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1
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little, nibbly things for lunch.
2
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Just a sort of...like, erm...like a meze thing.
3
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Just some teeny, weeny Peppadewpeppers - your favourite.
4
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OK, bye. Bye-bye. Bye.
5
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Oh, it's Julia...
6
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SHE GIGGLES
7
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..erm, Johnson.
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Come on.
9
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CAR DOOR SHUTS
10
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Just leaving a voicemail for Garry.
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We have, you know, we have lunchtogether every day, so...
12
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Ooh, Liz, that's very reductive.
13
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Garry's way, way more than that.
14
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He's, erm...
15
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He's a plasterer, a tiler,a plumber, he's...
16
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Garry's just one of those guys,you know?
17
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Like, he can do everything.
18
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I mean, I'd trust him with my life,I'd trust him with my kids' lives.
19
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Oh, I feel like that
20
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about Clare Balding. Hey, Anne.
21
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Hi, hello. Oh, look, there's Kevin.
22
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About Saturday. Oh, erm, no.
23
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Well... Yeah? Yeah. OK. Go on.
24
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Hi! So, don't forget the PTAfundraiser on Saturday.
25
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because it's Garry's last day so wemight want to kick back and relax.
26
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Hmm, yeah, open a Chablis, you know,run through some snags.
27
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I, for one, would be pleasedto make a night of it.
28
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Celebrate my cancer -alles ist klar!
29
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Ah! And, erm, it's also a certainperson's birthday that night.
30
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Oh, no, not a disco.
31
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Who wants to watch a load of cringeymums grinding on the dance floor?
32
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Me. I want to watch Amandatwerk the caretaker
33
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wearing a Whistles body-con.
34
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Yes, Amanda does havea spontaneous dance routine ready
35
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The whole thing is her idea.
36
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But she wants itto look like it wasn't.
37
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Oh, wait.
38
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Was I supposed to say that?
39
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,240
So, Anne, you're in charge
40
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of puddings, cocktails,
41
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sorting the sound system.
42
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Who is doing finger sandwiches,crudites, mini quiches?
43
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BABY GURGLES
44
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Thanks, Anne.
45
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That's so generous.
46
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What with it also being a certainspecial day that day.
47
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GROANING: Anne.
48
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I absolutely do not wantany fuss, OK?
49
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Saturday is not about little old me,
50
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it's all about classroomair filters. OK, guys?
51
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No, sure.
52
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Don't expect us to have doneanything for you or anything.
53
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Good.
54
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Not even a nice bit of cake or...
55
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,560
Maybe a croquembouche, I...
56
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SHE CHUCKLES
57
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I was thinking oflike a large sponge from M&S.
58
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,440
That's a bit like not botheringat all, isn't it?
59
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OK, I'm going to get something else.
60
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,040
Hi, Amanda. Don't talk to me.
61
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Oh, right. OK.Cos someone might see.
62
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,400
S-see what? Oh, OK. But I wasjust coming to order, so...
63
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UNDER BREATH: Oh, God.
64
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,800
Right, Amanda,it's going to be hard.
65
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Our lives are pretty intertwined.
66
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WHISPERS: Our lives are notintertwined!
67
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We're not Richard and Judy.
68
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,640
No, I mean, like at...at school,here, every day, the fundraiser.
69
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Stop talking to me.
70
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Would you ratherI didn't come to it?
71
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,840
Whatever, Kevin.But I don't want to distract you...
72
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Distract's the wrong word -bother you...
73
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UNDER BREATH: Fuck off!
74
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,880
Yeah, just a little chocolate,thank you.
75
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,400
Well, that's it, then.
76
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,720
Yeah, once I get this done,I'll be out of your hair.
77
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,200
The final, erm...
78
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,560
What's that called again?
79
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,720
The finial?
80
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,120
The final finial.
81
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,320
and a basement to tank.
82
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,800
I don't mind saying this -I'm going to struggle without you.
83
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,320
It's all right. You won't haveany more problems with the flush.
84
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SHE LAUGHS
85
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,720
Oh, my God!
86
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,080
I... We thought we were never goingto get that working!
87
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,840
Do you remember that? Yeah.
88
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,680
You're probably, erm, totally,totally busy,
89
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,600
but there's this thing onat school...
90
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,880
No, sorry.
91
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,080
Yeah. No.Totally crossing the line, yeah.
92
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,840
I am chock-a-block at the minute.
93
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,120
And, I tell you -honestly, with schools,
94
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,400
once you take one job, that's it,they'll treat you like a caretaker.
95
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,400
I've had that. Yeah. Oh!
96
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,760
Can I get your email address?
97
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,560
QUIETLY: Yeah.
98
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,840
Yeah, you...you can have my personalone.
99
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It's JuliaJohnson@...
100
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,920
Or you could just write it.
101
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TOOLS CLANG
102
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,760
Right, all done. It's in there.
103
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,280
OK. Bye.
104
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,040
Bye, Marilyn. Bye, Garry!Thanks for everything.
105
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,960
SHE EXHALES
106
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PHONE RINGS
107
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,920
Hey, J! Amanda, hi.
108
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Listen, I need to tell yousomething. Can you do coffee later?
109
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,480
Oh, sweet, babe! Listen,I'm super-busy right now cos...
110
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,760
OK, but I don't want youfinding out on Instagram.
111
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I didn't realise that Tamarawas going to post it
112
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all over social media and obviously
113
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I would've rather told youin person,
114
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,560
but, erm, Tamaraand I have got engaged.
115
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We haven't set a date yet and, erm,
116
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I'm going to tell the kidsthis weekend.
117
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I thought you deserved to hear itfrom me.
118
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,800
Amanda, are you still there?
119
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,400
Testing, testing. One, two,one, two, buckle my shoe.
120
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Three, four, shut the door.
121
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Five, six... Five, six... Five...
122
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,840
Hello, Anne.
123
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,840
Is this the bar?Cos it just looks like tables.
124
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Yes, well, I haven't put outany plastic cups yet.
125
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,520
Yeah, you know what? Forget it.
126
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,240
Let's just forget the whole thing.
127
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,480
Forget what?
128
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,640
Just forgetmy whole stupid birthday.
129
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,760
R-really?Or just, erm, pretend-really?
130
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,080
Ugh, just... Could someoneget my fucking spin bike
131
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,080
out of my fucking car, please?
132
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,600
Just...
133
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,840
KNOCK AT DOOR
134
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:02,800
KNOCKING
135
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,200
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
136
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,160
Nice glove. What are you doing,waiting for your falcon?
137
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,480
It's Garry's. What do you want?
138
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,600
We came early. Liz said you weremaking some pre-fundraiser drinks.
139
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,120
What? Liz!
140
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,440
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
141
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,400
You can't bring that in here.Goodness me, my mother's at home!
142
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,760
I don't want her to go blindas well as senile.
143
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,280
MOTHER: I can hear you!Evening, Marion.
144
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,360
Hey. Notice anything different?
145
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,800
You've had a wash.
146
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No, my finial!
147
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Garry restored it.
148
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Can't quite believe he's gone yet.
149
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,800
Don't really think it's...Where's the booze?
150
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,080
Got any juice?
151
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,760
Goodness me! What are you, 12?
152
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,720
Do you want a Cheestringas an accompaniment?
153
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,560
I'm cycling. I can't drink and ride.
154
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,400
But when I get to Haywards Heath,lock up your bottles.
155
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,840
Kevin's on one. Jill and I havefinally got a schedule
156
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,160
she can't legally get out of.She's got the girls,
157
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,600
which means the weekend's mineto do with as I please.
158
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I can have a lie-in, change the bed,do a shop, get the car washed.
159
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Cheers to that. Mm! Oh!
160
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,800
Fancy a banana, Kevin? Oh, sorry.
161
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It's for the potassium.
162
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I'm hoping to win the cupfor the fastest leg - again.
163
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God, I love cycling.
164
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I can't cycle.
165
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My labia are too thin.
166
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,320
It's a thing, look it up.
167
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,360
I have the opposite problem,mine are too chubby.
168
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,720
It's a hell of a hoof in a leotard.
169
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,320
Hm. Right, come on - drink up.I've got to meet Sam at nine.
170
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I'm going to load upon Anne's soggy sausage rolls
171
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before I do a runner.
172
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,200
So when are we going to get to meetthis legendary shepherd?
173
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Go on, invite him along. No, no.
174
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,440
Never mix business with pleasure.
175
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And by business,I mean school fundraisers,
176
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FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS
177
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COINS CLATTERThanks. Sorry about the state of me,
178
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I've not been home yet. I'll popback in a bit and get changed.
179
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Hiya. Yo.
180
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Oh, I think he's doing, erm,an adrenaline shit.
181
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Hi, guys! It's, erm, �3.50.
182
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Sorry about the state of me,I've not been back home yet.
183
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I'll pop back in a bitand get changed.
184
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I'll get hers, yeah? OK.
185
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Oh.
186
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Oh, hi!
187
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Are you going in or not?
188
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We can't arrive together.
189
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I think it's fine, Amanda.
190
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Well, go in, then.
191
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,080
Hi Kevin. It's �3.50. Yeah.
192
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Sorry about the state of me,I've not been back home yet.
193
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I'll, er, cock pack - uh, pop backsoon and get changed.
194
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Thanks, Anne.
195
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Thank you.
196
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,760
Bit of hush, please, everyone.
197
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She's here - the hero of the hour.
198
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APPLAUSE
199
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For she's a jolly good fellow...
200
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ALL: For she's a jolly good fellow
201
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:44,640
For she's a jolly good fellowAnd so say all of us.
202
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:48,240
Three cheers for Megfor smashing cancer.
203
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Hip, hip...
204
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Hooray!
205
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Hip, hip...
206
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Hooray!
207
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Hip, hip...
208
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,440
Hooray!
209
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:02,880
WOMAN SCREAMS
210
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,360
Oh, calm down,it's just a starter pistol.
211
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Jesus. OK, here we go.
212
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,280
ALL: Three, two, one...
213
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,480
I'm up next. Are yougoing to cheer me on?
214
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:34,640
Do you want a nut?
215
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,240
What's the matter with YOU?
216
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,600
Oh, is this about that builder?
217
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,560
Please don't sayyou're banging a builder.
218
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,520
It's worse than that.I'm NOT banging the builder.
219
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,240
So you're imaginingbanging the builder?
220
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,920
You don't know Garrylike I know Garry.
221
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,040
I know builders. Lee's a builder.
222
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,080
Well,technically a plasterer, but...
223
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,560
It's like a builder, butthey're not allowed power tools.
224
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AIR-HORN HOOTS
225
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,760
Hope those glutes are burning,Lila's mum.
226
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,240
Next up - Kevin Brady.
227
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,680
Ardingly to Haywards Heath,I'm going to smash you up!
228
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:07,040
Whoo!
229
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:07,040
CHEERING
230
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,680
Go on, Kev. Come on, Kevin!Go, Kevin!
231
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Go on, Kev!
232
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,760
Shall we go? Yeah. Yeah.
233
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MAN: Hey, happy birthday,you old sod.
234
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Ah, thanks, mate.So good to see you.
235
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THEY SIGH
236
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Oof!
237
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Reminiscing?
238
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"I'm in Homebase - need anything?No, got the screws."
239
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Hey, thank you, it's private.
240
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,560
You're not actually seriousabout this guy?
241
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,640
Garry? Yeah, 100%.I mean, yeah, he's...
242
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,480
Oh, my God, he's so lovely.
243
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:51,040
He's like... He makes mefeel so fizzing with...
244
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You know, it's like I've beenin a coma and he's just woken me up.
245
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,280
You have been in a coma -it's called adult life.
246
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Yes, kids and billsand citalopram and Radio 2.
247
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I mean, oh, God! What is it all for?Where is our reward?
248
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,920
We're just going to all bobblearound then drop down with a stroke!
249
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Yes, I want Garry.
250
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,640
You're such a derp!
251
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,320
I can't believe you're going to pinyour middle-age freak-out
252
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,680
on a bloke who fixes your bog.
253
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,720
Yeah, you might as well fall in lovewith the bloke at the Texaco garage.
254
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,240
Mm! Liz, love, you're not goingto put me off him.
255
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,320
I... I can't unseethe things he's shown me.
256
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,920
My God, what's he shown you?A bit of silicone?
257
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,120
A new U-bend? You're dreaming, mate!
258
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,960
Bet he hasn't given youa second thought!
259
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,200
Yes, he has, actually.
260
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,760
For your info,he's asked for my email.
261
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,080
Ooh! So, you know, I'm goingto get it on with Garry.
262
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,760
OK, so you know whatI think you need to do?
263
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,760
I think you need to seeyour husband more often.
264
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,240
No, he's an asshole.
265
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,520
He's not a TOTAL arsehole.
266
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:47,040
I mean, my God, he didn't batan eyelid when your mum moved in.
267
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,480
Her taking over your bedroom,
268
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,920
hanging her big grey knickersover your radiators.
269
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,920
I think I should just talk to Paul,I think I should...
270
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:57,280
I think I just need to be open,I just...
271
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,680
Siri, call Paul.
272
00:12:58,680 --> 00:12:59,720
Siri, no!
273
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,080
Thank you, Meg. She won't do it.Siri, can you call Paul?
274
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,920
No! Stop her. Oh!
275
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,680
Get it! What are you doing?!
276
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,440
THEY GRUNT
277
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,440
Argh!
278
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,800
MUFFLED: You're crushing me.
279
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,120
AIR HORN HOOTS
280
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,320
Whoo! Yes!
281
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,760
Guys, did you s...? Guys?
282
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,240
Hey, hey...
283
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,480
Amanda, did you see...?Sorry. And...
284
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,680
Hi, Kevin. Great ride.
285
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,280
Can I get you something to drink?
286
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,800
Aperol spritz, espresso martini,snakebite...
287
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,720
I'll have one of each.
288
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,360
Oh, erm, it's not happening now.
289
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,960
She said she didn't want a fuss.
290
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,880
I think. There you go.
291
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,120
No.
292
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,080
HE SLURPS
293
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,160
Please, just give me my phone back.
294
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,080
I'm going to text Garrythat you hate him.
295
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,240
Oh, my God,you're being an absolute bitch!
296
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,200
Oh, bollocks! It's nine o'clock.I've got to meet Sam.
297
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,680
PHONE BUZZES
298
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,840
Oh, my God. Garry's emailed me.He's sent me an email.
299
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,880
He-he!
300
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,240
Oh, it's just an invoice so...
301
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,960
Five grand?! Oh!
302
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,720
He's charging your five grandfor granny-proofing your bog?!
303
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,320
How much overtime?!
304
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,760
No, that was just, we...
305
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,240
Well, we had, erm, a beerin the garden. It's just a...
306
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,360
Oh, my God.What an arsehole invoice!
307
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,600
No, I think it's just admin,I don't think it means...
308
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,240
No, no, no. According to thisinvoice, he's not the man for you.
309
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,040
He's charged you �600 for a finial.
310
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,800
What's a ratted finial?
311
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,520
Meg, it's a...It's an architectural...
312
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:54,920
I... I don't know.
313
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,360
I told you, builders -you can't trust any of 'em.
314
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,920
Right, I'm off to meet an actual manwho actually wants to sleep with me.
315
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,400
Slag.
316
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,840
Liz! Liz, hey!
317
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,160
How do I get in?
318
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,520
What are you doing here?
319
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,120
I-I said I'd meet you at the pub.
320
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,640
where my son parks his scooter?Not particularly.
321
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,080
Oh, come on, let me in.
322
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,400
No... No, it's...
323
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,560
I-I'll come out.
324
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,880
Well, come on!
325
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,600
I want to see your kid's classroomand the tiny little chairs.
326
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,760
Oh, no. It's... It's lame.
327
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,720
Come on, I want to meet your mates.Let me in!
328
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,240
No! Don't be a dick.
329
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,920
What, are you embarrassed about meor something? No, no.
330
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,080
I just don't want you to see my...
331
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,560
..shitty life.You know, I don't...
332
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,120
I don't want you in herecontaminated with verrucas
333
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,320
and bogeys and Amanda.
334
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,200
I want to keep you out there,separate.
335
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,960
On a tractor or something.
336
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,880
I'm coming in. What are you doing?
337
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,120
You can't stop me. Oh, my God!
338
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,400
Don't, you'll crush your bits,you dick.
339
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,520
It's OK.You don't want kids anyway, do you?
340
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,480
Oh, oh... Oh, sh... Oh, my God!
341
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,440
I want to see these tiny chairsand your stupid friends.
342
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,200
Well, I guessI may as well go home, then.
343
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,600
Well, unless you wantto man the bar.
344
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,280
Yeah, that's what I want to bedoing - serving own-brand spirits
345
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,880
behind a bloody trestle tableon my birthday.
346
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,480
I mean, look at me.
347
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,480
You said you didn't wantto celebrate.
348
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,240
WHISPERING: I didn't, but...come on!
349
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,200
This is it?
350
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,080
BABY CRIES
351
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,320
The baby needs feedingand I haven't even done the bins.
352
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,520
Oh, God. I don't know where...Why'd you even bring it?
353
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,560
It? Him. Her! Her, then.
354
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,440
Well, you'd know she was a girl ifyou even bothered to learn her name.
355
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,560
What do you mean? I'm so tired,I can't even feel my own eyes.
356
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,240
What's my baby's name, Amanda?
357
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,960
What? What's my baby's name?What are you saying?
358
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,080
What's my baby's name?
359
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,920
Are you sayingI don't know your baby's name?
360
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,440
What's my baby's name? Stop it,Anne, you sound like a robot.
361
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:02,200
What's my baby's name? I have gotan awful lot on my mind right now.
362
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,360
What's my baby's name?
363
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,440
S...something Irishy.
364
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,800
What's my baby's name?You're scaring me, Anne!
365
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,080
What's my baby's name? F-F-F...
366
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,200
What's my baby's name?
367
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,240
I don't know your baby's name, Anne.
368
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,560
It's Niamh.
369
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,480
Well...how am I expectedto know that?
370
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,680
Please, don't shout at meon my special day.
371
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,840
Jesus Christ!
372
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,360
IS it your special day or isn't it?
373
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,560
Because I'm here on my owndoing everything,
374
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,840
and I haven't even had a chanceto drop the baby home
375
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,040
and I wouldn't mind...You're not even 39, you're 41,
376
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,160
you big, blonde, stupid cow!
377
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,560
Hi. Erm, Garry, it's Julia.
378
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,440
Fuck.
379
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,320
ANSWERPHONE: Message deleted.
380
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,400
To re-record your message,press one.
381
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,400
Hi, Garry. Erm, it's, erm,Julia Johnson here.
382
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,880
Erm, it's...
383
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,120
Erm, 20 past 9on the 9th of, erm...
384
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,400
MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS
385
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,360
I cannot believeyou are coming on to me here.
386
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,240
Amanda, wait.
387
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,640
Amanda...
388
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,080
Kevin, I am not interested.
389
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,600
For goodness' sake, I just cameto see if you were all right.
390
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,120
Because I care as a...as a friend,as a human being.
391
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,640
Not... Not because we made love.
392
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,520
Shh! You, you...
393
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,920
God! Do you want the whole worldto know?
394
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,160
Well, I... I don't.
395
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,360
Right, well, that's...
396
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,160
You know what? I'm not ashamed.
397
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,560
We enjoyed each other's bodies.
398
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,680
It was good - not the greatest.
399
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,240
Twice.
400
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,800
Get over it, Amanda,because I have. OK?
401
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,960
And you can stop sulkingin the children's toilets.
402
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:53,520
It's your bloody birthday,so get out here and bloody enjoy it.
403
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,400
Johnny's getting married.
404
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,360
I just found out today.
405
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,400
Oh.
406
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,080
Ouch.
407
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,600
Gosh, I'm...
408
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:08,880
I'm sorry.
409
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,280
He told you on your bloody birthday?
410
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,640
Yeah.
411
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,720
You know, I'm not oneto bad-mouth anybody,
412
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,040
but what a wanker!
413
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,880
Thank you, Kevin.
414
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,680
I needed that.
415
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,720
TOILET FLUSHES
416
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,080
DOOR SHUTS
417
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,440
WHISPERING: Oh, my God.
418
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,520
Hi, Garry. It's Julia here.
419
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,520
Erm, I just wanted to really saythank you.
420
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:06,400
Erm, not just for your, erm,hard work and your,
421
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,840
erm, exemplary craftsmanship,but also, erm...
422
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,680
..because I...
423
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,920
I haven't really felt anythingfor a long time. I...
424
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,040
I-I haven't...I haven't felt loved and I...
425
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,680
I haven't... I haven't actuallyreally felt very, erm...
426
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:45,880
And, I mean, I know...I know you don't, erm, love me.
427
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,920
I... I don't even thinkyou like me very much.
428
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,160
I think it's cos...
429
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,120
I think you probably find me quitecreepy, which, erm, I probably am.
430
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,360
It's... It's quite, erm...
431
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,880
Anyway, I just...
432
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,440
I just wanted to saythat you made me feel something,
433
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,080
and I really, really loved that.
434
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,200
I think...I think it's locked, Anne, love.
435
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,720
I just called Amanda a cow and I...I think I liked it.
436
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,400
Eh? She can organiseher own fecking surprise birthday.
437
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,760
I've had it up to the back teeth,you know?
438
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,920
What has she got to be peed offabout?
439
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,480
With all her hair and the...The fellas!
440
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,440
You're beautifulwhen you're angry, Anne.
441
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,800
Kevin banged Amandaup the back of Hygge Tygge.
442
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,200
Eh? Mmm.
443
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,920
No. Yes.
444
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,440
Our...our Kevin? And that Amanda?
445
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,960
Yeah, I know, right?
446
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,440
Lucky her.
447
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,040
Who hasn't imagined that curly headin between their thighs?
448
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,320
Literally everyonehasn't imagined that, Anne.
449
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,080
Oh, my days.
450
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,640
What... Well, don't tell anyone!
451
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,560
My God, no.Of course I wouldn't tell...
452
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,720
Oh, my God,I'm still on Garry's voicemail.
453
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,280
Of course I would not do that.I wouldn't tell anybody.
454
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,720
Oh, my God, I can't waitto tell the guys!
455
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,080
Hold the door.... Please... Oh...
456
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,320
CHANTING: Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!
457
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,760
Move, move, move, move,move, move, move!
458
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,200
Hello, I just... I just needto borrow my pal just for a second.
459
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,880
Kevin and Amanda bumped. His...
460
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,160
His penis in-in-intoher vagina hole.
461
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,880
Fuck off. Hey, hey, hey!
462
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,760
Where the hell were YOUwhen I busted a gut for the PTA?
463
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,840
What? Why are you...why are you staring at me?
464
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,080
AIR HORN HOOTSCHEERING
465
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,480
Thank you, Jade's mum.
466
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,440
the cup for tonight's fastest leg.
467
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,040
Hi, everyone.
468
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,720
What a night!
469
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:13,720
OK, before I give this fab cupto the lucky winner,
470
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,560
I just want to say thank youso much to everyone for coming -
471
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:23,280
particularly my dearparent-in-arms, Anne.
472
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:29,200
Anne has been beavering away -much appreciated -
473
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,360
despite having baby Ni...
474
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:46,560
It is about us, the parents,giving up our spare time
475
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,040
to make a goddamn difference, guys.
476
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,040
So, yay!
477
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,040
APPLAUSE
478
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,400
Yeah, yeah.
479
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:59,200
So without further ado, it ismy great honour to award this trophy
480
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,400
to this year's fastest leg.
481
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,160
It's like the Oscars.
482
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,440
And the winner is...
483
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,080
..Kevin Brady.
484
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,760
Ah! Yes!
485
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,760
THEY CHEER
486
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,360
Get up there, Kev. Come on!
487
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,520
Try to keep it clean.
488
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,040
Yes. Wow, yes! Thank you.
489
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,760
HE CHUCKLES
490
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,440
Erm, can I just say -
491
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,400
and I don't think you'll mind metelling everyone - erm...
492
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,040
..it's actually this lady's birthdaytoday.
493
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,880
Erm, she's being very modest
494
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,480
because she's had a bit of a year,let's...let's face it.
495
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,920
And she could've been out todayat Pizza Express with her gal pals,
496
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,960
but she gave up her big dayto be here with us.
497
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,080
APPLAUSE
498
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:57,400
So I think... I think that it's onlyright that she should kick off
499
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:01,320
the after-show partywith the first dance.
500
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,880
MUSIC: Drank & Drugsby Lil Kleine & Ronnie Flex
501
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,680
Are you kidding me, Anne?
502
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,520
Wait, you seriously want meto do my dance
503
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,880
What are you like?!
504
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,200
I don't even knowif I can remember it.
505
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,880
SCATTERED CHEERING
506
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,400
WHOOPING
507
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,120
Just stay there... Just use this.
508
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,360
Oi. Julia!
509
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,480
You're letting yourself down.Get off me!
510
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,920
Let me... Let me hold your cup.THEY LAUGH
511
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,360
Come on. You're embarrassingyourself, Julia!
512
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,720
Oi-oi. Hey! Paulie...!
513
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,320
Bloody hell! Never seen himon school soil.
514
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,040
Hey, mate! You look great.
515
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,280
Hey, Keith.
516
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,320
Hi, babe! Heya.
517
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,600
Why are you...? Why are you here?You... Is there...?
518
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,520
Am I late? Was I supposed to besomewhere?
519
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,640
No, I just thoughtI'd sneak out and join you.
520
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,600
Kids are in bed. Your mum'swatching Millionaire. Oh! OK.
521
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,600
I mean, how often do we get to havea night out together? Yeah! God...
522
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,280
Yep.
523
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,280
SHE LAUGHS
524
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,840
Are you...? You all right?
525
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,400
I need to tell you something.
526
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:30,640
Yeah?
527
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,360
I need to tell you...
528
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:39,920
Yeah?
529
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,960
Erm...
530
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,120
Is this about the builder, Julia?
531
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,520
QUIETLY: Yes. How did you know?
532
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,240
Cos you've been drooling over himfor weeks.
533
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,200
It's been like livingwith a teenager.
534
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,600
I-I want to be with him, Paul.
535
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:02,880
I...
536
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:04,880
I need to be with Garry.
537
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,320
I know.
538
00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:09,720
Because I want to be with him, too.
539
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,160
I'm serious, Paul.
540
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,520
No, I'm serious!
541
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,120
SHE LAUGHS
542
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:20,280
You pig! No, I love him!
543
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,120
THEY LAUGH
544
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,920
I love you, you idiot. God!
545
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:27,160
Come on.
546
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,080
THEY LAUGH
547
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,880
Can we at least get an extension?
548
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,080
LIZ: Maybe you should show himthe invoice first.
549
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,840
Right, pub.
550
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,840
MUFFLED SPEECH
551
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,360
LIZ: Yes, pub!
552
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:39,920
LAUGHTER
553
00:28:39,970 --> 00:28:44,520
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