Original subtitles

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

*

[PHONE RINGING]

SHERRIFF LANGSTON.

HI DADDY, IT'S KARA.

HI PUMPKIN.

YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME THAT IN A LONG TIME.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO CALL ME THAT.

WELL IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE A LONG TIME TO ME.

DADDY, CAN YOU COME OVER FOR CHRISTMAS?

I WISH I COULD SWEETHEART.

BUT YOUR MOM AND ME...

(DIANE) KARA!

I HEAR YOU ON THE PHONE IN THERE!

GO TO SLEEP.

(KARA) SHE'S DRIVING ME INSANE!

HONEY, YOUR MOM, SHE LOVES YOU OKAY?

SHE'S GOT A VERY, VERY DIFFICULT JOB TO DO, AND NOT

EVERYTHING WAS HER FAULT.

I DID A LOT OF THINGS WRONG TOO, OKAY?

BUT JUST REMEMBER THAT SHE DOES LOVE YOU.

CAN I CALL YOU TOMORROW?

I WOULD LIKE THAT.

GOOD NIGHT DAD.

GOOD NIGHT SWEETHEART.

WHY HELLO, KARA.

WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU HERE IN A LONG TIME.

WHERE AM I?

WHY, THE NORTH POLE OF COURSE.

SANTA'S HOUSE.

BUT WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?

I THINK I'M DREAMING.

YOU ARE.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN DREAMS AREN'T REAL.

HEY, WANT TO TALK TO SANTA?

I DON'T BELIEVE IN SANTA ANYMORE.

I'M TOO OLD.

THIS IS YOUR DREAM.

HELLO KARA.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE.

[WHISPERING]

OH.

OH, THAT IS A TALL ORDER.

AND SO CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS.

OH, I'M VERY BUSY ALREADY.

SO YOU CAN'T DO IT?

OH, NO.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

[POLICE SIREN WAILS]

HELLO SHAUN.

NOT THINKING ABOUT RUNNING, ARE YOU?

NO SIR.

I IMAGINE THAT'S YOU UNDER THAT MASK, ISN'T IT EVAN?

YES SIR.

WELL BOYS, I GUESS WE'D BETTER HEAD ON DOWN TOWN, HAVE A

LITTLE TALK WITH THE SHERIFF.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU PICKED ME TO STAY HERE.

OR HOW MUCH LONGER YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME STAY.

BUT I KNOW YOU'RE TAKING GOOD CARE OF MY EMMA.

AND I DID SOME FOOLISH THINGS WHEN I WAS YOUNG.

EVEN SOME BAD THINGS, AND I AM SORRY FOR IT.

BUT I JUST HOPE I'VE DONE ENOUGH GOOD SO THAT I CAN SEE

HER AGAIN.

SO, IF I'VE GOT A MONTH OR TWO, OR EVEN FIVE OR

TEN YEARS.

YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, LORD,

AND I'LL DO IT.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

HERE FOR THE SHOW, MR. HAROLD?

WHAT SHOW IS THAT?

THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT, OF COURSE?

IS THAT TONIGHT?

YEAH, IT'S TO...

WELL, YEAH.

YOU'RE TEASING ME AGAIN.

I GET IT.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

YEAH, I'LL BE AT THE SHOW.

GOOD.

BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO TALK.

OH, OH SURE.

YEAH, I'M, I'M ALWAYS AVAILABLE TO CHAT.

WHAT WOULD YOU, UH, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT?

WHAT YEAR WERE YOU BORN?

1968, WHY?

HM, 1968.

I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS LAST WEEK.

ME AND MY BOY DROVE OVER TO DETROIT AND SAT IN TIGER

STADIUM.

THE OLD TIGER STADIUM, AND WATCHED THEM WIN THE

WORLD SERIES.

WOW.

MY SON CAN'T MAKE IT FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.

1968!

YEP.

LOOK, WELL, NO DISRESPECT PASTOR, BUT YOU'RE JUST A BOY.

OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN.

WHY DON'T YOU GO AND, UH, GET YOUR SHEEP OR YOUR ANGEL WINGS

OR...

PRACTICE YOUR SONGS.

[CHUCKLES]

I'LL JUST SIT HERE AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ANOTHER

OLD MAN.

ALRIGHT.

SEE YOU TONIGHT, MR. HAROLD.

HE'LL BE THERE WHEN HE GETS THERE.

HE'LL BE THERE WHEN HE GETS THERE!

ALRIGHT.

I SEE TWEEDLEDEE IS BACK.

WHO'S TWEEDLEDUM?

LOSE THE MASK, EVAN.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE?

SHAUN, HOW'S YOUR MOM?

FINE.

MM?

HOW'S SHE GOING TO FEEL ABOUT COMING DOWN HERE TO THE

STATION TO PICK YOU UP.

LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY.

YEAH?

WELL SORRY AIN'T GONNA CUT IT.

[DOG GROWLS]

WOAH, TOM. EASY.

I SAY WE LOCK 'EM UP.

NOTHING MORE FUN THAN SPENDING CHRISTMAS IN JAIL, HUH BOYS?

IT WAS JUST EGGS!

JUST EGGS?

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU GOT LITTERING, VANDALISM, DESTRUCTION OF

PUBLIC PROPERTY.

I THINK YOU MIGHT'VE BROKEN A FIREMAN ORDINANCE!

LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABOUT 30 DAYS IN THE SLAMMER FOR YOU GUYS.

PLUS YOU'RE BOTH GOING TO GET KICKED OFF THE

BASKETBALL TEAM.

PLEASE, I'M REALLY SORRY!

I...

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!

YEAH, ME TOO SHERIFF LANGSTON.

LOOK, PLEASE DON'T LOCK US UP, ALRIGHT?

MY DAD JUST LOST HIS JOB AND MY PAPER ROUTE IS THE ONLY

MONEY WE HAVE COMING IN RIGHT NOW.

JUST, JUST PLEASE.

WELL, LOOK, IT'S NOT REALLY UP TO ME ANYMORE, GUYS.

YEAH, I'M GOING TO THE BIG CITY NEXT WEEK.

TOM'S THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO BE IN CHARGE, SO TOM'S GOING

TO BE THE ONE MAKING THE CALLS.

I DO?

I MEAN.

YEAH, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT.

I DO.

PLUS, THESE ARE SOME PRETTY SERIOUS OFFENSES BOYS.

ALRIGHT GUYS, PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD, LET'S MOVE IT

TO THE CAGE.

NO, WAIT ONE SECOND TOM.

OBVIOUSLY YOU BOTH KNOW WHERE MR. HAROLD LIVES, RIGHT?

FIRST THING YOU'RE GOING TO DO IS YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO

MR. HAROLD'S HOUSE AND YOU'RE GOING TO CLEAN THE OUTSIDE OF

HIS HOUSE.

GET THOSE EGGS OFF COMPLETELY.

NOW MR. HAROLD, HE'S KIND OF AN OLD GUY NOW.

HE HAS TROUBLE SHOVELING HIS SIDEWALK.

I WANT YOU TWO TO MAKE SURE THAT MR. HAROLD'S SIDEWALK IS

CLEAR OF SNOW FOR THE ENTIRE WINTER.

IF TOM DRIVES BY ONE TIME AND SEES SOME SNOW ON THAT

SIDEWALK, CONSIDER YOUR PAROLE REVOKED AND YOU'RE GOING DOWN.

PAROLE?

PAROLE!

Y-YES SIR.

THANK YOU SIR.

HOPE YOU BOYS KNOW EXACTLY HOW GENEROUS THIS OFFER IS.

W-WE DO.

SIR.

Y-YEAH, WE DO SIR.

YES SIR, THANK YOU SIR.

I THINK I SAW SOME SNOW ON HIS SIDEWALK TODAY.

NOW GO ON!

HUSTLE!

WELL, ANOTHER MAJOR CASE CRACKED HERE IN ROCKFORD.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO MISS IT WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR THE BIG

CITY, RICK.

EH, NOT LIKELY.

A COUPLE OF HARDENED CRIMINALS OFF THE STREETS AND ONTO THE

SIDEWALK.

LET'S GO TELL THEIR PARENTS.

AW, COME ON.

I MEAN IT'S UP TO YOU, BUT, THEY'RE GOOD KIDS.

THEY'RE JUST BORED HERE IN ROCKFORD.

THEY NEED SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE TO DO.

WELL THEY GOT THAT NOW.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET BACK OUT ON PATROL?

OH, COME ON SHERIFF.

IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE.

YOU KNOW THE HEATER'S NOT WORKING IN MY CAR.

BESIDES, THERE'S NO CRIME HERE ANYWAY.

YOU'RE THE BOSS.

NOT 'TIL NEXT WEEK.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY.

I STOLE THE STATUE OF THE BABY JESUS FROM THE N-NATIVITY SCENE

FROM THE CHURCH.

AND EARLIER, I CAME IN TO TURN MYSELF IN.

BUT SHIRLEY WOULDN'T LOCK ME UP!

CAN'T HAVE YOU STEALING FROM THE CHURCH RAINER.

IN YOU GO.

TOM, GATHER UP THE EVIDENCE.

I-I-IT'S THE ONLY REPLACEMENT I COULD FIND.

WHO IN THE HECK WOULD STEAL THE BABY JESUS?

YEAH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE.

FORGIVE ME.

WELL DO YOU HAVE ANY SWADDLING CLOTHES?

YEAH, THE CLOTHES THAT A BABY SWADDLES IN.

I DON'T...

FINE.

YEP, I'LL, I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

DANG IT.

SORRY, YEAH, SORRY, FORGIVE ME.

SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.

THIS HAS GOT TO BE BLASPHEMOUS.

THAT'S A GOOD BOY.

AWW YEAH, LOOK AT THAT.

THAT'S A GOOD BOY!

SHIRLEY, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE DOGS.

I DON'T LIKE DOGS.

AND WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE WE LOCKING RAINER UP FOR?

THAT OLD DRUNK IS JUST LOOKING FOR A WARM BED AND A HOT MEAL.

SHIRLEY, HE STOLE THE BABY JESUS.

THEN HE CAN GO PUT IT BACK!

SHIRLEY, HEH.

HE'S LUCKY I DIDN'T SLAP HIM.

OH, YOU'RE REAL TOUGH WHEN I'M IN HANDCUFFS.

YOU AIN'T IN HANDCUFFS YOU OLD FOOL!

[RAINER CHUCKLES]

CAN I SLAP HIM?

NO, YOU CAN'T SLAP HIM SHIRLEY.

(RAINER) POLICE BRUTALITY!

OH, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME POLICE BRUTALITY.

OH YEAH.

SHIRLEY, ANY MESSAGES FOR ME TODAY?

NO MESSAGES FROM YOUR BIG NEW JOB IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE

ASKING.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M ASKING, BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AND YOUR EX-WIFE CALLED.

WELL WHAT'D SHE SAY?

IS SHE GOING TO BRING KARA BY TOMORROW?

SHE SAID, AND I QUOTE, "I GOT CUSTODY THIS CHRISTMAS, SO HE

CAN TAKE HIS THOUGHTS OF VISITATION AND HIS STUPID NEW

JOB AND CRAM 'EM UP HIS TIGHT LITTLE..."

OKAY, I GET THE GIST OF IT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SORRY.

WHATEVER.

THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT, SHERIFF.

IN FACT, IT'S SO WRONG, I THINK YOU OUGHT TO ARREST HER.

OUT OF MY JURISDICTION, OR I JUST MIGHT.

THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

I HATE CHRISTMAS ANYWAY.

IT'S JUST A FABRICATED HOLIDAY SO THEY CAN SELL A BUNCH OF

GARBAGE TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T REALLY NEED IT.

DON'T LET THAT EVIL WOMAN GET TO YOU.

CHRISTMAS IS A CELEBRATION OF ALL THAT'S GOOD IN THE WORLD.

I AGREE.

HUSH UP!

[SNORTS]

OOH!

[GRUMBLES]

HEY SHIRLEY, DID YOU FIND THAT COMMANDO DUTCH ACTION FIGURE

FOR ME?

(VOICE ON TV) WHEREVER THE ACTION IS THE HOTTEST, THAT'S

WHERE YOU'LL FIND HIM: COMMANDO DUTCH!

HE'S GOT WOODEN SHOES AND HE'S BRINGING THE BAD NEWS.

YES, I GET MY COMMANDO DUTCH THIS YEAR, SYLVIA.

SANTA'LL BRING ME TWO OF THEM.

WITH MUSCLES LIKE THAT, MAYBE I'LL ASK SANTA TO BRING ME TWO

OF THEM.

(SHIRLEY) I LOOKED EVERY PLACE.

NOBODY HAS ANY LEFT!

IT'S THE HOTTEST TOY THIS CHRISTMAS!

THEY ACTUALLY LAUGHED AT ME FOR THINKING THAT I COULD GET

ONE ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

THEY'VE BEEN SOLD OUT FOR MONTHS!

WHY DIDN'T I READ CHRISTOPHER'S LETTER SOONER...

LISTEN TO THIS.

THIS...

"DEAR SANTA, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS COMMANDO DUTCH.

P.S. PLEASE BRING TWO IF YOU CAN.

I'VE BEEN A VERY GOOD BOY THIS YEAR."

THAT'S GREAT.

I GET TO GO HOME AND BREAK HIS HEART.

AH, DON'T WORRY.

I'M SURE HE'S GOING TO ENJOY ALL THE OTHER GIFTS THAT YOU

BOUGHT FOR HIM.

YEAH, HAVE YOU MET MY SON?

YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

IT'S COMMANDO DUTCH OR NOTHING.

I TRIED TO GET IT!

DON'T BLAME ME THAT YOU WAITED UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE TO SHOP.

I'M NOT BLAMING YOU SHIRLEY.

WILL YOU HOLD IT DOWN?

I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!

YOU DON'T KNOW, L-LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU...

WHAT?

KEEP ON FLAPPING IN THERE AND I'M GOING TO COME IN THERE...

KIDS, KIDS!

AND IN A MINUTE, TO THE MOON RAINER!

KIDS, KIDS!

I'M GOING TO SQUASH YOU INTO SUMMER TIME!

PLEASE!

SHIRLEY, HOW'D YOUR TOY DRIVE GO THIS YEAR?

WELL, WE ONLY REACHED ABOUT HALF OUR GOAL, BUT IT'S STILL GOOD.

REACHING THAT GOAL WAS MY CHRISTMAS WISH FOR THOSE

CHILDREN, BUT WE'LL GET IT NEXT YEAR.

ALRIGHT, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

TOM, SHIRLEY, YOU GUYS GO HOME.

SHIRLEY, IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND, PLEASE DROP BABY JESUS BACK

OFF AT THE CHURCH FOR ME?

I AIN'T GOT TIME TO DROP THAT OFF AT THE CHURCH!

I GOTTA GO HOME AND GET DRESSED, AND THEN I'M OFF TO

CH...

CHURCH.

FINE.

I'LL TAKE IT BACK.

YOU HEAR THAT OLD MAN?

I'M COVERING YOUR BEHIND!

I LOVE YOU SHIRLEY.

YOU HUSH UP, YOU OLD FOOL.

HEY, I OVERHEARD WHAT YOUR EX SAID ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER.

I'M SORRY.

EH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

NO, IT'S NOT RIGHT.

A FATHER OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH HIS KID.

DIANE IS A COLD-HEARTED WOMAN.

GAVE YOU A GREAT DAUGHTER THOUGH.

YEAH, SHE DID.

PRETTY GIRL TOO.

YOU KNOW, ON THE RIDE OVER HERE, I HEARD EVAN AND SHAUN

TALKING ABOUT HERE.

SEE TOM, THAT'S WHY I HAVE A GUN.

[LAUGHS]

THERE'S NO NEED TO BE ALONE TONIGHT.

I'M HAVING MY LITTLE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER?

NAH, I-I DON'T THINK SO.

COME ON, ME, YOU, THE WIFE AND KID.

COUPLE FRIENDS.

OH, AND MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

YOU REMEMBER HER.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST, BUT I THINK I'M GONNA

HAVE TO PASS.

[CHUCKLES]

NO, NO.

PLUS, I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO CHRISTOPHER WHINE ALL NIGHT

"DADDY, WHERE'S MY COMMANDO DUTCH!"

YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO IT EITHER.

(RAINER) I'LL GO!

I LIKE HEARING KIDS WHINE.

I LIKE ANY KIND OF WINE.

[LAUGHS]

OOH, HEY, MAYBE ME AND THE MOTHER-IN-LAW WILL HIT IT OFF.

HEY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO SLEEP.

YOU KNOW, SHE DOES LIKE TO DRINK.

OOH, I LIKE HER ALREADY.

NO, SORRY RAINER.

YOU CAN'T GO.

YOU ARE BUSTED FOR STEALING BABY JESUS.

I DIDN'T DO IT!

OH NO?

WHO DID.

I SAW SHIRLEY WITH HIM.

[LAUGHS]

YEAH, NICE TRY.

ALRIGHT, I GUESS I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE, BUT YOU'RE,

YOU'RE SURE?

YOU DON'T WANT TO STOP BY FOR ONE QUICK DRINK?

AH, I'D JUST BRING THE PARTY DOWN.

ALRIGHT BUD, WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYWAY.

I HATE CHRISTMAS.

I HEARD THAT.

SHUSH!

ALRIGHT, MAX OLD BUDDY.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME PARTNER.

I REMEMBER THAT CHRISTMAS.

[KARA SHOUTS EXCITEDLY]

KARA, HONEY, SLOW DOWN.

NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE.

OH, KARA BE CAREFUL!

[LAUGHS]

OH, RICK!

GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!

RICK!

MERRY CHRISTMAS CARE BEAR.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HER?

RAINER, IF YOU DON'T KEEP QUIET IN THERE, I'M GOING TO

GO GET THAT BABY JESUS STATUE AND BEAT YOU WITH IT.

POLICE BRUTALITY.

OR ON SECOND THOUGHT, I COULD JUST LET YOU OUT AND PUT YOU

BACK OUT IN THE COLD WINTER WONDERLAND.

NO NO, I, I'LL BE, I'LL BE QUIET, I'LL BE QUIET.

QUIET, QUIET AS A CHURCH MOUCE.

[LAUGHS]

GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE!

OH, HELP ME!

[PHONE RINGING]

SHERIFF LANGSTON.

DADDY, IT'S KARA.

OH HEY SWEETHEART.

UH, HOW YOU DOING?

I WAS JUST UH...

I WAS JUST WATCHING A VIDEO FROM CHRISTMAS PAST.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

DADDY, ARE YOU COMING OVER?

I'VE GOT LOTS OF PRESENTS AND THERE'S ONE FOR YOU.

AND I PROMISE NOT TO KNOCK OVER THE TREE THIS YEAR!

HONEY, IT WOULDN'T BE CHRISTMAS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOCK

OVER THE TREE.

BUT YOU KNOW I'M WORKING, UM, I CAN'T MAKE IT THIS YEAR.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU.

(DIANE) WHO'S THAT ON THE PHONE?

IT'S DADDY!

(DIANE) HANG UP!

[CLICK]

I'M HOME!

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

UGH, IT WAS MISERABLE.

THE HEATER WENT OUT IN MY CAR AGAIN.

I WAS FREEZING ALL DAY.

WELL ANY DAY WHERE YOU DON'T GET SHOT IS A GOOD DAY FOR ME.

NOT FOR ME.

MOM, STOP.

WHY?

HEY BUD!

HEY THERE!

DADDY!

YEAH?

I'M GETTING COMMANDER DUTCH.

TWO OF THEM!

TWO OF EM, HUH?

SO DID YOU GET THEM?

I LOOKED EVERYWHERE.

I COULDN'T FIND THEM.

OF COURSE NOT.

I TOLD YOU, YOU SHOULD'VE MARRIED THE DENTIST.

THAT'S OKAY.

WE HAVE PLENTY.

SYLVIA, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

OH HONEY, JUST YOUR FATHER'S LATEST FAILURE.

NOTHING, BUDDY.

JUST DINNER.

WHY DON'T YOU GO HELP GRANDMA FIX HERSELF ANOTHER DRINK?

DON'T CALL ME GRANDMA!

NOW, I HAVE AN EARLY PRESENT FOR YOU.

IT'S SOMETHING VERY WARM THAT YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK VERY

CUTE IN.

DON'T EVEN TRY TO SAY NO!

OH, WENDY.

I BOUGHT ONE FOR EVERYBODY AND WE'RE GOING TO TAKE PICTURES

BY THE TREE.

ALRIGHT.

NOW, GO GET CHANGED.

I HAVE HOT SOUP WAITING FOR YOU, AND I'M GOING TO PUT ON

SOME WATER FOR TEA.

HEY.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

NOW GO.

GO GO GO!

I HAVE HOT FOOD WAITING FOR YOU!

I'M HEADING OIUT, RAINER.

YOU HOLD DOWN THE FORT.

WELL COULD YOU GET ME SOME DINNER?

IT'S TOO LATE FOR DINNER.

YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING.

BUT I DIDN'T GET ANY DINNER!

CHECK INTO THE HOTEL EARLIER NEXT TIME.

YOU KNOW THE RULES!

COME ON MAX.

THAT'S CRUEL RICK!

BAH HUMBUG.

* GOOD TIDINGS WE BRING, TO YOU AND YOUR KIN *

* GOOD TIDINGS FOR CHRISTMAS *

* AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

BYE, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

BYE!

*

WHITE CHRISTMAS?

I'M NOT DREAMING ABOUT A WHITE CHRISTMAS.

WHO WANTS A WHITE CHRISTMAS?

IT'S JUST COLD!

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

ONE MORE WEEK AND I'M OUT OF HERE.

WHAT?

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

TOM WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU, BUDDY.

HE WILL.

WHAT IS THIS?

HEY!

HI GUYS.

HEY, YEAH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, SURE.

WHAT THE...?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

KNOCK IT OFF! DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS?

WE'RE SORRY SHERIFF.

WE WERE JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

I GUESS IT GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

WELL HOW WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE

CLINK?

HOW WOULD THAT BE FOR CHRISTMAS?

I THINK I'VE HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH EGG NOG.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SHERIFF.

[ALL SAYING MERRY CHRISTMAS]

JUST QUIT THROWING SNOWBALLS AND GO HOME!

[ALL SAYING BYE]

ONE MESSAGE.

HI, SHERIFF LANGSTON.

THIS IS JIM MILLER FROM THE CITY OF GRAND RAPIDS.

LISTEN, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT THE

CHIEF OF POLICE JOB FOR WHICH YOU APPLIED, AND I KNOW YOU

WERE ACCEPTED, WELL IT'S NO LONGER AVAILABLE.

OUR CURRENT CHIEF HAS DECIDED TO RENEW HIS CONTRACT FOR

ANOTHER THREE YEARS.

I SINCERELY HOPE THIS ISN'T GOING TO CAUSE YOU TOO MUCH OF

AN INCONVENIENCE, AND WELL, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY

CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS...

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

HEY RICK.

HEY, YOU KNOW IF YOU PUT THE RED POLICE CRUISER LIGHTS ON,

PEOPLE PASSING BY MIGHT MISTAKE 'EM FOR

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.

OH, INTERESTING.

AND I WAS THINKING THAT I MIGHT THROW YOU IN THE BACK OF

MY SQUAD CAR AND YOU MIGHT BE OUT BY NEW YEARS EVE.

AH, GEEZ RICK.

I'M ONLY KIDDING.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY ELSE'S HOUSE ON THE BLOCK IS LIT UP, AND I

WAS JUST THINKING THAT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE....

YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME AND ENJOY PAYING YOUR

STUPID ELECTRIC BILL.

FREEZE!

WELL YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MILK AND YOU DIDN'T LAY OUT ANY

COOKIES!

I DON'T KEEP COOKIES IN THE HOUSE, AND I SAID FREEZE!

HOLIDAYS GOT YOU DOWN?

JOB TROUBLES?

PUT MY BREAD DOWN AND PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!

FINE.

I'M DONE WITH IT ANYHOW.

TOM, TOM COME IN ARE YOU THERE?

HEY, RICK.

YOU ON YOUR WAY OVER?

YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

GET THIS, I'VE GOT A B & E AT MY HOUSE.

I HAVE ONE SUSPECT IN CUSTODY AND THERE MAY BE OTHERS.

NO ONE ELSE.

IT'S JUST ME RICK.

EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT.

MAY I PUT AWAY THE MAYONNAISE?

I WOULDN'T WANT IT TO GO BAD.

DON'T MOVE.

MAX...

[MAX BARKS]

HOLD!

GOOD BOY. MAX!

YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

THIS IS A NICE DOG, RICK.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIREN WAILING]

RICK, I'M HERE!

I'M HERE BUDDY!

I'M HERE!

RICK!

RICK?

RICK, I'M HERE BUDDY!

WHAT HAPPENED?

FOUND THIS OLD COOT RUMMAGING THROUGH MY FRIDGE.

YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE TO BREAK INTO PAL.

LUCKY I DIDN'T SHOOT HIM.

IS HE ARMED?

WELL HE HAD A LOAF OF MY BREAD IN HIS HANDS AND...

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

FOOTED PAJAMAS.

WENDY GOT A PAIR FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHOSE HOUSE YOU'RE IN?

WELL OF COURSE I DO, TOM.

HE'S SHERIFF RICK LANGSTON.

YOU KNOW MY NAME.

WHAT, HOW DO YOU, WHO ARE YOU?

HO HO HO!

THIS GUY'S CREEPY, RICK.

I'D BETTER COME ON DOWN TO THE STATION WITH YOU.

NO, NO, NO.

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY I EVEN CALLED YOU IN TO BEGIN WITH.

IT'S FINE.

I GOT A HANDLE ON THIS.

NO, THAT'S ALRIGHT.

HE LOOKS DANGEROUS.

WHAT, ARE YOU AVOIDING GOING HOME?

YEAH, WHY DO YOU THINK I'M STILL HERE.

MOTHER-IN-LAW.

HEH, YEAH.

GO HOME.

OH, BE SURE TO TELL CHRISTOPHER THAT I READ HIS LETTER.

YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT LETTER?

WHY DO YOU KNOW MY SON'S NAME?

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.

TOM, HE'S OBVIOUSLY A LOCAL.

HE'S JUST A LOCAL.

GO HOME.

NICE LIGHTS GUYS.

RED, BLUE,

[CHUCKLES]

GET OFF MY PORCH!

JOKING, RICK.

JUST JOKING AGAIN.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

ARE YOU ARRESTING SANTA CLAUS?

OH, NO, WE'RE NOT ARRESTING SANTA.

SIR, GO HOME PLEASE.

NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME.

HELLO RAINER.

HEH.

I MADE YOU A SANDWICH.

THANK YOU!

OH, NO PROBLEM RAINER.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[CHUCKLES]

ALL HE WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS WAS A MEAL.

I FRISKED YOU.

W-WHERE DID YOU HIDE...

BITE?

OH, NO.

I'M GOOD.

[LAUGHS]

DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED A SANDWICH?

[BOTH LAUGH]

BESIDES, I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR MILK AND COOKIES.

OH, LOTS OF MILK AND COOKIES TONIGHT.

[LAUGHING]

HOLD IT DOWN IN THERE!

RICK?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SO MISERABLE?

WHAT ARE YOU, DR. SANTA?

DR. SANTA?

[LAUGHS]

NO, I'M NO DOCTOR.

AND I'M NOT MISERABLE.

DID YOU BRING ME A SANDWICH?

NO.

THEN YOU'RE MISERABLE.

RAINER!

I'LL TELL YOU WHY, RICK.

YOU MISS YOUR DAUGHTER.

EXCUSE ME?

W-WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY DAUGHTER?

I KNOW IF KARA'S BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE.

YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DAUGHTER, OR TOM'S SON, OR

ANYONE'S KIDS.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

NOT TALKING ABOUT IT WON'T FIX THE PROBLEM.

YOU LEAVE KARA OUT OF IT.

LIKE YOU ALWAYS DID.

I'M A GOOD FATHER!

OKAY, OKAY!

JUST, CALM DOWN!

BUT ARE YOU REALLY, RICK?

A GOOD FATHER?

WELL, LET'S SEE.

FAIR, AND EVEN THAT MAY STILL BE OPEN TO DEBATE.

BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS A LOUSY HUSBAND.

I AM WARNING YOU, PAL.

THAT'S WHY YOUR EX-WIFE DIANE IS WITH FREDERICO.

WHAT?

WHO'S FREDERICO?

OH, A GOOD MAN THAT LOVES CHRISTMAS.

I AM A GOOD MAN WHO...

LIKES CHRISTMAS.

OH, ARE YOU BUYING ANY OF THIS RAINER?

[GRUNTS]

W-WHATEVER.

GOOD LUCK TO FREDDY THEN.

THAT DIANE'S A REAL HANDFUL, HUH RICKY?

HUSH, RAINER?

AH, RICK.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW LOVE IF IT WALKED RIGHT THROUGH THAT DOOR

AND FELL INTO YOUR ARMS.

YES, I WOULD.

NO YOU WON'T.

YES I WOULD.

WOULDN'T.

WOULD.

EXCUSE ME!

[RAINER AND RICK SHOUTING WOULD/WOULDN'T BACK AND FORTH]

EXCUSE ME!

HOW OLD ARE YOU TWO?

EXCUSE ME!

HI.

NOT A WORD.

OH, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

YEAH, YOU WERE THINKING IT.

NUH UH.

THAT WAS ME, SHERIFF.

HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING MA'AM, MAY I HELP YOU?

UH, YEAH, OH, OW!

GOSH, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

[LAUGHING]

OH, WELL SHERIFF, I THINK YOU JUST DID.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

MOM...

RICK WANTS LOVE FOR CHRISTMAS.

PFFT.

SANDWICHES ARE BETTER.

[CHUCKLING]

UH, IT'S OKAY.

UH, I'M THE SHERIFF.

AND THAT MEANS?

ALANA!

UH, IT MEANS THAT YOU CAN TRUST ME.

I'M SORRY, SHERIFF.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MY DAUGHTER'S BEHAVIOR.

WE JUST MOVED TO TOWN AND SHE'S TESTING THE LIMITS OF

HER NEW SURROUNDINGS HERE.

WELL, MY NAME'S RICK.

RICK LANGSTON.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP CALLING ME SHERIFF.

OH, OKAY, WELL, RICK IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'M LUCY.

UM, THIS IS MY DAUGHTER ALANA.

HI, UH, YEAH, UH, MY DAUGHTER KARA.

SHE TESTED THE LIMITS OF HER NEW SURROUNDINGS WHEN WE FIRST

MOVED HERE TOO.

OH, YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER?

YEAH, UH, NOT MARRIED ANYMORE.

NOT WHAT SHE ASKED.

UH, A-AND MY DAUGHTER KARA, SHE'S ABOUT THE SAME AGE AS

ALANA HERE.

THAT KID ALANA, SHE WANTS LOVE TOO?

NAH.

SHE WANTS A FRIEND.

OH, I SEE.

LUCY, THE MOM.

SHE WANTS LOVE.

OH. OH!

OH, I'M SENSING A THEME HERE.

HO HO HO!

WHY ARE THOSE TWO LOCKED UP?

THEY DON'T LOOK TOO DANGEROUS.

UH, WELL THE, THE LITTLE GUY FOR STEALING, AND THEN THE FAT

ONE FOR BREAKING AND ENTERING.

IT'S NOT NICE TO CALL PEOPLE FAT, RICK.

AND I'M NOT SO LITTLE.

UH, ANYWAY, UM, THE REASON FOR STOPPING BY IS WE JUST WANTED

TO DROP OFF THESE CANNED GOODS AND SOME TOYS TO THOSE WHO ARE

LESS FORTUNATE THAN US THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.

MOM, WE'RE THE LEAST FORTUNATE PEOPLE I KNOW.

OKAY, ALANA, YOU MAY GO SIT IN THE CAR.

THANK YOU.

WHATEVER.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MY DAUGHTER'S BEHAVIOR.

SHE'S REALLY HAVING A TOUGH TIME WITH THIS TRANSITION.

SHE JUST, SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS YET.

SO, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

UH, Y-YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT

AT HER AGE ESPECIALLY.

MAYBE YOU WANT TO TRY THE, UH, THE CHURCH SERVICE TONIGHT.

THERE'S GONNA BE A CHRISTMAS PAGEANT AND PROBABLY A LOT OF

KIDS ALANA'S AGE.

OH REALLY?

OH, IS YOUR DAUGHTER GOING TO BE THERE?

NO, NO, SHE WON'T.

LONG STORY, UM.

ACTUALLY SHORT STORY.

HER MOTHER, SPAWN OF SATAN.

[LAUGHING] OKAY!

WELL TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.

NO, I'M SORRY THAT'S BAD TASTE.

SHE'S...

NO, IT'S FINE.

UM, HONESTLY, I DON'T THINK I COULD GET ALANA TO GO ANYWAY.

I MEAN, I PRACTICALLY HAD TO BRIBE HER JUST TO GET HER TO

COME HERE AND HAND OUT CANNING GOODS, SO...

OH, SHE'LL GO.

UH, UH, I BEG YOUR PARDON SIR, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW

MY DAUGHTER.

WELL SURE I DO.

AND SHE WILL.

AND THEN AFTERWARD, WHY DON'T YOU GO OVER TO TOM'S?

WHO IS TOM?

UH, TOM IS MY DEPUTY HERE.

HE'S HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT.

JUST FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

OH, UH, WELL NO, I COULDN'T.

OH, TOM WOULDN'T MIND.

WELL, UH, ARE YOU GOING?

UH...

YEAH, YES, I AM.

OKAY, WELL MAYBE WE'LL STOP BY.

WILL I SEE YOU AT CHURCH TOO?

UH, NO, NOT AT CHURCH.

CHURCH AND I, THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD MIX.

OH, WELL I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

YEAH, BUT UH, I'LL SEE YOU HERE AT EIGHT.

OKAY.

UM, SO WHERE IS IT?

UH, AT TOM'S.

AND WHERE IS THAT.

SORRY, IT'S UH, 27 LILAC LANE.

OKAY, 27...

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I KNOW WHERE THAT IS.

I'M SORRY, I'M NEW IN TOWN.

MAYBE, MAYBE IT'S JUST BEST IF WE MEET HERE.

OKAY GREAT, UH, WE'LL MEET HERE, UH, AT EIGHT, AFTER CHURCH.

IT'S A DATE!

IT.

D-DATE, OH.

I JUST, I MEANT THAT, YOU KNOW, IT, JUST A RHYME.

IT'S LIKE EIGHT, DATE.

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

OKAY, I'M GOING TO GO, UH, BECAUSE ALANA'S PROBABLY

TERRORIZING THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT BY NOW, SO...

THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD, LUCY.

I'LL MAKE SURE IT GOES TO GOOD USE.

YOU ARE SO WELCOME.

YOU KNOW, HE REALLY DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THE TYPE THAT WOULD

BREAK AND ENTER.

YEAH, WELL, HAVE HIM BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE, AND THEN LET

ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD ON THAT ONE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER RICK.

OKAY.

WELL?

WELL WHAT?

I TOLD YOU HE WOULDN'T KNOW IT.

YOU CALLED IT SANTA.

WHATEVER.

I'LL BE BACK TO CHECK ON YOU GUYS AT 8.

BYE RICKY!

UH, YOU KNOW RICK, I'M NOT A LAWYER, BUT I BELIEVE I'M

ENTITLED TO ONE PHONE CALL.

SURE.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO CALL?

A MR. HAROLD.

MR. HAROLD HERE IN TOWN?

OH, NO.

I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO HIS SON IN CHICAGO.

[LAID BACK MUSIC]

*

MERRY CHRISTMAS SHERIFF.

YEAH, UH, CAN I HAVE A BEER, A COUPLE HOT DOGS AND SOME

FRIES, PLEASE?

I WILL HAVE THAT RIGHT OUT TO YOU.

THANK YOU.

EVENING SHERIFF.

HELLO MR. HAROLD, HOW ARE YOU SIR?

WELL, I'M OLD, BACK HURTS, FEET...

TAKING A...

OLD ACHY BODY, JUST...

TOO MUCH STANDING, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN SHERIFF?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?

WELL, THAT WOULD BE NICE, THANK YOU.

YES SIR. IT WOULD BE NICE.

YOU KNOW, I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG TIME.

I KNEW YOUR FATHER.

I WAS THERE THAT DAY WHEN YOU RAN THOSE THREE TOUCHDOWNS

AGAINST EAST GRAND RAPIDS.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE ELECTED SHERIFF.

SIR, I-I DON'T HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF TIME TONIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S ALRIGHT.

I HAVE PLENTY.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU RICK.

AND YOU'RE JUST NOT YOURSELF THESE DAYS.

SIR, DOES YOUR SON HAVE A FRIEND IN TOWN THAT THINKS

HE'S SANTA CLAUS?

SEE, NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT RICK.

YOU'RE CRACKING UP.

NO...

YOU, AND YOU'RE GRUMPY.

THAT JUST ISN'T YOU.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING MR. HAROLD.

NO, UH, WHAT DID HE ORDER?

TWO HOT DOGS, FRIES AND A BEER.

WHAT?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

WE'RE NOT IN OUR 20S ANYMORE.

YOU CAN'T EAT THAT KIND OF STUFF, RICK.

GIVE US TWO SALADS WITH CHICKEN.

AND TWO COFFEES!

WE MIGHT BE HERE A WHILE.

COMING RIGHT UP.

NO, NO!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT RELIGION IS, RICK?

HM, RELIGION?

YES, YES, LOOK, LOOK.

I'M GOING OVER TO THE CHURCH TONIGHT AND THE PASTOR, HE'S

GOING TO TELL ME ONE THING, AND ANOTHER CHURCH IN A SMALL

TOWN SOMEWHERE, THE PRIEST IS TELLING HIS PEOPLE

ANOTHER THING.

AND THREE WEEKS AGO, THERE WAS IN A TEMPLE SOMEWHERE, THERE

WAS A RABBI THAT WAS TELLING HIS PEOPLE SOMETHING ELSE.

NOW THEY'RE ALL THREE RIGHT.

BUT THEY'RE ALL THREE WRONG, TOO.

NOW WAIT, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

RELIGION IS MAKING THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU HAPPY.

IT'S MAKING THE WHOLE WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN.

SEE, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN

TO IT, BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.

YOU GOTTA GET YOUR SMILE BACK, RICK.

SO YOU AND I, WE'RE GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED SOME CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.

YEAH, I DID.

MAY WE COME IN?

I PLUGGED THEM IN AT MY HOUSE NEXT DOOR.

DO YOU THINK THAT REALLY MATTERS TO ME?

I MEAN, DO I LOOK LIKE I'M IN A CHRISTMAS MOOD?

IT WASN'T MY IDEA.

OKAY, WHOSE IDEA WAS IT THEN?

WHAT THE...

LANGUAGE!

I BROUGHT MY OWN MILK AND COOKIES.

LOTS OF PEOPLE HAVE LEFT THEM OUT FOR ME TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW YOU JUST ADDED A FELONY ESCAPE CHARGE, RIGHT?

HO, HO, HO!

[PHONE RINGS]

OH, BETTER ANSWER IT.

COULD BE IMPORTANT!

YOU STAY HERE.

HELLO.

SHE'S RUN OFF, RICK!

WHO IS THIS?

IT'S DIANE YOU IGNORANT FOOL!

SHE'S GONE!

KARA IS GONE?

SHE'S RUN AWAY AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

HOW IS IT MY FAULT?

I'M NOT EVEN THERE!

EXACTLY!

I'LL FIND HER.

YOU'D BETTER.

WELL, A DOLLHOUSE IT IS THEN.

BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME NEVER TO COPY OFF YOUR FRIEND

JENNY'S HOMEWORK AGAIN.

OH, MS. HARRISON MAY HOT HAVE SEEN IT, BUT I DID.

BUT I THINK WE'LL LET IT SLIDE THIS YEAR.

THANK YOU ELIZABETH.

GO HOME NOW.

AND YOU COME WITH ME.

WELCOME.

WELCOME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

HELLO EVERYONE, MERRY CHRISTMAS.

THAT'S NOT JESUS!

[CROWD LAUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

ALRIGHT, EVERYONE PLEASE STAY CALM.

UH, THE LITTLE BOY IS CORRECT.

UNFORTUNATELY, THIS EVENING THERE WAS AN UNFORESEEN, UH,

ROBBERY, IN WHICH THE BABY JESUS WAS STOLEN.

SO TONIGHT WE WILL BE HAVING THIS STUFFED MONKEY PLAYING

THE ROLE OF THE BABY JESUS, AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

I FOUND JESUS!

[CHEERING]

NO, NO, NO.

NOT THAT WAY!

BABY JESUS.

[CROWD LAUGHS]

THANK YOU JESUS.

THANK YOU SHIRLEY.

HE THREW JESUS!

[LAUGHING]

LET US PRAY.

HOW'D HE GET OUT OF HERE RAINER?

WAS THIS DOOR LOCKED?

DID I FORGET TO LOCK THIS CELL DOOR?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

I WAS ASLEEP.

I SEE HIM WHEN HE'S SLEEPING.

HE KNOWS WHEN I'M AWAKE.

I KNOW WHEN HE'S BEEN BAD OR GOOD.

STOP IT, STOP IT YOU TWO!

OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH NONSENSE FROM YOU.

I'VE GOTTA GO FIND MY DAUGHTER.

YOU SHOULD GO TO CHURCH.

YOU SHOULD MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

GO TO CHURCH, RICK.

GOOD NIGHT, NUT JOBS.

AND SO IT CAME TO PASS, EVERYONE WILL BE COUNTED AND

MUST RETURN TO THEIR NATIVE TOWNS.

LET THIS BE KNOWN TO EVERYONE.

MARY, I KNOW YOU'RE HEAVY WITH THE CHILD, BUT WE HAVE TO GET

TO BETHLEHEM TO BE COUNTED.

YES JOSEPH.

MOM, I NEED TO GO.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOUNG LADY?

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING

TO DO OR WHAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO, ALRIGHT.

MOM, I MEANT GO TO THE BATHROOM.

OH, OKAY.

ALRIGHT THAT'S FINE.

I'M GONNA, I'M GONNA GET US SOME GOOD SEATS, HMM?

YIPPEE.

OH MAN...

...NEED A PLACE TO STAY, YOU CAN USE OUR STABLE OUT BACK.

MY W-WIFE IS IN NEED OF REST.

THE STABLE WILL BE FINE.

WELL THEN, FOLLOW ME.

SORRY.

I KNOW GOD IS WITH US, MARY.

IN HERE IS BETTER THAN OUT IN THE COLD.

BEHOLD, I BRING GOOD NEWS OF GREAT JOY.

FOR TODAY, IN THE CITY OF DAVID, THERE IS BORN TO YOU A SAVIOR

WHO IS CHRIST THE LORD.

AND THIS WILL BE THE SIGN FOR YOU: YOU WILL FIND A BABY

WRAPPED IN CLOTH, AND LYING IN...

HEY.

[SCREAMS]

[MOCKS SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

STOP SCREAMING!

IF YOU DON'T STOP SCREAMING, SOMEONE'S GOING TO COME DOWN

HERE AND THEN WE'LL BOTH GET IN TROUBLE.

WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOWN HERE.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M KARA.

I'M ALANA.

PRETTY COOL STUFF DOWN HERE.

I GUESS.

YEAH.

*

WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!

FIRST I LOSE MY JOB THAT I DON'T HAVE REALLY AT ALL, THEN

I CAN'T BE WITH MY DAUGHTER, THEN I CANT FIND HER.

"GO TO CHURCH!"

STUPID SANTA.

OH, YOU DON'T THINK THAT...

SHOULD I GO TO CHURCH?

ALRIGHT, FINE.

I'LL GO TO CHURCH.

I'LL CHECK IT.

JOSEPH, I DON'T FEEL VERY WELL.

I THINK THE BABY IS ABOUT TO BE BORN.

PLEASE MARRY, LIE DOWN.

IT WON'T BE LONG NOW.

MEANWHILE, SOME SHEPHERDS WERE WATCHING THEIR FLOCKS AT

NIGHT, WHEN SUDDENLY AN ANGEL APPEARED RIGHT BEFORE THEM.

LET'S GO TO BETHLEHEM AND SEE WHAT THE LORD HAS TOLD US ABOUT...

UGH, WHERE'S ALANA?

PRAISE GOD FOR THIS GOOD NEWS.

SWEETIE?

ALANA?

WHERE ARE YOU?

HONEY, YOU ALMOST READY TO EAT?

WHERE DID YOU GO?

[SIGHS]

ALANA.

HONEY?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

OH, SHE DOES THIS EVERY YEAR.

ALANA?

SWEETIE?

WHERE ARE YOU?

ALANA...

YOU WERE JUST IN HERE, WHERE ARE YOU?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SOME TIME LATER, THREE WISE MEN SAW A BRIGHT STAR IN

THE SKY.

LOOK, A STAR!

LOOK HOW BRIGHT IT IS!

IT IS THE SIGN, A WONDERFUL SIGN!

THE KING IS BORN!

LET US GO AND WORSHIP HIM.

QUICK, WE NEED GIFTS TO BRING.

I KNOW WHAT I, UH, UH, WILL BRING HIM.

I WILL BRING HIM GOLD, FOR HE IS ROYALTY.

MY GIFT WILL BE EXTRA SPECIAL.

IT'S THE GIFT OF MYRRH.

FRANKINSENSE WILL BE MY GIFT.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD...

YES?

STOP!

STOP THAT NOW!

[CROWD LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]

WOAH.

KARA?

HI DADDY.

ALANA?

ARE YOU PLEASED WITH YOURSELVES?

YOU'VE RUINED THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT.

SORRY.

SORRY.

IN ALL FAIRNESS, IT REALLY WAS PRETTY FUNNY.

THE LORD DOES NOT FIND ANYTHING FUNNY!

NEVER HAS, NEVER WILL.

[GIGGLES]

ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? GET OUT.

ALL OF YOU, GET OUT.

GET OUT.

YOU'VE DONE YOUR DAMAGE, NO, LEAVE THE, LEAVE THE COW HEAD.

HONEY...

THAT'S EVIDENCE NOW.

LEAVE THE COW HEAD.

THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO WITH THEM?

UH, HAY AND WATER FOR THIRTY DAYS IN THE

COUNTY FAIR LOCKUP.

[LAUGHS]

OH, YOU'RE FUNNY.

I HAVEN'T BEEN RECENTLY. HEH.

I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

I'M A PRETTY GOOD LISTENER.

BESIDES, I DON'T THINK I WANT TO EXPOSE THIS TOWN TO ANY

MORE OF MY DAUGHTER TONIGHT.

WELL, SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE GIRL.

OH, YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER'S

CO-CONSPIRATOR. THAT'S WHY.

MM, THEY ARE KIND OF TWO PEAS IN A POD.

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET THAT BIG CITY POLICE CHIEF

JOB RICK.

WHAT?

YEAH, WELL, I HEAR YOUR JOB GOT CANCELED, AND THEIR LOSS

IS OUR GAIN.

W-WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?

HM, WELL I...

NOW THAT I THINK ON IT I...

CAN'T RECALL WHAT HIS FACE LOOKED LIKE.

ISN'T THAT STRANGE.

BUT HE WAS WEARING A SANTA SUIT.

UH, I-I HAVE TO GO.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING OVER TO TOMS.

I HAVE SOME BUSINESS I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF FIRST.

I'M SORRY, I'M REALLY SORRY!

[CHUCKLES]

LOOK AT HIM, RUSHING OUT OF HERE AND LEAVING ME ALL ALONE

WITH A PRETTY YOUNG LADY.

[CHUCKLES]

NOW MY NAME IS MR. HAROLD, BUT YOU MAY CALL ME JOE.

WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU JOE.

I'M LUCY.

YOU LIKE EGG NOG?

OH, I LOVE EGG NOG.

I MAKE THE BEST EGG NOG.

YEAH?

YEAH, I'M BRINGING A BATCH OF IT OVER TO TOM'S PARTY.

NOW, THE SHERIFF...

HE'S BEEN KIND OF DOWN, UH, AND IF, MAYBE IF I BRING MY

EGG NOG, AND YOU BRING, WELL, YOU.

MAYBE THE TWO OF US CAN CHEER HIM UP A BIT.

MAYBE.

OH, ALANA.

MY, MY DAUGHTER.

SHE'S IN THE BACK OF THE CAR. I'M SORRY.

J-JOE, I GOTTA, I GOTTA...

IT WAS REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU THOUGH.

WELL LOOK AT HER GO TOO.

THE WHOLE GENERATION'S OFF IN A BIG HURRY!

THAT GUY IS UNBELIEVABLE!

WHO?

UM, I FORGOT YOU GUYS WERE IN HERE.

UH, JUMP OUT A-AND WALK BACK TO THE CHURCH.

DAD, IT'S FREEZING!

AND REALLY FAR!

WELL YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU

BECAME A COW.

GO.

DID HE JUST CALL YOU A COW?

YEP.

HE CAN BE KIND OF A...

YEP.

BUT HE'S COOL.

I THINK SO.

SO, WHICH WAY TO THE CHURCH?

I DON'T KNOW.

STUPID KIDS.

RUINED MY CHRISTMAS PAGEANT.

I'M A COW!

I'M FUNNY BECAUSE I'M A COW!

I'M A COW, UH...

YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I'M TRUSTING A COW TO LEAD ME TO

MY SALVATION?

GOOD LORD, I'M IN SOME TROUBLE.

[LAUGHS]

OH, SHERIFF LANGSTON.

HAVE YOU FOUND HER?

YES, I FOUND HER.

PUT HER ON THE PHONE.

I CAN'T.

RICK, PUT HER ON THE PHONE NOW!

I CAN'T.

I SORT OF...

PUT HER OUT ON THE STREET.

Y-YOU LEFT HER ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?

SHE'S NOT ALONE.

SHE'S GOT ALANA WITH HER.

WHO'S ALANA?

A NEW KID IN TOWN.

RICK, I'M COMING DOWN THERE AND I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

BRING IT ON.

I'VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN YOU.

I'VE GOT SANTA CLAUS TO KILL.

WHAT DOES HE SAY?

HE'S GOING TO KILL SANTA.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS IS IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON.

YOU!

WOAH, RICK!

I ONLY TOOK ONE COOKIE!

WHAT THE...

LANGUAGE, RICK.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

HE HAD A RED SANTA SUIT AND WANTED TO SPREAD GOOD NEWS FOR

CHRISTMAS.

LOOKS MORE LIKE SPREAD EAGLE.

[LAUGHS]

COME ON!

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GET OUT OF HERE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS SANTA!

REALLY GLAD YOU'RE STAYING, RICK.

YOU WANT TO BE IN THE CELL WITH THOSE GUYS?

[YELPS]

WHAT EXACTLY WOULD'VE BEEN THE CHARGE, RICK?

HE DIDN'T BREAK INTO THE STATION.

YOU FORGOT TO LOCK THE DOOR AGAIN.

HAVING A GAL ON YOUR MIND CAN MAKE A MAN FORGETFUL.

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

LITTERING.

WHAT, OH IT DOESN'T, IT DOESN'T MATTER!

I HAVE NOTHING ON MY MIND!

OH, HE'S TOUGH.

HO, HO, HO!

[CHUCKLES]

ISN'T THIS GUY THE BEST, RICKY?

YOU NEVER REALLY WANTED TO LEAVE.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT I WANTED.

YOU JUST WANT LOVE!

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?

PLEASE, BE QUIET.

MAY I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION RAINER?

SURE.

WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING?

UH...

WELL, I WAS.

I HAVE A REAL ESTATE LICENSE.

HUH.

IT'S SORT OF TOUGH TO GET LISTINGS.

SO I STARTED WORKING LESS.

AND DRINKING MORE.

YEAH.

I WANT TO STRAIGHTEN MYSELF OUT, SANTA.

I REALLY DO.

BUT IT'S TOUGH.

THIS IS THE ONLY SUIT I HAVE.

IT'S JUST HARD TO...

GET A SECOND CHANCE.

I SEE.

WELL, YOU HANG IN THERE.

SOMETIMES LUCK CAN CHANGE.

HM.

QUIET NOW.

LOOKS LIKE THE SHERIFF IS HAVING A LITTLE NAP.

[EERIE MUSIC]

*

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SO MISERABLE?

YOU MISS YOUR DAUGHTER.

YOU MISS YOUR DAUGHTER RICK!

["HO, HO, HO" ECHOING THROUGH THE ROOM]

YOUR EX IS WITH FREDERICO.

DID YOU BRING ME A SANDWICH?

YOU DIDN'T PUT ANY LIGHTS UP, RICK.

YOU'RE MISERABLE.

YOU WERE ALWAYS A LOUSY HUSBAND.

ALL HE WANTED WAS A MEAL!

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, *

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO BELIEVE AGAIN, RICK.

BELIEVE AGAIN.

BELIEVE AGAIN, RICK.

WE BELIEVE IN YOU, RICK.

HO HO HO!

YOU JUST LEAVE THEM ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?

LUCY!

N-NO, WELL YES, BUT...

I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE TOWN GOOD GUY!

I-I AM, I AM.

NO, WAIT, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, STOP.

I'M SO SORRY.

I'M...

I JUST, THERE'S SO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

THERE WAS THIS JOB THAT I THOUGHT I HAD, AND THEN I

DIDN'T GET IT, AND...

OH MY GOD, DAD, ARE YOU GOING TO CRY?

WHAT, NO!

I'M NOT...

LUCY, PLEASE.

PLEASE COME TO TOM'S PARTY TONIGHT.

I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, I PROMISE.

OKAY, BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE REALLY CUTE WHEN YOU'RE

FLUSTERED.

[LAUGHING]

GOOD.

OH MY GOD, HE'S NOT GOING TO KISS HER, IS HE?

EW.

NOT YET, RICK.

IN THE POLICE STATION, UGH, GET A ROOM!

DIANE?

T-THIS IS, UM...

LUCY.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME.

IT'S LUCY.

MM, I HEARD.

I'M GOING TO GO.

YES, I THINK YOU SHOULD.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SANTA.

OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, FREDERICO.

WHY YOU LOCK UP SANTA ON THE CHRISTMAS EVE?

HE HAS NOT BEEN PUT ON THE ROW OF DEATH, I HOPE.

DEATH ROW?

NO!

N, NO! RICK, [STAMMERING]

OH, YOU JUST SUCH A...

GOOD LUCK WITH LUCY.

DIANE, WAIT!

DAINE.

BYE RICK.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET OF YOU.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

OH, FREDERICO.

HERE'S YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

BUT I HAS ALREADY TO RECEIVE THIS BEAUTIFUL SWEATER.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS.

OF COURSE I DO!

I'M SANTA CLAUS!

HO HO HO HO HO!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS FREDERICO.

[LAUGHING]

AHH, A GOOD MAN WHO LOVES CHRISTMAS.

ONE MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

BIG DEAL.

DOESN'T MAKE MY LIFE ANY LESS TERRIBLE.

OH, NOW RICK.

YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YEAH, RICK.

YOUR LIFE'S LIKE COQ AU VIN COMPARED TO MY CHICKEN NUGGET

OF A LIFE.

I FOUND A FRENCH COOKBOOK IN THE TRASH.

YOU TWO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

STAY IN YOUR CELL.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WATCH THE SHOW.

HEY.

EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?

WE JUST CAME TO THANK YOU.

UH, FOR WHAT?

YOU UH, SENT ME TO MR. HAROLD'S HOUSE.

WHEN HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS DAD LOSING HIS JOB, I SAID I'M

LOOKING FOR A MANAGER TO RUN ONE OF MY HARDWARE STORES.

YEAH, I'M THANKFUL THAT YOU DID.

SO I CAME TO THANK YOU SHERIFF, YOU KNOW, FOR SENDING

MY BOY OVER, OVER TO HIS PLACE THERE, AND ALSO FOR YOUR

WILLINGNESS TO DO A GOOD DEED.

'CAUSE WITHOUT THAT, NONE OF THIS COULD'VE HAPPENED.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

WELL...

I WAS VERY HAPPY THAT EVAN VOLUNTEERED TO GO OVER TO

MR. HAROLD'S HOUSE AND KEEP HIS SIDEWALK SHOVELED.

YOU KNOW, NOT MANY CHILDREN ARE WILLING TO WORK ANYMORE.

NOW, WHEN I WAS A CHILD, WE HAD TO GO...

YES, I REMEMBER YOU WALKED UPHILL TO SCHOOL TEN MILES IN

THE SNOW BAREFOOT.

I HAD SHOES!

OH, OKAY.

WELL, THANK YOU.

WE SHOULD GET GOING NOW.

HE'S GOT WORK TO DO.

SHAUN SAYS HI.

YEAH, UH, SEND HIM MY BEST.

OH YEAH THAT, UH, THAT REMINDS ME.

EVER SINCE I'VE GOT A JOB NOW, I'M GOING TO ASK SHAUN'S

MOTHER LISA TO MARRY ME.

HOHO, DAD!

CONGRATULATIONS!

THANK YOU.

ALRIGHT, NOW, LET'S GO.

COME ON.

SEE?

SOME OLD MAN OFFERS EVAN'S DAD A JOB AND THAT, THAT CHANGES

EVERYTHING?

A JOB GIVES A MAN HOPE.

AND HOPE MAKES HIM A BETTER MAN.

AND A BETTER MAN, A BETTER FATHER.

AND A BETTER FATHER, A BETTER FAMILY.

AND A BETTER FAMILY, A BETTER WORLD.

DEEP.

I LOVE YOU SANTA.

I LOVE YOU TOO RAINER!

[PHONE RINGS]

SHERIFF LANGSTON SPEAKING.

I HEARD.

YEAH, EVAN'S DAD GOT A JOB.

NO, I MEAN YOUR JOB.

OH, UH, YEAH.

I GUESS UH...

RICK, I, I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

THE SHERIFF'S JOB IS YOURS, THE SHERIFF'S JOB WILL ALWAYS

BE YOURS.

TOM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

NOW RICK, I WANT YOU HERE.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

BESIDES, NOBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME ANYWAY.

YOU COMING OVER TONIGHT?

UH...

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

UM, THINGS JUST GOT WORSE, SO...

YEAH, IT'S ALL THE MORE REASON TO COME.

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

I LOVE YOU MAN.

UH...

YEAH, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER BUD.

AW, SWEET.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HE MEANT IT.

YOU'RE LIKE A BIG BROTHER TO HIM.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

[SIGHS]

SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

BRAND NEW, BRAND NEW.

ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW...

RICK, SIT.

JUST LISTEN FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE.

YOU HAVE GOT A LOT OF THINGS GOING FOR YOU.

INSIGHT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ONE OF THEM.

OKAY, UH...

SHH, SHH, SHH.

THIS TOWN LOVES YOU.

OH, THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN THAT WOULD DO ANYTHING

FOR YOU, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS...

WELL.

COMPLAIN.

YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR WHOLE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK!

LOVE IS RIGHT HERE.

UNDER YOUR NOSE.

AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE IT.

OH, YOUR DAUGHTER THINKS THE WORLD OF YOU, AND YOU ARE

GOING TO LOSE HER TOO.

THIS TOWN WILL PUT UP WITH A LOT, BUT EVENTUALLY THEY WILL

TIRE OF THE SHERIFF WHO REFUSES TO BE...

HAPPY.

CAN I SPEAK?

I THINK YOU JUST DID.

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE.

AH.

BUT THAT'S THE FIRST STEP.

BE WILLING TO CHANGE.

WANTING TO CHANGE.

AND YOU WILL FIND HAVING THAT, YOU WILL CHANGE.

I WANT TO CHANGE, I REALLY DO.

I KNOW YOU DO, RICK.

AND YOU WILL.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HEY RICK.

WE'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

WE?

NOW, WE KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT LEAVING AND WE KNOW THAT YOUR

NEW JOB FELL THROUGH.

BUT WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT MAKES IT THE BEST CHRISTMAS

THIS TOWN HAS EVER KNOWN!

OH, I...

I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT, UH.

THANK YOU.

AND WE WANT YOU TO KNOW WE DECORATED YOUR WHOLE HOUSE,

WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN JUST ARREST ALL OF US.

WHY WOULD I MIND?

THANK YOU.

HAVING A MAN LIKE YOU AS OUR SHERIFF IS THE KIND OF THING

THAT DESERVES A TOAST.

DOES EVERYBODY HAVE SOME EGG NOG?

WELL, WE DON'T.

WELL HERE YOU GO.

AH!

[LAUGHING]

MINE DOESN'T HAVE BOOZE IN IT.

MAYBE THAT'S FOR THE BEST.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD QUIT FOR GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD...

CAN DO THAT.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

NOW I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST.

THROUGH THICK AND THIN, HE HELPS US WHEN WE'RE DOWN.

AND IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE ACKNOWLEDGE HIM.

RICK LANGSTON, A PILLAR OF OUR COMMUNITY, AND WE'RE HAPPY

YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE IN ROCKFORD.

THE BIG CITY CAN GO AND EAT A BAG OF STALE POPCORN.

[EVERYONE LAUGHS]

CHEERS!

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

* AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

* GOOD TIDINGS WE BRING TO YOU AND YOUR KIN *

* GOOD TIDINGS FOR CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR *

[CHEERING]

UH, MOVE IT OVER TO TOM'S PARTY, ALRIGHT?

HEY, THIS IS SOME GREAT EGG NOG, RICK.

WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH MR. HAROLD, BUT YOU KNOW I

DIDN'T MAKE IT.

YOU BROUGHT IT.

OF COURSE I REMEMBER!

I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT IT IS GREAT!

YES SIR, YES SIR.

OKAY, DESIGNATED DRIVERS!

BE SAFE!

OH, I REMEMBER HIM AS A CHILD.

HE WAS ALWAYS THE NICEST LITTLE PERSON.

AND HE ALWAYS LIKED HIS EGG NOG.

[LAUGHING]

THANK YOU SANTA.

YOU'RE WELCOME RICK.

YOU CAN GO.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

FAREWELL, RAINER.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

NOW YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

THANK YOU SANTA.

[CHUCKLING]

MERRY CHRISTMAS RICK!

HO, HO, HO!

AH, WHAT'S THIS?

OH, THAT'S THE TOYS FOR THE UNDERPRIVILEGED CHILDREN OF

ROCKFORD.

SHIRLEY DOES IT EVERY YEAR.

INTERESTING.

WELL, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO FLY, RICK.

MUSTN'T KEEP THE CHILDREN WAITING.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SANTA.

OH, HIS BAG.

OH, HERE, UH...

SANTA, WAIT!

SANTA, WAIT!

COMMANDO DUTCH.

TWO OF 'EM.

RAINER, DID YOU PUT A SUIT IN THIS?

NO.

DO YOU I LOOK LIKE I OWN MULTIPLE SUITS?

IT'S GOT YOUR NAME IN IT.

HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU PUT THIS ON, GET READY FOR THE PARTY?

YOU WANT TO KNOW MY PHILOSOPHY ON CHRISTMAS?

NO.

OKAY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?

WELL MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO, RICK.

MERRY CHRISTMAS?

YES.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

FREDERICO GOT TWO FIRST CLASS TICKETS TO SPAIN AS A GIFT,

ALONG WITH A FIVE-STAR HOTEL STAY, AND WE HAVE TO LEAVE

IMMEDIATELY.

THAT'S A LITTLE BIT QUICK, ISN'T IT?

WELL IT'S A REALLY UNEXPECTED GIFT.

FROM SANTA.

HEH, YEAH, I'M SURE ACTUALLY IT WAS.

ANYWAY, I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE KARA COULD SPEND THE

HOLIDAY WITH YOU AFTER ALL?

IF YOU STILL WANT THAT.

WANT THAT? I WOULD LIKE THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

YES!

THANKS MOM!

OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS SWEETHEART.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

NOT YOU, RICK. KARA.

RIGHT.

[SIGHS] WHY NOT?

FREDERICO, NICE SWEATER.

THANK YOU.

Y-YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.

I KNOW THAT.

BE SAFE AND...

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GOD BLESS YOU, MR. SHERIFF RICK OF ROCKFORD.

WHERE'S SANTA?

UH, NORTH POLE I GUESS.

OH COME ON, DAD.

I'M NOT SEVEN ANYMORE.

NEITHER AM I.

HE WAS JUST A NICE OLD MAN WHO WAS A BIT CRAZY.

YEAH, BUT UH...

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

HE REALLY WAS SANTA.

AND YOU KNOW IT RICK.

RICK!

HEY, YOU MADE IT.

HEY KARA!

HOW YOU DOING, TOM P...

RAINER!

WHAT HAPPENED TO RAINER?

SANTA.

WELL, COME ON IN!

COME IN!

ALRIGHT, HEY.

AND WE COME BEARING GIFTS!

WELL AREN'T YOU THE MAN.

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT GIFTS?

I PUT THE DOWN PAYMENT ON THIS HOUSE 'CAUSE RENT-A-COP THERE

DOESN'T MAKE ANY MONEY.

ALRIGHT, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU MA'AM.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

DON'T CALL ME MA'AM.

WELL WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

RAINER JEFFRIES.

REAL ESTATE AGENT.

WELL HONEY, LET'S HAVE A DRINK.

OH, NO.

ONE DAY SOBER.

THANK YOU.

BUT HOW ABOUT A DANCE INSTEAD?

ME-OW.

*

RAINER!

SHIRLEY!

YOU LOOK GOOD.

OH, HOW'S YOUR CHRISTMAS EVE, SHIRLEY?

BLESSED.

DO YOU KNOW THAT SOMEBODY MADE AN ANONYMOUS DONATION TO OUR

TOY DRIVE?

WE HIT OUR GOAL!

THAT'S JUST FINE, HONEY.

BUT YOU NEED TO BEAT IT.

MOVE ALONG!

YOU SHOULD THANK SANTA CLAUS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SHIRLEY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

YOU KNOW RAINER, I MUST ADMIT...

I AM WELL INTO MY THIRTIES.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME OVER.

ARE YOU LEAVING US ALREADY?

WELL, I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MY SON IN CHICAGO, AND AT THE

LAST MINUTE HE DECIDED TO BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY IN

FOR CHRISTMAS.

HE SAID HE GOT A CALL FROM A FRIEND OF MINE.

I DON'T KNOW WHO, BUT...

I'M GOING TO SEE MY SON, MY GRANDDAUGHTER, AND MY

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.

IT IS TRULY A BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS.

HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. HAROLD.

CHRISTOPHER, LOOK WHAT SANTA CLAUS BROUGHT FOR YOU.

WHADDYA GOT, PAL?

A COMMANDO DUTCH!

THAT'S RIGHT.

A COMMANDO DUTCH!

HIGH FIVE, BUDDY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, PAL.

RICK, I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE TO BE THANKED,

BUT THANK YOU BROTHER.

THANK YOU RICK.

AND WELCOME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I THINK YOU KNOW OUR GUESTS.

ALANA!

'SUP.

GOT A PHONE FOR CHRISTMAS?

ME TOO.

COOL.

COOL.

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.

TURN AROUND.

ALRIGHT, I GOT THE TALL ONE.

FINE WITH ME.

WHICH ONES THE TALL ONE?

HEY.

HI.

YOU MADE IT.

UH, YES.

YES I DID.

SO DID YOU!

YEAH, WELL, YOU INVITED ME.

YES I DID.

I SEE, UH, KARA MADE IT TOO.

YEAH SHE DID.

OH, HOW'D THAT HAPPEN.

I FINALLY TOOK SOMEONE'S VERY GOOD ADVICE.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME EVERYBODY, IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION JUST

FOR A MOMENT.

UM, I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GIFT, FOR A VERY SPECIAL GIRL.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

LISA, WOULD YOU MARRY ME?

OH EVAN...

YES.

YES OF COURSE I WILL!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, I AM SO EXCITED!

AND I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO.

I HAVE TO SELL MY HOUSE.

I UH, HAPPEN TO BE A REAL ESTATE AGENT, SO I THINK I CAN

HANDLE ONE MORE IN THIS CITY.

WELL THAT'D BE GREAT, THANK YOU.

I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG.

[LAUGHING]

WELL, LOOKS LIKE THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS HAS GOTTEN INTO

EVERYBODY THIS YEAR.

WELL, IT CERTAINLY HAS GRABBED ME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[GASPS]

DADDY, DADDY.

HEY, WHAT'S UP BUDDY?

I SAW SANTA CLAUS WITH ALL HIS REINDEER.

YOU SAW SANTA CLAUS?

ALRIGHT, HIGH FIVE!

YOU HUNGRY?

ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA CATCH YOU GUYS LATER.

HEY HONEY, DO WE HAVE ANY MORE OF THAT HAM?

[LAUGHING]

*