Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

And as you all know, the day after tomorrow will be test day.

And that means...

Anyone?

Like, uh, you what, Miss Battle-Axe?

Yeah. You what, Miss Battle-Axe?

"Pardon, Miss Battle-Axe."

- Pardon you what, Miss Battle-Axe? - Yeah, pardon you what?

Oh, for heaven's sake, girls and boys! Have I taught you nothing in this class?

Um, I've learnt to read in class, miss.

Ooh, thank you, Brian.

I've learnt to twirl my hair three different ways at the same time.

- Uh, thank you, Gurinder. - (Henry sniggers)

And, Henry. What have you learnt in my class, Henry?

- Oi! Henry! - Nothing, Miss Battle-Axe.

Nothing, Henry?

Um, I-I mean, something, Miss Battle-Axe.

I, uh, what was the question again?

You said "something," Henry.

What is that something that you've learnt in my class?

Uh...

You'd better hope, Henry, that that something is maths,

because the day after tomorrow you will be taking a maths test.

(yells) No!

What were you doing, anyway, Henry? It was like you were in another world.

Cool. Another world.

Uh, is that cool?

(chuckles) It's cool, Al.

I was designing the Henry goo slime calculometer.

Cool!

Uh, what's one of them, Henry?

The Henry goo slime calculometer. It does your maths tests for you.

And goos your enemies at the same time as making the best slime ever!

Cool! Can I have one, Henry?

(sighs) If I had one, Al, I would give it to you, but I don't.

It's only a drawing on a piece of paper.

(Brian hums)

What's he so happy about?

Maths test. That's what.

Hey, Brian, any top tips for the maths test?

Use your brain, Henry. It's a good one.

Yeah. Right. I-I think.

- What did he say? - Not much. Just to use my brain.

Yeah, well, that's gonna be difficult when you've got snot for brains.

Yeah, snot for brains.

At least my brain's not a duck's brain.

MARGARET: Ha! Says who?

Yeah, says who?

(growls)

Face it, Henry. Tests are not really our thing, are they?

I guess not.

- Keepie-uppies, Henry? - Yeah. OK.

(munches) Mmm.

Ooh, Henry, don't you want your broccoli burger?

No.

Ooh, thank you, Henry.

I love broccoli burgers!

You're welcome. And I know.

Is something wrong, Henry?

What do you mean, worm?

I mean, you're even more grumpy than usual.

Even taking into account that it's broccoli burgers for tea.

Yeah, well, you'd be grumpy, too, if you had a maths test.

No, I wouldn't.

I'd be ready for it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart!

You are such a weird worm, worm.

Yep. That's me.

(sighs) Alright, then.

Tell me how you do it.

So, you see, Henry, hard work plus dedication equals success.

No work plus pretending that it's never going to happen equals failure.

Tell me something I don't know.

Alright, then.

Did you know that in space, no one can hear you scream?

No. Is that true?

Yes. Gordon says it is, and he's too goody-goody to tell a lie.

That's the problem, worm.

You're all too goody goody. And I'm not.

(sighs) I don't think I can help you, Henry.

You're going to have to help yourself.

Alright, then. I will.

GNOME:If you've got to do a test, make sure you are better than the rest.

(sighs)

- (phone rings) - (purrs)

May I 'elp you?

Oh, uh, is Ralph there?

One moment, please.

- Hi, Henry. - Hi, Ralph.

- What's up? - Maths test.

How's the Henry goo slime calculometer coming on?

- It's not. - Oh. OK.

- See you tomorrow. - OK. See you, Henry.

- (sighs) - (purrs)

You're lucky, Fluffy. You don't have to do maths.

You're a cat.

DAD: Henry!

- (meows) - (beeps)

Mission accomplished!

Up, two, three, four! Up, two, three, four!

Ah, Mr Soggington. How did you get on?

Mission accomplished, Miss Oddbod.

Well done, Mr Soggington.

Hiding them in the toilet,

then asking for a toilet break in the middle of your test.

(chuckles) Oldest trick in the book.

Oh. Oldest trick in the book.

(chuckles) Did you get that, Miss Oddbod?

- Oldest trick... - Yes, Mr Soggington.

(sighs) Bring them to my office.

Yes, Miss Oddbod.

We'll just have to try something else.

Go on, then. Try it.

(sniffs)

Eugh! What is that smell?

It is very smelly.

It's a smelly smell.

Yeah, a smelly smell.

Yes, thank you, Susan.

It's Henry.

Oh, it's no good. I can't read my own writing.

Not sure the shoes are gonna work, Henry.

Time to try my secret weapon, then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, if I were to ask you what three plus two equals,

what would the answer be?

- Please, miss. - Yes, Margaret.

The answer would be five, miss.

- (growls) - Well done, Margaret.

And if I were to ask you what three plus three

to the power of prime number 17,

divided by the covalent of 24 was...

- Please, miss. - Yes, Margaret.

There's someone at the window, miss.

MISS BATTLE-AXE: Is that a rat?

(sighs)

- Henry? - Yes, Dad.

- You in bed already? - Yes, Dad. Early night.

Maths test tomorrow.

Of course. Well, just do your best, Henry.

- Yes, Dad. - You'll get one or two answers right.

Thanks, Dad. Good night.

You are so going to fail your test.

You will never be as good as the rest.

Eureka!

That's it!

- Ready for this, Henry? - Ready, Ralph.

I tried writing my times tables on a carrot.

Cool.

It's clean, sir.

- Hmm. - Can't get much on a carrot stick, sir.

- I'll be having that, young man. - Oh.

Not cool.

Brains before bogey brains, Henry.

Hmm.

Mascot, sir. We're allowed mascots.

Off with the blazer, Henry. You can't fool me.

A-ha! Just as I thought.

HENRY: It's a design for the Henry goo slime calculometer, sir.

Well, you won't be needing that in the test, will you?

No, sir.

Mascot, sir.

(beeps)

(bell rings)

Let the test begin!

- TV:Be afraid. Be very afraid. -(squeals)

For today on "Too Cool For School", we bring you the Handle of Horror.

Ooh, I don't think I've seen this one before.

It's new. They're always thinking of new ones.

Ooh, goody!

Will Clever Karl conquer the Fear Phantom?

Ooh, the Fear Phantom. I like that.

(chuckles)

Will Awesome Ali beat the Time Terror?

(gasps) The Time Terror?

And will Mighty Molly overcome the Moon Monster?

The Moon Monster? The Moon Monster? What's that?

(evil voice) The Moon Monster.

(squeals)

You know, the Moon Monster.

Ah. Oh, yes. The Moon Monster.

Is that what I think it is?

- It's horrible. - (squeals)

So horrible!

Oh! I can't believe she's going to do it!

- (squeals) - (screaming on TV)

BOTH: No!

(teeth chatter)

- (TV turns off) - What did you do that for?

It's bedtime, Henry. And it's scaring Peter.

No, it's not.

He's enjoying it as much as I am, aren't you, Peter?

Nonsense. He's terrified.

But that's the whole point.

Bedtime. Now.

Worm.

Don't be horrid, Henry.

Henry, bed. Now.

I don't know how you can watch that stuff.

- (TV turns on) - (screaming on TV)

Bedtime, Henry.

I am in bed.

(sighs) Sleep time, Henry.

I am asleep.

(snores)

Very funny, Henry.

HENRY: What did you do that for?

You shouldn't be reading this stuff just before bed.

Why not? It's only gross.

Exactly. Night, Henry.

Night, Mum.

- (snores) - TED: Henry!

GORDON: Henry!

Henry, we need you.

Is this a dream?

It's not a dream. Come down, Henry!

Come on, Mr Kill. Let's find out what's happening.

This had better be good.

I need my beauty sleep, you know.

OK, you know you're dreaming

when someone steps forward from the shadows!

Alright, then. What's all this about?

- Peter's been captured. - Captured?

- Yes, and-- - We agreed I'd tell him the rest, Ted.

Did we? I thought I was to tell him up to the bit about the Happy Hippos and--

The Happy Hippos? What have they got to do with this?

Then you were going to tell him the bit about--

Ahem. That's my bit, Ted.

Oh. Right. Sorry, Miss Battle-Axe.

Miss Battle-Axe? In my garden? In the middle of the night?

This so is a dream!

Ouch! What did you do that for?

To show you you're not dreaming.

Are you ready, Henry, to do your duty?

My duty?

Your duty as a big brother, Henry.

Something tells me this isn't going to be good.

Peter's been captured by the Happy Hippos,

and the only way you can get him back is by going onToo Cool For School.

No way. Uh-uh. I'm not doing it.

No one ever wins onToo Cool For School.

I did, Henry.

Yes, but that was a long time ago, and...

Please tell me I'm dreaming.

What are you doing here?

Stepping out of the shadows.

(sighs) What is it with you lot?

You've all been watching too many movies.

Whatever. I'm here to make sure that you do what you're being asked to do.

Oh, yeah? How are you going to do that?

By mocking you and saying that you're too much of a scaredy-cat

to go onToo Cool For Schoolanyhow.

I am not.

Ha! Works every time.

(growls)

Aw! You've got your cuddly toy, Henry!

- (growls) - (screams)

- (chuckles) - MISS BATTLE-AXE: Ahem.

(sighs) Alright, then. What do I have to do?

Park keeper's hut. Seven o'clock sharp.

But that's suppertime.

Seven o'clock in the morning, Henry.

The morning? Hang on! Who says I want him back anyhow?

(Margaret guffaws)

Guess we'd better get some sleep.

The bog of doom.

Just as well I've got my trusty yoyo with me.

Flick the bogey. Don't let me down.

We're in.

Hello? Anyone there?

(imitates guitar)

(clapping)

(evil laughter)

MAN: Nice one, Henry.

- Who are you? - I am the Fear Phantom.

(gulps) The real Fear Phantom?

FEAR PHANTOM: The real Fear Phantom.

Have you got the worm?

- FEAR PHANTOM: The worm? - Yes! The worm!

FEAR PHANTOM: What is this worm of whom you speak?

The worm. You know, Peter. Perfect Peter.

The one with the red jumper, lots of curls and the annoying laugh.

The one who eats all the Sweet Tweets, though he pretends he doesn't like them.

FEAR PHANTOM: I like Sweet Tweets.

Do you? Which ones do you like best? The green ones or the blue ones?

FEAR PHANTOM: Actually, I like a bit of both.

Me, too! And sometimes I--

(woman clears throat)

WOMAN: I don't want to interrupt, but we should be getting on with things.

FEAR PHANTOM: Ah, yes. Sorry. Where were we?

WOMAN: You are the Fear Phantom.

FEAR PHANTOM: Ah yes. Be afeared. Be very afeared.

For I am the Fear Phantom.

- That was good. - FEAR PHANTOM: Do you think so?

- WOMAN: Look, I'll do it, shall I? - Who are you?

I am the Time Terror.

And you're scary because?

TIME TERROR: Because I am scary!

Very scary!

(gulps)

Alright. You're scary.

TIME TERROR: Henry, big brother to the worm,

you have three tasks to complete.

Three? Um, could I just do one, 'cause it's nearly time for school, and...

TIME TERROR: I take care of the time round here.

Right. Yes. Of course.

TIME TERROR: Bring on the worm.

Peter? Boo!

(hippos squeal)

- That was easy! - Have you come to take me home?

Uh, I guess so.

Good. 'Cause I'm hungry.

It must be nearly breakfast time.

TIME TERROR: Stop!

Where are we, Henry?

Too Cool For School.I think.

Doesn't look like Too Cool For Schoolto me.

TIME TERROR: Not yet.

(evil laughter)

PETER: Eek. The Handle of Horror!

Eek! The Tub of Terror! (gasps)

- What's that, Henry? - The Swing of Survival.

Or not. As the case may be.

PETER: It's the Moon Monster.

I think it's time to go now, Peter.

Henry, you're holding my hand.

HENRY: There's no way out.

Don't let's ask for the moon, Henry.

We have the stars.

Meaning what?

Peter?

(yells) Peter!

Where am I?

You're holding my hand, Henry.

You're... here.

Yes, but not for long.

It's breakfast time,

and Mum says I can have Sweet Tweets for breakfast today!

(yells) No!