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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
*
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,544
Edna, it is great to see you.
3
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,247
This is crazy, I mean,
you clean my mom's house
4
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:16,016
and now you're gonna
clean this house. (chuckles)
5
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,586
You really took us
on a ride there, Greg.
6
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:19,753
Yeah, well, I'm excited.
7
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,922
-I mean, she-she
watched me grow up.
-Mm-hmm.
8
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,092
Your kids masturbating
into socks yet?
9
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,160
Oh. (laughs)
10
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,529
That-that, that w-wasn't me,
that was,
11
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,431
that was Matthew
or possibly Heather.
12
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,201
Uh, any other questions,
13
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:36,170
you know, about, uh,
the house or our expectations?
14
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,505
Nope.
15
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,941
See? She's easygoing,
she is low-maintenance,
16
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,077
she is Edna.
17
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,878
Well, listen, we're so glad
you're available.
18
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,380
Managing two kids
and two careers,
19
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,116
this place is always a wreck.
20
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:51,185
Yeah, and if you can keep
this house as crisp and sharp
21
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,587
as the creases you iron
into my dad's jeans,
22
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,056
-pfft-- we'll be in business
a long time.
-Great.
23
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,092
What time do you want me
to be here tomorrow?
24
00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,427
Nothing's too early.
25
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,362
You just tell us when
to have our robes on.
26
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,965
Or in Greg's case, his sock off.
27
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,370
Edna?
28
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,638
We're home.
29
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,574
Ooh, I can smell
the floor polish.
30
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,377
Yeah, I spilled some
on the couch, sorry.
31
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,779
It's wet now,
but it'll dry hard.
32
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,249
Well, there goes
our movie night. (chuckling)
33
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,817
Oh, I can't stay,
anyway, and honestly
34
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,819
I can't stand the smell.
35
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,055
-See you next week.
-GREG: Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
36
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,390
What do you think you're doing?
37
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,159
-Come on, bring it on in.
-Oh.
38
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,594
-(laughing)
-Ah, thank you so much, Edna.
You're the best.
39
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,962
All right. (laughs)
40
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,464
There she goes-- first
41
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,932
valid inductee
to the Housekeeper Hall of Fame!
42
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,434
(chuckling)
43
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,570
See? I told you.
She may have shown up late,
44
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,804
but she left on time.
45
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,174
God.
46
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,476
Greg, the house looks
no different
47
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,178
than it did
when we left this morning,
48
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,912
aside from the stain
on our couch.
49
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,781
She did say that she hates dirt,
50
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,449
and clearly
she's been avoiding it.
51
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:58,686
Okay, it looks like she made
a batch of cookies and ate them.
52
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,188
Oh, right.
She's always had a sweet tooth.
53
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,523
-It's her only vice.
-(groaning)
54
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,193
Oh, and she also drank
55
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,728
the good Scotch.
It's her other only vice.
56
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,531
She didn't even make the bed.
57
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,334
No, wait. I made the
bed before we left.
58
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,269
Greg, she took a nap.
59
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:18,038
Well, let's see you drink four
fingers of Scotch and stay up.
60
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,508
-Are you defending her?
-No.
61
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,109
You're right, okay?
62
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,711
I mean, she's got
a great vibe, but
63
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,747
she apparently
has lost her touch.
64
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,819
Hi, Joan.
65
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:35,356
Listen, I was wondering if I
could talk to you about Edna.
66
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:38,392
Oh, she's got a great vibe,
doesn't she?
67
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:41,061
She does, yeah, and,
you know, we were
68
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,797
really excited about having
a great cleaning lady.
69
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:47,901
The thing is, at our house,
it turns out, she's just a lady,
70
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,136
and not even that.
71
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,138
I mean,
sh-she doesn't even flush.
72
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,408
Oh, well, there are some quirks
you have to work around.
73
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,377
Now, where did I put
the duster?
74
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,512
Here it is,
right in front of me.
75
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,814
-What are you doing?
Doesn't Edna do that?
-Oh, brilliantly.
76
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,717
That's how I learned,
by watching her,
77
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,754
but she really doesn't reach
above her shoulders anymore.
78
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,822
Oh. Is that, like,
a health thing?
79
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,225
No, no,
that's an attitude thing.
80
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,827
But she excels
at cleaning things
81
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,163
between chest and knees.
82
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,699
-That's the Edna pocket.
-Hmm, yeah.
83
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,534
That would make sense,
'cause our Scotch
84
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,270
was in the Edna pocket.
85
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:25,439
Oh, well, generally,
if you hide it behind something,
86
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,775
she'll miss it.
87
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,344
(whispering): Hey, keep it down.
You're gonna wake Edna.
88
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,546
What? She's here now?
89
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,348
-Yeah.
-Yeah, it's her cleaning day.
90
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,183
But you're the one
doing all the cleaning.
91
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,785
I mean, does she do anything?
92
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,254
-Well, she ironed John's jeans.
-Oh, yeah.
93
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,089
Yeah. I could
wear these to church.
94
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:45,293
But right now, you know, I'm
just gonna wear 'em to the gym.
95
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:48,596
Look at the edge on this.
You could cut a steak with them.
96
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,132
GREG (sighs):
Okay, well,
97
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,701
I put both kids to bed.
98
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,470
Great.
And I put Edna to bed.
99
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,706
On the air mattress?
With her bad back?
100
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:02,075
What? No. Greg, she's not
sleeping here. I-I fired her.
101
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,211
You fired her?
Wh-Why?
102
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,480
Because, you said it yourself,
she's lost her touch.
103
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,215
I mean, she is terrible.
104
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,150
I thought she just wasn't
doing anything here.
105
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,786
Turns out she's not
doing anything anywhere.
106
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,588
But she's like family.
107
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,457
What if, with all
of your imperfections,
108
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,958
I just decided to fire you?
109
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,260
Yeah, that-that-that
came out wrong.
110
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:24,298
I'm just saying, she's more than
just a cleaning person to us.
111
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:27,335
Greg, we don't need more
than a cleaning person.
112
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:30,971
-We need a cleaning person.
-(sighs)
113
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:34,908
Jen, how could you fire Edna?
She's family.
114
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,978
-She's despondent.
She can't clean.
-Yeah.
115
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,580
She doesn't clean, though.
116
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,114
That is the problem.
117
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,483
This is terrible.
118
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,518
She didn't touch
the dinner I made for her.
119
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,253
-GREG: (gasps) It's that bad?
-Yeah.
120
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,688
What are we gonna do?
121
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,790
I mean, we should throw
her a Scotch party
122
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,325
to get her
out of her depression.
123
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,327
Nope. Wrong direction.
Not doing that.
124
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,028
What does this woman have
over you?
125
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,331
I mean, I know she's got
the sock thing with Greg.
126
00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:59,266
Sock thing?
(scoffs)
127
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,602
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
128
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,204
Oh, she's talking
about you using socks
129
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,139
-to explore your body.
-Yeah.
130
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,108
-You-you knew about that?
-No.
131
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,378
Jen, you are a good mother.
132
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,179
You work very hard.
133
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,415
You deserve a clean house.
134
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,551
And I will take care of Edna.
135
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:20,120
Thank you.
136
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,555
Hi.
137
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:24,525
GREG:
Hey, babe.
138
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,494
Place is looking
pretty good, huh?
139
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,995
(clicks tongue)
140
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,297
What? This is how
you took care of Edna?
141
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,733
Shh, shh, shh, she's asleep.
142
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,904
Is she wearing my sweatpants?
143
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,706
Yeah.
144
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,708
But she ironed 'em first.
145
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,381
I was just watching
Antiques Roadshow,
146
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,850
and the most exciting
thing happened.
147
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,419
Someone found out their old junk
148
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,387
was worth slightly more
than they thought?
149
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,389
No! Well, yes.
150
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:56,424
But the point is,
151
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,858
guy was showing off
152
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,060
one of those floaty pens,
you know?
153
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,062
The ones that I
used to bring you
154
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,564
from all those flights I logged.
155
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,566
The only things I ever remember
you bringing us home
156
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,334
from your trips were
exotic strains of the flu.
157
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,036
No, the floaty pens.
158
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:12,272
The one you-you tipped over,
and the girl's top slid off.
159
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,341
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right, I remember.
160
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:18,211
It's the gift every girl dreams
of getting from her father.
161
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,014
Well, now they're actually worth
a lot of money.
162
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,416
So, go get yours.
163
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,251
I want to display them.
164
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,219
Oh, I have no idea
where mine are.
165
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:30,190
Yeah, and I gave mine to Matt,
so, good going, Matt.
166
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,359
Dad, why do you think
that we would keep track
167
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,961
of airport gift shop pens?
168
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,364
Oh, I get it. I should've
given you collector's knives
169
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,434
so you could have driven
them right into my heart.
170
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,938
They used to sell collector's
knives in the airport?
171
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,907
Huh.
172
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,945
I told Jen, as long as Edna gets
six hours of sleep at night
173
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,281
and a solid eight
during the day, she'll be fine.
174
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:57,084
Oh, my kids.
I need to talk to you.
175
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,488
Your father is very upset
about those pens,
176
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:03,423
and guess who gets
to bear the burden of that load.
177
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:06,093
Thank you very much.
178
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,828
-Mom, seriously?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
179
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,429
I mean, why does
Dad care so much
180
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,800
about those cheap, trashy
pens that objectified women?
181
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,502
Honey, it was a different time.
182
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,804
A worse time, but still.
183
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,239
Mom, Dad is totally overreacting
to all of this.
184
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,442
He sent us all nasty e-mails
questioning our paternity.
185
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:25,178
-What?
-I didn't get an e-mail.
186
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,747
You didn't?
187
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,816
-No.
-You will.
188
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,918
Sure he's just, you know,
189
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,286
sending them out individually.
190
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,188
(phone chimes)
191
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,990
Just got another one.
192
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,527
Those pens were your dad's way
193
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,094
of saying that he missed you
194
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,296
and he loved you.
195
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:46,667
Because saying that out loud
makes him feel "weird."
196
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,802
-Well, now I feel terrible.
-Yeah.
197
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:52,039
Yeah. All right, guys, we got
to try and find these things.
198
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,474
-Yeah, all your stuff
is in the garage.
-GREG: Okay.
199
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,145
HEATHER:
Oh!
200
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,880
My books!
(gasps)
201
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,815
I used to love to read.
202
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:06,053
Do you remember when I was gonna
be a Supreme Court justice?
203
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,055
I don't know what happened.
204
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,489
Oh!
205
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,458
My old bongs! Mm!
206
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,561
Aw, sweet! My 'nocs!
207
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,195
(laughs):
Oh, man!
208
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,566
I used to peep the illest birds
with these bad boys.
209
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:19,800
HEATHER:
Yeah, you told us
210
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,670
you used to use those to watch
Melanie Weber take showers.
211
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,404
I just wanted you guys
to think I was cool.
212
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,473
That's not what
it made us think.
213
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,075
So, this is the last box.
214
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:32,479
That makes four "Heathers,"
six "Gregs," and zero "Matts."
215
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,982
Always nice to take a trip
down memory lane in this family.
216
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,817
Okay, well,
two things are clear.
217
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,852
Our parents kept nothing
of Matthew's,
218
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,188
and the nudie pens
aren't here.
219
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:44,157
HEATHER:
Ooh! I found the pens.
220
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,993
Oh, word? Where?
221
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:50,530
On eBay, next to some
very sexually explicit candles.
222
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:53,033
(clears throat) You don't
strap on a candle, Heather.
223
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,267
Oh.
224
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,570
The set of pens is 700 bucks?
225
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,871
-That's ridiculous.
-MATT: Yeah, no.
226
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,873
Maybe Dad'll
just forget about it.
227
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,909
Ooh. I just got an e-mail
from Dad right now.
228
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,712
-What does it say?
-I don't know.
It's a photo montage.
229
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,280
-* Daddy's little girl *
-Oh! Oh, it's a picture
of me as a baby.
230
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,917
-* Dancing on his feet... *
-(phone chimes)
231
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,052
Oh. Hey, he just sent me
a montage, too.
232
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,555
Oh, no, no. It's just a picture
of a man holding me as a baby,
233
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,958
but his face is a question mark.
234
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,092
(chuckles)
235
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,862
He really did come
to my softball game.
236
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,430
Yeah, can you just, like,
pause this, Heather?
237
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,733
Okay, you know what?
We are gonna buy these pens,
238
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,267
because we owe it to Dad.
239
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,670
Oh, hey, did anybody
check this box?
240
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,274
What?
241
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,709
"Joan's Party Supplies."
242
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,110
Oh.
243
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:40,981
Oh. So, Mom has a set
of those candles.
244
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,650
-Hmm.
-(groans)
245
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,990
Hey, Dad, great news!
We found the pens!
246
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,992
Yeah, it-it turns out
we did keep them
247
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,061
because, you know,
we love you so much.
248
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,764
Great. Let's see 'em.
249
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,633
-They're getting
cleaned right now.
-Yeah.
250
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,803
But they should be here in
three to seven business days.
251
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:03,937
-Meh.
-Or...
252
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,505
even sooner.
253
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,841
Hmm?
254
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,744
You're the seller?
255
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,746
We just bought the pens back
from our own father.
256
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,147
Yep.
257
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:17,317
You outbid some...
pretty eager perverts.
258
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,585
Where did you find them?
259
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,354
Perverts?
They're all over the Internet.
260
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:24,157
No, Dad, the pens.
Where did you find the pens?
261
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,660
Oh, in Matt's box,
in the garage.
262
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:29,396
You guys did keep
some of my stuff? You...
263
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,700
That's mine.
264
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,634
You guys are great.
265
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,036
Oh, Dad, thank you.
266
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,939
And since you know
how much we love you,
267
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,640
maybe you could give us
our money back.
268
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:43,243
Take it up with eBay.
269
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,820
Well, John, thank you so much
for watching Lucas.
270
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,122
Oh, no problem.
271
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,991
No, I-I read his fairy tale
book to him ten times.
272
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,560
-Aw.
-I told him
he was getting addicted.
273
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:03,731
Well, that led into this
long talk about addiction.
274
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:07,000
I never want
to fall off a wagon.
275
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,202
-Mm. Oh. Aw.
-Aw.
276
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:11,504
Aw, you're leaving already?
277
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,240
Can I have a hug?
278
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,376
Lucas, go hug Mom-Mom.
279
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,745
Oh, don't force him.
280
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,479
Force him?
He can't wait.
281
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,148
(straining)
282
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,582
Please don't make me!
283
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,085
Lucas.
L-Lucas?
284
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,654
Oh, he's just shy.
285
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,891
Shy? We didn't run into
one person at lunch
286
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,726
he didn't try to hug.
287
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,763
Okay, thanks
for getting it. Bye.
288
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,097
Bye-bye, sweetie.
289
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,532
Aw. Don't feel bad, Joanie.
290
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,334
I'm sure Lucas loves you.
291
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,404
Well, uh, mm, you know,
not real sure,
292
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,607
but, uh, he doesn't
talk crap about you.
293
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,914
Oh, mercy, mercy, merc...
294
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,048
Oh, kids!
295
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,951
If you should happen
to run across a box
296
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,788
that's marked
"Joan's Party Supplies,"
297
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,757
for your continued
mental stability,
298
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,558
don't open it.
299
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,595
Sure thing, Ma.
300
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,730
Yeah, yeah.
301
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,400
Lucas?
302
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,567
Hi.
303
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,406
Um, w-would you like to help me
make some brownies?
304
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,641
Want to play Go Fish?
305
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,710
Legos?
306
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,712
Finger paints?
Coloring book?
307
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,615
Stickers?
Trucks? Dress-up!
308
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,750
Would you like to watch
Ernest go to camp?
309
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,586
I have it on VHS.
310
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,389
I know, because it's been
stuck in there for years.
311
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,192
Okay.
See you later.
312
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:46,800
What's going on?
313
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:50,137
Are you trying to remember how
to get back to the other room?
314
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:53,073
No. I-I'm trying
to lure Lucas out
315
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,908
from under the dining table.
316
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,309
With my candy?
317
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,178
I didn't dress up
like Jack Sparrow
318
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,480
at Halloween just to
have you waste it.
319
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:03,250
Honey, Colleen says he's shy,
320
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,485
but I-I think
it's something different.
321
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,588
That's fine, but if I find
an Almond Joy on the floor,
322
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,890
I'm gonna go off.
323
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,199
Hi, Lucas.
324
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,468
I'm so happy to see you.
325
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,872
Would you like some brownies
fresh from the oven?
326
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,874
No, I want to go home!
327
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,509
Hey, what's going on?
328
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,778
Um, could I have a word?
329
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,613
-Yeah.
-Come on, Lucas,
330
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,282
let's read that book
of yours again.
331
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,650
See if it ends differently
this time, huh?
332
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,352
Not.
(chuckles)
333
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,621
(chuckles)
334
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,023
Is everything okay?
335
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,292
Lucas is terrified of me.
336
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,360
No, Joan, I told you,
he's just shy.
337
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,130
Plenty of kids are shy.
I was a shy kid.
338
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,199
I-I don't think
it's just shyness.
339
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,367
I feel it's something deeper.
340
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:58,138
No, that's just my
therapeutic two cents.
341
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,472
Well, you know
what I think, Joan?
342
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,141
I think if you stop
trying to impress him
343
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,310
with all your yummy treats
and your fun stuff,
344
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,178
that maybe he would
actually start to like you.
345
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,546
See that?
So you're not the only one
346
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:10,250
who understands brain science.
347
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,922
Oh, my.
348
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:20,260
Lucas, you're just shy
around Mom-Mom, right?
349
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,596
It's not, like, some
deep-seated psychological issue?
350
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,533
-No.
-Exactly. You know.
351
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:30,037
Well, I'm sorry
that she is so pushy.
352
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,240
I didn't let her be pushy
when we got close to the oven.
353
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,441
What?
354
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,409
She's the witch!
355
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:39,579
Well, I mean, we all have
our opinions of her.
356
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,415
No. She's the witch
who puts out the candy
357
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,251
and tries to cook
Hansel and Gretel.
358
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,852
-Look.
-(gasps)
359
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,787
Oh, no.
360
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,957
Wow, that looks
exactly like her.
361
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,325
I have to send this to Jen.
362
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,596
Hi-ee.
(chuckles nervously)
363
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,199
So, I was just talking
to Lucas, and...
364
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,935
(chuckles)
Oh, my gosh, it's so funny.
365
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,603
You're gonna laugh.
366
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:06,206
Uh, but it-it was
something deeper, Joan.
367
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,741
You were right.
But it's also super funny.
368
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,243
-Oh, I'm glad it's funny.
-(chuckles)
369
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,612
Oh, I'm relieved.
Okay, I can take that.
370
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,215
-Tell me.
-All right. Well, um,
you know the book
371
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,450
that Lucas was trying
to get everyone to read him?
372
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:20,787
No, dear, because he's put me
on a grandma restraining order.
373
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:23,090
Right. Okay, well,
it's Hansel and Gretel.
374
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,258
And in it, there's a witch
375
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,727
that looks exactly like you.
376
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,296
-Like me?
-Uh-huh.
377
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,331
(chuckles):
Oh, no, I don't think so.
378
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,266
Isn't that crazy?
It's literally your twin.
379
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,901
That could be
your passport photo.
380
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,770
-(chuckles)
-I don't look anything like
that.
381
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,806
He's just shy.
382
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,825
Guys' night!
383
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,827
Hey, man. I'm really
sorry I'm late.
384
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,029
Has the fight started yet?
385
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,496
Oh... it's about to.
386
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,764
-What? Oh!
-(giggles)
I'm just kidding, man.
387
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,932
-I'd never hurt you.
-Okay.
388
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,167
I probably couldn't.
389
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,668
Where are the rest of the guys?
390
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,669
What are you talking about?
391
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,771
Guy. Guys. Guys' night.
392
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,007
What more do we need?
393
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,476
(quietly):
Aw, man.
394
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,710
Dude, check this out.
395
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,479
I got us
a frozen margarita machine,
396
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,848
or, as I like to call 'em,
Matt-aritas.
397
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,283
-(laughs)
-(chuckles)
398
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,952
I didn't want to fire this
bad boy up till you got here,
399
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,854
so get ready
for some frozen margs
400
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,690
in three, two, one...
401
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,725
four hours.
402
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,894
You know what,
I'll just have a beer.
403
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,730
Oh. Yeah, help yourself.
Should be some in the fridge.
404
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:41,368
I didn't know what kind you
like, so I got all the kinds.
405
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,471
Uh, do you have an IPA?
406
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,905
Is that a kind of beer?
407
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,340
Never mind.
408
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,608
Ah.
409
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,311
What are you doing?
410
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,013
Relaxing.
Pop those pants off.
411
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,682
No, I'm okay.
412
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,750
Come on. What's more fun
than a couple guys
413
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,319
chilling in their comfies, huh?
414
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,820
What are you afraid of?
415
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,922
I guess, that you lured
me here to assault me.
416
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,057
(laughing)
417
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:05,558
Dude.
418
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,860
Take your pants off.
419
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,497
I feel like
I should apologize.
420
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,931
You know what, man,
it's all good.
421
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,200
Let's just watch the fight.
422
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,501
-Let's do it.
-All right.
423
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,835
-Fight night!
-Yeah.
424
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,170
(bell dings on TV)
425
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,372
COMMENTATOR:
And round one begins.
426
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,441
The fighters start
to circle, and...
427
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:22,909
-(thud)
-Oh!
428
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,711
-(bell dings)
-It's over!
429
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,413
It is over, folks.
430
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,616
He is down,
and he is not getting up.
431
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,085
Well, that was... fun.
432
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,087
Yeah, awesome.
(chuckles)
433
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,455
There was a couple seconds there
434
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:36,923
where it could've
been anyone's fight, huh?
435
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:39,692
-(exhales)
-Hey, you think if I turn it off
now, they'll still
436
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,060
charge me the hundred bucks?
437
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,130
Well, as much as I'd like
to stick around for round two--
438
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,964
Tim versus the cable company--
I, uh...
439
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,566
I think I'm gonna get going.
440
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,401
-(doorbell rings)
-Ooh! Can't leave yet.
441
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,571
-Food's here.
-The foo...
442
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,043
We've all had tacos,
but I bet you've never been
443
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,446
this close to one
being made before.
444
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:03,082
Well, Colleen's Mexican,
so we make tacos all the time.
445
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:06,085
Oh...
446
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:09,389
But... this feels
like overkill, Timmy.
447
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,725
No, I did the math.
You're good for 25, 26 tacos.
448
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,762
So, at that point, it's
just cheaper to get the guy.
449
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,330
(scoffs)
450
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,799
(clears throat)
451
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,003
Are you not gonna have any?
452
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,473
I can't, 'cause of my heart.
Are they good?
453
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:30,009
Describe it to me in detail.
Start with the tortilla.
454
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,346
Man, it's getting late,
you know?
455
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,814
I think I got to head out.
456
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,450
What? Come on, we got to try
those frozen margaritas.
457
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,419
They got to be ready by now!
458
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,420
(whoops)
459
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,455
Whoa.
460
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,192
I'm gonna drink it
just like this,
461
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,461
but there's no pressure for you.
462
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:51,398
(gags)
463
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,634
(groans)
464
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,374
Hey, I'm sorry. I feel like
I kind of ruined this night.
465
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:05,111
Oh, no, man, it was...
it was good. We had fun.
466
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,713
Yeah.
467
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:09,115
Remember when I drank
that margarita?
468
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,950
(chuckles): Yeah.
That-that just happened.
469
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,385
Yeah.
470
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,153
Remember I tried to
pull your pants down?
471
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,022
Yeah. That just happened, too.
472
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,490
Ah, it was probably
a stupid idea
473
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,459
for me to try to
even have a party.
474
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,127
Oh, no, no, no.
It was good.
475
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,128
-It was good.
-Yeah?
476
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,630
-Yeah.
-So you'll stay?
477
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,698
'Cause the churro guy's gonna
be here in, like, half an hour.
478
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:28,901
Uh... (stammers)
I think I'm gonna call it.
479
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,537
Yeah, cool. Cool.
480
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,538
All right.
481
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:34,374
Hey, um...
482
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,043
So you'll always
remember tonight.
483
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,579
Hey, all right.
484
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,681
Hey, baby, it's me.
485
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,583
I'm coming home
a little bit early.
486
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,018
Uh, Tim threw
this big guys' night party
487
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,487
for the two of us.
I mean,
488
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,155
I know that he loves me, but...
489
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,023
(chuckles)
I mean, there-there was food
490
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:54,794
and booze for, like,
ten people...
491
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,035
-Hey, man.
Did you forget something?
-Yeah, man,
492
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:05,238
I realized I couldn't
leave without having one
493
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:08,074
of those margaritas in
its natural frozen state.
494
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,842
Oh, cool!
Well, I had to unplug it,
495
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,611
so it's gonna
be another four hours.
496
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,913
You invited a bunch of guys
over for a guys' night,
497
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,615
and I'm the only one
who showed up, huh?
498
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,050
No, I didn't.
499
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,253
Yeah. What gave me away?
500
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:22,188
You got three valets outside.
501
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,190
-Damn it, they're still here?
-Yeah.
502
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,893
Hey! I told you guys to go!
503
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:32,131
Everyone bailed on me to go over
to Dr. Oh's to watch the fight.
504
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,867
Joke's on them,
it only lasted 15 seconds.
505
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,569
Wait, you didn't invite Greg?
506
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,971
No, 'cause then I figured
you wouldn't come.
507
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,775
You want to take a picture,
make him jealous?
508
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,611
-Yeah, let's take
our pants off.
-(chuckles)
509
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,078
-No, I don't think so.
-All right.
510
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,947
I'll take mine off
and you kiss me.
511
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,616
(shutter clicks)
512
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,641
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
35187
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