Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ Wash your face and brush your hair ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag, it's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

♪ So down with school! I'm gonna rule! ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life will be so sweet! ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK! ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry! ♪

Morning!

Hope your day's started off as good as mine has.

Mum's out at her "I'm A Lady" meeting

and Dad's gone to get the shopping, so there's plenty of space

-for me to practise my wheelies. -[cat] Miaow!

Let's see what's going on.

Come on now, Fluffy.

No pain, no gain, as Number Nine Number Gnome always says.

There, now you look like a Pet of Pets.

Yeah, Fluffy, you look like a Pet of Pets, for sure.

What's a Pet of Pets when it's at home anyway?

Nothing. And it's nothing to do with the Pet of Pets Prize either. Oops!

The Pet of Pets Prize?

Yes. I mean, no. I mean, it's none of your business.

It could be, if I wanted it to be.

It's not something you'd be interested in.

Could be, if I wanted it to be.

It's the big prize at the Ashton Pet Show.

You get free pet snacks for a year and a whole basket of pet treats,

like Feline Fur Smoother and Furry Fright Lights and...

You're right. It's not something I'm interested in.

-Told you so, Henry. -Later, worm.

You're a winner, Fluffy.

Miaow!

Hey, Fang!

Skateboarding upstairs is quite hard work you know, Fang?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[yawns]

[Mum] We're back!

Come on, let's go and hang out in the Purple Hand Gang fort.

That way Mum can't nag me to do any chores.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

-Ah, there you are, Henry. -Hi, Mum.

-Are you doing anything at the moment? -Just taking Fang for a walk.

Really?

Yeah. Fang needs his exercise, don't you, Fang?

It's not Fang I'm surprised at. It's you, Henry.

Me?

Yes, it's not like you to want to go for a walk.

Sorry, gotta go.

Oi, slug-snot, give this to the worm!

Careful, that nearly hit us!

-So? -What is it, anyhow?

It's a programme for the Pet Show.

Oh, yeah, the worm did mention it to me.

-Reckon's he's gonna win, he does. -Does he now?

-Yeah. -[Fang blows raspberry]

Don't suppose you'll be entering the rat?

Pah, no way! We wouldn't stoop to that, would we, Fang?

Well, let me know if you change your mind.

Why?

Cos my Dad's sponsoring the Pet of Pets Prize.

And I should care because?

Just wanted you to know, Henry, in case you change your mind.

We won't. Never in a million zillion years.

Even if you begged us to. Come on, Fang, we've got better things to do

than hang around talking to bogey brains all day.

-Who'd want to be in a pet show, eh? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so...petist.

All those animals being paraded in front of each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-All that fuss. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what's it all for at the end of the day?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No. Oh, no!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

No, Fang. Don't tell me you want to go in for it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh!

Alright. How much?

How much what?

How much for you to tell me what I've got to do to make sure that Fang wins

-the Pet of Pets Prize? -Oh, would that be the Pet of Pets Prize

you'd never be interested in in a million zillion years, even if I begged you?

Yep.

I can't hear you, Henry. What was that you said?

-I said yes. -Yes, what?

Yes, that would be the Pet of Pets Prize that I'd never be interested in

in a million zillion years even if you begged me.

Hmm? Now, let me think.

Have I got anything better to do than hang around talking to a bogey brain all day?

Come on, Margaret, let's get this over with.

I'm quite enjoying myself actually.

Well, I'm not.

Your entire collection of Gross Class Zero Comics.

Gulp!

OK.

And that stash of Nasty Nose Pickers you have hidden round the back of the fort.

How do you know about those? No one knows about those.

Except you, obviously. That's not fair.

Alright then, if you don't want to win.

OK, it's a deal. But he's got to win.

I can't make him win, I can only tell you how to win.

Same thing, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

-Miaow! -Hmm?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I'm sorry, Fang. It says here all pets have to be properly washed and dried.

[sighs] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-[splash] -Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yay, way to go, Fang!

Come on, Fang, got to get you dried off before you get cold.

[shivering] Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I used Mum's hairdryer for Fluffy.

Really? OK, cool, thanks.

Hairdryer. Hairdryer. Where would Mum keep her hairdryer?

Peter said you're going to use my hairdryer on Fang.

-Yeah, it's a great idea. -No, Henry, it is not a great idea.

Not a great idea at all.

-Well, Peter used it. -No, he didn't.

He'd never do anything as silly as that.

Then why... Oh.

What's it doing up there?

Staying out of the way of dangerous little boys like you.

Now, who needs their hair drying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Honestly, Fang, you look fantastic!

Yuck, yuck, yuck!

-[laughs] -What's so funny?

You look fantastic, Fang.

Not funny, fantastic!

Let's see what's next. Dance like a ballerina.

Seriously?

Wait here.

Oh!

Seriously?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Gotta admire your spirit, Fang. You'll do anything to win.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah! -[Mum] Teatime, boys!

I'll be back in a Roly Mo, Fang.

Miaow!

Unbelievable!

There you are, Henry.

-Henry? -[door opens and shuts]

Enter!

You're double dealing.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You're helping everyone else as well.

Well, not everyone.

How much?

What do you mean, Henry?

How much for you to tell me how to make sure Fang wins and Fluffy doesn't?

-Grease my palm with silver. -You what? I haven't got any silver.

Gold then.

Oh, no. Not my Golden Gizmo.

Yes, your Golden Gizmo.

Suit yourself.

And now, it's time to judge the Pet of Pets Prize.

-[whispers] -Presented by the ever-fabulous

Margaret Millicent Maudita Smyth and her dad!

[whispers]

Margaret Millicent Maudita Smyth and her dad.

Just remember what I told you to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Nice one, Fang!

-This one's disqualified. -What?! Why?

That's obvious. It's dead.

[both] Nooooooooo!

[TV] I will have my revenge!

Right, that's enough, Henry, time to do your chores now.

But I'm watching Gross Class Zero.

It's the end of the episode, Henry.

But there's another one in ten, nine, eight...

seven, six, five...

-Henry! -Four, three, two...

What did you do that for?

Cos it's time to do your chores.

No, it's not, it's time to find out if Burping Belinda

can get to Farty Fred before Drusilla Drekk wipes out the world.

No, it's not. It's time to find out whether Henry can get his chores done

before Mum stops his pocket money for a week, a month, a year.

Nooooooo!

So that's how my day started. Hope yours has been a bit better.

[phone rings]

That'll be Great Aunt Greta, phoning to say that she's knitting me

another jazzy jumper for Christmas.

Or maybe it's the manager of the Killer Boy Rats

calling to say they need an air guitarist for the concert tonight

and only the best will do.

[hums a tune]

Where is my air guitar anyway?

Oh, yeah, it's at the menders. The string broke.

What, you don't believe me? That air guitar gets played a lot.

[Mum] Henry? Phone for you!

Maybe it is the manager of the Killer Boy Rats.

-Who is it? -It's the manager of the Killer Boy Rats.

Cool!

What did he say?

-Oh, it's not a he, it's a she. -Hello?

-[Margaret] Is that Henry? -Er, yes. Who's this?

-This is the dentist surgery. -Oh. What do you want?

Little boy, it is customary to say, "Can I help you?"

-Not, "What do you want?" -Oh, er, sorry. Can I help you?

It's not you who can help me but I who can help you.

[she imitates dental drill]

This is an automated reminder about your next visit to the dentist,

which is scheduled in five days, six hours, 12 minutes and 42 seconds.

Oh, right.

I've done that already.

Mum!

[laughter]

And then you said...

[imitates dental drill]

But I don't understand how she can be the manager of the Killer Boy Rats

and hold down a job at the dentist surgery? That's a lot of hours.

That's not the point. I'm not going to the dentist and that's that.

Well, no, you're not going to the dentist

because you haven't got an appointment to go to the dentist.

Good, that's sorted then.

Although, you boys are due a check-up.

Maybe I'll make an appointment now, while I think of it.

OK, I don't care if I've already done it. This time I'm doing it again.

Noooooooo!

All sorted. Luckily, they had an after-school appointment.

-But you haven't made the phone call yet. -Did it all on my mobile.

Tingly Toothbrushes have this brilliant thing. I think it's called an app.

Great. Thanks, Mum.

Unbelievable!

Usually Mum has no idea where her phone even is,

but today she knows how to book the dentist on an app.

-Typical! -[phone rings]

If that's the manager of the Killer Boy Rats, you can get lost!

-Henry? Is that you? -Oh, yes, Dad.

-I thought you were someone else. -Yes. I got that.

-Er, can I help you? -That's better.

-OK, thanks. -See you later, Henry.

-[phone rings] -Hello?

[Margaret] Oh, hello. This is the dentist again.

-[imitates dental drill] -Yes. Thank you. Go away.

Going back upstairs to do my chores now!

[Mum] See you later, snootergator!

She's getting too modern for my liking.

I've told Mum I'm not feeling very well.

-Oooh! -Here you go, Henry.

Thanks, Mum.

-You seem a bit better now. -Oh, yes, I'm fine.

Though I might have broken my leg.

Broken your leg?

I see. You're feeling fine enough to read your comic, clearly.

And your leg, Henry?

Oh, it doesn't hurt so much now. I'll see how it is in the morning.

Reckon I'm not going to the dentist tomorrow then.

[Mum] Don't forget, Henry, dentist tomorrow!

[school bell rings]

You coming over after school, Henry?

Can't. Got the dentist.

Oh, yeah. Good luck with that.

I went to the dentist once. Well, quite a few times, actually.

They said to keep eating the carrots.

-I don't eat carrots, Graham. -Just thought you might like to know.

Heard from the Demon Dentist lately, Henry?

-What did you say? -[laughter]

[imitates drill]

It was you... It was you that called from the dentist surgery!

Can I help you, little boy?

Unbelievable!

She said she was the manager of the Killer Boy Rats too.

Girl of many talents, I am.

It's because of you that I'm going to the dentist this afternoon.

Yeah, well, you would have had to go sooner or later.

Maybe. But I would have preferred it to be later rather than sooner.

Time is a social construct, Henry.

-What does that mean? -It means don't worry about it.

How is that even helpful?

Good luck with your dentist appointment, Henry.

Yeah, thanks, Ralph.

Going to the dentist isn't that bad you know, Henry.

-Says you. -Yeah, says me.

Look, I'll tell you this for free.

If you look in the bottom of the basket of comics

underneath the third chair from the left, the one next but one to the wall...

-Are you listening to me, Henry? -Yes.

What did I say then?

You said something about the chair and the basket and... I wasn't listening to you.

Yeah, that's obvious.

I'm telling you that if you look in the bottom of the basket of comics

underneath the third chair from the left... What did I say?

Oh! If you look in the bottom of the basket of comics

underneath the third chair from the left.

Right. That's the next but one to the wall.

Yes. The next but one to the wall.

Then you'll find a stash of vintage Gross Class Zero comics.

Oh. Cool!

But don't go getting any ideas about taking any of those comics

cos no one else knows about them, so if you do...

Don't worry, I'm not going to be having any ideas in there.

I'm going to be too terrified.

That's what I'm telling you, beetlebonce.

Those comics are so vintage and so good

that you'll forget all about being at the dentist.

-Let's hope you're right. -[car horn beeps]

You're welcome, by the way.

Oh!

What?

Just wanted to say, er, you know, thanks and all that.

Oh! Maybe there's hope for him yet.

Everything OK, Henry?

Yes. Well, no.

-Worried about the dentist? -No. Well, yes.

Hm, I can understand that, when I was your age I was frightened to go to the dentist.

-Were you? -Oh, yes. I still am.

-But you're a grown-up. -Yeah.

Well, that's what it says on my passport.

So how are you still frightened of the dentist?

Oh, I don't know, Henry.

How don't you know? Aren't you supposed to know everything when you're grown-up?

Well, yes, you do learn a lot when you grow up.

And you get frilly hair.

Sure, you get frilly hair and you learn a lot, but I don't know, Henry,

sometimes I think the older I get, the less I know.

So what's the point of growing up then?

That's a very good question, Henry.

And not one I'm sure I know the answer to.

Well, we're here.

Yep, we're here.

-All done? -Yep, all done.

-See you next time, Henry. -Yeah. Looking forward to it.

-Really, Henry? -Yeah, really.

It was OK. I reckon she knew what she was doing.

Reckon they usually do.

Hang on a minute, Dad, just got to look at something.

Third chair from the left, next but one to the wall...

Ah, it's that one.

She was right. These are so vintage and so cool.

I'll save them for next time.

-Ready to go, Henry? -Yep, ready to go.

-Oof! -Oof!

[laughter]