Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

Now, I want you all to sit and listen very carefully to Mr Soggington.

He is going to deliver our Friday fun lecture,

which today is all about goldfish.

Uh, yes.

And how they can help with global warming.

I'm really not sure where to begin, Miss Oddbod.

There's so much to say.

Why don't you begin at the beginning?

Oh, uh, yes.

A very good place to start.

Then go on.

Till you come to the end, and then...

And then?

Stop, Mr Soggington.

OK. Got it, Miss Oddbod.

Thank you, Miss Oddbod. Thank you.

(indistinct chatter)

I shall begin at the beginning...

(mutters indistinctly)

(snores)

(continues to mutter)

- Mr Soggington! - Miss Oddbod?

We're just about at the stop part now.

Of course, Miss Oddbod. I'll just take a few questions.

(snores)

(yawns)

(yells) No!

(door slams)

Yep. It's early.

And yep. It's Saturday.

And yep. I'm on my way to school.

Turns out Soggy Sid wanted to try out his idea for a new club.

A detention club. On a Saturday!

And all because I fell asleep during his lecture about goldfish.

Goldfish! I ask you!

- Hello, Henry. - What are you doing here?

I've joined the detention club.

You do realize it's a detention club, don't you?

Oh, yes. I've never had a detention before.

I'm quite excited about it.

Is that weird or is that weird?

I'm going to report back to the Best Boys.

They're really excited about it, too.

That's weird.

- Hey, Henry! - Al? What are you doing here?

- Couldn't let you do this on your own. - That's very decent of you Al.

Yeah, cool. That's what I thought.

Like, uh, wait for me, Henry.

Linda?

(yawns) Like, that's my name, Henry.

Linda?

Linda, what are you doing here?

Like, uh, it's a new club, innit?

Well, yeah, but...

Come on, you 'orrible lot. No time for chitchat.

Excuse me! Not.

Oi, snotbag, what have you done with my Crimson Cutlass?

Oh, uh, sorry Mr Soggington, sir.

Didn't realize you were, um, there.

- Detention, Margaret. - Yes, miss.

Excuse me, sir. There's been a mistake.

Too right there's been a mistake, young lady.

That's why we're here.

No, I mean--

And if this horrid boy here had chosen to pay attention instead of...

Atten-shun!

Miss Battle-Axe is here.

Stand by, boys and girls.

I said stand by!

(chuckles) You mean stand up, don't you, Mr Soggington?

I mean what I say, you horrid boy.

Ooh.

You have exactly all day to think about why you're here.

Ooh! All day, Miss Battle-Axe?

Yes. All day.

The crime committed was a very serious one.

Oh!

You may not talk.

You may not sleep.

(snores)

- MISS BATTLE-AXE: Linda! - (gasps) Oh! Sorry, Miss Battle-Axe.

(snores)

You may not move from this room.

And while you are here, you will consider a very important question.

A question?

This is all your fault, Henry.

How is it my fault that you're here, bogey brain?

Shh! Henry!

That question is, who do I think I am?

Not a goldfish, that's for sure.

Shall we?

Ooh! We shall, Mr Soggington.

Is it always like this?

- Is what always like this? - Detention.

Uh, like, this is detention?

Linda, why else do you think you're here on a Saturday?

Like, uh, it's Saturday?

(Linda snores)

Oh, I've had enough. I'm leaving.

No! You can't!

What did you say?

I mean, won't we get into awfully big trouble if you leave now?

Probably. And I care because?

Because Miss Battle-Axe said you may not talk,

you may not sleep, and you may not leave the room.

And we've got all day to do it.

Those are the rules, Margaret.

Right. So we've already broken two out of three rules.

- What do you mean? - We're talking.

- TED: But-- - MARGARET: She's sleeping.

- Well, yes, but-- - So I'm leaving the room!

Wait! Who do you think you are?

I am Margaret Millicent Maudita Smythe.

And you are?

Just Henry.

No, you're not. You're Horrid Henry.

Well, yes, I'm Horrid Henry.

TED: And you're?

Aerobic Al. At your service.

- And I'm Ted. - Tidy Ted.

- Tidy Ted? - Yep. At least that's what I call you.

Alright, then. I'm Tidy Ted. I quite like that, actually.

Look, bird brain, I don't want to interrupt,

but I've got better things to do than stand here

and discuss who you think you are.

He's got a point, beetle bonce.

And that point is, slugsnot?

- We are who we are. - Yeah. Genius!

And we've got a right to be.

Cool, Henry.

No, not cool, Al.

We're not anyone. We're just kids.

Yeah, but we're cool kids.

No, we are not cool kids, Al.

We're the kids who got detention, because of beetle brain here.

Because he fell asleep during a lecture on goldfish.

Yeah, well, they are a bit boring, goldfish.

Alright, you've got a point. Goldfish are a bit boring.

(gibbers angrily)

(yawns) Yeah, boring goldfish.

Look, Margaret, I'm not here because Henry fell asleep.

- I'm here because-- - Oh, get real, Ted.

You're a prisoner here, just as much as we are.

A prisoner? I'm a prisoner?

Yeah. As good as.

I'm a prisoner!

We are all just prisoners here.

Yeah, of our own device.

Now out of my way, Tiny Ted.

It's not Tiny Ted, it's Tidy Ted.

And I'm standing up for my rights.

Well, if you could just stand up for your rights over here,

I can get on with my life over here.

Wait! We can do this together.

Do what together?

The not talking. The not sleeping. The not leaving.

- How? - I'm going to tell you a story.

One story, Margaret, then you can leave.

Deal?

Deal. One story, then I'm out of here.

This is the story of Goldilocks.

And the three bears who didn't know who they were until...

And they all lived happily ever after.

(sighs)

I'll say one thing, Ted. You're the best storyteller I ever heard.

Yeah. Got any more where that came from?

Well, I hope you've had enough time to think about who you are.

Oh, yes, Miss Battle-Axe.

I am Tidy Ted.

And I am Aerobic Al. Cool.

Like, uh, I'm Lazy Linda.

I'm Moody Margaret.

And I'm Horrid Henry!

Same time next week, Miss Battle-Axe? (chuckles)

MISS BATTLE-AXE: Ouch!

(Gross Class Zero theme music plays)

Oh, it's you.

Yep, it's me.

Is this the one where Smelly Socks Smiffy

stops SICK taking over the universe?

(chuckles) Yep.

Nice early warning system, Henry.

Yeah. Let's hope it works next time.

(switches channel)

Henry... Oh, hello, Ralph.

Hello, Henry's mum.

It's a lovely day outside.

Shouldn't you be out there playing, instead of in here watching TV?

Can we just watch to the end of our program?

What are you watching?

It's a program about gardening I think.

Alright, then. Five more minutes.

(channel switches)

Mum says you're watching a gardening program.

- Can I watch with you? - No.

(screaming on TV)

That's not a program about gardening.

You're watching Gross Class Zero.

- HENRY: No, we're not. - Yes, you are.

And I'm going to tell Mum.

(yells) No!

All quiet on the bogey-brain front.

Yeah. It's been quiet for a while now. Too quiet.

You know, we haven't done a really big raid on the Secret Club for a long time.

(chuckles)

Do you remember the last time, though? How mad she got?

Yeah. She couldn't believe you got both of them at the same time.

Got any other plans for today, Henry?

I don't believe we have, Ralph.

Then let's get planning the raid of the century.

Now, have I got everything?

Clipboard. Check.

Certificates. Check.

And three different colors of pens. Check.

You know, you really are a good Chief Secretary of the Purple Hand Gang.

In fact, you would be a really good First Deputy Leader

of the Purple Hand Gang.

(clears throat) Good evening.

I am the First Deputy Leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

Ooh, that sounds good. Do another one, Peter.

(clears throat) Good evening.

I am the First Deputy Leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

That's nice, Peter.

Oh, uh, I didn't mean...

It's so nice to see you playing so well with your brother.

I know it's not easy.

But you're such a good boy, Peter,

and I'm glad Henry's finally realized just how good you are.

Yes. Yes, I am good.

You know what you need, First Deputy Leader of the Purple Hand Gang?

You need a hat.

- A hat? - A Purple Hand Gang hat.

Ooh.

This has got to be a big one.

- Yep. - The biggest ever.

- Yep. - (parping from snotbags)

The raid of the century, Lord High Majesty.

PETER: Ahem. Knock, knock.

HENRY: What is it now, worm?

Ahem. Lord High Majesty...

Could you sign these certificates please, Lord High Majesty?

- (chuckles) - (sighs) What are these?

- Certificates. - Certificates for what?

Honorary members of the Purple Hand Gang.

Oh, right. How many honorary members have we got?

Lots, Lord High Majesty.

Cool!

- Oh. Your signature. - What's wrong with my signature?

It's just a cross.

Yeah, well? It's quicker that way.

All these bits of paper you're getting me to sign could take me all day.

He's right, Henry. Anyone can do a cross.

Anyone can see that's my cross.

See, that bit's a bit longer, and then I did a bit of a squiggle there.

What's that you're wearing?

It's my Purple Hand Gang hat.

Your what?

I was wondering if it might be time for a promotion, Lord High Majesty.

- A promotion? - Yes. I thought that--

I don't pay you to think, worm.

You don't pay me at all.

Well, no, that's true.

But if I did pay you, I'd pay you not to think.

Uh, don't think that's quite right, Henry.

Whatever. Dismissed.

Dismissed?

He means you can go now, Peter.

Oh. Yes, of course.

(sighs) Thank you.

This is gonna need a lot of snotbags.

Worth it, though.

(chuckles) Yep, it's worth it.

It's just not fair!

He never listens to me.

I do all the work and he gets all the glory!

Yes, I do all the work, and...

(giggles) Oh, Peter!

That's a really naughty thought.

This certificate certifies that Perfect Peter

is the First Deputy Leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

You must admit it has a certain ring to it.

Eyes in front of you, not behind you.

(parping from ball)

The last slime balls of the slime balls.

- How many snotbags? - Five.

We need six.

I've only got one left.

Up to you, but it won't work with five.

Alright.

Run me through it one more time.

Henry.

Henry?

HENRY ECHOES: What is it, worm?

Oh... Where are you, Henry?

- Here. - Where?

Here! Off the sofa of doom, worm.

Ooh! Can you see me, Henry?

Of course I can see you, worm. I can see everything.

Everything?

Yes, everything,

because I am the Lord High Majesty of the Purple Hand Gang, and--

Henry, I think we still need--

Shh.

Ooh, don't be horrid, Henry!

- What's the problem? - Lord High Majesty...

Speak, worm.

Permission to ask you to sign this paperwork, Lord High Majesty?

Permission granted.

Um, permission to ask you again to sign this paperwork, Lord High--

Didn't you ask me that?

Well, uh, yes, Lord High Majesty. Only the second time I said--

Alright, alright. What is it you want me to sign?

This paperwork, Lord High--

A sticky spider. That ought to do it.

You're right, Ralph.

I'll go and get one. You start setting up.

Better bring a couple. Just in case.

I'll just deal with it myself, then, shall I?

Yes, Peter. Why don't you do that?

And by the way, thank you for all the work you do

on behalf of the Purple Hand Gang.

- What did you say, Peter? - Nothing, Ralph.

Nothing important.

Hey, worm.

Greetings, Lord High... Oh, what's the point?

- You coming, worm? - Oh.

OK. Where?

(chuckles) Fortune favors the brave.

What did you say, Henry?

I said fortune favors the brave.

That's what you always say, isn't it?

Yes. That is what I always say.

I am Peter,

First Deputy Leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

- All set. - (giggles)

Can't wait to see old bogey brain's face when that lot goes up.

Whatcha doing?

Raid of the century.

- Raid of the century? But... - But what?

But Margaret's on holiday. I thought you knew that.

On holiday?

- But? - My snotbags!

My slime balls.

(rings)

(squelching)

BOTH: No!