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[somber music]

- [man] As artistic director of the company,

I have a lot of latitude right now.

I would not be surprised if that latitude is taken away.

Maybe I'll even have to resign.

I thought about that.

[music continues]

People in the opera business used to, in the old days,

talk about Tulsa Opera.

Everyone knew what Tulsa Opera was doing,

they cared about it.

And I want them to care about it again,

I want them to know about it again.

Lucia has performed all of the baritone roles

in Don Giovanni in European opera houses,

but not the role of Don Giovanni, and it was a role

she particularly wanted to perform.

As highly accomplished and exciting as Lucia is...

It's not just America.

It hadn't been done anywhere.

[music continues]

[dramatic music]

[operatic singing]

- My name is Lucia Lucas.

- [bright music] - [indistinct chattering]

- Hip, hip, hip, bump.

[operatic singing]

- I've been singing opera my entire adult life.

I've been singing full time as my only source of income

for the last 10 years over in Germany.

I live there with my wife who is also a full time singer.

- With live performing, there's a freedom in it.

We have the collective cloud

between all of the different media companies,

search engines, streaming services,

all of these things that just collect performances

and data and everything.

But this live performance,

this theater is still sort of sacred in a way.

Only the people who were in that theater

are going to experience that performance.

[operatic singing]

There's no substitute for it.

No matter 4K, 8K, it's not gonna make up for that energy

when you were in person.

[dramatic music]

[tablet whooshes]

- Hello, hi.

- Happy--happy anniversary. - Happy anniversary.

It's 10 years tomorrow

if we go by the original Facebook album,

that I uploaded wrong.

- [chuckles] - Do you remember?

- April 12th, how could I forget?

I didn't know our anniversary for, like, three years.

[Lucia laughs]

[low music]

Well what about you? You've been like

running around, like, at this insane pace.

- [Lucia] Isn't this like actually the first time

that we've video Skyped since I've been here?

- [Ariana] Has it been a week? [indistinct]

- No one knows. No, it's Sunday.

I'm seeing like this much of you.

- The rest of it's not dressed.

- Okay, I don't know if you're smizing

or if you're actually smiling.

- What? - Can you not see your framing?

Oh, sorry.

Never mind, stay where you are.

[chuckling] I-- - What?

- [laughing] Nothing, it's my fault.

- Oh, my God.

[soft music]

[indistinct chattering]

- In any good opera, there is an emotional core.

And if we can find what that is,

it's almost always timeless.

[indistinct chattering]

[piano playing]

Each new opera is compared to these old operas

and if it's good, it sticks around.

And if it's not quite as good,

then it just sort of fades into the distance.

[piano playing]

[Lucia singing]

- [Ariana] How's it going?

- Feels good, gave my jet-lagged A natural.

- I feel like it has, like, more soul in it...

- Yeah. - ...jet-lagged.

Special quality that you can only get

from extreme stress. - Exactly.

- I read this quote, I think it was from Martha Graham

this exact moment in time, doing what you're doing,

that will never exist anywhere else.

And if you try to control the situation,

then you lose that authenticity in that moment,

that special moment. - If we just take our impulses

and lean into them, and we make the most authentic art,

I think that's the most powerful, you know?

- I miss you. - I miss you too.

- [woman] Don Giovanni is a story of a charming person

who abuses his position of wealth and power

and also uses fantastic manipulation

in order to thoroughly enjoy the chase.

That's why I think Don Giovanniis a story

that's still so relevant now.

[operatic singing]

- If the opera feels foreign,

there's almost always a way to update that.

And there are certain operas

that get that treatment more than others.

You can always adjust it to fit your time.

- [man] Don Giovanni is very Don Juan, uber masculine,

sexy, predatory man, toxic masculinity.

Like just the worst type of masculinity.

Don Giovanni is a master of disguise

in this production, you see him change out of his clothes,

into the disguise of some chic woman,

head scarf and a trench coat and red heels and everything,

and just saunter out.

It shows that we're not doing anything traditional here.

- [Tobias] One of the things that sets me apart

from other artistic directors

is that I'm a practicing composer of opera.

And so decisions that I make about repertoire, casting

are informed by the point of view I bring

as a composer, as a creator. I make this stuff.

I like to give singers role debuts

and if I can, American debuts.

Despite the fact that she's American,

this will be her American debut.

[somber music]

- [Lucia] If you are the best in the world,

but that exists in your living room,

you're not gonna have a career.

You have to have at least some sort of structure

so that you get connected with the right people.

Performing is a must, but that's not the job.

The job is traveling all over the place

and not getting sick.

Making personal connections with people

and keeping up relationships, that's the job.

Like, the job is not singing.

If you can just sing really well,

but you don't have any of the other things,

you don't have a career.

[singing opera music]

I enjoy using my engineer brain to tackle problems.

So where video games come in

is they actually occupy the part of my brain

that would worry about something or think about something

that has to happen in the future.

There's enough interaction with my brain

that I don't think about things

and I can actually push those things out of my brain.

[engines revving]

I think it was 1985 or 1986, my dad went to Circuit City.

He felt bad for divorcing my mom

and so he got a Nintendo.

I don't know, I think it was a way for him

to just to sort of connect with me too.

And--and we would play video games.

Because he's-- he's a civil engineer

so puzzles were really fun for him.

And it's always kept my brain in a sharp thinking state

so that I can tackle these ways to keep me in the business.

[soft music]

[indistinct chattering]

- [man] It's an honor to have you tonight.

Here for the patron party, of, uh, the Equality Gala!

Give yourself a hand.

[audience clapping]

Because this is an invitation only event and you made it in.

So thank you so much for being here.

We're gonna give away awards

to the youngest and the oldest.

So don't everybody run,

when I start looking for the oldest.

- When I programmed Don Giovanni

for this...the Tulsa Opera,

I started to search the world for the best Don Giovanni

I could find for Tulsa.

And I found Lucia Lucas.

[audience clapping]

- [Lucia] Coming out is difficult

and, you know, not everybody agrees

and some people give you a hard time.

The worst time, absolutely, in my life was in junior high.

[Lucia singing]

It was because...I felt like

my body was betraying my mind

and I've always loved my mind

and my--the way I think about things.

[continues singing]

I guess I had this irrational belief that maybe my brain,

because my brain should be the most powerful thing,

my brain can, like, do this.

[continues singing]

My--my body...

maybe there's some way for my brain

to tell my body, to--to make me grow up into a woman.

[continues singing]

I mean, of course it's an irrational thought.

I thought maybe my brain is strong enough

to--to make this happen.

Um... [sighs]

[continues singing]

I was an only child and my mom, my dad got divorced.

[continues singing]

And that wasn't my fault, that-- that had nothing to do with me.

But...

[continues singing]

...it all happened at the same time.

She didn't want me to hate my dad.

[continues singing]

My dad, like, went off and got, I think, like three girlfriends,

two or three girlfriends in the meantime.

So I'd meet some--some woman, and then she'd disappear

and I was like, "Oh, okay, well."

[continues singing]

Uh, then I got my Nintendo. [chuckles]

[Lucia continues singing]

I will commend him, his family now,

they're--they're doing great.

He's taking care of his, uh, his stepdaughters

really, really well.

His daughter and son with his new wife.

Great father.

[continues singing]

[audience applauds]

Even though I love these games

and I'm playing with a real person

on the other end of the line,

I'm not interacting with them verbally.

[singing]

- [woman] When the Commendatore is finally bled out,

[indistinct] give the Commendatore a kiss...

roll him off.

- [man] All right. - [Lucia] What--what--

what if I... what if I rolled him...

At least once a month, somewhere in the world,

there's a really big tournament of Paper Magic.

And so I can show up there and play with real people.

And I would draw the parallel

between live performance there.

There's nothing like playing in person.

To get real competition, you have to go somewhere.

That's the same thing, you know.

You can watch a DVD of Giovanniat home.

[singing]

But it's nothing, it is nothing, absolutely nothing

like being in the theater.

- As a choreographer, of course,

I'm always interested in the human body

and the statements the human body's making.

And I'm always watching that and fascinated by it.

Lucia has very strong ideas as a performer.

The thing I really wanted her to explore was this idea

that when she was presenting as masculine,

she was wholly believable as a man.

And when she was presenting as feminine,

she was wholly believable as a woman.

[piano music]

[singing]

- In the entire process, I try to stay focused on my scope

as part of this puzzle

of the entire production of Don Giovanni.

And my focus is being a conductor

and be able to bring the score

that Mozart created to life.

That is my primary focus.

The entire rehearsal process,

this idea of Don Giovanni being a master of deceit

and a mastery of being able to change from male to female,

to a priest, to, um, any other character

that he might choose to present,

that is going to be confusing.

It's going to be confusing for the audience,

it's confusing for the performers,

It's a huge challenge for Lucia

to be able to go back and forth.

I do not know, we haven't really had a chance

to talk about how that affects her personally.

- There's ways that Lucia is playing

with femininity and masculinity

that are bringing so much life

and so much psychosis to the role.

It's really creating a scary, scary character,

especially within the Me Too movement in culture today,

it's really being emphasized how awful he really is,

how evil he is.

- She wants people focus on her actual music,

because that's what we do.

But some people buy things for the package,

that's marketing.

I think it's brilliant that Tobias brought Lucia to Tulsa,

not necessarily New York, Chicago, San Francisco,

that makes everything more sensational.

- [Michael] If it were me, I would feel like

it was kind of taking away from who I was as a singer.

But it's a double-edged sword, I guess,

because maybe that's the only reason why people are coming.

- There's more pressure that people who really know voices

and really know opera, see this and come away saying,

"Yes, that was the right choice for Don Giovanni."

- [man] One thing I've noticed covering this beat

is that a lot of regions are struggling as a point of pride

to hold onto something that gives their cities,

their regions definition.

- For a town this size,

I think we're the smallest town in the United States

that has a ballet theater,

a symphony orchestra, and an opera.

We have all of these things because they were left to us

by the men who made their fortunes in the oil business

around the turn of the century.

- [woman] Passing down opera now

from one generation to the next

is getting tougher than it used to be

to get those families to continue to come.

It's not tough to get them to donate money,

but we're competing with

so many other entertainment options now.

- Opera has been dying for 400 years, basically,

almost since it was born.

It's the biggest, most complicated, most expensive

kind of art form to produce.

Right now, there's tremendous talent in opera,

but there are also tremendous challenges.

It's not really a popular entertainment anymore.

In Europe, I think it's a little bit more closely woven

into the national identity of many countries.

It's also typically supported by the state in Europe,

whereas in the United States,

it's really supported by philanthropy

and then to a much smaller extent, ticket sales.

But tickets really don't cover the cost.

because it's so expensive to do.

- An average production costs us

around half a million dollars.

And if we actually sold the tickets

at what the actual true value would be,

a good seat, would be about 300 dollars apiece.

For some reason, in the arts,

they feel that's too expensive,

but yet, they'll go next door to the BOK Center

and drop 750 dollars on a Metallica concert

and not even think anything about it.

It is frustrating, that dynamic,

because our product is every bit as exciting

and interesting as the concert at the BOK.

- [Tobias] As highly accomplished as Lucia is,

it's an added benefit that she is trans

because no trans singer has ever performed Don Giovanni

in Europe either or anywhere else in the world.

So it's not just America, it hasn't been done anywhere.

[indistinct chattering]

I was the first to hire you.

- [Lucia] You were the first to hire me in the States, absolutely.

I mean, there were peoples who said nice things.

They were like, "Oh yeah, clearly you can sing,"

but they didn't hire me.

I wanna do as much work as I can,

I wanna fill up my calendar.

Until my calendar is full, I'm not worried about the money.

As long as I'm not losing money on a gig, I'll do the gig.

But I'm also thankful to you for standing up for me

because I...I don't know what conversations actually did happen,

but I'm sure that there was at least one conversation

where somebody minimum said, "Are you sure?"

- Oh, yes. - [Lucia laughs]

- There was.

- If there wasn't the story of me and how I came out

and if it wasn't out there,

then of course there would be less press,

there just would be.

I mean, I guess, you know, you lean into it a little bit,

but how do you not make it this, like, circus, you know?

[low music]

I almost lost my position in this career

because of coming out.

So I don't feel that bad

that I'm getting a little bit of bump in advertising

from it, personally.

But representation matters.

If there is somebody who is trans, who is growing up,

who has absolutely no exposure to anything

because representation doesn't matter,

they just sort of implicitly pick up those cues.

Like that something's not possible.

This is what happened when I came out, my boss said,

"Okay, well, first thing does your voice change?"

I was like, "No, no."

"Okay, who's done it before?"

I said, "It hasn't been done before."

And luckily he said,

"Okay, well then let's see what happens."

- [Tobias] If I had said to you in the beginning,

"We're not gonna, um... mention that you're trans."

- I would have done it. - You'd have done it?

- Oh, yeah.

Like I said, I want my career to go forward.

I'm not, like, gonna do anything illegal or anything.

But, like, I'll do things

that are theoretically uncomfortable for me.

- You think your career has more potential to go forward

with the approach we took or the approach we didn't take?

- Uh, the approach we took. - You do?

- Yeah, I found that if you are yourself, genuine,

I think that they like you, the real you,

the you that is easiest to be.

People who try and, like, put on a show

for people in their-- in their personal life, like,

I mean, that's exhausting too.

But sort of on a different edge,

what is the biggest problem with opera right now?

Having less and less audience.

How do you fix that?

You get new audience.

- That's one of the reasons I did this,

but we'll see if it works.

- Well, I know for sure that there are LGBT people

that I've met, who are going to come to the opera

who have never come to an opera.

That is new audience. - They're buying tickets.

- They are buying tickets.

No? - Yeah, it's very idealistic.

- [Lucia laughs]

- [Tobias] Trans people, right now,

their rights are being taken away

and they're being discriminated against

by the president of the United States.

Yes, it's important for people to know

there's a great trans opera singer

and she's performing on the Tulsa Opera stage.

[somber music]

I think it is a miracle that you're singing here,

that--that is what it is.

- Yeah, I think there's-- - And that miracle does not translate

into the miracle of selling out the house.

You know? We can sit here and talk about art

till we're blue in the face,

but it's...there isn't much to talk about.

- What are the people being told?

That's Giovanni in Giovanni, are they being told that?

Come see the show on the fifth of May?

- No.

- Um, when--I'm guessing people maybe have asked what's going on.

Are they being told that Giovanni

is going on, on the third and the fifth?

- [waitress] No, I didn't know what the show was.

I just know it's an opera. - Do you know what Don Giovanniis?

- So watch, watch, this--this is great.

- No, I--no, I asked a question.

- I do--no, I don't.

- You don't know what Don Giovanniis?

- I've heard it, but I don't know what it is.

- So this is--this is a score of Don Giovanni.

- Okay. - It's an opera.

So if anybody here asks,

they can go to the Tulsa Opera website.

- Okay, awesome, yeah. I'll re--

- Just in case anybody says like, "Hey, what's going on?"

- Yeah, I'd like to be prepared with an answer

- for sure. - Yeah, thank you.

- Since, you know, I have a lot to worry about

besides flyers and-- - I know--

- Why are you telling me this?

- I'm gonna make the cards, I'm gonna go out.

I'm gonna do it on my own dime, I don't care.

And I'm gonna hand them out. People are gonna be like,

"What is this about?" I'm gonna be like, "Come to the show."

- You don't have time.

- I have time.

I have time.

If we sold out, do you think

that maybe it could possibly be because you took a risk?

- Well, I'll certainly take full credit for it, yes.

- [laughs]

- [Tobias] The model, if we could afford it,

would be to build an opera house that's the right size,

which would be somewhere between eight and 11 hundred seats,

we really can sell that.

As of today, there's 609 tickets sold to Friday night

and 500 to Sunday.

And we're at 74,000 in revenue.

That's all that matters

is that we meet our revenue projection.

You know, we were hoping well over 110 or 120 maybe.

[stirring music]

If people don't come, if there is,

what you might call a silent backlash,

because Tulsans are very polite,

that could harm Lucia's ability to get work

in opera in this country.

[music continues]

I'm invested in her having a success here

for many reasons.

For her own sake, for her own future.

Come what may, I wanted to bring attention to this,

the 50th anniversary of Stonewall.

It would not have happened without trans people,

not without Marsha P. Johnson and others,

But everybody else that was at Stonewall,

every other segment of our community has improved.

So I was aware of that when I cast Lucia as Don Giovanni,

maybe I'll even have to resign.

I've thought about that.

[somber music]

- [Lucia] The funny thing is I don't need to rely on

me being trans to sell this production.

We don't have to talk about it at all.

You can put a beard on me and dress me up

so that there's not even like,

"Wait, you're doing Don Giovanni,

but isn't Don Giovanni a boy?"

Fine, put a beard on me, we'll go out there.

I'll sell people to come toGiovanni ,

without even talking about me being trans,

they won't even know.

I wouldn't be talking about me being trans,

if people weren't interested.

And if people weren't interested about

me being trans,

that's also fine.

Then I'll just live my life happily, okay?

I could still have a career, I could still get people there

because I'm a good singer, because I'm a good actress,

because I command the stage.

[laughs]

Ariana, BBC calling, wake up.

We are having some technical issues.

[imitates beeping] Well, I heard that, five AM.

- [tablet whooshes] - Oh, come on.

I can't hear anything on your end.

Hello?

- [BBC Correspondent] Hello, hello, Lucia.

- It's[indistinct] from BBC. - Hi.

- [BBC Correspondent] I'd just like to apologize,

we're having problems linking up with our control room--

[indistinct chattering]

- Oh, wait, somebody just called me.

- [Correspondent continues] - [woman over phone] Hello, this is BBC.

- Okay, hi, hi, BBC, can you hear me?

Sorry, I think the controller just got me.

- [tablet whooshes] - [BBC Correspondent speaking indistinctly]

- Yeah, I can hear you now.

They're gonna patch me through to you, I guess.

- [woman speaking indistinctly over phone]

- [BBC Correspondent] Sorry, Lucia...[indistinct]

- I'm trying to--okay.

- [BBC Correspondent] Bye. - Bye.

[clattering over phone]

Is that gonna work?

Can somebody hear me? - [woman over phone] Hello.

Hi, I can hear you.

- It's 5:13 AM, my time.

- [woman] Oh, my gosh. - But I'm still here.

- Wow, okay.

Thank you so much for doing this.

And we are so, so sorry for this mess up

and for keeping you waiting.

The fact that when you're onstage,

you're inhabiting cisgendered male roles,

And when you're offstage, you're a trans woman.

How have you navigated that on and offstage

ever since your transition?

- I was performing it onstage

and I was performing it offstage.

There doesn't have to be any dysphoria associated with it.

It's just another character.

What if I was playing an alien

that doesn't have male and female roles?

Well then what about gender?

If you make everybody justify their identity to you,

that's starting the conversation off in a hostile direction.

If somebody comes to me and says,

"I've never thought about this,

I've never met anybody who's had this,

I don't understand it at all."

That's a much better place to come from.

- I come from Kentucky, I live there now

and I just jet in and out for jobs.

[bright music]

I had heard kind of through the grapevine

they were hiring a transgender singer to sing Giovanni

and as soon as I heard that, I said,

"Oh gosh, how do I get to be a part of that show?"

I wanna break down these walls

and before we can just get over these dumb stigmas

about how people want to live their lives,

and just how we wanna make choices for everybody.

I wanna make that completely clear.

How stupid is that?

They're making a decision for themselves

to come out of the closet or to transition

or to do whatever.

Why does that affect me at all?

Because my children might understand

that they can be a male if they were born female,

or they can be in love with another girl,

or something like that, so what?

As long as humans have been on the earth,

those things have been there as well.

It's just ridiculous to deny them as a natural part of life.

I'm over here sitting in Kentucky

drinking a bourbon and grilling a steak.

I can enjoy every part of my life

without having to ruin someone else's.

It's just stupid. [chuckles]

- I hope that I've not fallen into the trap

of presenting this as any kind of a freak show.

We're not saying Don Giovanni is a transgender person.

What we're saying is

Don Giovanni is a master of disguise.

Some of those disguises are masculine,

some of those disguises are feminine.

What we have done is completely deliver the opera

that Mozart and Da Ponte wrote in which a character says,

"You will never discover who I am."

I think it's much more about

somebody who is cunning and manipulative

than it is about somebody who's transgender.

- [man] In performances, I have seen physical reactions of people

that love the sound that she produces,

but they will not look at her while she's singing.

I find that extremely fascinating because

that separation is something that tells you

a lot about how people feel about gender,

they feel about sound.

And stereotypes of male and female

and what a woman should sound like,

a man should sound like.

- Voice doesn't have a gender.

The average difference in pitch

from an average female voice and an average male voice,

and I say average because nobody has the same voice,

is less than an octave, it's like a fifth.

[soft music]

If you were on a piano and you press the keys down,

you just went one, two, three, four, five...

...that's about the difference in the voice.

[dramatic music]

- [Hidenori] Last year I was here,

and this year I came back.

I was hugely shocked how much Tulsa changed.

And probably the people in Tulsa

don't even notice it because you are seeing it every day.

A lot of people coming from different states, different city,

and those change is affecting people's mind.

[music continues]

But I'm curious how it's gonna change.

- Hi, my name's Lucia Lucas.

I've been singing opera my entire adult life.

I've been singing opera for the last 10 years

as my only source of income, I'm a full time opera singer.

I always thought that I was going to have, like,

this really quick career and just shoot off

and then after that, I thought

that maybe I could sort of go out of the spotlight

and transition then.

And what happened was, my career wasn't taking off,

but my career also wasn't going away.

I had a nice, steady, opera career.

I just sort of thought, I can do this,

but if I'm not true to myself,

I don't think that I'm going to enjoy this career.

Well, it took me a year and a half

for my dressing room to get changed.

And they asked the two guys,

if it was okay if I was in their room.

They didn't ask me anything about my comfort zone,

about where I wanted to be.

And at that point, I had all my legal documentation changed.

And I said, "Look, if you wanna fight me on this,

we can go to town now, really."

Nobody should have to do that,

so I'm gonna fight for the things that I need

and I'm gonna fight for my comfort.

I don't know what else I should say.

Oh! I'm here for an opera.

[audience laughs, claps]

- [woman] Definitely, but thank you again, so much.

- I--I hope what I said made sense.

- Yes. - It made perfect sense.

- Okay. [laughs]

- It was fabulous, yeah. -It was wonderful.

- We're in the middle of tribal elections for Cherokee Nation.

But what you were saying resonated with me too

within our tribal community.

- The thing is--is we think about our groups,

and we don't always think about other stuff,

but if we use language that is inclusive for everybody,

then we will hit a group and rights for that group

that we--weren't necessarily in the forefront of our brain.

[low music]

- Lucia Lucas has just done an amazing job

of trying to elevate ticket sales.

She's out and about, talking to people,

anyone who will listen.

Ticket sales are lagging a little bit

and quite honestly, I really feel that

when it's all said and done, that we will hit our budget.

We're not trying to make a political statement,

we're not trying to offend anyone,

we're just trying to bridge the gap

between different ideas, thoughts and some prejudices.

- [Hidenori] All the companies I've been working,

majority of the audience or donors or sponsors

are Caucasians.

Yes, white--I mean, white people.

I think it's just because opera itself,

it came from Catholic Church.

So the root of this music is for Western people.

And I think that form hasn't been changed at all.

- The Tulsa Opera Board is about, I think, 30 to 50 people,

it's a pretty good-sized board,

but it is very diverse.

From young people, old people, uh, LBGQ people,

to rich people, to not rich people,

so it's pretty diverse.

And--and obviously with the board,

the intention is you want the board

to bring their constituents to the opera

and support the opera.

So that's their job, but we've done a good job

on getting new board members

that are all not just rich white people.

- [James Kicklighter] Can I push back on you for that for a second?

- Okay. - I actually, I wasn't gonna

ask you about this but you brought it up. - Okay.

- [James] I went to the website, I only saw two people of color

that are on that board.

- But there more gay people.

I--I--you know what? Yeah.

- You know, it's tough.

I really...I wish I had an answer to that question,

I really don't.

That's something that, uh, we've struggled with

and I think we are going to continue to struggle with.

- [Hidenori] This could be actually the shift.

It could be the one big factor to flip the coin

and make everything different.

[indistinct chattering]

- I need a mirror.

[indistinct chattering]

- Okay, I am sleepy and oily.

- [pleasant music] - [indistinct chattering]

So sometimes we think of women as having really high voices

and they speak really, really high.

But that's not, in actuality, how it works,

we have a pitch that we sort of hang out at.

And then men have a pitch that they sort of hang out at.

And it's funny, my voice didn't ever crack.

My voice was super smooth adjusting

and there was a point where I was actually perceived

as my mother on the phone.

Because of course, genetics, we're gonna sound similar.

When you're singing, I guess you have more control over your voice.

I mean, I do have lots of control over my voice,

singing low all the way up to singing really high.

[singing indistinctly]

[audience claps]

♪ I'll be loving you always ♪

♪ With a love that's true, always ♪

[audience claps]

- Come to Don Giovanni. - [laughs]

[audience laughs]

- If you don't like what we do with this opera,

then you will never like opera.

Look, I'm not trying to sell you on the opera.

I'm trying to say that if you don't like this,

you're never gonna like opera

and you could just stop after this one.

This is what I'm saying.

How about that?

- Actually, I already made that deal.

- Okay.

- "Honey, I'm sorry, I just don't like opera.

I'm not going again." He's like, "You don't have to.

I can go with [indistinct]. - [Lucia] Okay.

- I'm gonna go to see you. - [woman] I know you.

- [Lucia] You should, it's my show.

It's called Don Giovanni.

- How are you holding up?

- I'm fine. - Good. [chuckles]

You had a long day, I was like, "Wow."

It's interesting to me because opera has always had

a certain kind of gender fluidity.

And there have always been trouser roles,

roles that were sung by women playing men,

including in Mozart.

And so to me, it's interesting

that Lucia will be a trouser role Don Giovanni

taking on the most toxic masculinity,

semi-sociopathic role in the canon.

Part of a long tradition, but on the other hand,

it's also radically breaking tradition.

[somber music]

- So I choose-- - Do you want Mario?

- Yes. - All right, great.

Well, we're gonna do it relaxed just for a second,

get our--get our bearings.

- That's good, I get very nervous.

- [chuckles]

I have not played video games with somebody

in years, probably.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

All right.

[video game music playing]

So the left one is how you throw the...

- I'm not into throwing things that much.

- [chuckles]

- You're not even trying and you're one.

And I--and why am I struck by lightning?

What did I do?

- I'll slow down then.

- No, don't, you don't have to do that.

I don't--I don't need charity.

- [laughs]

- I'm being obstructed.

- What do you mean? - Oh, fuck!

I'm 12! I'm the--I'm last.

That's really typical of my ability.

- I was told, as a child,

how I could act and how I couldn't act a lot, so...

- Really?

- My feminine behavior was corrected.

- Well, my Tourette's was corrected.

My parents used to beg me to stop.

"Please, please stop."

[somber music]

An unfair comparison?

- Not at all.

- [Tobias] Growing up with Tourette's

at a time when it was undiagnosable

was a very difficult thing.

And it created enormous issues for me

psychologically and emotionally.

Spending a lot of time alone.

I did feel like a freak growing up, because I was gay.

I went to a series of psychiatrists from an early age.

But a young psychiatrist, he was gonna cure me

and we spent quite a long time

talking about how to... how to cure this problem.

When I was 18, actually my first day of registration

in conservatory, I met somebody.

And it was very shortly thereafter I went to my shrink

and said, "I wanna enjoy this while I'm young

and embrace it.

So I don't wanna change it."

That was right around the time of Stonewall.

He said, "Well, in that case, I can help you adjust to it."

And I said, "I don't think I need any help adjusting to it.

I like it, actually, I really like it.

So we can work on other things."

But I actually had accomplished my other goal,

which was to be able to practice my art

and be successful at it.

- Well, first of all, I think that parents, generally,

want what's best for their kids.

- If they'd only known how it made...

me feel on a daily basis

that I was failing them.

- Me too. - Maybe they wouldn't have done it.

but they couldn't know because they didn't understand

why I was like that. They had no idea,

no frame of reference and probably, I guess,

your parents didn't either.

- I think maybe my mom had an idea.

- Really? - Not that I was trans,

but I think she thought I was gay growing up.

She would always say...

[sighs] She would always say, "I'd love you no matter what."

- But?

- "But it's a really hard life."

Well, that was mid-'80s, everybody's dying of AIDS.

Of course she doesn't want me to be gay.

- [Tobias] I never thought, as a young man,

that I was ever interested in getting married.

I was lucky to be gay because I didn't have to get married.

As the years went by with the same partner

and we began to think about the future

and the rights that we were denied.

it became actually mandatory that we become married

because we would have lost my medical insurance.

Ruth Ginsburg, who is a devotee of my work,

having attended several operas,

married us right in the Supreme Court.

So maybe since then, my level of interest

in issues that affect this community has increased.

I consider myself very lucky.

I am, in many ways, better off,

so I am interested in helping people

that are still oppressed.

- That's--that's my dad.

This is my stepsister who's coming.

So my dad and my stepsister are coming to see the show.

I don't know what to think.

I--it's--it's too much of a distraction

for me to really think about it before the show.

I don't know what I wanna talk...

- My mother came to everything.

But she traveled all over the world for my things.

Having a mother live 99 years,

you get pretty used to having them around

and in your life all the time.

We were in constant communication by email and FaceTime

so, she was very modern.

A very big inspiration to me as an artist

she was...making art till six days before she died.

So, we were very enmeshed.

[somber music]

- I know that Lucia has found it very difficult

to park Don Giovanni at the end of the day,

and go back to just being Lucia.

When you ask somebody to dig into themselves deeply

to find those aspects of the character

that are maybe hard to live with,

it's hard to walk out the door at the end of the working day

and switch all of that off.

- [Lucia imitates a scooter engine revving]

I can do that, right? - [Denni] Yeah, absolutely.

- [singing] Uh...

- And I think you probably wanna stop

roundabout there if you can.

It feels like a good position to me.

And when you can, put your parking brake on,

it's by your left foot.

- Do I get off? - [thudding]

- I think you should feel naked, psychologically naked.

He has suddenly no audience, he has nobody to sing to.

- Okay.

Who am I speaking to?

Who am I speaking to in opera?

Who is my performance for?

I am not trying to speak to anybody.

I am trying to do the best version of my art

that I think is interesting and thought-provoking,

no matter who you are.

I'm not performing for the king.

I don't need to customize my show and my references

for one person.

I am giving a multi-layered performance.

I'm giving Golden Age singing to the people who love opera,

I'm giving silver screen acting to all the Netflix crowd.

I guess that's our target audience.

So if we're speaking to anybody,

we're speaking to new people,

we're speaking to the new audience.

- [Denni] ...no audience, he has nobody to sing to.

- Okay. - And I think it would be great

to see a moment of vulnerability in that character.

- I don't know if I'm feeling it today, but--

- Okay, sure.

Play with it and see.

- Yeah, I mean two things is like logistically this thing,

like, where to get it, how to set it up,

and how to get back onto it without it all looking staged.

- Absolutely. - Um...

But, I'm--with all the extra stuff, I'm...

I don't know, I'm like, losing my own.

So--we can talk about it at some other time

but I feel like I'm losing myself

and then, like, I don't have Giovanni to protect me now

because I've been projecting Giovanni the entire time,

except for the parts when we're talking

and building the scenes, so... - Mm.

So put all that into the canzonetta,

that nakedness when you feel strong enough.

And I think the important thing is that it's amazing,

all the outside publicity work that you're doing.

But ultimately, we have to build a show

otherwise we're not publicizing anything.

So your energy can't be pulled away by too many other people

dragging it away from you.

- Of course, but--but if I say that I'm not gonna do this,

or I'm not gonna do that-- No, I'm saying like,

yes, that would be the best thing,

would be for me to be like,

"I'm sorry, can we cancel all the interviews,

I'm not gonna do any more performances,

I'm not gonna go out and like, give speeches

about workplace inclusivity,"

and all the random stuff that I've been doing,

if I shut that down

and then I take all of my free time for me, yeah, fine.

I mean, can I do that?

- Yes, you can absolutely, at any moment.

A performer's preparation time is absolutely crucial.

And I think, for Lucia,

because there's been so much media interest,

constant interviews, a lot of pressure,

it's been a really demanding time for her.

I think more demanding than she realized it would be.

And that's a tough thing when you're preparing a role

as big and demanding as Don Giovanni.

[soft music]

Playing somebody who lives on the edge,

who is prepared to always go

beyond where anybody else will go,

I think probably becomes

quite a fun, buzzy, attractive thing to do.

And then it's very difficult to suddenly find yourself,

at the end of the day,

in your hotel room on your own.

You don't go home and have dinner with your family

and relax and switch off a bit.

You go home and you relive every minute of the day,

there's kind of no escape.

It's like having a hamster on a wheel in your head.

It just keeps going round and round and round.

You have no outlet from it.

That's also part of the skill of being in our world.

[dramatic music]

- [woman] What we do behind the scenes,

is a well-organized dance,

it's not glamorous.

You get to deal with all of this stuff.

Well, there's also the maintenance and the laundry

and being sure that everybody has what they need.

To remove sweat and perfume in something silk,

we use a cheap 100 percent vodka in a spray bottle

and we just mist it on and when it dries,

it dissipates and takes all of the smell out with it.

You kind of have--

- One for the clothing, one for me.

One for the clothing, one for me.

- Exactly.

One for the dresser.

When I heard that we're updating it to the 1950s,

there was a little piece of me that was not happy.

- Have you ever seen Amadeus? That--

- Mm-hm. - Do you think that he would have a problem with updating?

I don't know. - I don't know either.

I know that if we can take anything away from Mozart

and the lightness of his music, maybe?

- Maybe.

- I mean, it tells a great story of a crazy man.

- A crazy man. - [Deb laughs] Well, he's a psychopath.

He preys on the people that he can manipulate.

- She's also trying to stay

in the Don Giovanni character all the time,

which is her choice to make it the success

and he's the master of disguise and deception.

[dramatic music]

- [Lucia] I don't know the fruits of my labor yet

and we'll see who comes.

People are on their phone all the time.

There are actual humans that I haven't seen

in 10, 15 years even,

that I communicate fairly regularly on the phone,

but to see them in person, is special.

And I think we're missing out on that humanity.

In the Gathering Place, that's what I was hoping for.

I just sort of wanted to do a fact-finding mission.

But it seemed like other people

were more concerned with

flyers being handed out which is the complete opposite

of what I wanted to do.

I'm making a commercial about this park.

Now, this is what I'm doing, I've decided.

- Why do you feel that's necessary?

- Because we have to get people

but we don't wanna be obnoxious to people.

- [Tobias] If she does something

and then she says, "Was I good?"

That's a rhetorical question. [chuckles]

This is the kiddie park. - [Lucia] Yeah, I know.

- Maybe down by the lake is better.

- That's kind of what I was thinking

because wrangling kittens is more difficult.

- They're the wrong sort of people.

- They're the wrong sort of people.

Because they need to take their kids to Chuck E. Cheese,

not to the opera.

All of these individual interactions are important.

Handing flyers out doesn't work.

We're making an opera.

- [man] Oh, okay. Oh, yeah! - [woman] Nice, that's pretty cool.

[speaking German]

- [Tobias] Are you coming to Don Giovanni?

- I don't know, I guess we have no tickets for that, no.

- You should buy them because she's Don Giovanni.

- Okay, I'm doing-- - She's amazing.

- I'm doing Don Giovanni.

I'm trying to show them that hiring somebody

from on the other side of the world is worth it.

[indistinct chattering]

- We grew up with it all.

- [Lucia] I did what I wanted to do.

What I wanted to do was make a connection

with individual people.

Individual people that will become fans of opera,

individual people that will become fans of me.

I just got here I don't have a whole lot of time.

What's the best place to check out in the park?

I communicate with people all the time

on various social media platforms and also through email.

Sorry to disturb you.

[bright music]

I use the camera as sort of a lure.

If people know were too busy,

I'm not gonna get to talk to them.

No, come on, let's go. No, no, no, no, no, come on, let's go.

Come on, go, no, just, sorry.

He's gonna make me do this.

So I'm not gonna talk to you,

I'm just gonna give you this.

I wasn't gonna do this, but here.

I'm doing an opera here.

I don't know if you've ever been to the opera.

Anyway, if you're around, it's fun, bye.

- [Tobias] It's not worth the time.

In the end, was it effective?

I think it was important to Lucia to do that

to be out in public telling random strangers

they should come see her inDon Giovanni ,

but I wouldn't say it was a fiasco, but

[chuckles] I might.

[intense music]

- [Lucia] I'm not aware of ticket sales.

I was going to be aware of ticket sales,

but I've been told, repeatedly,

it's not my job to sell tickets

and I've sort of taken the hint.

That's not something that they really want me

to be a part of so I'm not gonna be a part of it.

I have plenty of other stuff to worry about, really.

Nobody's answering the elephant in the room.

The elephant in the room is if you can't--

if it's that hard to sell tickets,

and you're funding 90 percent of it outside,

then--then what are you doing?

If we change it to 100 percent of the funding,

is it gonna fill this place?

So this is why I compare Germany and the US all the time.

In Germany, they say, "No, we want art

that is cheap enough for the general public to afford

because we value art and we think it's good

if the general public has art in their life."

But the American system is still looking at it

as like, "Oh, well, we need to make so much ticket sales."

And it's like, if your business model is based on donations,

you're not making profit.

If your art form can't pay for itself by ticket sales,

then does the art form deserve to survive?

I always have to remember why I'm here.

I probably said this before, but, "Remember why you're here,"

is a quote that stuck with me and I'm here to do this show.

In...in here, on this stage.

- Have I ever done this much promotion

for any singer before?

And the answer is absolutely not, never.

She wouldn't be doing all of those events

if I didn't create them for her.

I composed this.

I do have a lot of confidence in my composition abilities.

And, this, I do see this as a kind of composition, I do.

Putting an opera together, creating a star,

it is analogous to composing.

- ♪ Looking off from the river bank ♪

♪ And with an untouched brush ♪

♪ I wiped away astonished tears ♪

90--90 percent there. [laughs]

- For you maybe, about 50 percent of the notes for me,

60 maybe, 60 percent, so.

But I'm the composer, so I can make it up.

- So you're always right? - They always say, you know,

"It doesn't matter if you play wrong notes, you wrote it.

So you can change it while you're playing it."

But it's not true, actually, because it's published.

It's not easy for me to compose as every piece I compose,

I start out thinking, "I can't do this.

I don't know how to do this."

And so each one is a new challenge.

- I'm not assuming anything on you.

I'm just saying that if I go do a role

that I've done before, I don't get the same sort of energy.

- That must be similar to what I get

because everything I do is a world premiere.

- But you've written all these notes before

just in a different order.

[both laugh]

Sorry, that was--that was corny.

- I was in my early 20s and,

you know, when I read about myself

in the New Yorker, I'll never forget that review.

"A genuine creator with a fertile unforced vein

of invention."

I love that quote.

And I was 24, so I thought that's really great.

But I didn't feel like I had arrived yet.

I felt this is going in the right direction.

But composers always feel insecure,

they never feel like they've got enough

or had enough recognition ever.

Imposter syndrome, yeah, I have that.

- I--I don't have that. - You don't have it?

- I know sources of insecurity that were there

that I went back and conquered.

There was a lot of emotional edging,

like coming up to the edge and then going,

"No, I can deal with that," and then coming back

and then pushing that edge and pushing that edge

and pushing and pushing that.

I was a bad clarinet player, I was a bad trumpet player.

I never had quick success in my career

on any level whatsoever.

So everything that I built, it was piece by piece.

I think I've always sort of had a good gauge

of how--how good I am.

I think that if you get too much exposure too soon,

then maybe you can have imposter syndrome.

- Well, imposter syndrome is...is also perfectionism,

you're never good enough and I do have that.

I wish I had a chance to make it better.

- Maybe if I was like making a record album

or something like that, and I could make it perfect

then it would be different.

- And one of my teachers used to say,

"How do you know when a piece is finished?"

And he said, "When you just give up."

[somber music]

- Then it's done?

[chuckles]

- And he said, "Remember, self-doubt

need not be an animal adversary,

but can be trained and kept as a useful pet."

- For what?

- To make you always try to be better

and not feel that everything you write is a masterpiece.

- Hm.

- I didn't know her very well before.

We've gotten to know each other a little bit

in the last year and a half,

but I'm still getting to know her.

The singers in operas that I produce

will always be instruments of the composer

who wrote the operas.

The greatest musical instrument that there is

is actually alive.

They are born and they live and they die.

[music continues]

My London agent, I asked her,

"What happens when--when you die when you're a composer?"

And she said, "Well, you're not played for 35 years,

then you're either played or you're never played."

If you have all your faculties,

you could keep composing until you're 104

as one of my teachers did,

and then he couldn't compose anymore, so he decided to die.

So it's about surviving, really.

[music continues]

- I feel very centered right now, I feel very calm.

The only stuff that I'm actually worrying about

is--is putting the show together.

And the only things that frustrate me or annoy me

are when the process isn't as smooth as I would like.

- Of course, voices are quite vulnerable.

Most singers wake up in the morning

and the first thing they do is go, [hums, sings]

"Oh, yeah, it's okay, it's there today."

- If you are under the weather even just a little bit,

you have to learn how to just get past it.

- [Denni] The timing of our Leporello, Clark, getting sick

was quite fortuitous.

We had put the whole production on its feet.

Everybody knew their staging.

So even though he was sick, he could be at home,

he could be looking through his score lying in his sick bed.

We have an assistant director who stepped in

and physically embodied the role

because he knew all the moves

and could be a warm body in the space

and give people to react from.

And luckily, Hide had sung the role

in a different production.

So we were able to keep moving forward

in the rehearsal process.

[operatic singing]

The difficult thing of course,

is that one of the key relationships in this opera

is between Don Giovanni and Leporello.

And it's a very symbiotic, very, very close relationship.

- I think Tobias was, uh, very worried.

And it was honestly just like a little stomach bug,

not a big deal.

- It felt like a weird sort of ethereal gaslighting,

the other day when we were trying to do the show run.

The voice is coming from somewhere else.

And even if you hit all the things,

it's not the same as having the voice

coming directly from that character.

[bright music]

[singing]

[Hidenori singing]

[Lucia and Hidenori singing]

- [Tobias] In the rehearsal process,

the director and the conductor are always nervous.

If they're not remembering everything exactly

are they gonna pull it off?

- [Michael] The week of the performance

is when things just happen.

The power of adrenaline is amazing, truly,

especially in the opera world.

Without being too shady, I think there's a huge overstep

from confidence into arrogance, it happens a lot.

- [laughing] - [bright music]

- [Lucia] We need a Leporello, like...

that's it.

[operatic singing]

You were fantastic, thank you so much.

- Thank you for your help.

- My help?

[singing continues]

[Michael singing]

- [Lucia] There were things that were question marks,

and had I had Leporello during the room run,

maybe he would have had the same sort of question marks

maybe we would have worked through it,

maybe would have been fine.

Maybe we would have reminded each other, in the moment,

just with him in the right spot and me in the right spot

making the right face.

It would like, trigger everything to happen properly.

The bigger my star gets, the more pressure it is

to deliver all the time.

- [Denni] Do artists want to be famous

or do they want to show what they can do?

I think it's a big difference.

I think the cult of fame,

especially since we've had reality TV,

is a very strange thing these days.

Kids grow up thinking, "I wanna be famous."

And when you ask them, "What do you want to be famous for?"

They don't know, they just say,

"I wanna be famous, I wanna be a celebrity."

That's not a skill, that's not a talent.

Artists have a very specific skill and a talent,

which they use to express either narratives

or political ideas or cultural ideas.

And that's very different from being famous.

[singing]

- If my voice was this tired, in like three or four days,

then I would be concerned.

Using my voice in ways that are not the show,

extra performances that we've done,

extra talking that I've done in loud environments...

[singing]

...that's always a concern.

[singing]

[muffled applause]

[tense music]

I've been trying not to think about the fact

that my dad's coming,

because I need my energy for the show.

And actually having him here is distracting.

He hasn't seen me in 10 years

because going to Europe was too hard for him.

[dramatic music]

[singing]

You know, he has four kids that were going through school

or university or whatever.

[singing]

But still--still feels like a lifetime.

I didn't come out until four and a half years

after I was there and he still hasn't seen me,

he hasn't see me at all.

And it's like, "Oh, you're gonna be performing in the States?

Oh, we'll come see you."

Okay, great.

[singing]

The reason my family has been accepting

is because they knew that I was going to leave them.

I never asked for their acceptance.

I was not asking, I was telling.

I said, "I've had enough, I'm trans, this is it.

If you need to leave, there's the door, don't care."

And I think my approach to it made it different for them.

If I would have went to them and said,

"Hey, I'm thinking about coming out,

is it okay if I come out?"

Then I don't know how they would have reacted.

I'm okay without you, are you okay without me?

[singing]

I know that everybody can't do that.

I know everybody doesn't wanna do that.

But like I already moved to the other side of the world

with my wife, and my wife is my family.

[singing]

And if you wanna be part of my family

or my extended family, that's fine,

but if not, I'm not asking for permission.

Or forgiveness.

[singing]

[applause]

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

- [Denni] I think perhaps, in our profession,

we're all slightly adrenaline junkies.

And the high we get from the premiere,

feeling that you're giving 100 percent of yourself

in that moment,

that you're getting a huge reward for a lot of hard work,

it's a big buzz.

We give up a lot, we sacrifice a lot.

We're not there for family,

we're not there for family birthdays,

we're not there for high school graduation,

we're not there on the first day of school,

we're not there to hold a hand when somebody's sick at home.

We give all of those things up.

But we never really feel like we go to work.

We go on a stage and we play

and we're supported by fantastic music

and we're surrounded by other artists playing around us.

And that's a huge privilege.

Of course, you can't replace family.

But the other thing we all get as freelance artists

are the bits in between where you do get to go home.

So you do also have that in your lives.

And if you're lucky,

and you're surrounded by family and friends and loved ones

who understand that,

you keep that life together as well.

- [Tobias] Does she owe me?

I've had letters from people who run other opera companies

and they wanna hear her.

But I can tell you, already,

that's a sign of success.

- But you have to really hear somebody

in a theater with an orchestra.

It's a kind of a unique thing in that sense

because it's not about the small room,

it's not about the microphone, it's about really connecting.

- [Tobias] The response I saw today from the invitation

that her agent sent out on my behalf,

I said it's very good.

And she said, "Well, yes, I have a very good agent."

And I was thinking, "But, do you...do you...

you remember that I got you that agent, right?"

I think she's very loyal.

She does remember that and that she will.

She will remember.

Some people forget, you know.

You--you give them a chance, they...

they do forget or they don't care, they move on.

I don't think hindsight is 20/20,

I don't see things clearly.

My clearest vision is when I'm creating something new.

- [Lucia] Tobias is why this is happening.

I--I feel an enormous amount of gratitude

and I will always have that gratitude towards him,

no matter where I'm singing, no matter what I'm doing,

and I'm always going to wanna check in with him

and make sure that I'm going in the right direction.

I--I see him as a mentor as well.

To say, look, we've cast a trans woman as Giovanni.

It's her US debut.

She's actually American, she grew up here,

she got training here,

she went away and now she's come back.

Like there's a lot of things

that if you just put my name in the program booklet,

yeah, then it's not anything.

- [dramatic music] - [singing]

Switching back and forth between gender,

the greatest thing about it

is that it shows how silly these boxes are.

It's all a play that everybody does all the time.

[singing continues]

It's just a lot of people buy into it, and I don't.

[laughing]

[grand music]

[ensemble singing]

[dramatic music]

[audience applauding]

[Hidenori singing]

[singing]

- I make...

I make my art for me.

[Lucia singing]

Your art has to be for you.

[singing]

You can't...

[singing]

You can't make other people like you.

- [singing continues] - [breathes deeply]

- You can't live your life for other people.

I tried. [scoffs] Doesn't work.

[muffled singing]

If you're good, then people like you.

And if it's honest, people like you.

Or they won't.

And the people who don't like you, don't...

don't give a shit about them, they don't matter.

The people who like you, hold on to them.

I mean, that was the ultimatum to my family.

[ensemble singing]

- Awesome. Just awesome.

I'm so proud of you.

[audience applauds]

[applause continues]

Amazing, just amazing.

[indistinct]

- Thank you for coming. - It was really...

[applause continues]

Very, very good. Yeah, you did great.

- Thank you, Dad. - [indistinct]

Well, I've been doing it--doing it for 10 years, full time now.

So it's a little bit different than Del Oro High School.

[chuckles] Pajama Game. - Yeah, absolutely.

Uh, yeah, it really turned out good.

[soft music]

- Hi, long time no see. - [Lucia] Thank you so much for coming.

- It was beautiful, you're beautiful.

- [Lucia] It's-- it's a wild show.[laughs]

- It is a long time from DO,

from high school days and college days, so.

- [Lucia] Yeah. - [Kaitlin] It's been great, though.

We'll let you change. - [Jack] Okay.

- [Lucia sighs] - Deep breath.

- [Jack] There's a party out there.

- [Lucia] Yeah, yeah, you're invited to the party.

I don't know exactly where it is.

Can you--can you let them know?

This is Tobias Picker who--

- Tobias, we met him, he brought us down.

Yeah, absolutely. - Yeah, he hired me a little over a year ago

and sang his piece for him and uh...

yeah.

And we're gonna--we're gonna do something in the future,

well, it's public now, right?

- [Tobias] Yeah, we're-- - So he's writing an opera for me.

So we're gonna do Danish Girl

and we'll see what happens with it.

I don't know if you've seen the movie, but...

- [Kaitlin] Oh, no, no. - Um, yeah, it's a historical person.

And then there was a book and a movie

and all sorts of stuff, so.

- [Kaitlin] That's fantastic. - Okay.

- [Lucia sighs] - [Kaitlin] A lot going on.

- Yeah, I need to, like, get out of this.

But we can have a calm time tomorrow.

I mean, as calm as it is with--with the media circus

that is my life right now.

But thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

- [Kaitlin] We'll let you get changed.

- [Lucia] Thank you.

[soft music]

Hey!

- [Ariana] Hey, so? - [chuckles]

I had a great show.

- [Ariana] I tried to stay up all night.

- [chuckles] Did you?

- [Ariana] Lucia, are you okay?

- I'm not just saying that, it was really good.

- [Ariana] What am I telling about?

- About our 10-year anniversary.

- [Ariana] Do you want me to cry?

- [Lucia] We'll celebrate when I get back, okay?

- [Ariana] No, I'm gonna like, hold her in my arms

and I'm not gonna let her go

because I'm scared that she left

and went to scary America.

Everything I read online of what people are saying

about gay people, queer people, all people,

it scares me and she's my wife.

I love her and I worry about her

and especially when she travels far away from me.

That's always in the back of my mind.

I mean, it's so important what she's doing.

She's an opera singer.

The fact that she finds time for everything,

that she makes time for everything.

I think that's incredible.

- We built this together.

- All of the things that she has, like, that's...

that you can't find.

[soft music]

- Trans is such a small part of my identity.

It's shaped some things in my life,

but it's a very small part of my life.

There are much more single events

that have impacted my life

than me being trans.

History is the present's view of the past.

I mean, maybe it means something,

maybe it doesn't mean something.

I hope that individual peoples,

individual connections that I have made

while I've been here,

with trans people, with LGBTQ people, with opera fans,

I hope that it is a worthwhile connection,

human connection that I've made.

[music continues]

I know the story.

In this version of the story

or in all versions of the story, he's bad.

Sexual harassment is bad, toxic masculinity is bad,

but also the groupthink

that tears people's identities away.

This idea of repenting,

that there's only one way to live a life.

I hope that they walk away just with a feeling.

I want you to hate Giovanni, I want you to love him.

I want you to hate yourself for loving him

and then I want you to feel bad.

Everyone.

I want society to feel bad

for stealing Giovanni's identity.

[operatic singing]

A vibrant person.

[singing continues]

Who loves life, who has fun.

[singing continues]

I want them to feel.

[soft music]

[music continues]