Original subtitles

(♪ Upbeat music)

(Dutch) Time to look busy, boys.

Here's another sucker for G.I. Joe.

- Hey, Captain. - Dave. How you doin'?

- Came for that part. - Yeah?

- Is that your new rig out there? - Yeah.

Boy, that's a beaut. Bet you got a few bucks tied up in that one.

(Dave) Um... about 200 thousand.

- (Captain) Whoa. - (Dave) Most of it it's in computer gear.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

I know somebody we could pawn that off on.

Yeah...

- What? - That computer, you idiot!

What, do you wanna spend the rest of your life here?

I bet you'll be able to afford that.

Thanks. I'll send you a check.

Well, you've always been good for it.

All right, guys, I got a plan.

- A plan? - Yeah, a plan. And it cannot fail.

Listen, what we gonna do is...

(♪ Rock music)

(Announcer) 'Here's ten tons of bone-crushing metal machine.

'You don't wanna get in this guy's way. He's mean!

'No, sir. You don't wanna be in front of this guy when he's mad.

'I don't know what he's got under the hood of that beauty.

'He's been working in secret lately.

'But whatever it is, it's doing the job.

'Mr. Twister, ladies and gentlemen,

'from Wausau, Wisconsin, driven by Dave Kokawski,

'the big winner from last year's Monster Crush Derby.'

Stop it!

- Give me that! - Oh, look!

- Get down there and check that out. - Why me?

- Because I said so. - I can't.

Why not?

Because I split my pants.

Idiot!

Get down there and check out the van.

- Me? - Yes!

I wanna watch the trucks.

Will you get going?

Man, that was some stunt.

This sucker drove itself.

Never laid a hand on the gear shift, the steering wheel...

You sure did one hell of a job controlling it.

Um... what do you mean?

All I did was integrate the artificial intelligence system

with the internal logic unit.

My, enough of that computer talk.

You know it only gives this cowboy a headache.

What do you say we take a walk down the midway and get something to eat?

- OK. - I'm starved.

Damn it! The computer in there is worth a lot of money.

And we can't even touch it.

I can fix that.

What, are you nuts with all these people around here?

Yeah, and what about the burglar alarm?

Alarm?

How come you didn't tell me it's got a burglar alarm?

It does have a burglar alarm?

Oh, yeah... Kelly just told me.

Shut up! Shut up.

All right. All right, I got it. I got a plan.

It cannot fail.

We'll get the keys. Come on.

What keys?

Man, Sherry, that was some stunt. What a ride.

The computer really worked, did everything you said it would.

Sort of. It's... been...

- Do you wanna pick-pocket them? - What pocket are they in?

Just don't worry about it.

You just bump into her and distract her.

Bear? You go for the left pocket, I'll go for the right pocket.

Um... if I'm standing behind 'em,

um... is the left pocket on my right or my left?

Just remember, this is always your left hand.

Right!

Come on, let's go.

Hey!

I pulled into the lot and there was no one behind the wheel.

You should have seen the look on their faces.

- Man, I wanna do this my way. - No! We'll get 'em my way.

Now, let's go, Dutch.

If I get on that thing, I'm gonna throw up.

All right, you stay here and keep a watch-out.

Come on, Bear, it's you and me.

But I don't wanna throw up.

Did you get 'em?

I got 'em. I got the keys, Kelly.

I did my job. And she'll never know they're missing.

Cos I took that rock you gave me and I put it right in her pocket.

Looks like come Sunday you'll be disinherited.

He may not like your profession but he almost likes you.

Well, Mega Bucks is never gonna approve of his daughter marrying a cowboy.

A mechanic and a stunt driver who makes his living with an overgrown truck.

He already approved. He just hasn't quite accepted.

I'll see you Sunday.

Might not have time, supposed to go to a wedding.

You better not be late for that wedding.

(Dutch) We should have done it my way!

Why the hell wouldn't you let me do it my way?

(Kelly) Get outta the way, Bear. Would you let me open the door here?

I've got another plan.

We gotta get to a place where we can plan this out and work at it.

Hey! Hey, stop! What are you doing?

- (Dutch) I'll drive, I'll drive. - Will you get out of the way? Stop it.

Oh...

It looks like come Sunday I'll be Mrs. Twister.

For the honeymoon, there are some advantages in being Mrs. Kokawski.

How do you spell that?

(Kelly) Come here, Bear. Put it right here.

- (Bear) Where? - (Kelly) On the door handle.

(Bear) Oh, there!

(Kelly) Good, good. Now, who's got the lighter?

- Give it to us here. - (Dutch) I got the lighter.

- (Kelly) Come on, come on. - (Dutch) It's lit.

- (Kelly) What was that? - (Dutch) That was real pretty, Bear.

Is this the best you can do?

Maybe I should get... the big one.

Yeah, you do that. Go get the big one.

(Coughing)

(Repeated beeping)

Twister needs me.

Let him get his own girl.

Or better yet, how about a Mazda BRAT?

That's a cute little truck, a sexy two-seater.

Sometimes I wonder which side are you on.

Well, if I'm on the left side...

Just shut up and get inside.

- (Dutch) Shh. - (Kelly) Shh!

(Dutch) There ain't no van in here.

Well, then look for the computer.

Well, this is obviously a multiple component system

which requires that the truck have on-board operative logic and terminal.

Hey, you got change for a twenty?

All right, Bear, open the door.

(Repeated beeping)

You don't understand, something's wrong.

Gimme the lock picks.

- What lock picks? - We got lock picks?

- I can fix this. - Yeah, boy Bear. Take out the window.

Wow! Look at that!

All right, boys. Something ain't right here.

Let's get outta here.

I guess Twister fixed it.

Twister fixed it?

Listen, no matter how much I like that truck

and no matter how much love and electronics you put into it

it's still only a truck.

That's not true.

The artificial intelligence I put into it, it will be like you and I thinking.

Oh, yeah? No one has ever accused me of thinking.

Well, you've had a few good thoughts.

I hear you asked one hell of a girl to marry you.

That was a good thought. Here's another one.

(♪ Country music)

Man, I don't know, Kelly.

Hey, don't do that.

- Will you pay attention to this? - OK.

There'll be no problem.

We'll just forget about the damn computer and go straight for the girl.

- Kidnapping a girl? I don't know- - A girl?

There ain't gonna be no trouble, and will you pay attention?

Yes, Kelly, you are the boss.

I'm glad you finally understand that.

This is our chance, guys, for the big bucks.

We can split and get outta here. So no screw-ups!

This plan cannot fail.

My name's Bear. I'm a Scorpio.

That's nice.

Congratulations. Seriously, Sherry.

Thank you, Annie, thank you.

(Bells tolling)

OK. They're getting ready to leave now.

It's definite.

(Bells continue tolling)

Ready.

Bye.

It's a big van with a silver stripe across the middle.

If they go north, I got 'em.

If they go south, I got 'em.

Now follow my plan, guys, it cannot fail.

- Kelly? - Yeah?

Is north if they make a left or a right?

Well, are you facing east or west?

Hey, if I'm on the same side of the street as the church

but left of the sign... am I facing east or west?

You idiot! The sun always rises in the east.

Don't give me the left of the damned sign!

'Give me some directions here!'

Well, what are they doing now?

I don't know.

Why don't you know?

Because the van ain't here.

Well, which way did it go?

I would've known, but... I was looking at the sun.

I'm gonna cross the street to find north.

All right. All right, you guys.

Start hitting the side streets, find that van.

You hear me? Find that van!

I got 'em, I got 'em!

They're on First Street, turning west on Route 64.

(Kelly) 'Are you on 'em?

'Are you on 'em?

'Damn it, answer me!

'Bear, where are you? Are you awake?

'You guys are supposed to stay on the radio.

'Now where are you, Bear? Never mind, I just saw you.'

(Bear) 'Well, I didn't see you.'

(Kelly) 'That's because I'm behind you.'

(Dutch) 'Well, I'm behind the van.

'I thought I was behind the van.'

(Kelly) 'How can you be behind the van if you're in front of me?'

(Bear) 'I thought I was in front of you.'

(Dutch) 'Now I'm behind the van.'

(Kelly) 'You just crossed in front of me.'

(Bear) 'No, Kelly, that was me.'

(Dutch) 'The van is going right down Front Street.'

(Bear) 'I don't know where I am.

'I see you now, Kelly.'

(Kelly) 'I see you, Dutch. And I see you, Bear.

'But I don't see no van.'

(Dutch) 'They turned west, Kelly.'

(Kelly) 'Did you say west or left?

'Well, turn around, they must have gone the other way.'

(Dutch) 'What's Bear doin' standing on the street?

(Kelly) 'Why are you asking me stupid questions?'

(Dutch) 'He's nuts. I'm tellin' ya, he's nuts!'

(Bear) 'I don't think that way about you.'

(Kelly) 'Where are you going now?'

(Dutch) 'I don't know.

'They're not on Main Street.

'I'm going east.'

(Kelly) 'Bear, where are you now?'

(Bear) 'I'm in my car, just like you told me.

'And I got 'em.'

- (Kelly) 'You do?' - (Bear) 'Yeah, they're right behind me.'

(Kelly) 'Don't let them know you're following them.'

(Bear) 'But Kelly, I'm not following them.

'They're following me.'

Good job, I'm three minutes behind you. Now, don't lose 'em.

'Are you sure it's the right van?

'Dutch, are you where Bear is?'

I'm stuck at the road construction.

But they turned north on Highway 17.

I'm right behind 'em, Kelly.

Kelly, they just passed me. I am on Route 17.

Well, which way?

Er... left!

No. Um... north. They are headed north.

All right, plan two. Implement plan two.

Now, this one cannot fail.

'Bear, remember what plan two is?

'You sure that was Route 17 and not 71 ?'

(Bear) 'Sure I'm sure, cos I'm passing them right now.'

(Dutch) 'Well, he did remember what plan two is.'

(Kelly) 'Make sure to get far enough ahead of 'em for this to work.'

- I am now lying down. - (Kelly) 'You know what to do?'

What's there to know?

(Kelly) 'Just don't move or they might figure it out.'

- Come on. - I'm coming, Pop.

- Come on. - Why, he's a big one.

Huh, he sure is.

Lookie here.

There's another one.

Who the hell are these people?

You idiot, answer him!

Who are these people?

I don't know. Who are these people?

- What the hell is going on around here? - Shut up. Just shut up!

Back against the car. Get your hands up, get 'em up.

Now what, Kelly?

You better take care of the van so they can't go nowhere.

Cover 'em.

- Bear, get their money. - What money?

Hey, that's a new vehicle! What the hell are you doing to my van?

- Shut up! - That will fix the old fart.

Bear, get their money.

Here, take this, you burn!

(Pop) Ha, that showed him, Ma!

(Laughs)

Oh, my tire!

Another plan that couldn't fail, huh, Kelly?

Shut up, just shut up!

Let's get outta here.

I don't understand this. Do you, Ma?

Well, I guess you'd better fix the tire, Ma.

(Dave) Here's to the world's prettiest computer brain.

(Sherry scoffs)

Somehow this is not exactly the honeymoon suite you promised.

Seems pretty cozy to me.

Besides, it takes too long to get to Hawaii

- and we know you don't like to wait. - Oh, me?

Come on, and be quiet, will ya?

We're right behind you, Kelly.

We're right behind you, Kelly.

Will you be quiet?

(Grunts)

Did you hear something?

Only the blood rushing through every vein in my body.

Seriously.

All right, let's take a look.

Nothing out there but an old bear looking to get lucky.

Get down! They'll see you.

- (Kelly) Right, are you guys ready? - Ow!

(Kelly) Get into position.

You come this way, Dutch.

What the hell is that?

(Sherry screams)

- What's going on? - (Dave) I don't know, I don't know.

Get back!

Bear, move your knee! Get in, Dutch!

(Dutch) Come here, honey child!

- (Kelly) Get the girl! - (Dutch) I'm trying.

(Sherry) Get your filthy hands off of me!

(Dave) Throw him out!

(Kelly) Dutch, will you just get the girl? Come on!

(Dutch) Kelly, help!

Where the hell is she?

(Kelly) Get the girl! Get the girl!

(Dutch) I'm right behind you. We'll be right back with her, Kelly.

Where did that little chicklet go?

(Bear) How are we gonna find her in the dark?

(Dutch) We're gonna call for her. Here, chicky, chicky, chicky!

Let's split up.

(Bear) Right.

(Dutch) Come on, chicky baby. We ain't gonna hurt you.

(Bear) Come to Papa.

Hey, baby, baby, baby. You're coming with me. Drop it!

(Sherry grunts)

Come on!

(Muffled grunts)

(Kelly giggles)

See, boys? Told you this plan could not fail.

She's really pretty... but I don't like this.

Come on, let's write the note.

- What note? - The ransom note, you idiot.

This little lady here is worth a million bucks.

Oh, and she's a fighter too.

- I thought she was a computer expert. - Shut up.

Shit!

(Computer beeps)

Computers. When they're working, they're great.

Otherwise, just a pain in the ass-.

Where the hell is the disconnect?

(Twister) 'There is no disconnect,

'and it seems we have a problem.

'Dave, don't bother to look for the source of my voice.

'You should know I'm a very sophisticated piece of equipment.'

Twister, is that you?

- 'Is there someone else with us?' - But you never talked before.

'It's the latest from my inventor.

'And up to now, you were doing things proper.

'Before, you never invoked or triggered my logic system.

'Now, I'm sensing trouble. You're acting like a hunter.'

My wife's been kidnapped

and I'm wasting my time being insulted by a computer?

I'm getting my gun and getting her back.

'She is my creator. She is the one who cares for me.

'Your plan will only endanger her.

'My intelligence quotient, IQ that is,

'makes me eminently more qualified to plan the proper strategy.'

What does your artificial intelligence say I should do?

It better be going to the bar and getting the information we need.

'It's not artificial. After repeated input, it's superior.'

Well?

'My experience shows that 94.71 %

'rounded out to the nearest 100 of all humans have humanity.

'They are also affected by peer group pressure

'and an unexplained desire to do good.'

So?

'Go to the bar, tell the friends of these perpetrators

'what has occurred and solicit their warmth and support.'

(Sighs) Artificial intelligence, my ass!

Listen, lame-brain breath, if I walk in that bar with that, they'll throw me out.

'My intelligence systems are functioning properly.

'The probability of success is 94.7%.'

(♪ Country music)

'Now, remember what I told you, how to do this.

All right, all right.

Stupid computer.

'I heard that, Dave.'

Just get back.

I just hope we can.

Oh, you animal, I'm not like that!

(Man) Hey, it's my night, remember?

Hey, shithead! Later, OK?

- How about both ways? - OK.

Oh, thanks.

Excuse me.

I need some information.

This guy needs some information.

Did you hear that? This guy needs some information.

What the hell are you doing? Get back!

'I do not understand the need for that instrument.'

I do! Don't you have anything else to do?

Why don't you go crush a car or something?

(♪ Upbeat music playing)

(Crowd cheering)

C'mon! Take it off! Take it off!

Is that all you got? C'mon!

C'mon, baby!

Get funky!

♪ We all feel happy when we hear that beat

♪ Cos you're my lover even in my dream

♪ You crazy lovers kiss the morning sky

♪ Harder than you and I

♪ Love birds

♪ It's just the two of us

♪ Love birds

♪ I need to feel your touch

♪ Love birds

♪ I want you oh so much

♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby

♪ Love birds

♪ We've been rising with the morning sun

♪ And we're together when the day is done

♪ I stroke your feathers while you do-do-do

♪ Oh, baby, me and you

♪ Love birds

♪ It's just the two of us

♪ Love birds

♪ I need to feel your touch

♪ Love birds

♪ I want you oh so much

♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby

♪ Love birds

♪ 80 won't you come and share my lover's nest?

♪ When you're with me, you can forget the rest

♪ We'll twist together till the break of day

♪ Ooh, baby, that's the way

♪ Love birds

♪ It's just the two of us

♪ Love birds

♪ I need to feel your touch

♪ Love birds

♪ I want you oh so much

♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby, b-b-b-baby

♪ Love birds ♪

(Cheering and applause)

We're doing it my way now.

'I don't know why I put myself at the mercy of these humans.

'Their thinking is all wrong.

'I guess I'll just have to wait it out.'

(Overlapping chatter)

Move and I blow his head off.

Blow it off, I owe him money anyway.

- This doesn't scare you? - No.

How about this?

Now, you have to the count of three to tell me who has her.

One...

I don't know.

Two...

All right, man, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.

Now, I got a plan but I need your help.

First, I'm gonna go to Sherry's dad.

See if you can get some sleep.

Oh, what am I saying?

I received the same note.

There's only one choice: I'll pay the ransom.

If you pay, they'll kill her to eliminate a witness.

Give me some time. Let me do it my way.

Stay out of this, she's my daughter.

Listen, she's my wife.

You got two days but you damn well better be right.

(Timer ticking)

'Dave, do you think he knows we're following him?'

You idiot. How could anyone miss you?

- 'Where is he going?' - We'll find out soon enough.

- 'Which way?' - You're the brain, you tell me.

'Straight ahead.'

(Chickens clucking)

Scoot! Scat! You've got to get!

This here is Friday night. This is my night with my man.

OK, chickies, what do you think?

After a month of empty Friday nights

do you think my man is gonna be a real man for his woman tonight?

- I bet he his. - (Vehicle approaching)

Oh, honey, you're in such a hurry.

Does that mean you're gonna love me tonight like maybe...

please, baby, like in the truck stop outside of Milwaukee?

Have you... have you seen or heard anything?

Just the thumping of my heart.

- We're going inside now. - OK, Perksy!

'There is a 30% probability that I was correct.'

(Dave) I don't wanna hear probabilities. Let's just find him, huh?

I'm sure I'm being followed.

Well, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth.

- Do you hear something? - I told you, honey, it's my heart.

Now you sit down and relax.

Mama is gonna take care of you real good.

You got anything in the ice box?

Oh...

(♪ Fast-paced piano music)

- (Dave) Now what? - 'I'm working on that.'

(♪ Suspenseful music)

Kelly?

Kelly!

Kelly?

Oh, I can believe that part about you falling in the outhouse.

Ooh, do you stink!

It's that flying truck that I'm having a problem with.

How am I supposed to send you to feed the broad if you smell like that?

It ain't the gentlemanly thing to do.

But I got no choice, so go feed her, Bear.

Me? Well, what do you feed one of them rich women?

I don't know, feed her what you eat.

Remember, if it's canned goods, it's what's in the can, not the can!

That's good, Dutch.

(Scoffs) Another plan that cannot fail.

Huh, Kelly?

Get outta here, Bear.

(Timer ticking)

Er... I brought you something to eat.

Do you want a sandwich?

Er... er...

Well, how about some sour cream and onion potato chips?

They're my favorites.

And I brought a beer.

You're not hungry, huh?

Er...

If I untie you, you promise not to run away?

Promise?

Oh!

I guess you don't like sour cream and onion potato chips.

How many times do I have to tell you not to talk with your mouth full?

All right.

And you haven't told me how do you like my stew.

It's real good, Ma.

Didn't she just get done telling you not to talk with your mouth full?

All right.

Your father and I just love it when you come to visit.

That's great, Ma, but I think I had enough.

Sit down, you haven't been excused yet.

- Pa, I'm 30 years old. - So I'm 29.

And now you're going to have some of my famous blueberry pie.

Ma, I told you, I'm full.

Give him two pieces, Mildred. He knows how hard you worked to make it.

Kelly, does one of your friends drive one of those big Japanese cars?

'Watch your rear end.'

That's your job.

Holy shit, look at that!

This neighborhood isn't safe anymore.

My God!

I hope they back up again.

Argh, I don't believe this! I don't believe this!

Look what you did! You blew up my car.

You idiot, get back here!

I don't believe it, look at this mess. Look at it!

I'm not through with you, you chicken shit! I'm gonna make mincemeat outta you!

Oh, my God!

Ma! Pa! It wasn't my fault.

You just gonna have to get a place of your own.

The sooner the better!

(Kelly) Yeah, we'll get the money out of the old man all right.

Just you wait and see.

But first we're gonna take care of pretty boy and that truck.

But-but how?

Yeah, how? We ain't been doin' so good.

What, are you both stupid?

First, he went after Bear, right?

Then he tried to get me, right?

- So, who's next? - Me?

Right. But this time, we're gonna be ready for him.

What do you have in mind, Kelly?

How many ways are there to get to the junk yard?

Two.

That's right, two. And the big field.

Right. Now, here's what we're gonna do.

Bear, come here. First thing...

Damn, where is he?

Come on.

Hey, you big heap of junk! Here I am!

Hey, Kelly, here he is!

Come on, baby, baby, baby.

(Giggles)

We gonna get you this time.

Come on, come on!

There! All right.

All right, here I am. Come and get me!

Ha-hah, here I am! Come on!

Come on!

(Dave) What are you waiting for?

OK, remember now,

if he doesn't follow Dutch and go right into the trap like we planned,

- you nail him. - OK, Kelly.

Oh, my car's caught on fire! Damn!

Hey, Kelly... look. I'm Rambo.

(Kelly screams)

I shoulda done it myself!

What the hell is the matter with you?

You just blew up my car, you dumb shit!

Kelly, you've destroyed my truck!

I liked that car, Bear! My daddy gave me that car.

Oh... let's get outta here!

(♪ Fast-paced piano music)

(Dutch) Oh, damn! Here he comes!

(Kelly) Look out!

(Dutch) Wait for me guys! C'mon, don't leave without me!

- Help! - (Kelly) You're on your own, Dutch!

All right, all right. How the devil are we gettin' outta here?

Where are we 'sposed to go?

- Hurry up! - That way.

He won't follow us in here. Let's go!

I need a cigarette!

(♪ Fast-paced piano music)

(Timer ticking)

You OK, big guy?

'How would you feel if your radiator was full of shrapnel, Dave?'

I gotta take a look at you.

'I feel hot.'

(Dave) Yeah, I know, you're smoking.

- Does it hurt? - 'Only when I shift.

Terminate this useless display of circuitry.

'We must continue to look for Sherry.

'Quit poking around under there.

'What are you, a pervert? Get your hands off my undercarriage.'

(Dave) Nobody wants her back more than I do.

I love her.

'Are you suggesting that I don't want her back?

'That I don't love her?'

- Did you say love? - 'Let's just go home.

'You've got me so upset, I'm losing my cool.'

Every shot you've called, Mr. Artificial Intelligence, has been a loser.

Could it be love has clogged your transistors?

You've got emotion flowing through your logic circuit.

'Don't be insulted. I suppose your kind show less emotion

'by threatening people with guns and blowing up buildings.'

No, but I'm just a cowboy,

and I'm supposed to feel emotion when I'm in love.

You are a pile of transistors and circuits.

You're supposed to calculate and think.

'I'll give you something to think about.

'If you don't get me back to the garage, I'll become scrap metal,

'and my creator, and your wife, will become history.'

As soon as I get you back to the garage, you'll be as good as new.

New radiator, gear shift linkage, you'll be your old thinking self.

'I am my thinking self. My logic circuits have never been impaired.'

Come on, I'm only pulling your tire.

(Timer continues ticking)

(Muffled grunt)

(Sighs)

Well, you oughta feel pretty good now.

New radiator, gear shift linkage.

'While you have been doing all that manual labor,

'I have been thinking.'

Why can't you just say you have a plan?

'Be calm, I am only pulling your left.'

It's leg. Nobody likes a smart-ass truck.

What's your plan?

'You know what happened to Bear and Kelly's homes, right?'

Right.

Oh, shit!

Goddamn! Damn thing ain't worth rat shit

I missed him, Kelly. He's coming in.

(Screaming) Kelly!

He's right on my ass!

Come back! Kelly, wait for me!

Hey!

Hey! God damn it! What the hell am I gonna do now?

I'll just hide.

Hell, yeah. Won't find me here.

That's it, that's it!

Bear? Bear, do you know what we need?

- We need the big one. - What big one?

- The boss's big toy. - Oh, that big one.

Yeah, go get it. Go on.

(Dutch) Somebody help. Help!

Is that you, Dutch?

(Dutch) Well, hell yes, it's me! Get me outta here.

Oh, I can't talk now. I've gotta go get the big one.

(Dutch) You gotta...? Get the hell back here, you idiot!

(♪ "Yankee Doodle" playing)

(Dutch) Let me out of here, you dummies!

Bead

(♪ "Yankee Doodle" continues playing)

(Kelly) That's Bear.

Hey, hey...

(Screams)

(Kelly grunting)

(Grunting continues)

Are you comfortable in there?

Yeah, real swell. Now get me outta here!

Now, I think you better tell me where she is.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I think you do.

Oh, yeah... now I remember, er...

It's an abandoned mineshaft, two miles north of town, that's where she is.

Now get me outta here!

Have a nice rest.

Wait a minute, get back here!

Get me outta here! Dutch! Bear!

(Continues grunting)

Get back here! Hey, get me outta here!

Bear! Dutch!

Kelly? Is that you in there?

Of course it's me in here, you stupid son of a bitch!

Get me outta here.

Well, you told me to get the big one.

- You wanna come out? - Yes!

Get your hands off me! Where's... where's Dutch?

Um... he's in an ice box.

Well, let's go get him.

What the hell is he doing in an ice box anyway?

- (Dutch) Help! - (Bear) I don't know.

(Dutch) Help!

(Bear) Maybe he couldn't find the clothes dryer.

(Dutch) Help! Kelly? Bear?

You ain't too bright either, are you?

To the right.

To the right!

You missed him by two miles, Kelly.

He's right in front of you, Kelly.

Oh, boy, we've got him now!

Fire!

There he is!

Fire!

Move it, Kelly.

Put the pedal to the metal, Kelly! We're gonna lose him!

To the right. To the right!

Damn it, to the right!

Ow!

(♪ Fanfare)

Oh, hell, Kelly, now there's a parade.

Wow! Look at all the people!

We ain't got any choice. Just act natural.

Hey, Ducky!

(Dutch) He just turned off Main Street.

Don't hit the girl with the flags!

No... no, left. Left!

(Kelly) I think we're missing another gear and the clutch don't work.

I got no control over this thing!

Some wires must be caught down here or something.

- Left. - Oh, damn!

(Dutch) You almost killed a guy, Kelly!

I know what I'm doing! Don't forget it!

Which way's the car, anyway?

(Dutch) Go, Kelly! And this time, try not to wreck anything!

Who fixed this thing? Nothing works up here.

Kelly, are we going through a house now?

Now it's gonna be jail for sure.

We got him now! Fire!

Damn sure we're going to jail...

(♪ Fast-paced piano music)

(Man) Hey, hey! You're going into my pool!

No, back! Get away from my pool!

Hey, get away from that laundry. I just hung that up.

Oh, shit!

Oh, damn, Kelly! Try driving better!

Oh, I'm gonna get you, you son of a bitch.

Whoa!

Nothing works down in here! I thought you fixed this thing.

(Timer ticking)

- (Dutch) Oh, no. - (Kelly) I gotta stop for a second, guys.

What's your problem?

'My nerves are shot.'

I didn't know you had any.

'I do, but there's a truck crusher behind me.'

What, you want a Valium?

I guess we lost them.

Let's go around this sand pile and back out the way we came in.

Well, we lost 'em, Kelly, thanks to your driving.

Shut up, Dutch! You wanna drive this thing?

This is about the most ridiculous damn thing I have ever done in my life.

But I like it. But can I drive now?

Don't be ridiculous.

Shut up, the both of youse! Trying to read this manual here.

There he is, there he is!

- Come on, boys, let's go. - Get him, Kelly!

(Bear) Dutch, slow... Whoa!

(Dutch) Right, charging around the corner.

He's gotta be right around the corner. He's gotta be right around the corner!

Where the hell is he?

Oh, there he is! Go, go!

- Well, turn it! - (Kelly) Which way?

(Dutch) Oh, damn! You just blew up the engine, Kelly!

(Kelly) Nothing works down here. It ain't my fault!

Faster! Go!

He's on the other side of the barn.

Now, get him!

(Kelly) All right, hold on, boys. It's about to get rough here!

Twenty more years!

They can't nail us for this. It's not even our tank.

Besides, I think it's got something to do with habeas electi.

Does that mean we can't have children?

We're screwed!

Life... life without parole. Just... life.

(Timer ticking)

Oh, thank God!

Dave, hurry!

- Come on! - I'm coming!

There, see? I told you we'd get here first.

And what's the matter with this stupid thing?

I'll check it out.

(Bear) Maybe we ran outta gas.

You think you know everything.

- (Dutch) Hey, Kelly? - What?

We're outta fuel.

All right, fine, you stay here. Hey, just go and get the girl. Come on.

OK.

All right, I'll stay here and wait for that cowboy

with that damn truck.

Hey, Kelly!

The dynamite!

Get back here! You guys only got nine seconds left.

Come back! Come back! Kelly!

Kelly? Kelly?

Bear, what are you doin' up there?

Oh... just hanging around.

Well, get down from there. You've got a score to settle.

(Coughing)

I don't understand it. This plan should have worked.

(Both) But it didn't.

And now we're gonna have to take care of you, Kelly.

(Screams)

'All's well that ends well.'

- (Sherry) Oh, Twister! - (Dave) What are we gonna do with you?