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- [Eric] Trying to understand
what mindfulness is.
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It doesn't help with
the term, first of all.
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- [Manijeh] Usually, I don't
even use the word mindfulness,
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it's not necessary.
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Terminology reduces it.
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- [Eric] But if we go to the root word,
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it really means to remember.
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To stay mindful of something
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is to remember to stay in contact
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or being aware of something.
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(energetic music)
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I remember my brother had an
old GTO that he was rebuilding
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and it had these big, powerful oil brakes
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and he had been changing the brake fluid.
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I took it for a drive,
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he said, "Just be really mindful,
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you're gonna need a lot more time to break
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because there's not
something wrong with it.
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So pushing down of the brake
took a lot more force."
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So as I'm driving along,
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I have to be really aware of
cars and people on streets,
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street signs, stop lights.
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So what am I really doing?
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I'm holding one thing,
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I need to remember not to
forget to brake in enough time
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while managing all this other stuff.
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So mindfulness as a
meditation practice is,
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oh, your attention is
something that is absorbed
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in everything that you're doing
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if you're "paying attention."
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But you're not paying attention
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to how you're paying attention,
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you're not paying attention to your body,
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and you're not paying attention
to the thoughts that you're having,
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that really are running at high speed,
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because you haven't trained
yourself to do that.
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So mindfulness is asking you
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to remember to pay attention to yourself
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in the moments of your life
as you're doing things,
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as you're talking to people,
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as you're making a sandwich,
as you're driving your car.
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Can you be aware of this
beautiful, extraordinary,
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mysterious body and mind
as you're doing things?
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Now to do that, we have to
train informal practices
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to cultivate a part of the mind
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that could observe everything
else that's going on,
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and remember to do it.
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And that's why it's called mindfulness.
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- I grew up in a very religious home.
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We were Southern Baptist.
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And I think it's kind of funny
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because I grew up in Seattle,
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which is pretty much as
North as you can get.
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And my family found the one
Southern Baptist Church.
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But I loved it.
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I loved the ritual and the ceremony.
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I loved the feeling of connectedness
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that I experienced when I
was there, but I'm queer.
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And so when I was 14 or so
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and started to become very aware
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of the fact that I was gay,
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I knew both intuitively and also blatantly
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based off of some of the
teachings that I was hearing
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in my youth group and things like,
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that the God of my
understanding at that time
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did not have a place for me in his home.
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Thankfully, I had a fierce mother
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and a very loving family unit
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that supported me
unconditionally, and I just left.
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And it was oddly enough,
easy for me to cut ties.
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But I will say that
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there was always a space left open,
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almost like an energetic
hole that was created
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when I left that.
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- My childhood and my early
adulthood were very difficult,
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filled with adversity.
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When I was born,
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I was born with a bilateral,
it's called club feet.
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And it's a congenital foot condition
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where your feet are deformed.
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My mom saw that my feet were misshaped.
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And she told the doctor
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and the doctor's like,
"He's going to be fine."
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And at six months or whatever age it was
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for me to start wearing shoes,
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shoes weren't fitting me properly,
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and they just kept falling off of my feet.
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So my mom took me into the
doctor and they're like,
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"Well, let's correct his feet."
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And that's when I had my first
surgery at like six months.
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My earliest memories is of
these casts I had to wear,
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'cause after the surgery,
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then they cast your feet
so that they mold and form
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when they heal properly.
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The day before,
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I would have to go in
and get my foot wrapped,
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the doctor would want the
cast removed off of me
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to just let the incision breathe out,
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heal, get some air.
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So my mom told me that
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she used to have to soak me
in a tub for hours and hours
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to get the dressing off of the cast.
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And I'm just six months old,
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not knowing what's going on, crying.
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Think of how traumatic this is,
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like this is my mom, your caregiver,
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who's doing this to you.
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And yes, her intentions are well
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and to help me,
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but I didn't know that at the time.
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I had no friends.
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Another layer was that
also my home environment
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was also very stressful.
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So that was like another layer on top of
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not only dealing with that,
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but then to a certain extent,
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suffering certain verbal and
physical abuse within the home.
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So whenever I would swear,
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or sometimes when I did something
that my mom didn't like,
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I would get held down
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and I would get my mouth
washed out with soap.
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And as a small kid, having
your parent, your guardian,
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your protector physically hold you down
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and shove something into
your mouth is very traumatic.
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I guess, I started to cope through food.
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It was the only way I knew how.
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I didn't have any coping
skills at the time.
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And eventually, I grew up as a fat kid.
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And then once I did start going to school,
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then I started to get bullied
because of the way I walked.
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And then I had to wear special
shoes because of my feet.
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I also had large male breasts.
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It's a certain medical
condition called gynaecomastia.
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So the trauma just continued
outside of the home.
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For me, there was so much fear
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that I would just hold
my head down and just,
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I was crying on the inside,
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but I wouldn't show it to the bullies,
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but on the inside I was crying,
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but I didn't wanna show that.
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And I would just put my head down
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and walk fast past them.
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I would just come home
and just shove my face
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and just completely numb myself.
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I would eat to the point
of just getting sleepy.
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And then I would just play video games,
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and it's still is tough.
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I'm very cautious around groups of people,
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because I don't know
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or I have this history of
childhood experience of trauma
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of people bullying me, picking on me.
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So I have this view that
the world's a scary place.
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And that's like my natural orientation.
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Mindfulness has really helped me
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overcome many of those issues.
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I wouldn't say cure myself,
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because they're still there,
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as far as some of the
symptoms I experience,
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but I would say that mindfulness
has helped me more healed
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from the past trauma.
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- I had a really interesting introduction,
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and it actually says a lot about
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what the viewer or the
practitioner might consider
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when thinking about,
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this is such a great practice,
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I want to share it with other people.
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So some of the people in my mom's sphere
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were really extraordinary people,
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in that whenever they talked
to me or I'd visit them,
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I felt like I was the most
important person in the world.
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They're focused on me and their
interest in me was palpable.
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And because my mom was
struggling with trauma,
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my father was busy working,
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and my brother was eight
years older than me,
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so he really was more
like a cousin in some ways
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because he was off to the races early.
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Having that kind of attention
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from somebody was really
profoundly nurturing.
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And later on, I found out
these were meditation teachers,
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and they never told me they
were meditation teachers.
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They never said,
"Brian, you should really read this book,
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or you should try this
meditation practice."
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They never said anything.
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What they did was they embodied curiosity,
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they embodied radical compassion,
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they embodied kindness and gentleness,
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all human beings crave that.
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So I was craving it.
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And when I found out who they were,
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it was right about when
I was 25 years old,
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I had gone through my own
dating odysseys and dramas,
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and I found this amazing
girl I was dating.
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And I told her that all
these family friends
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were meditation teachers,
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that have I been wanting to
do meditation for a long time
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but I didn't know how to start.
197
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And she said, "Well,
you have to do it now,
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this is your time."
199
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And so I began formal
practice right around,
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just before I turned 26,
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that was 27 years ago.
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- I met a man who taught
mindfulness, who was a teacher,
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but I didn't know he was
a teacher when I met him.
204
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:04,904
So we were dating and he
was teaching meditation.
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So just to be with him,
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I would go sit in the meditation classes,
207
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:13,874
and I loved what he had to say,
208
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but the meditation was so hard, oh my God.
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I tell my students so they know
that if it's hard for them,
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yes, it was so difficult,
211
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:32,760
that the entire time, whatever
time we sat to meditate,
212
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I was thinking never
able to feel my breath.
213
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Maybe in an hour, I was
feeling my breath one time.
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- The pain is actually what
brought me to mindfulness.
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I was going to therapy at
Kaiser, and therapy was helping.
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It was bringing a lot of
understanding to my past,
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00:10:56,860 --> 00:11:00,532
but it wasn't bringing much relief to it.
218
00:11:00,598 --> 00:11:02,984
I still had the symptoms.
219
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I was aware of my symptoms,
220
00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:06,644
but I didn't know how to manage them.
221
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So then finally, they suggested,
222
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"Well, why don't you try mindfulness?"
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And I thought,
224
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"Well, me meditate with my
busy, crazy mind, no way."
225
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But I went to a class
226
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and I discovered that it
was nothing what I thought,
227
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that it's not so much
of emptying your mind,
228
00:11:26,622 --> 00:11:31,622
more it's just noticing
what your mind is stuck on,
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where your mind is at.
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Is it on a thought, what
type of thought is it?
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Is it a negative thought?
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Is it a pleasant thought?
233
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What is that thought doing to your body?
234
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What kind of reactions are going on?
235
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,084
Is it causing your heart to race?
236
00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:54,828
So that gave me something to
do, like to pay attention to
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while I was meditating,
238
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it gave me stuff to focus on.
239
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And once I started to
practice mindfulness,
240
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:07,174
I started to be able to learn
how to create some distance
241
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,794
between my mind and my thoughts.
242
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- For a long time I thought
maybe I'm not smart enough,
243
00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:15,204
maybe I'm not educated enough.
244
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I just knew that I really
wanted to explore meditation.
245
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I had gone through this process
246
00:12:20,810 --> 00:12:22,584
where I had just ended
247
00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:26,064
a stint of being on
television for three years.
248
00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:28,934
And I made this business investment
249
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that went south very
quickly, I lost all my money,
250
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:33,510
and I was like,
251
00:12:33,576 --> 00:12:36,464
"I got to try a new path here."
252
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:38,624
I was recently sober,
253
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:41,972
and I just intuitively
knew that meditation
254
00:12:42,038 --> 00:12:44,964
was something that was
going to really serve me.
255
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,924
So I started volunteering
at a Buddhist bookstore.
256
00:12:47,990 --> 00:12:51,024
I started taking every opportunity I could
257
00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:54,104
to learn how to meditate to quiet my mind,
258
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,934
learn the practices, learn the discipline.
259
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,264
And out of that arose
a desire to give back,
260
00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,544
not only give back to society,
261
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,894
but to give back to my specific community,
262
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,924
the LGBTQ community.
263
00:13:06,990 --> 00:13:09,134
So I came up with an idea
264
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,974
to start hosting spiritual services,
265
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,764
spiritual events in gay bars.
266
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:14,914
And that's what I did.
267
00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:19,284
And so in 2010, I got
the keys to a gay bar,
268
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:22,484
they weren't charging me rent
or anything, Sunday mornings,
269
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:25,462
and my mentor and I started
doing these services
270
00:13:25,528 --> 00:13:27,504
in gay bars in West Hollywood.
271
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,384
And it just grew and grew and it grew.
272
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:33,294
And 10 years later, I am
now a licensed minister.
273
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,994
I've offered hundreds and hundreds
274
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:38,504
and hundreds of teaching
on spiritual living.
275
00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:43,504
I lead meditation retreats,
and it was all an accident,
276
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:44,964
this wasn't the plan,
277
00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:46,924
it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing.
278
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:51,369
However, as my career in
television continued to grow,
279
00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:54,424
my discomfort dissatisfied.
280
00:13:54,490 --> 00:13:56,374
I was just so bored doing it.
281
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,724
And I felt such vibrancy.
282
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:02,714
I felt so alive when I
was teaching this work
283
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:05,524
and dedicating myself deeper and deeper
284
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:10,154
to my own spiritual practice
that I knew this was it.
285
00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:13,854
- I did not know what
mindfulness was at all.
286
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,594
I even asked the psychiatrist,
"What is mindfulness?"
287
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:19,124
And she said, "Well,
it's a meditation class."
288
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,561
And that's when I thought to myself,
289
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:25,170
"Me meditate, yeah, right,
calm my mind, empty it."
290
00:14:25,236 --> 00:14:28,754
But I was desperate, and I
thought I'd give it a shot.
291
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,294
What I learned was that
292
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,624
it's not about emptying your mind at all,
293
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:36,672
instead, it's just noticing
where your mind is,
294
00:14:36,738 --> 00:14:41,014
what it's focusing on,
what its habits are.
295
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,926
And when I understood that,
296
00:14:42,992 --> 00:14:47,992
that gave me things to do as
I was practicing mindfulness.
297
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,054
Now there are times where,
298
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,844
as I'm practicing mindfulness,
299
00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:56,094
my mind completely goes silent.
300
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,954
And that's wonderful when that happens.
301
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,645
And I enjoy those times.
302
00:14:59,711 --> 00:15:03,954
But in the beginning, I
primarily use mindfulness
303
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:07,774
just as a way of escaping my busy head,
304
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,244
they're called ANTs,
305
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,984
it's called automatic negative thinking.
306
00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:15,254
And these are just our automatic
thoughts that automate.
307
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,194
We have a negativity bias.
308
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:19,664
What the bias is, is that
at the end of the day,
309
00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:22,209
we tend to think about all
the things that go wrong,
310
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,564
or if we're involved in a project,
311
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,944
or if we have a job interview,
312
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,647
even if we receive a 95%,
313
00:15:29,713 --> 00:15:33,694
we focus on that 5% that we didn't get.
314
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,760
Mindfulness helped me
identify my negativity bias.
315
00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:41,333
And once I became aware of it,
316
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:45,411
I was able to start questioning it
317
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:50,254
and questioning the validity
of it and how accurate it is.
318
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,014
- The people I started studying with
319
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,564
were people who were practicing
320
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,254
something called the Fourth Way,
321
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,794
which is not derived from
Buddhism as mindfulness is,
322
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:03,174
it's an embodied practice
of awareness attention
323
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,564
and self-discovery,
324
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:08,784
that has its origins in
the Transcaucasus region
325
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,744
and the areas around India,
326
00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:13,234
it was brought to the West
by a man named Gurdjieff.
327
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,348
At that time,
328
00:16:14,414 --> 00:16:17,174
mindfulness was not something
that I was aware of.
329
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,914
There was something
called mindfulness-based
330
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:21,874
stress reduction that was
being studied in universities
331
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:22,952
and hospital settings,
332
00:16:23,018 --> 00:16:25,674
dealing with chronic
pain and chronic stress,
333
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,169
but it really hadn't reached anything
334
00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:30,834
in terms of the common knowledge.
335
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,374
There was lots of Buddhism was around,
336
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,224
there was lots of meditation Taoism,
337
00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,434
other kinds of practices,
338
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,414
but mindfulness as we understand it now
339
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,834
as a secular practice
340
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:42,484
extracted from Buddhist
training was not around at all.
341
00:16:42,550 --> 00:16:43,843
One of the things that was remarkable
342
00:16:43,909 --> 00:16:46,504
was that all these people
343
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,989
who invited me to practice with them
344
00:16:48,055 --> 00:16:52,384
had waited for me to be
hungry and seek something,
345
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:54,354
rather than just see that I was struggling
346
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:56,484
with something and
suggest here's a solution.
347
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,192
So they had this interesting wisdom about,
348
00:16:58,258 --> 00:17:02,024
when you really are ready
for something, you seek it,
349
00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:05,144
and you're more willing
to take on the challenge.
350
00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:08,284
- Mindfulness is a contemplative practice.
351
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:12,114
Contemplative practices have
existed cross-culturally
352
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:13,874
for thousands of years.
353
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:16,604
Mindfulness is from Eastern.
354
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:21,670
What it means is Vipassana
or insight meditation.
355
00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:24,295
The reason why it's
gaining so much momentum
356
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:29,084
is now science is starting to
validate that it's beneficial.
357
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:33,361
There is a, his name is Dr.Jon Kabat-Zinn,
358
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:36,004
he is a psychologist.
359
00:17:36,070 --> 00:17:39,844
He broke down mindfulness
into an eight-week program,
360
00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:41,484
because what we first need to do
361
00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:44,614
is we need to break down
things into numbers.
362
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,334
We need to have a program,
363
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,266
we need to see how long the program is,
364
00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:50,805
and then we need to
measure people's results
365
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:53,964
before and after they've
received the program.
366
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,574
So his program was working.
367
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,675
He noticed that people
dealing with chronic pain
368
00:17:58,741 --> 00:18:01,675
weren't really benefiting much,
369
00:18:01,741 --> 00:18:05,393
that pain medication had its limitations,
370
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:10,017
that medicine has its limitations.
371
00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:13,744
And once we hit those
limitations, then what do we do,
372
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:15,593
'cause the person is still in pain.
373
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:21,447
So he found tremendous benefits
in Buddhist philosophy.
374
00:18:21,513 --> 00:18:24,324
So what he did was he stripped the,
375
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:27,129
like the religious aspects out of it,
376
00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:30,572
and he came up with just
practical techniques
377
00:18:30,638 --> 00:18:34,124
as far as noticing
thoughts, noticing emotions.
378
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,054
And he came up with the program.
379
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,924
And what this program did was it allowed
380
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:41,524
for people to measure the
effectiveness of mindfulness.
381
00:18:41,590 --> 00:18:46,590
He found that people
reported not only less pain,
382
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:51,113
but also that people reported
better qualities of life.
383
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,033
- No, I didn't.
384
00:18:54,010 --> 00:18:58,634
That's why I have a lot of
compassion for my students.
385
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:02,334
I stuck with it because of my boyfriend,
386
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,354
who was a teacher, and because
of the teaching service,
387
00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:11,420
the teachings were so high-level,
so kind and so logical.
388
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,328
I didn't have to believe in something,
389
00:19:16,394 --> 00:19:19,624
I could verify for myself,
390
00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:21,804
there was no judgment in it.
391
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,704
So that's what kept me actually,
392
00:19:24,770 --> 00:19:27,754
not the practice of meditation.
393
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:32,024
When we talk about mindfulness meditation,
394
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:34,494
which kind of distinguishes it
395
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,094
from other types of meditation,
396
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,274
there are literally hundreds
of types of meditation
397
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,324
that come from different traditions,
398
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:44,994
religions, or philosophies or systems,
399
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:49,083
and each one have their
own structure and outcome.
400
00:19:50,412 --> 00:19:54,204
Meditation is a specific
type of meditation,
401
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:57,994
but mindfulness, as a space of mind
402
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,718
is not particular to anybody.
403
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:04,544
For example, let's say you went somewhere
404
00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:08,314
and had a meal and this
was a brand new dish,
405
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:11,144
you never had experienced it before.
406
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,411
So you become more in tune like,
407
00:20:13,477 --> 00:20:15,684
"Let me see, wow."
408
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:20,124
You take your bite and you
really about this thing.
409
00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:22,181
And before your mind comes and says,
410
00:20:22,247 --> 00:20:24,804
"Oh yeah, it tastes like this
and it tastes like that,"
411
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:27,674
you have a moment of no opinion,
412
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:31,754
just experiencing and watching, "Wow."
413
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,513
Just like I told my,
414
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:39,214
I teach ADD mindfulness
for people with ADHD.
415
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,821
And so I told them that,
416
00:20:40,887 --> 00:20:44,316
"Okay, it's like we have these templates
417
00:20:44,382 --> 00:20:47,364
of the ways we think.
418
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:50,844
When you are in that space of mindfulness,
419
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,694
you are detached from that template."
420
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:54,994
- I would say that mindfulness
421
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:57,214
addresses the human condition.
422
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,644
There are many wisdom
traditions, religious traditions,
423
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,024
philosophical traditions
424
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:04,640
that recognize and question
the nature of the mind.
425
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,524
It just so happens
426
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:11,504
that Buddhist cultures
committed themselves culturally
427
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:16,074
to a systematic description
of what ails the mind
428
00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:19,294
in a systematic practice
to rebalance the mind.
429
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,430
But really, they're not
inventing anything new.
430
00:21:21,496 --> 00:21:23,624
The reason why it affects everybody
431
00:21:23,690 --> 00:21:25,489
is because everyone has a body,
432
00:21:25,555 --> 00:21:28,838
everyone feels pleasure and discomfort,
433
00:21:28,904 --> 00:21:31,034
wellness and disease,
434
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:33,624
everyone has a mind that can remember
435
00:21:33,690 --> 00:21:35,464
or imagine that the future,
436
00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:37,324
and everyone wants to feel connected
437
00:21:37,390 --> 00:21:38,594
and want to have a sense of purpose,
438
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:40,174
and wants to have some sense of agency
439
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,461
over what happens to them.
440
00:21:41,527 --> 00:21:44,127
And mindfulness addresses
all those things directly.
441
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,814
- I think mindfulness
is bigger than insight.
442
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,164
Insight arises within mindfulness.
443
00:21:52,230 --> 00:21:55,205
The mindfulness space
has to be there first
444
00:21:55,271 --> 00:21:59,294
for the real reliable insight,
445
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,224
'cause sometimes you could
be thinking that is insight,
446
00:22:02,290 --> 00:22:03,057
and it's really not,
447
00:22:03,123 --> 00:22:08,020
for a reliable aha moment
or realization to happen.
448
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:13,482
- I became so fascinated by my thoughts,
449
00:22:13,548 --> 00:22:17,134
more so, how my thoughts were dictating
450
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,094
the world I was experiencing.
451
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,524
And I think that's when you really know
452
00:22:22,590 --> 00:22:24,094
you've tapped into your passion
453
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,614
when it's all you want to talk about.
454
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,324
And I would just go through
books after books, after books,
455
00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:33,044
I was like, I would say I
was like a mad scientist,
456
00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:36,304
just tearing through documents
and doing different practices
457
00:22:36,370 --> 00:22:38,084
and trying everything,
458
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:39,894
all to just become more aware
459
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,444
of the thoughts I was thinking,
460
00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:44,104
the patterns that were active in my life,
461
00:22:44,170 --> 00:22:48,664
the belief systems that were
both conscious and unconscious
462
00:22:48,730 --> 00:22:51,024
that were creating the
patterns in my life,
463
00:22:51,090 --> 00:22:55,034
the experiences that I kept
having over and over again.
464
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:57,915
I think the first step in transformation
465
00:22:57,981 --> 00:23:00,424
is the awareness that you're no longer
466
00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:03,384
interested in experiencing
what you're experiencing.
467
00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:05,404
There's real beauty in contrast.
468
00:23:05,470 --> 00:23:08,664
So you become aware that,
"I don't like this anymore.
469
00:23:08,730 --> 00:23:11,214
There's gotta be a different way."
470
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,514
And in your willingness
to try a new approach,
471
00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:15,554
I truly believe the path is shown.
472
00:23:15,620 --> 00:23:18,534
So the second step in
transformation is willingness.
473
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,644
I am willing to try a new
approach, and in that,
474
00:23:22,710 --> 00:23:24,964
something opens up in your consciousness,
475
00:23:25,030 --> 00:23:27,754
a door opens or at least cracked open.
476
00:23:27,820 --> 00:23:29,944
And the next step is always shown
477
00:23:30,010 --> 00:23:31,164
and the next step is always shown.
478
00:23:31,230 --> 00:23:34,744
Now, our job is to continue
to cultivate the willingness,
479
00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:35,804
to take the next step,
480
00:23:35,870 --> 00:23:37,894
the courage to take the next step,
481
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,144
the willingness to get
out of our comfort zone,
482
00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:45,194
the willingness to explore
and look at the beliefs,
483
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:46,834
both known and unknown,
484
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:50,274
that are creating your
experience in the world.
485
00:23:50,340 --> 00:23:53,044
I think right now,
486
00:23:53,110 --> 00:23:55,634
socially is a gorgeous time for everybody
487
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,654
to look at the subconscious programming
488
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,294
that has created your belief systems
489
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,144
and how you move in the culture.
490
00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:08,464
I am someone who remains willing.
491
00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:12,784
And in fact, I love looking at the blocks
492
00:24:12,850 --> 00:24:15,387
that I don't even realize are there
493
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:18,474
until they're pointed out to me,
494
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:21,064
and often times pointed out
to me through meditation,
495
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:22,600
and sometimes pointed out to me
496
00:24:22,666 --> 00:24:26,042
in something that feels
like big slap in the face.
497
00:24:26,108 --> 00:24:28,654
And I think right now, culturally,
498
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,944
is an opportunity for us all
to hold ourselves accountable
499
00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:36,773
so that a greater sense of
unity can express itself.
500
00:24:37,620 --> 00:24:38,474
And if you're not willing
501
00:24:38,540 --> 00:24:41,667
to look at your own limited beliefs,
502
00:24:41,733 --> 00:24:43,244
then what are you even doing?
503
00:24:43,310 --> 00:24:44,194
- The beauty of it was that
504
00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:49,260
there is surrounding teachings
about kindness, compassion,
505
00:24:49,456 --> 00:24:54,456
and little by little,
that would impact me.
506
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,914
Now, there is a meditation
called loving-kindness meditation
507
00:25:00,980 --> 00:25:04,796
that is also very paralleled
with mindfulness meditation.
508
00:25:04,862 --> 00:25:08,204
I would not give into it,
509
00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:12,954
because I believe that, "Oh
my God, I'm kind enough.
510
00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:15,204
I cannot be any more kind,
511
00:25:15,270 --> 00:25:16,664
I cannot give anymore."
512
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:20,833
I felt like kindness was
what I knew before this.
513
00:25:20,899 --> 00:25:24,814
So I would resist, "Oh,
it's for these other people,
514
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,044
it's not for me."
515
00:25:26,110 --> 00:25:29,104
And then one day I came to sit,
516
00:25:29,170 --> 00:25:32,204
I decided I'm gonna go sit and meditate.
517
00:25:32,270 --> 00:25:36,121
When I sat to meditate, my mind said,
518
00:25:36,187 --> 00:25:41,187
"Hmm, I'm gonna send
loving-kindness to all the people"
519
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:46,744
"who have harmed me on my
life just organically."
520
00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:51,304
So I sat there, we had a Sheetz dog, Oreo.
521
00:25:51,370 --> 00:25:53,714
He sat with me meditating.
522
00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:58,144
I close my eyes and I
had like three phrases,
523
00:25:58,210 --> 00:25:59,174
may you be safe,
524
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,804
may you be healthy and strong,
525
00:26:00,870 --> 00:26:04,047
may you be at ease, free from suffering.
526
00:26:04,113 --> 00:26:08,204
I couldn't finish saying
527
00:26:08,270 --> 00:26:11,784
one series of these phrases for somebody
528
00:26:11,850 --> 00:26:13,544
who came fast enough
529
00:26:13,610 --> 00:26:16,054
until somebody else come to my mind.
530
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:17,234
Oh my goodness.
531
00:26:17,300 --> 00:26:21,224
And at the time I had divorced
from my ex-husband too,
532
00:26:21,290 --> 00:26:24,754
so he would come in-between.
533
00:26:24,820 --> 00:26:27,014
So he got most of it really.
534
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,214
It was incredible.
535
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,604
It took about 40 minutes.
536
00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:32,291
I just sat there.
537
00:26:32,357 --> 00:26:34,241
And these people came to my mind,
538
00:26:34,307 --> 00:26:39,236
and I remembered why I didn't like them
539
00:26:39,302 --> 00:26:42,184
or what they did to me or something.
540
00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:46,964
And I would send these
kind thoughts to them,
541
00:26:47,030 --> 00:26:49,704
and my stomach would
be like yucky feeling.
542
00:26:49,770 --> 00:26:52,454
It was just like remembering all that.
543
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,520
And so I took a deep breath
and organically it stopped.
544
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,004
I got up, I said, "Okay, let's go, Oreo."
545
00:27:00,070 --> 00:27:02,574
I got up and went and washed my hands,
546
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,344
and went on with my day.
547
00:27:05,410 --> 00:27:06,994
And next day,
548
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:11,189
I went for a hike with my
friend who is a therapist.
549
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:13,444
We both went through schooling.
550
00:27:13,510 --> 00:27:17,074
I went to the routes of
organization development,
551
00:27:17,140 --> 00:27:18,554
she went and became a therapist.
552
00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:20,194
So we were hiking,
553
00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:22,934
and I told her about this
experience, I said...
554
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,611
We were talking about my
ex-husband, off course,
555
00:27:25,677 --> 00:27:28,234
"Oh yeah, can imagine he came
556
00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:29,604
and we've seen all these people,
557
00:27:29,670 --> 00:27:30,894
and this is what's happened."
558
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,144
"So she said, 'What happened?"
559
00:27:32,210 --> 00:27:33,534
"So I told her,"
560
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:34,874
Oh, I went and washed my...
561
00:27:34,940 --> 00:27:39,044
She said, 'What, wait, you
went and washed your hand?
562
00:27:39,110 --> 00:27:42,500
"Do you always wash your
hands after meditation?"
563
00:27:42,566 --> 00:27:44,137
I said, "No."
564
00:27:45,357 --> 00:27:49,294
"Huh, oh my God."
565
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:52,094
She smiled so beautifully.
566
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,133
She said, "It's like symbolically
you washed your hands,
567
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,234
off these people, it's done."
568
00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:05,300
It was just that realization.
569
00:28:05,940 --> 00:28:08,574
It probably would have worked the same,
570
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,251
but that realization helps me feel like,
571
00:28:11,317 --> 00:28:16,317
"Oh my God, yeah, it's done."
572
00:28:16,762 --> 00:28:19,764
Just that experience alone,
573
00:28:19,830 --> 00:28:24,830
I believe sets me on a journey of healing
574
00:28:25,810 --> 00:28:29,523
that was so fundamentally powerful.
575
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,588
- Moments of mindfulness often
bring powerful discoveries,
576
00:28:34,654 --> 00:28:37,624
and some of them are not flattering.
577
00:28:37,690 --> 00:28:39,864
I remember I was on a retreat
once in upstate New York,
578
00:28:39,930 --> 00:28:42,474
it was right after 9/11,
I think it was 2002.
579
00:28:42,540 --> 00:28:45,374
This retreat involved a
lot of working meditation.
580
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,084
So there were sitting meditation
and moving meditation,
581
00:28:48,150 --> 00:28:49,464
but also working meditation.
582
00:28:49,530 --> 00:28:52,185
So we were assigned to different teams
583
00:28:52,251 --> 00:28:53,954
to do different kinds of work.
584
00:28:54,020 --> 00:28:56,004
Some people were cooking,
some people are cleaning,
585
00:28:56,070 --> 00:28:57,544
some people doing landscaping.
586
00:28:57,610 --> 00:29:00,311
I happened to be assigned
to a small building
587
00:29:00,377 --> 00:29:02,204
in this very rural area
588
00:29:02,270 --> 00:29:05,694
that we had to take off
all the roofing tiles.
589
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,871
And so the idea here in the practice is,
590
00:29:07,937 --> 00:29:11,284
"How do I stay mindful
as I'm climbing a ladder
591
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:14,284
and bringing up tools and
working with a team of people,
592
00:29:14,350 --> 00:29:17,144
and staying safe and not
falling, and doing the job well,
593
00:29:17,210 --> 00:29:18,874
and it's in the hot side of summer?"
594
00:29:18,940 --> 00:29:20,184
This is one of those things
595
00:29:20,250 --> 00:29:23,254
where you're humbled by the practice.
596
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,454
It was after 9/11, there
was a lot of tension,
597
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,014
a lot of anxiety, a lot of distrust,
598
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,214
a lot of tribalism going on.
599
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:31,774
And one of my colleagues
600
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,514
who I'd never met on this
roof, this particular moment
601
00:29:35,580 --> 00:29:37,994
was a young man from Pakistan.
602
00:29:38,060 --> 00:29:40,732
It was a hot, hot day and we
were pulling off roof tiles,
603
00:29:40,798 --> 00:29:41,724
and the idea is that
604
00:29:41,790 --> 00:29:42,864
we're supposed to stay
aware of each other,
605
00:29:42,930 --> 00:29:44,734
but we're not supposed to have anything
606
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:45,644
but the functional speech.
607
00:29:45,710 --> 00:29:47,504
So we're not gonna talk about the Dodgers.
608
00:29:47,570 --> 00:29:48,481
We're going to just talk about,
609
00:29:48,547 --> 00:29:50,694
"Oh, what kind of tools
do we need for this job,"
610
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:51,724
and then it's silence.
611
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,554
And then you focus on being
aware of the technique,
612
00:29:54,620 --> 00:29:56,072
yourself and the other person.
613
00:29:56,138 --> 00:29:59,234
And I became aware that I forgot my water,
614
00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:00,563
and it was really hot.
615
00:30:01,688 --> 00:30:04,574
What I noticed as I saw
his bottle of water,
616
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,674
and I had a whole association,
617
00:30:06,740 --> 00:30:10,684
my mind just went on a story
about who this guy was.
618
00:30:10,750 --> 00:30:12,924
And I could see that
he was colored by 9/11,
619
00:30:12,990 --> 00:30:14,424
because he was from Pakistan.
620
00:30:14,490 --> 00:30:17,098
I saw this kind of prejudicial thinking
621
00:30:17,164 --> 00:30:20,054
that projected identity onto him.
622
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,896
And just as I was thinking that,
623
00:30:21,962 --> 00:30:23,784
he turned and grabbed the bottle of water,
624
00:30:23,850 --> 00:30:24,924
and when he was about
to raise it to his face,
625
00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:25,951
he looked at me, he said,
626
00:30:26,017 --> 00:30:29,024
"You look so thirsty, you have to drink."
627
00:30:29,090 --> 00:30:34,090
And he pierced the
bubble of that projection
628
00:30:34,230 --> 00:30:36,364
of his identity in that moment.
629
00:30:36,430 --> 00:30:38,464
And I was just shocked.
630
00:30:38,530 --> 00:30:40,894
I was shocked at the, first of all,
631
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,464
I had to react to him,
632
00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:44,434
and I took it and drank some cold water,
633
00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:46,254
and was so grateful and thanked him.
634
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,460
But also, I had this digestion of,
635
00:30:49,526 --> 00:30:50,954
"Oh, that's how prejudice starts,
636
00:30:51,020 --> 00:30:53,744
is these projections of belief on someone
637
00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:55,936
based on tiny bits of information
638
00:30:56,002 --> 00:30:58,536
and conditioned experience."
639
00:30:58,602 --> 00:31:00,744
And that this practice allowed my heart
640
00:31:00,810 --> 00:31:01,816
to open to him immediately,
641
00:31:01,882 --> 00:31:03,864
and seeing my own sleep around that,
642
00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:07,084
my own dreamlike state of
643
00:31:07,150 --> 00:31:09,548
not knowing who the person
is and thinking you do.
644
00:31:09,614 --> 00:31:12,125
So that was a profound experience.
645
00:31:12,191 --> 00:31:14,864
It became part of a
practice of just noticing.
646
00:31:14,930 --> 00:31:18,474
I would see myself at a
cafe or at a Starbucks,
647
00:31:18,540 --> 00:31:19,794
and just practice noticing,
648
00:31:19,860 --> 00:31:21,871
watching my own mind as
I'm drinking my coffee
649
00:31:21,937 --> 00:31:24,592
with the newspaper to kind
of make it less weird.
650
00:31:24,658 --> 00:31:26,294
And I would just look at people's faces
651
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,934
and just notice how my brain
sizes them up as my tribe,
652
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,024
not my tribe.
653
00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:33,974
And it's an automatic
function of the brain.
654
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:38,144
That part of the brain is not my fault.
655
00:31:38,210 --> 00:31:41,661
It forms from the evolutionary,
a natural selection pressure
656
00:31:41,727 --> 00:31:44,904
because it served a
purpose back in the days
657
00:31:44,970 --> 00:31:48,424
when there was more
tribal fighting happening.
658
00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:49,684
But it's my responsibility
659
00:31:49,750 --> 00:31:54,195
not to let that automatic
functioning be the end game,
660
00:31:54,261 --> 00:31:56,334
I have to take responsibility
for that functioning.
661
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,883
And so I practiced with that all the time.
662
00:32:00,410 --> 00:32:02,903
- I lost my son three years ago.
663
00:32:03,786 --> 00:32:08,786
An incredible, incredible,
incredible tough pain,
664
00:32:12,290 --> 00:32:14,624
that every time
665
00:32:14,690 --> 00:32:18,541
that I got hit with the tsunamis of grief,
666
00:32:18,607 --> 00:32:20,701
the first thing in my mind was,
667
00:32:20,767 --> 00:32:23,604
"May no being ever experience this."
668
00:32:23,670 --> 00:32:26,693
Because the extent of pain.
669
00:32:28,050 --> 00:32:30,854
For the first 35 days,
670
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:35,413
I fainted every day, because
my brain couldn't handle it.
671
00:32:35,479 --> 00:32:37,634
With my practice, with awareness,
672
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:39,754
with compassion, with all that,
673
00:32:39,820 --> 00:32:43,834
more and more and more,
when an emotion comes up,
674
00:32:43,900 --> 00:32:45,694
that is grief,
675
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:50,760
that it comes up because my
eye caught a picture of him
676
00:32:51,150 --> 00:32:53,594
or a thought came about him,
677
00:32:53,660 --> 00:32:55,864
and that he's no longer here,
678
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:59,427
the brain produces the emotion of grief
679
00:32:59,493 --> 00:33:03,444
to respond to that stimuli,
680
00:33:03,510 --> 00:33:06,134
'cause the brain is predicting constantly
681
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,014
what do I need to do,
682
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,004
what do I need to do?
What's next, what's next?
683
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:11,484
And it's 10 steps ahead of us too.
684
00:33:11,550 --> 00:33:14,731
But with my awareness, I can notice,
685
00:33:14,797 --> 00:33:17,370
"Oh this emotion is present.
686
00:33:17,436 --> 00:33:20,034
Is it necessary?
687
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:21,542
Is it useful?
688
00:33:21,608 --> 00:33:24,354
Is it conducive to my happiness?"
689
00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:29,284
No, I don't have to
entertain that emotion.
690
00:33:29,350 --> 00:33:32,094
Knowledge, practice, understanding,
691
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,740
experience and capability,
692
00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:40,806
that I'm not stuck with
millions of mothers,
693
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,854
like millions of others around the world
694
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:47,503
for 20 years or 30 years for
the rest of my life being done.
695
00:33:48,983 --> 00:33:51,614
When a child dies, a mother or father,
696
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,103
most often they're done,
697
00:33:54,940 --> 00:33:56,664
they're stuck in that emotion,
698
00:33:56,730 --> 00:33:59,924
because the brain produces that emotion
699
00:33:59,990 --> 00:34:02,124
and the person doesn't
know what to do with it,
700
00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:04,034
believes it and goes with it.
701
00:34:04,100 --> 00:34:08,824
But now I can say, no, it
doesn't mean I love my dear,
702
00:34:08,890 --> 00:34:13,890
oh my goodness, my dear son
less, but why should I suffer?
703
00:34:16,550 --> 00:34:20,134
It's not necessary to
suffer to prove love.
704
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:20,967
- And when we hear this
705
00:34:21,033 --> 00:34:25,104
from our Eastern wisdom traditions,
706
00:34:25,170 --> 00:34:27,484
that my enemy is my friend,
707
00:34:27,550 --> 00:34:30,204
or that adversity is my opportunity,
708
00:34:30,270 --> 00:34:31,374
and we just don't want that,
709
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:32,207
especially in the West,
710
00:34:32,273 --> 00:34:34,084
we want something that's
gonna be quick and easy,
711
00:34:34,150 --> 00:34:36,274
efficient and get me to
the place I wanna go.
712
00:34:36,340 --> 00:34:39,171
And I don't wanna deal with
all that disturbing crap.
713
00:34:39,237 --> 00:34:44,237
But actually, it's during
crises, during difficult moments
714
00:34:44,528 --> 00:34:48,704
that the software that's running my life,
715
00:34:48,770 --> 00:34:51,834
that I didn't design becomes visible,
716
00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:53,204
because it's not functioning that well,
717
00:34:53,270 --> 00:34:55,364
there's some dissonance,
there's some suffering,
718
00:34:55,430 --> 00:34:57,311
and that's my opportunity
to see the functioning
719
00:34:57,377 --> 00:35:00,894
and to decide, how can I notice that,
720
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,104
and not fully believe it all the time,
721
00:35:03,170 --> 00:35:07,054
so that I can begin to participate
in evolving my own mind.
722
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,014
I was at a meditation retreat practice,
723
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,644
where I was part of the serving team.
724
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:13,875
At the end of the retreat,
there was a dinner,
725
00:35:13,941 --> 00:35:16,264
and I was part of serving
the meal and cleaning up.
726
00:35:16,330 --> 00:35:17,584
And at the very end of the night,
727
00:35:17,650 --> 00:35:20,254
people did a meditation, so it was quiet,
728
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,574
the dining halls cleaned
up, everything's put away.
729
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,174
And after the meditation was over,
730
00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:26,354
and people were hugging
731
00:35:26,420 --> 00:35:28,854
and kind of talking
about their experience.
732
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:29,687
I was part of a team,
733
00:35:29,753 --> 00:35:32,814
but what I noticed as I
sat there in my chairs,
734
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,425
no one came to me,
735
00:35:34,491 --> 00:35:35,364
and all of a sudden
736
00:35:35,430 --> 00:35:39,034
I became profoundly
aware of this narrative
737
00:35:39,100 --> 00:35:41,987
that I have had all my
life, that I'm alone,
738
00:35:42,053 --> 00:35:45,904
and that I'm not really part
of other people's groups.
739
00:35:45,970 --> 00:35:47,454
I had that ever since I was a kid.
740
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,114
I had to work hard to let go of it.
741
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:50,502
But at this particular juncture,
742
00:35:50,568 --> 00:35:52,672
fairly young in my practice,
743
00:35:52,738 --> 00:35:56,644
it was really painful to sit
there and not be included.
744
00:35:56,710 --> 00:35:58,104
And it's a classic thing.
745
00:35:58,170 --> 00:35:59,276
Now, as a psychotherapist,
746
00:35:59,342 --> 00:36:01,924
I know that people who have social anxiety
747
00:36:01,990 --> 00:36:04,304
and who tend to feel lonely,
748
00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:05,234
they're also reticent
749
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:07,214
to make the step that
could solve that problem
750
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:08,644
by just getting up
751
00:36:08,710 --> 00:36:09,811
and patting someone on
the back and saying,
752
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,004
"Hey, that was amazing experience.
753
00:36:11,070 --> 00:36:12,314
How was your experience?"
754
00:36:12,380 --> 00:36:16,524
Terrified to do that because
the belief is, no one wants me,
755
00:36:16,590 --> 00:36:18,044
that's why they're not coming to me.
756
00:36:18,110 --> 00:36:20,060
Why would they want me to go to them?
757
00:36:20,126 --> 00:36:21,534
So I remember though,
758
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,804
some instructions from one of my teachers,
759
00:36:23,870 --> 00:36:25,104
that when we're feeling
760
00:36:25,170 --> 00:36:27,764
this extraordinarily effective suffering,
761
00:36:27,830 --> 00:36:29,394
so my body is tight,
762
00:36:29,460 --> 00:36:32,604
and it feels flooded with cortisol
763
00:36:32,670 --> 00:36:34,584
and other chemicals of stress,
764
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:38,334
and my mind is telling
me, "I don't belong here."
765
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:39,191
I remember the practice,
766
00:36:39,257 --> 00:36:41,564
and the practice is just to simply
767
00:36:41,630 --> 00:36:43,914
question the truth of that thought
768
00:36:43,980 --> 00:36:46,964
and open my entire attention
769
00:36:47,030 --> 00:36:49,155
to all the difficult sensations,
770
00:36:49,221 --> 00:36:52,924
to noticing my mind wants
to pull me out of presence,
771
00:36:52,990 --> 00:36:54,834
come back to presence, stay with the body,
772
00:36:54,900 --> 00:36:56,097
feel the discomfort,
773
00:36:56,163 --> 00:37:01,163
open to it and let it sort of
sizzle and cure me as it were,
774
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,067
and rest and watch this duration.
775
00:37:04,133 --> 00:37:07,854
And it stayed for some time,
maybe two or three minutes.
776
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,794
And then I was able to just notice
777
00:37:10,860 --> 00:37:14,904
that this is a habit of
mind and not the truth.
778
00:37:14,970 --> 00:37:17,894
And I was able to get up and
just say hello to a few people
779
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,354
and walk away feeling totally different.
780
00:37:21,420 --> 00:37:23,554
This methodology is used now
781
00:37:23,620 --> 00:37:25,334
in all kinds of forms of therapy,
782
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,907
like mindfulness-based relapse prevention,
783
00:37:27,973 --> 00:37:29,964
mindfulness-based cognitive therapy,
784
00:37:30,030 --> 00:37:33,396
and it's helping people,
millions of people deal
with anxiety and depression.
785
00:37:33,462 --> 00:37:35,194
But I discovered it right there,
786
00:37:35,260 --> 00:37:36,944
before I knew about any of those things,
787
00:37:37,010 --> 00:37:38,604
just by applying the practice
788
00:37:38,670 --> 00:37:40,724
right when I wanted to
just get up and leave
789
00:37:40,790 --> 00:37:42,024
and run out of the room,
790
00:37:42,090 --> 00:37:43,684
but staying in the fire,
791
00:37:43,750 --> 00:37:45,804
sitting in the fire with compassion
792
00:37:45,870 --> 00:37:48,194
and letting it transform my mind.
793
00:37:48,260 --> 00:37:52,204
- I often say that your
life is your practice,
794
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,484
my life is my practice.
795
00:37:54,550 --> 00:37:57,612
And that became very true for me
796
00:37:57,678 --> 00:38:00,944
when I moved through the grieving process
797
00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:04,724
after my son passed away unexpectedly,
798
00:38:04,790 --> 00:38:07,424
he was eight months old,
799
00:38:07,490 --> 00:38:10,938
and just a beautiful, healthy little boy.
800
00:38:11,004 --> 00:38:14,214
And he got a stomach bug,
801
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,334
and he just didn't seem to get better.
802
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,304
And I would go to the doctor,
they would send us home.
803
00:38:20,370 --> 00:38:21,774
I took him to the emergency room,
804
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,774
they sent us home, and
finally after one night,
805
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,391
he wasn't keeping anything down,
806
00:38:27,457 --> 00:38:28,754
he was so upset.
807
00:38:28,820 --> 00:38:31,761
I took him back to the
emergency room and said,
808
00:38:31,827 --> 00:38:33,094
"You gotta look at him.
809
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,994
Something's not right here."
810
00:38:35,060 --> 00:38:36,994
And he looked a little dehydrated.
811
00:38:37,060 --> 00:38:39,089
So they brought him in
and they were gonna get him on liquids.
812
00:38:39,155 --> 00:38:44,155
And then everything began
to get out of control.
813
00:38:46,847 --> 00:38:48,374
It felt like it was out of control.
814
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,844
It almost was like I was watching a movie,
815
00:38:50,910 --> 00:38:52,214
those experiences in your life
816
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:56,034
when you really are just the observer.
817
00:38:56,100 --> 00:39:01,100
And I will always have that
memory of looking down at him,
818
00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:05,314
and he just starts taking
these kinds of gulps of breath.
819
00:39:05,380 --> 00:39:08,064
And I asked the nurse, I'm
like, "What is he doing?"
820
00:39:08,130 --> 00:39:10,824
And then she just said,
"This does not look good."
821
00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:13,140
And suddenly there was
10 people in the room.
822
00:39:16,070 --> 00:39:17,814
They placed a mask on him.
823
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,794
They were pumping air into his lungs,
824
00:39:19,860 --> 00:39:24,580
and they revived him and I
called my husband at work.
825
00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:28,384
And he was glad I was going
to the emergency room,
826
00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,244
because he thought it would help me,
827
00:39:30,310 --> 00:39:31,954
'cause he knew I was
going to be at home alone
828
00:39:32,020 --> 00:39:34,554
and he didn't want me to be stressed out.
829
00:39:34,620 --> 00:39:37,634
And he knew I was worrying about our son
830
00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:39,904
even though we thought he just had a bug.
831
00:39:39,970 --> 00:39:41,851
And I just remember telling him, I'm like,
832
00:39:41,917 --> 00:39:44,224
"Leave, get here now."
833
00:39:44,290 --> 00:39:49,290
And he walked out of work
and just came straight away.
834
00:39:49,634 --> 00:39:51,944
And he said, he knew something was wrong
835
00:39:52,010 --> 00:39:55,334
when a social worker
greeted him at the hospital.
836
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,313
Within two hours, our son
passed away of cardiac arrest.
837
00:40:02,803 --> 00:40:05,970
It was an undiagnosed heart condition,
838
00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:09,994
it's very rare, called Kawasaki disease.
839
00:40:10,060 --> 00:40:13,414
He had gotten sick about
a month and a half before
840
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,054
and turns out that was
the initial symptoms
841
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,753
of the disease expressing
itself in his body.
842
00:40:18,819 --> 00:40:23,819
And the doctors had thought
it was something else,
843
00:40:23,930 --> 00:40:25,334
they thought it was just a virus.
844
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:26,834
Had it been detected then,
845
00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:28,794
there could have been something that
846
00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:30,814
they could have done, but
the symptoms went away,
847
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,484
he seemed totally fine.
848
00:40:32,550 --> 00:40:37,044
And what had happened was the
disease attacks the heart.
849
00:40:37,110 --> 00:40:39,374
And though he gotten a stomach virus,
850
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,654
his heart couldn't handle
the virus going through that,
851
00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:44,794
and his heart gave out.
852
00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:47,544
I like to say that he was just
853
00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:51,664
enveloped in so much love,
his little heart burst.
854
00:40:51,730 --> 00:40:54,504
But there was just this experience
855
00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:57,954
of just watching people come in and out.
856
00:40:58,020 --> 00:41:00,534
I'd say probably 30 people all in all,
857
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,664
entered the room and left the
room trying to revive him,
858
00:41:02,730 --> 00:41:07,730
trying to get him to just stay alive.
859
00:41:08,020 --> 00:41:09,904
What a lot of people don't tell you
860
00:41:09,970 --> 00:41:13,074
is that after a baby dies,
861
00:41:13,140 --> 00:41:15,794
they wrap the baby in a blank
and they hand them to you.
862
00:41:15,860 --> 00:41:20,574
And I think that this is a way
for the parents to transition
863
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:24,664
into the experience of letting go.
864
00:41:24,730 --> 00:41:27,044
And they give you a
hospital room for four hours
865
00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,510
so you can be with the baby.
866
00:41:29,420 --> 00:41:33,052
And I just remember having to call my mom
867
00:41:33,118 --> 00:41:38,118
and I'm feeling that experience.
868
00:41:38,570 --> 00:41:40,744
When I go back and I live the experience,
869
00:41:40,810 --> 00:41:44,464
I get emotional because
it's just like reliving it.
870
00:41:44,530 --> 00:41:48,094
But you should know that
my heart is so full of love
871
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,584
for my son, for the experience.
872
00:41:51,650 --> 00:41:55,834
And for being able to move
through this experience
873
00:41:55,900 --> 00:41:59,173
and be present to what was
enfolding when it was unfolding.
874
00:42:00,150 --> 00:42:02,004
I just remember seeing my mom come
875
00:42:02,070 --> 00:42:06,634
and her legs gave out on
her, and my sister was there,
876
00:42:06,700 --> 00:42:09,084
and a few of our friends
came to say goodbye.
877
00:42:09,150 --> 00:42:11,253
And we just kissed him goodbye.
878
00:42:12,230 --> 00:42:14,064
We wrapped him in a blanket
879
00:42:14,130 --> 00:42:17,614
that my mother-in-law had made for him.
880
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:18,704
And they took him away.
881
00:42:18,770 --> 00:42:21,514
We put them in that
because it just felt like,
882
00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:23,574
it looked more like him.
883
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:28,640
I knew intuitively that it
was time to pay attention.
884
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,174
I wanted to be present
885
00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:35,094
for what was about to unfold in my life
886
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,124
and our lives collectively.
887
00:42:37,190 --> 00:42:41,314
What unfolded in the months following
888
00:42:41,380 --> 00:42:43,984
was this experience in which
889
00:42:44,050 --> 00:42:49,050
I was fully present to
the feelings of loss,
890
00:42:50,870 --> 00:42:55,664
the feelings of grief, the
feelings of agony, of sadness.
891
00:42:55,730 --> 00:42:59,124
And instead of trying to push them away
892
00:42:59,190 --> 00:43:01,224
or trying to get through it quickly,
893
00:43:01,290 --> 00:43:04,704
I just allowed them to have residency.
894
00:43:04,770 --> 00:43:06,974
So whatever needed to arise,
895
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:12,040
I just allowed it to come
up and have its time.
896
00:43:12,530 --> 00:43:17,530
And what I learned in that
was sadness can be beautiful
897
00:43:18,908 --> 00:43:21,204
and it can be healing,
898
00:43:21,270 --> 00:43:26,270
and allowing yourself to have
a layered human experience
899
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,564
is so powerful and meaningful.
900
00:43:31,630 --> 00:43:34,874
And because I'm open to it,
901
00:43:34,940 --> 00:43:39,940
I had little miracles that
would unfold along the way.
902
00:43:41,180 --> 00:43:45,734
And now I think the
greatest gift my son gave me
903
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:49,984
was he walked me over the
bridge from faith to knowing.
904
00:43:50,050 --> 00:43:54,674
So there are certain things
that I now know about life
905
00:43:54,740 --> 00:43:55,634
that I would not
906
00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:59,744
have been able to stand
in authority and say,
907
00:43:59,810 --> 00:44:00,874
I know this to be true,
908
00:44:00,940 --> 00:44:03,034
had that not occurred.
909
00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:05,064
Did it happen the way I wanted it to?
910
00:44:05,130 --> 00:44:07,548
Absolutely not, but it happened.
911
00:44:07,614 --> 00:44:10,531
I remember somebody said to me,
912
00:44:10,597 --> 00:44:13,464
"No parent should go through this."
913
00:44:13,530 --> 00:44:16,644
And I just found that to
be so unhelpful for me,
914
00:44:16,710 --> 00:44:19,164
because I was going through this.
915
00:44:19,230 --> 00:44:24,230
And one thing that we must learn to do,
916
00:44:24,650 --> 00:44:28,274
if we are going to experience peace
917
00:44:28,340 --> 00:44:32,243
is accept what is unfolding before us.
918
00:44:33,110 --> 00:44:36,554
- The process is, I
liken it to log rolling.
919
00:44:36,620 --> 00:44:38,164
It's just really hard for us,
920
00:44:38,230 --> 00:44:39,864
just falling in the water,
falling in the water.
921
00:44:39,930 --> 00:44:41,374
If the water is your thoughts,
922
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,884
and being on the log is
being in your senses,
923
00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:46,144
you're constantly just falling,
924
00:44:46,210 --> 00:44:48,894
and you have to be totally
okay with that and embrace it.
925
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:49,884
Why?
926
00:44:49,950 --> 00:44:51,084
Well, first of all, it's a new skill,
927
00:44:51,150 --> 00:44:53,074
you're not supposed to be great at it yet.
928
00:44:53,140 --> 00:44:56,538
But second of all,
it also shows you about
the nature of mind.
929
00:44:56,604 --> 00:44:58,044
Falling into the water
930
00:44:58,110 --> 00:44:59,704
when you're trying to experience a log,
931
00:44:59,770 --> 00:45:00,734
tells you about water,
932
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,284
and tells you about balance, buoyancy,
933
00:45:02,350 --> 00:45:03,117
all those things.
934
00:45:03,183 --> 00:45:06,179
You're learning things, even
as you "get distracted."
935
00:45:06,245 --> 00:45:08,944
So you're never not benefiting from it.
936
00:45:09,010 --> 00:45:12,341
And you always want to
embrace that experience of,
937
00:45:12,407 --> 00:45:15,928
"Oh this is not simple, and it's not easy,
938
00:45:15,994 --> 00:45:18,784
but each moment I can try again."
939
00:45:18,850 --> 00:45:21,134
And the ability to begin again,
940
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,854
and that spirit of what
we call in neuroscience,
941
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,504
we call it the courage of repetition.
942
00:45:26,570 --> 00:45:31,254
I had to keep embracing
a thousand repetitions
943
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:33,154
as the yes to the experience.
944
00:45:33,220 --> 00:45:36,200
But also, if you play
a musical instrument,
945
00:45:36,266 --> 00:45:41,164
if you play sports, if you paint or write,
946
00:45:41,230 --> 00:45:44,102
you know what it's like to
not think the technique.
947
00:45:44,168 --> 00:45:47,644
In the beginning, if you're
learning a tennis swing,
948
00:45:47,710 --> 00:45:48,924
the coach is telling you to make sure
949
00:45:48,990 --> 00:45:51,594
to have your racket face
outward a little bit,
950
00:45:51,660 --> 00:45:54,074
and the backswing has to
be parallel to the cord
951
00:45:54,140 --> 00:45:56,461
and your left hand should be
forward if you're right-handed.
952
00:45:56,527 --> 00:45:57,294
"Okay, I gotta to think
about all these things.
953
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,084
And then I try and think
of, and I can't do it."
954
00:46:00,150 --> 00:46:02,674
But gradually, I start experimenting,
955
00:46:02,740 --> 00:46:05,334
and my body and my mind are communicating,
956
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,674
and something becomes embodied,
957
00:46:07,740 --> 00:46:08,644
when it's embodied,
958
00:46:08,710 --> 00:46:09,960
I don't need to think it.
959
00:46:11,130 --> 00:46:12,754
I mean, you put on shoes today.
960
00:46:12,820 --> 00:46:13,587
I guarantee you,
961
00:46:13,653 --> 00:46:15,584
you did not think about
how to tie your shoelaces.
962
00:46:15,650 --> 00:46:18,704
You were thinking about
something else, because you can,
963
00:46:18,770 --> 00:46:20,524
because your body knows.
964
00:46:20,590 --> 00:46:24,024
So in the same way, as you practice this
965
00:46:24,090 --> 00:46:25,334
and you begin to distinguish
966
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:30,234
between thinking breath
versus feeling breath,
967
00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:34,064
thinking wash the dishes versus
actually sensing the plate,
968
00:46:34,130 --> 00:46:36,723
feeling the wet sponge,
hearing the scrub sound,
969
00:46:37,670 --> 00:46:39,634
those are all immediate
radical experiences
970
00:46:39,700 --> 00:46:44,642
that don't need explanation
or any kind of elaboration.
971
00:46:44,708 --> 00:46:47,184
But the mind is used to
talking all the time,
972
00:46:47,250 --> 00:46:50,154
and narrating our experience,
which is a wonderful thing.
973
00:46:50,220 --> 00:46:51,284
The only way I can have
this interview with you
974
00:46:51,350 --> 00:46:52,652
is 'cause I can do that.
975
00:46:52,718 --> 00:46:57,360
However, that's not the only
experience that's possible.
976
00:46:57,426 --> 00:47:00,914
And quite often, our internal
narrative is not that pleasant
977
00:47:00,980 --> 00:47:05,004
especially given cultural upheavals
978
00:47:05,070 --> 00:47:08,152
and global health threats
and contentious elections.
979
00:47:08,218 --> 00:47:10,984
So it's helpful to have a choice
980
00:47:11,050 --> 00:47:14,724
to let that sort of
shift to the background,
981
00:47:14,790 --> 00:47:18,024
and that my actual lived
experience being the foreground.
982
00:47:18,090 --> 00:47:21,033
So there's a great payoff
to those thousand reps.
983
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:27,154
- The journey, there
was an initial benefit
984
00:47:27,220 --> 00:47:29,064
once I started to practice,
985
00:47:29,130 --> 00:47:31,024
of just relief,
986
00:47:31,090 --> 00:47:36,090
relief from my over active,
busy, unable to settle down,
987
00:47:37,270 --> 00:47:39,004
easily frustrated mind.
988
00:47:39,070 --> 00:47:42,364
That was great.
And I didn't have to drink any alcohol,
989
00:47:42,430 --> 00:47:44,814
I didn't have to binge on any food.
990
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:47,891
This was just a skill
and a tool to practice.
991
00:47:47,957 --> 00:47:49,904
And I didn't have to be anywhere
992
00:47:49,970 --> 00:47:51,384
or be with anybody to do it.
993
00:47:51,450 --> 00:47:53,944
That was the initial benefits.
994
00:47:54,010 --> 00:47:59,010
And then about six months into
my practicing mindfulness,
995
00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:01,722
I was in my backyard,
996
00:48:01,788 --> 00:48:03,674
I had just finished yoga,
997
00:48:03,740 --> 00:48:05,904
so I was completely exhausted.
998
00:48:05,970 --> 00:48:09,434
And then I started my breath practice,
999
00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:12,954
where I'm bringing my
attention to my breath,
1000
00:48:13,020 --> 00:48:15,244
following it as it's coming in,
1001
00:48:15,310 --> 00:48:17,794
noticing little space in-between,
1002
00:48:17,860 --> 00:48:20,304
and then following my breath as I go out.
1003
00:48:20,370 --> 00:48:23,254
But I also count, so I do a count of five.
1004
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:27,774
So as I'm breathing in, I do
one, two, three, four, five.
1005
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:32,054
And as I exhale, I count
one, two, three, four, five,
1006
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:37,120
it just adds more stimulus or
more information for my brain,
1007
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,754
my hyperactive brain to focus on.
1008
00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:41,414
But while I was doing that,
1009
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:45,684
all of a sudden I had this experience
1010
00:48:45,750 --> 00:48:49,054
where my thoughts completely shut off.
1011
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,034
When I also practice
mindfulness, I close my eyes,
1012
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:53,034
and when I close my eyes,
1013
00:48:53,100 --> 00:48:55,154
I see a little light in front of me.
1014
00:48:55,220 --> 00:48:57,004
And I focus on that light.
1015
00:48:57,070 --> 00:49:00,564
And while I was focusing on
this light in front of me,
1016
00:49:00,630 --> 00:49:03,064
eventually the light kept getting
1017
00:49:03,130 --> 00:49:06,694
bigger and bigger and bigger.
1018
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,133
Eventually, I became the light.
1019
00:49:10,397 --> 00:49:14,614
That saying, I saw the
light, I am the light,
1020
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,894
I felt it flow through me.
1021
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,274
It was an experience that's indescribable.
1022
00:49:21,340 --> 00:49:25,564
I'll do my best, but
just in my descriptions,
1023
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:27,914
they're just like street
signs, street signs,
1024
00:49:27,980 --> 00:49:29,394
they're not the street.
1025
00:49:29,460 --> 00:49:30,714
While I felt it,
1026
00:49:30,780 --> 00:49:34,282
I felt just pure peace,
1027
00:49:34,348 --> 00:49:39,348
just unbelievable
calmness, peace, and joy,
1028
00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:44,964
and then it stopped.
1029
00:49:45,030 --> 00:49:48,314
And then I was like,
my mind kicked back on.
1030
00:49:48,380 --> 00:49:50,141
My first thought was,
1031
00:49:50,207 --> 00:49:52,504
"Holy shit has just happened,"
1032
00:49:52,570 --> 00:49:53,824
because I had been reading
1033
00:49:53,890 --> 00:49:56,604
about this experience
for many, many years.
1034
00:49:56,670 --> 00:49:59,382
The first time I had this experience,
1035
00:49:59,448 --> 00:50:04,448
I was in a car accident
in the summer of '97.
1036
00:50:05,290 --> 00:50:08,284
I was actually ejected out of the vehicle,
1037
00:50:08,350 --> 00:50:10,004
my seatbelt ripped.
1038
00:50:10,070 --> 00:50:13,564
And I was, according to the police report,
1039
00:50:13,630 --> 00:50:16,614
thrown a hundred feet
from the point of impact
1040
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,214
to where my body landed on the ground.
1041
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,154
I don't remember the impact.
1042
00:50:21,220 --> 00:50:22,544
I remember certain points,
1043
00:50:22,610 --> 00:50:24,954
my consciousness just
kept coming in and out.
1044
00:50:25,020 --> 00:50:27,824
And then since we were so
far away from a hospital,
1045
00:50:27,890 --> 00:50:31,754
they send a helicopter out
to lift me air ambulance
1046
00:50:31,820 --> 00:50:34,024
to Holy Cross Medical
Center in Mission Hills.
1047
00:50:34,090 --> 00:50:36,024
I was on the helicopter,
1048
00:50:36,090 --> 00:50:37,274
while I'm on the helicopter,
1049
00:50:37,340 --> 00:50:39,714
my consciousness is coming in and out,
1050
00:50:39,780 --> 00:50:40,682
one moment I'm there,
1051
00:50:40,748 --> 00:50:42,431
everyone's telling me to calm down,
1052
00:50:42,497 --> 00:50:44,064
it was just an accident.
1053
00:50:44,130 --> 00:50:47,858
I'm fighting people because
I'm in such a state of shock,
1054
00:50:47,924 --> 00:50:48,934
I don't know what's going on.
1055
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,464
I get to the hospital,
1056
00:50:50,530 --> 00:50:52,144
they rolled me into the emergency room,
1057
00:50:52,210 --> 00:50:53,324
I'm coming in and out,
1058
00:50:53,390 --> 00:50:54,564
I'm fighting the nurses,
1059
00:50:54,630 --> 00:50:56,544
the nurses are telling me to calm down.
1060
00:50:56,610 --> 00:50:59,374
So while I was in the emergency room,
1061
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,944
and all this chaos was going on,
1062
00:51:02,010 --> 00:51:03,926
and they're sticking a catheter in me
1063
00:51:03,992 --> 00:51:07,144
and breathing tubes down my throat,
1064
00:51:07,210 --> 00:51:12,210
I felt my awareness or my
consciousness leave my body.
1065
00:51:13,220 --> 00:51:17,584
I actually felt like my,
1066
00:51:17,650 --> 00:51:18,832
I don't know
1067
00:51:18,898 --> 00:51:21,037
if you want to call it
spirit awareness conscious,
1068
00:51:21,103 --> 00:51:22,984
whatever you wanna call it,
1069
00:51:23,050 --> 00:51:26,994
actually leave my physical presence.
1070
00:51:27,060 --> 00:51:29,836
And I was able to actually look at myself
1071
00:51:29,902 --> 00:51:32,224
while I was in the room,
1072
00:51:32,290 --> 00:51:34,604
while I was lying down on the hospital,
1073
00:51:34,670 --> 00:51:37,774
while people were frantically
working around me,
1074
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,104
shoving breathing tubes,
1075
00:51:39,170 --> 00:51:41,404
giving me injections, holding me down,
1076
00:51:41,470 --> 00:51:46,440
but I felt completely calm
and peaceful out of my body.
1077
00:51:46,506 --> 00:51:50,994
And I even saw this white light
1078
00:51:51,060 --> 00:51:53,054
out of like the corner of my eye.
1079
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:54,484
And then when I went towards it,
1080
00:51:54,550 --> 00:51:57,071
then I just kind of blacked out.
1081
00:51:57,137 --> 00:52:00,354
And then I woke up in
ICU three days later,
1082
00:52:00,420 --> 00:52:01,254
and then that's when everybody
1083
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:02,754
explained to me what happened.
1084
00:52:02,820 --> 00:52:04,894
That was my first experience
1085
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,784
of having, was that near death experience.
1086
00:52:07,850 --> 00:52:10,934
And then about six months
practicing mindfulness,
1087
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,193
I experienced it again.
1088
00:52:14,220 --> 00:52:16,299
And that really
1089
00:52:16,365 --> 00:52:19,063
has completely changed
my life ever since then.
1090
00:52:20,350 --> 00:52:22,054
- Owing back to some of the things
1091
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:23,624
that we know from science,
1092
00:52:23,690 --> 00:52:24,934
so we know that first of all,
1093
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:29,294
I can take care of this
marvelous, mysterious organism,
1094
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:33,174
I can learn more about when I'm stressing
1095
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:34,024
and what to do about it,
1096
00:52:34,090 --> 00:52:35,814
because I'm paying much more attention
1097
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:37,134
to that throughout the day,
1098
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,309
not just occasionally,
not just on a retreat,
1099
00:52:39,375 --> 00:52:41,285
not just on a spa day,
1100
00:52:41,351 --> 00:52:44,204
but daily, I'm monitoring my body,
1101
00:52:44,270 --> 00:52:47,594
learning how the interaction
with the world creates stress
1102
00:52:47,660 --> 00:52:49,034
and what I can do about it.
1103
00:52:49,100 --> 00:52:51,701
I'm monitoring my mind to see,
1104
00:52:51,767 --> 00:52:54,584
"Oh, where are their thoughts and beliefs,
1105
00:52:54,650 --> 00:52:56,264
that project a reality into the world
1106
00:52:56,330 --> 00:52:58,584
that needs to be verified?"
1107
00:52:58,650 --> 00:53:01,034
So I'm constantly doing fact-checking.
1108
00:53:01,100 --> 00:53:03,484
So I might believe certain things about
1109
00:53:03,550 --> 00:53:05,804
police officers or black lives matter
1110
00:53:05,870 --> 00:53:06,774
or whatever it might be.
1111
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:07,904
How do I know?
1112
00:53:07,970 --> 00:53:09,204
Is that based on one article I read,
1113
00:53:09,270 --> 00:53:10,407
one interview I watched?
1114
00:53:10,473 --> 00:53:11,894
I need to really
1115
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,124
start to bring my mindfulness into a place
1116
00:53:14,190 --> 00:53:16,534
where I'm taking on the responsibility
1117
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,474
for verifying what's actual.
1118
00:53:19,540 --> 00:53:21,972
And instead of going into
black and white thinking,
1119
00:53:22,038 --> 00:53:24,334
which just oversimplifies things,
1120
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,774
I have to seek the
gray, if I see the gray,
1121
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:31,344
it's inconvenient, because
I have to work for it.
1122
00:53:31,410 --> 00:53:33,017
I have to read more articles,
1123
00:53:33,083 --> 00:53:38,083
I have to do that with my
adult discount of discernment.
1124
00:53:38,170 --> 00:53:39,714
I have to talk to people of all kinds
1125
00:53:39,780 --> 00:53:41,024
and disagree with them sometimes.
1126
00:53:41,090 --> 00:53:42,014
How do I do that skillfully?
1127
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:43,664
Well, that altruism
1128
00:53:43,730 --> 00:53:45,834
that we talked about
mindfulness cultivating,
1129
00:53:45,900 --> 00:53:48,964
which is compassion, curiosity, openness,
1130
00:53:49,030 --> 00:53:51,864
willingness, recognizing our connection,
1131
00:53:51,930 --> 00:53:53,254
not just our differences,
1132
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,194
that will help me have those
difficult conversations
1133
00:53:55,260 --> 00:53:56,854
that can shape culture.
1134
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,734
So mindfulness is the tool,
1135
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:03,403
the light by which I
could see myself as I am,
1136
00:54:03,469 --> 00:54:05,344
as my body is,
1137
00:54:05,410 --> 00:54:07,004
as my mind functions,
1138
00:54:07,070 --> 00:54:09,684
as my affect animates me,
1139
00:54:09,750 --> 00:54:11,515
and take responsibility for it,
1140
00:54:11,581 --> 00:54:12,994
to try and find out
1141
00:54:13,060 --> 00:54:16,091
what's to the best of
my knowledge today true,
1142
00:54:16,157 --> 00:54:17,474
what is the good in front of me
1143
00:54:17,540 --> 00:54:20,404
that I could do for myself, for others.
1144
00:54:20,470 --> 00:54:22,324
And how well am I doing that?
1145
00:54:22,390 --> 00:54:25,933
Mindfulness is the light that
shines on that intention,
1146
00:54:25,999 --> 00:54:28,693
that methodology and those outcomes.
1147
00:54:31,230 --> 00:54:34,194
- It was like a drug when I
didn't achieve it, I was like
1148
00:54:34,260 --> 00:54:35,920
"What the hell am I doing wrong?"
1149
00:54:35,986 --> 00:54:39,254
And I didn't realize like,
"Well, that's not mindfulness."
1150
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:40,670
Mindfulness is just noticing,
1151
00:54:40,736 --> 00:54:43,710
if that other thing happens, that's great.
1152
00:54:43,776 --> 00:54:48,776
But it's really just noticing
wherever your mind is at.
1153
00:54:49,340 --> 00:54:50,107
The reason why
1154
00:54:50,173 --> 00:54:51,664
you don't wanna set that up as a standard
1155
00:54:51,730 --> 00:54:53,974
is because whenever you don't achieve that
1156
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:55,880
when you sit down and
meditate or practice,
1157
00:54:55,946 --> 00:54:57,984
then you're gonna get upset.
1158
00:54:58,050 --> 00:54:59,364
Or you're gonna think that
1159
00:54:59,430 --> 00:55:02,754
you're doing it wrong or
incorrectly, and you're not.
1160
00:55:02,820 --> 00:55:04,811
When I have bouts of
hyperactivity, I was like,
1161
00:55:04,877 --> 00:55:06,784
"I'm not doing it right."
1162
00:55:06,850 --> 00:55:09,164
And it's not that I was,
I was doing it right,
1163
00:55:09,230 --> 00:55:13,039
it's just that I had this reference point,
1164
00:55:13,105 --> 00:55:15,474
I was like, "Oh, well, that's
what I want to achieve.
1165
00:55:15,540 --> 00:55:18,704
I'm not calm, or I'm not
having this experience,
1166
00:55:18,770 --> 00:55:20,144
therefore I'm doing it wrong."
1167
00:55:20,210 --> 00:55:21,634
There is no right and wrong.
1168
00:55:21,700 --> 00:55:25,462
That's one of the biggest
misconceptions in mindfulness,
1169
00:55:25,528 --> 00:55:28,584
is that you practice just to practice.
1170
00:55:28,650 --> 00:55:29,944
There's no right way to practice
1171
00:55:30,010 --> 00:55:31,891
or there's no wrong way to practice.
1172
00:55:31,957 --> 00:55:33,564
And that while you're practicing,
1173
00:55:33,630 --> 00:55:36,204
whatever comes up just shows up,
1174
00:55:36,270 --> 00:55:41,004
and you greet it with a
cup of tea and as a friend,
1175
00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:43,803
and with curiosity and investigation.
1176
00:55:44,750 --> 00:55:47,524
- When I teach a group of 25 people
1177
00:55:47,590 --> 00:55:49,353
in one of my UCLA classes,
1178
00:55:49,419 --> 00:55:53,724
I really right away invite skepticism.
1179
00:55:53,790 --> 00:55:56,403
I invite you to challenge me,
1180
00:55:57,286 --> 00:55:59,404
please do it with respect,
1181
00:55:59,470 --> 00:56:01,162
because it's a couple of people
1182
00:56:01,228 --> 00:56:03,984
to have disrespectful conversation.
1183
00:56:04,050 --> 00:56:05,004
But I expect doubt,
1184
00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:06,664
and I expect skepticism,
1185
00:56:06,730 --> 00:56:09,744
don't believe it because
I say it, try it on.
1186
00:56:09,810 --> 00:56:11,774
And so this is where
1187
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,524
we get really interesting
conversations about things.
1188
00:56:14,590 --> 00:56:17,904
Part of the challenge is mindfulness,
1189
00:56:17,970 --> 00:56:21,101
because it has to be in a
marketplace, has to be advertised.
1190
00:56:21,167 --> 00:56:23,804
And in the advertising itself,
1191
00:56:23,870 --> 00:56:25,954
it's gonna naturally select some people
1192
00:56:26,020 --> 00:56:29,243
and other people will read it
and say, "That's poppycock."
1193
00:56:30,580 --> 00:56:31,347
That's (indistinct).
1194
00:56:31,413 --> 00:56:32,180
I'm not good at that thing.
1195
00:56:32,246 --> 00:56:34,164
"That's for those kind of people."
1196
00:56:34,230 --> 00:56:35,661
So it doesn't attract
1197
00:56:35,727 --> 00:56:37,494
the people who might be really valuable
1198
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,354
and having a conversation about.
1199
00:56:39,420 --> 00:56:42,414
However, I do have a special population
1200
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:44,984
for whom I am a mindfulness teacher,
1201
00:56:45,050 --> 00:56:47,164
and that is law enforcement and the FBI.
1202
00:56:47,230 --> 00:56:50,854
There, we have a very,
very skeptical audience.
1203
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:52,154
And it's very extemporaneous.
1204
00:56:52,220 --> 00:56:54,874
We have a loose outline,
but it's very alive.
1205
00:56:54,940 --> 00:56:56,984
And we invite all the descent.
1206
00:56:57,050 --> 00:56:59,074
And one of the things that
we know about mindfulness,
1207
00:56:59,140 --> 00:57:02,916
which is, again, reflecting
back to my introduction to it,
1208
00:57:02,982 --> 00:57:05,494
you cannot force people into mindfulness
1209
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:08,636
or demand that they do it,
or even suggest they do it
1210
00:57:08,702 --> 00:57:13,004
without them asking for
something, seeking something.
1211
00:57:13,070 --> 00:57:15,420
And so we had one bad experience
1212
00:57:15,486 --> 00:57:18,111
where Northern California city,
1213
00:57:18,177 --> 00:57:20,631
their chief went through
one of our programs,
1214
00:57:20,697 --> 00:57:22,304
blew his mind open.
1215
00:57:22,370 --> 00:57:24,614
He went to the city, got finances,
1216
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:25,697
had the entire department
1217
00:57:25,763 --> 00:57:28,694
trained in mindfulness
in our in our program.
1218
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,414
And many of them were resentful,
1219
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,314
because they weren't given a choice.
1220
00:57:32,380 --> 00:57:33,326
And when we found that out,
1221
00:57:33,392 --> 00:57:34,707
no one told us that.
1222
00:57:34,773 --> 00:57:36,891
And they kind of rebelled in the classroom
1223
00:57:36,957 --> 00:57:38,554
during the retreat,
1224
00:57:38,620 --> 00:57:40,581
and we apologized to them and said,
1225
00:57:40,647 --> 00:57:42,334
"It should never be mandatory.
1226
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:44,679
The beer is stocked,
go have some fun leave.
1227
00:57:44,745 --> 00:57:45,748
If you want to,
1228
00:57:45,814 --> 00:57:49,534
no negative reports to
your superiors, all good."
1229
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,684
And most of them left except for five.
1230
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:53,500
And those who stayed, we went deep.
1231
00:57:55,251 --> 00:57:56,684
This is really important.
1232
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:59,274
This is not for everybody at all times.
1233
00:57:59,340 --> 00:58:02,154
This is a voluntary self-introspection.
1234
00:58:02,220 --> 00:58:03,564
And we really respect that.
1235
00:58:03,630 --> 00:58:04,614
We have to respect that.
1236
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:05,861
And the other thing is that,
1237
00:58:05,927 --> 00:58:08,603
there's always a sense
of self being developed,
1238
00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:11,564
"I've had my first mindfulness class.
1239
00:58:11,630 --> 00:58:13,227
I love mindfulness.
1240
00:58:13,293 --> 00:58:14,060
I want to tell everybody about it."
1241
00:58:14,126 --> 00:58:15,690
And that's natural exuberance.
1242
00:58:15,756 --> 00:58:17,264
You take a few more classes
1243
00:58:17,330 --> 00:58:18,804
and you start to see
your friends struggle.
1244
00:58:18,870 --> 00:58:20,174
And maybe you see some struggles
1245
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,174
or here's some struggles
that you went through
1246
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,024
but now you kind of
have a better angle on,
1247
00:58:24,090 --> 00:58:26,982
and now you kind of like,
"Oh, I'm mindful and they're not."
1248
00:58:27,048 --> 00:58:29,504
And so it's very easy to see
1249
00:58:29,570 --> 00:58:32,054
how I can inflate my sense of self,
1250
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:33,994
which mindfulness is
actually aiming to notice
1251
00:58:34,060 --> 00:58:36,674
that the sense of self is
not what you think it is.
1252
00:58:36,740 --> 00:58:38,587
And certainly, that you're
not better than me people.
1253
00:58:38,653 --> 00:58:40,774
But we can kind of go there.
1254
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,944
I do some mindfulness training
for political activists
1255
00:58:44,010 --> 00:58:45,064
who are canvassing the neighbors,
1256
00:58:45,130 --> 00:58:47,422
trying to get people to sign up and vote.
1257
00:58:47,488 --> 00:58:49,404
I tell them from the very beginning,
1258
00:58:49,470 --> 00:58:54,470
this is a non-sectarian
egalitarian practice.
1259
00:58:54,730 --> 00:58:56,194
And if we're not careful,
1260
00:58:56,260 --> 00:58:58,554
it will be associated
with only being a Democrat
1261
00:58:58,620 --> 00:59:01,163
or being a Liberal, and it's not true.
1262
00:59:02,130 --> 00:59:04,634
You can be a diehard Trump supporter
1263
00:59:04,700 --> 00:59:06,261
and practice mindfulness.
1264
00:59:06,327 --> 00:59:09,284
There might be all kinds of
experiences that you might have
1265
00:59:09,350 --> 00:59:11,474
if you're working earnestly,
1266
00:59:11,540 --> 00:59:16,540
but it's not a club that you
have join with an affiliation,
1267
00:59:16,850 --> 00:59:20,204
it's a human quality of
paying attention, being aware.
1268
00:59:20,270 --> 00:59:23,014
And we all have delusions and illusions
1269
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,330
about the nature of
reality and nature of self.
1270
00:59:25,396 --> 00:59:26,803
No one is free from that.
1271
00:59:28,170 --> 00:59:30,874
- I don't know if mindfulness
is different for me.
1272
00:59:30,940 --> 00:59:35,564
Now, my experience and
introduction of meditation
1273
00:59:35,630 --> 00:59:37,064
was through Buddhism,
1274
00:59:37,130 --> 00:59:40,784
and mindfulness grew out
of the Buddhist philosophy,
1275
00:59:40,850 --> 00:59:41,617
that practice,
1276
00:59:41,683 --> 00:59:43,725
and what I became to realize,
1277
00:59:43,791 --> 00:59:47,634
the more my practice
matured was the meditation,
1278
00:59:47,700 --> 00:59:51,144
I practiced was mindfulness meditation,
1279
00:59:51,210 --> 00:59:54,924
which was simply sitting in stillness
1280
00:59:54,990 --> 00:59:57,983
and allowing generally my
breath to be an anchor,
1281
00:59:58,049 --> 01:00:01,734
allowing my attention to
gently fall on my breath,
1282
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,014
and then just being aware of what arose
1283
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:08,444
during the experience
of sitting in meditation without judgment.
1284
01:00:08,510 --> 01:00:10,514
Again, I really have leaned
1285
01:00:10,580 --> 01:00:14,164
into this idea of playful curiosity,
1286
01:00:14,230 --> 01:00:15,314
because I feel like
1287
01:00:15,380 --> 01:00:19,004
that is sort of a wonderful goal to embody
1288
01:00:19,070 --> 01:00:20,363
with anything in life.
1289
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,834
If you're driving in your car in traffic
1290
01:00:23,900 --> 01:00:26,974
and somebody cuts you off
and you're becoming raged,
1291
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:31,680
can you playfully be curious
be like, "Why is rage?"
1292
01:00:33,731 --> 01:00:36,144
Do I really feel like that
person isn't valuing me?
1293
01:00:36,210 --> 01:00:38,074
"What's a story I really have here."
1294
01:00:38,140 --> 01:00:40,284
And if we can just be
playful in all of it,
1295
01:00:40,350 --> 01:00:42,794
I really do think that's a key to it.
1296
01:00:42,860 --> 01:00:45,004
Again, if we're not laughing,
1297
01:00:45,070 --> 01:00:46,584
especially at ourselves,
1298
01:00:46,650 --> 01:00:48,624
then I think we're missing a point.
1299
01:00:48,690 --> 01:00:52,219
- In my experience of people
who have taken mindfulness,
1300
01:00:52,285 --> 01:00:54,854
there's usually two effects.
1301
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,034
Daniel Goldman and Richie Davidson
1302
01:00:57,100 --> 01:00:59,604
in the book "Altered Traits"
discuss this beautifully.
1303
01:00:59,670 --> 01:01:02,404
It's the wide narrow path.
1304
01:01:02,470 --> 01:01:05,494
And then there's the deep
path that's not so wide.
1305
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,224
What I mean by this is that
1306
01:01:07,290 --> 01:01:09,884
there's a lot of people that
get relaxation out of it.
1307
01:01:09,950 --> 01:01:11,884
That's what brought me to it.
1308
01:01:11,950 --> 01:01:13,734
They just get a break from that
1309
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:17,944
automatic thinking mind
that doesn't shut off.
1310
01:01:18,010 --> 01:01:21,444
We get about 60 to 90,000 thoughts a day,
1311
01:01:21,510 --> 01:01:24,454
and we don't do 60 to 90,000 things a day.
1312
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:27,224
So it's just our mind constantly going.
1313
01:01:27,290 --> 01:01:30,755
So most people when they first
start practicing mindfulness,
1314
01:01:30,821 --> 01:01:34,274
they report a relief from a break
1315
01:01:34,340 --> 01:01:36,683
from just that mind
that they can't escape.
1316
01:01:38,790 --> 01:01:40,054
And then there's that other paths
1317
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:41,804
where the people that do have
1318
01:01:41,870 --> 01:01:45,574
an actual spiritual
experience practicing it.
1319
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:47,294
And that's what I experienced.
1320
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,534
It's a switch from, this is something I do
1321
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,684
as something to relax
1322
01:01:52,750 --> 01:01:55,854
to this is now who I am.
1323
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,774
This mindfulness now is just a part of me.
1324
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:04,097
- I have many teenage clients
in my psychotherapy practice.
1325
01:02:04,163 --> 01:02:07,891
And one of the ways I get
buy-in from them as I ask them,
1326
01:02:07,957 --> 01:02:10,464
"So what's it like kind of
being like forced labor?"
1327
01:02:10,530 --> 01:02:12,604
And they look at me like,
"What are you talking about?"
1328
01:02:12,670 --> 01:02:14,934
And I say, "Well, you kind
of have to go to school,
1329
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:17,074
it's not your choice.
You don't have a choice about it."
1330
01:02:17,140 --> 01:02:19,149
And quite often,
you don't have a choice
of what school you go.
1331
01:02:19,215 --> 01:02:21,112
And certainly have not a choice
of classes most of the time.
1332
01:02:21,178 --> 01:02:22,854
And you don't have choice to teachers.
1333
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:24,464
So you're stuck and you have to learn
1334
01:02:24,530 --> 01:02:25,867
and you have to do these things.
1335
01:02:25,933 --> 01:02:28,783
And it results in poor education,
1336
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:32,573
because you have to
want to learn to learn.
1337
01:02:33,591 --> 01:02:34,644
In the same way,
1338
01:02:34,710 --> 01:02:36,694
mindfulness, you have to be curious
1339
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:38,684
about the nature of experience.
1340
01:02:38,750 --> 01:02:40,821
Be curious about the nature of your mind,
1341
01:02:40,887 --> 01:02:44,434
be curious about what attention really is,
1342
01:02:44,500 --> 01:02:46,153
and what an emotion really is,
1343
01:02:46,219 --> 01:02:48,324
and whether your thoughts are true.
1344
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:49,684
If you're not curious about that,
1345
01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:50,654
you're not gonna be looking.
1346
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:52,584
If you're not looking,
you're going to be learning.
1347
01:02:52,650 --> 01:02:53,624
So it's really important
1348
01:02:53,690 --> 01:02:57,305
that we don't insist on
people practicing mindfulness.
1349
01:02:57,371 --> 01:03:01,144
Again, when I reflect
back on my early teachers,
1350
01:03:01,210 --> 01:03:04,024
they never told me to read
a book or try this practice,
1351
01:03:04,090 --> 01:03:07,734
they embodied kindness,
compassion, curiosity,
1352
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:12,344
temperance, caring, and
that drew me to them.
1353
01:03:12,410 --> 01:03:15,796
So our best example, is if we
can embody those qualities.
1354
01:03:15,862 --> 01:03:18,812
People who benefit from them might say,
1355
01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:20,124
"you've really changed
1356
01:03:20,190 --> 01:03:22,264
or what's your deal, what's your secret?"
1357
01:03:22,330 --> 01:03:23,814
And you might share it at that point
1358
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:25,544
and maybe they're interested,
maybe they're not.
1359
01:03:25,610 --> 01:03:26,377
But it's really important
1360
01:03:26,443 --> 01:03:28,854
to respect the individual's
sense of agency
1361
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,624
and where they are in their lives.
1362
01:03:30,690 --> 01:03:32,784
It's not for everyone all the time.
1363
01:03:32,850 --> 01:03:36,034
- What's really enjoyable
about teaching mindfulness
1364
01:03:36,100 --> 01:03:39,344
is just the connection with others.
1365
01:03:39,410 --> 01:03:41,894
I noticed that when people discover it,
1366
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:44,644
the ones that are really open to it,
1367
01:03:44,710 --> 01:03:46,944
it really changes their life,
1368
01:03:47,010 --> 01:03:48,584
just how it changed my life.
1369
01:03:48,650 --> 01:03:52,294
They really go through a transformation,
1370
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:53,974
a mental transformation,
1371
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,894
whereas before they were really suffering
1372
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,288
with their mind that was uncontrolled,
1373
01:03:59,354 --> 01:04:01,804
that the negativity bias
1374
01:04:01,870 --> 01:04:03,811
and all those automatic negative thoughts
1375
01:04:03,877 --> 01:04:06,072
were really running their life.
1376
01:04:06,138 --> 01:04:11,138
And once they get a break,
they're just so happy.
1377
01:04:11,830 --> 01:04:16,830
And also just being able to
offer a class or a safe space
1378
01:04:18,622 --> 01:04:22,184
where people can come
to and just talk about
1379
01:04:22,250 --> 01:04:23,744
what they're going through,
1380
01:04:23,810 --> 01:04:26,341
what they're experiencing
in their practice
1381
01:04:26,407 --> 01:04:27,944
and in their life.
1382
01:04:28,010 --> 01:04:29,475
To me, my practice in my life,
1383
01:04:29,541 --> 01:04:30,934
they're kind of the same.
1384
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,384
I have my formal practice and my informal.
1385
01:04:33,450 --> 01:04:36,728
My formal is when I just
sit and don't do anything,
1386
01:04:36,794 --> 01:04:38,654
but then I have my informal practice.
1387
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:40,744
So as I'm having conversations,
1388
01:04:40,810 --> 01:04:44,051
the moment the conversation turns to,
1389
01:04:44,117 --> 01:04:47,014
"Oh, now I'm not having a conversation,
1390
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:48,757
now I'm having a debate,
1391
01:04:48,823 --> 01:04:51,744
and now I'm not listening to the person.
1392
01:04:51,810 --> 01:04:56,752
Now I'm just trying to get
the person to agree with me,"
1393
01:04:56,818 --> 01:04:59,894
so I practice it in my conversations.
1394
01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:00,784
Throughout the day,
1395
01:05:00,850 --> 01:05:03,774
people report how it helps them,
1396
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:05,374
now just eating meals.
1397
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:08,431
So now as they eat their
lunch or their dinner,
1398
01:05:08,497 --> 01:05:12,148
they're able to be really
fully with the meal
1399
01:05:12,214 --> 01:05:14,404
rather than thinking about,
1400
01:05:14,470 --> 01:05:16,696
so if they're having their lunch,
1401
01:05:16,762 --> 01:05:19,564
they're not busy thinking
about what's for dinner.
1402
01:05:19,630 --> 01:05:21,434
So people are reporting
1403
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,663
just more moments of
satisfaction throughout the day.
1404
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:28,504
- I teach mindfulness,
1405
01:05:28,570 --> 01:05:32,474
and how I encourage people to
use a mindfulness practice,
1406
01:05:32,540 --> 01:05:34,780
is to be able to create space
1407
01:05:34,846 --> 01:05:37,814
from that which we
identify as the observer
1408
01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:41,934
and the endless ticker of
thoughts that are going nonstop.
1409
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,854
So you can be able to
separate yourself from them,
1410
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:47,664
see that, "Oh, I am not my thoughts."
1411
01:05:47,730 --> 01:05:50,044
And just because, like
I mentioned earlier,
1412
01:05:50,110 --> 01:05:52,854
because I'm thinking it,
doesn't mean that it's true,
1413
01:05:52,920 --> 01:05:56,561
and I can see it arise again
and again and again and again
1414
01:05:56,627 --> 01:05:58,994
and I don't have to attach myself to it.
1415
01:05:59,060 --> 01:06:04,060
And that's a skill that is
learned, and it takes practice.
1416
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:08,784
And so meditation is the most tangible
1417
01:06:08,850 --> 01:06:10,934
practice you can do to support yourself
1418
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:14,084
in developing that kind of awareness.
1419
01:06:14,150 --> 01:06:16,354
- Shortly after I was meditating
1420
01:06:16,420 --> 01:06:19,612
or practicing mindfulness
during one of my sessions,
1421
01:06:19,678 --> 01:06:23,634
I just thought of how good I was feeling,
1422
01:06:23,700 --> 01:06:27,704
then I started to think
about how limited I am
1423
01:06:27,770 --> 01:06:30,584
as far as work capacity
with my chronic pain
1424
01:06:30,650 --> 01:06:32,204
and with my vision.
1425
01:06:32,270 --> 01:06:34,624
It's hard for me to just
go to a 9:00 to 5:00
1426
01:06:34,690 --> 01:06:35,684
and sit at a desk.
1427
01:06:35,750 --> 01:06:37,184
I can do it with my vision,
1428
01:06:37,250 --> 01:06:39,644
but factoring in the pain and the vision
1429
01:06:39,710 --> 01:06:41,824
make it very difficult.
1430
01:06:41,890 --> 01:06:44,378
So I was feeling really good.
1431
01:06:44,444 --> 01:06:49,444
And I thought, "I can teach mindfulness."
1432
01:06:50,010 --> 01:06:53,244
It took me six months
to work up the courage
1433
01:06:53,310 --> 01:06:56,864
to even offer the class
at the Braille Institute,
1434
01:06:56,930 --> 01:07:01,064
because of just of my past
trauma of being bullied.
1435
01:07:01,130 --> 01:07:03,654
So just offering the mindfulness class,
1436
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:06,734
that was challenging for me and stressful.
1437
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:10,744
And that's part of the PTSD
as far as me overcoming it.
1438
01:07:10,810 --> 01:07:15,624
And now I can do it, no problem,
as far as going to class.
1439
01:07:15,690 --> 01:07:18,802
And at first, the whole week,
1440
01:07:18,868 --> 01:07:22,204
the very first class I offered,
1441
01:07:22,270 --> 01:07:24,274
that whole week I was anxious.
1442
01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:27,371
Then I started to work on it.
1443
01:07:27,437 --> 01:07:29,724
And the more often I taught class,
1444
01:07:29,790 --> 01:07:31,374
the more comfortable I became,
1445
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:33,434
they call it exposure therapy.
1446
01:07:33,500 --> 01:07:36,826
I was exposing myself
to unpleasant stimulus,
1447
01:07:36,892 --> 01:07:40,116
and I was becoming comfortable with it,
1448
01:07:40,182 --> 01:07:44,504
so that I no longer experience
that stress response.
1449
01:07:44,570 --> 01:07:46,024
And now I can have class
1450
01:07:46,090 --> 01:07:47,844
at the Braille Institute, no problems.
1451
01:07:47,910 --> 01:07:52,910
Just seeing the benefits and
the effects it's had on me,
1452
01:07:53,144 --> 01:07:55,757
I wanna share that with others.
1453
01:07:55,823 --> 01:07:59,211
I want others to overcome
their difficulties,
1454
01:07:59,277 --> 01:08:02,424
their challenges, their struggles.
1455
01:08:02,490 --> 01:08:04,444
For me, it's public speaking,
1456
01:08:04,510 --> 01:08:09,118
or going in unfamiliar
situations or settings
1457
01:08:09,184 --> 01:08:12,380
or maybe having certain
conversations with people,
1458
01:08:12,446 --> 01:08:15,293
but it's a work in progress.
1459
01:08:16,900 --> 01:08:20,534
- So owing to just the
way information shared,
1460
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:22,674
and there's no way to get around this,
1461
01:08:22,740 --> 01:08:26,271
whether it's a flyer,
a website, a workshop,
1462
01:08:26,337 --> 01:08:29,234
a book, a podcast,
1463
01:08:29,300 --> 01:08:33,693
we convey mindfulness when
we're not face-to-face
1464
01:08:33,759 --> 01:08:35,877
through words and concepts,
1465
01:08:35,943 --> 01:08:38,994
and it's in language, cultural language.
1466
01:08:39,060 --> 01:08:40,824
And that means inherently,
1467
01:08:40,890 --> 01:08:42,714
we have all kinds of misconceptions.
1468
01:08:42,780 --> 01:08:46,264
So if you look at the last
couple of Time Magazine covers,
1469
01:08:46,330 --> 01:08:49,714
it's usually a white woman, gorgeous,
1470
01:08:49,780 --> 01:08:52,964
sitting in a lotus position
with her hands like this.
1471
01:08:53,030 --> 01:08:55,884
And the messaging that's unconscious is,
1472
01:08:55,950 --> 01:08:57,249
this is for white people,
1473
01:08:57,315 --> 01:08:59,427
this is for upper-class people,
1474
01:08:59,493 --> 01:09:01,514
this is for beautiful people.
1475
01:09:01,580 --> 01:09:03,674
This is going to make
you serene and peaceful.
1476
01:09:03,740 --> 01:09:06,344
And the person you always
wanted to be around your kids
1477
01:09:06,410 --> 01:09:08,354
or the person you always wanted to be
1478
01:09:08,420 --> 01:09:12,198
to make your friend's husband
jealous or whatever it is.
1479
01:09:12,264 --> 01:09:16,194
And so we have a lot of
misconceptions about it.
1480
01:09:16,260 --> 01:09:18,104
If it's taught well,
1481
01:09:18,170 --> 01:09:19,745
what we start to see is that,
1482
01:09:19,811 --> 01:09:21,664
although the relaxation piece
1483
01:09:21,730 --> 01:09:25,115
is really tangible and
immediately available,
1484
01:09:25,181 --> 01:09:28,874
and the fascination with this discussion
1485
01:09:28,940 --> 01:09:31,704
of what's happening in the world,
1486
01:09:31,770 --> 01:09:32,694
what's happening with this person
1487
01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:34,684
or what's happening with the
psychology of that person,
1488
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:37,634
but like, "Oh, what's
the mechanism of being",
1489
01:09:37,700 --> 01:09:40,004
thinking, feeling, sensing?
1490
01:09:40,070 --> 01:09:41,104
Oh, there's something there to learn.
1491
01:09:41,170 --> 01:09:41,964
That's kind of amazing,
1492
01:09:42,030 --> 01:09:44,354
'cause that can be kind
of exciting right away.
1493
01:09:44,420 --> 01:09:47,564
But one of the early
misconceptions is that
1494
01:09:47,630 --> 01:09:50,155
it's gonna be really
blissful and wonderful,
1495
01:09:50,221 --> 01:09:53,294
and it can be like that quite often.
1496
01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:56,304
And it also can be really
painful, really difficult.
1497
01:09:56,370 --> 01:09:58,064
When I discovered that
I had some prejudice,
1498
01:09:58,130 --> 01:09:59,893
I have some racial prejudice on that roof,
1499
01:09:59,959 --> 01:10:03,974
I saw aspects of my functioning,
they're not flattering.
1500
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,784
And so mindfulness is
about trying to be as real
1501
01:10:07,850 --> 01:10:09,424
and true as possible.
1502
01:10:09,490 --> 01:10:10,974
And that can be uncomfortable.
1503
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:13,153
- 'Cause mindfulness is not enough.
1504
01:10:15,624 --> 01:10:19,020
A lot of people put
too much on mindfulness
1505
01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:22,184
and then they become disappointed
1506
01:10:22,250 --> 01:10:25,614
because it doesn't give
them all the things
1507
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,280
they thought is gonna give them.
1508
01:10:28,139 --> 01:10:31,924
And limited by calling it a tool,
1509
01:10:31,990 --> 01:10:34,704
calling it a practice.
1510
01:10:34,770 --> 01:10:35,884
- There's also some misconceptions
1511
01:10:35,950 --> 01:10:40,604
about having to be a good meditator.
1512
01:10:40,670 --> 01:10:42,421
So one of my first lectures was,
1513
01:10:42,487 --> 01:10:46,014
"Meditation is for noisy
minds and it was overwhelming."
1514
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:47,794
I had to find a new
venue to make it bigger,
1515
01:10:47,860 --> 01:10:49,464
because everyone knows what that's like.
1516
01:10:49,530 --> 01:10:51,554
I can't stop my mind,
I can't stop thinking,
1517
01:10:51,620 --> 01:10:52,387
"I can't meditate."
1518
01:10:52,453 --> 01:10:54,234
That's a huge misconception.
1519
01:10:54,300 --> 01:10:55,424
Here's the good news,
1520
01:10:55,490 --> 01:10:58,406
you don't need to stop your
mind from talking, thinking,
1521
01:10:58,472 --> 01:11:02,614
you just need to try and develop
a stable enough attention
1522
01:11:02,680 --> 01:11:04,644
to it letting your body sensations,
1523
01:11:04,710 --> 01:11:06,882
and just let that thinking go.
1524
01:11:06,948 --> 01:11:09,093
The analogy I like about this is
1525
01:11:09,159 --> 01:11:11,994
the body is more stable like a riverbank,
1526
01:11:12,060 --> 01:11:13,044
it's not moving very much,
1527
01:11:13,110 --> 01:11:14,954
it's just right there,
and you can sit on it,
1528
01:11:15,020 --> 01:11:17,889
you can be in it.
And the river is your thoughts.
1529
01:11:17,955 --> 01:11:19,904
So the river of thoughts,
I'm not trying to,
1530
01:11:19,970 --> 01:11:21,264
when I'm practicing mindfulness,
1531
01:11:21,330 --> 01:11:23,574
dam up that river, dry
it out, gouge it out,
1532
01:11:23,640 --> 01:11:25,274
fill it and stop it anyway,
1533
01:11:25,340 --> 01:11:27,604
I'm letting the river
of thoughts just flow.
1534
01:11:27,670 --> 01:11:30,174
So a misconception about
having to stop your thoughts,
1535
01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,534
prevent so many people
from trying to practice,
1536
01:11:32,600 --> 01:11:34,994
but instead, let those thoughts go,
1537
01:11:35,060 --> 01:11:36,764
and just keep coming back to the riverbank
1538
01:11:36,830 --> 01:11:38,964
and resting in the stillness.
1539
01:11:39,030 --> 01:11:42,054
And soon, you'll find
yourself there more and more,
1540
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:43,264
and able to watch the river
1541
01:11:43,330 --> 01:11:45,974
and know what the rumor is about.
1542
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:51,040
- One of the biggest
misconceptions, and even I had,
1543
01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:56,520
was that I was going to magically achieve
1544
01:11:57,190 --> 01:12:02,190
this lightened, awakened,
realized present state,
1545
01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:07,624
and that it was just gonna last,
1546
01:12:07,690 --> 01:12:09,103
that I was just gonna stay there
1547
01:12:09,169 --> 01:12:12,861
and all my suffering was gonna go away
1548
01:12:12,927 --> 01:12:17,541
and everything was just gonna
be beautiful afterwards.
1549
01:12:17,607 --> 01:12:20,574
And that hasn't been my experience.
1550
01:12:20,640 --> 01:12:25,640
Now, there are moments where I
may experience peace and joy,
1551
01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:28,354
but it's a process,
1552
01:12:28,420 --> 01:12:30,484
just that desire
1553
01:12:30,550 --> 01:12:33,304
to completely get rid
of all of my suffering.
1554
01:12:33,370 --> 01:12:37,797
So like my symptoms, I experience
as far as irritability,
1555
01:12:37,863 --> 01:12:40,438
frustration, nervousness,
1556
01:12:40,504 --> 01:12:44,144
my desire to completely
get rid of those things
1557
01:12:44,210 --> 01:12:46,214
cause more suffering,
1558
01:12:46,280 --> 01:12:48,494
because whenever they would happen,
1559
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:50,760
I'd be like, "This isn't
supposed to happen."
1560
01:12:51,616 --> 01:12:53,664
I'm not there yet.
1561
01:12:53,730 --> 01:12:55,824
I haven't practiced enough yet
1562
01:12:55,890 --> 01:12:58,114
"or I'm not enlightened enough yet."
1563
01:12:58,180 --> 01:12:59,294
That's not it at all.
1564
01:12:59,360 --> 01:13:03,184
It helps me manage my symptoms better
1565
01:13:03,250 --> 01:13:04,654
when they are triggered.
1566
01:13:04,720 --> 01:13:06,684
They don't get rid of them, no,
1567
01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:09,154
it has help me have less of them.
1568
01:13:09,220 --> 01:13:11,344
And then when I do experience them,
1569
01:13:11,410 --> 01:13:15,373
I manage them more effectively,
but get rid of them, no.
1570
01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:17,934
- We're at entry stage right now
1571
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:19,160
where it's become so popular
1572
01:13:19,226 --> 01:13:20,474
that many people
1573
01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:24,274
want to very earnestly
teach and show others,
1574
01:13:24,340 --> 01:13:26,662
because they've had some
profound experiences.
1575
01:13:26,728 --> 01:13:28,594
And at UCLA,
1576
01:13:28,660 --> 01:13:32,121
we've really recognized that
there's a need for the consumer
1577
01:13:32,187 --> 01:13:34,111
to have some way of knowing,
1578
01:13:34,177 --> 01:13:36,474
"How do I know what a good
mindfulness teacher is?"
1579
01:13:36,540 --> 01:13:37,554
I don't know I think about this stuff.
1580
01:13:37,620 --> 01:13:39,688
I don't know how to trust somebody,
1581
01:13:39,754 --> 01:13:41,324
they seem good,
1582
01:13:41,390 --> 01:13:44,164
I like them, is all that is required.
1583
01:13:44,230 --> 01:13:45,031
And so we have the
1584
01:13:45,097 --> 01:13:48,264
International Mindfulness
Teachers Association that's formed
1585
01:13:48,330 --> 01:13:52,154
to help certify certification schools.
1586
01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:53,594
So our school is one,
1587
01:13:53,660 --> 01:13:58,660
the University of California
at San Diego, UCSD is one.
1588
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:01,644
There are many of them,
many programs that certify teachers,
1589
01:14:01,710 --> 01:14:03,674
and we're making this
big grassroots effort
1590
01:14:03,740 --> 01:14:05,554
to get them all under one umbrella,
1591
01:14:05,620 --> 01:14:08,257
to have certain standards that
we can send to the public,
1592
01:14:08,323 --> 01:14:10,414
this person or this organization
1593
01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:12,474
has met minimum competency standards,
1594
01:14:12,540 --> 01:14:14,215
so that we can keep you safe.
1595
01:14:14,281 --> 01:14:18,607
In general, most of the
mindfulness teachers,
1596
01:14:18,673 --> 01:14:21,074
we think of like Jack Kornfield
1597
01:14:21,140 --> 01:14:25,036
or Sam Harris or Joseph Goldstein,
1598
01:14:25,102 --> 01:14:26,636
there are a number of people out there,
1599
01:14:26,702 --> 01:14:28,684
have really public faces,
1600
01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:30,494
and they're very, very much transparent
1601
01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:33,954
about their practice,
their learning communities.
1602
01:14:34,020 --> 01:14:36,484
And so that transparency helps.
1603
01:14:36,550 --> 01:14:37,894
They're part of a teacher's council,
1604
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,834
so they have checks and balances.
1605
01:14:39,900 --> 01:14:41,464
So one of the things we
wanna look for in a teacher
1606
01:14:41,530 --> 01:14:43,714
is that they're not
teaching alone in isolation,
1607
01:14:43,780 --> 01:14:45,794
because then there's no oversight.
1608
01:14:45,860 --> 01:14:48,744
Then there's a chance to step into areas
1609
01:14:48,810 --> 01:14:52,104
where they don't have
competency or potentially abuse
1610
01:14:52,170 --> 01:14:52,984
in terms of students
1611
01:14:53,050 --> 01:14:55,684
who are putting them on a pedestal
1612
01:14:55,750 --> 01:14:57,944
and giving them too much power.
1613
01:14:58,010 --> 01:15:00,384
So I think it's most important.
1614
01:15:00,450 --> 01:15:02,742
There haven't been any, to my knowledge,
1615
01:15:02,808 --> 01:15:05,134
secular mindfulness teacher scandals,
1616
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:07,374
but there have been a lot of
Buddhist teacher scandals,
1617
01:15:07,440 --> 01:15:08,788
again, for this very reason,
1618
01:15:08,854 --> 01:15:10,476
that they haven't maintained
1619
01:15:10,542 --> 01:15:15,234
a council of eyes watching
over them and transparency.
1620
01:15:15,300 --> 01:15:16,780
And that's really the core,
1621
01:15:16,846 --> 01:15:19,614
is to have a kind of transparency
1622
01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:22,874
where a community is participating
1623
01:15:22,940 --> 01:15:25,234
in maintaining the
integrity of the teacher
1624
01:15:25,300 --> 01:15:26,604
so that there's no tendency
1625
01:15:26,670 --> 01:15:29,104
for some shadow side of a personality
1626
01:15:29,170 --> 01:15:31,674
to come out and take advantage of people.
1627
01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:33,174
- The number one thing
1628
01:15:33,240 --> 01:15:35,934
about first getting into mindfulness
1629
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:41,000
is finding a teacher that you
really feel comfortable with
1630
01:15:41,207 --> 01:15:43,314
and that speaks to you.
1631
01:15:43,380 --> 01:15:44,957
One person's experience
1632
01:15:45,023 --> 01:15:48,554
might not resonate with your experience.
1633
01:15:48,620 --> 01:15:50,241
I don't want people to say like,
1634
01:15:50,307 --> 01:15:53,054
"Well, that means
mindfulness isn't for me."
1635
01:15:53,120 --> 01:15:54,914
I made that mistake in a yoga class,
1636
01:15:54,980 --> 01:15:57,804
I didn't really gel
with the yoga instructor
1637
01:15:57,870 --> 01:15:59,457
or I didn't really like their techniques.
1638
01:15:59,523 --> 01:16:02,669
And I just completely gave
up on yoga for a while.
1639
01:16:02,735 --> 01:16:07,114
The key is to really find a
teacher that you connect with.
1640
01:16:07,180 --> 01:16:09,214
I think that is the most important thing,
1641
01:16:09,280 --> 01:16:13,689
and that can be done
either in person or online
1642
01:16:13,755 --> 01:16:18,144
for people who can't afford
mindfulness on YouTube now.
1643
01:16:18,210 --> 01:16:20,447
- There's a lot of different
teachers that are offering,
1644
01:16:20,513 --> 01:16:23,984
posting their guided meditations online.
1645
01:16:24,050 --> 01:16:25,880
Or there are some teachers
1646
01:16:25,946 --> 01:16:28,744
that even offer classes online.
1647
01:16:28,810 --> 01:16:30,774
Once you find a teacher,
1648
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:34,184
deciding to do it in-person
if that's an option,
1649
01:16:34,250 --> 01:16:37,594
and if that's not an option,
then to do it online.
1650
01:16:37,660 --> 01:16:40,224
I suggest to do it in-person 'cause just,
1651
01:16:40,290 --> 01:16:43,372
coming together and meeting and sharing
1652
01:16:43,438 --> 01:16:48,438
has a certain sacred feeling, connection
1653
01:16:49,810 --> 01:16:54,423
that I receive than just online.
1654
01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:57,544
- I love talking about this stuff.
1655
01:16:57,610 --> 01:17:00,734
I think I remain curious
about the thoughts I think
1656
01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:04,204
and how it paints the
landscape of my life today.
1657
01:17:04,270 --> 01:17:08,054
I think that my enthusiasm
supports my students
1658
01:17:08,120 --> 01:17:11,884
and other people and booing
themselves through the process
1659
01:17:11,950 --> 01:17:14,674
of developing something
that works for them.
1660
01:17:14,740 --> 01:17:19,740
And this is why I really
value spiritual community.
1661
01:17:20,510 --> 01:17:24,444
Having people that are
walking the path with you,
1662
01:17:24,510 --> 01:17:27,164
that are practicing the
same things you are doing,
1663
01:17:27,230 --> 01:17:27,997
that aren't gonna tell you
1664
01:17:28,063 --> 01:17:30,604
that it's stupid or crazy
or weird or whatever.
1665
01:17:30,670 --> 01:17:32,198
And I always say like,
1666
01:17:32,264 --> 01:17:34,382
don't tell other people what you're doing,
1667
01:17:34,448 --> 01:17:37,124
leave it for other people
that are also doing it,
1668
01:17:37,190 --> 01:17:38,614
so you don't have to get those seeds
1669
01:17:38,680 --> 01:17:41,974
of doubt or worry or shame in your mind.
1670
01:17:42,040 --> 01:17:44,824
The ability to give zero facts
1671
01:17:44,890 --> 01:17:46,204
about what other people think
1672
01:17:46,270 --> 01:17:50,284
is truly a state of a masterful practice,
1673
01:17:50,350 --> 01:17:52,740
because worrying about
what other people think
1674
01:17:52,806 --> 01:17:56,834
has killed more dreams than anything else
1675
01:17:56,900 --> 01:17:58,934
I've come in contact with
1676
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:02,176
as a counselor, coach, spiritual teacher.
1677
01:18:02,242 --> 01:18:06,518
Really becoming aware of
the thoughts you're thinking
1678
01:18:06,584 --> 01:18:08,594
and that they don't have to be true,
1679
01:18:08,660 --> 01:18:11,618
that you can question them
and that you can replace them,
1680
01:18:11,684 --> 01:18:15,144
that is the biggest aha moment
1681
01:18:15,210 --> 01:18:17,884
for most of the people
that I've worked with.
1682
01:18:17,950 --> 01:18:21,626
The understanding that
they can change their story
1683
01:18:21,692 --> 01:18:24,184
and they can release the past,
1684
01:18:24,250 --> 01:18:28,725
that they don't have to be
victims of the narrative
1685
01:18:28,791 --> 01:18:33,484
or the inheritance of their
family, that's freedom.
1686
01:18:33,550 --> 01:18:35,934
It's liberating to know that
1687
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:40,184
you get to choose the
life you'd like to live.
1688
01:18:40,250 --> 01:18:43,854
- You become aware of not
just your cluttered mind,
1689
01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:47,034
but your way of behaving,
1690
01:18:47,100 --> 01:18:50,474
'cause we're constantly leaving an imprint
1691
01:18:50,540 --> 01:18:53,914
with our movement, with our actions
1692
01:18:53,980 --> 01:18:55,241
whether we want it or not.
1693
01:18:55,307 --> 01:18:58,134
And that imprint is not separate from us.
1694
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:02,624
We are connected to the
imprint, we benefit from it.
1695
01:19:02,690 --> 01:19:06,147
So if it's even for the
selfish personal reason,
1696
01:19:06,213 --> 01:19:07,714
you wanna look and see,
1697
01:19:07,780 --> 01:19:10,321
what am I doing that's causing me
1698
01:19:10,387 --> 01:19:15,274
to be unhappy at the end
of the day, unfulfilled.
1699
01:19:15,340 --> 01:19:18,774
- This is what I've been
looking for my whole life.
1700
01:19:18,840 --> 01:19:21,834
I found it going inside.
1701
01:19:21,900 --> 01:19:24,294
I didn't find it going outside of myself.
1702
01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:26,737
I didn't find it getting a certain job
1703
01:19:26,803 --> 01:19:31,496
or going to school or
accomplishing something,
1704
01:19:31,562 --> 01:19:35,840
I found it just in the
backyard after a yoga session,
1705
01:19:35,906 --> 01:19:37,914
and following my breath.
1706
01:19:37,980 --> 01:19:40,654
And it was just very profound.
1707
01:19:40,720 --> 01:19:45,503
Now that I'm able to
access that peaceful state,
1708
01:19:46,700 --> 01:19:49,281
that state of calmness,
1709
01:19:49,347 --> 01:19:52,124
I really wanna sh,
1710
01:19:52,190 --> 01:19:55,144
it's no good me keeping it to myself,
1711
01:19:55,210 --> 01:19:56,864
because I'm surrounded by others,
1712
01:19:56,930 --> 01:19:59,264
and I see a lot of suffering in the world.
1713
01:19:59,330 --> 01:20:04,034
One of my favorite gurus is Ram Dass,
1714
01:20:04,100 --> 01:20:05,623
who just recently passed away.
1715
01:20:06,610 --> 01:20:08,504
And I've read several of his books.
1716
01:20:08,570 --> 01:20:12,924
And one of his favorite sayings he has
1717
01:20:12,990 --> 01:20:15,871
or my favorite saying is that,
1718
01:20:15,937 --> 01:20:19,054
"The best way to solve any problem
1719
01:20:19,120 --> 01:20:21,994
is with a quiet mind and an open heart."
1720
01:20:22,060 --> 01:20:27,060
So my practice now is quieting
my mind and opening my heart.
1721
01:20:42,078 --> 01:20:44,911
(energetic music)
128748
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