Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ Wash your face and brush your hair ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag, it's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

♪ So down with school! I'm gonna rule! ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life will be so sweet! ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK! ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

So when you divide that by this,

you can add this to that,

and the net result is zero.

Any questions?

Is the net result always zero?

What do you mean, Brian?

I mean, when you divide that by this and add this to that,

is the net result always zero?

What kind of a question is that, Brian?

Well, in my "Grown-Up Book of Math Sums"

it says that sometimes the net result can be zero, zero.

What do you think, Miss Battle-Axe?

Well...

Noooooooo!

Honestly, Henry, maths never hurt anyone.

Oh! You should have seen it, Brian, it was pretty scary.

It was pretty funny, more like, Henry.

Never seen you faint before.

It was even funnier when old bogey brain offered to give you the kiss of life.

Yuck! Really?!

Yeah, really.

Ooh, goody!

I love grapes!

I hate grapes.

Don't be horrid, Henry.

But I know someone else who loves grapes.

Look, a flying saucer full of Number Gnomes!

-Really? -Really?

Yes, out there, just over old bogey brain's house.

Oh, don't be horrid, Henry.

Well, got to go.

-Oh! The grapes have all gone. -Henry!

Maybe the aliens ate them!

-[Peter] Waaaaah! -[Mum angrily] Henry!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Three, two, one...

Give me back my grapes!

-I haven't got them. -I know you took them, Henry.

But I don't know why.

It's a mystery, Peter, a mystery of the universe.

Oooh, Henry!

-Sometimes... -Sometimes what?

-Just sometimes, Henry. -[Fang munches and burps]

The great big grape mystery, eh, Fang? Hope you enjoy them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[Henry laughs] You've eaten them already!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Hello, boys.

Hello, Peter's mother.

We're going to look through my new telescope.

Have fun playing with Peter's new telescope.

Oh, we're not playing, Peter's mother.

We're going to discover a new planet!

Well, that's nice. Tea will be ready in ten minutes.

It might take us a bit longer than that. Could we have tea in 25 minutes?

Of course you can, bunnykins. Tea in 25 minutes.

-[Peter giggles] -Tea in 25 minutes, Henry.

Thanks, Mum!

[Mum] Teatime, boys!

-[tummy rumbles] -About time too! I'm really hungry.

I wonder if the worm's found any planets yet?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

-[bells ringing] -Eureka!

That's it!

-Sorry, Fang, I need this grape. -Eh?

I'll explain later.

-Henry! -Coming, Mum!

Oh, there you are, Henry.

You don't want your carrot pie to go cold.

Thank you, Peter's mother.

That was a truly scrumptious tea, Peter's mother.

Aren't you going to say hello to Martin?

Hello, Martin. I'm just going to look through my telescope again.

Say hello to Martin, Henry.

Why? What's he doing here?

-He's come to babysit. -Why? Where are you going?

Margaret's mum and dad have invited us over for canapés.

-Sounds like fun. -Don't be horrid, Henry.

Now, where did I put my phone?

Oh, thank you, Martin.

Hi, Martin.

Henry!

Yes, worm?

-You'll never guess what. -Nope, I'll never guess what.

I've discovered a planet!

-You have? -Yes.

-Yes. Yes, it's round and... -Green?

Yes, how did you know?

Just a guess!

[sniggers]

The Perfect Peter planet!

That's what I'll call it!

[dials number, garbled voice]

Hello, is that the Department of New Planets?

-[garbled voice] -Yes.

I'd like to report the discovery of a new planet!

[laughs]

It worked! Operation Planet of the Grapes worked!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Alright, we can go and take a look.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yes, yes. Oh, yes.

[Fang] Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah!

[garbled voice]

Go for it, Fang.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah! -[Peter] Henry?

-Henry! -What?

Oh, you're here.

Yep, reckon I am. What do you want?

I want to thank you, Henry.

Thank me? Why?

-You had faith in me. -I did?

Yes, you did!

When I got my telescope for my birthday,

you said I could discover a new planet with it.

[sniggers] Oh, yes, I did.

And you inspired me to call it the Perfect Peter planet.

I'm sure that's not what I said.

Well, that's the name it will be known by forevermore!

-What do you mean? -[doorbell rings]

Oh, that'll be the press. We're going to be famous, Henry.

The press?

Famous? We?

Yes!

We'll be like Wilbur and Orville!

-Who? -Wilbur and Orville Wright.

They built the very first successful aeroplane.

Or the Marx brothers.

I'm pretty sure there were more than two of them.

[Fang munching]

Hello!

Heard about the new discovery.

The most exciting thing to happen today.

They're holding the front page.

-Erm, how about a press briefing first? -You what?

I mean, you want to know how brilliant Peter is

before he shows you his discovery, right?

OK. Why not?

Phew!

Now, all I've got to do is find another grape.

Can you believe it? Normally, we have grapes coming out of our ears.

But now, when I need one, can I find a grape?

OK, I know it's not green, but it will have to do.

Fang! Fang!

[Peter] And I owe it all to my big brother.

-How did you spell his name again? -H-E-N...

Fang.

If you can hear me, do not eat this grape!

[snoring]

Hmm! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

And this is where I keep my telescope.

[Fang sniffs]

May I?

[Fang sniffs] Eh?

Be my guest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Fang, no!

[Fang munching]

[woman laughs]

[Fang munching] Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah!

This is going to make a great story.

Yeah. "Alien hamster eats perfect planet in one bite".

[she laughs]

Oh!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh, hello, Martin.

All quiet on the Henry front?

Morning, Henry.

Morning.

You might find this interesting, Henry.

-Want to tell me about it, Henry? -Oh! It's complicated.

-Then, do you know what she said to me? -Yeah, what she said to me.

No, Susan, what she said to me!

Yeah, what she said to me.

Excuse us, bogey brains.

We'd like to have lunch sometime this century.

Oh, grow up, Henry!

[laughter]

Here, cos if the stew gets any older, it's gonna be a dinosaur!

Grow up, Ralph.

Ooh, look over there, it's a spider!

[they scream]

Nice one snotslime!

Noooooo!

Noooooo!

Aagh!

Grow up, you horrid boy!

Why does everyone keep telling us to grow up?

Search me, Henry. We're just doing our job.

Yeah. Which is...?

To be as horrid and rude as we can for as long as we can.

[laughter]

I'm never growing up.

-Mum gave you seconds first today. -Cool. Thank you. I think.

I'm going to grow up one day, just not yet.

-Oh, I'm going to grow up, for sure. -I dunno.

Not me. I'm Horrid Henry and that's the way I'm going to stay.

Careful what you wish for, Henry.

-What do you mean? -I'm going to be a farmer when I grow up.

That figures.

I'm going to be a reporter, like my dad.

I'm not sure if I should grow up or not.

I haven't decided yet.

I'm going to be rich and famous when I grow up.

[splutters] As if!

You mark my words, slimeball!

Rich and famous.

Yeah, rich and famous.

What do you want to be when you grow up, Brian?

I have several options.

I thought maybe... [Brian's voice fades]

[Peter] Wake up, Uncle Henry.

Where is everyone else?

Everyone else who, Uncle Henry?

Ralph, Roy and Al, the Purple Hand Gang.

[both] Ooh!

Our dad told us about the Purple Hand Gang.

Did he now?

Yes, he told us it was a gang of thieves and reprobates.

The only way he could bring it to justice...

Was by being constantly vigilant and...

Telling on me whenever he could. Yeah, I know.

Oh, I know. We're supposed to tell you...

That Miss Oddbod wants to see you.

OK.

And that if you don't get there as quickly as possible...

You'll be given a quadruple detention.

Right.

That means four times as long.

-Thank you. -It's a very grown-up word.

Quadruple!

So we thought you might not know what it means.

"Bert is one of Ashton Primary's most successful leavers.

As well as running a fleet of hoverbuses across the country,

he manages to play football for Liverpool and breed Boodle Poodles."

Who knew?

"Brian always loved computers so it was no surprise

when he created the world's first digital planet, powered by hamster wheels."

-Pretty cool! Go, Brian! -[Miss Oddbod] Henry!

Henry, you've been here for 15 years now

and I expect you to know you can't run in the corridor.

Has it been that long?

-Yes, Henry, it has. -That's a long time.

It's a very long time not to grow up, Henry.

Now, the preparations for Ms Smythe's visit.

-Miss who? -Ms Smythe.

Uh!

We're very fortunate that she's chosen to launch her new collection at our school.

Are we?

Who do you think's paying for the new climbing frame, Henry?

It's never been the same since the Battle of the Beetlebonces.

-Whatever that was. -Erm...

What do you need me to do, Miss Oddbod?

You tell me, Henry. You're in charge.

-Am I? -[school bell rings]

-You must certainly are, Henry. -Right.

Don't you want to get off home, Henry?

Oh, yes. Right, Miss Oddbod.

-Henry. -Yes, Miss Oddbod?

Make sure you don't mess it up.

No, Miss Oddbod.

-[horn honks] -Peter?

-Need a lift? -Well, yes. But what are you doing here?

Oh, I popped back to give mum and dad a surprise.

Popped back?

Yes, this book tour seems to be lasting forever,

and I wanted to say hello to my tippity-toppity boys Timmy and Tommy too.

[giggling]

So it was really the first time, but not the last time, if you get my drift.

Ooh, looks like old Moody's back in town.

-We'll have to make a run for it. -Ooh, goody!

[giggling]

No comment, no comment.

'Ere, what can you tell us about her inside?

I said no comment!

What were you thinking, Henry? We don't talk to journalists.

-We? -Yes. We. Us.

-Famous people. -Huh! Speak for yourself.

There you are, boys.

Hurry up, it's teatime.

Now then, who's for some Crunchy Carrot Corncakes?

Ooh! Thank you, Mum.

Don't be horrid, Henry.

We're trying out the recipes from Peter's new cookbook.

I do hope you don't mind, Henry. It's just a little old recipe I dreamt up.

And you'll never guess what else our little pumpkin-pooch has gone and done.

Nope, I'll never guess what else your little pumpkin-pooch has done, Mum.

Our little pumpkin-pooch, Henry.

He's only gone and bought I'm A Lady

because he knows how much I love that shop.

So now it's mine, all mine.

[journalists] Oi, over here! Look at me!

Who would have thought all those years ago, when you got their autograph?

Henry, where are you going?

Back in a Roly Mo!

Oh, might have guessed you'd be hanging around.

Just came to see what all the fuss is about.

Yeah, what all the fuss is about.

Susan, you're supposed to repeat after me, not after him.

Yeah, after me, not after him.

[laughs] Some things never change.

-Ralph? -Henry, old chap.

-How are you? -I'm good.

-Still, er... -Still at Ashton Primary, eh?

Well, yes.

-So what are you up to? -[chuckles] Quite a lot, actually.

The sportswear brand me and Al launched...

-You and Al? -Yeah.

It's called What We Gonna Do Now.

And it's gone viral, Henry!

-Everyone loves it. -I bet they do, if you made it.

Aw, thanks, Henry.

And now, somehow, I've ended up promoting Margaret's latest idea.

Which is...?

"Moody By Margaret".

Well, I say it's Margaret's latest idea.

It isn't really. It's Susan's.

Is that so?

Oi, Ralph! Over here. Now!

Sorry, Henry, gotta go.

Excuse me.

-Could I ask you a few questions? -Sure.

-Have you known her for long? -You could say that.

What was she like?

Let me tell you.

Thank you. That'll make for interesting reading.

You're welcome! And it will!

[cameras clicking]

One day, Henry, we're going to be married, whether you like it or not.

Nope, I don't like it, not one bit.

[blows a raspberry]

I saw that, Henry! It really is time for you to grow up.

I am never going to grow up.

Never, ever, ever.

[Peter] Henry? Henry?

Henry, are you OK?

Phew!

-Phew what, Henry? -There's only one of you.

Well, yes, there is only one of me.

Where's everyone else?

Phew!

I just came to ask if you could remind Mum

that I'll be a bit late back from school today?

Miss Lovely's arranged an afterschool talk for us.

-Really? -Yes.

It's all about I'm A Lady and I'm going to get their autograph so I can surprise Mum.

Nooooooo!