Original subtitles

- [Joanne] Come on Sasha baby, you got this! - [Mel] Go Sasha!

[Joanne] Keep your eye on the ball, here we go honey.

- Boris! - [Boris] Eh!

- [Joanne] Nice try Boris. - Loving the outfit today.

Thank you! It is my clean suit.

Um, so don't look now, but I invited my friend from work.

She's sitting on the bench over there.

The hottie with the frosted tips is your friend?

Okay be chill!

- You need an espionage? - No, no, no, she's single.

And Linda loves Europeans.

Don't don't, wait, wait, wait.

- Does this ever work for you? - Never.

Right, so let's maybe try something different.

Okay, I'm listening.

- What are her weaknesses? - Yeah, that's a weird angle, but...

actually I'm glad you asked because she does have a severe peanut allergy.

Oh my god. I knew a girl in Dinkelsbuhl, who had such a bad allergy to mushrooms,

and she really liked this boy who work on the mushroom farm,

but she did not tell him, and then one day, they have a kiss, and she died.

See? Allergies are so real.

Okay I've asked the team to go nut free so many times, but apparently,

it's an inconvenience to save people's lives or something.

No one on the team has a nut allergy.

So uh, I will have to be careful.

- Yes. - Hot.

["Play the Field" by Partner]

I know it seems like an unlikely match, but Linda is...

really lonely.

Okay folks, we're down 9-12, we could still win this one!

So let's pep up our step and get out there!

Power snack, I made peanut butter cookies for everyone, here you go babe.

Thank you.

- Boris! - What is that?

- [Sasha] Cookies! - Yes I know they are cookies Sasha, but what is inside of

Sugar, flour, peanut butter-

Exactly!

How much more suffering do my people have to take?

Yo, what people dawg?

The peanut impaired!

Woah, Boris, I didn't know you were on the nut allergy spectrum.

It is not a spectrum Joanne, I eat a nut, I will die.

[Sasha] Boris I am so sorry, why didn't you say anything?!

Because it is painful to talk about Sasha.

If only I had a wife, with whom I could share my struggles.

You know maybe this isn't the day we fix Boris' deportation problem,

maybe, this is the day, Boris gets to learn what cultural appropriation is.

- How am I doing? - Not great.

Ooh, she doesn't do the nut stuff?

It's just, uh, a bit, uh, appropriative Boris to take the suffering,

experienced by a community and present it as your own.

Right. Like don't pretend the pain, share my real pain.

Right.

Okay. Like telling her about how sad I am not to have a wife.

Sure, um, you know, a little bit of self deprication is always hot.

Okay, so in order to get a wife,

I got to speak to the ladies like I would speak to my mommy, yeah?

Tell them my problems.

Being open and vulnerable is the key to romantic success, yeah, yeah.

- Okay. - Pound it bud.

- [team cheers] - [Joanne] Come on Brovaries, let's do this!

That's right! Please, leave your phone on the bench.

Just call me Yenta.

Or wait, sorry, don't, actually, no-

I've said it once and I'll say it again.

We're not going to win a game if you keep using your gloves as hats for snapchat videos.

Lee, I'm looking at you.

- [Mel] Look at this! - [Zari] How'd it go Romeo?

- [Joanne] Okay, come on, focus up- - Joanne shut up.

I declare today's hot sauce player of the game to be...

Zari!

She told me to tell her hottie work friend about how sad I was,

and she gave me her phone number.

[team cheers]

- Did you guys know about this? - I mean yeah, yeah I knew.

Tears in the streets, floods in the sheets baby!

I'm certainly going to be flooding Linda's sheets tonight.

- [Sasha] That is a number! - High five huh! Yeah baby! High five for Boris huh!

[Boris] Got to stay hot for my date tonight.

Hi hello, Linda?

Ah, no, this is Boris, could you put me through to Linda please?

Sorry this is what?

No I cannot seek asylum today I am very busy, thank you.

Goodbye.

So uh, that was not her phone number.

But she did give me the number of the best immigration lawyer in the city.

So you know what that means.

She want me to stay.

["Play the Field" by Partner]

If there is one thing that I know about people who have nut allergies,

it's that they definitely played some sort of wind instrument in the high school band.

[sound of bad flute playing]

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