Original subtitles

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up ♪

JWill you get up wlll you get up ♪

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up ♪

; Will you get up today;

♪ No, no, Mother I won't get up ♪

; I won't get up I won't get UP ♪

♪ No, no, Mother I won't get up ♪

♪ I won't get up today;

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up ♪

JWill you get up wlll you get up ♪

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up will you get up today;

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up ♪

JWill you get up wlll you get up ♪

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up will you get up today;

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up will you get up today;

♪ Lazy Mary, will you get up will you get up ♪♪

- Who is it? - I've got a special delivery airmail for you, Pa.

Well, I-- I got my hands full, Hank.

Slip it under the door.

♪ General Sherman had an army ofl00,000 men;

♪ He marched them up the hill ♪

; And then he marched them down again ♪

♪ When they were up they were up ♪

♪ And when they were down they were down ♪

♪ And when they were halfway up ♪

♪ They were neither up nor down ♪♪

[Door Opening, Closing 1

How ya feelin' now, Ma?

Same as I always do after a hard day's washin'.

You sure you ain't sick?

If anybody's sick around here, it must be you.

'Tain't natural for you to work hard enough to get my breakfast. Now, now, Ma.

There ain't gonna be no more tough days for you, 'cause I'm gonna help.

With the washin'? Mm-hmm.

Startin' today, I'm gonna make a clean shirt...

last a month instead of two weeks.

Oh, here's a letter for us. Who's it from?

Must be from Kim's folks. The postmark says Boston.

Two airplane tickets to New York...

and then to Paris.

Is it from Kim's folks?

It must be. It's signed byjonathan. I wonder what it's all about.

If you'll read it, you'll find out.

“Dear Ma and Pa--“ That's us, all right.

“Dear Ma and Pa--“ You said that before.

Do you want me to read it or don't you?

Oh, sure, Ma. Go ahead.

“Affectionately yours, Elizabeth and j onathan.”

Well, I'll declare. What do you think about it, Pa?

Well, I don't rightly know...

because I never heard a word you said.

Elizabeth andjonathan want us to go to Paris with them!

Paris, France? Well, it ain't Paris, Kentucky!

Two of their friends were going with them,

but after buying the tickets, their friends can't go.

Now they want us to go with them. That's wonderful, Ma.

I always wanted to go to Paris, France.

I almost did during the First World War.

What stopped ya? I don't know.

They said I couldn't go until they scraped the bottom of the barrel.

The change will do us both good, Ma. Oh--

Let's do it, huh? I'm afraid I'd worry too much about the kids.

But they say they won't take no for an answer. Them's my sentiments too.

Don't worry. Leave everything to me.

I'll find someone to look after the kids.

We don't get the chance to go to Paris, France every day, you know.

Thanks for the breakfast.

Oh, don't mention it, Ma.

I'll fixyou up a good lunch too.

Be sure you fix me something you can eat!

Our only problem now...

is to find someone to look after the kids while we're gone.

You don't have to look any further, Pa.

I know a young squaw who'll papoose-sit for four dozen eggs a week.

That's kind of steep, ain't it?

Chicken feed's hard to get these days.

If you don't believe me, just go out and try to borrow some.

I'll get you better rate.

Could you lend me a pipe-ful of tobacco?

Sure, Pa.

Oh, Pa, don't forget to bring us some postcards from Paris.

Thought neither of you fellas could read.

Who has to read 'em?

You got a match?

Where you goin' with the wheelbarrow?

We gotta take it back to Lem Tullett.

Then you're going right by my house.

No use going empty-handed. I'll go back with ya.

Huh. Shut up!

You talk too much. Keep it in order, boys.

Keep it orderly.

All right, children! All right!

Now, quiet down! Quiet down!

What was it you wanted? A small bottle of perfume, if it isn't too expensive.

What can Ma bring you, honey?

A big flock of french-fried potatoes.

Now, listen, children.

If you'll all be good while Ma's gone and do what Little Red Fawn tells ya,

I'll bring everyone a present when I come back.

Ma, your taxi just pulled up.

- You got the tickets and passport, Pa? - Right here in my hand, Ma.

Well, get a move-on, you. The taxi's waitin'.

Won't have to borrow tobacco while you're gone. Going-away present.

Well, thanks, Geoduck.

I was beginning to worry how I was gonna say “borrow“ in French.

Little Red Fawn, take good care of my litter.

So long, kids. Bye, Pa!

Come on, Ma.

Ain't you gonna take ahold of these suitcases? Oh, I can't, Ma.

My arm's still sore from that vaccination.

Ain't nothin' wrong with your right one, is there?

I got the passports in that one, Ma.

Geoduck, help Ma with the bags. Sure, Pa.

Pick them up.

Hey, Ma, you forgot something!

Oh.

Come on, children. Come on.

Now, Ma's gonna be missin' you all while she's away.

They'll give you some trouble, but they don't mean any harm.

They'rejust like all other kids, I guess. Full of the dickens.

Iwouldn't take $10 million for'em.

I wouldn't give a nickel for another one.

Him stuck.

You oughta give him a hand.

The handle came off. We'll have to fix that.

Jonathan, here they come! Yeah.

You old son of a gun, you haven't changed a bit!

Hel lo, j onathan. Ma, how are you?

I wish Tom, Kim and the baby could have been here.

Kim and the baby are still visiting Tom in camp.

They send you their love and wish you bon voyage.

That was nice of'em. Did you wish them the same thing from us?

Yes, of course.

How was the trip, Ma? Were you sick? No, but I was afraid to yawn.

In another three-quarters ofan hour, we'll be winging our way over the Atlantic.

We'll have dinner on the plane.

Bus for Idlewild Airport now loading.

Connections for Paris and intermediate cities.

That's us, Ma. Here we go.

You old son of a gun, will we have a good time in Paris.

Paris, France. Yeah.

Fasten your belts, please.

Fasten your seat belts, please.

Fasten your belt, please.

Pardon me, sir. Fasten your belt, please. Don't wear any.

Would it be all right if I take a tuck in my suspenders?

She means this belt here.

That's the best supper I've had since lunch.

What's the matter, Ma? 'Tain't like you to leave any of your vittles.

Can't finish it. My stomach's rollin' around like the waves down there.

You ain't lightin' up that smokestack, are you?

Theyoung lady said it was all right to smoke the minute we was off the ground.

Here's an old lady who says you can't.

If you've got to smoke that smelly thing,

why don't you go back to one of those empty seats? Just as you say, Ma.

But this pipe is sweet as a nut.

Oh, excuse me.

I'll take it, sir. Oh, thank you.

Where you going, Pa? Back here to take a smoke.

Ma's stomach is a bit skittish.

Don't you feel good, Ma? I'll be all right.

Pardon me.

Doyou mind if I sit here? Not at all.

Thanks.

You see, Ma, that's my wife,

she don't feel so good.

She don't want me blowing smoke in her face,

so if you don't mind-- Certainly not.

I was just about to smoke myself.

My name's Kettle, Pa Kettle.

What's yours?

Wade. Adolph Wade. Adolph, eh?

I had a hog by that name once.

But when Adolph showed up one day with a litter of pigs,

I had to change his name to “Alice.“ Very interesting, Mr. Kettle.

Pa is the name.

Mighty fine smelling tobacco.

Yes. Special blend.

You know-- You know, we're going to Paris.

That's fine.

Where are you stopping?

At the Hotel Louis XIV.

You mean the Louis Quatorze.

No, this is Louis XIV Hotel, I'm sure.

Mr. Kettle-- Pa's the name.

Pa, you look like a man who can be trusted.

Been chargin' tobacco at Billy Reed's store for 25 years.

Good. I want to give you something.

That is, if you do not mind doing me a favor.

Always believe in being neighborly.

Then you will bring this letter to me in Room 408...

in the Hotel Louis XIV tomorrow night at 8:00.

Why do you want me to deliver the letter to you when you already got it?

Mr. Kettle-- I mean Pa.

I've been quite ill. I get dizzy spells.

Get 'em myself when I lace my shoelaces too tight.

I was shellshocked in the First World War.

Uh, sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.

Don't feel too bad. Ma says I'm that way all the time.

It's amnesia.

Ma says with me it's dumbness.

Mr. Kettle, should anything happen to me during one of my attacks,

I don't want to lose this or have it found on me.

It is very valuable.

I can trust you, can't I... Pa?

Likel said, Billy Reed's been trustin' me for 25 years...

for tobacco.

By the way, would you like to try some of my private blend?

It's put up especially for me. Oh, thanks.

Sure is about time... Huh?

I had a smoke for myself.

Franklin Kettle.

That's me, but it sure don't sound right.

Maybe I'd better put down “Pa.“ Oh, no, I think that'll be all right.

The clerk will remember it. It'll be all right.

Suite 422 for Madame and Monsieur Parker.

Suite 419, Madame and Monsieur Kettle.

I want to see the cashier.

I want to change some of this American money into French money.

Would you let me have some francs for this, please? Sure, sir.

Magnifique! N 'es t-ce pas?

How did you know my name was Pa?

Pardon? You just called me “Pa.”

No, no, no, monsieur. I said, "Afest-ce pas. ”

I mean your taste, it is good.

What I wouldn't give to be 59 again.

You are an American, no, monsieur?

Well, how'd you guess? A gift. But, monsieur, we waste time.

I have for you a wonderful bargain.

Twelve authentic postcards showing the beauties of Paris.

All for the unheard-of price of one American dollar.

One dollar, eh? Twelve for a dollar?

Not bad.

And these postcards are-- how you say--

sensational!

Hellqjonathan. I was just gonna buy some postals from this young fellow.

I don't think you want those postals, Pa.

There's a much better selection over here at the newsstand.

I'm afraid I'll have to buy them from this party.

After all, I made a bargain.

Why, he's gone.

Why do you suppose he disappeared so fast? I can't imagine.

I think we'd better join the ladies.

What you doin', Ma? Pickin' out postal cards for the children.

Oh, that's fine, Ma. You think of everything.

That reminds me, I mustn't forget to deliver that letter to Mr. Wade.

I hope Pa ain't gettin' mixed up in nothin'. Just bein' neighborly.

We'll have to hurry or we won't have time to dress for dinner.

600 fiance, s7! Vous plaTt.

Well, I haven't any francs yet.

You'll just have to put it on the bill. I'll take care of it.

That's mighty nice of you. Oh, come on. Come on now, Pa.

Monsieur!

Has he got some change coming? No.

Monsieur, what would you say if I tell you how to become...

the most desirable man in all Paris?

I don't think you could do it.

They call this "L fxpectative. ”

Come again?

It means hope.

It means confidence.

I t m ea n s Pexpectatxbn.

Gosh, ifGeoduck and Crowbar could get a whiffofme now.

Better keep your eye on Pa.

Looks like he's got a crush on that pretty salesgirl.

He's old enough to be her father.

Father? Grandfather!

Frank!

How did they know my name was Franklin?

Mon chéri! Mon petit chou!

II est charmant!

Frank!

Bonsoir, monsieur. Bonsoir.

You have Room 408 reserved for Adolph Wade?

Ah, Monsieur Wade. We almost gave you up.

Have a Mr. And Mrs. Kettle checked in yet?

0m; quite some time ago. They're on your floor. Room 419.

Take Monsieur Wade's bags to Room 408.

Bonsoir, monsieur.

Our information was correct.

We will wait till the bellboy leaves,

then we will pay Mr. Wade a visit.

Oh, I do hope Ma and Pa have a good time.

We'll make it our business to see that they do.

Hello, folks. We're all set in our best bib and tucker.

- You look simply lovely! - You'd never think she was the mother of15 kids!

Come right in, folks, and join the festivities!

Ma, I simply can't get over how wonderful you look.

Thanks, Elizabeth. You look kind of highfalutin yourself.

Folks, we are going to start the fireworks with champagne.

Well, ain't you got any buttermilk?

Sit down, Pa.

Take a load off your feet.

Have a canapé, Ma.

I Ma] Thanks, Elizabeth.

Pa?

Hmm. What's this?

It's “cave-iar“! Now, don't go acting like you don't know what it is.

It'; fish Eggs! Fish eggs, eh?

I'll tell you something.

I don't think these eggs are fresh.

Ma.

No, thanks. I'll wait for the buttermilk.

Pa?

Down the hatch, Pa.

How do you like the champagne, Pa?

It sizzles up the nose and tickles all the way down.

Reminds me of the Saturday night keg parties...

Lem Tullett used to throw.

Only we didn't have champagne.

We had hard cider.

But Lem didn't really throw those parties...

'cause you had to pay for whateveryou drunk.

The boys tell me it was real good cider though.

Tuckyour bib in, Pa.

It's 8:00. You'd better deliver that envelope to Mr. Wade.

That' s fight, Ma.

I almost forgot to remember.

It won't take me a minute. It's right down the hall.

Jonathan, you'd better go with him.

I'm all right.

406.

407.

408.

You killed him. You shouldn't have.

I had to do it.

He wasn't bluffing.

The envelope.

He hasn't got it.

I'm afraid he was telling the truth.

The door is unlocked.

We will put him behind the sofa.

[Pa 1 Oh, Mr. Adolph Wade!

I've got your envelope here for you!

Justa minute.

Come in.

He hasn't got that envelope either.

He's got to have it. He said he had it.

Pa would forget his head if it wasn't tied on.

Leaving this in his other suit.

Pa! You in there!

He'd better be in there if he knows what's good for him!

Will you tuck that bib in?

How do you expect to give this envelope to Mr. Wade if you don't take it?

Pa, will you stop playm' possum? He's unconscious!

No more than usual. He's had too much of that bubble water!

What happened?

“What happened?“ You had too much too fast!

No, it wasn't the champagne, Ma.

Somebody must have hit him over the head. Hmm!

Whatjonathan says is right, Ma.

I knew this envelope would get him into trouble.

Who hit ya, Pa?

I don't rightly know. The roof caved in before I could see him.

I beg your pardon. Ls Mr. Wade ill?

Father, this isn't Mr. Wade. No, of course not.

What happened here? That's what we're trying to find out.

Pa came in here to deliver this envelope to Mr. Wade,

and somebody smacked him over the head!

Good heavens. You didn't see who hit you, Pa?

Oh! My head feels like it's full of buzzing bees.

I don't think it could have been Mr. Wade.

My daughter and I saw him leave the lobby quite some time ago.

Hence my curiosity when I heard voices in here.

Someone must have known that he had that letter.

Ma, this is beginning to add up.

Perhaps I can offer a suggestion.

There is no need of subjecting your husband to any more risks, madame.

I'd be more than happy to deliver the letter to Mr. Wade.

I am Cyrus Kraft, a very close friend of his.

And this is my daughter, Inez. Well--

Thanks just the same, Mr. Kraft, but we'll see that he gets it.

Just as you say, madame.

Pa, I guess I'd better cancel the reservations for the show tonight.

What show are you talking about? Well, you know.

The one with the beautiful, uh-- the beautiful-- the beautiful...

pictures you saw in the lobby.

Oh, we oughta go.

Iwouldn't think of spoiling Ma's fun.

What show are you going to see, may I ask?

The one at the Cafe d'Ete. What a coincidence!

We are going there too!

Allow me to take you.

It is only that I want to do something for my friend Wade.

Won't you be my guests? Your guests! That's right neighborly of you.

The more the merrier, I always say.

Kettle's the name, Pa Kettle. Then we are agreed.

We will change now and-- Father, hadn't we better report this unfortunate incident?

Of course, my dear.

Please don't worry about anything.

We'll take care of it. Come on, Pa!

Meet you later at the café. Good-bye.

Well, uh... see you later.

Get] acques!

G;

£3

Steward, there must be some mistake. We didn't order wine.

Avec les compliments de Monsieur Kraft.

Mighty fine fellow, that “Mon-sewer“ Kraft.

Now, watch your bib, Pa. Don't worry, Ma. I got it snubbed.

G,"

£3

Mesdemoiselles, messieurs...

Ie cancan!

£3

,'Une chanson I es mots 50m' dans man coeur,'

♪ Un petit air léger monsieur;

,'Un air de va/se ft me voi/J lancée,'

♪ Tout pour vous plaire monsieur;

jfgi méme appris a dzre “non, non" ♪

g,' Look it! Those are the same girls we saw...

in the hotel lobby, in the posters.

You got a pretty good memory, haven't you, Pa? Nothing to it, Ma.

Easy to recognize 'em by their... faces.

Jvenez donc plus prés monsieur;

♪ Si vous vouiez mes iévres Si vous vouiez mes charmes Si vous vouiez mon coeur;

,'Venez don: plus prés monsieur, monsieur,'

; Oh, dites moi donc que vous me voulez g;

Hope we didn't keep you waiting.

No, no, not at all. And thank you for the wine.

Yeah, that was right friendly, Mr. Kraft.

Oh, not at all. My privilege.

I hope the show comes up to your expectations.

Never was anything like this at Lem Tullett's Saturday night keg parties.

£3

That's the kind of par/ez- vous I can understand!

Uh, Mr. Kraft, were you able to contact Mr. Wade?

No, but I left word that he couldjoin us here.

By the way, did you bring the envelope with you?

Oh, I sure did. It's right here.

I ain't like Pa. I'm glad you're not, Ma.

£3

£3

Oh, jonathan! This is like a dream!

You haven't seen anything yet! You enjoying yourself, dear?

Mm-hmm. Good. Good.

Mrs. Kettle, mayl have this dance, please? Oh, my goodness!

I haven't done much outside of square dancin' since I was a girl.

Don't pay her no mind, Mr. Kraft.

In her day, she was a mighty fancy stepper.

Won a cup once for doin' the hoedown.

Ever had a whirl at that, Mr. Kraft? Not that I recall.

Go on, Ma. Loosen up and make whoop-de-do!

Please do, Mrs. Kettle. Now, you stay here and watch your P's and (Is.

I'd rather watch my par/ez-vous.

£3

What's the matter?

Forgive me. I am so carried away.

The music and you in my arms.

£3

Ma seems to be having a good time. She sure is.

She's a cutup when it comes to zingin'.

♪♪ What are you tryin' to do?

I feel like a Mexicanjumping bean.

This is the rhumba.

Did you lose something?

I thoughtl heard something drop.

Feel like I've dropped everything but my upper plate.

£3

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Kettle. We must do it again sometime.

Yes, if I can get everything back in place again.

You 're quite a Eng/stepper, Ma.

Ma kind of gave you a workout, didn't she, Mr. Kraft?

Do you see anything on the menu that appeals to you?

Don't know. Looks the same this way as it does the other.

Can't seem to figure this out, Ma.

Of course you can't. It's in French.

Suppose we leave it to the maTtre d'?

It would save a lot of trouble.

We'll leave it entirely to your good taste. Mara; monsieur.

Oh, uh, MT. “ Meter-Gee“ 7. Yes, monsieur?

How does that taste?

I'm afraid that would be tough, monsieun.

It would? Our? That is the manager.

Stop showin' off, Pa, and let the man get our supper. Mara; madame. Merci.

Mercy m you mo, Mr. Meter-deer.

G,"

£3

£3

£3

That ain't no way to treat a lady! It's just an act, Ma.

It's all rehearsed. They're probably man and wife.

£3

Even if they are married, that don't mean he can beat her up.

Where I come, they don't treat women that way!

£3

Ma, you shouldn't have done that. Why not?

Here comes the manager.

Madame was a great exhibition!

The lady was simply carried away by your talented artists.

It won't happen again, I assure you. Please do not apologize.

I am delighted! My guests are delighted and we are delighted!

Frangois! Our?

Tell the wine steward to serve my friends the finest champagne in the house...

and bring their dinner check to me.

Bien. Mille fois merci, madame!

Mara; messieurs/ Mara; merc/I

Seems to me it was the fellow Ma tossed into the kitchen...

that should've asked for mercy.

11:00 a.m. and I ain't dressed yet.

Back in Cape Flattery, we'd have halfa day's work done by now.

- Who would? - You would.

Well, that's better. Now, get up and get dressed.

Better take a bath first Too many baths are weakening, Ma.

Hmm!

Who's there?

It K/ona than. Well, come in.

Ma, Pa, have you seen the morning paper?

Here, look. Look at this, Pa.

Why, it's Mr. Wade.

Let me see it, Pa. “Man's body found in River Seine.

Believed murdered. Identified as Adolph Wade.“

Too bad. He was a nice man.

I can't give him the envelope now.

- You think that envelope had anything to do with this? - It's quite possible.

It's also possible that Cyrus Kraft and his so-called daughter are mixed up in it.

Jonathan thinks that Pa should get rid of the envelope. Get your clothes on, folks.

I have a friend at the American Consulate,

and we'll take the envelope to him.

Seems like the right thing to do, Pa. It's the only thing to do.

We'll meet you down in the lobby.

Too bad.

Lfthe Kettles see this, we are in trouble. You shouldn't have killed him.

I had no choice. He was armed.

If you had done a betterjob in disposing of the body, this wouldn't have happened.

There was no time. It was almost daylight.

We must get that envelope before they turn it over to the police.

Quiet! Quiet!

You say Mr. And Mrs. Kettle do not answer? Oh, they left the hotel?

Do you know when they'll be back? I see.

No, no, it's all right. Thank you.

They left 1 O minutes ago with the Parkers. There's no telling where they went.

It's your business to find out where.

Check with the cab drivers. Talk to the hotel doorman.

We will wait for your call there.

I'm afraid this means nothing to me whatsoever.

That's why I've asked Commander Fordyce, our naval attaché, to look at it.

Well! It's part of a missing file. The important part.

Are you sure? No question about it.

The file disappeared from Washington 1 O clays ago.

Wefi/e all been alerted Then, then you mean it's kind of important?

It certainly is. I only wish I could tell you how important, Mr. Kettle.

Pa's the name. Excuse me. Pa.

I can tell you they're plans vital to your country's defense.

You've earned the nation's gratitude for turning these papers over to us...

and keeping them out of unfriendly hands. I hung on to 'em all the time...

except for the time Ma had 'em for a spell.

And she ain't exactly unfriendly except after a big day's wash.

Kinda touchy then. Pa, you old son of a gun. Let me shake hands with a hero.

Oh, it was nothing, Jonathan. 0h, Pa?

Yes, sir. Hmm? Oh.

Congratulations. Don't mention it.

Pa, you've been under considerable danger, perhaps without knowing it.

Would you be willing to go on a few days more now that you know the risk?

Why, of course. It's my duty, ain't it? Good.

I want you to help us track down the men behind the theft of this top secret.

I'm your man, Mr. Fordyce.

Like Patrick Henry once said, “I have but one life...

to give for my country.“

Nathan Hale said that.

Hale, you say? You're a smart one, Ma.

Pa, I want you to carry this envelope...

with dummy plans and let these people see you with it.

Especially the man Kraft and the girl Inez you told us about.

When these spies know you're still carrying the plans,

they'll make desperate attempts to get them. I'll foil 'em.

No, no, don't do that. Let them take the plans.

That'll give us the evidence we need to close in and clean up this ring.

Okay, Mr. Fordyce. I'm itching to go to work.

Seems to me you're making a guinea pig out of Pa. A defenseless one.

Not exactly, Mr. Parker. We'll have two of our best men following Pa clay and night.

Mr. Fordyce, you can get the bait ready.

Pa, we're proud of you.

That's right. Youjust said something that'll go down in history.

Oh, you mean, “You can get the bait ready“?

No. “I'm itching to go to work.“

Here you are. Now, remember, Pa,

you'll be under constant surveillance.

And should you feel yourself actually in danger, call on the men for aid.

However, we'll have more success if the men following you remain entirely in the background.

Good-bye. Good-bye, Mrs. Parker, Mr. Parker.

Good luck, Pa.

When Farrell and Harriman return, tell them I want to see them.

They just came in. All right, send them in.

You sent for us, Commander?

Yes. Come over here.

Take a good look at that partyjust leaving.

You see them clearly? Yes, sir.

Especially the man in the derby?

That'll be a cinch. There can't be another man in Paris who looks like him.

He's carrying papers we hope will smoke out a nest of important spies.

Don't let them out of your sight. Yes, sir.

Look, Ma. Oh, that'd look lovely on you.

What do you think, Pa? Little drafty, ain't it?

I don't think they'd have it in my size.

Let's go in and ask. Now, you two better not wait for us.

After we're through here, Ma and I are going to have our hair done.

Now don't worry about us. We gotta go out and smoke out some spies, eh, jonathan?

Now you be careful.

Bye, bye. Pa, how'd you like to go and see Notre Dame?

Hmm, a little too hot for football, ain't it? Pa, that's a hot one.

That's what I said. It's more like baseball weather.

Yeah, yeah.

Hmm, you know.

It's dinnertime back home.

Well, I could stand something to eat. Come on. Let's sit down.

Bonjour, monsieur. Voilà.

Now don't go ordering the manager again, Pa.

You'd better order, Jonathan. All right. All right.

Mmm! Bring us two orders of the specialty of the house.

Trés bien, monsieur.

Yes, Jacques. At the Café La Cigogne?

Good. Don't leave 'em. We'll be there.

We must find out if they know about Wade.

If they do, we must get the plans before they turn them over to the police.

What if we fail? Then you will have to get them...

to go to Henri's perfume shop.

They're here. Who's here?

Shh. Those two G-men. They're sitting right over there at the end table.

Well, that's pretty clever.

They really look the part. You're right, Pa.

Atypical G-man would stand out like a sore thumb.

Yep, they're G-men all right.

Don't look now, but there's two of'em right behind you. Two what?

Shh. Two of the spy gang Mr. Fordyce was talking about.

They think they're smart, wearing American clothes, but they ain't fooling me.

Well, you have nothing to worry about. Fordyce's men are here.

Ahh.

You know, these things look awfully familiar.

Escargot bourgignone. Wait'll you taste 'em, Pa.

Mmm!

They taste something like the steamed clams Ossie Doolin used to serve in his dredgin' scow.

Nice nutty flavor, haven't they?

Mm-hmm. What do you call these things? Escargot.

At home, we call them snails.

I've had plenty, I think.

Well, Mr. Kettle, how nice to see you.

Won't you join us? Oh, do sit down.

Where are the ladies? Shopping at Pierre Leroux's down the street.

If you will excuse me, I think I'll join them.

I must tell them of a wonderful perfume shop.

Father, why don't you stay here?

We'll meet later. A pleasant suggestion, my dear.

Bye, gentlemen.

Did you read this morning's paper?

Well, uh-- As a matter of fact, no, we haven't.

Look at that. My, my. Poor Mr. Wade.

One of my best friends. A great shock.

Have you any ideas to the motive?

Maybe it had something to do with the letter Mr. Kettle's been carrying.

Do you mean this letter? What do you think Mr. Kettle should do with it?

Well, Mr. Wade had a wife back in the States whom I knew very well.

I'd be only too glad to mail it to her, if you so desire.

How stupid of me! I just remember I have an important meeting to attend.

So, if you'll kindly excuse me-- Don't you want the letter?

You can give it to me later at the hotel.

See? We were right. It is part of his spy gang.

One of them is following him.

Look, the two G-men are following Mr. Kraft.

We'd better stay here and watch him.

Oh.

Here they are!

Well.

Why, Ma, you look simply ravishing! She's pretty too.

Some difference to her looks than when she's back home feedin' the chickens.

Thanks for the flowers, Jonathan. They're beautiful!

I love mine too. They are the, um-- the piéce de résistance.

Well, that's funny. The man who brought 'em said they was orchids.

Well, I guess we're all set then, huh?

Just a minute, mister.

Say, I've been thinking about those French postcards.

If you still got 'em, why, I'd kind of like to, uh--

I make the deal, monsieur, but you will not open the envelope...

until you get back to America. Yeah. Here.

Here you are.

Say, Pa, did you remember to--

Where in tarnation did he go?

What's he doing over there? Hey, Pa!

Coming, Ma.

Am I gonna have to put a halter on you? No, Ma.

Just doing a little errand. Come on.

I'll keep an eye on him, Ma.

Ah, good evening. You are just in time to take over our cab.

Thank you, thank you. I suppose you're all kinda broken up about poor Mr. Wade.

Oh, we both feel too dreadful for words. Oh, Mr. Kraft?

Yes, Mr. Kettle? Do you want that letter now?

Mm-hmm.

Father, wouldn't it be safer for Mr. Kettle to keep the letter?

I think you are right, daughter.

But I thought you wanted it? Mr. Kettle, you are returning to America.

You can personally deliver the letter...

and extend our condolences to Mrs. Wade.

Where does she live? I'll get her address.

Now we must not detain you any longer. Good night. Good night.

If he's a spy, he's a lulu.

Café Robespierre.

Ur? Taxi.

Aprés ce taxi.

01) son t-i/s al/és? Qui? C es deux hommes?

Non, non, imbécile! Les deux dames et les deux messieurs!

Ah! Café Robespierre. Chez Robespierre?

Oux; monsieur: A ppe/ez an taxi.

G;

£3

Mighty fancy hash-house, I'd call this. Mighty good eatin' too.

And those fiddle players sure know how to scrape that horsehair.

Sure is pretty, ain't it, Ma?

Gives you kind of a flutterin' feelin'.

Sounds like the tune I played for you on the Gramophone...

the night I proposed to you.

“Till the Sands of the Desert Grow Cold,“ wasn't it?

No. “Roamin' in the Gloaminl“

Ma, if anything should happen to me while I'm being a G-man,

I just want you to know that I thinkyou're the most wonderful girl in the world.

Oh, nothin' ain't gonna happen to ya, Pa.

Can't tell. I'm on a pretty dangerous mission, you know.

Now don't go puddlin' up, Ma.

Oh, now, go on with you.

Oh, uh, look. Look.

£3

ls there any request you might like to have us play?

Anything special you'd like to hear, Pa? Something in keeping with the occasion?

Well, how about, uh, “Hail the Conquering Hero“?

I'm sorry, monsieur. We do not know that number. -

Oh, here comes our crepe suzettes.

Watch the maTtre d' make these, folks.

What do we do, eat it or drink it?

You'll see.

Look, Ma.

There are the two spies who followed me in the restaurant this morning.

- But I ain't scared. - Well, of course not.

And those G-men are right behind you.

Those spies can't put anything over...

on Uncle Sam, or me.

Never thought you had it in you, Pa.

Hey! Watch out!

Women and children first!

Oh, monsieur, monsieur, stop! Control yourself! Control yourself!

They're cooked in flames on purpose!

- On purpose? - Certainly, Pa. I'll pay for everything. I'm terriblysorzy.

Trés b/en, monsieur. A fine show you gave us, Pa!

£3

What's the matter, Pa?

Ma, I think I'm getting one of my hot spells again.

Cricketies!

Pa, it's time to get up.

Come and get it!

Where's the grub, Ma?

When you snap yourself out of it, it's downstairs. Oh.

You all dressed already, Ma?

Where ya gain'? Elizabeth and I are going with that hussy to buy some perfume.

I thought you didn't trust her. I don't,

but what's trusting her got to do with it as long as she can get it for me wholesale?

Better be careful, Ma.

Well, I guess I'd better get some duds on.

You're taking a bath. The maid's filled the tub for ya.

But I gotta keep all the strength I've got...

for this dangerous mission I'm on.

Mission or no mission, you're gonna take a bath!

Well, all right.

But if I get a fainting spell, it'll be all your fault.

Ah. Good morning, Elizabeth. Ma!

Hello, Miss Kraft. I'm all set. But, Mr. Kettle? Pa?

Land sakes, Pa can't go no place the way he is.

Well, we can wait for him. Miss Kraft, you don't know Pa!

He likes to borrow, but he don't like to shop!

Oh, but I'm so disappointed. Well, if we're gonna go,

let's get goin'. Uh, well, maybe we could phone him later.

Here we are, ladies. We may need you to carry things. 0m; madame/sells.

- Hello, Henri. - Mademoiselle Kraft! What a delightful surprise.

I brought my friends because of the liberal discount you gave me last year.

Will you make the same arrangement now?

Certainement, mademoiselle.

I have a more exclusive selection in the other room, ladies.

This way, please.

Hmm, that's funny.

I thought that door was made out oflookin' glass.

It is, from the other side.

From this room we can see what's going on in the other room,

but they cannot see us. Why do you need such precaution?

Why didn't you bring Mr. Kettle along? Mrs. Kettle is going...

to phone him to join us here.

Will somebody tell me what these shenanigans are all about around here?

The idea is this, Mrs. Kettle.

We are going to hold both of you as hostages...

until we get that letter Mr. Wade gave to your husband.

Well, Pa's got it, I ain't! Sol gathered.

I'll get him on the phone for you. You are going to tell him to bring that letter here.

Hotel Louis Quatorze please. You will make it urgent, won't you, Mrs. Kettle?

Hmm. I should have known better than to trust a woman with black hair and blonde roots!

Mr. Kettle, please. Mrs. Kettle?

Hello! Pa?

Yeah. Yeah, this is Pa.

Where you at, Ma?

I see.

415 Rue de Rivoli.

Mm-hmm. Huh? The letter?

For heaven's sake, Ma, what do you want the letter for? You know there's nothing in it.

Now, Pa, don't argue! You gotta bring that letter here!

Tell him to come alone.

And Pa, you come alone.

I don't care if you have got a date withjonathan! Bust it!

What's that? Listen! The Eiffel Tower'll still be there!

Jonathan, that-- that was Ma, but she don't make sense. What do you mean. Pa?

Well, she told me to bring the letter to 415 Rue de Rivoli.

Said I was to bust a date I had with you to see the Eiffel Tower.

Well, we-- we had no date.

I get it! It was Ma's way of making sure you'd tip me off!

She couldn't talk, she was being intimidated!

Butjonathan, I've already seen the Eiffel Tower.

Pa! It means that Ma and Elizabeth are in trouble!

Trouble? Well, what are we standing here for?

The G-men.

Come on, fellows. Follow us.

We're in trouble too. Those spies are still following us.

415 Rue de Rivoli! Quatre cent quinze Rue de Riva/I.

Follow that cab! Vite!

Sui vez ce taxi!

01) son t-i/s al/és? Qui? C es deux mess/burs?

No! I e type aver le chapeau melon.

Ah! Quatre cent quinze Rue de Rivoli.

A ppe/ez an taxi Vite!

Jonathan, those crooks are still following us.

Yes, and those G-men are nowhere in sight!

- Faster, driver, faster! - Eh, monsieur?

Uh, Vite! Lfite! Uh, our; monsieur: Our'.

Stop that noise! You make me nervous!

There's nothing to be nervous about, ladies. I assure you.

Unless Mr. Kettle fails you. Hmm!

I thinkwe lost 'em, Jonathan. Good. Good!

There! There's a police station! Stop!

Now, Pa, get all the policemen you can and hurry!

Meek me at M '5 Rue de Hue“!

All right. Al/e; al/ez Vite. Vite!

Ma's in trouble, boys! I mean, my wife!

Follow me!

Spies! Spies!

Come on! Hurry, will you?

It's life or death! Spies!

They take pictures of the fort!

Click-click! Click-click! Click-click!

Ah, oui! Click-click. Click-click.

Ah, you understand! Let's go ahead, boys!

Spies! They-- They blow up bridges!

Don't ya understand?

Look.

Bomb. Bomb.

Boom!

Oh! Zut alors! L'Américain, I! Est un idiot! Arrétez-le!

Keep going! Don't stop!

Go! Passed Vamoose! Oh!

Now, don't go puddlin' up, Elizabeth!

Foryour sake, Mrs. Kettle, I hope your husband will be here soon.

He'll be here! Keep your shirt on!

You can't hurry Pa.

Ow! Ow!

He's taking too much time. Maybe--

Maybe he's not coming at all! Oh, Henri, keep quiet.

Suppose he became suspicious and went to the prefect of police?

Be of no concern, friends.

If we see any indication of trouble through that glass,

our guests, afterjacques has clone his work, will simply vanish.

Mr. Kettle, at last!

Pa. Pa! Pa! We're in here in the back room!

Stop him! Pa!

Save yourself, Mrs. Kettle. He can neither hear you nor see you.

Just a minute! Where's Ma?

Atta boy, Pa!

Where is she? Where's Ma?

Boys, it was the only way I could get ya to follow me.

My wife's in here, and she's in trouble!

Jacques, throw 'em in!

Ma! Ma!

Pa! Pa! This man will tell ya I'm speaking the truth!

Arrest those men! They're spies! What are you talking about?

- Do spies carry credentials like these? - Gee whiz!

Real G-men. Heavens to Betsy!

Nous travaillons avec la préfecture de police. Trés bien.

We gotta save Ma! Ma!

Ma, how we gonna open that door?

Huh! That's easy!

Pa, come on in! It's all 0 verl

Jonathan! Elizabeth!

Oh, Elizabeth.

Oh. Are you all right?

Oh, Pa! Bless your heart!

Am I glad to see you!

I'm glad I got here in time to save ya, Ma.

Mr. Kettle, you've done a wonderful service to your country.

Congratulations. Oh, that's all right.

Any red-blooded American would have done the same thing.

You know, it's funny, but...

all along we thought you two fellows were the spies.

Th-That's right.

We thought these two were the G-men. Posing as G-men, eh?

G-men? Certainly not.

Then why were you following us?

Pardon, madame. Lam André and this is Chef Chantilly.

And, madame...

this is the greatest French dressing in the world.

French dressing? We thought we would like you to manufacture it in America...

and we would go, what you say, 50-50.

Promoters! Get 'em out of here!

Allez, allez, filez! Dépéchez-vous!

You and your Marshal Plan. Bah!

You, uh, bring 'em?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.

You talkum too much!

You look mighty pretty, Ma...

and mighty Frenchy too.

It'll be nice acting like those Paris-ites.

♪♪ What'd you do that for, Ma?

From now on, that's the way we're gonna call the ki--

children to dinner.

JM Descending Tones]

I'm gonna have culture in this house if I have to beat it into 'em!

Come and get it!

Hmm.

You know, Pa, to coin a new saying,

“There's no place like home.“ Home.

And it takes a heap of coin to keep a home too, Ma!