Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ Wash your face and brush your hair ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag, it's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

♪ So down with school! I'm gonna rule! ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life will be so sweet! ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK! ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

Hey! How are you doing? Look at this.

"How To Be Gross Every Single Day Of Your Life!"

-That's my kind of "How To Be". -[doorbell rings]

That'll be Great Aunt Greta and her House Hotpot.

If you've never had House Hotpot, then you've no idea what you're missing.

[Mum] Henry! Peter!

No! Really?

Coming!

Plus Great Aunt Greta still thinks I'm a girl.

Oops!

Henry!

Henry!

Don't be horrid, Henry.

Hello, Great Aunt Greta.

Henry, say hello to Great Aunt Greta.

Hello, Great Aunt Greta.

Hello, Henrietta.

Now, where did I put my mobile phone?

-It's under your scarf. -Oh, yes. Silly me.

-Honestly, I'd forget my own head-- -If it wasn't on your shoulders.

Don't be horrid, Henry. Now then...

I know, dear. Lunch then tea.

No TV in between.

Well, yes, that's more or less it.

Off you go, dear.

You enjoy your day at work and don't you worry about us.

Oh, thank you.

Let's see what that big sister of yours is up to, shall we?

[giggles] Yes, let's.

Nooooooooo!

[burps] Oh!

Pardon me for being so rude.

It was not me, it was my food.

Yeah.

Well, there's plenty left for tea.

Now then...

I've got a very exciting afternoon lined up.

I've brought all my back issues of I'm A Lady.

Peter, why don't you come with me?

And, Henrietta, you can do the washing-up, there's a good girl.

Well, that figures.

Have fun doing the washing-up, Henrietta.

I can't believe she still thinks I'm a girl.

[Fluffy purrs and miaows]

-Wish you could do the washing-up for me. -Miaow!

Maybe you can!

[chuckles] Cool!

That worked!

[tummy rumbles]

I'm still hungry and there's House Hotpot still for tea!

Miaow!

-[bell rings, lightning crashes] -Eureka!

That's it!

There you go, Fluffy, Christmas and birthday all rolled into one.

Help yourself.

[burps]

Fluffy!

Oh, no! Naughty Fluffy!

What have you done?

Huh?

Fluffy's eaten all the House Hotpot.

Oh, Fluffy Wuffy!

What have you done?

There's only one place for naughty cats and that's on the naughty step!

Sorry, Fluffy.

Miaow! [growls]

There's a little bit left.

-Maybe not. -Phew!

We could always have a takeaway, Great Aunt Greta.

Oh, Henrietta, that is a good idea.

Yes!

But we'll have to ask your mother when she gets home.

Oh, right.

And she'll want to know if you've been good.

Of course she will, Great Aunt Greta.

And we're going to be extra good this afternoon, aren't we, Henry?

I guess.

Can you believe it? I'm sitting here reading I'm A Lady magazine.

Who wants to know about 50 Ways To Create A Cushion Cover?

Or 99 Things To Do Before You're 99?

Ooh, look at this, Great Aunt Greta.

How To Create Your Own Finger Knitting Project in 27 Easy Steps.

Oh! I love a good finger knitting project!

See what I mean?

Look what I have found.

What's that, Great Aunt Greta?

-How To Be A Good-- -Will you read it to me, Great Aunt Greta?

Of course I will, Peter. It's called How To Be A Good--

How To Be A Good what? Elephant?

[elephant trumpets]

Spider?

-Eek! -Ooh!

Kangaroo?

-Eek! -Oh!

[Aunt Greta] So there you go.

Everything you need to make sure that you get your takeaway tonight.

Oh, thank you, Great Aunt Greta.

I'm going to the little... Er, I mean, big boys' room.

Hey, what about me?

What do you mean, what about you?

I need to know how to be good too.

Uh-uh, Henry, that's for me to know and you to find out.

What's that supposed to mean?

[Peter] Henry.

Leave the magazine alone!

[phone camera clicks]

Let's see. "When mother gets home, have a delicious meal ready."

OK, well, we're having takeaway, so that's sorted.

"Clear away any clutter."

Won't take long to clear my clutter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

"Take a few minutes to freshen up."

Yeah, right! "Be happy to see her."

[yawns] I reckon there's time for a little nap before Mum gets home

and I have to start being good.

[mobile phone vibrates]

Whaa! What time is it?

Nearly five! Mum'll be home soon.

[phone rings downstairs]

That was your mother. She'll be home in five minutes.

Five minutes!

She said she couldn't find her mobile phone.

-Oh? -I'm sure it's somewhere.

Five minutes to learn to be good!

We can do it!

-[posh woman] How To Be A Good... -Yes, we can do this!

Number one - plan to have a delicious meal ready.

Takeaway menu.

Number two - run a duster over everything one last time.

Henry!

Number three - take a few moments to freshen up.

Just going to freshen up, Great Aunt Greta.

Try putting a ribbon in your hair.

-Really? -[Fluffy purrs]

Oh, er, thank you, Fluffy.

[doorbell rings]

-Number four... -[doorbell rings]

Be happy to see her.

Oh, thank you, Henry. What a day I've had.

Number five - ask her if she's had a good day.

Good day, Mum?

Speak in a low and pleasant voice.

[coughs] Good day, Mum.

Henry, are you feeling alright?

Number six.

Settle her down in the comfy chair.

Arrange her cushions and take off her shoes.

[tummy rumbles]

Number seven - listen to what she has to say.

Mum...

Because whatever she has to say is more important than whatever you have to say.

Henry, what's going on?

Nothing, Mum, just wondering how your day has gone.

Oh, well, it's been a bit up and down.

You see, when I got into work,

Mr Mossy decided that he wanted to stack all the books from A to Z.

[tummy rumbles]

So then once we'd sorted all the books out backwards

as well as frontwards,

Mr Mossy decided that as we were looking at the blue ones we might as well...

Number eight - remember, a good girl always knows her place.

Oh! Wait!

Did you say "a good girl"?

Yes, I believe I did.

"How To Be A Good Girl In Eight Easy Steps".

"How To Be A Good Girl In Eight Easy Steps"?

Oh, yes, that was one of my most favourite articles when I was a little girl.

But I'm not a girl! I'm a boy!

-Yes, dear. -Did you hear what I said?

I'm a boy, not a girl!

Yes, lovely curls, Henrietta.

-[tummy rumbles] -And then...

would you believe it, Mrs Mossy arrived and said...

And is there House Hotpot still for tea?

Yes, there is!

Nooooooooo!

Can you believe it?

This morning, I asked Mum if I could pick up some new slime from the shops

and she said yes!

Something to do with the worm wanting to go to a book signing.

[laughs] As soon as we get there, I'm off!

Can you believe it!

The day after Henry gives me all his Big Blue Bat books -

cos sometimes he can be nicer than he looks -

I find out there's a book signing going on.

And I asked Mum if we could go and she said yes!

Can you believe it?

I'm spending my Saturday here when I could be sitting at home with my feet up

and a nice cup of tea while everyone else runs around doing the chores for once.

Oh!

[Mum] Oh, no!

Just look at that queue.

Right, I'm off!

-Not so fast, Henry. -Why?

Someone's got to stay with Peter.

No! Oh, no! Not me!

Why me? Why can't you do it?

Don't be horrid, Henry.

One of my favourites is Big Blue Bat...

You may ask yourself, "How did I get here?

Why am I the one that has to queue with the worm?"

Don't call me worm, Henry!

And I would answer, "I've no idea!"

Oh! We've been here for two hours already.

Three hours!

Four hours!

I'm with you, Henry!

We're finally here!

Finally!

Wait!

Oh, no!

You, out!

Nooooooooo!

Noooooooo!

We've just got to queue for another four hours and we'll be at the front again.

And then, we'll just get sent back to the back of the queue again.

Oh, look, I'll think of something.

Well, you'd better think of something quickly.

Mum will be back soon and then you'll be in big trouble.

[sobs] Oh, woe!

It'd be a lot easier to think if you could just stop crying, worm!

[sobs] Oh, woe!

And don't call me worm!

Oh!

-[bell rings, lightning crashes] -Eureka!

That's it!

-[sobs] Oh, woe! -There, there, little brother.

It's not your fault.

-Don't stop crying. -Oh?

Er...right.

[sobs] Oh!

Excuse me! Yes, he's got cryingitis. Yes, yes, it's catching.

Er, excuse me, coming through.

[sobs]

Oh, and I got one of these and one of those.

And I couldn't resist another one of these.

Six hours!

Six hours we had to wait to see her.

-To see who? -Her! The one that wrote Big Blue Bat.

Oh, her.

It wasn't that long, Henry. I was only gone for half an hour.

And then we had to wait another three hours while the worm...

er, I mean, him over there,

had to tell her about how much he loves her work.

She seemed to be very interested in what you were saying, Peter.

That's because I was telling her about my horrid big brother.

[Dad laughs] Don't tell me she was interested in Henry.

-She can't have been. -Why not?

I'm quite interesting sometimes, you know.

Ooh, yes.

I told her all about the time you dressed up as the Dark Avenger

and scared everyone into giving you their sweets.

[chuckles]

You did what, Henry?

And the time you pretended there was a shark in the swimming pool.

[laughs]

What? There could have been.

-And then there was the time you... -Oh, just stories! All just stories.

Oh, and the time I tricked Margaret into thinking

-that Henry was in love with her. -What?!

Oh, like Henry said, just stories. Gotta go!

What did you go and do that for, worm?

They're good stories.

Yeah, I guess they are.

Who knows, maybe one day someone will write a book about them.

Yeah, then I'd rich and famous.

Well, you'd be famous for sure.

Not sure about rich though.

Why not? It's my life.

Yes, but it's the person writing the books who gets all the money.

Well, that's not fair.

Life's not fair, Henry. Isn't that what you always say?

Yeah, I suppose.

Anyway, I'm not sure I'd want Mum and Dad knowing about all my stories.

-True. -Still wouldn't mind being famous.

Be careful what you wish for, Henry.

Huh! It's not like it's ever going to happen, is it?

Well, Henry can't say I didn't warn him.

Because now it's several months later and this is happening.

[excited chatter]

Come on, come on, you lot!

Don't you have somewhere else you're supposed to be?

"The Adventures Of Dreadful Deidre.

A book like no other featuring a character like no other."

Now, who does that look like?

Ah, well, I'm sure it will come to me.

It's Henry!

It's the horrid boy, as I live and breathe!

Only...

it's a girl!

Come back here, you horrid boy!

You know, I don't mind getting detention when I know why I'm getting detention.

But when I don't know why I'm getting detention, well, that's really not fair.

Ahem!

-You can go now. -Oh, thank you.

Erm, can I ask you a question, sir?

Well, the answer to that question depends on what your question is.

Yeah, right.

I just wondered why I got detention today?

Well, I should have thought that was obvious.

Erm, no, it's not.

Well, you're not Deidre.

So that's why I got detention, because I'm not Deidre?

Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.

-Thank you, sir. -You're welcome.

This place gets more confusing by the day.

How does it feel to be famous, Henry?

-I've got no idea what you're on about. -Read this.

"The Adventures Of Dreadful Deidre".

Not my kind of book, but thanks.

I think you'll find it is, Henry.

"Dreadful Deidre does it again.

Whether she's tricking the tooth fairy or winning the egg and spoon race,

you'll agree she's utterly brilliant and totally wicked."

Hey! Those are my stories!

"By the best-selling author of the Big Blue Bat."

Yep, there's even a rat.

"Deidre's sidekick, Fangle, an unstoppable force of nature." Ha!

Does look much like an unstoppable force of nature to me.

It's a rat, Henry.

You're right. She's made Fang into a rat!

[chuckles] Can't blame her for that.

[Ralph] It's you, Henry.

It's just like you, Henry, but dreadful, not horrid.

I know. She's stolen my stories.

She's stolen your life, Henry.

My dad says you should sue.

Yeah, right! That's gonna work.

Let's find out, shall we?

[dials number]

I represent Ms Mnois, silent M,

and she would like you to know that she doesn't like you very much.

She doesn't like you very much at all.

Well, maybe we don't like her very much either.

And she should care because?

She should care because...

Why should she care, Brian?

Because none of us are going to buy her books.

Because none of us are going to buy her books.

Look, you're not the first person to complain

that she's stolen your life story and she has got lots of money.

So, how about I send you a contract to say that you don't mind.

You sign that contract and then we send you lots of money to say thank you?

Well, thank you, that seems--

He's not signing and that's that!

What did you do that for?

Money can't buy you love.

-[beeping] -Gotcha!

Gotcha what, Brian?

Anyone fancy going to a book signing?

[indistinct chatter]

Snotbags at the ready, Henry.

Why are you doing this with me, Margaret?

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

-The name's Henry. -Horrid Henry!

Nooooooo!

I don't think we'll be hearing from Dreadful Deidre for a while.

Too right. Horrid Henry rules OK!

Sometimes Henry...

Sometimes what?

Sometimes we make a good team, Henry.

Yeah, sometimes we do.

-Bogey brain. -Get lost, turnip toes.

-Beetlebonce. -La-la lungs!