Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

I know what it looks like.

But don't worry, I'm not doing my homework.

I'm writing my top ten things list.

You're on my top ten things list, Mr Kill.

(growl)

(chuckles)

And so are you, Fang.

Fang?

(snores)

He had a late night last night.

Fang was a present from Mum and Dad for learning to ride my bike.

Brrrm, brrrm, brrrm.

Henry, keep still.

(chuckles) Brrrm, brrrm, brrrm.

Don't be horrid, Henry. Keep still.

Brrrm, brrrm, brrrm. (chuckles)

- DAD: Henry! - (chuckles)

(sighs) Think he's always going to be like this?

(sighs) Just our luck.

(chuckles) That bike was one of the best presents ever.

You know, getting presents is on my list of top ten things.

Getting presents has got to be the best thing in the world.

Except when the person giving you the present thinks you're a girl.

That's not so cool.

Mind you, a present is a present,

and sometimes it can come in more useful than you think.

HENRY: Nah, nah, ne, nah, nah!

We've got time to get a Too Cool For School episode in

before Mum starts nagging me to do my chores.

Weekends are on my list, too, but only when I'm not doing chores.

Mum says Too Cool is too scary, but I say what's wrong with being scary?

(laughs evilly)

I love being scary.

(roars)

BERT: I dunno. I dunno. I dunno.

(sobs) Henry.

Sorry, William. Did I make you cry?

No, Henry. You're not scary. But he is.

I dunno. I dunno. I dunno.

(sobs)

Well, I think I'm scary.

- (growls) - (squeals)

Told you I was scary.

Time for a bit of R and R.

Mum says TV's bad for you.

She says it's nowhere near as good as a good book,

and that it makes you lazy and horrid.

Pah! I'd be lazy and horrid even if I didn't watch TV.

And anyway, reading books didn't work for me.

What?

(chuckles)

Henry, your nose is all black.

Henry's been reading a book!

Ow. That hurts.

Not as much as reading a book must have hurt.

Thanks, Dad.

See what I mean?

What book were you reading, anyway, Henry?

Some book about a boy who thinks he's really horrid,

but he ends up being mean the whole time.

- Bit like you, then, Henry. - I'm not mean. I'm horrid.

- (turns TV on) - (chuckles) And gross.

Snot, bogey, fart, poo, we're all gross and so are... you.

I am not gross.

Oh, come on, Peter. You secretly love watching Gross Class Zero, don't you?

Well, sometimes. If Bogey Barbara's in it.

And you secretly like watching Too Cool For School, don't you?

(squeals and chuckles)

(screams)

I'm not even in this scene with you. That means...

You watch it sometimes without me.

Yes, uh, I mean, no.

I mean, what else is on your list, Henry?

Hmm, let me see.

I'm going to say... snotbags.

- Eek! - Go on. Touch it.

No! It's gross!

But it's meant to be gross.

You just don't get it, do you?

Some things are meant to be gross, and some things are meant to be...

Lovely and fluffy and nice.

Well, yeah, I suppose so.

Like my Happy Hippos. Do you like my drawing, Henry?

Not bad, worm. I suppose they've all got names?

PETER: Ooh, yes, this one's Buttercup.

HENRY: Beefy Buttercup.

- PETER: And this one's Sunbeam. - Silly Sunbeam.

- And this one's... - Yeah, yeah, I get it.

But do they have to be so happy all the time?

Ooh, don't be horrid, Henry.

That's what they all say. That's on my list, too. Saying things.

I love saying things like "gross!" And "Purple Hand Gang Rules!"

And "out of my way, worm!"

Don't be horrid, Henry.

I hear that one all the time.

And N-O spells "no" and...

Mum, Henry's being horrid.

MUM: I know, sweetie bun.

Ooh, Henry can I say one of mine?

One of your what, smelly nappy baby?

That's another one.

Ooh, I'll get you Henry.

That's one of Moody Margaret's.

Or old snotslime bogey brain beetle bonce, as I like to call her.

Goodness is its own reward, Henry.

What's that supposed to mean?

Try being more like your brother, Henry.

Yeah! Like that's gonna happen!

When I'm king... Oh, there's another one,

I'm going to make a rule that little brothers everywhere

will have to ask permission to speak.

Permission to speak, Lord High Majesty.

Permission to speak, Lord High Majesty and Leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

Permission to speak, most esteemed and gracious Lord High Majesty

and Leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

On second thoughts, perhaps that's not such a good idea.

Another thing on my list is moving around.

As you will know by now, I love to toot-scoot. Toot, toot.

Mum always says I shouldn't be on my wheels in the house,

but I don't see why not.

(meows)

- (meows) - Whoa! Look out, Fluffy.

Whoa!

Fluffy is most definitely not on my top ten things list.

(meows)

The only four-legged creature on my list is Fang.

He's the best horrid hamster ever!

Yeah, yeah.

He's my best friend ever.

Along with Rude Ralph.

Aerobic Al.

Brainy Brian.

Beefy Bert and Greedy Graham.

Anxious Andrew and Weepy William.

The Purple Hand Gang AKA the Zero Zombies.

Wait up, guys! We need you!

Air guitar's on my list.

And the Killer Boy Rats.

And Zero Zombies.

Fancy doing a bit of air guitar right now?

One, two, three, four.

(music starts)

♪ When the whole world's gone mad And school's just as bad ♪

♪ When there's a bogey brain next door ♪

♪When you're fed up of your brother Being nagged at by your mother ♪

♪ And homework's Piling up on the floor ♪

♪ When there are teachers all around But your friends just can't be found ♪

♪ You're up to your neck in goo ♪

♪ When life's full of girls And little boys with curls ♪

♪ And they're coming after you ♪

♪ You need a song For when things go wrong ♪

♪ For when life's not fair And you're going nowhere ♪

♪ A song you can sing To show that you're king ♪

♪ To show you don't care And you're going somewhere ♪

♪ When there's a cat sat on your head And you're told to go to bed ♪

♪ And "don't be horrid" is all you hear ♪

♪ You feel like you've been had Being yelled at by your dad ♪

No TV for a week, a month, a year!

♪ You need a song For when things go wrong ♪

♪ For when life's not fair And you're going nowhere ♪

♪ A song you can sing To show that you're king ♪

♪ To show you don't care And you're going somewhere ♪

♪ You need a song For when things go wrong ♪

♪ For when life's not fair And you're going nowhere ♪

♪ A song you can sing To show that you're king ♪

♪ To show you don't care And you're going somewhere ♪

(both chuckle)

It'll take him all morning to figure that out.

Probably all day.

Ah, Henry. Just the person.

He can't have figured it out already.

- Or my name's not Rude... - Ralph.

Uh, yes, Miss Oddbod?

Come along, Ralph. You're just the person, too.

It wasn't Henry's fault, miss. Honest it wasn't.

It's just that, well, and then he, and then...

Ralph, Ralph.

Whatever it is that you two have done, I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later.

But right now all I need to know is have you got your thinking caps on?

Uh, yes, I think so, Miss Oddbod.

Good. Then have I got a job for you.

- Well, go on, then. - Yeah, go on, then.

Go on what, Susan?

Just, uh, go on.

(sighs) No, Susan.

It's you I'm telling to go on.

Yeah, it's you... Uh, you what, Margaret?

Proclamation.

- You haven't lost it, have you? - Um...

No, you haven't lost it, because you're holding it In your hand.

Oh, yeah, in your hand.

Uh, I mean, my hand.

Get on and read it, then, before boncy old Battle-Axe gets here.

Ah, Margaret.

Boncy old Battle-Axe, as you so fondly refer to your teacher,

will not be coming into school today.

She is otherwise indisposed.

And who could blame her, really?

So I'd like to introduce you to your two substitute teachers for today.

(yells) No!

(yells) No.

Do something, Henry.

(continues yelling)

(continues yelling)

Right, well, you heard what Miss Oddbod said, you horrid lot. (laughs nervously)

Uh, yes, Brian?

Uh, please, Henry, you're supposed to be taking the place

- of Miss Battle-Axe, not Soggy Sid. - You're right, Brian.

So if you're going to do it correctly, Henry,

then you really should say "sit down" in a very loud Scottish accent.

Oh, oh, can I do that bit, Henry?

Be my guest, Ralph.

Oh and Henry, you and Ralph

should really be called Master Henry and Master Ralph.

Master Henry and Master Ralph.

I like that! Be my guest, Master Ralph.

(Scottish accent) Och, will you sit doon noo?

(pants)

That includes you, young lady.

Oh, uh, thank you, Margaret.

Right, what shall we do first?

Miss Battle-Axe always does the register first.

- She does, you know. - ♪ Yes, she does ♪

Alright, then, we'll do the register.

- Bert. - I dunno.

- Thank you, Bert. Brian? - Here, Master Henry.

Thank you, Brian.

This is going to take ages.

We'll never have time to do anything else.

How about we just ask everyone if they're here?

Excellent idea, Ralph.

Right, is everyone here?

CLASS: Here, Master Henry.

MARGARET: No.

- Did you just say no? - Yes.

- You just said no, you're not here? - Yes.

- But you are here. - No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not. If I say I'm not I'm not. And I should know.

- But... - But me no buts Henry.

I'm not here and that's that.

Right. OK, then. You're not here.

Except break time and lunchtime. I'll be here, then.

Right. Why?

(sighs) Because if I'm not here at break time and lunchtime,

then I can't take a break, or have my lunch, can I?

I suppose not.

Think about it, Henry. Or should I say, Master Henry?

Shall we get on with teaching our class something, Master Henry?

- Yes, Master Ralph. What shall we do? - Let's ask them.

Well, that worked.

We could go and play football. That would be cool.

- Oh. Not cool? - No, Al. Not cool.

Soggy Sid will want to get involved, and we'll have to do some real work.

Oh, yeah. Not cool, Henry.

You're not here!

I'm not here, but even though I'm not here,

I wanted to ask if you've thought about teaching us anything,

because otherwise Miss Oddbod might think twice

about asking you two slug-snot- for-brains to be teacher again.

And we care because?

Because we might get someone else in to teach us.

(wheezing)

Yeah, very funny, Bert.

I dunno.

How about getting us to do some writing, Henry?

Uh, OK.

So if you get another one, Ralph...

I'll know what I've got to do with it.

- MARGARET: Please sir. - Yes, oh, one who isn't really here?

Would you like it in single spacing, or double spacing?

Uh, single spacing, or double spacing what?

I'll do it in triple spacing, shall I?

Uh, yes. Do it in triple spacing.

You can all do it in triple spacing.

(class groans)

(whispers) That was pretty random, wasn't it?

Yeah! Just like a teacher, eh?

(bell rings)

- Let's eat. - Yeah.

I'm so hungry I could eat a plate of...

- Stew? - Well, yeah.

(both laugh)

Class dismissed.

It ain't over till the moody lady sings.

Hey, this isn't the usual, uh...

Miss Oddbod wants to talk to us.

(sniffs) Hmm...

Sidmouth, please.

These boys are our colleagues for today,

and that was a little bit of a rude thing to do wasn't it now?

Oh, uh, sorry, Miss Oddbod.

I, uh, just wanted to give them some space.

Well, in that case, thank you, Sidmouth.

I'm sure they will appreciate the space you've given them, won't you, boys?

I said, won't you, boys?

Uh... uh, yes, Miss Oddbod.

Thank you, sir, I mean, Sidmouth, for giving us some space.

It's, ahem, my pleasure, you horrid boys.

I mean, Henry and Ralph.

Good, well, then, now that we've got the introductions out of the way,

tell me how this morning went.

You think you're so clever, Horrid Henry, but you're not.

And as for you, Rude Ralph...

Oh, hello.

Listen up you, horrid lot.

I'm in charge now.

Where's Henry? And Ralph?

Otherwise indisposed.

Oh. Cool.

I'm the teacher now.

Oh. Cool.

Is that cool?

Do you think this is a good idea, Margaret?

Obviously, I think it's a good idea otherwise I wouldn't be doing it!

Well, technically you're correct, but..

Do you want to learn something today, Brian, or not?

Yes, I do!

Right. Then get a load of this.

" Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah."

"Oyez." That says oyez.

"Oh. Yeah."

"Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah."

"This proclamation hereby proclaims that girls rule."

(sighs) Here's a song I've written about that very subject.

It's called Girls Rule, Down With Boys.

(music starts)

♪ Girls can do cartwheels ♪

♪ And girls can squeal ♪

♪ Girls can do science, it's no big deal ♪

♪ Girls can twirl ♪

♪ They can rock and roll ♪

♪ Girls don't look like they just crawled out of a hole ♪

Like a troll.

What's going on?

- We're learning something, bogey brain. - But--

♪ Girls are refined They don't whine ♪

♪ Don't wanna jump on your bed ♪

♪ Or, like, sit on your head ♪

♪ Girls are super duper, they'll be your best friend ♪

♪ Will stick by your side till the very end ♪

Well, yeah, sometimes.

Oh, don't stop, girls.

♪ Down with boys ♪

I'm so glad to see that your lesson plan has worked out so well, boys.

Well done, everyone!

♪ Down with boys ♪

♪ Girls rule, girls are cool ♪

♪ Down with boys ♪