'em we want to be alone.
74
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,898
That usually brings 'em running.
75
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,701
That's a great idea.
76
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,036
I'll be right back.
77
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,304
And easy on the grapes,
all right?
78
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,739
Those are for everyone.
79
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,512
Come on.
80
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,414
Huh?
81
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,849
How 'bout this?
82
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,252
Welcome to our cabana.
83
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,387
We've got a fully-stocked bar
over there.
84
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,589
Full color TV.
85
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,524
Some magazines.
My, uh...
86
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,993
...beautiful wife.
87
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,063
Always fun to come in
right under magazines.
88
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,197
(chuckles)
89
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,233
Um, can I go back in the pool?
90
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:21,502
Uh, yeah, sure. Just, uh, uh,
be sure to tell everybody
91
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,237
how lit it is in here.
Okay?
92
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,239
I guess if it
comes up organically.
93
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,341
But it kind of feels
desperate otherwise.
94
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,343
So... bye.
95
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,944
Wh-What do you mean, desperate?
96
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,447
Greg, honey, who cares
if your family thinks
97
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,349
you're less generous than Matt?
98
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,850
Who is poor, by the way.
I mean,
99
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,852
let's see him get a cabana
for the family.
100
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:42,122
It's a lot harder than just,
you know, booking rooms.
101
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,457
Is it, though?
102
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,293
No, it's pretty much
the exact same thing.
103
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,394
But still!
104
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,128
He just booked it
for the free nights.
105
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,129
Wait, what was that?
106
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,631
Free nights?
107
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,633
Yeah. On Hotels.com,
you get a free night
108
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,934
for every ten you stay.
109
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,436
Colleen was telling me
all about it
110
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,070
on the flight over.
By the way,
111
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,472
she will still keep talking
112
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,741
even if you pretend
you're asleep.
113
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,810
Unbelievable.
114
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,712
Hey, Jen.
115
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,779
I got your text.
116
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,481
You want to make fun
of Greg in private?
117
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,317
Ha! No.
(laughs)
118
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,485
I sent that text
from Jen's phone,
119
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,887
and you came running
like a little idiot.
120
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,088
JEN:
Oh, my God. Greg,
121
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,491
you said you would let me leave
before you did this.
122
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,593
No, Jen, I want you here
to witness this.
123
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,162
Prepare to be
even more attracted to me.
124
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:26,266
I know that you booked
this whole vacation
125
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,469
so that you could get
some free nights.
126
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,904
-Yeah.
-Don't deny it.
127
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,741
Colleen and I haven't taken
a trip by ourselves, ever.
128
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,743
Oh, yeah, she did mention that
on the plane.
129
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:39,179
Then she used my credit card
to order a Bistro Box.
130
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,914
Well, ha-ha, how about that?
131
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,283
You know, I bet the whole family
would love to know
132
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:46,286
that you did all of this
just for your own benefit.
133
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,288
I told 'em.
They were all really happy
134
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,157
that we could finally take
a honeymoon together.
135
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,826
Wow.
(clears throat)
136
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,595
It would appear that...
137
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,330
you've covered
all of your bases
138
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,931
and I have...
139
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,600
wasted a lot of money.
140
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,801
Wow, Greg.
141
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,269
This is so hot.
142
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,872
Really sorry
that this upset you so much.
143
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,206
How 'bout I pay for this cabana?
144
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,441
That make you feel better?
145
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,510
Yes. Yes, it would.
146
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,111
Okay.
147
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,713
Boy, it's a scorcher out there.
148
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,682
It's a good thing you
got this cabana, Greg.
149
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,116
Actually, I'm the one
who's paying for it,
150
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,518
so you should probably
be thanking me.
151
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,852
Right, Greg?
152
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,554
-My hero.
-Oh!
153
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:21,689
-Mwah.
-Mwah.
154
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:22,890
MATT:
Hey, everybody,
155
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,392
welcome to the cabana
that I'm paying for.
156
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,393
-There's water, grapes.
-Oh!
157
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,394
Make yourselves at home.
158
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,228
-Thank you. So generous.
-Beautiful.
159
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,663
(indistinct chatter)
160
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,699
There's a color TV.
161
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,334
*
162
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,336
-HEATHER: Ooh!
-Okay!
163
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,672
-Feeling lucky.
All I need are some numbers.
-All right,
164
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,240
kids' birthdays.
Tyler.
165
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,075
Sam.
166
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,343
And Sophia.
167
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,045
No.
168
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,548
-Sophia's...?
-No. Not even close, babe.
169
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,549
TIM:
Red,
170
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,150
-the color of Sophia's eyes.
-Mm.
171
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,719
WOMAN:
Help! We need a doctor!
172
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,154
-Somebody help!
-HEATHER: Honey,
that guy's choking.
173
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,823
-Oh, my God.
-Okay. Hey.
174
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,558
Look out!
I'm a doctor!
175
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,226
I'm a doctor!
It's okay.
176
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,994
It's okay.
You're all right, sir.
177
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,763
You're all right, sir.
I got you. You ready? You ready?
178
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,932
-(grunting)
-Okay. Come on, come on.
179
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,400
Here we go.
All right.
180
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,201
And one more.
181
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,903
-Let's do it!
-(coughs, gasps)
182
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,072
-Oh! Babe, you did it!
-(applause)
183
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,744
That's my husband!
That's my husband!
184
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,346
The-the doctor,
not the choking guy! Oh, God!
185
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,182
-Yes! Yes!
-Thank you. Oh.
186
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,784
And he's good in bed!
187
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:27,888
Really... just, good in bed!
188
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,957
And then, just like that-- boom,
189
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,392
your dad saved this guy's life.
190
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:34,227
-(chuckling)
-Way to go, Dad.
191
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,530
Hey, does that help
with your malpractice suit?
192
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:39,266
That's a whole separate thing.
193
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,268
-Oh.
-That is so amazing.
194
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,303
Hey, you know,
maybe I should be a doctor.
195
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,505
Yeah, sure.
196
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,440
Sure.
197
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,208
And if that wasn't enough,
198
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,743
it was a rich guy.
199
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,145
That's worth, like,
two normal people lives.
200
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,814
Good for you, Dad.
201
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,216
Oh, I wouldn't use
the word "hero," sweetie,
202
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,452
but... I'm not gonna
stop you if you do.
203
00:06:58,486 --> 00:06:59,953
You know what, honey,
I think I'm having
204
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,222
a hard time breathing,
and I might need you
205
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,891
to get behind me later tonight.
206
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:04,958
-Oh, no.
-Ooh.
207
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,259
Ooh.
208
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,896
You're literally surrounded
by your children.
209
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,898
Oh, oh, you guys,
there he is. Right there.
210
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,934
This is the guy
who owes his life to your dad.
211
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,436
Oh, he doesn't have to
stop and say thank you,
212
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,606
but I'm not gonna deny
him the opportunity to.
213
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,641
Hey. Doc...
214
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,479
That's weird.
215
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,414
-Maybe he's still in shock.
-Yeah. Yeah.
216
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,349
You know what?
I think I'm in shock, too.
217
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,418
I think I might need someone
218
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,354
to knock some life
into me later tonight. Yeah.
219
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,289
-Mom!
-Oh, what?
220
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,626
We're in a public place.
221
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,930
I can't believe
he didn't say thank you.
222
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,032
Mm. I thought you said
he was in shock.
223
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,367
No.
Shock's not a real thing.
224
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,603
It's just something doctors say
when we don't know what's wrong.
225
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:52,706
Well, go over there. Give him
a chance to say thank you.
226
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:55,342
-He had his chance.
He walked right by me.
-Ugh.
227
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,010
He embarrassed me
in front of Clementine,
228
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,879
my very own daughter-in-law.
229
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:02,550
Well, you know, honey, he
probably didn't recognize you.
230
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,352
I mean, the whole thing,
it happened so fast.
231
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,187
I do look like a local.
232
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,556
Oh, yeah.
233
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,524
-Yeah, watch my drink.
-Yeah, you got it.
234
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,159
I'm gonna watch
something else, too, there.
235
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,461
Walk away slowly, hero.
236
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,463
Don't.
You know I hate that.
237
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,131
I can still see it.
238
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:21,134
Yeah, there's
a lot there to see.
239
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,070
Uh, we'll play tennis
in the morning.
240
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,071
-I'm gonna take a lesson.
-Mm-hmm.
241
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,138
Hey, buddy.
242
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,807
What can I do for you?
243
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,710
Dr. Tim Hughes, lifesaver.
(laughs)
244
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,344
Want to get get your hands
off me, please?
245
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:33,013
I saved you from choking.
246
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,414
My hands were all over you.
247
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,850
(laughs)
Sir, I think that you've had
248
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,318
a little too much to drink.
249
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,053
Maybe this will jog your memory.
250
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,055
Huh? It's the olive
you almost choked on.
251
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,591
I mean, it's not
the exact same one,
252
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,258
but I did find it
on the ground.
253
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:48,028
(laughs) I have no idea
what you're talking about.
254
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,229
Honey, let's get out of here.
255
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,263
The guy's putting
the moves on me.
256
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,499
Okay?
257
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,135
You're welcome.
258
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,439
-He say thank you?
-No.
259
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,775
Man, I was so stupid to think
I could have gotten a selfie
260
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,577
of the two of us posing
with the olive.
261
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,878
Okay, honey, you know what?
262
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,379
You have all of these patients
263
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,748
that really appreciate you.
264
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,349
Okay, so one doesn't.
Big deal.
265
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,551
No, it is a big deal, Heather.
I'm an ENT.
266
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,888
I never get to swoop in and save
someone's life like a rock star.
267
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:18,458
It's all just polyps
and throat cultures.
268
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,227
That saves lives.
269
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,562
Yeah, but they're asleep
when I do it.
270
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,365
No one's ever awake enough
during surgery to say thank you.
271
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,400
-Mm.
-Except Mr. Samson,
272
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:30,437
-but we really shouldn't be
talking about the lawsuit.
-No.
273
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,773
Honey, you did the right thing.
274
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,307
Okay?
Remember that.
275
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,309
You are a great doctor.
276
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,880
I should've let him die.
277
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,115
*
278
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,951
French fries.
279
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,085
Oh. Mmm.
280
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,620
Look at him over there.
281
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,657
-Breathing, living.
-Oh, my God.
282
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,424
Hoarding his gratitude.
283
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,393
All right, Tim, honey,
you've got to just let it go.
284
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,495
All right?
I mean,
285
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,898
maybe he's just the kind of guy
who doesn't say thank you.
286
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,467
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You're a lifesaver.
287
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,835
Extra pickles.
288
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,271
-Okay, that's it.
-Tim, honey, I...
289
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,306
Hey!
What's your problem?
290
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:09,142
Oh. This lemon meringue, again.
Okay, what do you want?
291
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,577
I want to hear
you say, "Thank you
292
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,445
for saving my life
in the casino."
293
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,448
No. (stammers) I don't know
what you're talking about.
294
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,918
I... No, sir. (laughs)
I was not in the casino.
295
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,519
The casino?
296
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:21,822
Yeah, you promised you'd stop.
297
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:22,956
Honey, please.
298
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,257
Uh, uh, he's crazy.
299
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,426
Okay? I've never seen him
before in my life.
300
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,461
-You're a lying bastard.
-S... Honey, please.
301
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:29,963
Please!
302
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,665
Oh, you're an idiot.
303
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,633
I told her that I would
never gamble again.
304
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,169
She said if she caught me,
she'd leave me. Thanks a lot.
305
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,872
Hey, I'm a doctor.
306
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,308
No "thank you" necessary.
307
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,542
(laughs)
This guy.
308
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,217
COLLEEN:
Honey, I know your grandpa
paid for the entire trip,
309
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,619
but doesn't five bucks
feel a little cheapy?
310
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,022
-That's twice as much as he
ever gave me for my birthday.
-Mm.
311
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,323
-All right, here we go.
-Okay.
312
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,758
This won't take long.
313
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,929
(slot machine chiming)
314
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:04,832
-(machine ringing)
-(gasps)
315
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,233
Oh. Matt.
316
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,801
Okay, this machine
has to be broken
317
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,336
because we're never lucky.
318
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,904
Yeah.
The last thing I won
319
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,973
was a BMX bike
on a radio call-in.
320
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,142
And then when I went to go pick
it up, it was a sting operation
321
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,544
to arrest my dad
for unpaid parking tickets.
322
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,180
There was no bike.
323
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,184
*
324
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,189
Where are Matt and Colleen?
325
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,158
I thought it was going to be
the four of us.
326
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,727
Yeah, I know. Well, that might
have been the reason some
327
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,729
of us even agreed to do this
in the first place.
328
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:36,864
JOAN:
Oh, well.
329
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,866
How often do you and I get to do
330
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:42,135
a quiet activity alone together
for two and a half hours?
331
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,372
This is two and a half hours?
332
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,374
Wow. Well...
(clears throat)
333
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,442
If your critique of my art is
anything like your critique
334
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,445
of my breakfast choices,
this is gonna be a lot of fun.
335
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:56,583
Who eats sushi before 11:30
in the morning?
336
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,418
No, don't raise your hand.
337
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,988
I'm asking the class.
338
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,927
-(machine ringing)
-This is insane.
-(chuckles)
339
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,196
(groans) I'm starving and
I have to go to the bathroom.
340
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,131
I know, I know. Me too.
I know, but we can't leave.
341
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:12,465
N-No.
342
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,567
Everybody knows
that this is a hot machine,
343
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,469
and the vultures are circling.
344
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:20,073
Excuse me. Uh, I believe there's
a time limit on these machines.
345
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,775
Sorry. Go fly away,
little birdie. Fly away.
346
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,911
-Fly away.
-Okay, okay. Okay.
347
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,112
All right.
We have to take a break.
348
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,247
-We have to do something.
-Okay.
349
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,583
Okay, Grandpa.
350
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:33,153
We're just gonna go ahead
and put you right here,
351
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,487
and if anyone tries
to wheel you away,
352
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,389
you just scream, okay?
(groans)
353
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,325
COLLEEN:
Okay, thanks. Bye.
354
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,127
I don't know this show.
355
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,761
What is this show?
356
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:44,998
Where's Andy Rooney?
357
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,968
(indistinct chatter)
358
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,137
Oh, look. Hi, kids.
359
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,005
-Hi!
-Oh, hey.
360
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,841
Hi. Have you seen Matt
and Colleen?
361
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,675
We've been searching
for them everywhere.
362
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,345
They've been holed up in the
casino, missing all of this.
363
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,813
-Ooh.
-Oh, yeah, no.
364
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,481
-You help yourself.
-Wait a minute.
365
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,250
They've been hiding out
in the casino all day?
366
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,652
Man, why didn't I think of that?
367
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,455
Didn't you have fun
at art class?
368
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,758
Well, no, I mean,
the second hour
369
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,527
really was a banger.
370
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,463
*
371
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,198
-All right. Whoa.
-(shrieks)
372
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,333
-Oh, no, no.
It's just us. It's okay.
-Oh.
373
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,535
I'm glad you're back.
I'm sick of sitting here.
374
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:25,172
I came to Nassau
for the ocean view.
375
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,373
Say no more.
376
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,512
There you go.
377
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,282
I'm not so old that
I don't know the difference
378
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,885
between a wall and the ocean.
379
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,819
Oh.
380
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,355
It's windy today.
381
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,557
*
382
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,229
There you are.
383
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,031
What are you two doing?
384
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,333
You've been in here all day.
385
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:57,337
You should be outside,
enjoying paradise.
386
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,308
And why is Mort in a time-out?
387
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,376
Oh, no. He didn't
say that word again, did he?
388
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,378
Oh, no, that's just
where we're storing him.
389
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,813
Storing him?
390
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,215
Until we need him
to hold the machine
391
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,316
when we go to the
bathroom and get food,
392
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,583
take naps and stuff.
393
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,819
Wow. Just what he wants
to be doing on what is--
394
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,222
let's be honest--
his final vacation.
395
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:18,225
I'll be in the Bahamas
next month.
396
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,160
That's now, Mort.
397
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,230
Here, let me wheel you
to a different wall,
398
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,099
-give you a change of scenery.
-Oh.
399
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,001
-Wonderful.
-This is
400
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,537
a couples excursion
to a private island.
401
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:34,441
Take it, please, and start
having a real vacation.
402
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,010
(sighs)
403
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,046
All right.
404
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,216
Oh, my God.
(chuckles)
405
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,952
This is...
406
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,220
I mean, look.
407
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,621
-Your mom is a genius.
-(chuckles)
408
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,057
I can't believe
we almost missed this.
409
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,792
-(chuckles): I know, right?
I mean, this is paradise.
-Mm.
410
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,432
What's that noise?
411
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,867
I think that's the ocean.
412
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,469
Oh.
413
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,272
-It's very loud.
Can't... Yeah.
-Mm.
414
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,275
That sun is...
415
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,909
It's really blinding.
416
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,244
-Mm-hmm.
-Mm.
417
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,645
Matt, ugh, this sucks!
418
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,114
Yeah, no, this is ridiculous.
419
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,615
I can't relax like this.
420
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,417
-We need to get back
to our machine.
-Yep.
421
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,386
Why do we ever listen to my mom?
422
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,787
-She's an idiot.
-Yes.
423
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,922
What was she thinking?
424
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,592
Hit it. Hit it. Hit it.
425
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,826
(chiming)
426
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,095
-Aah!
-Yes!
427
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,829
-Bring us our money!
-(clinking)
428
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,165
We want our money!
429
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,933
-Money person?
-But, seriously,
430
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,468
who does bring that money?
431
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:37,037
Hello?
432
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:45,112
I want to stand up
to make an announcement.
433
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,747
(grunts)
434
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,483
It'll sound the same sitting.
435
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:54,087
I didn't just bring you here
for a vacation.
436
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:58,291
I wanted to introduce you
to someone special in my life.
437
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,293
What, you're already
dating someone?
438
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,928
(quietly):
Mom just died.
439
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,465
Oh, but, to be fair,
she was a horrible person.
440
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,268
I'm not dating. I would never
betray your mother like that.
441
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,469
Now, I'd like you to meet
442
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,439
the son I had
behind your mother's back.
443
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,142
-What?
-Stuart.
444
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,110
Hello, family!
445
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,445
Hello!
446
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,946
Hi. How are you?
447
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,848
Nice to see you.
I'm your Uncle Stuart.
448
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,350
-How do you do?
-The olive guy.
449
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,717
Ah, it's a pleasure.
450
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,054
You, I know.
451
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,721
You, I don't like so much.
452
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,357
But I saved your life.
453
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,192
Yeah, you saved my life,
you killed my marriage.
454
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,860
How could you, Dad?
455
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,862
I told you--
I hated your mother.
456
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,697
But, over time, I...
457
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,699
I grew to hate his, too.
458
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,968
Oh, she's a horrible woman.
Your mother, not mine.
459
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,471
God rest her soul.
My mother, not yours.
460
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,140
Okay, okay.
So, I'm related to this guy?
461
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,142
What do you say you put out
your shaking hand and I say,
462
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,477
"You put that thing away"
463
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,079
and we hug like brothers?
464
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,414
What do you say you
and my good-for-nothing father
465
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,848
go to hell?
466
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:58,918
And then we'll hug
like brothers.
467
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,489
I'm so sorry, honey.
468
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,324
I can't imagine how you feel.
469
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,326
The rest of us are just reeling.
470
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,661
Well, Sophia didn't
seem to care much.
471
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,397
Oh, but she's a child.
472
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,999
Yeah, well, I'm not giving
her a birthday gift.
473
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,901
Who's the child now?
474
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,669
John.
475
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,671
How did he have time
for another family
476
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,507
when he never had time for ours?
477
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,076
You know, he worked nonstop.
478
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,178
Yeah, but when you
think about it,
479
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:29,949
what kind of a gym teacher
takes business trips?
480
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,919
I like these. What are these,
tuna? These tuna fish?
481
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,354
MORT:
Uh, stingrays.
482
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,922
-STUART: Stingrays?
-MORT: Yeah.
483
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,525
Oh, okay, yeah.
Okay, I can see that.
484
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,027
-You okay, Johnny?
-Yeah.
485
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,896
I want to make sure
you give Junior a fair shake.
486
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,466
Junior?
Who's Junior?
487
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,635
Oh, I don't like
where this is going.
488
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,869
Stuart's my middle name.
489
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,904
My first name is Mort,
just like Dad.
490
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,474
Mort Stuart Short?
491
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,244
Why do you get the most
beautiful name in the family,
492
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,978
-hmm?
-No, honey, don't worry.
493
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,048
I-I'm sure John
is a family name, too. Right?
494
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,816
We let the nurse name you.
495
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,120
(chirping)
496
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,955
I should've known when I saw Dad
497
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,124
having lunch
with another family.
498
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,393
-What? When did that happen?
-Yeah.
499
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,228
At his nursing home.
500
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:18,398
He said he wanted to eat
with his other family.
501
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,733
You know, I-I smiled
and just left,
502
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,402
knowing I'd done
the right thing,
503
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,271
putting him in that home.
504
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,973
Oh, well, now maybe you don't
have to visit him so much.
505
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,408
And you always complained
506
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,077
about that difficult
parking lot anyway.
507
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,813
I think my dad loves the man
he named after himself
508
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,648
more than he loves me.
509
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:38,151
And I'll bet that nurse named me
510
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,687
a-after a corpse in the hallway.
511
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,790
John Doe Short,
don't even say that.
512
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,125
You're focusing
on the wrong thing.
513
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,695
I mean, you can be angry
with your father
514
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,364
or you can be happy
you have a brother.
515
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:54,100
I mean, you always wished
for a brother, right?
516
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,469
Yeah. To teach me
to play the guitar.
517
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,038
But does Stuart even know how?
518
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,374
I mean, he's obviously
a cool guy,
519
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:04,344
but who knows if he's musical?
520
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:07,214
Well, why don't you talk
to him and find out?
521
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,783
Oh, sure.
Yeah, jazz,
522
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,685
classical, calypso,
523
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,355
rock, blues.
524
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,390
I hate every kind of guitar.
525
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:20,159
-Oh. Oh, well, then,
-Hmm.
526
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:23,563
uh, maybe you two can find
something else to bond over.
527
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,997
No.
528
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,367
No, I'm a man
of very few interests.
529
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,803
I'm just a guy
who spent his life in the skies.
530
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,039
Oh, you're a pilot, too?
531
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:34,341
Flight attendant!
532
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,075
Oh. Yeah.
533
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,678
W-Well, we'll-we'll
find something.
534
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,879
(chuckles)
535
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,991
* "L" is for the way *
536
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,694
* You look at me *
537
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,664
-* "O" is for... *
-Wow!
538
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,399
Great!
539
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,235
Look, uh, I'm...
540
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,771
sorry I was so cold
when we first met.
541
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,105
Oh, put that thing away.
542
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,407
Come on, come on.
Bring it in.
543
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,042
* "E" is even more
than anyone... *
544
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,280
Listen, Johnny boy,
545
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,448
having a brother takes
a little getting used to.
546
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,784
I know it took me a long time
to get used to Gary.
547
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,752
Oh, I don't like
where this is going.
548
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,254
Who's Gary?
549
00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,889
He's your other brother.
550
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,524
Dad got around a lot.
551
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,758
-You got to be kidding.
-No, no, no.
552
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,594
You're gonna love Gary.
He's the best.
553
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:30,597
Yeah. It's Mitch
that's the real bastard.
554
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,766
But that's teenagers for you.
555
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,968
Mitch?
556
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:39,539
Maybe Mitch knows how
to play the guitar.
557
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,208
* Was made for me *
558
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:46,245
* And you. *
559
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,876
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