Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

Can I have Sweet Tweets for breakfast today?

None left, sweetie bun.

- Ooh, Henry won't like that. - I know.

- He won't like that at all. - I know he won't.

(sighs) I'm so hungry I could eat...

- A bowl of porridge? - No. Why?

Because we've run out of Sweet Tweets.

So I've made some delicious porridge.

Ah, porridge. The breakfast of champions.

Porridge? Why would I want to eat porridge for breakfast?

Because it's good for you?

It contains B1, B5, B6, vitamin E, zinc, iron, fiber, carbohydrate...

Why would anyone want to eat porridge?

...and potassium! It's a super superfood, Henry.

Just like you're a super superworm, worm.

Hmm, as we all know, there will be no lessons today.

(murmuring)

For today a very serious challenge is laid at our door.

Ashton Primary expects every child to do their best.

And Ashton Primary expects every child to be better than the rest.

Together we will be the best!

ALL: Together we will be the best!

Together we will be the best!

- Remind me why we're doing this. - I dunno.

Oh, keep up, will you?

ALL: Together we will be the best!

Brian, did you run those numbers I gave you?

I did, Miss Oddbod.

And who does your computer say will be the most likely to succeed?

To win the challenge?

(beeps)

BRIAN: It's Henry, miss.

- Henry? - Henry?

- Henry?! - Yes. Henry.

(class gasps)

(yells) No!

Like, uh, do you even know what you're yelling about, Henry?

Uh, no.

The Annual Charity Fundraising Marathon Meeting of Minds.

You what?

The Annual Charity Fundraising Marathon Meeting of Minds.

That's what you're yelling about. You're doing it.

(yells) No!

Well, well. Let's get on with the task in hand, shall we?

What is it, Margaret?

Are we going with this, miss?

Sometimes Margaret, I simply despair of your use of language.

Just because you are young, it doesn't mean that you can treat it with disdain.

Well, yeah, to whatever that meant.

What we all want to know, miss, is are we going with this?

Am I to assume that you are referring to Henry, Margaret?

No one else round here called Henry, miss.

(class sniggers)

That doesn't quite make sense, Margaret,

- But I'll let it pass. For now. - Good.

Because if we are going with this, we've got a lot of work to do.

Correct, Margaret. We have.

And who better to help us get off to a running start...

- (blows whistle) - (chuckles) ...than Mr Soggington?

Well, I can think of lots of people, but we'll let that pass.

Come on, you lot. Let's get this over and done with.

You too, beetle bonce. You're the reason we're doing all this.

Well, you don't have to do it, do you?

I, for one, am not going to let those Giddiantus girls get the better of us.

And neither are you!

Oi! You coming or what?

You know, it is highly unlikely that we will win.

Who asked you?

- There's a general knowledge section. - Right.

For that you need general knowledge.

- Right. - There's a general fitness section.

- Right. - And for that you need...

Yeah, I get it. For that you need general fitness.

And at the end there's an all-round Mr Nice Guy or Gal section.

Yep. That could be a problem.

Oh, well. Life works in mysterious ways.

You can say that again, Margaret.

(Henry grunts)

MARGARET: Why is it always me that has to do this bit?

"You can do it, Margaret. You're the best, Margaret."

"You always get the job done, Margaret." You know what?

(gulps) What?

I can, I am and I do.

Think about it.

(indistinct chatter in hut)

To your stations, everyone. There is not a moment to lose.

Welcome to Team Henry.

Team Henry? I'm liking that!

(blows whistle)

You're not gonna like this next bit, Henry.

- First up, Brian for maths. - Maths?

Second up, Al for top-to-toe conditioning.

Conditioning? What's that when it's at home?

It's just a bit of football, Henry. Don't worry.

Body maintenance with Gurinder.

She's only going to comb your hair, snotslime!

Graham, you're in charge of snacks.

Margaret, you're--

I know what I'm doing, thank you very much.

Uh, right. Everyone else is here to support Henry every inch of the way.

(cheering)

- (sighs) - (sobs)

You sure it was my name that came up on the computer?

Ready for a spot of maths, Henry?

(yells) No!

(pants)

(grunts and groans)

- (pants) - (cheering)

And that's a wrap. Well done, everybody.

- (cheering) - You OK, Henry?

What do you think?

Well, at least it's all for a good cause.

And that cause is?

- Don't think Miss Oddbod told us that. - (whistle blows)

Well, this is it, old friend.

You can do it, Henry.

Yeah, I can do it.

- And Ralph? - Yeah?

- Thanks. - Go get 'em, Henry.

- (camera shutters click) - (excited chatter)

(sighs in relief)

- Well? - I'm through to the final round.

- (all sigh in relief) - And what's the final round?

All-round Mr Nice Guy.

- I'll deal with this one. - But...

Like I said, Henry, I know what I'm doing.

- (camera shutters click) - (excited chatter)

So, how are you going to make Horrid Henry Mr Nice Guy?

By being horrid.

♪ I'm horrid, really horrid ♪

♪ And I'm going somewhere ♪

♪ Gonna grab my air guitar ♪

♪ Gonna grow my hair ♪

♪ My life will be so free No responsibility ♪

♪ No more school, no more teachers ♪

♪ No reality ♪

♪ Because I'm horrid, really horrid ♪

♪ And I'm going somewhere ♪

♪ If you wanna come, too, I'm gonna take you there ♪

♪ Because I'm horrid, really horrid ♪

♪ And I'm going somewhere ♪

♪ If you wanna come, too ♪

♪ I'm gonna take you, take you there ♪

(crowd cheers)

♪ Horrid is as horrid does ♪

♪ That's what I say ♪

♪ Be horrid, very horrid every single day ♪

♪ It's the only way to be ♪

♪ The way to feel OK ♪

♪ Being horrid, very horrid is the only way ♪

♪ Because I'm horrid, really horrid ♪

♪ And I'm going somewhere ♪

♪ If you wanna come, too, I'm gonna take you there ♪

♪ Because I'm horrid, really horrid ♪

♪ And I'm going somewhere ♪

♪ If you wanna come, too ♪

♪ I'm gonna take you, take you there ♪

ANNOUNCER: And that was the Zero Zombies,

singing "Horrid Is As Horrid Does".

Yay! Go, Zero Zombies!

Thanks, worm.

The song, as we know, was written by Margaret Maudita Smith.

- Margaret Millicent Maudita Smythe. - Right. Thank you.

Breakfast, anyone?

- ANNOUNCER: Is it true, Miss Smith...? - MARGARET: Smythe. With an E.

Don't they teach you anything at presenting school?

Porridge! Breakfast of champions!

Is it true that all the proceeds from this video are being donated to charity?

Yep. How horrid is that?

Horrid is as horrid does!

- Morning, lungweed. - Morning, slugtrail.

- Morning, worm. - Morning, Margaret.

(indistinct chatter)

MIS BATTLE-AXE: So, then, this goes here, and that goes there,

and then, well, that's that.

You can shut your mouth now, Henry.

Oh, I do love a good equation.

(groans)

Please, miss. Me, too, miss.

(groans)

Thank you, Brian. Now...

(bell rings)

Phew! Saved by the bell!

"Love" is a weird word, isn't it?

You can say that again.

- Who you in love with, Henry? - No one.

He's in love with himself.

No, I'm not! I'm just talking about it.

Talking about what, Henry?

Love. And anyway, this is a private conversation.

Room for one more, Henry?

(yells) No!

Come on, Henry. You can tell me.

- Tell you what? - Who you're in love with.

I told you. I'm not in love with anyone.

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better."

What's that meant to mean?

Search me. Come on, Henry. Race you to lunch.

Watch where you're going, slugsnot.

You watch where you're going, beetle brain!

Yeah, yeah, whatever!

- You're in love with that phone. - You what?

I said you're in love with your phone.

What's not to love? It tells me everything I need to know.

Oh, yeah, like what?

Like the time, my dad's phone number.

The number for the Boodle Poodle Parlor.

Like whether I'm happy, or sad or just plain moody.

It even tells me what the weather's like.

It's raining.

Yeah, I know it's raining. My phone told me so.

- (beeps) - Hello.

My name is Margaret Millicent Maudita Smythe,

and I love me just the way I am.

There's that word again. Love.

(indistinct chatter)

You know, it's funny the things we say we love.

Take Ralph, for example. He says he loves doing stupid things.

Like being rude to the demon dinner lady.

(sighs) Ever-ready stew. Again.

Thank you, kind lady. Thank you.

- For this food we're forced to eat. - Ahem!

Because an army marches on its stomach,

and you want to keep us weak and defenseless.

(dinner lady hisses)

We're nothing but pawns in your merciless game.

- Docile creatures who... - (grunts)

Um, any chance of some chips?

(growls)

I'll take that as a no, then.

Al, on the other hand, says he loves being aerobic.

Horrid boy! No chips for you!

- He's in training. - Training for what?

- Training to eat school dinners. - Well, in that case...

Uh, thank you. I think.

Like my speech, Henry?

No, Ralph. I loved it! (chuckles)

Got it from one of my dad's books.

He's got the look of love.

- Has he now? - What are you two talking about?

Reckon you'll be needing some of these.

(shouts) When I ask for more chips, I mean I would like more chips.

Sometimes I think she should be called Margaret the Magnificent.

- Al, you are joking? - I dunno.

Well, I... Yes, yes, I am joking, Henry.

Good. Because if I thought for one minute...

No, Henry, don't think for one minute.

(chomps)

Although there is a difference between loving something

and being in love with someone.

Yes, there is. Take carrots, for example.

I love carrots, but I'm not in love with them.

Well, yeah. I love being horrid.

Mum, Henry's putting his beans on his fork!

Mum, Henry's lifting up his fork!

Mum, Henry's looking at me!

And sometimes I love being really horrid!

Mum, Henry's eating his beans!

(wails)

What? I'm just eating my beans.

Henry's eating his beans!

Don't be horrid, Henry.

I'm not being horrid. I'm being really horrid!

(giggles)

I tried asking if we could swap Peter for a model with an on-off switch.

- (both chuckle) - That just got me sent to my room.

That's when I know I've been really horrid, when I get sent to my room.

(guffaws)

What a bogey brain.

She's obsessed with her phone.

Yeah, I know.

Al, you were joking, weren't you?

"If music be the food of love, play on."

- Cool. - Al?

Cool, or not cool? That is the question.

- Go for it, Al! - Cool.

(plays mouth organ)

(girls laugh)

What a bogey brain!

Are you sure you mean that, Henry?

What are you talking about?

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind."

What's that supposed to mean when it's at home?

It's a quotation. I love a good quotation, don't you know?

Just like Miss Battle-Axe?

Yes! Just like Miss Battle-Axe.

Only, you see, Brian,

I'm pretty certain Miss Battle-Axe said she likes a good equation,

not a good quotation.

Hate to say it, but I think she's right, Brian.

(gulps) Oh. I say. Um, oops.

Yeah, "oops" is just about right.

Just, uh, going to get another glass of water.

Wait!

- So, Henry, how about it? - How about what?

- You and me. - You and me what?

You and me. The King and Queen of Horrid.

You what? How's that gonna work?

I'll tell you exactly how that's gonna work.

(organ plays)

You are such a slugsnot, Henry!

You won't even hurry up for your own coronation.

Henry and Margaret, I pronounce you King and Queen.

(plays fanfare)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Queen Margaret the Magnificent.

(crowd cheers)

And King Henry the Horrible.

(crowd cheers)

Henry, sit down!

I'm King.

I really am King!

Whoo-hoo! I'm a real king!

CROWD: All hail, King Henry the Horrible!

(chuckles) I love being King!

(clears throat) Greetings, loyal subjects.

Sit down, beetle bonce!

(fanfare sounds)

Stand up, Henry!

But you've just told me to sit down.

Well, it's time to stand up now.

Oh, make your mind up, duck brain!

(organ plays)

|All rise for King Henry the Horrible and Queen Margaret the Magnificent.

♪ Henry is King ♪

♪ And Margaret is Queen ♪

Funny where life can take you, isn't it?

So, bogey brain, what's next?

No idea, but I'll tell you something for free.

What's that, slugsnot?

You'll never reach the end of the line when you're traveling with me.

- Beetle bonce. - Snotslime.

(chuckles) This is King Henry the Horrible,

saying love what you do, and do what you love.

(chuckles) Which in my case is being horrid!

Very horrid!

(chuckles)