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But... What the...?

- Antonio, you can't do anything right. - Always messes up.

- I placed it upside down. - It's hopeless.

There! Look.

TOTO', FABRIZI AND YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY

- Grandpa, remember how it rained? - Wet bride, lucky bride.

Looking back, it all seemed easy,

but the wedding came with so many headaches, screams, and sacrifices.

Especially for Sir Antonio Cocozza,

a renowned pastry maker, the father of the bride,

and for accountant Giuseppe D'Amore, less renowned,

nonetheless an appreciated state official, father of the groom.

It all began a year ago, when Gabriella and Carlo met.

He was studying to become a surveyor, and she was at the interpreters' school.

They met one fine day in May,

at a place where young people usually spend their mornings studying.

- What are you looking at? - Who is that lovely girl?

I'd like to meet her.

Introduce yourself!

- Who did it? - Him.

Forgive me! I won't do it again.

Don't worry about it. Thanks, actually.

- Forget it. - Thank you.

It's true that sometimes in life, all you need is a little push.

And you don't even know where it can take you!

Summer went by, and the tough exam period began.

Carlo started studying intensely.

Love can make you do anything!

The last exams were the toughest. So one day...

Gabriella! Gabriella!

Gabriella, come, I have great news.

- What is it? - I did it!

I did it.

- I got my diploma. - Well done!

Miss!

Miss, what are you doing? You were in a good position.

She is in a good position, with me!

Gabriella! Are you crazy?

- Will you marry me? - Yes!

Thus, all that was left to do was inform their parents.

And that's when the trouble started. Gabriella's father said...

I said no!

I won't tell your mother you got engaged. You must tell her.

We don't know your fiancé. Do you know him?

Of course. He has a diploma, he's nice,

he loves me and he's handsome. - He's handsome?

- Yes. - Now I understand.

- That means he's broke. - How do you know?

Rich fiancés are ugly.

The handsome ones are poor and look for a dowry.

- Carlo is not looking for a dowry. - Oh, no?

- No. - But he must deal with your mother.

With the "gamekeeper".

- Will you tell the gamekeeper? - You're annoying, my child.

- Annoying! Fine, I'll tell her. - When?

Today, tomorrow, in 20 years, on Judgment Day.

- I don't know. - I see.

You're afraid to talk to Mom.

Young lady, don't exaggerate!

What are you implying? That your father doesn't have any authority?

That I succumb to your mother's wishes?

- The word is "succumb". - How do you say it?

- "Succumb". - Don't make me laugh! It's "succomb".

I said "succomb" as a child, everyone does, and you change it.

If you don't believe me, I'll bring the dictionary.

Succumb?

- Marietta! - Yes, sir.

Take this stuff away. Succumb... Succomb...

- May I help you? - Is your name "Succumb"?

- No. - Then take the stuff away.

Succumb? It can't be.

"I succumb, you succumb, he succumbs."

Let me see. You're right.

We no longer understand anything in this post-war period.

Americans have changed everything!

Anyway, I will never succumb to anyone's wishes.

What shoes would you wear with these socks?

- Boots, so you can't see them. - Is that your answer?

A gentleman asks his daughter for advice,

and that's how she responds?

Gabriella, I demand respect for my white hair,

and for your father's red striped socks!

Where are you going? Were you offended?

Incredible. My daughter is offended!

Come here.

Tell me something.

Do you and this young man really love each other?

- Is it serious or just a game? - It is very serious.

Then we must tell your mother.

And do you think she will say yes?

Let's try.

I said no! Don't insist!

Shame on you! At your age! Where are we?

No! I said no, and that's it!

I am in charge of this house!

1, 2, 3... "What, are we at the tavern?"

What, are we at the tavern?

What happened?

Your mindless daughter got engaged.

- With whom? - A man! She wants to get married.

- With whom? - With a man.

- He's a good boy, a surveyor. - It makes no difference.

- You shouldn't have! - She did very well.

- I say no. - And I say yes.

- Take off that horrible tie. - Horrible?

A tie with the image of Nearco, the champion of the hippodrome.

Don't listen to your father. He can't choose ties.

Let alone his daughter's fiancé!

Come, tell me. Where did you meet this boy?

Meanwhile, in the boy's house, everything seemed peaceful.

It seemed!

Daddy will now show you how to solve your problem.

Excuse me, Teresa.

Don't be sad, because there is an assortment here

that you can't even find at the Rinascente store. Look.

What are the coats like this year for little girls her age?

- Single color? - No, printed.

So we'll find a printed one. All you need is in here.

A gray flannel.

A gabardine.

Here, look at this plaid coat.

This is printed.

Remember where I bought it? In Via Nazionale before the war.

It was a bargain. It's still new.

- He never wore it. - Never! I was ashamed.

It will surely look good on you.

It is a woman's fabric.

- So... - Hi.

No need to take it in. Bell bottom is in fashion.

We just need to shorten the sleeves and put on a belt.

Shall we give the old coat to the doorman's daughter?

No. It'll become a vest for me. They're back in style.

We heard the news.

- Your mother told me. - What do you say?

I say that... Excuse me.

At 19 one shouldn't think of such stupid things.

Why? Is there a minimum age for getting married?

No, but a minimum of common sense.

Married at 19? One shouldn't do it even at 40!

How old were you when you got married?

- I was 20. - Then why did you get married?

- Because I was an idiot. - Can't I be one too?

No. In this small family, one idiot is enough.

So let's not discuss it anymore.

So... That one, with a lovely...

- You broke his spirit. - He is like a child.

Let me take care of it.

Look, son, you must heed the advice of someone who knows more than you,

because marriage is not a game.

You can't marry the first girl you meet.

Gabriella is not the first girl I met.

Fortunately! You've talked about marriage since elementary school.

Remember when you fell in love with the teacher?

Dad, you don't understand, you're of a different generation.

Sure, I'm of a generation that doesn't understand a thing.

Listen, kid...

I have a bad habit of smoking, unfortunately,

and I do everything possible to break this habit.

I even hide the cigarettes! Why don't you do the same?

Why don't you young people resist the temptation to marry?

It's a matter of will power.

Come on! What does smoking have to do with marriage?

I'll try to make the connection clear to you.

I don't understand anything, but you're smart,

so you'll understand immediately.

You don't think I'd like to smoke more often

or buy a new coat for your sister?

A family budget has a limit that can't be exceeded.

We made lots of sacrifices

for you to study and graduate.

Now that you've graduated and could start earning money,

..."I am getting married."

Family is a two-way street, give and take, outgoing, incoming.

We've been giving for 18 years, and now you're leaving?

- Alright. Don't worry. - OK.

- You'll have my salary. - Good.

- I'll give up marriage. - Now you're reasoning.

- Where are you going now? - To Gabriella.

- But... - I'll tell her we're not marrying.

- She has a right to know. - Yes, but be polite.

You know...

He could have called her.

There are too many thumbtacks in this house.

Where is it?

Teresa!

Meanwhile, in the other home,

unaware of what had happened at Carlo's

they were waiting for the official visit of the betrothed.

Dad, you're eating all the pastries.

- Everything is ready. - Very good.

- No, Aunties, you must go. - Why?

If the young man sees you, he'll get scared and call it off.

- What? - It's an order!

Don't get angry.

It's better if you keep quiet.

- Your sinking neckline is too much. - I'm fine.

Alright.

Remember what to tell Carlo?

- Dear, I don't have a brain in here. - I've known that for a while.

- It's more than a brain, it's a recorder. - Then please record this agreement:

A long engagement period of a year or maybe two.

Let's make it two years on probation.

- Go! Go hide. - Where?

Under the bed, anywhere. Go!

Dear, you too. Go!

What are you standing there? Go open the door, silly goose!

I must think of everything.

- Come in. - Good morning, Dad.

Good-day. Come forward, son.

Don't be shy. Come.

I won't eat you!

- Carlo isn't coming. - What?

- Carlo isn't coming. - He's not? What will we do?

We prepared pastries, wines, refreshments.

Did you hear? He isn't coming.

- What happened? - Yes, what happened?

We changed our mind. It's too early, premature.

We've decided to go on as is.

- What do you mean? - What does that mean?

- Without any commitment. - How shameful!

We don't send you around with someone who doesn't commit.

Yes, a commitment is needed.

That's too convenient, a man commits, then backs out...

Please, pretend I never told you anything.

- Excuse me. - Tell me what happened.

His father said no.

His father dared say no?

And his wife listened to him? Some men are so lucky.

This is something...

It always happens to me.

- What are you looking for? - My cigarettes.

I never remember where I hide them.

- The living room, behind the radio. - Yes, you're right.

- You shouldn't have told me. - Smoking is bad for you.

But if you don't smoke, you're nervous and it's worse.

Then I should smoke.

No. You should stop smoking without becoming nervous.

You ask for the impossible. It's difficult.

At my age...

Forget it!

Fortunately, I don't have matches.

Therefore...

- Did the mail arrive? - No. I found it over there.

- Would you like to hear it? - If I may...

"My dear, I still can't understand

how my father could deny giving his consent."

We shouldn't read Carlo's letters.

- But as parents... Go ahead. - Listen.

"My father's attitude is absurd."

- No, it's logical. - "...the kind that goes back 100 years."

- "My dear..." - Again!

"My heart is broken, I have no more tears."

Young men today are so ridiculous.

It sounds like a letter copied from "The Gallant Secretary".

"I am disappointed and humigliated."

Humiliated with a "g".

What? After all the money we spent on his education?

"However, knowing my father, I recognize that he is consistent."

- Good thing he recognizes it. - "Because he is a hard-head".

"He's an obtuse egotist,

incapable of understanding a beautiful sentiment like ours."

Me, obtuse?

- I have a few words to tell your son. - No, Giuseppe! What are you doing?

"Humigliated"? Now you are!

- There. - You made a mistake.

No, I did well. He needs to learn to respect his father.

I would never dare say such things about my father.

- Yet you did. - What?

This letter is yours. You wrote it to me on May 12, 1939.

Excuse me...

- I was a kid. - Carlo's age.

Your father didn't give his consent and you wanted to kidnap me.

You don't remember? You came home with a big bouquet of roses.

Yes... I remember.

You could've told me it was my letter.

Nice handwriting, except for the "g".

Clear.

Well, now... excuse me.

You could have told me.

Don't fret. In fact, I came to ask you...

Matches. Pass me those matches, please.

Thank you.

I ask you for matches, and you give them right away?

Is this the best way to help me quit smoking?

Then give it back.

Carletto, let's speak candidly.

Excuse me.

- You answer with "yes" too easily. - Meaning?

Your obedience is annoying.

- You have to be a man. - You always call me a kid.

Even kids must become men.

It's right to obey your parents,

but a young man, even if he's a kid,

must have a personality.

He must have a certain independence.

Yesterday you were so excited.

- By the way, give me matches. - No.

- What's that? - No!

Yes, right. Very good.

That's how I like you! Personality, independence.

You were so excited about that girl,

and now you are scribbling on a piece of paper.

These aren't scribbles. They are orthogonal projections.

Alright. Excuse me. I won't argue.

Anyway, if a young man wants something, he must take it.

He must take it at all costs.

In a moment of weakness,

I could give in and say "yes". Understand?

- Yes, Dad. - Right.

I understand, but it's not the right time for marriage.

I'm the one who should worry about that, not you.

- But I canceled everything. - What? Who authorized you?

- You. - Me?

You really are a kid! But you must be a man.

Now you...

I'll tell you something: As a parent, I demand,

and don't want any arguments,

that I give my consent for this marriage.

So go to the phone, ask for a meeting,

and present yourself with a nice bouquet of roses.

Who knows how much it'll cost! Get carnations, not many.

Tell the florist to spread them out.

- And ask for her hand. - But I...

I won't argue with a bachelor. Go!

- Smoke, Dad! - Thank you.

Dammit!

He puts thumbtacks everywhere!

Teresa!

Give it to me.

Very fresh.

- I'll get a cannoli. - Please.

- Sir...? - Yes?

- You're wanted on the phone. - I'll be right there.

- Who is it? - Your daughter.

- Gabriella. - Dad, come up right away.

Carlo is coming to talk to you.

- Yes, right away. - But today is Tuesday.

A proverb says, "One does not marry or travel on Friday and Tuesday."

Whose hand is he asking for? Ah, yours! I understand.

First he makes us wait a half day and then suddenly...

Come quickly.

Yes. I'll be right there.

- How much? - Please see the cash register.

- How much is the gentleman paying? - 350 Lira.

- I ate one. - Yes, with the left hand.

With the right hand you swallowed nine.

It's the sum that makes the total. Please...

I must go up.

Everyone stop! It's him. Hurry, hurry.

Darn it! Get rid of those broken pieces.

Go open the door. The broken pieces...

Let's hide.

- Good day. - Good day.

- Please. - Thank you.

Come...

Come in.

- Good day. - Good day.

Please, come.

- Here. - You shouldn't have bothered.

Thanks. Very kind of you. I give you flowers in return.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Close the door and leave. Please, come.

As you well know, I am Mr. Cocozza,

Sir Antonio, of the renowned pastry store.

- And you? - Carlo D'Amore.

D'Amore! Your last name is really something, it means "of love"!

- What do you say, Mom? - I can only see an elbow.

Wait. Excuse me.

Excuse me, move to your right.

That's it. Turn around.

I'll tell you why later. Smile. Stop.

He's nice!

Done. It wasn't focused.

The aunts, on the other side,

are spying from the keyhole to get to know you.

Women's curiosity.

Good for you...

Dear young man, as a parent, and father of the girl,

I must ask you a few questions to make your acquaintance.

- Yes? - I'll ask... What?

- You want to know me. - Yes, but you interrupted me.

Are you interested in politics?

Bravo. Are you a party member?

Very good. Are you an activist? Bravo. Exact answer.

Now I must ask you another important question,

a serious one.

Don't make me raise my voice, get closer.

Did you see "La Dolce Vita"?

Yes.

Did you like it?

Well... Did you?

Tell me if you liked it.

- From which point of view? - Yours.

- Yes. - Bravo!

My wife says it's disgusting.

I agree.

What I'm about to tell you is very serious

and has its importance,

its significance! Is that clear?

But you must not interrupt me because I have it all here.

If you interrupt me, that's it.

So... Yes.

The step you are about to take is not easy.

Since you are two, it is a double step.

When leaning over this mountain banister,

at the top of the summit, one says, "Everything that glitters is gold."

"Don't you think so, darling?" "Yes, dear."

"So are we going down this path together?"

- Downhill is easier. - Sir...

It is the sum that makes the total. So, what did I want to say?

We'd like to get married in one and a half months. Will you be free?

I am not a taxi! Sure, I am free.

- I'd like to talk about marriage. - So quickly?

This is a marriage between telegraphists!

In America, first they get married and then they notify the parents.

Americans do all sorts of incredible things!

I am traditional, I wanted to notify you.

Thank you, but I was expecting a speech on sincere sentiments.

I had a speech to make, but you interrupted me. It doesn't matter.

Alright. Come forward, the traditionalist is here!

He is the betrothed. My wife. My daughter... You know each other.

Aunt Adelaide, Aunt Carlotta, and Granddad are not important.

Here are pastries, wines... Stuff yourself.

It went very well.

I cornered him, I framed him.

Not to brag but you have a terrible husband.

- They're marrying in two months. - Two months?

- Yes. Will you be free? - We had said two years.

You can tell you've never been to America!

So the big day arrived when the families were to meet.

They decided to meet on neutral territory,

a restaurant outside the city.

Gabriella, with admirable tact,

managed to convince Dad not to come by car,

to avoid making the less well-off D'Amore family uncomfortable.

They surely would have arrived by bus.

Instead, they arrived by car

to avoid feeling uncomfortable with the rich Cocozza.

A rented car, naturally. He had not bought it.

It really looked like "High Noon".

Accountant Giuseppe D'Amore.

Cocozza Cavalier Antonio, of the famous Cocozza Pastry store.

This way.

- Granddad, you, there. - Granddad, come on.

Auntie, you here next to me.

Do they have to pay, or do we?

I think the fiancé's father will pay.

That is why he brought the grandfather and aunts!

- What is the rule? - You want to order?

Yes. Four broths for us.

- Four broths. - Mr. D'Amore!

We are in the country and you order broths?

We ate very much yesterday evening.

- Yes, but... - Antonio.

- Antonio, come. - Right away. Excuse me.

We'll have four broths.

- Are you sure? - I don't know.

It's been so long since our wedding.

Go sit down. I will go find out.

I'll go a minute...

Excuse me. I'd like some information.

When there are engagement lunches,

who pays? The father of the groom or of the bride?

I never ask which father is paying.

- Are you married? - Yes.

- Did you have an engagement lunch? - Yes.

- Who paid? - My father.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

Then take the bill

to that short man with a mouse-tail mustache.

- Thanks and good-day. - Good day.

- Let's go to the table. - Right away.

- Well, madam? - Everything is OK.

- Alright. - I will have Agnolotti.

- Agnolotti for me too. - Waiter...

- Four broths. - No.

Four Fettuccine with butter, sauce, cheese and chicken giblets.

- Calm down. - You changed your mind.

I walked about, the country air...

- A double portion. - Double...

With this wine, that makes all pain disappear,

we toast to the health of Carlo and Gabriella.

Bravo!

Bravo, Mr. D'Amore!

- Now me. - No...

- Let me say it. - No!

- Alright, say it. - Let's listen to Granddad.

What starts off crooked, eventually becomes straight.

Mr. D'Amore, if you allow me...

Shall we step aside to discuss the wedding plans?

Excellent idea.

Excuse us.

- Antonio... - What is it?

- Remember... - Don't worry.

Sit down.

- You first. - Thank you.

Mr. D'Amore, while the kids think about love...

- Lucky them! - Let's think of the serious matters.

- In their interest, of course! - Right.

- I wanted to say... - Yes?

- What... - I don't remember where I saw you.

You frightened me, I thought you were ill.

You may have seen me some place in Rome. It's rather small.

Have you ever been to some place?

- I've been in many places. - You don't remember the place?

- What place? - The place where I saw you.

- If you can't tell me where... - It must be one of those places.

- Which places? - Let's just forget it.

- Otherwise, we'll go crazy. - Let's forget it.

I had prepared some notes to...

- To clear up some points. - I made out a memorandum too.

- You, too? - Yes.

- Sure. You're an accountant! - I didn't want to forget.

Accountant is synonymous with memorandum! It's telepathy.

- Better to be precise. - Yes. So...

- A wedding in white. - Naturally. We, in black.

- As in mourning? - No, in black...

- Did someone die? - No!

- If you say in black... - A suit for occasions.

No, for this occasion I'll have a new one made.

- My daughter is getting married... - You don't understand.

For the wedding, we'll wear a dark suit.

- Do you have one? - Yes.

- You have a "tux"? - No, I don't.

For a wedding, one wears a "tux".

- You mean a tuxedo. - A tuxedo?

- A tuxedo. - What a funny name!

In Naples we call it "sciammèria".

You must have a nice "sciammèria" made.

- A friend is telling you. - I have a blue suit.

- You think a sciammèria is better? - Yes. Mark my words.

I'd like to, but my wife may say I'll spend too much.

- We'll let her know after. - Does it cost a lot?

- Buy a sciammèria. - How much does it cost?

- About 90,000 Lira. - 90,000 Lira...

- It's that expensive? - Yes.

Come to my tailor. You can surely reach an agreement with him.

- Alright. - Don't worry.

- I caught a bad one. - We must be careful.

- I caught a bad one. - Changes of temperature...

- Excuse me. - You should be careful!

Excuse me.

You put a handkerchief in front of your mouth and take it off...

- I soiled your mouth. - You squirted all over.

Forget it. I'll clean myself.

- It hurts here. - You got my eye!

It doesn't matter. So, attire, sciammèria... Everything is set.

To simplify things, I made a list.

On one side, what I take care of, on the other, what you take care of.

Read it, and we're all set.

You read my memorandum, and we'll simplify things.

They'll be simplified. Read.

- There's a mistake. The trip... - I was distracted when I wrote.

- You see? - Yes. I misspelled it.

No. The mistake is that you charged me with it,

but you're responsible for the trip. You didn't read what follows.

- What follows... - The wedding cake, pastries,

cream puffs, cigars... All from the Cocozza pastry store.

- They're all handmade! - Alright, but...

- You'll cover the small things. - This is something small?

The honeymoon, the furniture, the apartment.

- How many rooms? 4 or 5? - Neither 4 nor 5.

- What if grandchildren arrive? - Forget the grandchildren.

- Do you expect... - I expect the worst.

You're perplexed? Can't pay?

- No, it's a matter of principle. - Really?

- Yes. - So, because of your principles,

my daughter should live in a furnished room?

Your son is not marrying an ordinary girl.

He is marrying a Cocozza!

And, not to sound arrogant, but we are well known people.

Also for the dignity and morals of your son...

He will go around the city,

to a theater or restaurant, arms linked with a Cocozza.

He will surely make a good impression.

- Allow me to say something. - Please...

- No offense... - No offense.

I was undecided precisely because of your last name, Cocozza.

- What are you saying? - "Cocozza" means pumpkin.

- So what? - Compared to "D'Amore"...

- What do you have to say about Cocozza? - Let's drop it.

You don't know the Cocozzas! I'm an honest businessman.

I don't know, I'm not a vegetable vendor.

- A vegetable vendor? - Excuse me.

Don't impose your viewpoints on me,

and don't raise your voice. I'm not a child who must succumb...

- Succumb? - Yes.

You said "succomb"!

It's "succumb".

You'll find it in any dictionary. What sort of accountant are you?

In it you will find, "I succumb, you succumb, he succumbs".

- Understand? - I don't understand anything now.

- Of course, with that face! - But...

Speaking of faces, did you...

sell cigarettes at the corner of Via San Silvestro?

Now you mistake me for someone who had a tobacco store?

No, the box. I hear your voice in my eardrums.

Now you're really pushing the limits of good manners.

- We'll get nowhere like this. - You want to teach me good manners?

- I won't pay anything. - Me either!

You tell me strange things, and sneeze in my face!

- What is going on? - Nothing.

The accountant doesn't want to spend any money.

He wants to impose on us a cheap wedding.

- Teresa, let's go. - You can't die "of love".

- But you can die of hunger! - Don't listen to him. Let's go.

How can we let our daughter marry one of these people?

Your daughter is not Princess Soraya

and "these people" have worked with honor at the Ministry for 40 years.

- And I am a Cavalier. - Who cares.

- Crosses are easily obtained. - Crosses?

I have a right... Madam, what would you like?

- Who takes care of the bill? - The gentleman.

It is customary that the future bride's father pays.

- You've got it wrong. - Why?

- Get informed, read the papers. - It's not necessary.

- Read the Official Journal. - No need. Here, please.

- We have lots of banquets here. - And so?

Excuse me, madam...

When you got engaged who paid for the engagement?

- My father. - You see?

- The fiancé's father pays. - Yes, but my fiancé's father died during the war.

See? And you're alive!

INTERPRETERS SCHOOL

Gabriella... Gabriella!

- Did your father change his mind? - No. Did yours?

No. He says your dad is a jerk and gave him a cold.

- So it's my dad's fault? - Yes. He has grandiose ideas.

Your folks want the wedding of the century.

Don't yell, students are taking exams.

Admit that we're in this situation because of your folks.

- I will not admit anything! - Love, don't get upset.

It'll be OK. We have to think of something.

It's pointless. I am unlucky. Everyone is against me.

- Did it go badly? - Yes.

- Are they very severe? - Very severe!

I don't know anything.

I'll attend a different session.

God bless you, sir.

Come in!

- Did you call for me? - Come in.

Please, don't get too close, you have a cold.

Yes. A friend gave it to me. No... an enemy.

I don't care. Try not to pass it on to me.

I received your request

to look into your eventual promotion.

- I allowed myself to solicit... - Please, sit down.

Thank you.

- Be careful, don't sneeze on me. - Excuse me.

Nothing to complain about your work done.

When did you receive your last promotion?

- Sneeze on the other side. - No, I was saying...

- In 1948. - 12 years ago.

Yes. A lifetime.

- What? - I said, "A lifetime".

The years put in are there. This is an important promotion,

a category upgrading. Are you sure you deserve it?

Everything in order in the office and at home?

- You have a wife. - Yes, an old-fashioned woman.

She is a saintly woman.

- You have a 13 year old daughter. - Yes, a good girl.

She's in her second quarter and already has an 8 average.

She is a child...

- An old-fashioned one. - Yes. And a 20 year old boy.

Graduated as surveyor, obedient, respectful, a good boy.

He's not like these modern youngsters.

He's not a Teddy... Teddy...

- His name is Teddy? - No, I mean Teddy Bo...

Be careful! What is it? Come in!

Come forward. What is it?

An urgent communication for the accountant.

- Urgent? Tell him and leave. - Thank you.

- What is it. - Your wife called.

She was agitated... and asked for you to come home immediately,

because your son ran away with a woman.

- Sneeze. - No, I wanted to say, "Hear that?"

He must have run away the old fashioned way, in a carriage.

Go on, D'Amore. Go. Go!

Go away!

- God bless you! - Thank you.

FILED

Why did he run away? He wasn't locked in a prison.

He left a note, like the Count of Montecristo!

Don't dramatize, he didn't enlist in the Foreign Legion.

You make me laugh.

What if he actually did enlist in the Foreign Legion?

- Carlo ran away with Gabriella. - So what?

They don't accept women in the Foreign Legion.

- You pushed him to do it. - Me?

Yes, you. Go ahead and cry.

I'm not crying, that scoundrel gave me a cold!

- I wanted to spare him the Cocozzas. - Poor youngsters!

Poor him, not poor her! She must have organized

the kidnapping to obtain consent.

I know these Lolitas!

- Where did you get to know them? - Who?

- The Lolitas. - The ones in the novel...

This must be him, that scoundrel! God, thank you.

- Yes, thank God! - Open. I will be inflexible.

- Just a minute. - What is it?

- Carlo has the keys. - It's true.

Our daughter is at school. Then who is it?

Could it be the police? The Red Cross?

- You go open. - No, you go.

Inflexible, huh? You don't have the courage to open the door!

Go open. I am the father and cannot...

Gabriella! Where is my daughter?

- Here he is, the scoundrel! - What are you doing?

- Antonio, let him go! - Let him go, you're hurting him!

He is strangling me, and I am hurting him?

I will report you for kidnapping of a minor, and bust your head.

I'll first bust your head and then report you for trespassing.

Me? Where is she? Gabriella!

- Gabriella! - What are you doing?

- Where is Gabriella? - Stop, you're not in your home.

- Madam, let him be. - Your husband is crazy.

- What are you looking for? - Come out!

- Where are the other rooms? - There aren't others.

This is it? And you call this is a home?

- This is a tunnel, a hut! - This is a dignified home!

- We know these dignified homes! - What are you insinuating?

It is so respectable that your son ran away...

- Instigated by your daughter! - Enough!

Instead of arguing, let's try to find them.

- What if they did something foolish? - No, they are serious people. Them!

- Madam, will you have something? - Yes, thank you, I'm so nervous.

- A Vermouth... - Not to him!

- Why? - He gave me a cold.

- Sit down. - Thank you.

- I know where Carlo took Gabriella. - What are you saying?

In a rented room to take advantage of her.

- But... - Your son is a tricher.

If my son is a walrus, then your daughter is a seal.

- What? - If my son is a walrus,...

You didn't understand, I said it in French.

You mean "tricheur" (cheater). Then your daughter is a nymphet.

- Giuseppe! - Watch your language!

We are all in excellent health.

My daughter doesn't in-fect anyone!

- It must be Carlo. - Did they knock?

It's Carlo.

- Hello? - Excuse me. Hello?

- Excuse me. Hello? It's your son. - Give it to me.

He's calling to blackmail me. How much is it?

Don't be silly. We didn't want to be forced into this

but it is all we can do.

- And it's your fault and my dad's. - Not mine, just your father's.

What are you saying? Carlo, where are you calling from?

Carlo, you must come back!

Carlo, tell Gabriella to come back.

- You run away, but not Gabriella. - No, Carlo!

- Gabriella can run away, not you. - Nobody is running away.

Is it true you didn't run away?

Not yet, but we're at the station, about to leave.

- They're at the station. - Where are you going?

Carlo, I forbid you to leave.

- Catch a taxi and come home. - You say something, too!

- May I? I'll talk to him. - He'll talk to him.

- Hello? - Here.

- Hello? - Gabriella, is it you? It's her.

Your father is speaking. I beg you, don't leave.

- Don't leave! - Don't beg, impose it on them!

- I impose it on them. - No, it's too late, we're going.

We are getting married. Bye, the train is about to leave.

There was a whistle. The train is leaving!

Stop it. Stop that train!

Stokers, train drivers, workmen, a porter!

- Call the station-master! - Tell them we agree.

- We'll do as they say. - And you?

- I'll do what you do. - You're not saying it?

- To who? - Want to tell the station-master?

- I called him but he's not coming. - No, tell the kids we give in.

Kids, we're giving in.

- What? - Gabriella!

The train is leaving. Gabriella!

Call Gabriella! She must be in some end coach.

Dad said he'll arrange everything. We did it!

Alright, Dad, we'll come right back.

Yes, right away. We're in the dairy outside our home.

- Well? - What are they saying?

Not on those conditions! You're taking advantage.

- The lovebirds are blackmailing us. - What do they want?

I won't give you a five room apartment.

Wait. Don't be so rigid in such a dire moment.

- A five room apartment? - You are refusing something

on which the destiny of our children is pending.

If you are so stingy, I'll buy the apartment.

- With two bathrooms? - Yes.

- Two bathrooms and a terrace. - Yes.

- Give me your hand - Tell them!

Hello? Mr. D'Amore, in his great generosity,

in front of four witnesses,

said he will buy the apartment for you.

So don't leave, come right back. Yes, see you in a bit.

Happy? I did everything you said.

I carried out your last wishes.

You obtain what you want. You are a leader.

You are a dictator! Dux!

- Can we embrace? - Yes.

- You could embrace too. - You are relatives now.

- Just a minute. You have a cold. - You gave it to me.

I have recovered, yours is still on active duty.

God bless you! Take one of these pills. They are miraculous.

- Are they good for you? - Yes.

- Thank you. - Don't swallow it, suck it.

- What is the brand? - Cocozza mints.

I make them with my own hands. I do this and roll them...

- Disgusting! - What?

- Are you having me eat this junk? - Junk?

Speaking of junk...

Weren't you the man who went around picking up trash?

- It can't be them. - Why?

- Gabriella! - Carlo!

- Mom! - Finally...

Just a minute, kids.

- Did you call from the station? - Yes.

And you got here in 5 minutes?

You say such things in this atomic era?

The era of reactors, missiles, and subways.

- Just a minute. - You're trying to fool me.

No, dear sir. You promised

you would buy a home for the kids.

Five rooms and two bathrooms.

God bless you!

Accountant Giuseppe D'Amore had gotten into big trouble.

His salary didn't allow him to buy an apartment,

so he became a member of a co-op of his ministry.

The co-op homes have many positive aspects,

but don't rise in central areas.

In fact, this was 20 kilometers past Ciampino.

The area is a bit on the outskirts.

But as Carlo's father assured,

in 100 years, the countryside would become joined to the city.

Come, Sir.

Come.

- What an engine! It's English. - That one?

- It goes to London. - And it passes by here?

- We are near the airport. - Near? We're inside the airport!

This is the silent and peaceful neighborhood

that will have a big development?

We don't know what the future has in store.

If one day your son should buy a car,

even if I don't believe it... - You're starting again?

He would need a Naples license plate. It is so close!

- Do you smell the sea air? - Don't make me laugh!

Let's go inside.

- Young man... - What is it?

- Where is the elevator? - There is none.

- It is a co-op... - Forget it, I'll explain.

It is built with modern American criteria, without an elevator.

Health is movement. You move up, down, away...

- Exercise avoids heart attacks. - That's natural.

- I see. - This is the main stairway.

- So disgusting? - It will be changed.

They expect an elevator in a co-op home!

- Where is the railing? - It will be done in marble.

- Who knows... - Innocent apparatus.

They don't hurt anyone.

Mr. D'Amore...

- You're out of breath. - What?

You are out of breath. See what it means to walk?

I live in an antique home and have an elevator.

- Where does that one go? - It's from London, the same plane.

- It didn't stop? - No, the same type of plane.

- One leaves and another arrives. - They all pass over the terrace?

- Yes, they follow the same route. - The same what?

- Route. - They break your...

- Cavalier! - The eardrums.

Speaking of eardrums...

Tell me the truth...

Did you play the trombone in the municipal Tivoli band?

- This time I guessed. - I've never been to Tivoli.

Then I got mixed up with the dog-catcher from Frascati.

- I never caught a dog. - Really?

- Right! - I believe it.

- When they saw you, the dogs ran. - But...

- Oh, come on! - What?

- Let's see... - Let's see.

Please, don't mistake me for anyone else anymore.

- You are so touchy! - Let's not talk about such things.

- Look. Here... - Yes.

The entrance is not bad. It's spacious.

- Just a minute. - Where's the rest of the apartment.

- It's not here. - What?

This isn't the entrance.

This is the home, built in a rational way,

saving on every centimeter of space.

- Really? - This is the whole apartment.

- This? - Yes. I'll explain.

These are the outlines of the rooms to be made.

- These bricks? - Yes.

The entrance is there. This is the area to go to the bedroom.

- This is the bedroom? - For the newlyweds.

- Where am I? - In the bathroom.

- But I'm dressed! - Go in the living room.

This is the living area.

Where will we put Snow White?

- Snow White? - Yes...

The Seven Dwarfs can find a suitable arrangement,

but Snow White is a tall girl.

You always want to joke.

If you knew how much this apartment cost me, you wouldn't tease.

What is this room?

Two doors go here to avoid seeing what's behind.

- Is it a wall closet? - No, an American type kitchen.

Oh, come on!

A kitchen? Excuse me.

How are you paying?

- Couldn't you help me? - No, I respect agreements.

As father of the groom, it is up to you.

- You will pay for all of this! - I'll pay what I'm supposed to pay.

- You know what I mean. - Stop. You'll cover me with dust.

- My raincoat is worth something. - Mine isn't worth anything?

- It's a cheap thing. - A cheap thing?

- Is this home solid? - Does it seem fake?

I am worried because my daughter will live in it!

- So will my son. - I don't care about him.

- What? - I care about Gabriella's interests

because I am her father! - And I'm the father of my son!

- Who knows? - What?

Who knows how you raised him? I raised mine well.

- And how did I raise mine? - Who knows? I wasn't in your home.

- Put down the hammer. - And you put down your finger.

- You compare a hammer to a finger? - And you...

- Cocozza... - Call me "Cavalier".

- Don't start using foul language. - Listen, Cavalier Cocozza...

If you like the home, accept it. Otherwise, forget it.

- I must test it. - Go ahead.

Move.

- Hear that? Does that sound like a brick? - Should it sound like a music box?

- Can't you hear it? - What?

- Phony! - Again with the insults!

A phony brick, the sound.

- Look... - Understand? Don't get upset!

- I can't stand it anymore. - You see?

- What? - When I touch it, the plaster falls.

You're busting the wall! It's not travertine.

Look who I have to become relatives with!

- What do you want to do now? - It's humid here.

It's the plaster. It was applied this morning and must dry.

- Hasn't it dried yet? - You are asking me?

- I should know? - What do you want?

- I am not a mason! - What are you saying?

Keep your hands down!

But... what are you doing?

- What are you doing? - What are you doing, crazy maniac?

- Destroyer! - You're stopping the water.

You want water?

- I must check. - Check what?

I must check the humidity, the pipes... Water is humid!

- Look what has happened to me! - My child

won't ever set foot in this house!

- She'll never live here. - Yes. I said it first.

No, I said it first. This wedding must not take place.

- Teresa! - Did he like the house?

- Yes! Come here a minute. - I can't, I've food on the burner.

- Just a minute. - What happened?

I'll explain. To hell with this wedding.

- What? - Just a minute.

Regolini Printers? The owner? Listen carefully.

OK, Mr. D'Amore. Good day.

- Shall we do 500? - Forget it, suspended, canceled.

Miss, young man, if you want to talk, take it outside.

We're here to study.

Any news? What does your father say?

Because of Attila, we lost the apartment.

- Attila is my father? - Yes.

The bill arrived for damages to the building site.

- I am sick of it! - You're being vulgar.

Sorry, I'm pissed off. My dad is making my life impossible.

You're telling me? I responded rudely to mine, today.

- You responded rudely? - What's it to you?

Guess what he did. He slapped me!

They slap too?

I am changing schools. Goodbye.

Maybe they're sorry. My dad would give in, if yours apologized.

Sure!

Each wants the other to apologize.

And so?

You're right!

- He's coming here? - Yes, to apologize.

I receive apologies at home from 5 to 8 p.m., and not later.

Coming to our house was too humiliating, don't rub it in.

I'm not. He just has to humbly apologize to me.

We shouldn't have come here, he should've apologized at our home.

Leave him a bit of dignity.

This is a public place, neutral territory.

Let's go.

- Cavalier... - Good day.

I think that...

If you want to say something to each other, you should step aside.

- As you wish. - As you wish.

- You want to step aside? - No.

You tell me where you think it should take place.

- Let's go to the lab. - Yes.

- This way. - Excuse me.

- Please. - Excuse me.

- Should I send it with counterfoil? - Sure.

- Alright. - Hurry!

Please.

The encounter at Teano begins.

- May the Lord help us! - Are there many breakable pieces?

Unfortunately. Please, madam.

- It's very hot here. - Yes, there are ovens.

But it's a dry heat, it's not bad for you.

- Would you like a Cannolo? - No, thanks.

I can't eat sweets.

- Is it a refusal? - No.

But I'd interrupt the diet.

Do so! At least to taste.

Alright.

You see? I am obliging.

- What do you mean? - Forget it.

You can speak with your mouth full, if you want.

In French it's, "Pour moi, c'est la meme chose."

- You say it. - No, you say it.

- No, you say it. If you allow... - No, you!

Well, now...

Are these little Neapolitan pizzas?

Yes. I imagine you have never eaten them.

- I ate them in Velletri. - Where is that?

We export in the whole world, even in America,

every year with a plane. - May I

Please.

You're beating around the bush too much.

- That's how I do it. - Go on...

- No, you go on. - No. So? The apology?

Yes, apologize. If you're embarrassed, I'll turn around.

Shall I? You'll turn around? I don't understand.

I am expecting your apology.

- There was a misunderstanding. - Really?

- Yes. - Was I tricked?

- No, it is not my style. - Is that how things stand?

- Yes, it is. - Then go to the cash register.

- Two small pizzas and a Cannolo. - What?

- I'll put the pizza here. - It's disgusting now.

- It was disgusting before too. - Put it in your pocket.

- Where did you put it? - In your pocket.

- Come on... - Come here. Just a minute.

Young men, go smoke a cigarette outside.

Please.

Look, Cocozza...

Don't put your hands in there.

So...

Listen to me.

We could settle this another way

and come to an agreement, if you want.

Look, if you allow me... I will tell you

that I get the impression that we're getting nowhere.

- You opine that? - I opine.

- Allow me to insist? - Go ahead and insist.

I have 200 crates of Bulgarian eggs that arrived from Monza by sea.

Now, regretfully, I must let you know

that I don't give a damn.

Is that so? In that case...

- Allow me to insist again? - Go ahead and insist.

With these Bulgarian eggs

I'll make thousands of Easter cakes, the Cocozza doves.

I'd like to point out again

that I still do not give a damn.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

All I need is a good word with the Ministry for an order

and every employee would have a Cocozza dove this Easter.

3,000 employees, 3,000 doves.

Did you say 3,000 doves? Why 3,000 doves?

- If not, how many? - All the dovecote, if possible!

- It's possible. - Are we playing games?

I should put in a good word with the Ministry for Cocozza?

- But you... - Listen.

I am about to reach out to you.

- Good! - No, I'm losing my balance.

- Let me get up. - Get up, but listen to me.

- How dare you? - I dare because...

- Let's forget it. - We won't talk about it anymore.

A Neapolitan song says, "He who has had has,

and he who has given gave." - And so?

I'll apologize to you.

But in exchange, get me the Easter order for the Ministry,

so I can use the Bulgarian eggs I told you about.

You were nice to sing that peace-making song,

but you forgot the ending. I'll do it. May I?

- Zoom zoom! - No!

- Don't put your hands on me! - Don't get up. Listen.

Your Zoom zoom is hindering me from singing the second verse.

Continue, and make it quick.

Besides the apology, I'll pay for the honeymoon

and refreshments for 150 people. 150 people!

These are things that, according to custom, you're responsible for.

- And I'll continue with Zoom zoom. - Youre' obsessed with "zoom zoom"!

- You won't let me do the ending. - Do it, but hurry up.

I'll add the guest gifts, and confetti candy with almonds. OK?

No. I repeat my Zoom zoom.

I prefer paying for what I didn't even consume. Don't insist.

In fact, I'd rather pay for everything than accept your shady deal.

If you really want to negotiate,

I'll offer a counter-proposal. Alright?

- Counter-propose. - So, I will lower myself...

- No, get up. - Let me finish.

I will lower myself to apologize. It's the first time I do it.

And you pay for the honeymoon and refreshments...

No. There's a misunderstanding. I will apologize.

- I will. - No!

Get me the order for the Ministry and I will apologize.

No, you pay for everything and I apologize. I came here on purpose.

- But I am in my home. - So what?

- I apologize. - No.

- I apologize! - Don't insist, I'll apologize!

- I asked more loudly. - And I'll kneel down.

- And I... - Why are you yelling?

We are apologizing to each other.

- I apologized to you. - I asked first.

- Then, no wedding! - Do you hear him?

- Gabriella! - Carlo, don't chase her!

- Enough! - Yes.

I know the word that should be said to both of you.

Thanks. Gabriella...

Matilde!

- What is the word? - I don't know.

- Giuseppe. - What time is it?

- 2:45 a.m. - I wasn't able to sleep.

- You're looking for the cigarettes? - No, sleeping pills.

I know why you're not sleeping.

Must have been last night's potato omelet.

No, it's remorse.

- For what? - For what could happen.

If nothing happened, how can I have remorse?

- You must have felt it before. - Before what?

- Many things can happen. - Meaning?

You read in the newspapers almost everyday about young lovers who commit suicide.

Well, we also read about those who win the lottery.

- And that never happens to us. - Sure!

Every time an opportunity arises, you throw it away.

Where is the harm? Someone will have to supply the Ministry.

Let us drop this discussion.

We've always done everything on our own.

I'll never help that pastry man get the order.

You don't care about your son's happiness.

These are the words of a blackmailer.

No, it's advice. You'd do a favor that doesn't cost you anything.

And he would take on all the wedding expenses.

Never!

Oh, God!

- I took three and they're stuck. - What are you doing?

They are bitter.

- Bitter! - Let me see the tube.

- You should've worn your glasses. - Why?

It's the amphetamines that Carlo took when he was studying.

- The one that keeps you awake? - Yes.

Dammit!

Oh, God!

Where will I go now?

We know that The Man proposes, but his wife decides.

Mrs. Teresa managed to convince her husband

with a mother's lethal weapon: the future of their son.

So the 3,000 Cocozza doves left for the Ministry.

The Tuesday after Easter, Mr. D'Amore returned to the office

and found corridors, rooms and desks, strangely empty.

"Go immediately to the chief of staff."

How are you, Mr. D'Amore? What a pleasure!

Lower, lower...

Not you, the tone of your voice.

My boss must not know that we are acquainted.

- We met recently. - He must not know.

- He's not to know we're acquainted. - We are strangers.

Don't speak with gestures, lower your tone of voice.

- So that only I hear it. - Excuse me.

- The head of the cabinets... - The cabinet head.

- What? - The cabinet head.

In such a big building, there is only one cabinet?

The cabinet head is Mr. La Sarda.

- La Sarda called me. - Me too.

He probably wants to thank you for recommending me as a supplier.

- I don't know. - It will help your promotion.

My promotion is almost certain.

Soon my boss will take the file to the Ministry for approval.

- Thanks to... - No, don't thank me.

- Thanks to my seniority... - Yes, I recommend that.

- You are a little old. - I mean years on the job.

- You're not a youngster either. - I don't look my age.

You've salt and pepper hair! Mine is dark, no offense.

- With some dye... - What?

Moonlight dye, the color of milk!

- We're singing now? - ...And you become light colored.

- You drag me into it. - I drag you?

We're not here to sing. Shall we go?

I'll take you to my tailor later for the tuxedo.

- Alright. - It will be a perfect fit!

By the way... tell me the truth.

- What? - Were you a barber at Centocelle?

- But... - It's you. Come in.

- Thank you. - Good morning.

Please...

Mr. D'Amore, do you know Sir Cocozza?

- I don't have the pleasure. - If I know Mr. D'Amore?

Actually, we had agreed... I mean, I don't know him.

- You know me? - No...

But I'm glad to have met you.

- My pleasure. - No, it's him.

May I? Cocozza Cavalier Antonio, of the Cocozza pastry store.

Please.

- Please. - Where?

- There. - If I am bothering, I'll leave.

- No, sit down. - We pastry makers have good manners.

Sir Cocozza supplied an order of Easter doves...

And I want you to know I've not been paid yet.

- We'll discuss it later. - I trust you, don't worry.

Mr. D'Amato guaranteed.

He guaranteed for us, but also for you.

Here it seems that you supported the request

with this report where you praise...

- Do you have a stiff neck? - A little bit.

So, you praise...

Yes, I realized the product was good.

- Delicious, I would say. - Delicious? The dove is disgusting!

- How dare you? - I dare.

- May I ask you to explain? - It's easy to explain.

Half of the Ministry employees are sick.

It's the flu going around.

- No, colic pains! - Alcoholic flu.

- No, terrible colic pains. - Horrible alcoholic flu.

The pharmacies are full, the hospitals are full,

the cemeteries have no more room, not even for a million!

But we're talking about those who ate this crap.

Crap? I'm sorry sir but you insist and instigate.

You are slandering, and I'm going to sue.

You know what experts call this dove?

- No. - The Sophia Loren of doves.

- Oh please! - Taste it.

- I am not crazy. - Then you don't like Sophia Loren.

- You taste it. - I make pastries, I don't taste them.

If I had to taste all the cakes I make...

- Relax. - Mr. D'Amore can taste it.

Right, you taste it.

When you realized the product was good, didn't you taste it?

No, I had an excellent sensation and that was enough,

because I avoid eating fattening food.

- This is fattening. - Then eat a piece now.

- You eat it. - Not me.

- Eat a piece. - Why me? The employees...

- Slap him. - Slap who?

- A figurative slap. - Come on.

- If you have the courage, eat a piece. - Hurry.

- I will gain one kilo. - One ton more, one ton less...

One ton...

How is it?

What did I tell you? Sophia Loren!

- How is it? - Good.

- What? - Sophia Loren.

- I'm talking about the dove. - It seems excellent too.

- I suggest you don't eat anymore. - Why?

One kilo more, one kilo less... I'll eat this too.

- You don't feel anything? - What should I feel?

- How do you feel? - I feel very well.

- How do you feel? - Terrible.

- You have visitors. - Is it my wife?

- No, two gentlemen. - Must be office colleagues.

- Have them come in. - Yes, but don't get upset.

I'm not.

I have snakes in here.

Who is it?

Look how low you've sunk. A man as strong as you...

A kind thought, a couple of chrysanthemums.

Take away this trash! I'm not dead, I'm fine.

He's fine! He declared it in front of two witnesses,

the Italian Red Cross and Abbot Farina.

Alright, Mr. D'Amore, as you wish,

but I'll send the bill anyway.

Suspend the announcements immediately.

- They won't marry this time either. - Alright.

Mr. La Sarda invited Mr. D'Amore to his home

for an exceptional evening.

Nobody could imagine what plan the two mothers had schemed

for the happiness of their children.

- Thank you for inviting us. - Please. You had other problems?

No! Five days in a clinic were enough.

I hope it served to show my good faith.

Let's not talk about it anymore. When will the program be aired?

In a bit, as soon as the film ends.

- Angela, come. It's about to begin. - Excuse me.

Madam, come watch TV with us, The Cavalier's daughter is on.

What a great satisfaction to see your daughter on the video.

- Yes. - Are you excited?

Yes, a bit.

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

In a few seconds you can follow a new episode

of the television series "Young People Today".

YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY

We present to you another interesting part

of our survey on modern youth.

The influence of the family on the behavior of young people today.

They are angry, violent, dissatisfied.

What do they want?

What is your name?

Ermanno Tazzoli, called the Sunday Devil,

or, the Maid Exterminator.

Ermanno, why this restlessness,

and this spirit of rebellion? Perhaps your dad neglects you?

Look, he is the son of "No Name".

And here is a classic case where the parents' behavior

negatively influenced the development of a young person's character.

Hey, you two!

- He's my son. - How is he dressed?

Why didn't you go to school today?

She didn't want to, and I don't go to school, I've a diploma.

- Your dad must be happy with you. - My dad doesn't give a damn.

- You heard him? - What do you talk about at home?

I don't talk, he always does.

He always repeats the same thing, that work at the Ministry is awful,

that his colleagues were promoted with recommendations and his boss...

- Carlo... - No.

- He's hysterical and a hard-head. - I'm hysterical and a hard-head?

I've always liked this boy, he's loyal.

- Is she your daughter? - Yes, she looks like me. An angel.

So you have the worst father in the world?

No. I thought my father was the worst,

until I saw hers. - Ugly son of a...

Gabriella, you're not saying anything?

- You're not defending your father? - Gabriella, defend Dad.

- He who is silent agrees. - She defended me.

You have resentful feelings against your father too?

Yes. My father is selfish. He doesn't understand a thing.

He always argues and creates problems.

- What do you mean by problems? - I am expecting a child.

Is he responsible?

- Unfortunately. - Why?

Unfortunately for my child! With grandparents that...

So, what will you do now? Get married?

We'd like to, but our old folks don't want it.

- Well? - I'll start a new life.

- Maybe in the Foreign Legion. - I'd send you to jail!

The parents' lack of understanding led to this tragedy.

Dear parents, all is not lost, Make amends while there's still time.

Excuse me. Excuse me...

Enough. The performance is over, everyone out!

Clear the room, go! Countess, I'll send the pastries tomorrow.

- No, I won't be coming here anymore. - As you wish.

At least try to be a good grandfather.

- Colonel, you owe me for 10 cannoli. - You worry about your daughter!

It's my business. Go! Leave the room. Everyone out!

No seduction of a minor ever had such sensational publicity.

12 million TV viewers knew that Gabriella Cocozza

was expecting a child.

The entire nation demanded making amends appropriately.

Sir Cocozza didn't wonder why his daughter, despite all,

would marry with a white dress, a veil and orange blossoms.

She looks very well like that.

- Antonio! Are you ready? - No, the size is wrong.

How is it possible to lose so much weight in two days?

He made a triple bed vest, a triple breasted jacket!

You look fine. Hurry, the ceremony is in a half our.

Where can I go dressed like a clown, other than the circus?

- Look. - Let me see. You're right.

- You've never had such a belly. - Not even during the war.

- You look like Mr. D'Amore. - D'Amore! He took my tuxedo.

D'Amore is persecuting me. It's the sum that makes the total.

I'll show you.

- What happened? - That scoundrel has my tuxedo.

- I'll be the witness. - You're so whiny!

Busy.

- Always busy! - If you shrink a bit, they'll button.

- What can I do? - It ripped here.

- Watch out! - You tell me to shrink...

If the pants rip, I must pay for them.

- They'll look at the groom, not you. - I'll make people laugh.

- That idiot tailor... - Try 110.

Yes, you're right.

There...

- It's busy too. - Try the Cocozza again.

Damn that Cocozza!

It's busy.

- Try 110 to free it. - Yes.

- 110? You suggest that? - Yes.

I'll do it.

Number 110 is busy too.

On the second number, it rings busy.

Maybe it's a sign of destiny.

You still have time to save yourself from that Cocozza.

- Sure it's the right number? - Yes!

The number you called has changed. Check the new phone book.

Got that? Check the phone book. Cocozza.

There are also nobles in the phone book. Check.

- Here it is. - How many are there?

- Three Cocozzas and one Cocozziello. - Is the number there?

- It's the one I gave you. - What year is that?

1952! We never have an up-to-date phone book in this house!

I have to go now.

- But I can't walk. - Try.

If I widen my legs, my pants will fall. I should walk like this.

Dad, you look like Frankenstein.

- Put on a coat. We're going. - Alright, go on.

Then we'll see...

Just a minute! It must be him.

Cocozza! Dammit!

Yes. He sent me yours.

What will we do?

Come to me, we'll exchange tuxedos and go in the church.

It's the sum that makes the total.

I can't get on the bus dressed as Frankenstein.

People would think I'm crazy. Pick me up with your car.

Right, your family needs it.

Get a taxi, I'll get one too,

and we'll meet outside the church.

Yes.

- What is Dad doing? - They're coming.

Friends, we must hurry.

It's 10:45, and at 11 we have a funeral. We must begin.

My husband and Cavalier Cocozza will be right here.

- Right, Matilde? - Yes.

- It's too late. Come in. - Yes, let's go.

Good thing they made up their minds!

Maybe this evening is the right one.

- Well? - It's your tailor's fault.

- Hurry! - Did you wear it?

- Sure. - How long will we take?

- Just a minute. - Wear yours and give me mine.

- It's 990 Lira. - Just a moment.

I can't wait.

- Aren't you ashamed of yourself? - Go on!

- Just a moment. - We're not doing strip tease.

Sir, the 990 Lira!

- Wait a moment. - I can't wait. Where are you going?

- Hurry. - You hurry!

- Give me 990 Lira, I must leave. - Where will I get dressed?

- Wherever you want. - Alright. I'll give you 1,000 Lira.

- What? We don't have it. - Do you have 1,000 Lira?

- Give it to me! - Don't scream!

- Then we're all set. - No, you must give me 1,000 Lira.

Right! You're confusing me. Here are the 1,000 Lira.

Gentlemen, the show is over.

- Let's go. - I can't go inside!

How can I get inside?

- Don't push me anymore. - Will you let us get dressed?

- Please... Give me my tuxedo. - Where is mine?

- Who did you give it to? - I placed it on the window.

I didn't see anything. Maybe the driver took it.

No, the driver...

You're hiding it in here?

- I was distracted. - You scared me.

- In the confusion... - Please...

- Easy. - May I?

- Where is the vest? - What vest?

- It's not there. - I put it inside.

- Excuse me, can you turn around? - Please...

- Did you see my vest? - I'll start getting undressed.

What are you doing? Putting your...

- You bit me! - May I? Well...

Just a minute.

Easy.

- The pants. - The pants.

- Take off your pants. - I'm embarrassed.

- Don't look. - What have you go to look at?

We are two fathers who exchanged their clothes.

Excuse me. Let me do it.

- Here, in the hole. - What hole?

That's it. Move.

- You see it? - Pull!

Excuse me. Give me the other leg.

- This is useless. - The shoe!

- Where will I put it? - Damn the suspenders!

- Give them to me. - Mine are here.

- That is the jacket. - Which one?

This is my jacket. You're putting it on?

- But... - It's even ripped.

- In the haste... - What are you doing?

What are you doing now? This is my waistcoat!

- Take off the hat. - No!

- Take off your hat! - Take off my hat?

- Yes. - Now I remember where I saw you.

One, two, one, two...

Take off your hat!

You are the slapper of Via dell'Impero.

No, I have always been anti...

- Be quiet, you, clown in uniform! - Scoundrel in civilian clothes!

I won't allow my daughter to become the fez man's daughter-in-law.

Then to hell with everything!

- Everything. - Me too.

- Halt! - Everyone stop!

- This wedding must not take place. - They must not get married.

- They've already married. - What? Already married?

- Without me? - Fortunately!

- I will ask for an annulment! - No, I will.

- I said it first. - I'll ask the Rota to annul it.

- What route? - The Roman Rota.

- And I'll ask for it on the route! - Come on, it's raining!

You even made it rain.

- Me? You bring bad luck. - No, you.

- It's the sum that makes the total. - Give me my glove back!