Original subtitles

Today is a new season of Toronto's Lo-Pro Slo Pitch League.

Couldn't be more excited for my team.

I'm Joanne, I've been coaching the Public Lass Brovaries for the last five years.

And we're looking so sharp out there with our new uniforms designed by yours truly.

I did this.

Took a little design in university.

What is this?

[Joanne] And we have been working hard, that's right.

Championships are won at practise.

And this year, we're gonna go all the way.

["Play the Field" by Partner]

Today we're playing our fiercest rivals, the Toronto Blue Gays. [Spits]

[Joanne] Yeah, Toronto Blue Gays. I don't like to, pardon my

le shit, but Toronto Blue Gays are public enemy numero uno, yeah.

A lot of bad blood. We do not get along. We're like oil and water.

Brovaries, Blue Gays, not friends!

They've won four back to back titles so, this year...

We're gonna get 'em.

[Zari] Come on Brovaries, bring it home! [Team cheers on Ann from the

Come on little orphan Annie!

Strike out again, I'm gonna have to change the wifi password!

[Ann] Uh, my name is Ann, I play second base.

Uh, Joanne has been my landlord for three years now.

Uh, the rent's really good. Like really good.

So there's kind of an unspoken agreement between us that if I play on the team...

You gave her the wifi password? Our data overages were insane last month.

Yeah, I think Ann might have a Fork Nite porn addiction.

Joanne and I got the house after I made partner at Lagari-Shapton.

Majority shareholder before the age of 35. Not bragging, just grateful.

Anyway, spearheading the mergers of multi-million dollar corporations takes up a

And Joanne is so dedicated to this sport, so just thought I'd join the

spend some quality summer Sundays with my love.

[Joanne] Keep looking for those balls, batter. [Zari] Next one, next one.

I know what you're thinking. We have to cut Sasha from the team.

What?

I can't cut her off, she's my fiance.

No, you shouldn't.

But I think it's what everyone wants.

Do they?

I was thinking maybe that you could do it?

Just cause, everyone respects you. Something to think about!

[Mel] I used to play for the National Pro Fast Pitch League.

But I moved back to Toronto after I got booted from the league for...

I'm not allowed to talk about that. Fucking umpires man.

But I am here.

I wanna die.

I'm trying to stay positive though.

I'm working on developing a new remote control

airless field striping machine.

And uh, I plan on being fucked up for the whole season.

Wow. Okay. Yup. Yup.

- What app you using? - Tinder, FindAWife, J-Date, D-Date, Lady-Boy, Datey-Date.

A little bit of Hinge.

Hi, hello, my name is Boris. I am um, what you call?

Looking for a wife this summer.

So that I don't get deported back to Dinkelsbuhl.

Nobody too young though. Not like, like Lee the rookie.

- You will know her by her cool pants. - Cool pants.

- Thanks. - She's a teen, and well, Boris is not a teen.

So there cannot be any hanky-pankys there. Like verbotten love.

You know like Jude Law and the nannies.

I'm aware that I have an effect on people born before the year 2000.

Not that the nanny was too young, just that

the nanny, you know you cannot... You cannot be having sex with

- Cool pants. - Thanks.

- There's actually a chapter in my PhD thesis- - Oh man. Love a PhD.

Okay I'm assuming there's some sort of acronym that I'm missing here?

[Ann and Boris] Pretty Huge Dyke!

I'm the token straight girl on the team.

So, you get the picture.

[Team cheers on Joanne]

Sliding into first base, sliding into first place.

Let's go Brovaries! Yeah!

[Beck] New jerseys?

Yeah. Designed them myself. No expense spared.

Why does it say Pubic Ass on the back of them?

No it says Public Lass, the bar? Our sponsor.

Hey Eva, what's this look like to you?

[Eva] Turn.

Pubic Ass.

- What? - [Beck] Parker?

Pubic Ass!

Okay. Okay. Lemme ask my team alright,

Ann read it out, what do you see?

Yeah it's Pubic Ass Joanne.

Baby, baby yeah it looks like Pubic Ass. [Joanne] Fuck.

[Team cheers half-heartedly.]

Well another crushing victory for the Brovaries.

Crushing defeat. I meant to say. Defeat.

It's gonna be a great season!

Hello, yes, I'd like to speak to a manager

about an accidental profanity that was printed on a set of jerseys I ordered?

Pubic Ass.

Yes, I'll hold.

["Play the Field" by Partner]

Hey Joanne I think I see what the problem is.

No, no, no problem.

Did it on purpose. This is how I meant it to be. Pubic Asses.

- The Brovaries. - So it's joke, not a mistake?

- Yeah, shut up Boris.

- Okay.

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