Original subtitles

MAN ON PA: The Atlantic and Southern Pioneer leaving at 9:15.

Gate 4 is now open for Pullman and coach passengers.

MA: (WHISTLES) Come on!

MAN ON PA: Your attention, please.

Come on, kids.

The Saint Louis Flyer now arriving on Track 8.

(MEOWING)

(DANGER BARKING) Oh!

Who did that? I don't know, Ma. What's the matter?

(BARKING)

(SCREAMING) (YOWLING)

Stop him! Stop him!

Stop Danger!

(BARKING CONTINUES)

(SCREAMING) Get him! Hold him. Stop him.

Stop him! Help her!

Oh, no! Stop him!

(SCREAMING)

Oh, help her!

(MEOWING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Stop him!

MAN ON PA: Your attention, please.

You shouldn't have oughta done that, Danger.

Ma, are you all right? The Arkansas Argonaut

leaving on Track 16 at 9:00.

That's us. Get me on my feet, kids.

The Arkansas Argonaut leaving on Track 16 at 9:00.

This is the last call.

I'll take Danger.

AW, gee, Ma!

Since I bought the tickets, I'd like to ride to the Ozarks,

not run to them.

Just can't ride facing front. Makes me dizzy.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Oh! Oh!

Sorry, mister. I'm Ma Kettle.

Pleased to meet you.

Unharness yourselves, kids.

Be little ladies and gentlemen.

Find places to sit.

Here, Ma.

Come out here.

Oh, I'll take Jenny.

(CLUCKING) GIRL: How's Jenny, Ma?

She's a good traveler.

(DANGER BARKING)

No animals in the car.

Absolutely no animals allowed.

(WHIMPERING)

That dog must go.

(CONTINUES BARKING)

(WHIMPERING)

Now that's all right. You can keep a bird in a cage

as long as it's covered, but absolutely no animals.

(EXCLAIMS)

The dog will have to ride in the baggage car.

Oh, Ma! (SHUSHES)

It's the rules!

Could you put this up here, please?

(CLUCKING)

A chicken's a bird. Ain't it?

Sit down, Janie.

(WHIMPERING)

Sure have to cart a lot of stuff

travelling with 13 kids.

So long, Danger.

We're going to Mournful Hollow. That's in Arkansas.

We're gonna visit my husband's brother, Sedgewick Kettle.

He lives on a farm.

It's a nice, big place.

Sedgewick and Pa, that's my husband,

they was willed it by their father.

But Sedge runs it.

Not very good though. (SOFTLY) Janie!

Wouldn't you like to sit with the other kids, Janie?

JANIE: No, Ma.

The bank man wrote Ma and Pa a letter.

He wants to take Uncle Sedge's farm away.

That's why we're going to Mournful Hollow.

MA: Financial matters get in such a mess,

but I figure I can straighten things out,

and me and the kids will put that farm

on a paying basis in no time.

Pa's staying home to look after our house in town,

and the farm in Cape Flattery.

Real responsibility having two places.

Pa started to grow a peanut crop this year.

Of course, Geoduck and Crowbar will do all the work.

Pa watches them do it.

(STAMMERING) Pa's kind of delicate like.

He ain't able to do too much.

The bank says Uncle Sedge doesn't do much either.

That's why they want to take his farm away.

Sedge must be sick, is what Janie means.

Tickets. Tickets, please.

Ma's got 'em. She's there.

Oh.

Well, are you all in the same family?

How many of you are there?

Sixteen.

Six... Sixteen?

And who's the youngest?

He is.

And how old are you, little man?

Six and a half.

Six and a half.

Oh! There it is!

Tickets, please.

Tickets?

They're here someplace.

Those are mine, Ma.

I knew they weren't mine.

Well, I put 'em in here. I... I know I did.

Where'd they get to?

Oh, here they are. All 14 of 'em.

Shouldn't there be 16?

No, just four full fares.

For me and Nancy, and Freddie, and Betty.

No, she's half fare.

She won't be 12 till November.

It's Johnny who... No, Ma. Johnny's nine.

One moment!

May I ask how many children you have?

Sure. Sixteen.

And you bought 14 tickets?

Yes. For me and 13 kids.

Why should I buy tickets for Tom and Rose and Elwin?

Are they under five?

Ha! Of course not! They're the oldest.

Well, then, why didn't you buy tickets for them?

'Cause they didn't come with us.

Now, uh...

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Ma! It's raining!

What in tarnation is that?

I guess Billy must've brought Oscar.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

(CROAKING)

Oscar got out of the bottle.

I thought Oscar stayed home with Pa.

I've got him.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, excuse me. I... I thought I had Oscar.

I'll get him, Ma.

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

I'll get him!

I never should've left home.

Sedge or no Sedge.

You comfortable, Sedge?

Well, you might fluff up the feathers just a little, Bedelia.

Mmm-hmm.

Mighty much obliged to you.

You are extremely awkward.

I think Small Fry could use some help.

Bedelia!

Howdy, Bancroft.

Howdy.

Big Trout's gonna kill off that corn sure enough,

putting them dead fish in the ground like that.

Big Trout knows what he's about.

Thank you, Sedgewick.

My people taught corn-raising

to Myles Standish and John Alden at Plymouth Rock.

(LAUGHS)

Maybe that's the way they do it in them foreign places,

but it ain't the Ozark way.

(SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)

This corn will be good enough to sell for seed, Sedgewick.

Hmm.

Ain't gonna do you much good,

if'n the bank takes over your place.

That's right un-neighborly of you, Bancroft Baines.

Me being your sister's intended.

Never mind him, Sedgewick.

Let us hope the bank holds off until harvest time.

If I could just give 'em a little bit on account.

Perhaps your wealthy sister-in-law will lend you the money

when she arrives.

Oh, I don't like to take advantage of my kinfolk,

but I'll think of something.

BIG TROUT: Certainly you will.

That corn ain't no good for seed.

Big Trout's crazy!

But, Bancroft, it is the finest corn in Mournful Hollow.

Fine thing!

My own sister what lives off of me, taking sides agin' me!

Come on! You got the milking and the washin' to do.

'Sides, you ain't done the plowing yet.

Sun's moved, Small Fry.

Howdy, mister.

Well, why the galoshes on a goose?

Well, the eggs got mixed up,

and Gertie was hatched by a hen.

Chickens don't like to get their feet wet,

and Gertie is even fussier.

Them galoshes make her happy.

Is that your cornfield?

Yep. Right nice, ain't it?

Looks like a good crop.

I'm Jack Dexter of the International Development Company of America.

Well, I'm Sedgewick Kettle of Mournful Hollow.

Just call me Sedge.

Mighty glad to make your acquaintance.

Well, I don't mind if I do.

You got a match?

I travel around the country,

buying up crops in the field.

Before harvesting?

Well, if the weather turns bad and the crop spoils,

the farmer gets his money just the same.

Must be mighty nice fellers, doing things like that.

We have to protect ourselves, of course.

The farmer signs an agreement

to do all he can to ensure a good yield.

Well, can't blame 'em for that.

I'll give you $100 to bind the agreement,

and the balance at harvest.

Well, the bank fellers will be glad of that.

Better talk 'em over with Big Trout first.

Who's Big Trout?

Oh, he's a real educated feller.

Come down here to study...

What is he studying?

Cherokee Indians' big trek westward.

Chief Sequoyah slept here.

Either take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

Better have your wife sign these, too.

Ain't got no wife. Just me.

You live here all alone?

SEDGE: All by myself. What about him?

Oh, just a friend, comes around to help me.

CROW: (CAWING) Here he is!

Here he is! Go away, Jimmy. Go away!

(CAWING) Here he is!

What was that?

That was my neighbor Bancroft's pet crow.

He pesters me all the time.

Don't like me very much.

Why not?

Well, a long time ago when I was a young'un,

I got a job working for a revenuer.

You just chopped wood for him.

Yep.

It was enough to make the neighbors all turn against me,

and they never did forget it.

What's all this got to do with the crow?

He's trained to spot revenuers.

When he sees one, he yells, "Here he is!"

Just like he done to me.

Would you like to make some extra money?

Working?

Nothing like that.

I'd like to rent your barn.

You see, my company's working on a secret project,

developing new products from corn.

Too much to ask for $5 a month, or maybe $6?

Could you afford that?

My company's generous. We'll make it $7.

Must have money to burn.

I'll be back with the...

Other fellows tomorrow some time.

Just sign these and we're in business.

Better read it first.

It's just a regular rental form.

Grandpa Kettle says you can always trust a man with an honest face.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Oh, it's you. Excuse me.

Thanks for getting us the berths.

The kids sure need a good rest.

I hope they sleep all the way to Mournful Hollow.

Oh, they don't need that much sleep.

(YELLS) Come and get it!

(KIDS CLAMORING)

Let me in there, kids.

I'm hungry, too.

Madam! I...

Oh, we're just having a little snack.

If you're hungry, dig in.

Madam, it's my duty to encourage train travel.

But from now on, I hope you fly.

What time you say the train is coming in, Bedelia?

3:30. You read the letter, Sedge.

I wonder what your sister-in-law is like.

I hope she's not too uppity.

Well, I don't know. Being from the city and rich, besides.

Being rich, she ain't used to working.

I told you, Sedge, you should've answered the letter.

You could've asked her for the money

and told her to stay home.

Oh, Bedelia, you know how I feel

about borrowing money from my kinfolks.

After all, this place is half theirs.

Well, we'll make the best of things.

Being used to living so fancy,

maybe she won't stay long.

(GRUNTS) Got you fixed up as good as I can.

I'll go get myself ready now.

Before you pretty up,

Bedelia, you'd better harness Sweetnin'.

Mmm-hmm. Sweetnin'!

Sweetnin'! Come on, boy!

Come on, boy! We're going to town.

Come on, Sweetnin'. Come on, honey.

That's got to be Uncle Sedgewick.

(LAUGHING) Nobody but a Kettle would drive an outfit like that.

Whoa. Whoa.

You be my kinfolk?

If you're Brother Sedge, we are.

We're kinfolk. Kind of not what I expected,

but you're right welcome to Mournful Hollow.

Thank you.

I want you to make yourself acquainted with Miss Bedelia Baines.

You might call her my intended.

Well! I didn't know Sedge was engaged.

Glad to hear it.

We've been for 20 years.

Cautious types, ain't you?

I'm not, but he is.

Oh.

You don't look like Pa, but you sure remind me of him.

Brothers got things in common, son.

MA: Pile in, kids. Pile in now.

(DANGER BARKING)

Sedge, maybe I better stop off and see the banker.

Oh, no need bothering them fellers.

I got everything fixed up.

Already sold my corn crop to some city fellers.

Rented my barn, too.

Why, Sedge. You mean you're going to be able to pay

the mortgage off with no trouble?

Sure.

Sorry the bank bothered you.

I didn't want to worry my brother,

in spite of his being so rich.

Rich! Ha!

I see you need catching up with the family history.

It sort of hits you the first time you see it.

Like I said, it's quiet.

You sure there's no one to snoop around here?

Not a one.

Yeah, this is a good spot.

You used your head this time.

Thanks, Professor. This will be the easiest caper we ever tackled.

Our worries are over. There won't be a thing to disturb us here.

Okay, park the stuff.

Ah, it's so quiet it gives me the creeps.

Isolation is exactly what we need.

We like solitary, huh, Professor?

(LAUGHS) (KIDS CLAMORING)

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

Ha! All it needs is Geoduck and Crowbar

and I'd think I was back in Cape Flattery.

(LAUGHS) Oh!

That does it. Just like home.

Howdy, Mr. Dexter. Want you to meet my brother's wife.

Just call her Ma.

Pleased to meet ya.

What'd you say your names was?

This is my boss, the Professor.

That's Benny and this is Joe.

Howdy.

This is a surprise.

Well, it ain't no surprise to me.

I been expecting Ma and the kids.

They come to visit me.

Come on, Ma.

I want to make you acquainted

with Big Trout and Small Fry.

So you made a mistake.

Let's set up operations anyway.

If we're careful, they'll never know what we're doing.

They can't kick us out.

Kettle signed away the crop and we got the lease on the barn.

(BARN ANIMALS BAYING)

(EXCLAIMS) Sure looks familiar.

Go! Get out of here. (CLUCKING)

Shoo! Shoo! Get out!

Get out of here. Go! Shoo!

I told you Ma wouldn't like hens in the kitchen.

No sense moving 'em till we was sure.

Git! Git! Git!

(BLEATING)

Outside, Genevieve.

Company's come.

Kind of foolish to pull all that stuff down, Ma.

It was stacked so neat and tidy.

Everything's got to be in its proper place and in its right place.

(LAUGHS) Grandpa Kettle always said.

I better get this place cleaned up before I start supper.

Well, Bedelia'll be glad to help you.

(sums)

Tarnation!

Gonna fix that one of these days.

(LAUGHS)

Come and get it!

Dear Sir, we thank you

for the fine vittles that Ma's prepared for us,

and I'd appreciate it

if you could make my kinfolk's visit an enjoyable one.

ALL: Amen.

You know, Uncle Sedge says grace just like Pa.

Uncle Sedge and Pa are lots the same.

Don't you think so, Ma?

(LAUGHING) I can see what you mean.

The reason is that me and your pa got our lessons

on your Grandpa Kettle's knee.

You hear that, children?

Look here.

That's your Grandpa Kettle.

He's the dude of the family.

Yeah, your pa was kind of like him.

In fact, he favors him a lot.

Well, the hat's the same.

I think it looks like you.

Aw, shucks no.

Everybody in the family knows I'm the spitting image of Grandma Kettle.

Why do you keep the picture covered up?

Gotta keep things clean, you know.

(RATTLING)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Get away from there!

What are you doing in there, mister? I couldn't see.

We don't want nobody snooping around here. See?

Go on!

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Who did that?

Go ahead, scram. You heard me.

Don't do that. I can't stand it.

Ow!

(KIDS LAUGHING)

(BLEATING)

Help! Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

(GROANING)

Help! Help!

Hang on to this.

(SCREAMING)

Here, haul him up.

Help! Help! Help!

(GROANING)

Uncle Sedge! We can't hang on!

Spit on your hands.

You can get a better hold.

(KIDS CLAMORING)

Take some mending,

but I'll get around to it one of these days.

Hey, you all want us to help you unload that corn?

No, you all... And you kids stay away from that barn!

Benny!

Them city people sure are strange.

Ain't no use in trying to figure 'em out.

Well, I think I'll rest a spell.

Gertie, move over. It's my turn now.

(QUACKING)

What do we need these for?

We're research chemists.

This'll help fool the local yokels.

Ah, who worries about them?

All these people aren't like Sedge. They're no dopes.

And they don't like outsiders moving in here

with this kind of operation.

If the revenue boys stay away,

everything'll go okay.

If these hicks get sore at you,

they can be tougher than any city mob.

Joe, go unpack the rest of the stuff.

We'll get a fire going and we're in business.

Your biggest headache will be getting rid of the mash.

Don't worry about it. We'll bury it in the woods.

We'll have a good fire going in a minute, boss.

(MEN COUGHING)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Uncle Sedge! Uncle Sedge!

Uncle Sedge! Uncle Sedge!

Wake up!

Is it important?

Look! The barn's on fire!

Well, go get the hose and put it out.

And get the other kids to help you.

Come on, kids!

(KIDS CLAMORING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Barn's on fire!

We just saved you.

Stop that! You're flooding it!

What?

Turn that water off.

Disconnect it.

Been quite a dry spell.

Mind if the hogs join you?

Next.

Evening, Bedelia. Got your chores done?

Reckon so. Leastwise till Bancroft

thinks of something else he wants done.

Ouch! I ain't that dirty, Ma.

Sorry, honey. You're done.

If'n you're tired, Ma, I'd be pleased to spare you awhile.

Oh, I'm not...

Why, that's nice of you, Bedelia.

I am kind of tired.

Good night, Ma. Good night.

Just give me a lick and promise.

Ma washed me good before supper.

(LAUGHS)

Good night, Ma. Good night.

Do you like little girls?

Sure do. Little boys, too.

When you marry Uncle Sedge,

you can have lots of kids, just like Ma.

Oh.

Good night, Ma. Good night.

Remember to say your prayers. Okay.

When I was a young'un, just spoken for by Sedge,

I used to say I wanted a whole house full of kids.

Guess we kind of waited too long.

Bedelia, you ever tried pushing Sedge toward the preacher?

Tried lots of times, but Sedge don't want to be hurried into it.

The best thing for Sedge and this farm

is for you to marry him.

He can't take care of himself,

and I can't stay here forever.

Nothing I'd rather do than take care of him

and, oh, this wonderful place.

You know, making a man jealous

is one way of hog-tying him.

Ain't nobody around here to make him jealous of.

That's too bad.

We'll think of something, I reckon.

Another thing that bothers me,

the neighbors never come around.

Ain't Sedge got any friends?

None but Big Trout and Small Fry.

All the others shun him.

Say, is there any way you could fix things,

so I could meet the neighbors?

We could go to the social

at the schoolhouse Saturday.

Good!

Except Sedge won't want to.

We'll all go.

Maybe I can straighten Sedge out with the neighbors.

KIDS: Dear Lord, bless this house and all of us in it.

Bless Pa, too. Take care of him.

Bless Ma and help her

get Uncle Sedge straightened out. Amen.

JANIE: P.S. Please help Bedelia marry Uncle Sedge.

She'd like to so bad.

KIDS: Amen.

Yoo-hoo, Mr. Benny!

Morning, Mr. Benny. I fetched you a present.

Sugar cookies. Baked 'em last night.

If I do say, and who shouldn't, they're right tasty.

I never touch the stuff.

I'll take 'em.

Nice of you to make these cookies for Mr. Benny.

Well, dearie, we got to think of something better than that.

Bedelia, I sure don't like the idea of going to that social.

I wish you hadn't told Ma about it.

You gotta mix with the neighbors, Sedge.

Living like a hermit the way you been doing,

folks get the idea you don't like 'em.

You'll see for yourself.

Folks around here don't wanna mix with me.

Never should've chopped that wood.

(SCOFFS)

Soured you on work ever since, huh?

Ma! Ma! A letter from Pa.

Ah! I hope Pa's all right.

I been kind of worried about him.

(WHISTLES)

(KIDS CLAMORING)

A letter from Pa, kids!

BOY: Read it, read it, Ma.

MA: Give me a chance.

Nice, quiet place.

"Howdy, Ma, Nancy, Freddie, Sammy, Sally, and the rest of you.

"Geoduck is writing what I have to say.

"I and he and Crowbar had a hard day.

"The pigs got in the peanuts, Ma.

"There won't be no peanuts,

"but the pork ought to taste awful good."

Well, pigs is pigs.

Seems that way.

"I'm taking good care of the place

"and there's nothing for you to worry about.

"I got hungry for some biscuits like you used to make,

"but couldn't get the stove to draw.

"Threw in some gasoline.

"Never did get the biscuits that day."

Pa should never try to help with the work.

Something always happens.

One good thing, he don't help very often.

A man's smart to not tackle anything that he ain't good at.

Yeah.

"Forgot to tell you, Ma, kitchen's burned a little.

"There's a new hole in the roof.

"Don't worry about me and the place.

"I'm taking care of things fine.

(SCOFFS)

"Say howdy to Sedge for me.

"Your loving husband, Pa."

Come on, gang!

That was a fine letter.

I'm glad everything is going so good out there.

I'd say Pa was getting along about the same as usual.

Ma, dinner's ready.

Come and get it!

GIRL: Come on, let's hurry.

(KIDS CLAMORING)

Pa and Sedge is sure cut from the same pattern!

Well, this is as good a place as any.

Oh, I hate this part of the job.

This mash has got to be ditched right.

One slip-up here and we're in trouble.

(BUSHES RUSTLING)

(ROARS)

There's a bear! There's a bear in the woods!

You scared of something?

There's a man-eating bear out there!

Oh, they won't bother you unless you hurt 'em.

They only eat sweets like honey and wild berries.

You city fellers got a lot to learn.

Well, gotta put Gertie to bed.

Good fight, Game.

All right, get out there and bury that mash!

I ain't digging holes with bears for company!

Okay, okay! Bring it back here

and we'll bury it first thing in the morning.

Bears! Goats! Gooses with galoshes! Thousands of kids!

A cop would sure look good to me right now!

Come on!

Come on! The coast is clear!

Hey, what's that?

I don't know.

(BUZZING)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(ALL SCREAMING IN PAIN)

Howdy, Bancroft. Howdy.

That some of your pumpkin liquor? Yeah.

Where're them city fellers?

Thought I might sell 'em some.

Well, you oughtn't to be fooling with them hornets.

Got something right here in this jug

that'll make you forget about them stings.

(LIQUOR SLOSHING)

A 'w??-?

Never do favors for strangers,

but you're nice fellers

and I feel sorry for you. Yeah?

Best liquor you ever tasted right in that pumpkin.

Make it in the shell.

You're kidding.

No, he ain't. He's been making it all his life.

How do you do it?

(CHUCKLES) That's my secret.

Only takes a week, and you ain't got no mash to get rid of.

That's the dangerous thing about a still,

getting rid of the mash.

Well, uh, how do you get rid of the pumpkin shells?

Oh, feed it to the chickens.

Makes the eggs right tasty, too. Here.

I'll open it up and give you a taste.

Good morning.

Goodness sakes. You need fixing up.

Well, Bancroft's gonna take care of that with his pumpkin liquor.

Liquor? Where?

In the pumpkin, like I told you.

(LIQUOR SLOSHING)

You ain't got the right to do that!

You ain't got the right to bring bootleg stuff on this property!

I won't stand for any liquor around here!

Ain't nothing worse than a bossy female.

Go on! Git! Git! Go on!

Go on! Hurry up!

I know just what'll take the sting out of those bumps.

It's an old country remedy.

(SNORTS)

Fellers, come on! You're next!

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi, Bedelia! Glad you could come!

Thank you. This here's Mrs. Kettle.

Howdy. Howdy!

Just call me Ma.

Glad to know you, Ma. Happy to know you, Mrs. Kettle.

This is my daughter, Nancy. ALL: Howdy.

I remember your husband, Egbert, well. (LAUGHS)

Egbert moves slower than any boy in the Hollow.

What's he like now?

I think you'd still recognize him.

So you're Egbert's woman, eh?

Got any kids? Sixteen!

Nice, respectable-size family.

Can see Egbert married hisselfa good woman.

Glad Egbert turned out so good.

Not like some I could name.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Bedelia, you seen my grandson?

There's Lafe now, Miz Hawkins. Oh.

Where'll I put the ham, Grandma?

On the table!

Miz Hawkins's about Nancy's age, ain't she?

About, I figure.

How old's Lafe?

23, 24, I reckon.

Just tell me one thing.

How does a 17-year-old girl get to be grandma

to a 23-year-old man?

Real natural.

Miz Hawkins is Mr. Hawkins' third wife.

Other two died from one thing or another.

Lafe's Mr. Hawkins' grandson

by his oldest daughter by his first wife.

Being Lafe's Mr. Hawkins' grandson,

and being this Mrs. Hawkins is Mr. Hawkins' wife,

naturally, she's Lafe's grandma. See?

Kind of.

(LIQUOR SLOSHING)

(FOLK MUSIC CONTINUES)

Run along with the folks, honey, and dance!

Have a good time! Okay, Ma!

I hear you been right friendly to Bedelia.

Why not? Bedelia's a fine woman.

Be glad when Sedge makes her a Kettle.

I don't know why she wants him.

But there's no accounting for other people's tastes.

MA: Are you gonna hold it against Sedge

for something he did 25 years ago?

Well, what's he done since to make us like him?

Sister, if you give folks a chance,

nine times out often you'll find there's plenty in them to like.

Well, maybe our men folk will forget that awful thing he did,

but us women don't let our men forget.

That ain't right.

WOMAN: Us women folk got to stick together.

The way Sedge's been keeping Bedelia here

dangling for 20 years is a shameful thing!

Sets a bad example for the other men.

You all ain't got a right to speak so mean about Sedge.

He is gonna marry me.

Someday.

From the number of the kids in the Hollow,

I'd say Sedge never had any influence on the other men.

If Sedge marries Bedelia,

would you all be friendly to him,

like neighbors ought to be,

and let your men-folks do the same?

Reckon so.

That's sure foolish talk.

Sedge ain't never gonna tie the knot with Bedelia.

You might get a surprise.

All right, folks! Everybodyjoin the ring play!

(PEOPLE CHEERING) Go on, Ma! You're good at verse-making.

Well, what do you do?

Oh, just say anything comes to you. Watch him.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Raccoons a-coming from the hollow

Possums a-coming from the swamp

A hoot-owl called a get-together

All the critters want to stomp

ALL: Hoot-owl called a get-together

All the critters want to stomp

Go on, Ma!

(LAUGHS) Well, if you go first.

Everybody's mighty social

This here is a social night

Sedgewick, dear, don't look so fearful

These good folks ain't gonna bite

ALL: Sedgewick, dear, don't look so fearful

Us good folks ain't gonna bite

(ALL LAUGHING)

I can see you folks is social

('d be friendly if I might

[ain't mean like you been saying

My dam shoes is just too tight

ALL: He ain't mean like we been saying

His dam shoes is just too tight

You sure are a pleasing woman

Would you like to dance a mite?

I'd admire to do some stomping

With the belle of Social Night

ALL: He'd admire to do some stomping

With the belle of Social Night

'Fore I dance with this here feller

There is something must be told

Brother Sedge may not be perfect

But he has a heart of gold

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)

(WOMEN SCREAM)

(ALL CHEERING)

You saved it, Cousin!

Ah, good catch, Sedge! (LAUGHS)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

We should've buried it like the Professor said.

My idea'll work fine, and with less trouble.

(CLUCKING)

(HICCUPS)

(CROWING)

(HICCUPS)

(QUACKS)

(HICCUPS)

(ALL HICCUPPING)

(CROWING DRUNKENLY)

(MOOING DRUNKENLY)

(QUACKING DRUNKENLY)

(CACKLING)

(CLUCKING DRUNKENLY)

(BARKING)

(CACKLING)

(CLUCKING)

(SQUEALING)

(SQUEALING)

(CLUCKING)

(MOOING)

(HICCUPS)

(BLEATING)

(GROWLING)

(SQUEALING)

(CLUCKING)

u-uccuppnwe)

What's going on here?

(MOOs)

(CLUCKING)

If I didn't know better, I'd swear these critters have been drinking.

(LAUGHING)

CROW: (CAWING) Boy!

What a party!

What a party!

(HOWLS)

(SNORING)

(CAWS) Wow! What a party!

BILLY: Ma! A letter from Pa!

Hey, Ma, open it up!

JANIE: What's Pa been doing, Ma?

Well, land sakes, honey! I don't know till I get it open! (LAUGHING)

"Dear Ma and family,

"I got something on my heart

"I'd like to say to you.

"How are you? (CHUCKLES)

"Mighty quiet 'round here, Ma, since you went away.

"Sure miss your bellering out at us,

"and the nights is awful lonely.

"Sure would like to hear

"the hollering of little voices

"and the clumping of growing feet."

What's Pa mean, Ma?

It means your Pa misses us, honey.

Oh, I miss him, too!

SALLY: So do I! BILLY: Me, too!

"But I ain't complaining, Ma.

"Being alone now makes me appreciate

"how nice it is when you're around.

"Maybe you ain't the prettiest woman in the world,

"but you make up for it by being such a hard worker.

"Soon as you get Brother Sedge straightened out,

"please hurry home.

"I sure miss you.

"Your loving husband, Pa."

Uncle Sedge, you'll be lonesome when we go home.

Sure will, honey.

Why don't you marry Bedelia?

Then you won't be lonesome.

MA: You'll be mighty uncomfortable, too.

There won't be nobody to take care of you.

Bedelia'll do for me like before.

Ain't Bedelia told you yet?

She ain't coming around no more.

She's decided it ain't right to work for nothing,

'less she's your wife.

Folks are starting to talk!

Course, once you're married, she can work like a dog

and nobody'll think a thing of it.

You aiming to desert me, Bedelia?

That's right, Sedge. I ain't waiting no more.

Well, why didn't you say you was getting anxious?

You just name the day and we'll get hitched.

Well, the circuit rider's due here Thursday.

Fine. Then Thursday's the day.

Uh, that suit you, Bedelia?

This is so sudden, Sedge!

Well, now, if it's too soon...

But I accept!

That's settled.

Don't say nothing to Bancroft till the circuit rider comes.

No sense letting him have time to start trouble.

Maybe we oughta ask Bancroft's permission.

MA: Not on your life!

(HUMMING WEDDING TUNE)

(SINGING) La da de da da da

Here comes the bride

AH dressed in white

La da de da da da da da

(CLANKING) (GASPS)

I hope we can get this mash buried without no big deal.

We will and we'll start a new batch in the morning.

Bootleggers! (SCOFFS)

They must have had a good laugh when I bawled Bancroft out

for bringing that pumpkin liquor here.

And they seemed like such nice fellers.

Well, I'll send Small Fry to get the sheriff tomorrow.

Sedge, that agreement you signed,

did it say what they was going to use the barn for?

I don't know. I didn't read it.

Maybe there's something in it that'll get Sedge into trouble.

Me and Pa owns this place with you, Sedge,

and if the papers get you in trouble,

we'll be messed up in it, too.

I don't know, (STAMMERS) what're we gonna do, Ma?

The first thing we do is to find out what the papers say.

Them folks around here find out

that I been outsmarted by them city fellers,

I'll never be able to live down the disgrace.

Bancroft would have a good reason to stop the wedding.

We'd all be disgraced,

but we ain't gonna be!

We know you got a still in there.

So? What do you think you're gonna do about it?

Get the sheriff, that's what.

Ah, now, you wouldn't want to do a thing like that, partner.

Partner?

Sure, didn't you know?

The agreement Sedge signed lets me use the barn for anything I want.

You raise the corn, we process it.

That makes us partners.

I want to see that paper.

Ah, no, I couldn't let you do that.

You've gotta show it to us!

I don't gotta do anything.

All you've gotta do is keep your mouth shut.

And I don't want to hear anymore talk about sheriffs, either.

(BLOWING TRUMPET)

Howdy, Miz Tinware.

Howdy, Sedge.

Howdy, Bedelia. Howdy.

I guess you'd be Sedge's sister-in-law. I heared about you.

Howdy.

Any news around the mountains, Miz Tinware?

Nothing much.

The usual courting, fighting, and birthings, 'cept the revenuer.

He's been nosing around town lately.

Revenuer?

Figure he's on to something?

Ah, revenuer thinks there's a gang of city men

operating a still here in the mountains.

No outlander could work a still without our folks finding out.

Seems so.

Are the revenue officers sure?

MIZ TINWARE: They ain't certain.

But they're gonna search the whole mountain,

starting at Laughin' Creek, way over to the other side.

Hear tell they're going to work their way down to Smilin' Valley,

over Sober Peak,

then across to Frownin' Lake.

Then over to Mournful Hollow.

That's right, winding up at Weepin' Springs.

How long do you figure it'll take them to reach here?

MIZ TINWARE: Oh, about a week.

Don't you think so, Sedge?

Well, I figure so, unless they detour around Shriekin' Falls.

(STAMMERS)

Excuse me, Miz Tinware.

You know, all of a sudden I feel right poorly.

You meet up with the circuit rider lately, Miz Tinware?

Well, uh, not lately.

But I'm sure to run into him somewhere around.

Got a message you want me to deliver?

(STAMMERS) Oh, it's a secret, Miz Tinware,

but me and Sedge is gonna get married,

soon as he comes around on Thursday.

Oh, that's fine! It's about time, too.

If'n I run into him, I'll tell him.

Oh, you'll be needing some of my wares for sure now!

I worried all night, Ma.

I'll be the first Kettle to ever be a jailbird.

They'll let you off on accounting you're a woman

and having so many kids to take care of,

but... You ain't gonna be no jailbird!

We'll find away to outsmart those skunks yet.

You know, you just give me an idea.

I'm-a going out and find Big Trout and Small Fry.

Got to finish my breakfast first, though.

I don't know about this idea of yours.

Skunks are like bombs.

Once released, they're difficult to control.

You got a better idea?

JOE: What's that? BENNY: Ah, they're cats.

PROFESSOR: Get 'em outta here.

BENNY: What's that smell?

PROFESSOR: (EXCLAIMS) They're skunks!

(ALL COUGHING)

Run up to the creek and jump in.

I'll bring you some soap and towels.

You'll have to burn all them clothes.

I know!

Keep all your papers in there?

All of them!

Where's the glue, Ma?

In the cupboard, over your head.

Too bad we ain't got time to fix a fancy wedding for you.

Just so the preacher gets here and marries us

before they tote Sedge off to jail.

Sedge ain't going to jail!

And you're going to be married tomorrow!

Can you actually believe tomorrow is your wedding day, Bedelia?

Won't believe it till the words are said over us.

They'll be said, all right!

I just wish we didn't have nothing else to worry about.

Ma, would you mind if these fellers sat down for awhile

till the barn airs out?

Okay.

(SCREAMS)

Gonna fix that one of these days.

Dust in it.

That smells good. What is it?

Taffy candy.

The kind you pull? Yeah.

Well, let's see.

I remember pulling taffy once. I was a kid.

Yeah, I remember, Boss. We was in reform school together.

Yeah, that was it. (CHUCKLES)

Shut up!

Ma! What are you doing? Shh!

Nancy, run out and see if the kids are all right.

They went to the woods to pick flowers for tomorrow.

Okay, Ma.

Taffy-pulling's fun!

Of course, you have to know how.

There's atrick to it, all right.

We had a taffy-pulling contest once.

I won!

Is that so?

Well, you probably forgot how by now.

I'll bet I haven't. How about letting us try?

Sure! If you want to.

The candy's about ready to pull now.

Ma, that candy ain't ready to pull yet.

What do you know about it?

I just said it ain't ready to pull.

Here, taste it and see.

(GRUNTING)

(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY) Yeah! Yeah!

Bedelia, take Sedge and sit down.

Everything's gonna be just dandy.

Well, there you are.

Grab it and start pulling hard.

All right, boys. Butter up!

(GRUNTS)

Ah, just like old times, huh, Professor? Ah, yeah!

Hey! Something's wrong!

Oh, no, nothing's wrong with it. Just work it more.

Ooh! This is awful!

Ah, this is worse than handcuffs.

Are you sure? BENNY: You did this on purpose!

Hey, you! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING)

Give me that!

Here it is!

(SCOFFS) There ain't nothing in this to hurt Sedge or me.

You lied to us!

Do you hear that, Sedge?

We gotta get outta here!

(CHILDREN SHOUTING)

Ma, the circuit rider's come!

Sedge!

Well! You're a day early, Reverend.

Yes. I met Miz Tinware.

Glad you got here.

I understand you're the Justice of the Peace, too.

That I am.

There are the bootleggers the revenuers are looking for.

I got here just in time.

I'll take 'em into town right now.

Oh, never mind. We can lock 'em up in the storeroom.

I don't want you leaving now,

until Bedelia is Mrs. Sedge Kettle.

Well, all right.

Good! Then you can be on your way

as soon as you speak the words over Sedge and Bedelia.

(ALL CLAMORING)

As soon as I get a drink of water, we'll start.

Is there time for me to fix up?

Yes, but make it fast. You go help her, honey.

(BOTH GIGGLE) Come on, Nancy.

Now, children, you know those words? ALL: Yes, Ma.

Well, let me get you lined up like we said.

That I will.

Sticky, isn't it?

What's the matter, Reverend?

(MUMBLING)

Avery smart trick, but it won't work.

I had to shut his mouth. Now he's done the same thing to the preacher.

Will it be legal if you hold the book

and I say the words for you?

Kind of like your proxy?

Mmm-hmm.

I'll be his proxy, too.

Watch him, and I'll go get Bedelia.

You and Small Fry can be the witnesses.

Here she comes!

One, two.

ALL: (SINGING) Here comes the bride

Bursting with pride

There stands the groom

A picture of gloom

Lady victorious

He'll run no more

He did his running all before

Bedeli a is the bride

All happy inside

Sedgewick's the groom

With no place to hide

Uh, this ain't exactly the kind of wedding we'd planned,

but I guess it kind of fits into the Kettle way of doing things.

Sedge, pay attention!

As Reverend Martin's proxy,

I'll now begin.

"Dearly Beloved,

"we are gathered together here in the sight of God

"to join together this man and this woman

"in holy matrimony.

"If any man can show just cause

"why they may not lawfully be joined together,

"let him speak up now."

You ain't gonna find anybody around here to object.

"Will you, Sedge, have this woman to be thy wedded wife,

"to live together in the holy state of matrimony?

"Will you love her, comfort her,

"honor and keep her in sickness and in health

"and forsaking all others,

"keep you only unto her

"so long as you both shall live?"

Nod your head! "I do."

"Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband?"

I'm glad to.

"Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?"

You can do that, Big Trout.

I do. Thanks.

"Do you, Bedelia, promise to love, honor, and cherish this man,

"and keep only unto him?"

(ALL SCREAMING)

"With this ring, I thee wed.

"With this ring, I thee wed."

I hope that don't make me married to Sedge, too. (LAUGHING)

You're just the proxy, Ma.

With a wedding like this, who can tell?

"I now pronounce you man and wife."

Time to kiss the bride.

This you can do for yourself, Sedge.

(ALL CHEERING)

He's all mine!

Shucks! It ain't nothing.

Let her find that out for herself.

Thanks, Reverend. Now you can take your prisoners.

Well, Bedelia, you got a husband, and Niagara Falls, too!

(LAUGHING HEARTILY)