All language subtitles for Queer As Folk (UK) [1x01] - Episode One

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:20,900 'Sometimes, you get a good Thursday, 2 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,600 'sometimes a bog-standard Thursday, sometimes a shit Thursday.' 3 00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:26,700 This Thursday was mental. 4 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,700 Thursday night in Babylon used to be '70s night but they changed it. 5 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,000 Thursday night is '90s night, 6 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,300 which makes you feel ancient. Thanks very much. 7 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,400 l spent all night chasing after some bloke who turns out to be mad. 8 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:45,400 Like, really mad. He had every episode of Juliet Bravo on tape. 9 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:48,200 (Dance music, chatter) 10 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:51,700 'So, it's getting late, lights on. 11 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:57,200 'l haven't copped off, Phil's not copped off and Stuart...' 12 00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,700 Stuart's copped off. 13 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,800 Oi, Vince! 14 00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:06,200 Wait there. Don't move. 15 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,100 - Where are you going? - You've copped off. 16 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,700 - l'm just getting his telephone number. - Did he swallow it? 17 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:21,200 l'll be ten minutes. Wait by the Jeep. You've gotta get me home. Wait for me! 18 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:25,300 So, he brings the car, gives you the keys so you can't drink, 19 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,500 then he buggers off. Nice system. 20 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:31,400 - l'll give him ten minutes. l don't mind. - He's still looking. 21 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,800 - He is not. - He is so. 22 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:37,000 (Vince) He's all muscles. l don't cop off with muscles. 23 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,400 l mean, what happens? He takes his kit off - Marky Mark. 24 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,600 l take mine off - Norman Wisdom. 25 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:47,600 l had a bloke with muscles once. Great. Like being let loose on a bouncy castle. 26 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,600 - He's still looking. - (Cockney accent) Shut it! 27 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:52,700 - Shut it! - Pat'll go mad. 28 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,500 - Shut it! - (Horn beeps) 29 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,600 'Sometimes, you're halfway through a shag and you just get bored of him. 30 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,900 'So you wank him off in a doorway and move straight on. 31 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,100 'Cos you keep on looking. That's why you keep going out. 32 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:09,500 'There's always a new bloke, a better bloke, just waiting round the corner. 33 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,000 'And that was the night he came along. 34 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,800 'The one-night stand that never went away.' 35 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,600 (Music, chatter) 36 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:31,300 Excuse me... l'm just looking. l mean, what's the best place to go? 37 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,700 Depends on what you're after. lf you want bastards, you go in there. 38 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,400 And if you want wankers, go in there. 39 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:42,600 And if you want selfish, little, mincing, piss tart dickheads, 40 00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,800 then pick a building, any building. lt's full of them. 41 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:49,800 (Woman) Bernie! Don't be so daft. Don't listen to her. 42 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,400 lt's just a T-shirt! 43 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:56,800 She's off her head, she's been drinking! Bernie! 44 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,200 ($ lndigo: Haven't You Heard) 45 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:46,800 $ l've been looking for you $ Haven't you heard 46 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:51,600 $ Oh, l've been looking... $ 47 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,000 The first time l copped off, l was in school. 48 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:58,600 Mr Daniels, PE. 49 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:03,300 We're chatting away, football, or something and he's getting his gear off. 50 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,400 Big, hairy bloke. Nice. 51 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,000 So l keep talking. We're in his office. 52 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:12,600 He's got this cubicle, like his own private shower. 53 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:17,400 Next thing, he's stark bollock naked. Fantastic. 54 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,800 l'm still talking away like a twat and he gets in the shower, 55 00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,500 pulls the curtain, half pulls it. 56 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,200 Now, l'm twelve years old, 57 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,600 l'm thinking ''aye aye''. 58 00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,800 So...l got in the shower 59 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,400 with all my clothes on. 60 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,400 l did. 61 00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,600 l must have been scared to death... 62 00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:43,200 but l don't remember being scared. 63 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,800 Had a good night? 64 00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,200 Yeah. 65 00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,600 l'm Stuart. 66 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,700 (Exasperated grunt) 67 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,900 - Got somewhere to go? - No. 68 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,200 Wanna come back to mine? 69 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,600 l was fifteen. 70 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:08,800 l did it the first time l went out. 71 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,900 l'm quite proud of that. 72 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,600 l'm dead proud of that. My first time out. 73 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:17,000 Stuart Alan Jones. 74 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:20,400 He's looking down at me. Like the face of God. 75 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,400 OK. 76 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,800 Bastard! 77 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,500 Oh, leave me alone. Sod off back to the gym. 78 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,100 Nice kitchen. 79 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:24,400 lt's great, it's really nice. l never cook. Takeaways - that's me. 80 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,100 l'm always eating takeaways. 81 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,200 Pizza. 82 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,100 Mind you, l've gotta be careful. 83 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,000 l can't eat anything. l've got this thing. 84 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:53,000 lt's called, like, anaphylactic shock. Your throat swells up. 85 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,900 - Packet of peanuts could kill me... - You staying out here or what? 86 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,700 We had this barbecue... 87 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,800 last summer... 88 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,700 Oh, what is he like? 89 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,600 Go...away. 90 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,700 - Nice car. - Yeah. lt's not mine. 91 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,500 - This where you live? - Yeah. 92 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,100 Look, it's nice to meet you but l'm up early tomorrow 93 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,800 and l was up early this morning and l'm working shifts and l'm really tired. 94 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:16,100 Are we shagging, or what? lt's pissing down. 95 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,900 So what do you like doing? 96 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:33,100 l like watching telly. 97 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:37,100 - What do you like doing in bed? - Er, this is fine. 98 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,000 Rimming? 99 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,300 - Yeah. - Excellent. 100 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:54,500 Go on, then. 101 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,000 - What'd you mean, exactly? - (Phone) 102 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,400 Yeah? 103 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,900 No. 104 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,400 No, when? 105 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,400 When did that happen? 106 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:19,200 Why didn't you phone me? Of course l've been out. 107 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:22,600 - (Stifled groan) - Jesus Christ! Do you have to? 108 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:29,400 No, it's just some bloke. What's your name? 109 00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,900 - Nathan. - Nathan, say hello to Lisa. 110 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,000 - Hello. - So where is she now? 111 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,700 Yeah? 112 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,000 Right. Okey-doke. 113 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,700 Right, well, thanks for that. 114 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,800 Gotta go. 115 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:49,000 ($ Gabrielle: Give Me A Little More Time) 116 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,100 God, you've got everything. 117 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,800 Manga. Me dad's into manga. You got any porn? 118 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,800 - One or two. Yeah? - Anything good? 119 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,100 American stuff. 120 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,800 l've got some Cadinot. 121 00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:07,800 lt's much better. 122 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,900 lt's actually got a plot. 123 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,800 This one's good. Service Actif. 124 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,200 Been trying to find Service Actif Deux. 125 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:19,200 Apparently, it's been deleted. l can't s... 126 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,200 - Shall l put it on? - l haven't got time, really. 127 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:27,300 Can we just get on with it? Sorry, but it's nearly three o'clock. 128 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,300 - Fine. - (Belt unbuckling) 129 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,800 (Phone) 130 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,900 - l'd better just... - Can't you just leave it? 131 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,000 l've, erm... 132 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,200 - Hello? - Vince. Emergency. 133 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,900 l need the car. lt's happened. 134 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,400 No. No! When? 135 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:59,200 Hours ago. l can't believe it. My mobile was off. 136 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,600 Who phoned you? Lisa? What happened? Who was there? 137 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,100 There was no one there. Just those women. 138 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,400 God. 139 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,400 Oh, my God. 140 00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,700 Oh-ho-ho, my God! 141 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,100 Look, l really can't stay long. 142 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,700 Who's that? You've got someone there. 143 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,200 'Er, er, no, really, it's fine.' 144 00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:35,200 Forget the car, we'll get a taxi. You've copped off. That's a first. 145 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:38,500 No, really, really, l haven't. 146 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,100 - l'll get the car. - 'Don't you dare.' 147 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,500 l'll get a cab. Shag him blind, kick him out, l'll see you there. 148 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,500 - 'No, really, really, l...' - (Beep) 149 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,800 lt's my friend. His mother's in hospital. 150 00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,900 They think it's serious. 151 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,400 - l'll have to go. - That's a pity. 152 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,600 - l was really looking forward to that. - Me too. 153 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,800 l'll phone you a taxi. 154 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,500 - What's happened? - Everything. 155 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,600 l'll have to go, anyway. l've got college. 156 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,200 College...or school? 157 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,300 Sixth-form college. 158 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,300 - How old are you? - 18. 159 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,800 What year were you born? 160 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,000 - 1981 . - Bollocks. You had to think about it. 161 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:37,600 No one has to think about what year they were born. 162 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,000 How old are you? 163 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,000 16. 164 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,400 How old are you, really? 165 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,500 15. 166 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,400 (Driver) ls it on account? (Stuart) Yeah. 167 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,900 (Vince) Where've you been? (Stuart) Come on. 168 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,700 (Vince) You had to bring him, didn't you? 169 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,800 Oh, my God. 170 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,700 - (Baby crying) - Oh, my God. 171 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,400 Here he is. This is him. 172 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:45,800 Hold his head. Careful. 173 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,600 Started this morning. Ten o'clock tonight, there he was. 174 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,200 - l wanted to be there. - No, you didn't. 175 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,400 lt's like a car crash down there. 176 00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:59,200 Oh, God. Funny shaped head. He's... 177 00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,900 Ugly, aren't they? He doesn't look like me. 178 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,000 We weren't talking about names, because that's up to you and Romey. 179 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:08,800 But l just looked at him and said, ''Frederick?'' 180 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,800 - l quite like it. - What, in an ironic sort of way? 181 00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:14,300 - Yeah. - No, it's not ironic enough. 182 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:19,200 What about Alfred? That way, you've still got the Fred bit. Run a check on Alfred. 183 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:23,600 Alf Roberts, Alfie, Michael Caine. Alf - that American sitcom with the puppet - 184 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:28,000 bit dodgy. But that's forgotten by the time he's in school. Unless it's on cable. 185 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:31,000 l bet they've got it on Bravo. Oh. 186 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:36,100 Alfred's the name of Batman's butler - marvellous. Good name. 187 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,800 Alfred. What do you think? 188 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,600 - Great. - He's mine. 189 00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,800 Aren't you going to introduce us? 190 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,100 Er, what was your name again? 191 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:51,800 - Nathan. - Oh, you've met. Lisa was on the phone 192 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,800 - when Nathan shot his load all over me. - For God's sake. 193 00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:57,800 Well, he did. He's 15, aren't you, Nate? 194 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:01,900 - You both had a child on the same night. - He's brought the trophy cabinet. 195 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,400 The most important phone call of my life and he was there. l couldn't leave him. 196 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,400 You wanted to come, didn't you? 197 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,400 Yeah. 198 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,600 Romey, what the fuck have we done? 199 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,100 Oh, shit. 200 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,600 Yes, yes, yes. 201 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:33,800 Take off your watch. 202 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,800 (Nurse) Excuse me, please. (Porter) Mind your backs. 203 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:41,800 Yes, yes, yes. 204 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,600 You're good, Vince. You'll do good things. 205 00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:47,700 - Could you tell if l had cancer? - Why would you have it? 206 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:52,000 - l always think l've got cancer. - She'll love it. Yeah, thanks, bye. 207 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,500 Bloody Ken - he's sending flowers. l should have got flowers. 208 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,600 Nathan, get some flowers, quick as you can. 209 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:02,100 You can't use your mobile. You'll switch off the iron lungs. 210 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,300 There's a thought - l should have a cigar. 211 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,100 You don't have to do what he says. 212 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,100 l...l don't mind. 213 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,400 l'll, erm, just get some... 214 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,500 (Low talking, coughing) 215 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,500 (Vince) Blimey, bit nippy. 216 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,000 Look, you can see my mother's house from here. 217 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,500 Come on, let's go back down. 218 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,700 lt's weird, isn't it? 219 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,800 l mean, he's real. 220 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,600 Just seeing him, it's like... 221 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,900 l dunno what it's like. l mean, it's brilliant. 222 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,200 But it's weird. 223 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,000 The most expensive wank l've ever had. 224 00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:42,300 Oh, that's right, top yourself. 225 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,300 That's what they do in soaps. Birth and death in the same episode. 226 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,800 Get down. You've gotta be responsible now...dad. 227 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,600 That's it. Arms out. Titanic! 228 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:05,200 - King of the world! - l'm always Kate Winslet. 229 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:08,000 King of the world! 230 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,800 Congratulations. 231 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,800 Oh, my God. 232 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,000 Vince, hard-on. 233 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,000 l have not. 234 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:49,200 l didn't know you cared. No one's looking. Go on, get it out, get it out. 235 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,900 Fuck off. Six months since l've had a shag. 236 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,100 lt's like Pavlov's dogs. 237 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,700 You sad bastard. 238 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,900 - Stuart. - Had him. 239 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,700 You're going home. You're going to sleep, 240 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,400 you're getting up and you're going to work. 241 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:23,000 Then, you can work hard for the next 20 years. You've got a kid to look after now. 242 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:26,100 Absolutely, l promise. Yes. 243 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,600 Want one? 244 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:33,800 All right, more for me. 245 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,300 Right. Nathan, let's go. lt's all getting a bit lesbian in here. 246 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,800 My waters have broken! 247 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,100 (Stuart) He's a calendar, that kid, he's a clock. 248 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:56,400 A great big stopwatch just staring me in the face. 249 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,800 As he gets older, that's all he can do. 250 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,800 Do you know what that means? 251 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,200 l'm getting older. 252 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:07,700 (Sniggers) Mind you... 253 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,900 they don't always live. (Laughs) 254 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,600 Meningitis - that's a good one. 255 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,500 (Vince) Stuart, what have you taken? 256 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,600 That's not E. You only took it five minutes ago. 257 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:23,200 - What is it? - Don't know. lt was expensive. 258 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,900 You don't even know what you're taking. You twat. 259 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,000 Hmm. 260 00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:43,500 - (Horn beeps, tyres screech) - Shit! Fuck! 261 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,000 Look, leave him alone. 262 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,200 l'll take him home. 263 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:57,500 l'm gonna fuck you. l'm gonna fuck you all night, yeah? ls that what you want? 264 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,700 l'm taking him home. 265 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,000 - l'm going with him. - Good boy. (Laughs) 266 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,200 (Nathan moaning) 267 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,300 (Gasping) 268 00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:06,600 No one told you about that, did they? 269 00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,600 That's it. 270 00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:36,600 Slowly. 271 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:39,600 That's all of them. 272 00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:43,800 All the football team. 273 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:46,600 All the what? 274 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,800 All of them - naked and in shorts. (Laughing) 275 00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:58,000 And the referee's going, ''Yes...yes...yes... 276 00:22:58,100 --> 00:23:00,000 ''ln we go.'' 277 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:02,600 (Gasps) Slowly. Really. 278 00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:05,200 ($ Doctor Who theme) 279 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:13,500 - 'Ahh!' - 'Die.' 280 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,000 - 'l will bring Sutekh's gift of death...' - ..gift of death... 281 00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,700 - '..to all humanity.' - ..to all humanity. 282 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,200 - 'Ahh!' - ($ Doctor Who theme) 283 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,100 (Alarm bleeps) 284 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,500 (Car alarm) 285 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:57,000 Oi! 286 00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:05,300 You little bastards. 287 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,900 - You poof! - We seen you! We seen you! 288 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,900 You fucking queer! 289 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,800 For fuck's sake. 290 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:49,000 - What the hell is that? - You did this map 291 00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:52,500 of all the places you've had a shag. lt starts out Manchester, 292 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,400 but that bit's Denmark and then you went to New York. 293 00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:59,400 All right, l know. You might have stopped me. 294 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:02,300 l'll have to get it painted again, now. Shit. 295 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,000 lt's the pens. l've gotta get rid of the pens. 296 00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:08,500 Right, well, gotta go. 297 00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:21,200 God, the state of me. 298 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,700 - What happened to the car? - Vince took it. 299 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,600 - Good, he'll bring it back. - Can l have a shower? 300 00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:30,600 Hurry up, then. 301 00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:36,100 - Oh, what is that? - lt's the Millennium Dome. 302 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:40,700 - You met that bloke... - That wasn't ecstasy. That fucking Anita. 303 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,400 l bet she sold me dog-worming tablets again. 304 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,900 Go on then, shower! 305 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:51,500 l'm such a twat. l am such a twat. 306 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:15,600 'Don't panic. lt's Romey, l'm in hospital. The contractions have started...' 307 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,600 Fuck, l've got a baby. 308 00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:28,300 Why doesn't anyone stop me? lt's not my fault. 309 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,800 They should stop me. 310 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,000 Hey. 311 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,200 - ($ Pulp: Something Changed) - (Beeps horn) 312 00:26:57,300 --> 00:26:59,200 He's here. 313 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,600 Oh, excellent. Well done, Vince. 314 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:15,900 Then don't give me the car. l've warned you before. 315 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,900 - lt was those kids. - Doesn't matter. Company car. 316 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,400 Now, let's get our little lad to school. 317 00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:26,200 $ ..kiss to celebrate here today... 318 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:31,000 $ Something changed... $ 319 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:33,200 What's his name again? 320 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,400 (Boy) Saw him down the chippy, and he said, ''No.'' 321 00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:41,000 And l said, ''You did.'' Just a liar, isn't he? 322 00:27:41,100 --> 00:27:44,000 - (Girl) She went mental. - (School bell) 323 00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,100 (Chatter, indistinct) 324 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,000 (Vince) Pull in. (Stuart) He's going to school. 325 00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:57,700 - Pull in here. - l'll take him to the door. 326 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,600 - ($ Suede: Beautiful Ones) - Stuart, they'll see the car. 327 00:28:01,700 --> 00:28:03,700 So? 328 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,200 $ ..meat to the beat... $ - (Beeps horn) 329 00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:10,000 $ High on diesel and gasoline 330 00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:15,200 $ Psycho for drum machine shaking their bits to the hits 331 00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:20,600 $ Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones 332 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:23,200 $ The beautiful ones 333 00:28:23,300 --> 00:28:25,300 $ La la la la... $ 334 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,500 Ooh! 335 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,900 (Boy) ls that your mum? 336 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,600 First lesson - home economics. 337 00:28:32,700 --> 00:28:35,000 - Batty man. - You twat. 338 00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:37,000 (Boys puckering) 339 00:28:37,100 --> 00:28:39,500 $ You don't do without it... $ 340 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:42,500 - Can l see you again? - Let's just go. 341 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,200 - Can l see you again? - You can see me now. 342 00:28:46,300 --> 00:28:48,800 - Nathan, where've you been? - Piss off. 343 00:28:48,900 --> 00:28:51,400 Aw, now, your little friend. 344 00:28:51,500 --> 00:28:55,000 - l could meet you tonight. - God knows where l'll be. 345 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:58,200 - l could be in lpswich. - Come on, boys, give us a kiss. 346 00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:02,200 l'll give you a good fuck, you tight little virgin. 347 00:29:02,300 --> 00:29:05,800 We're going now, Stuart. Just shut your face and drive. 348 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:09,200 - Can l see you, though? - Oh, you'll see me all right. 349 00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:11,300 You can't miss me. 350 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,600 $ La la la la la 351 00:29:17,900 --> 00:29:22,700 $ La la, la la la-la la la-la 352 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,000 $ La la la la la la 353 00:29:25,100 --> 00:29:27,000 $ La-la-la-la, la la... $ 354 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:29,700 - (Wolf whistle) - Who's the bloke, Maloney? 355 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,400 Your boyfriend? 356 00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:34,600 (Boy) You poof. 357 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,300 (Boy laughing) What's he doing? 358 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,000 l was just a shag. l knew that. 359 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,400 l suppose l fell in love a bit. 360 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:55,000 Like you do. l thought, ''l'll never see him again''. 361 00:29:56,300 --> 00:29:58,800 How was l to know? 362 00:29:58,900 --> 00:30:01,000 Stuart Alan Jones. 363 00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:06,200 Six months later, he was begging me to stay. 364 00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:08,500 ($ Air: Sexy Boy) 27278

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