Original subtitles

Seeing as you have no one else to bat for her, looks like you bushfarts

Again.

- Not on my watch ya bully.

- Babe.

No, no, no you don't get to babe me right now, we have a lot of talk time

But right now, I have a championships to win.

Actually if we win it's just the playoffs-

- Joanne. Shut the fuck up. Let's go Sasha!

You knock that motherfucker out of the park!

["Play the Field" by Partner]

[Joanne] Come on Sasha.

[Zari] Come on Sasha, bring me home baby, bring me home!

[Zari] Yeah Sasha you can do this!

Wow. I did not see this one coming huh?

[Zari] Come on Sasha you got this! [team cheers]

Oh wow! [team cheers]

- We're in the finals bitches! - Actually, we're just going to the playoffs.

- Bitches! - I'm excited I'm excited!

To the finals for everyone except for me. Back to Dinkelsbuhl for Boris.

Not on my watch. Boris, I have been an ally all my life,

but the greatest act of allyship will be to take a knee for a friend in need.

- Oh my god, oh my god! - I will never have sex with you.

- [Boris] No. - But I will marry you to keep you in the country.

Boris, will you let me help you avoid deportation,

and pretend to the Canadian government that we are marrying for true love?

Zari, are you asking me to be your wife?

- Well technically it'd be more of an arrangement- - Zari!

- Okay yes, yes! Will you be my wife? - You bet your pubic ass I will

- [team cheers] - I'm gonna kiss you!

- No, no no! - I was a kidding!

- Okay. - How about we handshake.

Yeah, let's shake hands. [team cheers]

- You fucking losers, that's my wife! - [Boris] That's my wife!

Brovaries, Brovaries, Brovaries!

People's understanding of the immigration system here is very poor.

You can't just marry someone and become a citizen.

That's also illegal. The application process...

Fuck it. Love is love. No one's going to jail.

But someone's definitely going back to Germany.

I'm buying the first round at the Public Lass ya pubic zirconiums!

- [Boris] What? - [Mel] Second one's on me!

You wanna know the real reason I got kicked out of pro league?

I had an affair with an umpire. I find power very sexy.

Fuck learning from your mistakes, amiright?

Wolfgang, Leon, Fritz, Otto, Ingrid, Herman, Helga, Becky Jessica, Franz, Kurt,

and this is my mummy and daddy.

I'm gonna need you to write that down for me.

- Woo! To my new business partner. - To the Grass Painter 7 app.

Oh hey Beck, no bad blood.

So I guess that's it for you guys this season.

Yeah. But you know we were the league champions.

Check it out. Four back to back titles.

[Mel] That's... a lot of titles. Yeah. Mmmm.

Keep this on the down low, but today's actually

my 19th birthday, which means I can finally buy my own drinks.

- But I'm not gonna tell anyone here that. - Lee!

- Yes please, bless! - You need another little bro?

- [Lee] Yes please! - Wayne, gimme two fernets.

- What's better than free drinks on your birthday? Free drinks forever.

- Beer for my junior friend. - Thank you.

So, I have something for ya.

You were without a question the hot sauce player of the game!

- Thanks. - You're always the hot sauce player of my heart.

- Thanks, I'll put it in my office.

Sasha. Everything you do is so amazing.

Everything I do is the opposite of that.

I just wanted this one thing to impress you.

And I let my insecurities get the best of me.

And I pushed you away, the big dumb dumb I am.

Baby. Oh my god, I am so sorry if I ever made you feel small.

Like you literally have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met in my entire life.

You've been my biggestcheerleader since like, day 1.

I really just wanted to do the same thing for you.

But if you want this to be your thing, then-

- No, no are you kidding me? You're the reason we won today. Sasha the ball smasha.

How'd you get so good?

Um, Mel was actually coaching me a bit on the side. But today I probably just got lucky.

No you didn't get lucky. You put the work in.

And I'm gonna do that too, okay? I'm gonna be better.

Okay.

Hey, Jo? I am so proud of you. You're going to the playoffs.

We're going to the playoffs!

- I love you.

[Wanye] After 5 years of never having won a game,

I'm very excited for the Brovaries to be headed to the playoffs.

Unfortunately however they will no longer be able to use the Public Lass

because I too have some victory news.

My grandfather was recently in a tragic car accident, which has afforded me the opportunity to

and realize my dream of opening a BDSM coffee shop.

[Boris] Okay everybody, how's about a wedding dance for my fiance!

I'll let them have tonight.

- [Boris] We're gonna get a little bit of- - [Wayne] Everybody up!

[team cheers]

Playoffs here we come. Wooo!

Clear eyes, full hearts, will lose.

Probably.

But we're gonna have a damn good time doing it because that's what matters!

[Sasha] Baby come on get up here!

Brovaries! Brovaries! [team chants]

["Play the Field" by Partner]

[Boris] Joanne, do not be a doodlebing.

- Don't, don't be a doodlebing. - A doodlebang?

- That's right. - Don't be.

- Does everyone but me know that means? - No one wants to be it.

- I don't wanna be a doodlebang. - Joanne don't be a doodle- [laughs]

- Jo-ahhhhne. - Alright I can't do that.

Okay team, here we are listen up, listen up, we have one chance, to make Jolene's-

[singing] Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeene- - Okay.

[Mel] She brought orange slices.

Yeah dawg, give it to me [laughs]

- Uh. I don't remember what the next line is.

Are you going to apologize for being a fucking asshole?

Yes!

What did you kick me off the fucking team for?

- I'm so sorry. - Jesus.

You know in Europe you don't have to be, you can be a little baby and they give you this-

I suck it out [laughs] Let me go again, let me go again.

When you are little baby in Europe, your mommy puts you on the teat,

and it's like, beer just coming out of it [laughs]

Boris to the rescue.

Yeah.

You know it's so stupid, in Germany they give it to little babies. [laughs] J!

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